- 2 days ago
First broadcast 4th September 2014.,
High-flyer Gavin from the flat below asks Dan to feed his tropical fish whilst he is away.
Charlotte Ritchie - Hannah
Tom Stourton - Dan
Killian Scott - Bryn
Oliver Lansley - Gavin
Stella Gonet - Marion
Jordan Dawes - Rob
Ned Derrington - Paxton
Laura Aikman - Amanda
Amanda Jane Woods - Valerie
Sarah Woods - Jojo
High-flyer Gavin from the flat below asks Dan to feed his tropical fish whilst he is away.
Charlotte Ritchie - Hannah
Tom Stourton - Dan
Killian Scott - Bryn
Oliver Lansley - Gavin
Stella Gonet - Marion
Jordan Dawes - Rob
Ned Derrington - Paxton
Laura Aikman - Amanda
Amanda Jane Woods - Valerie
Sarah Woods - Jojo
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:11Anna, this kitchen is a tip.
00:14I thought we agreed that you'd do all the housework and I'd, you know, not.
00:18Shh. Busy.
00:19No, you're not. You're just watching that boring Dutch show again.
00:22First of all, the show's Swedish.
00:23Secondly, Stick Ningen is not boring.
00:25It's a taut psychological drama about weird sex murders.
00:28My favourite kind of murders.
00:30I think you might be addicted.
00:31Just because I watched 26 episodes in three days
00:34and briefly considered buying a catheter does not mean I'm addicted.
00:37Well, either way, this place is falling apart.
00:40There weren't even enough clean cups.
00:41Is that my gymnastics trophy?
00:43Yeah. Couldn't use one of my own, could I?
00:45Because I don't have any.
00:46But thanks for rubbing that in.
00:55Who is it?
00:56It's that dude from downstairs.
00:58Shit.
00:58What did you do?
00:59What do you mean?
01:00I've made a real effort not to engage with any of the neighbours
01:02in case they turn out to be mental or ask for favours.
01:05He must be here to tell us off.
01:06Well, I haven't done anything.
01:08I mean, I did start leaving food down by the communal bins,
01:10but that was just to attract foxes.
01:12Guys, I can hear everything you're saying.
01:14I'm not going to tell you off.
01:19What can we do for you, neighbour?
01:20Hi, Gavin.
01:21Flat 28.
01:22Look, I'm sorry to bother you guys, but I've got to ask a favour.
01:24See what I mean?
01:25Never engage with these people.
01:27No offence, Gav.
01:29It's just that I'm dashing off to the airport
01:31and I really need someone to feed my fish while I'm away.
01:32Gavin, it would be an honour to feed your fish.
01:35They're like my fifth favourite animal,
01:36after elk, all birds, Pokemon,
01:39and, of course, humans.
01:42Cheers, mate.
01:43You're a lifesaver.
01:44Come on!
01:44What are neighbours for?
01:46Now, let's talk payment.
02:00My girlfriend was meant to be watching them,
02:02but we had a huge bust-up this morning
02:03just because she called me sending dick pics to a yoga instructor.
02:06Women, eh?
02:07Can't live with them, can't cheat on them.
02:09Yeah, he'll be all right.
02:11Just sling us some perfume from Judy Free.
02:13That usually smooths things over.
02:15Thing is, I couldn't miss this business trip.
02:17It's representing the firm I haven't to buy.
02:20My mate Pete was meant to go,
02:21but then the prick got in me and I was like,
02:23sorry, pal, you snooze, you lose.
02:26Gavin, this place is incredible!
02:29It's like the Batcave had a kid with the Playboy Mansion.
02:32Cheers, mate.
02:33Cost me a bomb.
02:34Oh, check it out!
02:37And who do we have here?
02:39Oh, pleasure to meet you, Mr Bond.
02:41I'm the beautiful Vagina Tide.
02:43Oh, okay, you see that, Danny.
02:45Those are one-off 50th anniversary figurines.
02:49Seriously, with all this cool stuff,
02:51you must be happy the entire time.
02:53Well, it doesn't hurt.
02:55But these little ladies,
02:57they're my pride and joy.
02:58Snowball antlers,
03:00the Ferraris of the sea,
03:02come all the way from Rio Negro, Venezuela.
03:05You've got to replicate the environment to the dot
03:07just to keep them alive.
03:09The right pH, good algae levels.
03:11If the temperature changes just two degrees,
03:14then, uh...
03:16Damn, mate, you listening?
03:18Yeah, I'm with you.
03:19Cool.
03:20Now, sitting in the hydromeda can be a little fiddly,
03:22so, uh, do you want to come take a look?
03:23Yeah.
03:25But, FYI,
03:27this chair has sort of given me an erection.
03:29Just a heads up.
03:37Oh, come on, Bjorn.
03:38Don't go into the abattoir, you twat!
03:42Oh!
03:43Whoa!
03:43Oh, for...
03:43You all right?
03:45You took one hell of a tumble there.
03:46Oh, my fucking burrito.
03:47I mean, what kind of idiot
03:49leaves a bin in the middle of the street?
03:50Easy, Miss Burrito.
03:51You've got to be more careful when you're on your phone.
03:53Me cousin lost an arm crossing the road
03:55and texting at the same time.
03:56She was looking for the thumbs-up emoji
03:57and a motorbike wiped her out.
03:59It's kind of ironic.
04:00Well, I wasn't texting.
04:01I was watching Stick Ninja.
04:02What's that?
04:04Oh, my God, you've never heard of it?
04:05It's this gruesome Swedish drama
04:07about this girl who gets murdered
04:08and her family grief counsellor
04:10might be the serial killer.
04:13Hey, listen,
04:14I was just about to take a break from busking.
04:16Let me buy a replacement lunch.
04:18You can tell me all about it.
04:19Maybe.
04:20What kind of busker are you?
04:21I mean, like, aspiring musician
04:23or recently homeless?
04:25Aspiring musician.
04:26In that case, that sounds nice.
04:28I'm Hannah.
04:29I'm Bryn.
04:30Bryn?
04:31No, no, it's Bryn.
04:33Bryn.
04:34I'm sorry, I don't know if it's because of your accent
04:36or because I recently fell over,
04:37but I cannot understand what you're saying.
04:40Well, it's Bryn.
04:41Hmm.
04:42Don't worry about it, Miss Bryn, though.
04:44Come on.
04:46Bryn?
04:46No, it's Bryn.
04:47So me and him had lunch
04:48and he's, like, maybe the coolest guy ever.
04:50Seriously, he's got tattoos,
04:51he used to be in a band
04:52and all of the clothes he wears
04:54are either way too baggy or way too tight.
04:56Doesn't sound like your usual type.
04:57What do you mean, my usual type?
04:58You know, not weirdos,
04:59just really weird guys.
05:03Like, er,
05:05that one who insisted on watching Stomp twice a week?
05:07All those whack-job twins
05:09pretending to be one person?
05:10Sam and Scott were actually a really nice guy, OK?
05:13Look, all that matters is
05:15that Bryn is fit
05:16and a musician
05:17and super into me.
05:18He even invited me to an open mic gig
05:20he's doing tonight.
05:21Oh, well,
05:22if it works out,
05:23then maybe you could give me a guitar lesson sometime.
05:24Are you sure Gavin said
05:26you could use this place whenever you want?
05:27Yeah.
05:28I mean, he didn't literally say those words,
05:30but that's what he implied.
05:31What did he say?
05:31Here are the keys.
05:32I'll see you in ten days.
05:35I'm just reading in between the lines.
05:36Plus, this is the only way
05:37I can properly protect those fish.
05:39Sort of a 24-7 fish bodyguard.
05:41That's absolutely not a thing.
05:43Hannah, look at this place.
05:45I'd be an idiot not to abuse it.
05:47There's even a jacuzzi in the bathroom.
05:49Well, at least you're fucking up
05:50this guy's flat instead of ours.
05:51I'm not going to fuck this place up.
05:53Now,
05:53if you're a scoozie,
05:55I need some more jacuzzi.
06:04Fuck, this is so cool.
06:06I'm meeting a cute guy for a date
06:07at an open mic night.
06:09I'm finally making the most of my 20s.
06:10That's the same thing you said
06:11the first time you tried salted caramel.
06:13Where did you get that jacket from?
06:15Oh,
06:16Gavin's wardrobe.
06:17That thing is way too small.
06:19I know,
06:19but it looks wicked.
06:21Plus,
06:21I found 25 quid in the pocket
06:23and a bunch of these sweet-ass business cards.
06:26Gavin Mulcahy,
06:26associate solicitor.
06:27Miss Parito,
06:28glad you made him.
06:30Who's your man?
06:31I'm Gavin.
06:33This is my brother,
06:35Gavin.
06:36I sort of brought him along as protection.
06:38Protection?
06:39Basically,
06:39I ended up watching like 12 more episodes
06:41of that show today.
06:42I mean,
06:42it's great,
06:43but it seriously fucks with your head.
06:45I got worried you might turn out
06:46to be a psycho cannibal pervert
06:47like Dr. Holmfist.
06:49Well,
06:49I have done some pretty wild shit
06:50in me past,
06:51but I promise I won't kill you
06:53in Egypt.
06:54That is all I needed to hear.
06:55In which case,
06:56I'm going to head to the bar
06:57and buy 25 pounds worth of Pringles.
07:00You kids have fun.
07:03Gavin seems nice.
07:04Gavin's an idiot.
07:13Nice.
07:13You, uh,
07:14you ride a crotch rocket?
07:15What's that?
07:16Just saying, man,
07:17sweet bike jacket.
07:18You've seen the new Ducati.
07:20Those things are absolute beasts.
07:22God,
07:22yeah,
07:22the Ducati.
07:23It's like riding a big dick
07:25with wheels.
07:27Still, though,
07:27nothing like hopping on
07:28and getting the adrenaline going
07:29after 10 hours glued
07:30to the fucking footsie,
07:31right?
07:32Sorry,
07:33Rob.
07:34Gavin Mulcahy,
07:35associate solicitor.
07:36Parker Osborne.
07:38I'm with H.S. Raider.
07:40Think we work with you guys
07:41on the RBK flotation?
07:43Oh,
07:43yeah,
07:44of course.
07:45I did not think
07:46that thing was going to float,
07:49but,
07:49you know,
07:50when it did,
07:50I was over the moon.
07:52Listen,
07:53let me get you a drink,
07:53Gavin.
07:54You've,
07:54you've earned it,
07:55mate.
07:55Yeah.
07:56I have earned it.
07:59Liquid larceny
08:00drips from the slavering jaws
08:02as the flowers stare blankly
08:04and say nothing.
08:06Fucking hell.
08:07I feel like me heart's
08:08having a heart attack.
08:10Yeah,
08:10I feel that.
08:11Wow.
08:12Oh,
08:13and just sweating
08:13through your beanie,
08:14too.
08:15You sure you don't want
08:16something to drink?
08:17I really shouldn't.
08:18I'm just not used to gigging
08:20without the rest of Wolf Dude.
08:21What's Wolf Dude?
08:22Well,
08:22that's me old band.
08:23How come you left?
08:24Well,
08:25the lifestyle was killing me.
08:26You go to a new town,
08:28booze all day,
08:28play the gig,
08:29do a bunch of coke,
08:30shag someone,
08:31snort some heroin
08:32so you can get a bit of kip
08:33in the van
08:33and then,
08:34pfft,
08:34rinse and repeat.
08:36Wow,
08:36that is some seriously cool
08:38rock and roll shit.
08:39Trust me,
08:40Bryn,
08:40you're going to be fine tonight.
08:42You think so?
08:43Uh,
08:43definitely.
08:44Everyone else here
08:45is just some pathetic wannabe.
08:46You've been there,
08:47done that,
08:48got the t-shirt,
08:49sold the t-shirt,
08:49buy more heroin.
08:51You're going to be great.
08:52Cheers.
08:57Shit,
08:58everyone.
09:05Before I start,
09:06I'd like to dedicate my set
09:08to a very special lady,
09:10Miss Burrito.
09:11That's me.
09:13I'm Miss Burrito.
09:16Oh God,
09:17my Saviour,
09:20my rock,
09:21my staff,
09:23on hallowed ground,
09:26it came to pass.
09:30You opened my eyes,
09:33and raised me up.
09:39Yes,
09:40I believe in Jesus.
09:44And I'm like,
09:45whoa,
09:45whoa,
09:46whoa,
09:46whoa,
09:46judge.
09:47How can my client
09:48have done those murders
09:49if I was on the yacht
09:50with him the whole time?
09:52Yeah.
09:53Then the judge just says,
09:54Gavin,
09:55mate,
09:56you are the best lawman
09:57I have ever seen.
09:58This trial is over.
09:59And I shit you not,
10:01he high-fives me.
10:02The whole place
10:03goes apeshit.
10:04Wow.
10:05I didn't even know
10:06commercial solicitors
10:07dealt with murder trials.
10:08The good ones do.
10:09By the way,
10:09guys,
10:10if any of you
10:10ever get accused of murder,
10:12don't worry,
10:12I'll sort you out.
10:14Matrix.
10:15Cheers.
10:15Thanks.
10:16Yeah,
10:16all right.
10:32That was a bit rough.
10:34No,
10:35they just didn't get it.
10:37To be honest,
10:38I sort of didn't get it.
10:39You did keep mentioning God.
10:42Are you seriously a Christian?
10:44Well,
10:44I've only been at it
10:45for three months,
10:45but yeah,
10:46I am.
10:47I thought you knew.
10:48I mean,
10:49didn't you notice
10:50like all this?
10:51Yeah,
10:51I just assumed
10:51it was like
10:52dumb Russell Brand stuff.
10:53No offense,
10:54but you seem way too cool.
10:56You're fit
10:56and you swear and stuff.
10:57It's not weird for you,
10:58is it?
10:58No,
10:59come on.
10:59Christianity is like
11:00the vanilla of beliefs.
11:02You can still go out
11:03with girls though,
11:03right?
11:04Well,
11:04I'm only up as far
11:04as Corinthians,
11:05but yeah,
11:06I'm pretty sure
11:06that's fine.
11:07In that case,
11:07do you want to go grab
11:08a fro-yo?
11:09I mean,
11:10if your God
11:11allows it.
11:21Brint,
11:21if you don't pay attention,
11:22you're not going to see
11:23what they find
11:23inside the girl's cavity.
11:25Sorry.
11:25It's Paxton.
11:26He plays bass
11:27in Wolf Dude.
11:28He won't stop texting me.
11:30He keeps begging me
11:31to rejoin.
11:31What,
11:32and you told him no?
11:34I'd love to go back,
11:35but I'd only end up
11:36getting in trouble again.
11:37That whole scene
11:38is bad fucking news.
11:39From now on,
11:40the only drug
11:40I need
11:41is God's love
11:42and methadone.
11:44Tell him
11:45you're too busy
11:46watching Scandinavian
11:47people get murdered
11:47with your awesome
11:48girlfriend.
11:50Anyways,
11:50I'd better make moves.
11:52I've got a Bible study
11:53meeting at four.
11:54Bryn!
11:55How's my favourite
11:56Christian?
11:57Yeah,
11:57good, man.
11:58Cocktail party
11:59in my place
12:00tonight.
12:01Get your holy
12:02ass down there.
12:03Cool.
12:04Cheers,
12:05Gavin.
12:07I'll call you
12:08later,
12:08Miss Burrito.
12:12What do you want,
12:13Dan?
12:14Why aren't you
12:14down at Gavin's place?
12:15I just came
12:16to give you
12:17an invitation.
12:18Having a little
12:19soiree at mine
12:20tonight.
12:20Dan,
12:20you can't just
12:21throw a party
12:21at this guy's flat.
12:22Why not?
12:23You're abusing
12:24his trust
12:24and it's totally
12:25out of order.
12:26And is there
12:27genuinely a free bar?
12:28Yep.
12:28Found the keys
12:29to his drinks cabinet
12:30and four of his
12:31watches.
12:32Dan,
12:32you're turning
12:33into the shit,
12:33Mr Ripley,
12:34and it's getting
12:34kind of creepy.
12:35It is not
12:36getting creepy.
12:37Who's up
12:38for some
12:38Gavin-teenies?
12:42Cheers,
12:42Gavster.
12:48Hey!
12:49Here's the happy
12:50couple.
12:52What's all this
12:52about?
12:53I just thought
12:54I'd make a bit
12:54of an effort,
12:54you know,
12:55for the party.
12:56I think it's a sharp look.
12:57Thanks, Bryn.
12:59Can I get you
13:00something to drink?
13:01I've made my very
13:01own special cocktail
13:02for tonight.
13:03It's vodka
13:04mixed with rum
13:05with a splash
13:07of wine
13:07just for flavour.
13:09I'm sort of
13:10off the booze.
13:10Don't worry,
13:11dude,
13:11there is some
13:11orgie in the kitchen.
13:14You know,
13:14out of all the losers
13:15you've been out with,
13:16I think Bryn is
13:17definitely my favourite.
13:18Yeah,
13:18it's really great.
13:19We spent all week
13:20together.
13:21The only thing is
13:22we haven't,
13:23you know,
13:24taken it to
13:24Pound Town.
13:27What?
13:28Yeah,
13:28well,
13:29we kiss and stuff,
13:30but every time
13:30we get near
13:31the main attraction,
13:32he just calls it off.
13:33Oh.
13:34I'm really scared
13:34he might be hiding
13:35a misshapen penis
13:36or something.
13:37Hmm.
13:38Well,
13:38I believe
13:39it was Jean-Jacques Rousseau
13:41who said,
13:42patience is bitter,
13:43but its fruit
13:45is sweet.
13:48Gavin's got a book
13:49of quotations
13:49in his bathroom.
13:50I've been having
13:51a flip through
13:51in the jacuzzi.
13:52Hey,
13:52maybe this Gavin thing
13:53isn't so terrible.
13:54I mean,
13:55you're reading books,
13:56you're dressing better,
13:57and those fake glasses
13:58are actually all right.
13:59Oh,
14:00they're not fake.
14:00Yeah,
14:00they're real.
14:01Found them in his bedroom.
14:02To be honest with you,
14:03this whole place
14:03is a blur.
14:07Sorry.
14:11Mum,
14:12you made it.
14:13Your message said
14:13it was a dire emergency.
14:15Oh,
14:15yeah,
14:16no,
14:16that was just a lie.
14:17Good Lord,
14:17Hannah,
14:17you haven't called me
14:18here for nothing.
14:19I had to cancel
14:19a Thai massage.
14:20I could be dripping
14:21in essential oils
14:22as we speak.
14:23I didn't call you
14:23here for nothing.
14:24I want you to meet
14:25my new boyfriend.
14:26Hey,
14:27this is my mum.
14:28I was just telling her
14:28how great you are.
14:30It's a pleasure to meet you.
14:31I'm Brim.
14:32Brun?
14:33Did you say his name
14:33was Brun?
14:34Hey, mum,
14:35what are you doing here?
14:36Why are you dressed like...
14:38actually,
14:38actually,
14:39I don't care.
14:39Could you get me
14:39a vodka and anything?
14:41Ah,
14:41we're actually running
14:42a bit low on vodka.
14:43I used it all
14:44in the Galvantinis.
14:45Well,
14:45I can fix you something.
14:46On tour,
14:47we used to run out
14:47of booze all the time.
14:48I could make something
14:49to get you hammered
14:49on pretty much just
14:50cranberry juice
14:51and Listerine.
14:52Well,
14:53Hannah,
14:53maybe this one
14:53isn't a total write-off.
14:55Come on,
14:55Brun,
14:55come and fix me
14:56a proper drink.
14:58I count that
14:59as a win.
15:01Now,
15:02these fish
15:03are very exotic.
15:05All the way
15:06from
15:08somewhere very exotic.
15:09I want to say
15:10Africa,
15:11but they're very delicate,
15:12like
15:12underwater croissant.
15:15If the temperature
15:16changes,
15:16even two degrees,
15:18then they will
15:20explode.
15:22That's how come
15:23they're so rare.
15:36I think we should
15:37slow down.
15:38Come on,
15:38Bryn,
15:38don't give me blue balls.
15:39I've had three Galvantinis
15:41and I'm feeling mega horny.
15:42Let's just
15:43call it a night, yeah.
15:44What, again?
15:45Why don't you
15:46want to have sex?
15:47Have you got
15:48a misshapen penis?
15:49Hmm?
15:50What is it?
15:50Crooked?
15:51Upside down?
15:53Super thin?
15:53Well,
15:54no,
15:54my penis is fine.
15:55If anything,
15:56it's great.
15:57I just think
15:57we should hold off.
15:58I mean,
15:59God is,
15:59pretty strict
16:00on the sex stuff.
16:01But does not
16:02it say
16:02in the good book
16:04do unto others?
16:07So come on,
16:08Bryn,
16:09do unto me.
16:11Okay,
16:12Miss Farito,
16:13I'll be honest
16:13with you.
16:14The only reason
16:15I don't want to do it
16:15is because I just
16:16found out I got
16:17into Bible college.
16:18So what?
16:19That sounds like fun.
16:20Well,
16:20not fun,
16:21but you know
16:21what I mean.
16:22Well,
16:22the thing is,
16:23is that it's actually
16:23a two-year course
16:25and,
16:25er,
16:28it's in Inverness.
16:29What?
16:31You're moving to Scotland
16:32for two years.
16:33Why would anyone do that?
16:34I mean,
16:35what about us?
16:36We can still see each other.
16:38It's only nine hours
16:39on the train.
16:39Nine hours on the train?
16:40Do I look like
16:41a fucking Victorian?
16:42Look,
16:42I think this could be
16:43really good for me.
16:45I've done some shit
16:45I'm not proud of.
16:47You know,
16:48one-night stands,
16:49drug-fuelled orgies,
16:50I shagged me roadie's wife
16:51in a phone box
16:52in Carlisle.
16:53Really?
16:54Yeah.
16:54Poor beast.
16:56Guy had no idea.
16:57Listen,
16:58let's just talk about this
16:59later, yeah?
16:59Why don't you pop on
17:01another episode
17:01of that show?
17:03I'll make you some coffee.
17:05Sobe you up a bit.
17:07Are you in this round,
17:09God?
17:10Speech!
17:11Speech!
17:12Speech!
17:12Speech!
17:15Just want to say
17:17thank you all so much
17:19for coming tonight.
17:21Now,
17:21I,
17:22Gavin Mulcahy,
17:24have so much
17:26to be thankful for
17:27in life.
17:28Yeah,
17:28an amazing flat,
17:303D television,
17:32and shit-hot fish.
17:34But life's not about
17:35possessions.
17:37Even if they are
17:38fucking cool.
17:39So here's to you guys.
17:42The people who make
17:43this all worthwhile.
17:45Cheers, Gavin.
17:46Cheers, Gavin.
17:48I'm Gavin Mulcahy.
17:51I'm Gavin Mulcahy.
17:55This is so unfair.
17:57I finally get the
17:58perfect boyfriend
17:58and God goes
17:59and snatches him away.
18:01Shit.
18:02Bryn's dead.
18:03No.
18:04I think our relationship
18:05it might be.
18:06He's going to study
18:07the Bible for two years.
18:08I mean,
18:08how could it take
18:09two years to read
18:10one book?
18:10But you guys
18:11were so good together.
18:13I even came up
18:14with your celebrity
18:14couple nickname,
18:15Bryn Hannah.
18:17I mean,
18:17he just said both
18:18our names,
18:18but,
18:19yeah.
18:19He's pretty much
18:20my dream guy.
18:21He's hot,
18:22he's dumb,
18:22so he never
18:23contradicts me,
18:23and apparently
18:24there's nothing
18:24wrong with his penis.
18:26I just wish there
18:26was something I could
18:27do to make him stay.
18:28Anything worth having
18:30is worth fighting for.
18:31Is that another one
18:32from Gavin's book?
18:32Thomas Jefferson.
18:34It's like me being
18:35Gavin.
18:35At first,
18:36some people were like,
18:37oh,
18:38you shouldn't do this,
18:39it's creepy,
18:40blah, blah, blah.
18:41Yeah,
18:41that was me
18:41and I still think that.
18:42But if this crazy
18:43Gavin adventure
18:44has taught me anything,
18:45it's that dreams
18:46do come true.
18:47You've just got to
18:48know the right people
18:49and have the keys
18:50to their flat.
18:53Trust me,
18:53I can get him there.
18:54He listens to me.
18:56Plus,
18:56he's really fucking gullible.
18:57Look,
18:58just get the rest
18:58to the band there
18:59and leave Bryn to me.
19:01Okay?
19:01Thanks.
19:03Can't you see
19:03I'm on the fucking phone?
19:06My God.
19:08Where are we,
19:09Miss Burrito?
19:10I mean,
19:10did you really have
19:11to cover me eyes
19:11the whole way here?
19:12Well,
19:12I didn't want to ruin
19:13the surprise.
19:14Plus,
19:14we're here now,
19:15so,
19:16ta-da!
19:17What's all this?
19:18It's your old band.
19:19They're gigging tonight
19:20and guess what?
19:21So are you.
19:22What?
19:22No,
19:22I'm out of the band.
19:23I mean,
19:24I'm going to Bible college.
19:25That's why I wanted
19:25to give you a final show
19:26as a leave-in present.
19:28It would really
19:29mean a lot to me.
19:30Plus,
19:31I already called the guys
19:31and said you were
19:32definitely in.
19:32The prodigal dude returns!
19:34Paxton!
19:36It's good to see you, man.
19:37Bro,
19:37I'm so buzzed
19:38you're playing tonight.
19:39That is not just
19:40the PCP talking.
19:41I'm going to go tell Beast
19:42to get your gear ready.
19:45I'm not sure
19:45this is a good idea.
19:46But you always say
19:47how much you miss the band.
19:48Well,
19:48I guess it could be good fun
19:49to do a real gig again.
19:51You know,
19:51one that ends
19:52with actual applause
19:52instead of a quiet prayer.
19:53So you'll do it then?
19:55All right,
19:55yeah,
19:55go on.
19:56But make sure
19:57you keep me in line,
19:58all right?
19:58I don't want things
19:59getting out of hand.
19:59Bryn,
20:00I'm your girlfriend.
20:01You can trust me.
20:03Oh,
20:04I almost forgot.
20:04Here's your phone.
20:05I stole it while you were
20:06sleeping so I could
20:06get Paxton's number.
20:07I am so excited!
20:20I'll raise you
20:21all my chips
20:24and
20:27this lamp.
20:29Gavin,
20:30big balls.
20:31OK.
20:32All in.
20:34Oh,
20:35shit.
20:35Sorry,
20:36mate.
20:36Don't worry about it.
20:38This is Gavin's pad
20:39and Gavin says
20:40you guys can spill
20:42whatever the fuck
20:43you like.
20:50Who the L are you?
20:54I'm Gavin Mokai.
20:55Who are you?
20:56I'm Gavin's girlfriend.
21:03I'm Gavin.
21:04Listen guys,
21:05I've got to have a
21:05chat with your
21:06ball and chain.
21:07Uh-oh.
21:08We've all been there,
21:09mate.
21:09Say no more.
21:11Go easy
21:12on him,
21:12love you.
21:16Yeah,
21:16don't move.
21:17I'm calling the police.
21:18No,
21:18no,
21:18don't.
21:19Gavin knows about this.
21:20Well,
21:21not all of it,
21:22but I live upstairs
21:23and he just asked me
21:24to take care of his fish.
21:25Oh,
21:26those fucking fish.
21:27He is weirdly
21:28into them,
21:29isn't he?
21:29Look,
21:29mate,
21:29I don't know
21:30what your deal is
21:31and I don't really care.
21:32I just want to pick up
21:32the rest of my stuff
21:33and then I never want
21:34to see Gavin
21:35or anyone who's
21:36dressed like Gavin
21:37ever again.
21:38Oh,
21:39that is a relief.
21:40I do not want
21:41to go back to prison.
21:43Shit.
21:45You opened
21:46his calendar 25.
21:48That's Timothy Dalton's
21:49favourite scotch.
21:50He was saving that
21:51until he made partner.
21:52Fuck.
21:53I didn't realise
21:54that was Dalton's scotch.
21:55Screw him.
21:56Serves him right
21:57for messing me around
21:57for the last four years.
21:59Cheers.
22:00Uh,
22:01whatever your name is.
22:02Gavin.
22:03No,
22:04Dan.
22:05Sorry.
22:06Force of Abbott.
22:12Woo!
22:13Woo!
22:15Good night.
22:16Woo!
22:19Cheers, please.
22:20Good night.
22:21Bryn,
22:22you were amazing.
22:23Like a mix between
22:24the young Mick Jagger
22:25and the current Mick Jagger.
22:26It was a fucking blast.
22:27Whoa, whoa.
22:28I thought you were
22:29off the booze.
22:29I just won, you know.
22:30Saddle the system
22:31and I'll be buzzing all night.
22:32Bro,
22:33that was electric.
22:36Cheers, pal.
22:36The crowd were loving it.
22:38They were literally
22:38jitting out their ears.
22:39Dude,
22:40you've got to come back.
22:41We're not the same
22:42without you.
22:43Don't tell me
22:43you didn't feel the magic.
22:44Man,
22:44I have to admit
22:45I haven't felt that good
22:46in months,
22:46but it's too late.
22:47I'm moving to Inverness.
22:48Oh, fuck Inverness.
22:50Maybe God wants you
22:51to stay here.
22:52What do you mean?
22:53Well,
22:53he works in mysterious ways.
22:55There's a chance
22:56that when I took your phone
22:57and set this all up
22:58behind your back,
22:58he was moving through me.
23:00I suppose I could put off
23:01going to Bible college
23:02maybe for a bit.
23:03Yes.
23:04Definitely.
23:04God is always going to be there.
23:06That's basically
23:06his catchphrase.
23:07You've got great mates,
23:08a hot band
23:09and an awesome girlfriend
23:10slash manager.
23:11We can talk about that later.
23:12What do you say, mate?
23:14Let's say
23:16fucking Inverness.
23:17Yes!
23:20Better luck next time,
23:21big guy.
23:22I get all dolled up.
23:24And what's the surprise?
23:25A trip to Paris?
23:27A romantic dinner?
23:28No.
23:29A Silverstone
23:30driving experience.
23:32No.
23:32For your anniversary.
23:34And on the last lap,
23:35he ran me off the track.
23:37Said,
23:37you snooze,
23:38you lose.
23:39Ugh.
23:40Who'd have thought
23:40a guy who owns
23:41the official 007 aftershave
23:43could be a dick?
23:44Well,
23:44I'm the idiot
23:45for wasting four years
23:46of my life with him.
23:47Amanda,
23:48you are not an idiot.
23:50Gavin's the idiot.
23:52And I should know.
23:53I've spent this last week
23:55living as Gavin,
23:56sleeping as Gavin,
23:57using Gavin's
23:58sweet Sonicare toothbrush
24:00and it's been wicked.
24:03But I don't want to be a guy
24:05who treats someone
24:05like you so badly.
24:06Aw, thanks, Dan.
24:08You're a nice guy.
24:10Glad I didn't call the police.
24:11Me too.
24:21I'm actually the one
24:22that got the band
24:23back together.
24:24I'm sort of like
24:24a reverse Yoko.
24:26Yo, Paxton,
24:26have you seen Brynn?
24:27He told me to look after him.
24:29He's fine.
24:29He's just backstage
24:30with a couple of chicks.
24:35I know you say
24:36that's the great thing
24:37about it.
24:43What's going on, Brynn?
24:45Hi there.
24:46This is Valerie and Jojo
24:48and me rowdy Beast.
24:49Yeah, say hi, Beast.
24:52Listen, can I have a word?
24:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:54Yeah, save some of that for me.
24:58Hi.
24:58What's the deal
24:59with Mary-Kate and Ashley?
25:00Oh, they saw the gig
25:01and asked if I wanted
25:01to do some coke with them.
25:02I hate saying no to fans.
25:04Plus, I did a bit too much
25:05skag with Paxton earlier,
25:06so I needed something
25:06to pick me up a bit.
25:07You're doing heroin again?
25:09What about all that God stuff?
25:10Ah, it's like you said.
25:11I can just ask for forgiveness
25:12when I'm coming down.
25:14OK, but, you know,
25:15maybe we've had enough
25:15for tonight.
25:16We can go home.
25:17What's the final episode
25:19of Stick Ninja?
25:19Oh, I'm going to hang around.
25:21I'll be honest with you,
25:21I think that show is shit.
25:23What?
25:24Brynn, the power of Christ
25:26compels you to come home with me.
25:27Listen, Hannah,
25:28we've had a great run,
25:29but I'm in a band now.
25:30Thanks to me.
25:31Reverse Yoko.
25:32And I'm grateful.
25:33I really am.
25:34It's just, obviously,
25:34I've got a lot more options now.
25:36I mean, you're like a Christian eight,
25:37but a band six.
25:39You know what I mean?
25:40Fine.
25:41Stay here with your groupies.
25:43And I hope all of that coke
25:44was cut with rat poison.
25:46Oh, and Beast,
25:47Brynn shagged your wife and Carlisle.
25:53Hey, Rob.
25:55Sorry about poker night.
25:57Guess what?
25:58Me and that woman
25:59totally had sex.
26:03Which means why do I sound surprised?
26:06Dan,
26:07what are you doing here?
26:09Gavin!
26:11You're back early.
26:12No, I'm not.
26:13Shit.
26:14It's been ten days already.
26:16Time flies, right?
26:17Why are you wearing my robe?
26:19What have you done to the place?
26:20I can help you tidy up.
26:21Is that my calendar 25?
26:23It's a 500-pound bottle of whiskey.
26:24You drank all of it?
26:25It's not just me.
26:27Shower's free.
26:30Oh.
26:31Amanda?
26:32Yeah?
26:32What's going on?
26:34Oh, me and your little doppelganger had sex.
26:36Not in your bed.
26:38Just over there.
26:40And over there.
26:42And a little bit in the kitchen.
26:44What the fuck?
26:45I know this looks bad,
26:47but bear in mind,
26:48your fish are doing great.
26:50Get the fuck out of my flag.
26:51Yeah, fair enough.
26:56Amanda?
26:57It's been nice to meet you.
27:01I suppose that maybe you want to meet up again?
27:03Get out!
27:13Hey, Hannah.
27:14Where's the brinster?
27:15Oh, a hospital.
27:17His roadie dump-tackled him
27:18and broke his collarbone.
27:19Shit.
27:21Oh, no, it's fine.
27:21We broke up.
27:23Hey, you'll get over it.
27:25I believe it was Albert Camus
27:28who once said,
27:29blessed are the hearts
27:31that something,
27:32something.
27:33Is that meant to be a quotation?
27:35Yeah, I dropped the book in the jacuzzi.
27:37Oh, yeah.
27:38Well, I knew it Gavins.
27:39The jig's up.
27:40Real Gavin came back.
27:42He was really peered.
27:44So, what are you up to now?
27:46I thought maybe I'd go
27:47and watch the last episode
27:48of Stickmin'jin.
27:49Are you in?
27:50Yeah, sounds cool.
27:52Or, if you don't mind waiting,
27:54I did make a copy of Gavin's key.
27:57We could sneak in while I was at work,
27:58watch it on the plasma.
27:59What do you think?
28:00I think maybe that's the best idea
28:01anyone has ever had.
28:03I can't wait to watch
28:04those corpses in high def.
28:36Block?
28:37Block?
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