- 2 days ago
- #commitment
- #fear
- #talkshow
- #authorpulkit
It is a known fact that worldwide, across different cultures and communities, men eagerly seek casual no strings attached (NSA) relationships, hookups and situationships which offer sex, physical intimacy, erotic pleasure, fun and companionship. However, the moment their partner develops some emotional attachment or wants commitment, several men develop cold feet and run away.
In this talk show, television anchor Syed Hamza Shah talks to Pulkit Sharma, a clinical psychologist, psychoanalytic therapist, spiritual counselor and author now based in Pondicherry, India about the symptoms, causes and prognosis of fear of commitment inherent in men. Pulkit Sharma draws upon his understanding of deep-seated unconscious conflicts, personality traits and social and cultural factors to comprehend this very common phobia in men. Although this television program was recorded and aired in 2011, the psychoanalytical and social insights shared by Pulkit Sharma on male psychology remain timeless and are very relevant even today.
#commitment #fear #talkshow #pulkitsharmaclinicalpsychologist #authorpulkit
In this talk show, television anchor Syed Hamza Shah talks to Pulkit Sharma, a clinical psychologist, psychoanalytic therapist, spiritual counselor and author now based in Pondicherry, India about the symptoms, causes and prognosis of fear of commitment inherent in men. Pulkit Sharma draws upon his understanding of deep-seated unconscious conflicts, personality traits and social and cultural factors to comprehend this very common phobia in men. Although this television program was recorded and aired in 2011, the psychoanalytical and social insights shared by Pulkit Sharma on male psychology remain timeless and are very relevant even today.
#commitment #fear #talkshow #pulkitsharmaclinicalpsychologist #authorpulkit
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LearningTranscript
00:12Love and fear cannot coexist; where there is fear there cannot be love.
00:20If there is love, then what is there to fear?
00:22But it is often seen that despite being in love, men are afraid of making commitments in their relationships.
00:29Are
00:29They retreat and this attitude is also seen in their working life.
00:35If the boss gives any responsibility, men think a hundred times before taking that responsibility.
00:41And even if they take responsibility, even after that a strange, unknown fear remains in their hearts.
00:46remains
00:47I don't know whether he will be able to accomplish his task or not, today we will try to find out this.
00:56And if you have any kind of question related to this, then you can call us or send SMS.
01:02can
01:03The number to call is 010-399-1111. You can also send an SMS to 56-0068.
01:11Clinical psychologist Pulkit Sharma is with us to guide you.
01:17Rox, you are very welcome, thank you.
01:20Well, before we start our show, let's take a look at our report.
01:26Commitment phobia is a fear that resides within a person.
01:33Sometimes the struggle to maintain relationships, sometimes the struggle to choose the right career, sometimes the pressure regarding profession.
01:42It is very common these days, especially among men.
01:49Relationships are important in every relationship, be it family, social or work related.
01:58commitment
02:00But men's carefree attitude and their habit of living life on their own terms often makes them commitment phobic.
02:10succumb to
02:13Due to which men hesitate in making any commitment in any relationship and gradually this fear takes over them.
02:24They are away from every relationship
02:27The matter is not just limited to making commitments in relationships but also when it comes to professional life.
02:35Men can be seen hesitating when it comes to commitment.
02:42If you want to know why commitment phobia is so common in men,
02:49If you also want to know its solutions then you can connect with us or call us on 0120-399
02:56You can also send an SMS to 111-1 or 56-0068.
03:03First of all, I would like to know from you that when we talk about commitment phobia in men, then the reason we
03:09Can you believe it? I have seen all the cases of commitment phobia in which this is true.
03:18It is quite common in every case that I see that if we look at the self-worth of these people
03:25talk
03:25We are all these men, I mean if we talk about any common man
03:32Do it first when he feels confident in himself and feels complete in himself.
03:40If he does this, only then can he give himself completely to any relation.
03:48Meaning, people are emotional, they still have that childishness in them, like a small child.
03:56It does not happen anywhere that whatever I want or whatever I need, they are
04:01He asks for it but this thing does not develop in him that he
04:18This is a big reason because it often happens that if a child has all his needs, all his needs are fulfilled.
04:26This should be done along with giving him the concept that he has a sensitivity towards others.
04:35If he develops, he understands that yes
04:38Malala, I have my own needs and I have the needs of others, and he learns that these
04:42How to carry both together People who have a commitment phobia never do this thing
04:48I haven't been able to learn in a way
04:50If we talk about fear, can we consider it an important reason behind commitment phobia?
04:57We can consider this as an important element that there is fear inside a human being, who knows what it is.
05:02will be able to
05:02He will not be able to fulfill his responsibilities if we especially ignore the enemies.
05:07Yes, yes, there is fear and there are many types of fear, one such fear is that
05:15Our freedom will be lost
05:18Meaning, wherever commitment is asked for anything, all these men start feeling it.
05:23Is
05:23As if this is some kind of strange bond, if we get trapped in it this time then what we will
05:28freedom is
05:28Meaning, those who start feeling threatened on a psychological level.
05:34Freedom will definitely be lost, but there is no big reason for us to back out from making a commitment.
05:42Are
05:42Freedom, how long will we remain free? Can't we remain free by being connected to a relationship of love?
05:48Freedom diminishes, does freedom of belief diminish?
05:51Perhaps we all need to ask ourselves this question very badly, here if all relationships
05:58If we talk about it, we see that the relationships of such people are very short lived.
06:13Are
06:16And it means there is a lot of excitement, people go there a lot, that is, they invest their entire time etc. where
06:24But that relationship starts getting deeper and here also the other person starts getting emotionally attached.
06:31I mean, his girlfriend starts saying, give us some time.
06:37One starts feeling very scared, this happens before marriage, if such a person gets married
06:42Even if it happens, it is often seen that that relationship also does not last for long.
06:48Divorce cases become very common in such situations.
07:05If it seems that it is not going to be complete then they get very frustrated there and
07:10It is very rare in conceptualizing that we also understand the other person and his needs.
07:17So can we accept the lack of emotion here because such
07:33So that I can see the other person from his perspective, where he is or he is from me.
07:39What he wants is not what he wants, Matriya means that he has some emotions inside him.
07:44Do you want this hymn to be more important or to satisfy the emotions of the other person?
07:50And sometimes we don't even know how to understand another person.
07:56So what could be the reason behind this?
07:59Can we consider the environment we got in childhood or the upbringing we are exposed to now as the reason behind this?
08:04Del Kul Dikte In many cases, the same meaning is very important.
08:09Because as I said, a child should get both these things in his upbringing so that his own needs are met.
08:17He is fulfilled and people will be very sensitive to what he is feeling, only then he
08:24will also learn this thing
08:25That I, I mean he too, will develop this thing only when I too understand how other people feel.
08:32So we can say that a psyche keeps developing from childhood itself, that thought process develops.
08:38That negative thought remains which is reflected in the thought process.
08:54I am very afraid that I might start depending on someone.
08:58Where they feel that we are dependent on someone or we cannot survive without him.
09:05Will be able to do it.
09:05These people want to run away from that situation before it happens.
09:11But here the need is to know what this Azad Panchi wants to do, what he wants to achieve from life.
09:18Does life only mean that we keep changing relationships, from one relationship to another?
09:25But what about the second to third relationship?
09:27There should never be stagnation in our life. Stagnation does not mean that your life is over.
09:33Someone has captured you, someone has imprisoned you, which is a stagnation of relationships.
09:38A freedom of relationships which is the freedom of love.
09:57So it means that it is not like that that I have a great time with my husband, but from the beginning he
10:05Meaning, he has done so much that he has fulfilled each and every need of his.
10:09So much happened with that, Max, I mean, you even get the school feeding done.
10:14This is a very good thing, a very good thing, but you cannot fulfill this thing.
10:33How many efforts are being made from your side
10:38In such a situation, problems are bound to arise. We will tell you what you can do, but
10:42I'll stop for now and take a short break.
10:52Often mothers are worried that their son is not ready for marriage.
10:57She remains under a lot of tension and sometimes even gets depressed, she thinks this
11:03She stays with us all the time. Why is our son not ready for marriage? He is of marriageable age.
11:08Her age is more than 30, despite that why is she not getting married?
11:12In such a situation, it is necessary to know whether he is commitment phobic or not. If so, then
11:20For this, proper guidance is very much needed and today we are trying to give you that guidance.
11:25For this you can add us, call us or SMS us on both the numbers.
11:30puts your
11:31Looks are flashing on the TV set, before the break, Daljeet ji had paired us with his problem.
11:37Did you share what guidance you would like to give them, see as he did, first of all I would like to
11:43I felt that she was very sensitive and caring towards her husband.
12:00I mean, I do everything and I want to give the best to my husband, but his
12:04Even after that he is absolutely satisfied and my advice to him would be that there is no need to create any trouble for him.
12:12But it may not be so good that
12:15Because in this kind of relationship, what are they feeling, what have they done for them all these years?
12:24I have tried to explain to them their point of view, that is, how they feel.
12:31It is important because in any relationship there is a kind of
12:35There should be equality and it is very much lacking in our country because most of the
12:40The notion or concept remains that a man has needs and
12:44And the woman has to fulfill those needs, there is an equal relationship here.
13:05Sit down and try to find out from your husband what he thinks about you. First ask him.
13:10Listen completely. Remember to listen to them completely first and then share your feelings with them.
13:16Share it and tell them that if they do this
13:32Whatever it is, it could be a solution to this issue. I would just like to emphasize one more thing in this that
13:37Whenever Daljid ji or any other people watching the show raise such issues
13:42So it should not seem like you are blaming the other person.
14:01Go and tell me what is the matter, you go and you are coming, give this animal some food.
14:12This is what the current situation is like, so Ardab should be discussed every now and then and the news should be spread
14:18doing the theteshar ch
14:31in his city, he was really into it, he would call me up, message me, tell me every bit of
14:37it
14:37but when I changed my city, he did not give it that much of
14:44Sakshi, have you ever tried to know about this?
14:47I have tried to know about this, he said it's because of work, which I understand
14:51like both of us, we work in hotels, so we are very busy
14:55but then two months later, he will be finishing his training and he will be coming over to Delhi.
15:03so we will be in the same city, so then he came to Delhi
15:07and then also he did not like, he wasn't like how he was in his earlier days
15:12I just found it like, and every few days later
15:16Sakshi, now I want to know about the last question, what is your status of your relationship?
15:22He broke up with me 10 days back saying, because I always wanted time
15:28he never gave me time, he would not even call you, he would just give me one call one day
15:33Okay, so break up has been done
15:36Yes, Sakshi, I would like to say this here, that it is good to make such a way to make
15:41a person
15:41which doesn't give you importance, because you are the most important for yourself
15:46and first of all, you are the most important for yourself
15:50and Doctor, I think that the distant relationships are the most important, the problems are the most important
15:56Yes, very much, and in this, Sakshi has a very important thing,
16:02which is the most important thing in all of the relationships, there is one thing that needs to be
16:06look, whether it is because of any reason, but wherever there is separation,
16:11which is the most important thing in all of the relationships, where the two people are at one time
16:13and if they are in one place, then they are going somewhere else
16:15it is very important that they both know each other's feelings
16:20because whether someone is going far from any reason
16:23but whether someone is going far from any reason
16:25they are going far from any reason
16:27they are going far from any reason
16:29so we cannot say that it is any reason
16:32but the emotionality of the relationship
16:33how can you react?
16:35how can you react?
16:46how can you react?
16:59how can you react?
17:02You with Prajjya
17:12It often happens that a wife says to her husband, the day after tomorrow,
17:16I have some important work, please come with me. The husband's response is a bit strange.
17:22The husband says yes, we will see, I'll try.
17:26Why isn't there a firm answer that yes, you are my responsibility?
17:31I will definitely go with you
17:33Here we are not talking only about the relationship of husband and wife.
17:37If we talk about the relationship between parents, then there is a son and a mother.
17:42If we talk about the relationship between a parent and a child,
17:46So it is often seen that if mother says something like, did you read my book while returning from office?
17:52Will you bring these medicines?
17:53A hundred kinds of questions, a hundred kinds of questions come to the mind of that son
17:58He thinks that if he gets late, the chemist's shop might be closed.
18:02So will I be able to get the medicine or not?
18:04Why is there no commitment, no time management in men?
18:09This is what we are talking about today
18:11If you have any question related to this, you can call us, SMS us, or both.
18:15These numbers are constantly flashing on your TV set.
18:19People Sir, we just talked about the relationship between a husband and a wife, problems start arising in it.
18:25It happens, if we talk about other relationships also, if such a mode comes, where
18:32A man has to take responsibility for his parents, for those who
18:38He has been brought into this world by those who have taught him to walk by holding his finger, to take responsibility for those people.
18:45Even when it comes to this, the man can be seen leaving, why?
18:49Look at the reason behind it, I mean, firstly I would say that although today we are talking about commitment and phobia.
18:56But men have many fears, they feel a lot of fear within themselves.
19:03And there is a big, important reason behind this as to why this happens.
19:19They want that typical match image, that they want to believe this, they want to feel this,
19:24We want to be like that, that we have no fear, now what happens in this is that as they
19:30You can adopt an image, but obviously if you are a human being, you will feel scared.
19:36It is natural, it definitely happens, so what happens is that that normal fear starts making sense to him.
19:44We don't want to see it anywhere, we keep hiding it, keep suppressing it and then what happens to it?
19:49That those fears, which are normal, happened inside their minds.
19:53if it becomes
19:55means a lot of people
19:57especially if many men
19:59a little about your fears
20:01If it means open
20:03can feel them or even
20:05I can say that yes, I am also a human being and I too am scared.
20:10that a man is not afraid
20:12A man can't cry
20:15A man is not afraid
20:17Because men are also human beings.
20:19All these emotions are present in him too.
20:22absolutely absolutely
20:22If we talk about solutions here
20:25A person who is commitment phobic
20:28So how can he be brought out of that phobia?
20:32How can he get out on his own?
20:33And what can the family members do in such a situation?
20:37First, let's see what family members can do.
20:41Let me tell you that because often this kind of thing
20:44Meaning, there are people who are able to identify themselves more.
20:47They live by the people around them.
20:49As I said earlier, first of all family members
20:54The first step is to make the person realize that they have commitment phobia.
21:00And this is a very difficult task, it is not an easy task at all, whatever I did in it
21:06That when you are addressing this problem also because what we were just talking about is about a man
21:11Telling someone you have a phobia is a big deal.
21:14But acceptance becomes very important even for that person who is commitment phobic and who
21:20There are family members, they also need to be made aware of this and because of that I feel that a
21:24Proper communication also becomes very important, you are in the studio and you have shared so much information.
21:30that a lot of
21:31And friends, I would like to tell you that if for any reason you missed our today's episode
21:36If yes, you can also watch it at any time by logging on to our website www.pragyatv.com
21:44Friends, I would also like to tell you that if you want to know what is the meaning of acceptance...
22:00Keep coming and stay happy with Pragya who brings you a better you and yes go green with Pragya Go
22:08Vegetarians Don't Eat Them Feed Them
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