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  • 1 day ago
Labour Day Part B

Nikki is in love with newborn babies in the hospital's nursery, but she accidentally switches them.

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Transcript
00:13I can't believe you used our money to buy a coffee maker.
00:18I mean, what kind of gift is that for a baby?
00:20Parents with new babies get no sleep.
00:22Coffee keeps you awake.
00:23It's perfect.
00:30Only three and a half minutes between contractions now.
00:33So, where'd you find the guitar?
00:35There's an entertainment room.
00:36Thought it might be nice to write Jen's mom a song.
00:38Oh, that's a great idea.
00:41No, she'll love it.
00:42Okay, so what rhymes with crowning?
00:44Then again, maybe she won't.
00:50Oh, come on, signal.
00:52I need a signal.
00:54Ah!
00:55Well, the emergency phone doesn't work, and neither does the alarm.
01:00What?
01:00Please don't hurt me again.
01:05She's getting fairly close, so if Jen isn't here, you guys need to think about who will go in the
01:09delivery room with her.
01:11No way!
01:12Why me?
01:13Nikki, it'll be fine.
01:15Jen will be here!
01:19I know you're nervous.
01:20We're all nervous.
01:22Heck, this is going to be my first delivery.
01:24What?
01:24Don't get me wrong.
01:25I have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing.
01:27I've done a lot of reading and saw most of a video.
01:30Most of a video?
01:31You are so not helping.
01:33Anywho, time is running out, so you need to decide who's going to be in the delivery room assisting me.
01:38Assisting you?
01:39Well, it can't be me.
01:40I mean, it just can't.
01:42The way that babies come out of women is...
01:43Stop!
01:44Stop talking!
01:45Okay, fine.
01:46Agreed.
01:46Wyatt is out.
01:47It's between you and me, Caitlin.
01:48Hang on.
01:49I touched a payphone today.
01:51I think I've done enough.
01:53Fine.
01:53If Jen is not here on time, I will do it.
01:56Now, I'm frightened, so I need to pee.
01:58I'll be right back.
02:00Oh, where are you, Jen?
02:06Security dude's still back there?
02:08Yeah, dude.
02:10He's unstoppable.
02:12Slow down, guys.
02:13We gotta split up.
02:15Good plan.
02:16Later, bro.
02:17Okay.
02:20Send me into the delivery room?
02:22No thank you, friends.
02:24Yeah, friends.
02:25Ah!
02:25More like shirkers.
02:27I blame all of you for this.
02:30You strange-looking creatures.
02:33Actually, you're alright.
02:35Just you, though.
02:36The rest of you?
02:37Huh.
02:38Well, some cute dimples on that one.
02:41He's okay, I guess.
02:43You, with the hair sticking up?
02:45Eh, not bad.
02:46Chubby face?
02:47Kind of cute.
02:49Oh, redhead.
02:51Oh, wow.
02:53You're beautiful.
02:55Oh, look.
02:57Hi.
02:58Hi, yeah.
02:59I'm Auntie Nikki.
03:01What the?
03:02Did I just get caught looking at babies?
03:06Yes, I did.
03:07Oh, my.
03:09Do I...
03:09Like babies?
03:15Where have you been?
03:17There was nothing to do here, so I went downtown and got a manicure.
03:20Nice!
03:21So Robbie and Diego were with you?
03:23Oh, I knew I forgot something.
03:25Uh, okay, okay.
03:26Does anyone know where they are?
03:42Would someone please go and hide them?
03:46Oh, oh, oh.
03:48Wyatt, she's talking to you.
03:50Oh.
03:53Where'd the coffee maker come from?
03:55I bought it as a gift for the baby.
03:56Wow.
03:58Dumb.
04:03Christopher McGrath?
04:04Yes?
04:05I should fire you for being late on your first day of work.
04:08You, uh, wouldn't be the first.
04:15What was that about?
04:16Hurry up and get into costume.
04:18I'll give you the $50 after you finish the show for the kids.
04:21$50, you say?
04:22Well, then, it's time for the Christopher McGrane show.
04:26McGrane?
04:26McGrath.
04:27I meant McGrath.
04:33Oh, sorry, dude.
04:35Didn't see you lying there.
04:38Whew.
04:40I don't know about you, but I am not having a frosty day.
04:46So, what are you in for?
04:51Don't want to talk about it, huh?
04:53That's cool by me.
04:54I'm just going to hang here for a second, chill.
04:58Whew.
05:00Yeah, definitely in need of a breather.
05:05So, uh, okay.
05:09Let's see here.
05:11All right.
05:12Who wants a balloon animal?
05:14Yeah, you!
05:15Coming right up.
05:18Oh.
05:20Oh.
05:23Oh.
05:23Oh.
05:23Time since her last contraction?
05:25Oh.
05:25Oh.
05:25Just under three minutes.
05:26Wow.
05:27Is that bad?
05:28I have no idea.
05:30I like the nursery.
05:32It's that baby smell.
05:34I just love it.
05:38That baby smell?
05:40Help!
05:41People are trapped in here!
05:45Ugh.
05:47After all those Lamaze classes, I'm going to miss the whole birth.
05:51Well, I think it's pretty cool that you're your mom's breathing coach, and I promise you'll make it.
05:55We're in this together.
05:56A team, okay?
05:58A team.
05:59Deal.
05:59Is anyone in there?
06:01Yes!
06:02Me!
06:02Me!
06:03Me!
06:03I'm in here!
06:06Have you seen two little boys, dark hair, doing something bad?
06:11I think I found them.
06:12Thanks for your time.
06:13Get back here!
06:16Okay.
06:18Woo.
06:18Head rush.
06:20Now you all have snakes.
06:22Cool, huh?
06:23But I don't like snakes.
06:25Well, who cares with you?
06:27Uh.
06:29Fine.
06:30Name an animal.
06:31I want a donkey.
06:32Donkey it is.
06:37I want a donkey.
06:40Ow!
06:42Grr!
06:50This one will work.
06:52Now that's it.
06:54Give me yours.
06:54Oh, come on!
07:00And the old guy kept farting through the whole race.
07:06It was like turbo boost, dude.
07:11Oh, you should have seen it.
07:13Steve?
07:16Like the other guy had to stay in the lead just to avoid the bomb stick.
07:22Oh, Steve-o!
07:25Good times, bro.
07:27Good times.
07:29I didn't catch that last part.
07:31What did you say?
07:33I said, get us out of here quick.
07:36The baby could be born any minute.
07:38Oh, my.
07:39A pregnant woman trapped in the elevator.
07:42I'll call 911.
07:44Um, don't push.
07:48Okay.
07:49Don't push what?
07:50I don't know.
07:55Oh, he does smell good.
07:58Oh, she smells good, too.
08:01Oh.
08:03Look who's holding a baby.
08:09Hey, what's the matter, Dimples?
08:12Do you want some attention, too?
08:14Hey, look who made a baby stop crying.
08:17Me.
08:18I did.
08:19Oh, who's a good mommy, huh?
08:21Is it me?
08:24Oh.
08:25Okay, kids, back in your cells.
08:27Big Red goes in here, and Dimples goes in here.
08:31Oh, no.
08:32Wrong baby.
08:33Wrong crib.
08:36Guess whose mommy and daddy are here to take them home.
08:39Oh, no.
08:40Please, no.
08:40Please, no.
08:40Please, no.
08:42Time to go home with your parents.
08:45Well, maybe not your parents, but...
08:48Parents.
08:54You're right, dude.
08:55I should be rocking school.
08:58I'm only letting myself down.
09:00You are such a good motivator, bro.
09:03Is that what you do for a living?
09:07But of course you want to date me.
09:10I'm King Jonesy, and you're a pig.
09:13Then why is it you're the only one who smells like a pig?
09:17Well, Pig Nicky, I'd rather smell like a pig than look like one.
09:23If I look like a pig, why is it you want to date me?
09:27Because I'm not really that picky.
09:30Wow.
09:30Now I'm flattered.
09:33Wait.
09:34Okay.
09:34I admit it.
09:35I like you.
09:36You're a pig, but I like you.
09:38Well, you're a goof, but you're king of the goofs.
09:42So I like you, too.
09:46Aw, gross.
09:47The end.
09:54That was so beautiful.
09:57I almost cried there.
10:01Thank you, sir.
10:02This was the best job I never had.
10:04You may as well fire me now.
10:06You're fired?
10:07Pleasure doing business with you.
10:10Nicky!
10:12I just made 50 bucks as a clown.
10:15I was a king, and you were a pig, and...
10:17I switched two babies in the nursery,
10:19and one is on the way home with the wrong parents.
10:21What?
10:22I was a pig?
10:23Not important.
10:24I was holding dimples and redhead at the same time,
10:26and loving it,
10:27and then the nurse came back,
10:28and I put them in the wrong cribs,
10:29and the nurse took dimples,
10:30and is giving him to the parents instead of redhead.
10:33What do I do?
10:34You like babies now?
10:36Okay, can you tease me about this later?
10:38A baby is about to leave the hospital with the wrong parents.
10:41Technically, it's the parents leaving the hospital with the wrong...
10:43Josie!
10:44Okay, okay!
10:45Buy a doll at the gift shop,
10:47swap it out for redhead in the nursery,
10:49find the parents,
10:50and swap redhead for dimples,
10:51and get dimples back in the crib before anyone notices the doll!
10:54This is the one and only time I will ever say this.
10:57I love you and your big dumb brain.
10:59Mwah!
11:02Hey!
11:03Did she just say she loved me?
11:05Huh!
11:06Guess it's true what they say about a man in uniform.
11:09Oh, yeah!
11:11Yeah!
11:20So the ship is sinking, right?
11:22And a piece of wood can't support them both.
11:25So he kisses her,
11:26and he sinks into the dark water.
11:34A young woman stuck in an elevator is having a baby.
11:37This is what I do.
11:38Later, Shelly.
11:40Hi.
11:41Did two little dark hair...
11:43Excuse me.
11:45Uh, fourth floor.
11:47Code orange.
11:49Uh, code yellow?
11:51Code blue.
11:55All right, here goes nothing.
12:02Ugh!
12:05Why, oh, why do I have to like babies?
12:08Ah!
12:09Oh!
12:10Help!
12:11Those contrition thingies are getting really close together.
12:15Ah!
12:16Is Jen here yet?
12:18Not yet.
12:19You hang in there, Mom.
12:21Nikki!
12:21Is...
12:22Is Nikki there?
12:23No.
12:24Caitlin!
12:24Go find her!
12:25Please!
12:26Yes!
12:27No, wait.
12:28I'll go.
12:29Courtney!
12:30You stay!
12:30Caitlin!
12:31Go!
12:32No!
12:33Oh!
12:34Hurry.
12:37Nikki?
12:38Nikki!
12:40Caitlin!
12:41Caitlin!
12:42Where's Jen?
12:42Nikki loves me.
12:43Did...
12:43Did Jen's mom have the baby?
12:45Where have you been?
12:46I was in...
12:47No one cares.
12:47Last time I talked with Jen, she said that you'd better stop clowning around.
12:52Which is pretty uncanny.
12:54Why are you wearing that?
12:55I was downstairs doing a...
12:57No one cares.
12:57You keep asking questions and...
13:00Your stepmom is here having a baby.
13:02And I know being responsible isn't your thing.
13:04But until Jen gets here, it is your thing.
13:08What's the big...
13:09Jen's not here.
13:10Wyatt is trying to find your brothers.
13:11I touched a pay phone.
13:13Nikki's disappeared.
13:14And Courtney refuses to go into the delivery room.
13:17So if you can't convince her to and Jen doesn't get here...
13:20You're going in.
13:22Okay.
13:22All right.
13:24I'm in control of this.
13:29How dare they?
13:31You already confiscated my phone.
13:34Isn't that enough?
13:35I do look pretty good, though.
13:39My first real modeling gig.
13:42I miss Star.
13:44We used to be like two peas in a pod.
13:47But now I'm like a pea and she's like a...
13:51Duck.
13:52Or something even less pea-like.
13:55Um, are you a family member?
13:57Nah, we're just buds.
13:59Well, you really shouldn't be down here.
14:01Take a moment to say your goodbyes and then you have to go.
14:04Oh, okay.
14:06It's been great, dude.
14:08Lots of laughs.
14:10Some good heart-to-hearts.
14:11And you really taught me a ton about, like, life itself.
14:16Until we meet again.
14:18You take care, bro.
14:20That was beautiful.
14:23Okay.
14:24Oh, and dude, if you're ever at the mall, swing on by the ice rink and say,
14:30Hey!
14:31Hey!
14:32Hey!
14:41You!
14:42Please don't throw me back in jail, please!
14:45I did some recon and called the hospital.
14:49Your mom really is in labor.
14:52A teen who tells the truth.
14:54Never thought I'd see the day.
14:55Has she?
14:56Not yet, but soon.
14:57So, try and look pregnant.
14:59Get this woman to the hospital!
15:02Oh!
15:03I mean...
15:04Oh!
15:05Take it easy, lady.
15:06I gotcha.
15:07Oh!
15:09Thanks, Ron.
15:10Bye, Nathan!
15:11Oh!
15:12Woo!
15:16Excuse me.
15:17Uh, baby people?
15:18Wait.
15:19Hi.
15:20I'm a real nurse.
15:21Well, of course, I'm a real nurse.
15:24I am.
15:25But, uh, we forgot to, um, to, uh, measure the baby's face.
15:30So, we keep the face measuring machine in the baby carriage here.
15:37Wow.
15:38Perfect face size.
15:39You got yourself a good one there.
15:49Now, to get you back to the nursery.
15:54Have you seen a nervous-looking girl?
15:56Pierced nose, big pants?
16:01Where's Mrs. Masterson Garcia?
16:02I'm her daughter.
16:03Jen!
16:04Caitlin!
16:05Has she?
16:05No!
16:06Not cool.
16:06Your mom was so worried.
16:08Plug it!
16:09Hey, you're not pregnant.
16:10Pregnant?
16:13Look, I'm a model.
16:17Why aren't you wearing any shoes?
16:19Darth chewed them off.
16:20Long story.
16:22Your mother is on her way to the delivery room.
16:24This way.
16:27So, he sinks in the dark water, and then wham!
16:30She's an old lady holding a necklace.
16:33You can't write that stuff.
16:35And Jen's not here, so we've got to try and be as mature.
16:38There is Jen, which neither of us can do on our own.
16:41But maybe together, we can get close.
16:43You are going into that delivery room to help keep your mom calm.
16:47I'd do it, but that would only cause irreversible damage that would require years of therapy.
16:52Nikki loves me.
16:53I'll stay here in case Robbie and Diego turn up.
16:55But I'm the pretty one.
16:57Not today, Courtney.
16:58Today, you're Jen.
17:00Today, we are both Jen.
17:02Reliable, responsible, boring Jen.
17:04Jen, now get in there.
17:06Okay, I can do this.
17:08I'm here.
17:10She's here.
17:14Go, go.
17:20We totally had that covered.
17:22Yeah, I think we actually did.
17:24Courtney, you should come in too.
17:26But I don't...
17:27I'll do all the work.
17:29I just think Mom would like it if we were both in the room with her.
17:32Really?
17:33Thanks, Jen.
17:35Where's Nikki?
17:36Switching babies.
17:37She loves me.
17:42Uh, okay.
17:44This looks bad, but it was an accident.
17:46See, I was sniffing the babies because you said they smelled good, and I had two in my
17:49arms, and you were coming back.
17:51Uh, panic, panic.
17:52So I put them in the wrong crib, so you gave dimples to the wrong parents, so I had to
17:56stop
17:56them and switch the babies back, or he would have gone home with the wrong family.
18:01Is that all?
18:02What?
18:03We mix up babies in here all the time.
18:06They all look the same.
18:07It's hard not to.
18:08Yeah, I guess I can see that.
18:11Oh, your friend's mother is in the delivery room.
18:13You should join your party in the waiting room.
18:19You always send the babies home with the right parents in the end, though, right?
18:25Hmm.
18:26Good luck, guys.
18:32Not a toy!
18:33Not!
19:05So, what have you been doing all day?
19:07I just wanted her named after you.
19:09You named the baby Mrs. Masterson?
19:11No, Jude.
19:12Emma.
19:13The baby's name is Emma.
19:15Phew!
19:19Hey, I heard some of what you said to Courtney.
19:22Thanks for taking charge while I wasn't here.
19:24No problem, Jen.
19:25Anything for my second favorite sister?
19:28Can I hold her now?
19:30Aww.
19:31Aww.
19:37What's that for?
19:38Oh, nothing.
19:40Just don't take it off until you get her home.
19:43Jude!
19:44What?
19:46Oh, right.
19:50Say my name.
19:52Jude!
19:54Good one.
19:56Good one.
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