- 14 hours ago
First broadcast 10th May 1979.
Hazell finds himself in deep trouble when he is hired by a local villain Big Dave Castle to find his stolen Bentley.
Nicholas Ball - James Hazell
Roddy McMillan - 'Choc' Minty
Desmond McNamara - Cousin Tel
Peter Bourke - Graham Morris
Billy Murray - Big Dave Castle
Richard Ireson - Bernard Fliegelmann
Michael Halsey - Duggie Connell
Ron Bain - Strake
Paul Ridley - Det. Constable Ritchie
Cindy O'Callaghan - Patsy Flanagan
Pauline Delaney - Sister
Ivor Roberts - Police Sergeant
Liz Crowther - Cynthia
Royston Farrel - Cyril
Steve Kelly - Heavy
Betty Hardy - Gladys Hazell
Hazell finds himself in deep trouble when he is hired by a local villain Big Dave Castle to find his stolen Bentley.
Nicholas Ball - James Hazell
Roddy McMillan - 'Choc' Minty
Desmond McNamara - Cousin Tel
Peter Bourke - Graham Morris
Billy Murray - Big Dave Castle
Richard Ireson - Bernard Fliegelmann
Michael Halsey - Duggie Connell
Ron Bain - Strake
Paul Ridley - Det. Constable Ritchie
Cindy O'Callaghan - Patsy Flanagan
Pauline Delaney - Sister
Ivor Roberts - Police Sergeant
Liz Crowther - Cynthia
Royston Farrel - Cyril
Steve Kelly - Heavy
Betty Hardy - Gladys Hazell
Category
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TVTranscript
00:29I'll see you next time.
00:37Funnily enough, it started out as one of them days that begins spot-on, a blinder.
00:42Know what I mean?
00:43You've got a little chum in the suds beside you, and everything in the boudoir's rosy.
00:53How you doing?
00:55A memento, senorita.
00:56Only days that start out like race uncertainties have a nasty habit of finishing down the field.
01:09There we go, then.
01:11Two boudins.
01:18Eat your egg.
01:27Have you got any plans today, Patsy?
01:29Me? None at all, love. I can meet you up west for lunch if it suits.
01:33No, not today, darling. I'm going to be ducking and diving enough as it is.
01:36Anyway, I thought you'd been far too busy to think about lunch.
01:39Me? Doing what?
01:40What?
01:41Going home, for instance. Shedding a few tears on your husband's shoulder.
01:44You know, sorry Desmond, I ain't been home for a few nights, but he was really getting out my nose,
01:47so I decided to take a break from the kitchen sink.
01:49Forgive me, darling. It won't never happen again.
01:51I'm not going back to him, Jimmy.
01:54Tell me, Darfler.
01:55Back to that swine. After what he did to me, I should cocoa.
01:59Oh.
02:00Oh.
02:04Hang up out.
02:11Yeah.
02:13Ah, hello, Till.
02:14What's your problem?
02:18What proposition?
02:22Uh, yeah, alright. Look, 11.15.
02:25I'll be there.
02:31Uh, sorry, Pets. I've got to go. Something's come up.
02:34Oh, very convenient.
02:35Who's next?
02:36Huh?
02:38Well, look, go home, love. Make it up with Des.
02:40I'll give you Bill in a day or two.
02:42I'm not going back to Des, Jimmy. In any case, he wouldn't take me back, not Des.
02:46After he knows I spent two nights with you.
02:50You don't tell him that you've been with me, do you, love?
02:53I mean, you tell him you've been, like, sleeping rough somewhere.
02:56YWCA or something.
02:57You wouldn't believe me. He's always been able to read me like the classified results.
03:02Yeah, well, you can't move in here, darling, because I'm not into that kind of situation.
03:06Bastard.
03:07Oh, now, look, Pets, Jimmy.
03:08You lousy bastard, Jimmy Azel. Oh, you was well pleased two nights ago when I turned up.
03:12Yeah, well, look, we've had a couple of good nights. Now, don't spoil it, eh?
03:17You would, wouldn't you? You'd sling me out when I got nowhere else to go.
03:22Oh, all right. Look, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm not an evil-hearted fellow. I'll go.
03:27Oh, don't leave me, Jimmy. Please, not on my own. I can't be on my own. I never could. I'll
03:32do something.
03:33Now, look, don't lean on me, Pets. I will. Try me. See if I don't. You leave me here all
03:38night on my own. I really will, Jimmy. I'll make you regret it all your life. Go on. Leave me.
03:42Try me.
03:43Don't come too strong.
03:52I will come back tonight. I promise.
03:56But look, I've got to go out because it's business, yeah?
03:59But I will come back. I swear.
04:04Well, we can talk about it then, eh?
04:09Agreed?
04:10So, er, nothing silly.
04:15Understood?
04:44Well, you start out trying to play the Good Samaritan by giving a homeless bird a good night's kip, and
04:50you end up getting your wrists smacked. Lovely, innit?
04:54She wouldn't, though, would she? No, not Petsy. I mean, it's all frets. She wouldn't really do anything. Ones that
05:01talk about it never do. Well, not often.
05:06What would you say, Jim Jim? If I was to offer you half a pig?
05:11I'll probably grunt. Half a pig?
05:13Well, not necessarily half a porky, Jim Jim. Could be all of a tasty little lamb.
05:18What are you talking about, Tell?
05:19Meat, my son. Your actual proteins. I'm into it. I picked up this fantastic contact who kills his owner. You
05:25name your favourite cut, cousin Tell can fill your deep freeze.
05:29I mean, it's not oblique, oblique. You don't have to worry about it, right? You can start off with plate
05:34-sized portions and work your way up.
05:36What about a nice bit of fillet steak, eh? I mean, think of it, Jim Jim.
05:41You can invite this bird back to the flat, right? Touch of the candle lights, bottle of plonk. You giving
05:47it your old cordon blues.
05:48I mean, you're not only poor, Jim Jim. At my prices, you'll be pulling at less than two-thirds of
05:52retail cost.
05:53Maybe you prefer rump.
05:56Do you mean to say that you got me in here to bend me ear about bent meat?
06:00Yeah. Well, no. Not just that, Jim Jim, no.
06:05All right, let's have it, sunshine. Come on.
06:07Well, I don't know if I've ever dropped it in a conversation, mate, but every now and again, you know,
06:11just occasionally,
06:13I do the old little job for, er, Dave Castle.
06:18Did you say Dave Castle? That's it.
06:20No, that is the Dave Castle. Big Dave Castle.
06:24You've got him.
06:25You were definitely thicker than I thought to.
06:27Oh, leave it out. Jim Jim is all business now.
06:30I mean, he's a member of at least three clubs, to my knowledge.
06:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:33You've got to keep in with people, Jim Jim.
06:34Yeah.
06:36What do you mean, do the old little job for him?
06:37Well, I just run the old little errand, that's all.
06:40Like what?
06:41Well, like, er, well, take this morning, right?
06:43I was delivering his stag set that he hadn't lended for him,
06:46and he happened to mention he had this job he wanted doing for him, you know, this investigating lark.
06:50So I sort of happened to, as it happened, I mentioned you.
06:55You did what?
06:56Well, it's work, isn't it, Jim Jim?
06:57Tell, there is work and work.
07:00Now, there's the work that you get paid for doing,
07:01and there's the work where you end up spitting out teeth.
07:03Now, I don't need enemies, do I? Not with you for a relative.
07:06Oh, I thought you'd be pleased.
07:07I mean, I also thought there might be a bit of commission in it for me.
07:09Yeah, but now, you tell Mr Castle that James Osall regrets, et cetera, et cetera.
07:14Now, excuse me, my son, because I'm busy.
07:17All right.
07:18All right, Jim Jim, what do you want?
07:19Here we go, eh?
07:20Out.
07:20I was doing you a favour, weren't I?
07:22Out.
07:22You're getting fussy, are you?
07:25What's that?
07:26It's a blister beetle.
07:28Oh, yeah? Never heard of it.
07:32Graham, tell me something.
07:34Does drawing all these creepy crawlies make you itchy?
07:37Or are you naturally an itchy person?
07:41It's called neurotic eczema.
07:43Oh.
07:44And it's caused by your telephone, Mr Hazel.
07:47Do you realise I've had to break off three times already
07:49from inking in this one wing case?
07:52Do you mean to tell me that I've had a phone call this morning
07:54and you haven't told me?
07:55You've only just come in.
07:56Would you mind telling me now?
08:04Fliggleman and Fliggleman.
08:05Was that a stutter?
08:08Solicitors.
08:09Oh.
08:10Can you manage a half past two appointment with a Mr Bernard Fliggleman this afternoon?
08:14What's it about?
08:15I just write down the names and the numbers.
08:17If not, you're to let him know.
08:20Next.
08:22A lady.
08:23Of a rather hysterical nature.
08:25Oh, good.
08:26Extremely colourful turn of phrase when I told her you weren't here.
08:29Call me every kind of liar.
08:31The general drift of her message was,
08:33you better go home tonight or else.
08:36Well, look.
08:36If she calls again,
08:38you just carry on inking in this one wing case.
08:41That's the lot.
08:43No, no.
08:44That's only two.
08:45You said there were three.
08:47The third is more in the nature of a personal memo for myself.
08:53Have you ever considered hiring an automatic answering machine?
08:57Great.
08:58Now you enjoy it really.
09:00Admit it.
09:01I mean, if my blower didn't distract you every now and again,
09:03well, you'd never have a chance to say,
09:06well, back to the drawing board.
09:11Good afternoon, Mr. Kegelman.
09:12Good afternoon, Cynthia.
09:15I shall be in conference for the next half hour, Cynthia,
09:18if you'll see we're not disturbed.
09:19What shall I do to pass the time?
09:21Stand on me head?
09:23Mr. Hazel, is it?
09:24Am I late or are you early?
09:26I seem to lose all track of time.
09:28Um, never mind.
09:29Um, come on through.
09:36Mr. Hazel,
09:37allow me to introduce Mr. David Castle.
09:41How do you do?
09:43I should have known.
09:45Fit up job.
09:46Um, I don't take your meeting, Mr. Hazel.
09:48Mr. Castle has a business deal he wishes to discuss with you.
09:52Yeah, well, I already gave my answer to another of Mr. Castle's runners already this morning.
09:55I don't take on the kind of jobs that Mr. Castle needs doing.
09:58And what kind of jobs are they?
10:01No guns.
10:01No knives.
10:02No blades.
10:03No razors.
10:03Bobber boots.
10:04Do unto others, etc, etc.
10:06I thought the cousin teller already passed the word.
10:08I'm a peace-loving man, Mr. Castle.
10:10I don't know what he's talking about.
10:12Do you know what he's talking about, Bernie?
10:16I think he must have you mixed up with another Mr. Castle.
10:20Mr. Castle.
10:21Um, shall you outline the assignment to him or shall I?
10:26Some dirty little thief has, er, stolen my motorcar.
10:30And I would like you to get it back for me.
10:33Quickly.
10:34I beg your pardon?
10:36You, er, have difficulty with the English language, do you, Mr. Hazel?
10:41I said, some dirty, stinking little toe rag has had it away with my Bentley.
10:49And I badly want it back.
10:51All right.
10:53What does he do for an encore, eh?
10:55Kick me with a whoopee cushion or, er, pass out the exploding cigars.
10:59It's no joke, Mr. Hazel.
11:01I don't make jokes.
11:02I've never made a joke in my whole life.
11:05Why doesn't he go to the law?
11:07I'm beginning to think this Mr. Hazel's not as bright as people say he is, Bernie.
11:12Fill him in on the small print, will you?
11:15Er, Mr. Castle, erm, controls a number of businesses in the East End.
11:22Plus one or two in Soho.
11:25He's, er, well known in the scrap metal industry, etc.
11:30He dabbles in the waste paper trade, etc.
11:33Now, rightly or wrongly, and who are we to judge, in order to maintain these interests,
11:38it is desirable that Mr. Castle presents himself as a figure of substance to his, erm, business rivals.
11:48No.
11:49Mr. Hazel.
11:50What he's trying to say is, I would like you to get that car back,
11:56before word gets around that it's even gone, alright?
12:02Sorry, etc.
12:04But get yourself another boy.
12:07Fifty pounds a day.
12:09Plus expenses.
12:11Plus.
12:12An extra grand bonus is found within a week.
12:18A foul?
12:20That is how much it means to me.
12:22Savvy.
12:24It was left parked outside a restaurant at half past eight this morning.
12:29I've only gone inside for a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea.
12:32Where's this restaurant where you left it?
12:34Number one of Vista off the old India Road.
12:37Owner by the name of Strake.
12:40Do we have a contract, Mr. Hazel?
12:46Okay.
12:48I remember.
12:49If it's not found within a week, the, er, thousand bonus is caught off.
12:53So it's me.
12:54If it ain't showed up within a week, it ain't gonna show up at all.
12:56You better show up, Mr. Hazel.
12:59Because that's what I'm paying you for, alright?
13:05And, er, on the subject of showing, all expenses are accountable, right?
13:10I shall want to see your receipts.
13:15Alright.
13:20Hey, hey, hey.
13:25Give over.
13:25Look.
13:27It says here, one million wins one free replay.
13:30Well, I got one million.
13:32No replay.
13:34I know.
13:37I'm entitled to a free replay.
13:39Free replay's no good to you, Hugh.
13:41Not in that machine.
13:42Snack him.
13:44A million light don't work.
13:49You straight.
13:51Who wants him?
13:52I do.
13:53James Hazel.
13:55Mr. Castle's asked me to make a few inquiries about his Bentley.
13:58Know anything about it, do you?
14:02That bleeding knock out of this one, isn't it?
14:04Nick and Big Dave Castle's jam-ja.
14:07About half past eight this morning, mate.
14:09He strolls in here, has one cup of tea, strolls out again.
14:13A minute later, he's back in, white as a sheet.
14:17What's the matter, Mr. Castle? I asked him.
14:19Because I could see he was shaking.
14:21You'll never believe this strike, he says.
14:24Some dirty light finger gets been and had it away with my motor car.
14:29Well, I believed him straight off, because I could see he was shaking.
14:34Shook me as well, I can tell you.
14:37How many customers in at the time?
14:39Just my regular layabouts.
14:41I've been two or three football hooligans creating in that table all the time.
14:44Football hooligans?
14:45Half past eight in the morning?
14:46It's a full-time occupation, we lock them round here.
14:49We've got it in the cards at the social security.
14:52Occupation.
14:53Football hooligan.
14:55So they don't waste their time sending them for the kind of employment where they have to turn up two
14:59days in the truck.
15:01Any old nip out while Big Dave was cooking his little finger round your bone china?
15:04No.
15:05They wouldn't nick his car.
15:07They're football hooligans.
15:09Megan Bacon.
15:13So no strangers around at all?
15:15Nothing unusual?
15:17I wouldn't know.
15:19I keep my head down.
15:21I don't bother nobody.
15:23I mean, who needs it, Mr. Hazel?
15:26Just your friendly neighbourhood caterer.
15:29Eh, Mr. Streit?
15:32Stay out of the way, that's what I always say.
15:43Hang on a sec, though.
15:44Hmm?
15:45I'll tell you who was in here this morning.
15:48Not when Big Dave was in, which is probably why I didn't tumble it before.
15:52But he walked out through that door just a couple of minutes before Big Dave walked in.
15:58Backseat Burton.
16:00Backseat Burton?
16:02Tommy. Backseat Burton.
16:04And he and Mr. Castle had a big ruck not more than a month ago.
16:08Oh, yeah.
16:11I, er...
16:12I don't suppose you could tell me where I might find this Tommy backseat Burton.
16:17Could you?
16:34Now I'm looking for a motor in the 20,000 plus class.
16:39And I end up in a jungle.
16:43Terrific.
16:43Terrific.
17:04Mr. Burton?
17:05Mr. Burton?
17:07Mr. Burton?
17:11Mr. Burton?
17:14Mr. Burton?
17:17Mr. Burton?
17:19Mr. Burton?
17:20Mr. Burton?
17:20Mr. Burton?
17:21Mr. Burton?
17:21Mr. Burton?
17:22Mr. Burton?
17:22Mr. Burton?
17:24Mr. Burton?
17:25Mr. Burton?
17:46I don't believe it.
17:47Like drawing straws in a Turkish brothel and finding you pulled a page-free pin-up.
18:21LBC 261, all the news, all the time.
18:39Keep going.
18:41No!
18:42Look!
19:30Fantasies aside, I might just drive it round to Big Dave Castle and pick up a swift Grand.
19:36I might just drive it round to Big Dave Castle.
20:19Jimmy Hazel?
20:47I might just drive it round to Big Dave Castle.
20:58Big Dave Castle.
21:02Big Dave Castle.
21:08Big Dave Castle.
21:33Big Dave Castle.
21:50Big Dave Castle.
22:19Big Dave Castle.
23:11Big Dave Castle.
23:13Big Dave Castle.
23:18Big Dave Castle.
23:32Big Dave Castle.
23:36Big Dave Castle.
23:39Big Dave Castle.
23:42Big Dave Castle.
23:43Big Dave Castle.
23:43Big Dave Castle.
23:44Big Dave Castle.
23:46Big Dave Castle.
23:47Big Dave Castle.
23:59Big Dave Castle.
24:15Big Dave Castle.
24:18Big Dave Castle.
24:44Big Dave Castle.
24:46Big Dave Castle.
24:48Big Dave Castle.
24:49Big Dave Castle.
24:50Big Dave Castle.
24:52Big Dave Castle.
25:05Big Dave Castle.
25:05rang the local night. Tipped them off. Who? What do you know about the Connell cousins?
25:11You're not saying it was the Connell twins who turned me over are you?
25:15Struggle on. I'm lucky to be alive. You're luckier than Dickie Connell. He's dead. Poor bastard.
25:22But it could have been Dougie and some other member of the team who had a go at you.
25:27Why? What for? Reprisal. You see the word has it that your boss, Big Dave Castle,
25:34killed Dickie Connell, or caused him to be killed yesterday morning, the day you joined the staff.
25:41Now you got away with mud at once Hazel. You will not get away with complicity on this occasion.
25:48Can either of you two gentlemen explain the presence of these articles on the hospital forecourt?
25:53They are my strides but it was Rob Roy here who elbowed him out the window.
25:57And why did he do that? Well just being a silly billy sister. Were you indeed?
26:01Then it may or may not interest you to know that while I was attempting to reverse my escort
26:07into a parking space this Garmin struck my rear window completely obscuring my vision and causing
26:13me to reverse into a senior surgeon's 500cc motorcycle causing extensive damage to both vehicles.
26:19You will accompany me to the car park. I'll be with you in a minute ma'am.
26:22I am assisting that you come with me now. I am a senior police officer and I'm pursuing certain
26:28inquiries. And I am the ward sister in complete control of this floor. You will do as I say and
26:34accompany me to the car park without further argument or I shall summon the assistance of my ward porters
26:40and have you physically carried down. Wait a minute ma'am. Did you hear me? I said now.
26:48I'll be back to you Hizzle. Come along. I shall be more than interested to learn how a supposedly
26:55adult person came to be involved in a sort of idiotic flight. I was considered an Italian
27:00teenage medical school. And I shall require to have a written down. Oh and may be using evidence again.
27:07Oh Chucky. With the right magistrate you could go down for life. I've been driving for 20 years.
27:14I've never had an accident. Do you realize that your stupid behaviour may cause me to lose my
27:18no-paid bonus? Well I'm very sorry about that. But I'm sure there's something that can be settled.
27:23What is your racket? First thing I have to do is see big Dave Castle and tell him
27:28very sorry but I'm withdrawing me labour. Looking for a missing car is one thing. But getting involved
27:33in the resulting aggro between Dave Castle and the surviving Connell cousin is not my idea of staying
27:38healthy. So what was it it said in my eyes scope in this morning's paper? That Jupiter and the
27:42sun were adversely linked and likely to be causing me domestic difficulties. And then it suddenly hit
27:48me. Patsy. I'd made a definite promise to a neurotic suicidal house guest that I'd be home the night
27:54before. And I hadn't even rung her. Oh God. She might have stuck her head in the oven. No, no,
28:00she can't have done. I'm all electric. She could have gone through my drawers and taken all the pills.
28:04All I got is a load of saccharine. She couldn't have sweetened herself to death.
28:09What I have to do, dead smart, is get myself to a phone box. Telephone boxes are a bit like
28:15coppers.
28:15You can never find one when you want one. And when you do find one, they're hardly ever all there.
28:25Ah, sorry old mate. I've got to phone me mum.
28:35Patsy. Patsy, come on girl. Pick up the phone. She's out. That's all. Or else she's gone back to her
28:44ever-loving
28:45husband. The big bad Desmond. Hello, hello, hello. A minute ago that phone was vandalised.
28:53Yeah, that's right. That innocent and fresh-faced youth. It's not as innocent and fresh-faced as
28:58he would have me think. He's the old young Bill.
29:25He's got to be one of Minty's merry men. And this one's such a nice young lad.
29:32You wouldn't mind him marrying your kid sister. Any more fair enough? Any more tickets, please?
29:40Any fence? Ah, I'm with him. I know, I've got no chance. 40p.
29:45240p, sir. 240p. 80p, Governor, please. Thank you. 80p, 81, 10, 80, 90, 100. Thank you. Any more now.
30:02All right, let's go.
30:15May I? No problem. You don't mind if I have my ticket, do you? Only, uh, I'm the same as
30:20you,
30:20you see? Accountable expenses. Oh, did I say 40p? I am a silly buddy. Eight would have done.
30:27Because we're here.
31:00Just going in for a cup of tea and a quick jibby. Won't be long.
31:10Patsy? Pets?
31:17Oh, Patsy. I don't believe it.
31:26I wouldn't turn round if I was you, Mr. Hazel. I've got a shooter pointed right at the back of
31:30your head.
31:48You must be Doug E. Connell. Who told you?
31:52Ah, it's just a nasty feeling I've got. Coupled with the fact that it's not really my day.
31:56See, the Sun and Jupiter are adversely linked according to the morning paper.
32:00I'm not in the mood for jokes, Hazel. Funnily enough, neither am I. So if we're both going to be
32:05serious, you can put that gun away for a start, because there's no way you can use it. Not in
32:08here.
32:09Not with that detective constable standing across the street. Go on.
32:13If you don't believe me, take a look for yourself.
32:23M. He's not the law.
32:24Yes, he is. Straight out of training college. Keen as mustard. And he's, uh, excuse duties on bonfire night,
32:30see, because he's got this nervous disposition. So if you fire that cannon in here, he's gonna have
32:36the screaming abdex. I've got no quarrel with you, Hazel. I just came round here to make a point.
32:42Yeah. Do you have to labour it?
32:44I've never done all this. Leave it out.
32:46I'm telling you, it's not my style. I might have the lads come round and break your arms and rough
32:51you up, but I don't go in for this kind of stuff. You can't hold it at the end of
32:55that, will you?
32:57What, you mean it was like this when you arrived?
32:58Of course. What do you take me for? I'm a straight up villain, Hazel. No way am I a vandal.
33:06Got it? Yes.
33:09Right then. Listen, all I want is justice. That's all I'm asking for. Justice?
33:18You couldn't even spell it. Not if it was written down for you.
33:22Big Dave Castle done cousin Dickie. Dickie and me was best mates.
33:28Spare me the arts and flowers, will you, Conal?
33:33What's all this to me anyway? I want Dave Castle done. You're on Castle's team.
33:39You're also in with the law.
33:43I told you that.
33:47I had it with the grapevine.
33:49Yeah, well your grapevine has got to gallop in blight.
33:51Because first, I'm not in with the law. Secondly, I am not on big Dave Castle's team.
33:55I'm merely employed by him to find his missing motor.
33:59Wasn't you that next hit, was it?
34:01No. But I wish I had.
34:03If I can get my hands on Castle's motor, I'll have all the evidence I need.
34:07Our Dickie's lying in the boot.
34:09Poor sod.
34:11Say that again.
34:13Say that again?
34:16Dickie, Conal. One of the Conal cousins.
34:20A pair of East End villains, except that now they're in the singular, of course.
34:23Because your valued and esteemed client, Mr. David Castle, had the other one knocked off.
34:28Yes, eh, Mr. Hazel.
34:30Why should my client have this chap, Conal, murdered? What for?
34:35I don't know what for.
34:37Because he didn't like his aftershave.
34:39Or the noise he made when he scoffed his suit.
34:41Because he's like that, right?
34:43And having had him knocked off, he bungs his body into the boot of his Bentley.
34:46He's on his way to dump it, except his car gets nicked on route.
34:50Why else do you think he's so anxious to get rid of it?
34:52Well surely, Mr. Hazel, you're not seriously suggesting that a murderer would go into a cafe
34:57for a cup of tea and leave his victim's body in the boot of his car?
35:00Not your normal friendly neighborhood murderer, no. But he would. Big Dave Castle. Anytime.
35:07Look, I heard it from a detective inspector himself.
35:09Came round to quiz me while I was in the hospital.
35:12Why else do you think I was done over in the breakers yard?
35:14I haven't the vaguest idea, Mr. Hazel.
35:16Because the Conal mob had got my card marked as being on Big Dave Castle's team.
35:20And I'd have still been hanging around there if someone hadn't called the old bill.
35:24Yes, but what I still don't understand is how all of this is any concern of mine.
35:30It concerns you, Mr. Fiegelman.
35:32Because it was you that rode me into all this aggro in the first place and I won out.
35:37Excuse me.
35:39But any arrangements made between Mr. Castle and your good self, Mr. Hazel,
35:43were made strictly between your good self and Mr. Castle.
35:46Neither myself nor this office are to be considered involved in any way.
35:50Like earlier not.
35:52You've set this up. You've set me up in this job.
35:54And as far as I'm concerned between you, me and the law society, this entire episode is down to you.
35:58So you can get your quote, respectable businessman, unquote, client on the blower
36:04and tell him I won out. As of now.
36:08My dear Mr. Hazel, I haven't the vaguest idea of Mr. Castle's whereabouts.
36:13I wish I had. I've been trying to contact him all day on another business matter.
36:19Yes, Cynthia?
36:20Mr. Castle is here to see you, Mr. Fiegelman.
36:23Send him in.
36:32Afternoon, Bernie.
36:36What's your game, Hazel?
36:38I'm paying you good money to be out there, sorting out my missing car.
36:43Yeah, well, I'm handing in my notice on that assignment. As of now.
36:47Tell him.
36:49According to Mr. Hazel, David, there's a murdered body in the boot of your missing car.
36:54Is that right?
36:58And, uh, has this corpse got a name?
37:01Used to answer to the name of Dickie Connell.
37:04Go on.
37:06Is, uh, this the story he's been telling you?
37:10He's having you on, Bernie.
37:13Either that or he's got my missing car mixed up with somebody's hers.
37:17Where'd you get that from?
37:18Dougie, Connell.
37:20Dougie?
37:21That something he ain't the hooligan.
37:24Look, don't you know, my old son, they'd do anything to give a decent citizen aggravation.
37:29The Connells.
37:30Also, I have it on the highest authority that the serious crime squad is searching for the
37:34last remains of Dickie Connell.
37:36And, uh, they're also of the same opinion that it's in the boot of my nice,
37:41clean-shining Bentley, and they haven't been looking past the ends of their noses, have they?
37:51It's turned up.
37:53You've got it back?
37:55Not quite.
37:56But I'm aware of his exact location.
38:00The uniformed lot have got it.
38:02It's been towed away.
38:05Towed away?
38:07Whoever nicked my car must have, uh, parked it on a double yellow line.
38:17Are you saying, Mr Castle, that your
38:20Bentley Continental is, as of this immediate moment, in a police compound with a body in the boot?
38:25No.
38:26You're saying that.
38:28I'm not saying anything until I've seen my solicitor.
38:30Think about it.
38:31It's you, ain't it, Bernie?
38:34I've not heard a word of this conversation, David.
38:36I am not in this room.
38:37I've never been in this room.
38:41Oi.
38:44What's this?
38:45Now, what'd they look like?
38:47A spare set of car keys.
38:49You're in charge of Operation Motor, so, uh,
38:52skedaddle down there and bail it out.
38:55Owen, you'd better take this.
38:59Identification.
39:09Are you seriously suggesting that I go down to the police car band and collect your car?
39:15I am.
39:16Just like that?
39:18Certainly.
39:19Just, uh, excuse me, Mr Policeman, but can we have our car back?
39:22It's a Bentley.
39:24One with a body in the boot.
39:26Look, whatever's in the boot of that car is totally my responsibility.
39:33You don't know what's in the boot, and the traffic police don't know what's in the boot.
39:39You're just paying a fine and picking up a car, that's all.
39:44You don't know what's in the boot of that car.
39:45So, get your arse into gear, get down there and pick it up.
39:49Okay?
39:51You do like your little joke, don't you?
39:53I told you before, Mr Hazel, I don't make jokes.
39:57And I told you before.
40:00I want out.
40:02There is no out, Mr Hazel.
40:05You and I, we, uh, have a contract.
40:09I'll honour my side of it.
40:11And you will honour yours.
40:20Afternoon.
40:23Aye, aye.
40:25Come again?
40:28Aye, aye.
40:29Aye, aye.
40:36Now, don't tell me.
40:37Let me guess.
40:39You're the old Rover 2000.
40:41Abandoned, facing the wrong way up a Walmart Street.
40:44Either that, Squire, or you're the Blue Ford Escort.
40:47Left double parked all night outside the Tom Tom Club in the Marlin Road.
40:52Bentley Continental.
40:56Are you indeed, sir?
40:58Yeah.
40:59Lovely job.
41:00Ain't it?
41:01Just collecting it for a friend.
41:04I'm afraid I do have to ask you for proof of identification, sir.
41:14Owner's licence.
41:18Go see your licence too, sir.
41:22Oh, Mr Hazel.
41:26Feel free.
42:53I bet it's incredible the stuff you can get in there.
42:56Unbelievable.
42:58I believe you.
43:00Can we have it open then?
43:02Sure.
43:03I said, can we have it open?
43:06Have what open?
43:08All right, Sergeant.
43:16Get out, Hizzle.
43:18All right, Choccy.
43:19What's it all about, eh?
43:20Open the boot.
43:21Do what?
43:22The boot.
43:23I can't.
43:25Open the bloody boot.
43:26I can't.
43:27I don't know which key it is, do I?
43:29How does it?
43:30Richie.
43:31Sure.
43:31The boot.
43:35I warned you to keep out of this.
43:38You're up to here now.
43:41James Hazel, I'm arresting you for complicity in the murder of Richard Russell Connell, whose
43:47body has been found...
43:50All right, Richie lad.
43:51I know it's not a very pretty sight.
43:54You'll see a whole lot more of them before you finish with the force.
43:56A lot more of them, sir.
44:14If they'd mark this, there'd have been trouble.
44:17My sister's kid, his birthday, Saturday.
44:28There never was a body in the boot, was there?
44:31Are you asking me or telling me, Mr. Hazel?
44:34I'm telling you.
44:35Because I got you sussed in your briefs office before I collected the car.
44:39Is that a fact?
44:40That's a fact, sir.
44:41Because I said to myself, the man's far too casual.
44:44He's enjoying one of those jokes he never makes.
44:46You had Dickie Connell knocked off, yeah, but you never put his body into the boot.
44:50Oh, Cyril, will you, uh, be mother?
44:53All right, I'll go.
44:53What's more, that Bentley was never nicked, either.
44:55Except on your orders.
44:56Yes.
44:58Then he had the word put around that Dickie Connell's body was in the boot.
45:02A bit more lemon, Mr. Hazel.
45:04Lemon, Cyril.
45:07That's an interesting theory, Mr. Hazel.
45:09It's the truth.
45:11I'm what a law, and me, and Dougie Connell were running round in circles looking for your Bentley.
45:15Your lads were quietly disposing of the last remains of Dickie Connell elsewhere.
45:19Am I right?
45:22Shall we say that a certain deceased person was driven down to the coast late yesterday by a friend of
45:31mine?
45:31Tommy, backseat Bert.
45:34And then a funeral was arranged, let's see, on the tide this afternoon.
45:40Fade to complete, Mr. Hazel.
45:43Not entirely out of the woods yet, though, are you?
45:45What about the team that Dickie left behind?
45:49Dougie and these lads will tow the line now that Dickie's in a hammock and a thousand miles away.
45:53Didn't tow the line with me in the Britannia breakers yard, did they?
45:55The only towing was done in my ribs.
45:59I thought you got it all sussed out, Mr. Hazel.
46:02They were a couple of my lads that gave you a seat, too.
46:06I, uh, told them to give you a spank to create a small diversion.
46:13And no doubt it was also you, the tippy old bill, who had come to my assistance.
46:18Andrew told them I was going to collect a car from the compound.
46:21There's a couple of hundred quid in there.
46:25Cover any damage, a flat might have incurred.
46:29It wasn't your gorillas that done that as well, was it?
46:31They're good lads at heart, Mr. Hazel.
46:33It's just enthusiasm carries them away a bit.
46:37Take it.
46:46Shove it.
46:48I hired you to do a job.
46:51You did it.
46:52No.
46:53What you tried to do, Castle.
46:55Was make me an accessory to murder.
46:58Murder?
46:59Me?
47:01Not over my team, Mr. Hazel, if you please.
47:04Besides, uh, which if people start making accusations?
47:10They'd better get themselves some proof.
47:13Habias corpus, I always say.
47:16They'll have you.
47:17Lose yourself.
47:18And when they do, I'm going to be there.
47:20Pulling in with all the assistance I can give.
47:22I said lose yourself.
47:24Per gratis.
47:25Just for the sheer joy of seeing you detained at her majesty's pleasure.
47:28Just going.
47:30Got a motor of me home to collect, as it happens.
47:36You know, not many people got the bottle to tell Big Dave Castle where to put it, eh?
47:40Jim Jim?
47:41Ah, the old Bill will have him.
47:43They always do.
47:44Likes of him.
47:45Soon or later.
47:46So, Jim Jim, put it down to experience, eh?
47:49As the rabbit said to the porcupine.
47:51Ah.
47:52Is that for me?
47:54Eh?
47:55Oh, yeah, yeah.
47:56Sirloin, Jim Jim.
47:57No rubbish.
47:58How much?
47:59Fiver.
48:00Oh, tell.
48:02You're the kind of bloke who not only gets it for your retail, but sells it to you over
48:05and above the retail price.
48:08You get your money from the number two account, all right?
48:10Fair enough, Jim Jim.
48:14Medium or rare should melt like butter in your mouth.
48:17I mean, you've got enough there to last you a week.
48:18Well, if I've got any left over, I'll stick it on me eye.
48:21All right?
48:22Number 52 bus is what you want.
48:24Yeah, well, I feel like I walk anyway.
48:30Mmm, that looks smashing.
48:31Yeah.
48:33If I turn up, you're giving me a bell yesterday after the verbal you gave me.
48:37Nah.
48:38Well, I figured I'd urge you an apology, see, Pat, sir?
48:41Me?
48:42What for?
48:43Oh, well, just something that I'd put down to you that was entirely down to someone
48:48else.
48:49How's Des?
48:51How's, uh, domestic bliss?
48:52Oh, we patched it up.
48:54I said I was sorry I crowned him with a bedside lamp and he apologised to me for the right
48:57hook.
48:58Hey, good.
48:59I'm glad.
49:02Now, what'd you, uh, tell him you were doing tonight?
49:05Told him I was visiting a sick friend and I couldn't get home because the last train goes
49:08at half ten.
49:09Good girl.
49:10Only you wouldn't stand for it.
49:12Sorry, love, but I've got to get back to Des by Tenny and murder me else.
49:17Oh, well.
49:18Say the goer.
49:24Bang up.
49:33Are you all right?
49:35Huh?
49:36Yeah, terrific, love.
49:37Why?
49:38You seem a bit preoccupied.
49:40Well, I was just, I was just wondering, how you get someone my size into the boot of a
49:45Mini?
49:46Get a body in the boot of a Mini?
49:48You couldn't.
49:49That's what I thought.
49:50Of course you couldn't.
49:50Not unless you chopped it up into little pieces first.
49:56Well, what's up?
49:58Well, you know how it is when you suddenly lose your appetite.
50:02All your fancy is a nice little cheese salad.
50:04Oh, stop worrying and think of the protein.
50:06I am, darling.
50:08Believe me, I am.
50:09Born, born, born morning, woke up where the ceiling fell.
50:17Born, born morning, woke up where the ceiling fell.
50:24You learned everything you know in six days.
50:28On the seventh day, you knew it very well.
50:32You trusted pretty women, a pretty woman, edgy, tight and bad.
50:40You trusted in the bottle, but in the end that bottle got you down.
50:48You've tried everything that's going, but leave it all to faith this time around.
50:55You've been down so long, it looks like a pain that a shame.
51:10You know your life might change tomorrow, and then again it might stay just about the same.
51:25You know your life might change tomorrow, but you know your life might change tomorrow,
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