- 7 hours ago
First broadcast 19th April .
A divorce case turns messy when Hazell is invited to help out a private investigator, Neville Fitch.
Nicholas Ball - James Hazell
Desmond McNamara - Cousin Tel
Peter Bourke - Graham Morris
Clive Swift - Neville Fitch
Ken Hutchison - Michael McGeegan
Lorna Heilbron - Anne McGeegan
Jill Melford - Mrs. Pargiter
Vivienne Burgess - Miss Frobisher
Dawn Rodrigues - Margo
Michael Forrest - Joe Goss
Peter Godfrey - Photographer
David Neville - Aubrey Buscombe
Peter Guinness - Mr. Downes
Alan Chuntz - Heavy
David Webb - Heavy
A divorce case turns messy when Hazell is invited to help out a private investigator, Neville Fitch.
Nicholas Ball - James Hazell
Desmond McNamara - Cousin Tel
Peter Bourke - Graham Morris
Clive Swift - Neville Fitch
Ken Hutchison - Michael McGeegan
Lorna Heilbron - Anne McGeegan
Jill Melford - Mrs. Pargiter
Vivienne Burgess - Miss Frobisher
Dawn Rodrigues - Margo
Michael Forrest - Joe Goss
Peter Godfrey - Photographer
David Neville - Aubrey Buscombe
Peter Guinness - Mr. Downes
Alan Chuntz - Heavy
David Webb - Heavy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00.
00:45Thanks to my brilliant efforts, Mrs. Pageter had been a free woman for one hour, 57 minutes.
00:52How could she properly express her gratitude, she kept saying.
00:55Crossed my palm with 250 quid, I could have snarled.
00:58But Mrs. Pageter wasn't used to our brutal big city ways.
01:02As it happened, she had some brutal ideas of her own, in a quiet sort of way.
01:10You have just freed me from prison, Mr. Hazel.
01:14Maybe that's the answer to crime, Mrs. Pageter, seven years' hard marriage.
01:18Ah, but I'm not Mrs. Pageter now, am I?
01:22Mr. Hazel, what can I say?
01:25I suppose paying the bill would be out of the question.
01:34With thanks.
01:38Mrs. Pageter.
01:40Cynthia.
01:41Cynthia.
01:42Um, you couldn't cross out Wilmington's security agency and, uh, put the cash, could you?
01:49Is that all?
02:00I'll take you to Paddington.
02:01Uh, my train doesn't leave until midnight, Mr. Hazel.
02:07Uh-huh.
02:08James.
02:09James.
02:11Well, I can't celebrate on my own, can I?
02:14And as I don't turn into a country bumpkin until midnight, I think I ought to have something to tell
02:19them here to slip.
02:21Well, I'm sure you know all those amazing discotheques with pop stars and models.
02:26Well, I'm, uh, more your pint of bitter and a packet of nuts, ma'am, myself.
02:29Well, my first night of freedom.
02:32I've heard so much about what's going on in London now.
02:35There was a swift moment when I detested the lady for not having her gratitude to get her powerful fingers
02:39off the damn check.
02:42But, as she'd just helped me screw Doc Wilmington out of the agency's 15% commission, I picked the Nightingale
02:50Club.
02:51I've been there once.
02:52One-time actresses, ex-footballers, slip-disc jockeys.
02:56They're not quite celebrity set.
02:58But you didn't need a building society mortgage to buy a drink.
03:02Give us something to tell them down on the farm, I thought.
03:05Joseph, me old darlin'.
03:07I feel an attack of singing coming on.
03:09Yeah, well, you spend, Michael. You can do animal impersonations.
03:14Yes, sir, madam. Can I help you?
03:16Yeah, good evening to you. I'll, uh, just sign my friend in, okay?
03:18Are you a member, sir?
03:20Now, where's old Charlie? He knows me well enough.
03:22I'm sorry, sir. There's no Charlie here now.
03:25Yeah, yeah. Better place without him, I expect.
03:27Back again so soon, Sir Ronald. We're flattered.
03:30Oh, well, uh, why don't you find the track to the waterhole?
03:34Excuse me, uh, Sir Ronald? James Hazel? With Doc Wilmington?
03:38Oh, Hazel, yes. How are you, my boy? They're keeping you busy.
03:41Nice and crumble. I, uh, got a client I'm suffering to get in.
03:44Sir Ronald.
03:46Uh, Goss, uh, he's a personal friend.
03:49Give him a membership card.
04:06Have you, uh, got any readies?
04:12Thank you very much, indeed.
04:13Okay, I'm dancing now to a nice, slow switch of a little song.
04:16This is legal song for...
04:18...to keep a change.
04:22I just can't believe that I'm free.
04:25There is nothing in the world that I can't do if the mood takes me.
04:30Well, uh, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
04:32That's why you're here, James.
04:35You know the man who got us in, he's heading towards us.
04:38Is he an actor or something?
04:39Well, James, can't be of some help.
04:42Cynthia was just asking if you were an actor, Sir Ronald.
04:46Well, my work does require me to play a good many parts.
04:49Mmm.
04:51Top man at the snooping game, Mr. Neville Fritch.
04:53More faces in Big Ben.
04:56Another private investigator.
04:59I think I made the right choice, don't you, James?
05:02You certainly did, Cynthia.
05:04Oh, yes, James is, uh, quite a promising apprentice in our murky little profession.
05:09Mr. Fritch is strictly big time.
05:11Now you see him, most often you don't.
05:13In fact, Doc Wilmington was saying only the other day,
05:15whatever happened to Neville Ionee work for the rich Fritch and the 200 he owes him?
05:20Um, been in Doc.
05:21Sparrowed trouble with the old pub.
05:22Um, just another little hurdle in life's fascinating obstacle race.
05:26Sir, you're still working for that lesbian bitch.
05:28That's a pity.
05:30Miss Wilmington.
05:31Gentleman never tells.
05:33As a matter of fact, I've kicked my relationship with Dot into touch, as it happens.
05:37But what's, uh, all this Sir Ronald crap, anyway?
05:41It's a routine job.
05:42It's not something I'd normally do myself,
05:44but my two operatives are down with flu.
05:46Now give me a tinkle in the morning.
05:48Might be able to offer you a couple of days' work.
05:51Yes, it's, uh, with the ability to melt into a diversity of backgrounds.
05:56In my time, I've passed off successfully as everything from priest to plumber.
06:01You've been asking questions about me.
06:03Uh, I don't think so.
06:04Who the hell are you?
06:06Well, as you ask, my name's Sir Ronald Cavalier.
06:08Sir Ronald, my backside, you're from Fleet Street, you're the bloody gossip column tout.
06:14Well, my dear fellow, you're making a terrible mistake.
06:16My dear fellow, I do hate a lion.
06:20Come on, come on!
06:22What aren't you going to do something about?
06:24Get him away!
06:25Get him away!
06:25Wait for the second show?
06:28My train goes at midnight.
06:35Hang on, you've got this card.
06:38Are you going to work for him?
06:40Well, it won't be the same.
06:44Thank you for getting me to my train on time, one hour early.
06:52What are you going to tell him down in it, isn't it?
07:09It was strictly in character for Neville Fitch, friend of the rich, to have his office not quite in Baker
07:14Street.
07:15He was not quite bent enough to be a real shark, and not quite flashy enough to be in Sherlock's
07:19old gaff.
07:21And I'd always found him not quite the meanest bastard in London.
07:25He had crumbs like me by the half dozen, and he was at his most devastatingly ruthlessly brilliant when it
07:30came to not paying him.
07:31On the other hand, what with breaking with Doc Wilmington, and using Mrs. Plaget as contribution to settle a few
07:38pressing items, I was not quite rich enough to be fussy.
07:55Mr. Neville Fitch.
08:10Who is it?
08:12James Eisner.
08:19Entrada!
08:21Shift those files if the floor isn't full up.
08:25Not bad.
08:26They're almost in Baker Street.
08:28Um, Dr. Watson, I presume.
08:30Hey, oh, it's Graham Morris.
08:32He's sub-lets.
08:33He's an artist.
08:34Well, thanks for coming to help me out on this one.
08:37Oh, did I say I'd help?
08:38Money for old rope, my boy.
08:40Yeah, it's a bit hard on the eyes, though, isn't it?
08:43You used to have, uh, four or five regular blokes working for you.
08:46Oh, the golden days of divorce.
08:49Brighton hotel routine.
08:50All the meaty dirt in the newspapers in exchange for free advertising.
08:53Now, it's easier to get a decree that a dog license.
08:56Still, I was quite enjoying your return to jolly old legwork.
09:00All right, let's cut the memory lane crap, shall we?
09:03Right.
09:04Well, as you probably guessed, my target was that big Irish product of country Cro-Magnon.
09:10His wife thinks he's keeping a mistress.
09:13She is a very smart lady.
09:14She married a good right hook.
09:16She's the McGeegan woman who runs the agencies.
09:19The multi-man millionaire-ess, they call her.
09:21And there's a hell of a lot of money in her line these days.
09:24But it's an awesome sight, isn't it, eh?
09:26The female capitalists.
09:29She married Mr. McGoon Young.
09:31She doesn't mind him playing Champagne Charlie with the money.
09:34But she draws the line and subsidizes some flusely painted toenails.
09:38I'm blown...
09:39Excuse me.
09:44I'm blown now, so he's all yours.
09:47He's Michael McGeegan, 2 Car Street, West 8.
09:50Mind you, he's not one of your thick mix.
09:51He's a former guardsman, former painter, decorator.
09:53Are you playing danger, Monty?
09:55Set man Fenby again.
09:56I'm in the south of France again.
10:00Mr. Fitch, I do have work of my own, you know.
10:04Thank you, Grant.
10:10Yes, he sometimes answers the phone for me.
10:14Well, the night time is McGeegan's time for just going missing.
10:17And he's got a fairly regular pattern.
10:20For a double-tailed team, I'll go to 20 a day each.
10:23Uh-uh.
10:2430.
10:25And X's.
10:26Um, 25.
10:29OK.
10:3160 up front.
10:3250.
10:34I know a good chap to pair with you.
10:36Uh-uh.
10:37This could be rough.
10:38I need somebody a bit special.
10:42Score a day?
10:44A lot easier than a metal game, Jim Jim.
10:4720 quid a day?
10:48I think I'll come in with you full-time.
10:54Save again, John.
10:57Tell him, tell him, we're not on a bleeding vino.
10:59You said it, money, we're all wrong.
11:01I didn't say it, Fitch said it.
11:03He got claims.
11:04They've only got a bottle for it, so you made it.
11:06You mix.
11:07Pound for pound, he's the deadliest fighting machine in London.
11:10The Rocky Marciano and the Gillicuddy Reefs.
11:14OK, I know, and this is the moment that you've all been waiting for.
11:18I am returning by popular demand.
11:26I am actually studying to sing the grand opera at the Covent Garden.
11:34And I am one of the grandest singers you've ever heard.
11:36Right fingers, come on.
11:37Get your ready.
11:38One, two, one, two, three.
11:41The pale moon was rising above the green mountain.
11:52On top of everything else, he's a Don Juan of Dublin.
11:55It Warren Beatty, a Ballyawful town.
11:57Beatty.
11:58Do you know what?
11:59Beatty pronounces it Beatty.
12:01Beatty pronounces it Beatty.
12:02I'll take a fiver off you, but you're not getting paid enough.
12:05You're on.
12:06A pure crystal fountain
12:10That stands in the beautiful veil
12:16Of Trelly, all right, finger it
12:19She was lovely and fair
12:23Like the rose of a song
12:27Oh, no, at all
12:29It was not her beauty
12:31Alone that won me
12:36Oh, no
12:40It was the truth
12:43In our eyes
12:46Ever darling
12:47That made me
12:50Love Mary
12:53All together
12:56Star
12:56The rose
13:00Of
13:02Trolley
13:04Oh, you're hard to
13:11Get rid of them
13:12Go, man, go
13:15Don't you
13:20She could get a divorce for Crotty
13:23If she was musical
13:25Do you want a thing
13:27You want to do
13:29Blow your baby
13:31Lay off of them
13:32Shoes
13:33Oh, don't you
13:34Don't step on my
13:36Blue tree tool
13:42Good to go
13:56Is that it?
13:58Money for old rope
14:00Of course you do a lot of hanging around
14:04Sometimes
14:05You get bronchitis
14:08Yeah, you think up stupid games
14:10Stop yourself from going bananas
14:13Like baby
14:14Ah, baby
14:23It didn't take long to suss out Michael McGeegan's pattern
14:27If he had a mistress with painted toenails
14:30The only thing he was keeping her in
14:31Was suspense
14:39The amount he drinks
14:40He'd be struggling to get his leg across a kitchen chair
14:47Bye
14:48Bye
14:48Big wheel keeps on turning
14:52Brown Mary keeps on burning
14:55Rolling
14:56Rolling
14:58Rolling on a river
15:00Rolling
15:02Rolling
15:04Rolling on a river
15:08rivers
15:12Oh, loveяться
15:15جوان
15:18Thank you very
15:19much Thank you very
15:20much. Let us see
15:20you all Stay on the
15:21floor For earlier For
15:22the alarm
15:22For didn't
15:22work This one Creeper's
15:23clear-
15:24apartment It's, Hong Kong Bad
15:24Moon Rising
15:28Oh, you're not conspicuous, not speaking shameless.
15:30I'll injure me Sexton Blake under and one disguises, kid.
15:33Uh-oh.
15:34Come here, darling.
15:36Don't I know you, brother?
15:38I don't think so, Paddy.
15:39I've never been across the sea to Galway Bay.
15:42Hey, whoever thought I'd make ink this, Paddy?
15:44I was only saying, I mean, never mind your Val Doonikens.
15:47I can see that you are a music lover.
15:50Who's Shirley Temple?
15:51Oh, he's OK.
15:53He's with me.
15:54Oh, cheers.
15:55Uh, you're a bit of a pugilist.
15:57Uh, waked the geezer the other night.
16:00Tone deaf, was he?
16:01He's a snooper from the newspaper.
16:04Famous, are you, Paddy?
16:07Michael McGeaghan.
16:09Me wife turned out to be a millionaire-ess,
16:12and I have turned out to be the kind of man
16:14that me mother has always warned me against.
16:16Who the hell are you?
16:17Me, Terence, him, Jim.
16:19We're, uh, thinking of going into a reckoning business, Michael.
16:24What a kind of reckoning.
16:25Flat ones with holes in the middle.
16:29So, you're Mrs. Is that Mrs. McGeaghan, eh?
16:32I've heard about her.
16:34Let's you out on a long road, doesn't she?
16:37Oh, she knows me.
16:40Bit of a sing-song, bit of a giggle, but there's no hanky-panky.
16:44Yeah, well, uh, a lot of wives will find it hard to believe, I expect.
16:51You're all right, Terence, me old darling.
16:54Any friend of Terence's can't be a bad fella.
16:57Surely.
16:59I feel a song coming on Terence.
17:01Let it out, Michael.
17:02Let it out.
17:03Ah, you're a bad moon rising.
17:09I know a better place.
17:11We're taking you home.
17:13Home.
17:17My home is in another land.
17:23To where your heart has ever been.
17:29Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
17:34Just imagine that.
17:36She asked me to go.
17:38What did I do for pretty sight?
17:43Hot coffee from a proper coffee puffer guy.
17:51I never go home until midnight.
17:57You come from Donegal, brother.
18:04I can't wait to meet a millionaireess who's married to him.
18:14Sorry, missus, he, uh, he didn't tell us you got company.
18:18Uh, we'll take him up to bed if you tell us where it...
18:22Well, well, well, if it isn't Aubrey Boscombe,
18:29the rich man's Lord Goodman.
18:32What, uh, legal shenanigans that you're conjuring up now?
18:36Aubreyka, daubreyka.
18:39Oh, give us a drink.
18:41Look, the bastard might have wrapped it up anyway, missus.
18:45Come on, Michael.
18:46They're going now.
18:48Psst.
18:52I would lay all of your guests to meet all of my guests.
19:03I thought she would have murdered us.
19:05Ah, little things like that don't bother the average millionaireess.
19:08Why don't you tell her who we were?
19:10Have a swift butcher's through that,
19:12see if we can find anything that looks like a mistress.
19:14You sneaky rascal. You picked his pockets.
19:17Oh, bumped into my melodies while I was searching for his keys.
19:21If you fancy this detecting lot,
19:23keeping the odd secret from the clients one way,
19:25making sure you get paid.
19:28There's a Miss L. Frobisher here, made of ale.
19:33Sounds like a love nest.
19:35Hello.
19:36I would have.
19:38Sneaky?
19:40You ain't seen nothing yet.
19:42A lady, a lady, a lady, a lady...
19:53A lady, a lady, a lady...
19:58A lady, a lady...
20:04A lady, a lady...
20:09Mr. Fitch isn't in yet uh Mr. Morris isn't it? James Hazel. I'd come back in half an hour if
20:17I
20:17were you. I've got a better idea Mr. Morris. It's all right. I'll say I climbed in the window.
20:32Thank you Mr. Morris. A cup of tea. I'd go down a treat Mr. Morris. Two sugars. You're making me
20:49nervous Mr. Morris.
21:00Hello. Uh it's Michael McGaig and I was wanting. Uh no well you see now he gave me this number
21:08last
21:08night. Well I'm his cousin. Um his wife does not like me you see. Now what time would that be
21:20Miss
21:20Frobisher? Uh no you see I've um I've something to give them before they depart me. Three o'clock.
21:29Miss Frobisher that's very decent of you. Thank you.
21:35Her name is Letitia and she's got a voice that puts a tingle into places other beers can't reach.
21:41McGeegan? Mary Maid from Maida Vale. You uh owe me for two days. Yes well you know the
21:50drill. Just enough to prove he's at it regularly. I see two days at 50 a day plus 20 for
21:56drinks and
21:57mileage. It's bad manners to leave in the middle of a conversation. You get on with it my boy. I've
22:01got to be with Mrs. McGeegan in 20 minutes. Now listen Fitch.
22:07Are you serious? Payment by results? 1500 for conclusive proof of adultery. It's a knockdown cert.
22:13You pay me by the day right? Plus a bonus. Don't worry my boy. You uh you wouldn't be broke
22:19would
22:19you? Well I have been here as you know but things have moved. James I've just had a semi-brilliant
22:24idea. You don't want to work on daily handouts. You've split with Dot Wilmington so why not you
22:29and me? A partnership with my organisational fair. And my good looks? You should take this seriously.
22:37Here. I thought you said he was at his gentleman's gymnasium. Who? The wild colonial husband. Oh
22:43McGeegan. Well look uh maybe there's a back way out there. Sorry. It's the postman. Oh for god's
22:50sake James. Your friend James has quite a sense of humour it seems. My dear Mr. McGeegan let me tell
22:57you
22:57some good news. Oh yes my operative James Hazel. We've met. Why didn't you say so the other night?
23:03Well there uh seem to be a lot of people about. Michael's all right is he? He didn't suspect did
23:08he? Oh we're old hands at this game Mr. McGeegan. I'm glad to say that following my instructions
23:13James has come into possession of your husband's diary. Is that the good news? Well it does give us
23:18something concrete to go on. However Mrs. McGeegan your husband has been under constant surveillance
23:24for four days now and we are incurring rather heavy expenses. You really do have a lead. If you can
23:28call that good news. Nobody likes doing what I'm having to do believe me. I uh I appreciate
23:34that Mrs. McGeegan. It's just that payment by results well a cynic might see that as a temptation
23:38to invent another woman if you know what I mean. James hasn't always worked at this level
23:43Mrs. McGeegan. I'm you'll find everything itemized. In the politest possible way what you're trying to
23:49tell me is you'd like an advance before you follow it up. Well my dear lady it's not a question
23:53of trust.
23:54I don't mind. I didn't mean good news in that sense. I've been going through agonies over this.
24:03I'll get my checkbook.
24:09Oh I'm so sorry. Invent another woman.
24:14I hate to think what levels you have been working at Mr. Hazel.
24:20James would you let me handle it? So you'll uh have some readies for me right?
24:24When you bring back the evidence and I'll keep that diary.
24:27My dear Fitch it's uh not a question of trust.
24:30Mine Michael doesn't catch you.
24:38It's uh...
24:46No. Nobody likes doing this sort of thing. As the poor millionaires said.
24:51On the other end for a slice of 1500 sheets I dare say it's nicer work than digging holes in
24:57the road.
24:58Then I heard that voice again.
25:01Didn't I show you where to put your tongue?
25:03Uh, yes.
25:05Tongue, lips and teeth. Try again. Hot coffee from a proper copper coffee pot.
25:11Uh, hot coffee from a...
25:14Don't mumble. I knew at a glance that I wanted to dance to the prancing and monster from Munster.
25:20I knew at a glance. Yes what is it Celia?
25:24Excuse me Miss Frobisher. There's a gentleman outside to see you.
25:27Oh very well. Stay here and help Mr. Downs.
25:36It's extremely unlikely that I can fit in another pupil.
25:40However...
25:41Miss Letitia Frobisher.
25:43Letitia.
25:44My fees are high so I only take those with aptitude.
25:47Please say quickly after me. Hot coffee from a proper copper coffee pot.
25:52Uh, is there another Miss Frobisher?
25:54If I say so myself, I am unique.
25:58Yes, yes, I'm sure you are.
25:59Come along, don't mumble. Articulate young man. Articulate.
26:05No, no, you see, uh, I'm the one to telephone. Michael McGagan's cousin.
26:09Ah, I did say three o'clock.
26:12Ah, yeah, well you see, I'm leaving town early.
26:15Ah, Michael's learning to speak the English, is he?
26:19How long has he been a debt keeper?
26:20I've... I've hardly come to grips with his glottal stop.
26:26Tongue, lips and teeth, Mr. Downs.
26:32You had something to give, Mr. McGeegan. I'm very busy.
26:36Ah, yes, of course. He dropped this last night.
26:39I take it round to his house, but his wife thinks I'm a bad influence on him.
26:44She's a millionaireess, you know.
26:47Do you think she's made him ashamed of his native tongue?
26:50Your tongue is wandering, Mr. Downs.
26:53Uh, I do not pry into my pupils' private lives.
26:59Oh, yes, of course.
27:01We'll, uh, I'll be after going then.
27:06I taught speech for 30 years, but I cannot place your accent.
27:11What part of Ireland are you from?
27:14South of the border. Down Mexico way.
27:19Miss Frobisher is artistic, attractive,
27:22a voice that would bring a bishop out on a blind date.
27:25Most alluring.
27:26And she won't see 60 again.
27:2960?
27:30She's teaching him elocution.
27:33Poor Irish loony isn't keeping another woman,
27:35he's trying to keep the one he's got.
27:37That's a pity.
27:38Pity? It's the saddest bloody thing I've heard in years.
27:40There's got to be another woman.
27:42Yeah, well, look, that's your problem, Fitch. Now, uh, you owe me.
27:44I can't cash a cheque till the bank's open in the morning.
27:47James, what do we need for adultery?
27:50One night's enough, one slip from grace,
27:52and many a good man's been squeezed dry by a vengeful wife.
27:58James, the amount he drinks,
28:00he doesn't remember half of what happens.
28:02I suppose we find a nice bit of scourge.
28:03Uh-uh.
28:04The marriage is washed up anyway.
28:06We'd seem to be giving temptation a helping hand.
28:08Are we in the trade call faking the evidence, dear?
28:10Oh, dear, Fitch.
28:11Oh, James, I...
28:12It's Wednesday.
28:13Yes, could you make it Wednesday morning next time?
28:17Illustrating a book requires intense concentration.
28:21Meaning what?
28:22Meaning I didn't realise I'd be on the phone all day
28:25telling lies to people.
28:27Well, that's why you're only paying ten pounds a week, mate!
28:30Oh, it's artistic, John. It's so highly strung.
28:33First she said that she suspected another woman.
28:35Now you want to invent one.
28:36I mean, I know you're pushed for money.
28:37She wanted him lost full stop.
28:38Well, she can walk out on him, then.
28:40And leave him in possession of an £85,000 house.
28:42Do you think she got her money by being impetuous?
28:44Just leave me...
28:45If she wants rid of him for £1,500,
28:46I will help her every way I can.
28:48And while we're on the subject of ethics,
28:50you must tell me somehow how to get away with murder.
28:52Oh, I heard all about you and O'Rourke.
28:55Very cute.
28:56You set him up, you drop him with one perfectly aimed fluke shot,
28:59and then you get away with self-defence.
29:01You tell me more about ethics.
29:03Two days, plus expenses.
29:04We have a verbal contract.
29:06If you don't finish the job, it's null and void.
29:07I could even ask for the £50 back, so we'll stick with it, right?
29:09Now, sit down.
29:17And have a drink.
29:20Oh, he's bound to fall sooner or later.
29:22Stiff of perfume, rustle of nylon thighs...
29:26Common sense and logic said swallowing.
29:28But when a guy owes you that much money,
29:30he's got you by the things that they knock about at Wimbledon.
29:33So, for the sake of another day's pay,
29:36I decided I could stand one more night of pulsating glamour.
29:41Sexton Blake had beaten me to it.
29:44Had your kip, have you?
29:46No, no, don't apologise.
29:48Tell the truth, nothing to this availing sin like,
29:50if you've got the neck.
29:56Yeah, well, I think this cork's for the vintage.
30:00Two beers.
30:03That's what doctors recommend, don't they?
30:05I mean, shambles.
30:06Why do you think the upper class gets so much of it across them?
30:08It's clean, know what I mean?
30:10Try and do a diamond Jim Brady on that.
30:12But, Jax, you owe me five for Warren Bleeding Baby.
30:17You saw me home, I believe.
30:21Very sporting of you, Mike, me old lovely.
30:23Who's your friend?
30:25She admires me voice.
30:29Look, when I went home the other night,
30:31was there anybody that you saw that might have been following me?
30:35Following?
30:36You were sitting with that snooper that I melted the other night.
30:40Oh, yeah, um, Sir Ronald something, wasn't it?
30:44Sir Ronald, my foot!
30:48That bloody gossip column tout,
30:50I should have danced all over his conniving Anglo-Saxon face.
30:54My name's Murphy.
31:00You look like long coffee.
31:03Ah, to hell with it.
31:05Drink up and fall down.
31:10Bleeding moment, call forever.
31:13Uh, no obligation, of course.
31:14Why don't we group ourselves for a happy little souvenir?
31:18How am I?
31:19Uh, call that one, um, introductory offer.
31:29It's bad enough living it without having reminders.
31:35Ah, would you excuse us, darling?
31:38I have business with these gentlemen.
31:46The whole world is populated by rats dressed up for a carnival.
31:55How are you, tenants, me old darling?
31:57I see you've still got, uh, Shirley Temple in tow.
32:01Yeah, he's not a bare bloke, mate.
32:03When you get to know him.
32:05I'll be back.
32:15Elocution!
32:17Well, maybe he thinks he isn't good enough for you.
32:19He wasn't good enough for me nine years ago,
32:21but it didn't seem to matter then.
32:23Coffee?
32:24No, thank you.
32:25Singing lessons, coin collecting, hang gliding.
32:29He's a delayed adolescent.
32:31He takes up temporary enthusiasms.
32:34Nine years isn't usually considered temporary.
32:36Oh, dear.
32:38Yes, I forgot.
32:39You're practically one of his drinking buddies now, aren't you?
32:42Yes, I admit it.
32:44He can chuck a lot of charm around.
32:48But a bit of a lumber in the high-level social stakes, I expect.
32:52Mr Hazel, have you ever shared a bed with a 15-stone Irishman,
32:56stinking of booze and tobacco,
32:57and trying to maul you in between snores?
33:00Not today, but mind you, it is only half past ten.
33:03I've had to battle against the Freemasonry of your masculine world
33:06long enough to know the signs.
33:08Look, what I'm trying to tell you is...
33:11That's my secretary.
33:13Oh, you're quite safe. Michael's gone to a car auction in Surrey.
33:18Look, Mr Hazel.
33:20I married Michael when I was 20.
33:22I wasn't a snob then, and I'm not a snob now.
33:26We started this smarty man agency together.
33:28He found the men and drove them to the sites,
33:30and I handled the business side.
33:32It was hard work, but we knew where we were going.
33:36Or at least I thought we did.
33:39As soon as we started to make money,
33:40Michael decided to become the playboy of the West End,
33:43leaving me to run the whole business, for which, I might add,
33:46I sacrifice such minor considerations as children.
33:49Some career women manage to have children?
33:52Not if they're building up a million-pound business, they don't.
33:55So leave him, or are you scared you might have to pay him alimony?
33:57Look, this is my house. I paid for it.
34:01I have my office downstairs, and I've done nothing wrong.
34:03I've asked him to go. God knows I'd pay him enough.
34:06Look, I'm not accusing you of anything, Mrs McGeegan.
34:09I mean, I'm trying to warn you. Last night, Fitch, very likely...
34:14What about last night, you dirty snooping bastard?
34:18Look, Michael, this has got nothing to do with you...
34:20This has got everything to do with me.
34:23Now I'm gonna show you what happened to the snakes in Ireland.
34:45It was you that went to Miss Robertson with my diary.
34:49Now I'm gonna give you something for your newspaper.
34:51For God's sake, Michael, this isn't Camden Tower.
34:54Get back into the house, woman!
34:56And you wondered why I wanted to get rid of him.
35:02Look, mate, I mean, why don't we just...
35:03Why don't you clench your teeth, will you?
35:06Oh, damn, Guxley!
35:07Look, I am not a reporter!
35:09Shut up, Shirley!
35:11It's all a bit complicated.
35:12Bloody fractures are gonna be com...
35:15Look, I'm not the one you want to fight.
35:18You'll do for now.
35:21Now behave yourself.
35:22Oh, Shirley!
35:26I am not from the newspapers!
35:29Argh!
35:29Argh!
35:52Oh, Shirley.
35:56That's it, Michael.
35:57It's over.
35:58Now get out of my house.
35:59Do you understand?
36:00Get out!
36:01Get out!
36:07Can't we throw in the towel?
36:10I don't bloody well believe you.
36:13Look, she hired Fitch.
36:15Sir Ronald, the one you hung one on, and he hired me.
36:171500 to find you a mistress.
36:23Who knows I haven't got a bloody mistress?
36:27Yeah.
36:28Well, I think I know the answer to that one.
36:30Is there a telephone here?
36:32Yeah.
36:33All marriages go through shaky spells.
36:36Shaky spells?
36:38I have the odd night out, but I've never looked at another woman.
36:43Soon as they've pressed my trousers, I'm bloody well going back.
36:47Yeah, well, she's probably changed the locks by now.
36:52Oh, why?
36:53Why?
36:58Because she changed and you didn't.
37:01I mean, own up, mate.
37:02A million pounds is a lot of pin money.
37:03And I'm proud of her for it.
37:06Oh, Jesus.
37:08When we first started, it was great.
37:12I hustled around.
37:13I found the skilled men and she found the business.
37:16I drove them here and there and sorted out the lazy buggers and the thieving rascals.
37:2215 hours a day, but it was great.
37:29Now we're making a fortune, she's turned into a machine.
37:35Business lunches, business dinners, takeovers, amalgamations and big deals.
37:45Yeah, well, maybe it is just a shaky spell.
37:49But for 1500, Fitch will stitch you up quicker than Dr. Bob.
37:54I mean, that business last night, put a photographer.
37:58Look, are you sure that that was a put-up job?
38:02Where's the phone, did you say?
38:09Why are you helping me all of a sudden?
38:12Because I don't want to be up the old Bailey on a conspiracy to fake evidence charge.
38:16From now on, where you go, I go.
38:19No charge.
38:27Let a photographer get in here.
38:30He sure would.
38:31Been hustling you as well, has he?
38:33I've barred him.
38:34Do you know where I can find him?
38:36I wouldn't hire him for a wedding.
38:39Unless the bride's in kinky leather.
38:40Look, Joseph, there was a bloody woman in here with that long black hair the other night.
38:46Michael, we are not responsible for their morals.
38:50Mr. McGeegan's had a trying day.
38:59God, you know things are bad when it tastes like castor oil.
39:06All the hell with this.
39:07I'm going to have it out with that.
39:08Look, just play hard to get for a change, eh?
39:10Sexton Blake won my life.
39:14What did I tell you, Annie?
39:16Fitch showed it at his office.
39:17In and out like a fiddler's elbow, but you can't shake off a shadow, can you?
39:20You make me feel like hanging L plates.
39:22Mr. McGeegan, phone.
39:30I guess who's only met in this boozer up the Edgware Road?
39:34Not Gerald T. Isherwood, photographic artiste.
39:37What's the point of me wasting time?
39:39Wasting time?
39:40We haven't been paid yet, right?
39:42Fitch ain't going to let 1,500 go by without a struggle.
39:45He's going to pull another stroke, right?
39:47And we're going to be there, right?
39:51Guess who's going to dinner?
39:53Oh, ye of little faith with a shillelagh over me shoulder.
39:56Shoulders, no one can be bothered.
39:58Bad news, was it?
40:00I told you, I told you.
40:02A shaky spell.
40:03Jack.
40:04We're your Anglo-Saxon Dumbo's, Michael.
40:06What are you talking about?
40:07Listen, Anne is only having dinner at the Clang Row Hotel,
40:11and she only is trying to sell the business, and she wants me to be there.
40:16Well, don't get too excited.
40:17I mean, you're a joint owner.
40:18She's going to need your agreement to sell, right?
40:20I mean, if it was only business, then she'd do it through her lawyers.
40:23Do you think you made it up?
40:24Well, I'll drink to that.
40:25Well, I'll drink to that, Jack.
40:27Keep the trains, will you?
40:31Do you know something?
40:32My father only earned 13 pounds a week, but he was a happy man.
40:38What do you think of me now?
40:41Highfaluton secretaries giving me formal invitations to meet me own wife
40:46in a highfaluton London swanky hotel.
40:49Do you know something?
40:50If my mother had only raised her voice, he'd have taken his belt to her.
40:54Oh, never mind.
40:57I hate to sound like a wet blanket, Michael,
40:59but shouldn't you have saved her celebrating until you wear it from her?
41:02Didn't the girl use the very words, uh, Mrs. McGeegan's compliments,
41:06and would Mr. McGeegan accept her sincere, repeat sincere apologies?
41:13Look, I'm going to make myself pretty for me wife.
41:16Now, don't go away, because I'm going to look after you fellas.
41:32Let me handle fish.
41:35Could be we get paid twice, eh?
41:39What's up?
41:43Mrs. McGeegan, please.
41:46James Hazel.
41:49Crown Royal, he said, didn't he?
41:50What?
41:51Hotel.
41:52Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:54Sorry to bother you, Mrs. McGeegan.
41:57Well, just a case of double pneumonia.
42:00What's a sociable soaking between friends?
42:03Uh, no, well, Michael knows who I am now, so...
42:07Look, it's just that, uh, I might have something for you.
42:11Will you be in later tonight?
42:14I just might call you then.
42:16Cheers.
42:18Liz, yeah?
42:19Do what?
42:19Get him late.
42:20Let's run out of petrol.
42:21Hey, listen.
42:22You people think we're stupid or something.
42:24Somebody just told me an Irish joke.
42:26I mean, it's about this guy that, uh...
42:28Joel's going to give you a lift, Michael.
42:30I'll see you later, eh?
42:30Hey, hey, hey, hey.
42:32Hold on.
42:32I'll be back, Michael.
42:34Hey, how's that?
42:34I know.
42:35I told you Fitch wouldn't let 1500 go by without a struggle, didn't I?
42:39Now, I don't care how you do it, but just keep him away from that hotel.
42:41Yeah, what are you going to do?
42:49The desk sent me up there.
42:51I'm, uh, I'm Michael McGeegan.
42:52I'm Margot Fenyfeather, Mr. Burton's secretary.
42:58Your wife and Mr. Burton have been held up.
43:01I'm to take care of you, Michael.
43:06What would you like?
43:07Um, hot coffee from a proper, proper puffy pot.
43:12I'd heard a lot about you.
43:14Ah, don't you be believing to half of it.
43:17Whiskey?
43:19I hope you don't mind me being personal.
43:21What do you mean, held up?
43:23They're phoned from the restaurant when they arrive.
43:26You're much more handsome than I expected.
43:29Ah, sure you know how to flatter a man, you silver-tongued devil, you...
43:34You and your wife don't get along too well, do you?
43:37No.
43:39I shouldn't say things like that.
43:41It's the talk of the town, is it?
43:43Ah, just one of those things, Miss Pennyfeather.
43:51I think we should be getting down to the restaurant, Margot.
43:57Yes, I really think we should.
44:00You're shy, and I heard you're a real daredevil.
44:05Where's all the bandana gone, Michael?
44:09You're a very forward girl, Margot.
44:11I'm notorious, Michael.
44:31I'll see you downstairs.
44:33Billy!
44:36What the hell?
44:38Hurry up.
44:41There's actually got to be some kind of a mistake here.
44:44Oh, shit, look.
44:44Just enough to look good.
44:48What are you doing?
44:50Trying to improve your love life, Paddy.
44:55Come on, men!
44:56We haven't got all night!
44:58I promise the next one.
44:59For George.
45:00Oh, forget George.
45:01Forget everything but us, Judy.
45:03I'm so desperately in love with you.
45:06I'm not smiling for the little birdie, dear.
45:08I'll make a hand very worried about you.
45:11Oh, Judy, Judy.
45:12Why are you going to hold me back like this?
45:14You're bound to say yes sooner or later.
45:16Yes?
45:17I'll make this one from the cellulose.
45:18Who is it?
45:19Please.
45:19Why, it won't they leave me alone?
45:21Yeah.
45:22Wouldn't I be thinking...
45:23That's not him.
45:24That's right, dear.
45:28You've behaved very badly, smile, Richard.
45:44Smile.
45:45Don't leave me.
45:49Leave me off, will you?
45:52I did me best.
45:54You didn't have to do me fighting for me.
45:57Who put you up to this slimy face?
45:59Hold on to this one.
46:01I'll call the law.
46:02Let me get the hell out of here.
46:07It would appear that Mr. Fitch has been avoidably detained.
46:11But then sometimes you see him and sometimes you don't.
46:14But I've got your evidence.
46:15Of course there is a little matter of 1,500 pounds.
46:18If the evidence is satisfactory,
46:20Mrs. McGeegan has empowered me to settle any reasonable account.
46:24I should also advise you that any future communication between you and your wife
46:28will be made through me.
46:33Usually it's the husband who becomes successful once shot at the humble little wife.
46:36Can't keep pace with his ambitions.
46:39Of course the law says that the abandoned wife's entitled to the same standard of living
46:43plus hefty share of the mutual assets.
46:45Mind you, the law's gone bananas over equality lately, isn't it?
46:48In this case, Michael here would be treated as the abandoned wife.
46:51Is this some kind of funny game?
46:53Yeah, the old badger game.
46:55Set the victim up with a good-looking tarp,
46:57she seduces him into the sheets,
46:58in barges the alleged husband, flash, flash, bingo.
47:01I need hardly say that my client had no part.
47:03I need hardly say that your client wanted rid of him and that adultery was favoring.
47:06Good clean stuff.
47:08Decree in 18 months, guilty party wouldn't have too strong a claim on the joint property.
47:11I don't know what you're talking about.
47:13No doubt when the cops catch up with Fitch, he'll tell him whose idea it was.
47:16I have to advise with any act of advice.
47:17Michael, Michael, now you're winning.
47:19Look, you can take her for the lot now.
47:23You thought that little of me, did you?
47:27You know, when I first met you,
47:28I owned nothing but a set of house painters brushes.
47:33If money is that important to you,
47:37then I wouldn't want to take anything that I hadn't paid for myself.
47:44And I hope that it brings you health and happiness.
47:52Very noble, Annette.
47:55For a few minutes, I felt a bit grubby.
47:59But then my home isn't in another land.
48:29It isn't really an hooligan, just a master of disguise.
48:33The police are anxious to interview you, Mr Fitch.
48:38They're anxious to interview you, Mr Fitch.
48:41They have four days at 50 a day, plus expenses.
48:4550 a day? I should have been copping 25.
48:47You screwed me up, Hazel. I don't know you a thing.
48:50I have to get some files.
48:52Two hundred and fifty quid.
48:55Look, the best I can do...
48:56Isn't good enough.
48:57Look, James, you're not this sort to kick a man when he's down.
49:01I'm... I'm skinked.
49:03It's us? Or the old Bill?
49:06Oh, no. No.
49:09Look, take the furniture.
49:11Right. That's a tenner.
49:17Take the office.
49:21Are you serious?
49:23Well, why not? I won't be needing it any more, that's for sure.
49:26I'm all washed up in this game.
49:28What's the rent?
49:3040 a week.
49:31I paid three months in advance.
49:33You get another ten from Graham Morris.
49:34He's worth 20 as an unpaid answering service.
49:37You screwed up my last chance.
49:38Why don't you strip me of my last asset?
49:45Almost in Baker Street.
49:48Like it.
49:51Pleasure doing business with you, Neville, my boy.
49:57Oh, well, don't delude yourself, Hazel.
50:00It'll all happen to you, every shabby, sweaty, stomach-churning, humiliating moment of it.
50:06You'll, uh, throw in the goodwill.
50:08Of course.
50:11You were born one morning
50:13Woke up where the ceiling fell
50:19Born one morning
50:21Woke up where the ceiling fell
50:37Woke up where the ceiling fell
50:55You learned everything you knew
50:55Fade this time around
50:57You've been down so long
50:59It looks like her
51:02Ain't that a shame?
51:06Down so long
51:12You know your love might change tomorrow
51:16And then again
51:17It might stay just about the same
51:37You know what you know
51:39Anything you made
51:43Are there
51:43Woke up with my
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