A.W.P. S02 E03. A Law for the Rich.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 7th March 1986.  The lads take a step up in the world when they are asked to convert Thornley Manor into timeshare units.    Timothy Spall - Barry Taylor Jimmy Nail - Oz Osborne Christopher Fairbank - Albert Moxey Gary Holton - Wayne Norris Pat Roach - Bomber Busbridge Tim Healy - Dennis Patterson Kevin Whately - Neville Hope Bryan Pringle - Arthur Pringle Bill Paterson - Ally Fraser James Bate - Malcolm Hallwood John Bowler - Howard Radcliff Carolyn Courage - Helen Bellamy Anthony Dutton - Det. Insp. Moriss Kevin Doyle - Det. Sgt. Laurence Derek Watson - Punshon Ying Tong John - Big Baz Martin Matthews - Sgt. Ives Lynne Aston - Fiona Nicholas Lumley - Maitre D' Vass Anderson - Clarkson

Transcript

00:00No one said it was gonna be easy

00:30All of the changes we had to share

00:35Well, you think we made it all worth fine

00:42Then you realize no one cares

00:47But we're gonna get it right this time

00:54Cause we passed the point of no return

01:00And we're never gonna go down that road again

01:24Nice motor this, Wayne

01:27That it can really shift

01:29Well, I wouldn't try to prove it if I were you, Wayne

01:32This is a police car on your tail

01:34Lucky bugger you are, Wayne

01:45They must have bigger fish to find

01:46Hey, I'll be right back

02:02Hi, hey

02:22We were talking on the way up at Baldbury

02:24Well, at least about here

02:25And for spoiling the wedding

02:26I know a bit about that, as it happens

02:28Well, would you know?

02:29Well, as I was giving the lovely Hazel a lift up

02:32Back to her place

02:33She invited me in

02:34And before Barry showed up

02:36She told me the whole situation

02:37What do you mean, poor bloody Barry

02:39Got back and found you two ensconced?

02:41It's no wonder the wedding's off

02:42Well, it looks so

02:44I wouldn't jump a mate's bird

02:46Not at three in the afternoon

02:47This is well for him

02:48I wasn't up, I shouldn't it?

02:50She needed someone to confide in, all right?

02:53She thought I was his best mate or something

02:54So what'd you sit?

02:57Needed time to think

02:58Was it for the right reasons

02:59Re-evaluate the relationship

03:01Blah, blah, blah

03:02Anyway, point is

03:03She's got cold feet

03:04Well, if you know that

03:05You must have had your leg away

03:06All right, end of story

03:07End

03:08I shouldn't have mentioned it

03:09Should I?

03:09Funny though

03:09Whenever us lot get together

03:11It spells trouble for someone

03:12All right, so what we're doing back together

03:14Because we're misfits, Mum

03:16What?

03:17What?

03:18We're drifters

03:19Drifters on the highway of life

03:22There's more like I'd make the sand

03:25I don't see it that way, myself

03:28No?

03:29No, we're drifters, yeah

03:31But that's because we're free spirits

03:34Rebelling against the system that wants to grind us down

03:37I think comradeship's got a lot to do with it

03:41Counts for me, anyway

03:44That's why I'm here

03:46Not just to help out Barry

03:48But to be with you lot

03:50Even you, Oz

03:52Well, thank you

03:53Got to get a donut

03:55Strange lad, that lad

04:00Do you know, in all the time I've known Moxie

04:02I think that's the longest speech I've ever heard in me

04:04Well, if he was that keen to see us again

04:07His age must be pretty bloody desperate, wasn't it?

04:09No?

04:11Ah, Moxie's right

04:12We're free spirits

04:14Embarking on a great new adventure

04:15We're the Magnificent Seven

04:17And Dennis is your bringer

04:19Well, he's got about the same amount of hair

04:22Oh, aye

04:23Very funny, very funny, aye

04:25Look, man, we're not off to repel marauding Mexicans, you know

04:28We're only getting back to Lane Bricks for a couple of months

04:30Oh, aye

04:31Might as well be in Mexico, mate

04:33We're bloody Derbyshire

04:34It's in the middle of nowhere, isn't it?

04:36I'll be here's back, Ops

04:38Cos he was the youngest and best looking, wasn't he?

04:40Ah, he was also the most boring bastard, wasn't he?

04:42All right, all right

04:43He was the one that was always tagging along

04:44The other six kept on to tell him to piss off

04:46I think Barry should be your bringer

04:48Cos he's the one that brought us together

04:49All right

04:50Can't say that somehow

04:51He's not a natural leader, is Barry

04:53Aye

04:54James Corburne me

04:55Cos he was

04:57Cool and

04:59Laconic, wasn't he?

05:01Oh, since the situation's vacant

05:02I'll be Steve McQueen

05:03Oh, no, hold on

05:04I forgot about him

05:05Oh, yeah

05:05Oh, you piss off

05:06You chose the crowd

05:07So you're stuck with him

05:08Yeah, well, who's that lead me?

05:10Charles Bronson, innit?

05:11What?

05:12No, no, man

05:13There was this big fella, man

05:14Was one of them

05:14Nobody could ever remember his name

05:16Oh, I, I, he's

05:19I can see his face

05:20Oh, am I, you tillick?

05:22He's

05:22I can see him

05:23Ah, well

05:24Just let me know my name

05:26If ever you remember it

05:26So that'll use

05:28Bronson and Robert Vaughan

05:30For burying Moxie

05:30Robert Vaughan

05:32He's the one that lost his bottle

05:34But redeemed himself

05:34At the finish, wasn't he?

05:36Aye, Bronson

05:37Bronson was the enigmatic one, wasn't he?

05:39Deadly leak

05:40Agreed, then?

05:45Bronson

05:46Yep

05:47Bronson

05:47What's yours, Bronson, Moxie?

05:50What?

05:51Why?

05:52Because no bugger can follow the mute, man

05:53He's the one that..

05:55Uncle

05:56Good

05:59Uncle

06:01Go

06:07Go

06:09Go

06:16Ah.

06:32Photographs didn't do this place justice.

06:35It's even bigger than I imagined.

06:37Yeah.

06:39You know, Allie,

06:41I've always thought that Victorian architecture

06:43was a gesture of their confidence rather than their taste.

06:47Ah, well.

06:49Think about it, Malcolm.

06:50A hundred years ago or so, there'd be one family living in this place.

06:53Coal owner, probably.

06:55Picture it.

06:57There's a thousand wretches slaving away underground

06:59for a hundred hours a week for a bowl of dripping,

07:02and he's up here supping claret and playing billions after dinner.

07:08Knows what it is, eh, son?

07:10In point of fact, I think most of the industry round here was steel.

07:13Well, times change.

07:16Most of Kenny Ames' money came from pornography.

07:19Did he ever actually live in the house?

07:21I think he spent a few weekends here

07:24before the fraud squad caused his hasty departure to Mallagop.

07:28The fraud squad's my main concern, Allie.

07:31Any transaction involved in his property

07:33is gonna show straight up on their computer.

07:35So?

07:36They can't freeze his assets.

07:38Thanks to our great British judicial system,

07:40a man is innocent until proven guilty.

07:42But Kenny Ames will be innocent until the day he dies.

07:45Provided he dies in Spain.

07:47It draws attention to you.

07:49I mean, they're not gonna fail to notice

07:51that the sale price is way below market value.

07:53That's fraud, Allie.

07:55You're avoiding capital gains tax to say nothing has stamped, Judy.

07:59Look, my survey report will show that this building

08:01has riven with dry rot, rising damp woodworm,

08:04probably, possibly even death watch beetle.

08:07He's very lucky I'm taking it out of his hands.

08:10You haven't had a survey.

08:16I haven't even had time to conduct the normal searches.

08:19My survey report will show exactly what I wanted to show, my friend.

08:26I guarantee that.

08:27I guarantee that.

08:48Mr. Fraser?

08:50Clarkson, representing Mr. Ames.

08:53Hallward, representing Mr. Fraser.

08:55How do you do?

08:56How do you do?

08:57How do you do?

09:09That's it!

09:25What is it?

10:10Oh, yes. This reminds me very much of my gaffy in Tilbury. Not so much gardens, mind you, on the other end. Don't suppose they had the plung from the lino factory, huh?

10:22I lived in a place like this once.

10:26Bollocks.

10:27Ed, the glass will never press that in.

10:34What's all you found to do with this, then?

10:36Time-sharing units, I call them.

10:38All self-containly?

10:39Aye, so we'll put lots of bathrooms in, you know, kitchen, that's...

10:42It's not to work.

10:43Oh, it's a stack of overtime, eh, because he wants a job doing fast.

10:46So I wouldn't reckon on, er, seeing you and Brenner to off him yet.

10:49Fine, mate, mate.

10:51Oh, hey, don't tell me you're heading for the Broken Homes Club as well, are you?

10:54Oh, course not.

10:56I'll just be glad to get me head down and get some solid grafting.

10:58Come on.

10:59Come on.

11:00Come on.

11:01Come on.

11:02Come on.

11:03Come on.

11:04Get your veggies for me.

11:05Hiya.

11:06See if this opens.

11:07Watch you learn, son.

11:26What's the draw, then, Dennis?

11:28We're supposed to wait around till he shows up.

11:30Homer could murder a pint.

11:32We're past a nice little pub in the village.

11:34Aye, well, you lads good on there.

11:35I'll have to stop here, mate.

11:36Where's Oz and Mox?

11:38Watering the geraniums, I suppose.

11:44Hey, Oz, Mox, come on.

11:47We're going down to Boozer.

12:12Hey, bummer.

12:13Don't let the lads make a dear trip with this man, no way.

12:16Leave it to me, Dennis.

12:17I'll keep him in order.

12:18A pint and a pie.

12:19Good.

12:25I thought you said this place was empty.

12:26Cheers, man.

12:27Oh, hiya.

12:28Apart from the monster.

12:30Didn't want to let you know about that in case I'd break you off late, you know.

12:37What are you peasants doing on my property?

12:39There's notice there what clearly states that members of the working class will be exterminated.

12:44Now, piss off!

12:46Oh, good morning, Mrs Bellamy.

12:47How are you?

12:48Oh, very well, thank you.

12:49I was taking Jasper for his morning walk past Thornley Manor and I saw some men there.

13:07Oh?

13:08Well, there's probably a perfectly innocent explanation, but they did look awfully rough.

13:14Why is it so much?

13:15What is it?

13:16Is this it, Wayne?

13:17Nah.

13:18Is this it, Wayne?

13:28Nah.

13:29No, no, the one I saw was further down the road.

13:32Looks quite nice.

13:33Nah, I hate places like that.

13:36You've never even been in one horse?

13:38What are you doing?

13:39I'm apt to get into now what they're going to be like, man.

13:42Full of bloody horse brasses and punters in suede coats,

13:45slurping gin and tonics,

13:46tart about bloody Jim Corners.

13:48Yeah, he's right.

13:50There'll never be a tarp out there.

13:52Excuse me, dear.

13:56What's your name, by the way?

13:57Fiona.

13:59Well, I need a little more horseradish Fiona

14:01and we'll have another one of those at the same time.

14:04Right.

14:06Very good food.

14:08Yeah, I found this place in Egon Roney.

14:12Happily, it's quite near that.

14:13Yeah, well, as much as I like the place

14:15and as much as I fancy our wee friend Fiona here,

14:17I'm not overanxious to extend my stay.

14:20After all, I'm officially supposed to be

14:21on a golfing holiday in Marbella.

14:23We've cut all the corners.

14:26I know Mr. Hallward still has a few question marks.

14:29Oh, I had still a wee bit of ping-pong to do in the deal,

14:31but that's for you two legal eagles to sort out.

14:33Just you let me know when I can have the keys

14:35and I can send my boys in

14:36and by the time you've had your creme caramel,

14:38you'll have my check in your pocket.

14:41The wine's just coming, sir,

14:43and there's the horseradish.

14:44Lovely.

14:45Thank you, Fiona.

14:48That's a Scottish name, isn't it?

14:49There we are, thank you, Fiona.

15:02Oi!

15:03I want you to get these records, James, lad.

15:05Nothing to do with me.

15:06That's up to the brewery.

15:08Well, a brewery from the brewery must love Gerard Gerard.

15:11You haven't got one decent record on here, man.

15:13Same again, is it?

15:14No, no.

15:14I promised then I'd get you all back.

15:16It'll work.

15:17Just going for a piss.

15:20Hey, better get down some and eat, eh?

15:22Oh, yeah.

15:22Got any of them pies left, squire?

15:24No, you had the last.

15:25Have you got any scotch eggs?

15:26No.

15:27You got anything, huh?

15:29It's after two.

15:30Look, we've got this mate and he's not eaten,

15:32so what can you offer?

15:33Crisps or that sandwich.

15:38Well, take that, then.

15:41Don't think we'll be coming back here, I believe you.

15:44He has no part. Can he drop?

15:46No, I'm not talking about the beer, man.

15:48I'm talking about main horse there.

15:49Happy Harry the Winko.

15:51Are you referring to me?

15:53Well, yeah, obviously, XORF, aren't you, eh?

15:56I mean, judging by all the crap,

15:57you've got hanging up on the walls, anyway.

15:59When did you get pensioned up, then?

16:01I resigned.

16:02Six years ago.

16:03Oh, six years ago, eh?

16:05Well, that'll be the nice, easy stretch, was it?

16:07What do you mean, easy?

16:08Between Sowers and the Falklands,

16:10there wasn't a lot of action, was there, eh?

16:12About as much as we'll find round here.

16:14I trust you'll go and find it somewhere else.

16:16Hello, we've got Lily-Laurie.

16:33Stop the car, Wayne.

16:34You what?

16:35Stop!

16:36I've got to get out!

16:37There's a couple of people in the village taking lodges.

16:58I expect we'll manage.

17:07I've got to get a bait, I'm climbing.

17:18That's good.

17:20Here.

17:23You shouldn't have gone to all that bother, man.

17:25These are your lads, eh, Mr. Patterson?

17:27Aye, Sergeant, I've had Spummer, us, Wayne, Neville.

17:31Where's Muxy?

17:31In a minute, please.

17:33Where's he, man?

17:34He's, uh...

17:35He's jogging, Dennis.

17:36Aye.

17:36Yeah, you know what a fitness fanatic is.

17:38Aye.

17:39Aye, what have we done wrong, anyway, Sergeant?

17:41Aye?

17:42Only been in your locality for about ten minutes.

17:44It's just a misunderstanding, lads.

17:46I'm off for me dinner.

17:47Maybe see you later for a jar sometime, eh, Dennis?

17:49Aye, cheers.

17:52Aye.

17:53What's going on, man?

17:53Where's Muxy?

17:56As soon as he's seen the lawn,

17:57he's off like a rat that would drink.

17:59Yeah, it's a conditioned reflex, isn't it?

18:01You know how to check a past it, Scott.

18:02Yeah, it's a bit odd, though.

18:04Aye.

18:05Aye, it's not the way Charles Branson would have performed, is it?

18:12Maybe we should have given him Robert Vaughan.

18:14Aye, Dennis, what was the law last?

18:21Yeah, just checking up late, you know.

18:25Ah, you know Malcolm Holford?

18:32No, Oliver.

18:33Dennis, who'll be in charge of the operation?

18:34Got it.

18:35Looks like you got your work good out there.

18:42Well, I've got the right lads for it late, you know.

18:44Look more like a bunch of mercenaries.

18:57So, how long do you reckon, Dennis?

19:05Oh, it's the chance, Ali, man.

19:06I've only just seen the plans.

19:08Need to see the architect, won't I?

19:09Ah, none of these were drawing up for the previous one.

19:12My man will be down tonight, it's Howard Brantcliffe, do you know him?

19:16Yeah, I can't see a door being out the trade for a while, have I?

19:18Ah, my little come-bag.

19:19So, how long?

19:21Well, that all depends, doesn't it?

19:23Whether you want the job done to first-class specifications, or you're doing a Mickey Mouse

19:27job where we'll paint over the cracks for a quick profit.

19:29Eh, nothing wrong with Mickey Mouse, never did Walt Disney any harm.

19:31Right, now, come over the cross-keys, ten o'clock tonight, save time in the morning.

19:35Well, hey, hey, hey, don't think you're rushing off in the morning, you know.

19:38Me and you have got to go into town, open a bank account.

19:40I mean, I've got to be made signatory on the chequebook, so I can get credit with the trade.

19:43Well, take me back to Spain, Kenny Ames will be running about with Vicky in one of his porno movies.

19:47He's flashing a mashy nubble, it's right, left and centre.

19:49Come on, move it.

19:59This place looks all right.

20:02Oh, I reckon this place is a good idea.

20:04We've been all over the place, manos.

20:06Well, I thought that Mrs Armandage seemed nice enough.

20:08Oh.

20:09You know what that's going to be, don't you?

20:11Wipe your feet before you come in and lights out after ten.

20:13Of course, when I was going to stay with Ali at the cross-keys at £50 a night, like.

20:17Well, if we don't find somewhere soon, we're going to end up kipping down at the house.

20:20I'll dig.

20:21Well, I don't fancy that.

20:22Look, man, tell me for one night, man, we'll find somewhere permanent.

20:24Some of us are starving because some of us didn't get any dinner.

20:27I'll eat.

20:28I'll eat.

20:29Suit yourselves.

20:30Right.

20:31Let's go now.

20:39What's the matter?

20:40Well, you're best at this sort of thing.

20:42Ah.

20:43Yeah, you handle it.

20:44Is your lads now something I don't?

20:46No.

20:57Evening.

20:58Have you got any rooms for you?

21:00I might have.

21:01You couldn't manage three twins, could you?

21:03How many nights?

21:04At least a couple.

21:05Yes, I think I can manage that.

21:06Jummy.

21:07Right, lads.

21:08No problem.

21:09Well, they'll be 18 pounds a night and I don't take credit cards.

21:14It's okay.

21:15I would prefer cash anyway.

21:16Tell you what, give us five pounds of this bit to start with, please.

21:21Hello again.

21:22Hello again.

21:23Hello.

21:24Hello.

21:25Hello.

21:26Hello.

21:27Hello, my friend.

21:28Hello.

21:29Hello.

21:30Hello.

21:31How's that, lads?

21:32I've been to the night and I don't take credit cards.

21:34It's okay.

21:35We prefer cash anyway.

21:37Tell you what, give us, er, five pounds of this bit.

21:39Let's start with, please.

21:44Hello again.

21:47Hi.

21:49Hello, my friend.

21:55PHONE RINGS

21:59Hello? Hello?

22:02Hi, Nev. Have you got your good day, then?

22:05Yeah. It's quite nice here, actually. Very rural-like.

22:10Anyway, how's things with you?

22:13Oh, I can't, I suppose, yeah.

22:17Doing me vats, drives a bloody bomb.

22:20No, I mean with you and Hazel.

22:22Oh, well, it's very difficult to say, Neville, really.

22:26She's acting very peculiar, if you ask me. I told her so.

22:29I said you're acting very peculiar, Hazel.

22:32Still, I'm not going to do anything precipitous.

22:35I mean, it's not as if she's, you know, seen anybody else or anybody else about, like...

22:40I mean, I can understand if it was, like, but...

22:43No, I think it's all in her head, actually, Nev, yeah.

22:46Ah, she'll come round, yeah.

22:49It's just a matter of waiting her out.

22:51I think.

22:57Oh, I'm at Toorley.

22:58Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Dennis. Good.

23:00Pull up a chair. You fancy a brandy or something?

23:02I wouldn't say no, aye.

23:03Hey, Fiona, darling, another brandy up here, sweetheart.

23:07This is Howard Radcliffe, Dennis.

23:09How do you do, Dennis?

23:10Your lads settling in all right, are they?

23:12Aye, I will phone the place up the road.

23:14It's not as cosy as this, like, you know.

23:16Bullitt'll do.

23:17You fancy something off the sweet trolley? I recommend the chocolate mousse.

23:20Yeah, would make some cheese and crevice.

23:22Whatever you like.

23:23If you want it, darling.

23:26I'll have the cheeseburger, please, love.

23:29Well, Dennis, we're basically keeping to the original plans with a few simplifications.

23:33Cutting corners, you mean?

23:35Oh, Dennis, Dennis.

23:36Your attitude is becoming increasingly cynical.

23:38I've got a major investment to protect here,

23:40and I'm concerned with economies.

23:42And these are hard times.

23:45Oh, I haven't seen that, eh?

23:47We're talking about a little crisps, then, aren't we?

23:49Do you want to pack the crisps?

23:50Yeah, all right.

23:51Do you want to pack the crisps off?

23:52You can't get any food.

23:53Aye, salt and vinegar.

23:58Right, well, we'll go and eat, then.

23:59Yeah.

24:00What's this?

24:02Aye, I'll put that on.

24:04Should I have it?

24:05I've got a bloody do.

24:30This place is like a Morgan, eh?

24:32I think it's colder in the end of the desert, eh?

24:34Aye, right, lads.

24:35This is where I want them to start, right?

24:37No matter what the architect decides,

24:39the guts are going to come out of these rooms, right?

24:41Now, this wall here, the whole wall's got to come down,

24:43and all these old fair places ripped out.

24:46We're going to put a new wall in there,

24:49so we're going to have two new kitchens in here.

24:51OK?

24:52Hello.

24:53I've got to go into town.

24:54We'll make a start, all right?

24:56All right.

24:57Absolutely.

24:58Have we got any juice, mate?

24:59Come on.

25:00Come on.

25:01Come on.

25:02Come on.

25:03Come on, here.

25:04Come on.

25:05Come on.

25:06Come on.

25:08Come on.

25:09Come on.

25:10Come on.

25:11Come on.

25:12Come on.

25:13Come on.

25:14Come on.

25:15Come on.

25:20Mox.

25:21Oh, lads.

25:23Where the hell are you hoping?

25:25I tossed down there last night.

25:27You look bloody frozen.

25:29Here, lad.

25:30Cheers, lad.

25:32So what's the word then, eh? I mean, I think you owe us an explanation, mate.

25:37Yeah. I've been in prison, see.

25:41Oh, nah, that was long to go, was it?

25:44Doesn't mean you gotta shit yourself every time you see a police.

25:47No. I mean, I've been in recently. Like last week.

25:51I'm not you out till next March.

25:53What? You mean you've went over the wall?

25:56I wasn't a close, Nick. I was in an open prison in Cheshire.

26:00It wasn't as if I had to dig a tunnel or rent an helicopter.

26:03I just walked out the front door.

26:05Bought a Toblerone at the post office and got a boss to Macclesfield.

26:09Why? I got a mate there.

26:11He'd give us a float and I made my way to Barry's.

26:15You must be mad, Mox.

26:17Yeah, it's a bloody lunatic thing to do, Mox.

26:20If he was in open prison, he must have been dealt with fairly lenient.

26:22Oh, I was. I'm not a grade eight villain.

26:25Just got done for the old trouble.

26:27Well, arson. Yeah.

26:29Yeah. You see, with me, they know that it's a psychological defect

26:34as opposed to a criminal tendency.

26:37I also didn't want a prison burn to the ground, did I?

26:40Yeah, but calm me, Mox.

26:41If it was an open prison, you must have had life pretty cushy, eh?

26:44You still stare, Wayne.

26:46There's still people telling you what to do and when to do it.

26:49They had a year of it ahead of me.

26:52They will have a bloody sight more when they nick you, mate.

26:54Yeah, Wayne's right.

26:55You'll give yourself up and you'll be keen for your little walkabout.

26:58If you don't and you get collared, you'll be looking at two years.

27:02Yeah. I'll take my chances.

27:04Suit yourself.

27:06Yeah.

27:07Yeah.

27:08I'm not going to pass anyone.

27:09Ah, doesn't worry, Moxie.

27:10We love that kid.

27:11Good girl, man.

27:12I think we all light the fire, eh?

27:13That's a good idea, then.

27:14Er, no.

27:15No, no.

27:16Not you, Moxie.

27:17I think I'll do it.

27:18Tee's up, lads.

27:19Oh, great.

27:20There you go.

27:21Four mirrors.

27:22Cheers.

27:23Oh, cheers, mate.

27:24Want a tea, hod?

27:25Jesus.

27:26I tell you what, I think we should put Moxie back on the old tea duty, don't you?

27:29Must have met us, mate.

27:30All right.

27:31We've got a week's time, haven't we?

27:32Yeah, come on.

27:33All right.

27:34Come on.

27:35Come on.

27:36Come on.

27:37Come on.

27:38Come on.

27:39Come on.

27:40Come on.

27:41Come on.

27:42Come on.

27:43Come on.

27:44Come on.

27:45Come on.

27:46Come on.

27:47There you go, son.

27:48Good morning.

27:49How are you?

27:50I'm Helen Bellamy.

27:53I owe you gentlemen an apology.

28:08It was I who sent the policemen here yesterday.

28:11I'm afraid I thought you were criminals.

28:14I suppose it looked a bit out of place, right, wouldn't you?

28:18Mr. Ames talked about doing some work on the house.

28:21It's not Mr. Ames or work before.

28:23This is owned by Mr. Fraser now.

28:25Oh?

28:26It's been sold?

28:27I never saw any signs.

28:29None of the local estate agents had it listed.

28:32Of course, Mr. Ames was rather a mystery man.

28:36My husband and I met him once when we were raising money for Oxfam.

28:39He made a very generous donation.

28:41And then one day we opened the Sunday newspapers and found him described as King Pawn.

28:46Oh, yeah?

28:47Yes, is this Britain's most evil man?

28:50One of them asked.

28:51We'd always found him perfectly charming.

28:53Oh, well, you can't have gone judging a book by what you see printed on the front cover pad, can you?

28:58I beg your pardon?

28:59He's saying appearances can be deceptive.

29:02Right.

29:03Yeah, you see, these days a lot of villains become country squires, don't they?

29:05You know, mingle with the local knobs, take up fox hunting, have sherry with the vicar,

29:09then once a month they pops down to London, does the old bullying job.

29:13And then at the Rumble, you see, they'd dodge out a spin, didn't they?

29:16Ah, spin?

29:17Yes, where one gathers, Mr. Ames now resides.

29:20Would you like a cup of tea, Mrs?

29:22No, thank you. Jasper and I must be getting along.

29:25Nice dog, buh.

29:27I like the retrievers.

29:29I would have thought the retriever would be the last sort of dog you would have fancied, Moxie.

29:34Shut up, Oz.

29:36The old house can do with a lick of paint.

29:38Oh, it's more than that, pet. Big job, this. Conversion.

29:42Really?

29:43Aye, we'll be here, Wayne.

29:45Aye, so you'd better look up your adult, Oz.

29:49Gentlemen, your rooms are ready. You can go out whenever you like.

29:52I think we'd rather have another half, wouldn't we, Barry?

29:54Oh, good.

29:55Oh, yeah. Nice drop, that.

29:57I suppose you get many visitors this time of the year.

30:00No, not until the holidays, no.

30:02Well, actually, as it happens, this week I'm quite full.

30:06Evening.

30:08Come on.

30:10Yeah, Lord Scots, please, Arthur.

30:12In a moment.

30:14Got colder, has it?

30:24Aye, really chilly out there, I know.

30:27Where are the rest of your people?

30:29Well, they're still working on the house. I've been into town, you know.

30:32Sawing a bit of business out, like.

30:34We have other guests staying, so I hope tonight there won't be quite so much noise.

30:38Didn't realise it would have been all that noisy.

30:40That crude fellow.

30:41Us?

30:42The one with the broken tooth, I don't know what his name is.

30:44Aye, he's called Us.

30:45Well, he was somewhat boisterous.

30:47Come on, I don't think seeing along with a jukebox is particularly boisterous.

30:50Well, tell him if he doesn't approve the records, not to kick it in with his hot-nailed boots.

30:54Can I have a Lord Scots, please?

30:56Oh, excuse me.

30:58Captain Warmth.

31:02Bit of your famous northern hospitality, is it?

31:04Don't include me, I'm from the north-east.

31:06This is the south, as far as I'm concerned.

31:08And what is it you do here, then?

31:10Billing job.

31:11We're converting an old house around the corner.

31:14It'll be a place called, er, Thornley Manor, would it?

31:17What if it is?

31:18Well, if you've got a team of lads on it, presumably it's just changed hands.

31:22May be, I'm just a billing contract I'm here.

31:25Still, you must know who's paying your wages.

31:27Do you mind, er, telling me why you ask me all these questions?

31:31Oh, I'll get a rolling, we'll eat dinner, son.

31:33Shall we?

31:34Detective Inspector Morris.

31:36This is my colleague, Sergeant Lawrence.

31:38Mr. Fraser, passenger travelling to Malaga.

31:39Please contact the information, please.

31:40Yes?

31:41Hello, Ali.

31:42Oh, hang on a minute, will you?

31:43Look, Dennis, I'm about to call my flight.

31:48If you're phoning me because they've found woodworm in the joist, then I'll be less than happy.

31:49It's nothing so trivial.

31:50It's the law.

31:51Oh, what is it?

31:52The big lunatic with a broken tooth, who's he chinned this time?

31:56Yes?

32:03Hello, Ali.

32:05Oh, hang on a minute, will you?

32:08Look, Dennis, they're about to call my flight.

32:10If you're phoning me because they've found woodworm in the joist,

32:13then I'll be less than happy.

32:14It's nothing so trivial.

32:15It's the law.

32:16Oh, is it the big lunatic with a broken tooth?

32:19Who's he chin this time?

32:20Look, shut up a minute, will you, man?

32:21Look, it's the plain clothes from the Met.

32:23They're asking questions about you.

32:24There's a deal on the house.

32:26Now, what do you tell them?

32:27Oh, come on, man.

32:28I've known you long enough to know how to fend off questions.

32:30I've told them now.

32:31I just thought I should let you know, that's all.

32:33Right.

32:34Here's what you do.

32:34You ring Hallwood, you put them in a picture.

32:36This is his department.

32:37Then you get your team up at the crack of dawn.

32:38You get them down that house.

32:41Look, we're in construction, not demolition.

32:44Now, you need a wee bit of one before you can start on the other.

32:46And if they're after evaluation, it'll all help to muddy the waters.

32:49So you're still going away?

32:51Are you kidding?

32:52Spain seems more attractive than ever, my friend.

32:54I've got a pint.

32:56Shut the door, will you?

32:58What's going on?

32:59Shut the door.

33:00Shut the door.

33:01About Moxie, is it?

33:03Moxie?

33:03Why would it be about Moxie?

33:04Doesn't matter what it's about, man.

33:05What's happening?

33:06Just keep your voice down, will you?

33:08What for, like?

33:09Because there's a pair of coppers just down the hall.

33:12Those walls are so thin, if you fart, they'll faint, man.

33:14Yeah, well, I can vouch for that from last night.

33:17Wasn't me?

33:18Look, it's got nothing to do with us.

33:21Just a few complications have turned up, that's all.

33:23All right, well, you work for somebody like Ali Fraser, you expect complications, don't you?

33:27I know what's going on here.

33:29He's done a backdoor deal where he's bought that house for way below its market value.

33:33There's a word for that, Dennis.

33:35Fraud.

33:35You don't have to work for him, Neville.

33:37If you don't like his money, you can piss off back to Tokyo.

33:39Don't touch you, Dennis.

33:41Just want to know where we stand.

33:42Same as we did an hour ago.

33:43Business as usual.

33:44But if those two coppers come round here, sniffing round, asking questions, I'll handle it.

33:50Yeah, yeah.

33:53You know what it is?

33:54This place is about as cosy as my local inner Falklands was.

34:02Never there, kettle.

34:04Come on, Moxie, man.

34:14Why are you in there?

34:17If we're getting in this early, we might as well not have gone to bed.

34:25Is it safe?

34:26Nah, the place is surrounded by the SPG with riot shields.

34:30No, very much.

34:33Hey, you're dimming all flat to yourself, you, Dean, man.

34:35I mean, you're not exactly public enemy number one, is you?

34:38Who are cops, where'd be?

34:39Plaincoast from the smoke.

34:41Don't come round looking for toe regs like you, Sam.

34:44Oh, hello, Ben.

34:47Morning, Papillon.

34:50Yeah.

34:52Bain and egg sandwich here for you.

34:53Oh, cheers, mate.

34:55Oh, by the way, it was Brad Dexter.

34:57What was?

34:59Well, the bloke we couldn't think of in the Magnificent Seven, bomber's character.

35:03It was Brad Dexter.

35:04Never heard of him.

35:05Oh, no one has.

35:06That's why we couldn't remember him.

35:07I couldn't sleep last night, see?

35:11What, we worrying about the Lord and the cold and the rats?

35:14Nah, I couldn't sleep either.

35:15Worrying about you and your situation.

35:17What I'm going to do about it, Moxie?

35:19Yeah, I'm sorry, Dan.

35:20I'm going to level with you.

35:22I think he's right.

35:23Eh?

35:24I think it was Brad Dexter.

35:27Ah, nah, that's who he was, man.

35:29He was a gadget who had saved Frank Sinatra's life, wasn't he?

35:32That's right, yeah.

35:33When was that, then?

35:34I don't know when.

35:35I'm not in memory, man, am I?

35:37But, er, apparently what happened was, Sinatra got a dook in one time in early June, and

35:42that Dexter gadget dived in and pulled him out.

35:45Saved him.

35:46So that would have been it, wouldn't it?

35:47In clove up with the rest of his natch.

35:50Oh, I just imagine it, eh?

35:51Limos, boilers, monogram cufflinks with initials on.

35:56Oh, he fancies, I'd imagine.

35:58Eh, if I can drag you all lot back to the real world, I'd like to make a start here.

36:03Start on what?

36:04Anything that's still standing, sticking up, or intact, flatten it.

36:29Ten, they're back.

36:31Oh, the bloody law, that's who.

36:33Oh, Moxie, man, pull yourself together.

36:35Then I'll have to you, man.

36:36If I start asking questions, I'll handle it, all right?

36:39It's no good for my ticket, all of this, you know.

36:41It's my third heart attack in 48 hours.

36:43If anybody else looking intensive care, it'll be me.

36:52Red edge, yeah.

36:54Well, it's hardly surprising.

36:55Red edge, move it!

37:13Red edge, move it!

37:14If this house had been put on the open market, I would have suggested an asking price of $180,000 to $190,000.

37:33According to Mr. Ames' solicitors, it's just been sold for $1,000,000 to $10,000.

37:36Really?

37:38That does sound rather dubious.

37:40However, considering Mr. Ames' reputation, I'm not altogether surprised.

37:44That's why we're here, Mr. Punshan.

37:46Well, that's your province, not mine, of course.

37:49I met him once when he was trying to buy a pony for his daughter.

37:53I couldn't put my finger on it,

37:55but I felt something didn't quite ring true about the chap.

37:59It was a pity he didn't tell us at the time.

38:01A pity you people let him slip through the net.

38:19I wouldn't stand there if I was you.

38:42Mindy, Baxter.

38:49Perhaps $180,000 would be on the high side.

39:02Is it far?

39:04What?

39:06Newcastle.

39:07Bloody miles.

39:11What's it like?

39:13Do you think of yourself as working class, Barry?

39:16What I should do.

39:19Towel blocking Leytonstone.

39:21Dad's a caretaker.

39:22Yeah, I'm solid working class.

39:24Well, you've spent the night in Newcastle.

39:26You realise you're middle class.

39:37Hey, I'm a reload.

39:41Oh, brother.

39:42Hey, hurry up, Wayne, will you?

39:47There's a bloody queue out here, you know.

39:50Why do these places always just have one bug?

39:53Hey, I'm just being said to Mox.

39:55He'd be all right with us, won't he?

39:56I mean, he's our mate.

39:57We've got to look after him.

39:58Oh, that's all very well for you to see.

40:00Technically, I'm the employer.

40:02What?

40:03That says a lot about where your mentality is, you know, then?

40:05What's that supposed to mean?

40:11Well, what do you think I mean?

40:13I don't know.

40:14You tell me what my mentality is.

40:16Well, in a word, you see yourself as a gap.

40:19I don't know what I've done.

40:20That's an old sentence.

40:22Hey, man, I'm saying this for your benefit, you know, to us, budge.

40:26Yeah, all right.

40:26Shut up, both of you.

40:29Look, I've got to handle this job legit, right?

40:31Yeah, but Ali's a crafty old bugger himself.

40:33Well, that's all the more reason, isn't it,

40:35why he doesn't want to bring any heat down

40:37by some petty infringement of the Employment Act.

40:40Look, I have to do your 715, stamp your ticket.

40:43Moxie's got neither.

40:45Look, Moxie, if you're picked up,

40:47which, God forbid, they're going to ask me, you know,

40:48quite rightly why I hired you,

40:50without proper documentation.

40:52So when you talk about accessories,

40:54won't be you lot, will it?

40:55Oh, no.

40:56Be yours truly who ends up in the courts.

40:58See what I mean about the gaffer's mentality?

41:00Yeah, but he's right, though, isn't he?

41:02Can't compromise him, it wouldn't be fair.

41:04Oh, all right, all right.

41:07Well, does it not strike you lot as a bit ironic on this set-up?

41:10What, eh?

41:11What?

41:13Here we are, eh, we're working for this bloke

41:15whose reputation is, to say the least, dubious.

41:18I mean, I know about Ali Fraser, you know,

41:20he's a heavy-duty villain.

41:21But he's harried, he's harried,

41:23cos he's so bloody wrapped up by lawyers,

41:26the cootings and legal loopholes,

41:27he couldn't give a monkey's job

41:29about the law of the Inland Avenue in and out.

41:33And you're more worried about Moxie,

41:34who, I mean, you know, with all due respect,

41:36is just some low-life punter,

41:38whose only real fault is he gans through life

41:40thinking every day of the years Guy Fawkes need.

41:43What, Hogsbury, Moxie?

41:44When was the survey done?

41:49When my client first became interested in the property.

41:52The date's on there, I think.

41:54Did the surveyor ever actually visit the house?

41:57What are you suggesting?

41:59Oh, come on, it's been doctored.

42:00Christ, the ink's still wet.

42:03But we know this whole deal stinks, and so do you.

42:06And you've even got a bunch of cowboys down there

42:08knocking 20 grand off the value as we speak.

42:11They're renovating the property.

42:13We were bleeding demolishing it when we left.

42:16Even if they rip up every floorboard

42:18and discover termites in the ballroom,

42:20you and I know that that house

42:22has been marked down well below the odds.

42:24And your friend Mr Fraser is going to take

42:26a bundle of cash in a duty-free bag

42:28to Spain to make up the balance.

42:30If he hasn't already.

42:34You chaps have come an awful long way

42:36to voice these speculations.

42:39Is there anything else I can help you with?

42:41Yeah.

42:43Where do we eat in Newcastle?

42:48Oh, my word.

43:03Hello again.

43:04Morning.

43:05All right.

43:06I run you a bath.

43:07Got any rear docks, I'm afraid.

43:09Are you the foreman?

43:10Me?

43:11No, I'm just one of the guys who does the graft.

43:13I'm so sorry.

43:14Dennis is our gaffing arm.

43:16Aye.

43:17Well, I do rather need a word with him.

43:19Right.

43:19Any soon I said than did.

43:22Dennis!

43:25Some problem, is there?

43:27Yes, I'm afraid there is.

43:28Oh, what's happened over?

43:29The locals got a petition up to get rid of us undesirables.

43:32No, not exactly.

43:34Aye, what's going on?

43:36Nobody's setting out about stopping work, you know.

43:39Well, we are it.

43:40We'll yet to see.

43:44Well, we've got some.

43:45I'm afraid you'll all have to stop work.

43:51Oh, what do you mean?

43:52Well, as I suspected, this is a listed building.

43:55Grade 2.

44:01I called the council and they confirmed it.

44:04Well, that means that nothing can be changed without prior planning permission.

44:07Look, I'm sorry, but until I hear that from my boss, my life's just keep on working.

44:11I'm afraid Mrs. Bellamy's right.

44:13But if you don't stop now, you can have a court order from council within the hour.

44:18Oh, I don't believe they speak me.

44:22There's nothing personal in this, you understand.

44:24And I do realise that it's not your fault.

44:27But I'm sure you'll agree that in this day and age,

44:30we must do everything we can to keep the heritage of England intact.

44:34I was brought up on a council estate in the northeast of England, Beth, Mrs. Bellamy.

44:38I've seen precious little of the glorious heritage of England.

44:43Right.

44:58Same again, is it?

44:59Aye, why not?

45:01Need craft tomorrow.

45:02Might as well work on my hangovers the night.

45:03Get me a whiskey and pepper as well, will you?

45:06I'm terrible indigestion, like bloody curry.

45:08Aye, I don't believe this.

45:09You know, there's only one toilet upstairs.

45:11Three of you have to have vindaloo.

45:13Oh, all right.

45:13Same again, please, squire, and a whiskey and pepper.

45:34Do you mind not calling me squire, or chief, or boy, or mate,

45:38or any other title you people have bestowed on me?

45:43Got to call you something.

45:47Then why not try Arthur?

45:49That is my given name.

45:51As you wish, Arthur.

45:52I say, Arthur.

45:53Do you think I could have a little brandy on the side, please, Arthur?

45:56Arthur, I think I've got a cold coming on Arthur.

46:02Evening, H.

46:03Oh, Barry!

46:04Good to admit.

46:05Just drive up, did you, son?

46:07Yeah, yeah.

46:08If you need to break me down and all.

46:10You better wish not, eh?

46:12I'm not having a penis collardons, are you, that much?

46:14Beers on all of it.

46:15Not wrong here, you nut.

46:16Better make that another whiskey and pepper, Arthur.

46:19Is he another one?

46:19Last of the magnificent seven, this.

46:21Barry Taylor, meet Mr. Arthur Pringle, your genial host.

46:26Good evening, squire.

46:27I've only got a single room, and it's £15 cash.

46:30Whatever.

46:31I have the wherewithal.

46:33Barry, you take any notice of miserable, Mick, man.

46:35You must have a seat with the lads.

46:37I think my bin to lose on the move.

46:39Oh, no, no.

46:41It certainly moves fast, that pretty, doesn't it?

46:43And if now I would even just buy it and sling it straight down the bog,

46:46we could cut the middle man who did, then.

46:49There's no food here, I'm afraid, Barry.

46:50Oh, I'm not interested in food, never, no.

46:53I haven't eaten the proper meal for three days, actually.

46:57Oh, dear, aye.

46:58Here's a lizard.

46:59I thought you'd never ask.

47:01Now, your presence here indicates that conciliatory talks are broken down, I assume.

47:05Protein, Wayne, yes.

47:07She needs to think things through, like, she needs her own spaces, as it were.

47:11I'm sure it'll all work out, son.

47:14Oh, yeah, yeah.

47:15I'm sure it will, yeah.

47:16Yeah, but, um, in the meantime, I thought, just, you know, best get away, like.

47:21What you've done about the business?

47:23Couldn't face it, Neve, no.

47:24Let it slip, anyhow, recently, with the house and stuff, no.

47:28No, no.

47:30Wolverhampton's just too painful a place for me to be at this point in time.

47:34Too painful a place for me at the best of times.

47:37I know, I mean, it's got too many memories now.

47:40I thought, best get away with me mates, get me head stuck into some honest graft.

47:44Oh, oh, yeah.

47:46Aye, well, eh, if you were thinking about easing the pain by throwing yourself into work,

47:51a bit of a hiccup there, I'm afraid, buddy.

47:52Right, just a little one, but...

47:54What do you mean, hiccup?

47:55Well, eh...

47:56Well, look, we've got a couple of problems there, Barry.

47:58The bloke we're working for, he's got the fraud squad breathing down his neck,

48:03which doesn't install confidence.

48:05We've had the down tools on the old house,

48:07because they've slapped a preservation order on it,

48:09and apparently,

48:11Moxie's on the run from the neck,

48:12so we're harbouring a fugitive from justice.

48:15Apart from that, everything else is triff.

48:18I don't know what I've got myself into.

48:20The Moxie business isn't such a problem, not knowing we're not working.

48:23No, the gruff, the ticket, the bother, they're dead.

48:27Yeah, well, there is no Moxie problem.

48:30What do you mean?

48:30He's buggered off again.

48:32His bed's not been slept in and his tools are all gone.

48:34Oh, aye, aye.

48:36What was it he said last night, eh?

48:38Kind of compromised you, Dennis, wasn't it?

48:41Well, he hasn't, has he?

48:42He's pissed up to keep you in the clear.

48:43Ah, knock it off, Foz.

48:45What?

48:45Den didn't drive him away, did he?

48:46Trying to say I did, Lee?

48:48Nobody did.

48:49He just didn't want to implicate any of us.

48:50You've got to respect him for that.

48:51Look, maybe he's gone back to turn himself in, eh?

48:54Didn't give your voices to him on, will you?

48:57Look, I know one thing.

48:59I just hope he doesn't get coloured on his way back of the neck.

49:01Because they'll not believe he was on his way back.

49:07Poor old Mox.

49:10All alone in the night.

49:12He's bitter, do you know?

49:14Wonder where he is now, eh?

49:16Probably sleeping rough.

49:17Ah, he's probably curled up in some bloody ditch.

49:20Skate stiff.

49:21Bloody frozen stiff.

49:23I think he's terrible.

49:29Still,

49:30as he's gone,

49:32I might as well have his bed.

49:38Well, there's no point in paying extra for a single room.

49:41Yes, it started a while ago

49:55Just strangers thrown together

49:59Helpless heroes caught in a dream

50:02Boy, we made such a crazy team

50:06Out of luck

50:08Out of luck

50:08And out on a limb

50:09We saw each other through

50:12We laughed it off

50:15A man, we shared a few

50:17Back with the boys again

50:21Back with the boys again

50:28Oh, we're back

50:53Back with the boys again

50:56Yeah, we're back

51:00Yeah, we're back

51:00Back with the boys again

51:01Back with the boys again

51:02Back with the boys again

51:03Back with the boys again

51:04Back with the boys again

51:05Back with the boys again

51:06Back with the boys again

51:07Back with the boys again

51:08Back with the boys again

51:09Back with the boys again

51:10Back with the boys again

51:11Back with the boys again

51:12Back with the boys again

51:13Back with the boys again

51:14Back with the boys again

51:15Back with the boys again

51:16Back with the boys again

51:17Back with the boys again

51:18Back with the boys again

51:19Back with the boys again

51:20Back with the boys again

51:21Back with the boys again

51:22Back with the boys again

51:23Back with the boys again

51:24Back with the boys again

51:25Back with the boys again

51:26Back with the boys again

51:27Back with the boys again

51:28Back with the boys again

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