- 1 day ago
Desperate Housewives Season 2 Episode 15
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Short filmTranscript
00:02Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:04I don't know, I just marry you.
00:06I've got a fantastic health plan.
00:07You'll be covered instantly.
00:09Susan got an offer she couldn't afford to refuse.
00:12You've had too much to drink.
00:14Give me your keys.
00:15Brie rejected a helping hand.
00:17I want to have a baby with you.
00:19Gabby gave Carlos the answer he'd been waiting for.
00:22You're my second AB negative today.
00:24Uh, who was it?
00:25That guy.
00:25And Zach began to put A and B together.
00:33Susan Meyer had always believed the punishment should fit the crime.
00:39She first came to this conclusion when she discovered her husband Carl had been unfaithful.
00:46Since Carl had destroyed the love she had given him.
00:54Susan felt it was only appropriate.
00:57She destroyed the things he loved in return.
01:02One by one.
01:07But now, three years after their divorce, Susan was reunited with Carl once again.
01:13Susan, are you listening to me?
01:15As partners in a crime of their own.
01:18This is insurance fraud.
01:19We could both go to jail.
01:21And we can't tell anyone we're getting married.
01:23I know.
01:23I was listening to you.
01:25Now, the prenup's all set.
01:27Sign it at the courthouse.
01:2911.30 Wednesday morning, right?
01:30Right.
01:30And your surgery's still on for Thursday?
01:32Yep.
01:33Good.
01:33The insurance kicks in the minute we say I do.
01:37You're set to go.
01:38I know no one's asking me, but I think this whole thing is a tragic mistake.
01:42And I just don't have it in me to survive another ugly divorce.
01:45Don't worry, honey.
01:46This time it is strictly a business arrangement.
01:48It better be.
01:49Because if I see so much as one lingering gaze between the two of you,
01:51I swear I'll go to the insurance company and turn you in.
01:55So we shouldn't expect a wedding gift, huh?
01:58Oh, can you grab me your wedding ring?
02:00I want to get it cleaned before the ceremony.
02:05Uh, is that really necessary?
02:06I mean, that we have to do the whole ring thing?
02:09Of course we do.
02:10It's got to look believable.
02:13Yeah, okay.
02:13Well, I'll just grab something out of my jewelry box.
02:16Susan, that ring was my grandmother's.
02:18One day it's going to be Julie's.
02:20Where is it?
02:23I don't know.
02:25Exactly.
02:25That was a family heirloom.
02:27I trusted you with it.
02:29Well, I trusted you not to cheat on me and break my heart.
02:31Oh, my God.
02:32Oh, my God.
02:33What did you do with it?
02:35I threw it out my car window somewhere on Route 7.
02:38What?
02:39When?
02:40The night you abandoned me.
02:41Suze!
02:42Carl, you are so not allowed to get angry.
02:45I mean, I might have been the one to throw away the wedding ring,
02:48but you threw away the whole marriage.
02:49Okay, there was plenty of bad behavior that went on back then,
02:52so just get off your high horse.
02:54We're on the same page now,
02:55so we should just focus on that.
03:03Yes, Susan Meyer believed the punishment should fit the crime.
03:08Carl, I think there might be snakes in here.
03:11We're not leaving here until you find that ring.
03:15But for that matter, so did Carl.
03:32It was a tradition at Leonardo's Bar and Grill.
03:36An hour before closing time,
03:38a waiter would sing a selection of ridiculously depressing Italian arias.
03:43It was also a tradition that the only customers who would actually listen
03:48were the ones already depressed to begin with.
03:59Tony, do you have to rush off?
04:01I thought maybe we could just chat for a minute.
04:05So I haven't seen you in a while.
04:08Well, I didn't want to come here
04:09because I was afraid it would dredge up memories of my husband.
04:13You know, this was our place.
04:16Rex passed away recently.
04:18He was, um, murdered by our pharmacist.
04:23Wow.
04:26I hope you change pharmacist.
04:28I didn't have to.
04:29He committed suicide.
04:32Look, you've had a little too much wine tonight.
04:34How about I call you a cab?
04:36Oh, no, no, no.
04:37I'm okay.
04:38Your car would be safe in our lot,
04:40and you can pick it up tomorrow.
04:41Please.
04:44Well, okay.
04:48Tony, how many more arias is he going to sing?
04:52Five.
04:53Well, in that case,
04:55why don't you bring me another bottle of the Pinot Crucio?
05:00And please hurry.
05:50Brie?
05:53Brie?
05:54You okay?
06:03Yes?
06:04Hi.
06:05Did you know your mother is asleep on the lawn?
06:11Oh, wow.
06:15Yeah, well, you don't seem terribly shocked.
06:17Oh, it's just that Mom drinks and sometimes she sleeps it off in the weirdest places.
06:24Can I help you with her?
06:26No.
06:27No, that's okay.
06:29I know how to take care of her.
06:31Well, good luck to you then.
06:55I'm coming.
07:00Hi.
07:01Hi.
07:02Your kids, do they have any allergies I should know about?
07:04Uh, not that I know of.
07:06Why?
07:07Because I'm watching them.
07:09Tom called, said you both got pulled into work for the weekend, asked me to babysit.
07:13Really?
07:14I thought it'd be nice if I gave them back to you alive.
07:17Oh, hey, Ms. McClessie.
07:19Hi.
07:19Sorry, I forgot to tell you.
07:20Oh, that's okay.
07:22Um, would you excuse me just for a second?
07:25I have a thing.
07:27Here.
07:27Thanks.
07:29Follow me.
07:30You're part of the thing.
07:37A million teenagers in this neighborhood and you hire McCluskey?
07:40What's the big deal?
07:41Well, for starters, she's ancient.
07:43Shh.
07:44This is a thin door.
07:45It was not that long ago that she keeled over in her front yard.
07:48A day with our kids will finish the job.
07:50But it's only for a few hours.
07:51Plus, Parker's on a play date with the Ferals, so it's just the twins and Penny.
07:56Just the twins and Penny?
07:59Okay, that was stupid.
08:00Let me try it another way.
08:02We have to be at work in one hour.
08:04There's no daycare on the weekends, so you cut McCluskey loose.
08:07We're stuck.
08:09We will find someone.
08:11Someone who doesn't remember what they were doing the day Lincoln was shot.
08:16Fine.
08:18Let's go break the news.
08:20My wife has something to tell you.
08:25So, here's the deal.
08:27Um, there was a little miscommunication and as it turns out, we don't need ya.
08:32Okay.
08:34Fine.
08:34I'll just go back home.
08:36Okay.
08:37Sorry.
08:37By the way, your husband was right.
08:41It's a thin door.
09:05Carlos, what are you doing?
09:10Hello, Gabriela.
09:12Hello, Gabriela.
09:12Oh.
09:14Hi, Mom.
09:20I just told Carlos I just had to take a shower.
09:23The man next to me on the plane weighed 300 pounds and he sweated all over me.
09:28Ugh.
09:28It was so gross.
09:29No, I'm just surprised you're here.
09:31It's Valentine's Day.
09:33Don't you and Mr. Hedge Fund have plans?
09:36I know Carlos and I do.
09:37You know?
09:38I left Charles.
09:40What?
09:41Mm-hmm.
09:42He was worth like six million dollars.
09:44Money is not everything, Gabriela.
09:46For some people.
09:46But we're talking about you now, Mother.
09:49You know, I can't believe this.
09:50I mean, I just went through a terrible breakup and the least you could do is pretend to care.
09:55Well, of course we feel awful about it.
09:57Don't we, Gabriela?
10:00Yeah, we're just sick about it.
10:02Well, don't worry about me.
10:04Mm-hmm.
10:04I'll be okay.
10:06In fact, I bought myself a little gift to take my mind off my problems.
10:12Really?
10:12What did you buy?
10:14New boobs!
10:15Whoa!
10:16No peeking, Carlos.
10:17Mom, put these away!
10:19My plastic surgeon gave me a great deal.
10:22Aren't they fun?
10:24Bye, Carlos.
10:30What?
10:31I think she's charming.
10:33Okay.
10:34You can think she's charming, but don't forget for one second that she is a monster.
10:42Did you get the gum out from under the diamond?
10:45Mostly.
10:47Morning.
10:48Hi.
10:49Happy Valentine's Day.
10:52Dr. Ron, did you spend the night?
10:54Well, I got kind of tired after the movie, so I asked...
10:58That's okay.
10:58She knows that you make house calls.
11:00Oh.
11:01So listen, I got surgery till 6.
11:03I'll get dressed and I'll pick you up at about 7.
11:05We have reservations at Shay and Naomi.
11:07Great.
11:07I'll have a light lunch.
11:08And also, Dr. Cunningham's schedule opened up, so if you'd like, we can move up your surgery
11:13to Wednesday.
11:14Oh, I have a wedding that day.
11:16On a Wednesday?
11:17Uh, yeah.
11:19Um, Wednesdays are becoming very popular with brides.
11:23It's like the new Saturday.
11:25Oh.
11:26Okay.
11:27Well, I'll see you tonight.
11:35Your mother is a rotten, sneaky person.
11:38Look, I'm not too crazy about this whole fake marriage thing, but if you don't have
11:44that operation, you could die.
11:46So don't be so hard on yourself.
11:48You are a good person.
11:51Thanks, hon.
11:52That really helps.
11:54Okay.
11:55Now I want you to go over and slip this ring to your father.
11:58And just so you know, if Edie catches you, I'm expecting you to swallow it.
12:07How's the hangover?
12:09I do not have a hangover, Andrew, because I was not drunk.
12:15And, uh, how about a little hair of the dog?
12:19Perk you right up.
12:20Look, for the record, I had an allergic reaction to my antihistamine medication, so I would appreciate
12:28just a little bit of sympathy.
12:29Why can't you just drink alone in your room like Tammy's mom?
12:32For God's sakes, it was an honest mistake.
12:35I thought I could have just a little bit of wine with dinner, but apparently my body couldn't handle it.
12:45Fine.
12:46If it makes everybody happy, I will just suffer through my sneezing fits in my hives on my own.
12:53There.
12:54Is that better?
12:55So, basically, you would rather drink than to not have allergies?
13:06Hi, is now a bad time? I could really use a favor.
13:17She was beautiful, wasn't she?
13:20Yeah.
13:22Come on, sit down. Your breakfast is getting cold.
13:29Okay.
13:35Is my real mother beautiful?
13:38Well, she was, uh, attractive, as I recall.
13:42Hm.
13:43Do I look like her?
13:46I don't know. I only met her once.
13:49Oh.
13:50Well, I guess if I don't look like her, then I might look like my real dad.
13:57I'm getting real tired of your morbid fascination with two strangers that didn't love you enough to keep you.
14:03So, please, stop asking about them.
14:08It's only natural that I'd want to talk about my birth parents.
14:13Well, it may be natural, but it certainly isn't polite.
14:22And once your daughter was dead, they had to get rid of her somehow.
14:26That's where the toy chest came in.
14:28Flash forward 15 years.
14:30The chest washes up on the shore of Rockwater Lake.
14:33Any forensic evidence is long gone.
14:36The Youngs get away with murder.
14:38Now, of course, the wife, Mary Alice, is already dead.
14:43But Paul Young's a different matter.
14:47If you'd like me to deal with him, just say the word.
14:55Delphino's bringing my grandson here.
14:58I want to get the kid something.
15:01You know anything about those MP3 things?
15:06Yeah, they're real nice.
15:08I'd go with that.
15:10Ah, he's probably got one already.
15:14Paul Young has had 16 years to give my grandkid anything he wants.
15:20Do me a favor, will ya?
15:23Yeah.
15:24See to it that Paul Young has a toy chest of his very own.
15:44Carl!
15:45Yeah?
15:46This place is a freakin' pigsty!
15:49Would you get down here and help me?
15:52All right, hold on, it's almost half-time.
15:54By the way, I made dinner reservations at Shay and Naomi tonight, if that's okay.
15:58It's gotta be better than that rat hole you took me to on New Year's.
16:01And don't even think of getting out of the way.
16:03You're getting me carnations again.
16:05That crap might have flown from Meijer.
16:07I actually have taste.
16:09Come on, move it!
16:20All right, I'm coming.
16:23No, no, no, sit and watch your game.
16:25I was just giving you a hard time.
16:27We've had a tough week.
16:28Yeah.
16:33Boys, can you just keep it down just a little bit because I have a very special type of grown
16:39-up headache.
16:40We need to see Mommy and Daddy. We want to play them our song.
16:44Honey, you can't. They're at work.
16:46What can we play for you?
16:52Sure.
16:55Just a moment, okay?
17:02All right, boys, let's have it.
17:13When I heard that you two wanted to try for another child, I was delighted.
17:18But I had some cause for concern.
17:21Gabrielle, you suffered some extensive injuries during your fall last month, and the tests confirm there are complications.
17:30You can't have kids?
17:32Well, the doctor's not 100% positive, but it's very, very iffy.
17:37Carlos, I am so sorry. I know how much you wanted to be a dad.
17:40Thanks.
17:42Don't be so suicidal. We can always adopt.
17:45I wanted to have a child of our own, you know that.
17:47What does it matter whose DNA it is? The diapers are still going to smell the same regardless.
17:51I just prefer not to adopt, okay?
17:53Fine. What about surrogacy?
17:56I mean, I know it's pricey, but at least the baby would look like us, and I wouldn't get stretch
18:01marks. It's a win-win.
18:03Great. So then we have some stranger off the street giving birth to our child. Is that what you really
18:07want?
18:08What I want is for you to lighten up. We don't have a lot of options, and you're going to
18:11have to pick one.
18:12I have a thought.
18:15Well, it is a little bit controversial, but go with me.
18:20Well, first of all, let me tell you that I am in the best shape of my life.
18:24So?
18:24So, what if I was your surrogate?
18:31Yeah, I know. I know it might sound a little crazy, but I am the only one in the world
18:35that you can trust who will put the baby's needs first.
18:39You know, I'll exercise more. I'll eat better.
18:42Mother, no.
18:44Why?
18:45Off the top of my head, you're on Medicare.
18:48Oh, God. I am only 51. You know, and there's this woman in England last year, she was 63 years
18:55old, and she gave birth to her own grandchild.
18:58Look, I don't care if she shot triplets out of her ass. It's not going to happen.
19:04Can you believe this?
19:07How'd that England baby turn out? It didn't have, like, a big head or anything, did it?
19:11Carlos, you are not seriously considering this.
19:13Well, think about it, Gabby. This way the surrogate wouldn't be some impersonal incubator.
19:17There'd be a family tie.
19:22I have a migraine. I'm going to go lay down upstairs.
19:25And when I get up, I hope we can all talk about this like rational human beings.
19:33Carlitos, don't worry.
19:36Just give her time.
19:38She'll come around.
19:47.
19:47,
19:48.
19:49.
19:49.
19:49.
19:49.
19:50.
19:54.
20:02.
20:22Boys?
20:26Boys?
20:31Okay, we're done playing hide-and-seek.
20:35Boys?
20:40Porter!
20:42Preston!
20:44This isn't funny!
20:53Mrs. McCluskey, hi.
20:54Have you seen the Scalvo boys?
20:57Well, can't say that I have.
20:59Why?
21:01I have something to tell them.
21:08Have they signed the contract?
21:10Because if not, somebody should call Bednark
21:11and tell them to adjust the language.
21:14I'm sorry, hang on.
21:16Hello?
21:16Bennett Scalvo?
21:17Yes.
21:19I believe I have something that belongs to you.
21:27Hi, excuse me.
21:28You said my kids are here.
21:30Hi, Mommy!
21:31Hi, Mommy!
21:32Oh, my God!
21:33Dad!
21:33What?
21:34Oh, my God!
21:35What were you thinking?
21:36Taking off like that?
21:38What were you talking about?
21:40Get your stuff.
21:43Thank you so much.
21:45I'm just glad I found him and not some weird old freak.
21:48Oh, yes.
21:49Oh, yeah, me too.
21:51Because there are all sorts of crazy people out there.
21:54Drunks.
21:55Perverts.
21:56Molesters.
21:56Yes.
21:57Yeah, no, I know.
21:58No.
21:59You got really lucky.
22:01I mean, a different person might have called the cops or child welfare.
22:05Well, okay, I know how this looks, but I have to tell you I left them with a very reliable
22:10babysitter.
22:11Oh, yeah.
22:11You picked a real winner.
22:16Are you judging me?
22:18Because if you are, you couldn't say anything.
22:20What?
22:21Let it go.
22:22The kids walked through my house to get here.
22:24We don't have a leg to stand on.
22:28Well, thank you so much.
22:31Here we go.
22:38Hey, I don't know about you, but I am tired of all the tension around here.
22:42So, I was thinking we could go shopping.
22:45Have some fun.
22:46Then maybe later we can talk about the surrogacy thing.
22:49See if we can make it work.
22:50Oh, Gabriela.
22:53You'll see.
22:54This is the best thing for the entire family.
23:04So, where's the boutique?
23:06Oh, it's in the hotel lobby.
23:09So, go ahead.
23:10I'm right behind you.
23:10Okay.
23:21What are you doing?
23:22I'm going home.
23:25What?
23:26I thought we were going to talk about how the surrogacy will work.
23:30Here's how it's going to work.
23:31You're going to check yourself into the hotel, and then tomorrow you're going to plant your childbearing hips on a
23:36plane, and you're going to leave our lives forever.
23:42I'm pulling out.
23:43Watch your boobs.
23:47Wow.
23:58Come on out.
23:59Oh, thank God.
24:01I'm so sorry.
24:02I don't know what happened.
24:04I was in the kitchen cleaning up after making cookies, and I looked in the living room, and they were
24:09gone.
24:10We tried to tell her we were going, but she was asleep.
24:14You were sleeping?
24:16I most certainly was not.
24:17Yes, you were.
24:18Okay.
24:19All right.
24:20That lie just lost you another week of TV and video game privileges.
24:24That's two.
24:25You want to keep talking and lose more?
24:26Then apologize to Mrs. Vandekamp.
24:29I'm sorry.
24:30All right.
24:30No.
24:31No harm done.
24:32I'm sorry.
24:33I'm so sorry.
24:35Ah.
24:41Well, if you ask me, it's a pretty crappy thing to do.
24:44Did you even slow the car down before you pushed her out?
24:46Okay, first of all, no one asked you, and the only reason you care about my mother is because of
24:50that ridiculous suggestion she offered.
24:52I think her offer to be our surrogate was very generous.
24:54Generous?
24:55Don't you see the strings attached?
24:58What strings?
24:59The only reason she offered up her dusty womb is because she's screwed.
25:02Her latest sugar daddy gave her the boot, so mom needs a place to stay and money.
25:06So trust me, if she carried our child, we'd be footing the bill for years.
25:10I think your hatred for her is clouding your judgment.
25:13Maybe, but you don't know her like I do.
25:18Okay.
25:20You ran away from home 15 years ago.
25:23Did you ever think to talk to her about the stuff that happened between you and your stepdad?
25:27It wouldn't have done any good.
25:30How do you know that?
25:34Because she knew exactly what was going on with Alejandro, and she chose to look the other way.
25:39But you never even gave her a chance to step up. You just ran away from home.
25:41Because if I did, then she would...
25:47Because...
25:49There was a chance she wouldn't have believed me, and...
25:51And that would have hurt a lot worse than anything he ever did to me.
26:07She's your mother, and she loves you.
26:12I know it's been a very long time, but maybe you can talk to her about it now.
26:23I'm getting her luggage back to her, and that's the best I can do.
26:42What are you doing here?
26:43There's something I need to talk to you about. It's important.
26:46There's nothing for us to talk about.
26:48Shut up and listen.
26:51Deirdre's father, Noah Taylor, somehow found out about Zack.
26:55And he wants to meet him.
26:57Somehow found out? Like maybe you told him?
27:00Noah is no friend of mine.
27:02But he's very rich and powerful, and he's terminal.
27:05And he wants to meet his grandson before he dies.
27:09Absolutely not.
27:10Well, you'll be surprised, but I agree with you.
27:14Noah destroys everything he touches.
27:16And the last thing either of us wants is for this guy to get his hooks into Zack.
27:26What are we supposed to do?
27:28You and Zack need to vanish.
27:30Just stay out of sight until nature takes its course with Noah.
27:36If we leave, we won't be coming back.
27:37Zack, you'll never see your boy again.
27:43I know.
27:52Happy Valentine's Day, my darling.
27:56Isn't that your ex-husband?
27:59Oh, yeah.
28:03Apparently they'll let anyone in here.
28:06Hi.
28:08Your chocolate souffles will be out momentarily.
28:11We didn't order souffle.
28:13I ordered it as soon as we got here.
28:14Takes an hour to prepare.
28:16Oh, I really can't. I'm stuffed.
28:17No, no, no. This, you'll want to try.
28:20It's their specialty.
28:24I guess I'll have the souffle.
28:27Can you excuse me for a second?
28:30I, um...
28:31I just have to powder my nose.
28:37I'm sorry to interrupt.
28:39Your makeup is all smudged.
28:41Come with me, I'll fix it.
28:42What?
28:42Come on, get up.
28:44I'm sorry.
28:46My makeup is sweaty.
28:48In here.
28:53I have some news that's probably going to devastate you.
28:57But I wanted to be the first one to tell you.
29:00Okay.
29:01Carl is about to pop the question.
29:04You mean, like marriage?
29:06Mm-hmm.
29:07Oh, I hope I haven't ruined your Valentine's Day.
29:09Do you want a tissue?
29:10No, no, I'm okay.
29:11I'm just...
29:13surprised.
29:14I...
29:15Well, congratulations.
29:17What makes you think he's going to propose?
29:21Well, I, um...
29:22I was looking through his briefcase this afternoon,
29:24and I found this ring.
29:26And so tonight he keeps pushing this special dessert on me,
29:29so obviously he's hidden the ring inside.
29:32A ring?
29:35What did it look like?
29:36Oh, I don't know.
29:3818-karat white gold, 10 diamonds, engraved accents.
29:41I just got a quick peek.
29:42Oh, um...
29:44I think I know that ring.
29:46That's his grandmother's ring.
29:47It's a family heirloom.
29:49And, you know, he might just be having it cleaned or something.
29:53Except for one thing.
29:55Lying right next to it?
29:59Was a prenup.
30:02Well, Carl is a lawyer,
30:04and it could just be a prenup for another client.
30:10Boy.
30:12Jealousy is one ugly thing up close.
30:14Oh, no, Edie.
30:16No, you know what?
30:16I'm going to take the high road,
30:18and I'm going to ignore your nastiness.
30:22If you'll excuse me,
30:23I'm going back to my table and getting engaged.
30:30Up!
30:42Oh, hi.
30:44Did you see that man over there?
30:45Dark hair, handsome.
30:47I think he just left his room without anybody noticing.
31:00You never stop I told you I'm not divorcing my wife
31:04I'm in this for the sex and if you can't accept it then go to hell
31:18what the hell are you doing I thought you said this dessert was special when you
31:24put it in your mouth and eat it what is wrong with you well nothing
31:40Carlos what a surprise come on here I thought you could use your bags oh yes
31:44perfect timing I just took a shower and needed something to change into here
31:49leave it here it's fine thank you listen do you have a minute because I need to
31:53talk to you about something yeah sure sit down talk as I dress mm-hmm I'll leave
31:59the door open so I can hear you look I was uh I was thinking about your
32:05surrogacy idea mm-hmm and I think it could be the answer to all of our
32:10problems that is if you're still interested yes I mean I am mm-hmm but I
32:18just think that Gaby will never let it happen no no no she can be convinced I
32:23know it can you please zip me up huh my zipper it's stuck
32:35you did that so fast I know someone who works out as I was saying I think the
32:45surrogacy idea could work um but you and Gaby are gonna have to mend some fences
32:52after such a long time what is the point
32:55please hear me out there was a lot of stuff that Gaby went through when she was
33:01younger a lot of stuff that you don't know about and I think that if you went
33:05to her and asked her about it then the two of you could finally get past it what
33:08stuff are you talking about Carlos
33:14your second husband Alejandro when Gaby was 15 he assaulted her sexually is that
33:23what she told you look I know that it comes as a shock for you to be hearing it from
33:28me
33:29Carlos please I am aware they had sex but it was Gabriela who seduced him
33:36excuse me she was always jealous of me you know you don't know how many times I caught her
33:43wearing my shoes trying on my jewelry and I'd scream at her to leave my things alone but no
33:48she wanted whatever I had then one night she set her sights on Alejandro
33:58believe me no one got raped
34:03Lucia she was only 15 years old
34:06you know a lot of men have left me over the years and I never knew the reason
34:09but when Alejandro left I knew exactly why it happened Gabriela made him fall in love with her
34:17oh it took me so many years to forgive her
34:23you forgave her
34:24but of course I couldn't have offered to carry her baby unless I had
34:38Carl
34:39Carl
34:40come here
34:46why didn't you answer your damn cell phone
34:48I turned it off what's going on
34:49where's Edie
34:50she's upstairs she's been in a pissy mood ever since we left the restaurant I don't know what's wrong with
34:54her
34:54she found the ring and the prenup in your briefcase she thought you were going to pop the question tonight
35:00oh no
35:00no oh yes
35:01you know this whole fake marriage thing was okay when nobody was getting hurt what are we doing
35:06it's a lie
35:07I lost Mike over a lie and now I'm doing the same thing to Dr. Ron and and look at
35:12Edie
35:12she was devastated
35:14I don't think I can go through with this
35:16you can't call off the wedding how are you going to pay for your surgery
35:18I don't know what you know I'll just I'll sell the car
35:22Susie this is your health we're talking about we're getting married
35:25Carl
35:25no Dr. Ron would be the first to say that you're doing the right thing I'll figure out some way
35:31to handle Edie
35:32how how are you going to handle Edie that poor woman's dreams exploded in her face tonight
35:38you know it's not like you can just go out and buy her flowers and everything will be better
35:43then I'll propose to her
35:46well that's a little extreme
35:47not really I was probably going to do it eventually anyhow
35:50obviously we're going to have to get a divorce before I can actually marry her but uh what
35:59Anthony I just
36:01I didn't know that you loved her like that
36:04she's a great kid total package
36:09what's the matter Susie Q
36:10jealous?
36:12no of course not
36:15well okay this is good because
36:18you know if this experience
36:21helped you to realize your true feelings then uh
36:25then we did something good here
36:29yeah I think we have
36:31come here
36:34I can't believe you thought I was jealous
36:37it's not like I still have feelings for you anymore
36:40you're right
36:41I was just fooling around
36:47so how did it go?
36:49fine I just dropped off the luggage and left
37:02what was that for?
37:05no reason
37:08hey I was thinking
37:10we should look into adoption
37:14seriously?
37:16but I thought you wanted a kid with your own DNA
37:21blood isn't everything
37:39hey
37:39I heard you lost your kids yesterday
37:44yeah
37:44yeah
37:45it was cleared up
37:46it's just a little confusion
37:48uh help me out here with something
37:50what exactly is it you look for in a babysitter?
37:54excuse me?
37:54well I may be ancient like you say
37:57but I've never gotten drunk and lost track of three kids
38:00what?
38:01I smelled wine on Brie Vandicap when she was looking for your boys
38:04that's ridiculous
38:05is it?
38:07yesterday I found her passed out in her front lawn
38:09drunk as a skunk
38:10I've known Brie for years and years
38:12there's no way she was drinking while babysitting my kids
38:14so just go spread your poison somewhere else okay?
38:20just thought I'd do you a favor and let you know that's all
38:22okay well thanks
38:30hey
38:32you um you recovered from all of yesterday's excitement?
38:36oh truthfully I haven't been able to get my mind off it
38:40what a scare huh?
38:41yeah
38:42although I still can't figure out how my boys managed to sneak past you
38:49well you know how boys are at that age they're escape artists
38:52they're like lightning
38:55it's just Penny
38:58Penny?
38:58well I mean I just don't understand how Porter and Preston managed to
39:02wrangle her into the stroller and then make it out your front door without you even noticing
39:15I guess if you'd fallen asleep
39:18could have happened like that I guess
39:21you know I think um I must have been cleaning the kitchen and I
39:24I just didn't hear them because of the noise from the dishwasher
39:29look I apologize in advance for how this is going to sound but I have to ask it it's just
39:35going to eat away at me
39:36were you drinking while babysitting my kids?
39:39no
39:44oh
39:46you know I may have had just the tiniest little bit of chardonnay
39:52oh gosh you got drunk and you passed out
39:56Lynette if I close my eyes even for a moment it's because of these antihistamines I've been taking
40:01really is that why you passed out on your front lawn yesterday morning?
40:07now that you're speaking to me in a fairly accusatory tone may I remind you that I was doing you
40:12a favor
40:13you put my kids in danger and then you lied about it do you not get how big that is
40:16do you have some
40:17kind of problem with alcohol? no the only problem I have is with your children they're incorrigible
40:21because you let them run amok and if I hadn't drifted off they would have waited until I was
40:25in the bathroom or stuck on the phone or upstairs doing laundry
40:30on any given day how many glasses of wine do you put away?
40:39I will not be spoken to like that I just won't
41:01now and then we all need a little help
41:06so we ask for small favors thanks i owe you one but it's always best to be wary of those
41:16eager to
41:16come to our rescue well go on kiss the bride
41:26because even the smallest of favors sure thing tom i'd be happy to babysit for you
41:32and in those rare instances where there is no ulterior motive
42:02we're so taken aback that we may fail to recognize the truth
42:20that a loving friend has just done us an enormous favor
42:50and if we better let's just get out of the way
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