- 10 hours ago
Desperate Housewives Season 2 Episode 1
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:28Transcription by CastingWords
00:34Transcription by CastingWords
01:01Transcription by CastingWords
01:02The Department of Motor Vehicles
01:05And the First Methodist Church
01:10Ida had tried to quit drinking many times, but she couldn't.
01:15Then one night, in a moment of despair, she challenged God
01:19to quench her never-ending thirst.
01:25Luckily for Ida, God was listening.
01:56Zach, listen to me.
01:59No!
02:10You're not so tough now, are you?
02:28It was at that moment it occurred to Ida God may work in mysterious ways,
02:35but he isn't particularly subtle.
02:38Anyway, you're not so tough now.
03:25It had been a year since my death, and a lot had changed on Wisteria Lane.
03:33Children had learned new games, new neighbors had moved in, old houses had been rebuilt,
03:46and fresh tragedies had occurred.
03:52In one house, a widow was getting ready to tell her friends of her husband's passing.
03:58But until the time was right, she would wait, and life, as it tends to do, would go on.
04:08I look like hell, I need a hairbrush.
04:12Yeah, that's not going to help.
04:16Susan?
04:18Officer Romsloff is here for your statement.
04:21Zach Young did that?
04:22No.
04:23She fell.
04:24Bit her lip.
04:24It was an accident.
04:26Okay.
04:27So, walk me through what happened.
04:29I went over to I could feed a dog.
04:32I'm sorry?
04:32Feed the dog.
04:35And I turned around, and there was Zach Young, and that's Zach with an H, pointing a gun at
04:41me.
04:42The doctor said keep that in.
04:43You've got to understand, Zach's had a tough time.
04:45He's got an emotional issue.
04:47I think he's crazy.
04:48Still, I don't think he meant to hurt anybody.
04:51Hello?
04:52He was waiting there for you to come home so he could kill you.
04:56Is that what happened when you got home?
04:57The kid took a shot at you?
04:58Actually, Susan fired the gun.
05:00Okay.
05:00That's because I was wrestling it away from Zach so that he wouldn't shoot you.
05:06Oh, it's blood.
05:09Could we do this later?
05:10She's kind of a mess right now.
05:12Yeah, I think I can fill in the rest for you.
05:14I'd appreciate it.
05:15You'll feel better, Mrs. Meyer.
05:16All right.
05:20Ow.
05:21That hurts.
05:22I'm going to get you more ice.
05:23Okay.
05:26I'm telling you, Susan really flew off the handle when she jumped the kid.
05:30So, you were saying this is more about domestic as well?
05:32Definitely.
05:33Yeah.
05:33Are we required to prove that?
05:34Press charges?
05:35Well, you're not really required, but something you should really consider when a handgun is
05:40involved.
06:05John, how did you get in here?
06:07I know where you keep the key.
06:11Mimosa?
06:11No, I'm pregnant, you jackass.
06:13I made yours with seltzer.
06:14Do you have any idea what you've done?
06:16The little stunt you pulled yesterday in the courtroom could get Carlos sent away for eight
06:19years.
06:21Yeah, I thought you might be a little mad about that.
06:24But, once you calm down, you'll see that it's just the two of us.
06:28It's going to be awesome.
06:32You brought luggage?
06:34He's gone.
06:35We don't have to stick around anymore.
06:37We can have a real relationship.
06:40It's what's best for the three of us.
06:41The three of us?
06:42How exactly does that benefit Carlos?
06:45I'm talking about my baby.
06:46You don't know it's your baby?
06:47I don't even know it's your baby.
06:49And I don't want to know because it doesn't matter.
06:54So what?
06:56You don't love me?
06:57Well, up until the point that you told my husband we were having an affair, I was quite
07:00fond of you.
07:01Since then, not a fan.
07:11Hey.
07:12Hey.
07:13Oh, why on earth would you let them finger paint before breakfast?
07:18It's my job to clean that up now, so it's my call, right?
07:24You're right.
07:25I'm sorry.
07:26Hey, I thought the meeting wasn't until one.
07:27Oh, I have a thousand things to do before that.
07:30Borrow a decent scarf from Brie, buy a lipstick I don't hate, and-
07:34Mommy!
07:34Look!
07:34No!
07:35No!
07:36Nobody touches mommy, okay?
07:37I love you.
07:38I love your finger painting.
07:39But if you touch me with those messy hands, I will cut them off.
07:42Go on.
07:43Off.
07:43Good.
07:44Okay.
07:47A little nervous.
07:48Who, me?
07:48I've been out of work for seven years.
07:50I'm a woman of a certain age in a business that values youth above all else.
07:54Why should I be nervous?
07:55You are experienced.
07:57You are brilliant.
07:59You are going to nail this job interview, okay?
08:03Uh, no.
08:04I can't.
08:05You're very so.
08:06Yeah.
08:07Here.
08:11Oh, my cell phone.
08:33Lynette, hi, it's Brie.
08:34I do hope I'm not calling too early.
08:37Hmm?
08:38Oh, of course you can borrow that scarf.
08:40I'll press it for you.
08:42Um, I have, uh, some news.
08:44Rex died.
08:48I thought they were going to operate.
08:50What happened?
08:51Apparently, Rex's heart just gave out.
08:54Oh, my God.
08:56So when can we see Brie?
08:58She said she was going to call.
09:00She's got a lot of things to do.
09:02Planning for the funeral.
09:03That sort of thing.
09:05She doesn't look that busy to me.
09:13Hey.
09:13Hey.
09:14What are you doing out here?
09:16Oh, I'm just waiting for, uh, Rex's mother.
09:18She's going to be here any second.
09:20Honey, we are so sorry.
09:23Oh, do one of you drink, uh, soy milk?
09:25I was cleaning out the fridge this morning,
09:27and Rex is the only one who drinks it.
09:29I just bought it on Friday.
09:30I'd hate to throw it away.
09:35What a waste.
09:38Aw, sweetie.
09:40Honey, you can let it out.
09:42No.
09:42No, I can't afford to fall apart right now.
09:44Why?
09:46You're about to find out.
09:50Brie!
09:50Stop.
09:51Stop here.
09:52This is the house.
09:53Ah!
09:54Is that...
09:55Yes, that is Rex's mother.
09:58Ah!
10:00Ah!
10:01Ah!
10:02Ah!
10:03Ah!
10:05Ah!
10:06I can't believe it.
10:08It's like some hideous nightmare.
10:10My life is over!
10:12My life is over!
10:16My life is over!
10:17Ah!
10:20Ah!
10:21Ah!
10:22Ah!
10:23Ah!
10:23Ah!
10:24Ah!
10:24Hi, Jennifer.
10:25Hi.
10:26Hi.
10:26What?
10:27What?
10:30It appears there's a seven-year gap since your last position.
10:35Would you take some time off?
10:37I was a stay-at-home mom.
10:39I wish it had been time off.
10:42Boy or girl?
10:43A girl.
10:44And three boys.
10:47Four kids.
10:48Yeah, of course, they won't get in the way of the job,
10:49because my husband's staying home with them from now on.
10:55I knew I could never do both jobs justice.
10:58That's why I chose not to have a family.
11:01I didn't want to be one of those kind of women.
11:03You know, sloughing things off onto coworkers
11:06because of a pediatrician appointment or a dance recital.
11:10I get really neurotic about putting people out.
11:15With all due respect, Nina, it won't be an issue.
11:18I can leave home at home.
11:20And it's not going to break your heart to leave those sad little faces behind.
11:23Are you kidding?
11:25This office is paradise.
11:27Grown-ups talking about grown-up things.
11:30No screaming, no vomiting, no boogers under the table.
11:34You're going to have to drag me out of here kicking and screaming.
11:37Weekends, holidays, whenever.
11:41All right, Ed wants to make the final decision, so I will bring you back tomorrow at 3 for a
11:48follow-up.
11:48Well, that sounds great. Thank you.
11:51Lynette, be early. Show me something.
11:54Okay.
11:57No way. Dad did not have a teddy bear.
11:59He most certainly did.
12:02Oh, that was too little.
12:03Your father never went anywhere without him.
12:10Here's your tea, Phyllis.
12:12Oh.
12:13Oh!
12:15Look, Bree, this was the tie that Rex wore when he graduated from prep school.
12:21I think you should wear it.
12:23You know, for the funeral.
12:27Phyllis, that's an orange tie.
12:29Well, those were his school colors, green and orange.
12:31Well, um, he's being buried in a blue suit.
12:36Maybe he could be buried in a different suit.
12:40I don't think so, but thank you, though.
12:44You, uh, you kept Dad's old comic books?
12:47Oh, yes, I kept everything.
12:49Look here.
12:52I even kept the dirty magazine that he hid under his mattress.
12:58He didn't think I knew about it, but I did.
13:04Looks like Dad was in a big brass.
13:06Oh, yes.
13:07That's why I was surprised when he married your mother.
13:19So you're just not gonna talk to me, is that it?
13:25Fine.
13:27I don't need to talk.
13:34Okay, yes, I had a little affair.
13:36It wasn't the best thing to do, and I'm not proud of it.
13:39But it's not the worst thing that could have happened.
13:40Nobody died.
13:43Oh, don't be such a martyr, Carlos.
13:46Okay, it takes two people.
13:48How many times did you go off on your little business trips and leave me alone?
13:52See, so technically you cheated, too.
13:55It's just your mistress was your work.
13:58No, okay, that was a stretch.
13:59I'm sorry.
14:00Carlos, wait, come back.
14:02Look, I wanna start over.
14:04We're gonna have a baby.
14:06Isn't that what you always wanted?
14:09Carlos, wait.
14:11I said I was sorry and I love you.
14:13What more do you want?
14:16I want a paternity test.
14:26Mrs. Applewhite, hi.
14:28I am Brie van de Camp, and this is my daughter, Danielle.
14:32Hello.
14:33Hi.
14:33Hey, I'm Matthew.
14:34This is my son.
14:35Hi.
14:36I would have been over sooner to introduce myself,
14:39but I'm afraid there's been a death in my family.
14:42My dad.
14:43I'm so sorry.
14:45I lost my dad, too.
14:46I know what you must be going through right now.
14:49Anyway, I'm afraid that my visit has an ulterior motive.
14:52The organist at our church is on vacation,
14:55and Edie Britt mentioned that you used to be a concert pianist, and...
14:59I would be honored to play for you.
15:00Why don't I bring some sheet music over later,
15:02and we can play in some selections?
15:05That's just a huge weight off my shoulders.
15:08Oh, these are for you.
15:10How sweet.
15:13Brie, we widows have to stick together.
15:17Bye.
15:28Pretending your father's dead?
15:30Don't you find that a little morbid?
15:31I just thought I could help our cover story, okay?
15:33Just, you know, win him over.
15:36Sweetie, I know you meant well.
15:40But in the future, you leave your cleverness to me.
15:55Since when are we protected by doors at security?
15:57We're not.
15:58It's a deterrent in case Zack comes back.
16:00I told Mike I didn't sleep last night, so he got me this sign.
16:03That guy is so supportive.
16:05You know he's out right now in a ride-along with the police searching for Zack?
16:09Really?
16:09Yeah.
16:10He's determined to see that kid behind bars.
16:13So tomorrow at school, I want you to let everybody know that we've got this new expensive security system.
16:17Mom, um...
16:18Just work it into the conversation.
16:19You know, put the word out there.
16:20I've got to tell you something.
16:21Emphasize the motion detectors.
16:23Mom, stop.
16:24Stop, listen.
16:24What?
16:25What is it?
16:26Yesterday, I overheard Mike telling that cop that he didn't want to press charges against Zack.
16:32He made the whole thing sound like it was your fault.
16:34My fault?
16:45Hi, uh, I need a paternity test.
16:48Well, we'll just schedule you for an exam.
16:50Oh, no, no.
16:50I don't need to take a test.
16:55I am just trying to reassure my husband of what I know is true in my heart.
17:00So if you could just slip me someone else's test results, I can make my own.
17:04I got photoshopped for Christmas.
17:09Oh, come on.
17:11You look like a fun-loving girl.
17:14I am sure you've been in a couple hairy situations of your own.
17:19Just because I choose to express myself doesn't mean that I condone adultery.
17:25Sorry.
17:28Oh, no.
17:44Paternity test results.
17:46I know.
17:48I'm in the same situation.
17:50Really?
17:51Mm-hmm.
17:52I just found out the clinic screwed up and gave me an egg that belonged to cell.
17:55lesbian it was supposed to be implanted in her lover and now my husband's
18:01freaking out because he thinks that our baby's gonna be gay okay we're in
18:08slightly different situations but do you want to get a cup of coffee and talk
18:13about it nice things girls have to stick together
18:19shouldn't let a stupid piece of paper ruin our life yeah obviously I've known Rex for
18:33years but when it comes to writing a eulogy I like as much input from the
18:38family as possible oh well um what kind of input oh he means
18:43anecdotes little stories isn't that what you mean Reverend well yes but also I
18:49thought that you might need some help so last night I stayed up all night and
18:54tried to remember funny things and moments that said so much about Rex as a
19:01person my how many pages do you have there 15
19:14well you're hardly going to have to write anything at all Reverend some of
19:18those anecdotes are just priceless Phyllis these are all things that
19:22happened to Rex before he went to college so well don't you think it'd be nice if
19:27the Reverend devoted part of the eulogy to his life after he was married oh well
19:31yes of course the Reverend will mention that part of his life he's going to do
19:36more than mention it that's the part he'll focus on in fact I think three
19:40anecdotes from Rex's childhood is more than enough that that seems fair
19:48well whatever you think is appropriate fine I just thought if we were going to
19:52focus on a time in Rex's life that we might as well focus on the happiest time
20:02let's talk flowers now I know lilies are traditional but I think I can get you a
20:07deal on some white roses Reverend if you don't call her on that incredibly
20:12insensitive comment I'm gonna lose it I'm sure she didn't mean it the way it
20:16sounded I knew exactly what I was saying ladies the happiest time in Rex's life
20:20was not his childhood he loved being a husband and he loved being a father they
20:25may have loved being a father but your marriage was a disaster Phyllis is there
20:32something you'd like to say you made the last years of Rex's life miserable and now he's dead and
20:41he'll never have another chance at happiness you are no longer invited to the funeral what you're not serious oh
20:52yes I am I am going to hire security and those security men are going to have sticks and if
20:58you so much as set foot in that sanctuary they will be instructed to beat you
21:02with those sticks
21:04three this is your grief talk reverend if you don't back me up on this so help me I
21:08will pull the funeral out of your church
21:09three I am not kidding I will go non-denominational so fast it will make your head spin
21:29Susan I heard what happened with Zach how are you doing fine is Mike here inside geez you must have
21:37been terrified I mean you put poor Felicia in the hospital did he pistol whip you no oh come on
21:43you can tell
21:44me did he slap you around no well don't get me wrong i'm thrilled that you're okay it's just
21:51that when someone holds someone else hostage they usually rough them up a little it wasn't like that
21:59oh not even a little kicking edie
22:07someone to see you well hey how's it going good so there's a rumor going around that you don't
22:12want to press charges against zach is that true yeah wow um i find that confusing look we make a
22:25big
22:25deal out of this he could end up going to prison he held a gun to my face so i'm
22:30thinking good
22:32i've been to prison he couldn't handle it who cares i care well you should care more about me i'm
22:39your
22:39girlfriend we're moving in together he's just a neighbor you don't even know zach i know enough
22:43about him to know that deep down he's a good kid mike he wanted to kill you but he didn't
22:48you never
22:49asked me why zach wanted to shoot you aren't you curious does it matter zach said you kidnapped his
22:55father so you could kill him i didn't kill paul young i didn't think you did now tell me why
23:02zach does
23:09i found some evidence that suggested that paul murdered deirdre 16 years ago deirdre had a baby
23:17and paul and mary alice young kidnapped him and raised him as their own deirdre tracked him down
23:22here to wisteria lane and demanded her baby back so paul killed her actually it was mary alice
23:31oh my god mike mike i answered your phone it's the police yeah delfino
23:42you did okay i can be there in 20 minutes
23:51sex dead
23:51you want me to come identify the body
24:12thanks for coming down since the kid's father is missing we didn't know who else to call
24:38it's not zach you're sure he had a gun in my face for six hours i know what he looks
24:44like
25:03can you give us a minute sure
25:17you're sure
25:17zach is your son isn't he yeah i'm pretty sure
25:24how long have you known paul young told me
25:29um deirdre got pregnant before i went to jail and um told me she had an abortion
25:40i guess she lied
25:42i see
25:47when i took paul out to the desert and i was so angry i just wanted to hurt him
25:54the way they hurt deirdre
25:58but then when he told me that he and mary alice had taken care of deirdre's baby
26:03my baby
26:06that rage just went away
26:13get me from doing something really stupid
26:19wow
26:24i'm gonna take a cab home okay
26:36mom grandma's leaving all right you have to talk to her no i don't if you heard the things
26:40that she said to me look i'm sure she was a real bitch okay but she's family so that makes
26:45her our
26:46so that she's a real bitch let her say goodbye to dad she went out of her way to be
26:51cruel to me
26:53i don't want her at the funeral mom if you don't let grandma come i will never forgive you
26:58did i ask for your help
27:02you know dad would want her there
27:17it's true rex and i did not have the perfect marriage but for 18 years i tried my very best
27:24and for that i am entitled to your respect
27:29of course you are
27:32of course i respect you
27:35well then why did you say those things to me
27:39i guess i thought it would be easier to be angry at you than to be angry with rex
27:47i mean what was he thinking leaving me
27:51i do want you to come to the funeral oh
28:01you don't know what that means to me brie thank you
28:10someone should get my luggage
28:17okay let's get out of here tom
28:20yeah
28:21huh
28:24what's the matter
28:25my back i threw it out i was holding parker upside down
28:31okay come on give me your feet
28:35how's that is that better
28:39can you push the interview because i don't think i'm gonna be able to take care of penny like this
28:43don't do this to me i don't have time to make a phone call and i promised that woman i
28:47would not
28:47let the kids interfere with this job but that was a stupid promise remember that time when you were
28:53away in tucson and i had 104 fever but i still managed to take the kids trick-or-treating
28:59honey i don't think that's helping
29:03tom being a mom is like being an er doctor there are no days off so get up get up
29:11out of here
29:15jeez are you crying just a little i'll be fine just go just go
29:22oh for god's sakes
29:31give him hell honey you
29:46hi mrs scavo you can wait inside they'll be right in great listen uh stew stew you look like
29:54a bright uh responsible young man and i bet you just love kids am i right
30:11ed ferrara lynette scavo thanks so much for having me in nice to meet you please sit thank you
30:19we're gonna have to make this quick i gotta leave in five to catch a plane i got celtic tickets
30:25on the
30:26floor
30:29this is a great resume i see you worked with the donahues i snaked the oslo candy account from them
30:36last year so you've done a lot of copy work i have but when i moved over to sen and
30:43simmons um i
30:45got to do a broader range of campaigns um t uh v
30:56and uh radio uh billboards
31:05could you excuse me for a minute
31:07what's going on i have no idea
31:13what's going on i have no idea
31:20hi guys i'd like you to meet penny she gives me all my best ideas you brought your baby to
31:25the interview it won't be an ongoing thing you bet it won't hey it's fine any chance we'd get the
31:30little lady to be quiet not until i change your diaper could you just give me two minutes
31:35sorry well then watch me multitask here's how i see it you guys run a really good shop but if
31:46you
31:47want your agency to go to the next level you have to focus on two things first you gotta win
31:52some awards
31:53do some psas pro bono stuff whatever it takes because whether they admit it or not clients care
32:00about what's in your trophy case two your website it's the first thing a client's gonna look at and
32:06it's hard to navigate there's no site map it just wasn't built for people who grew up without computers
32:12there and third i don't have a third yeah so that's it okay you're in seriously yeah take the office
32:28across the hall i gotta run well all right
32:40okay obviously i'm gonna clean that up here it is in black and white it's your kid
32:54what why aren't you smiling it's not enough what do you want a father's day card you knew the one
33:00thing that i demanded was fidelity and you still went out screwed around behind my back you knew the one
33:04thing i didn't want was a child and you still tricked me into getting pregnant it's not the same
33:08thing damn straight what you did was worse we're not very nice people are we no we're not ah when
33:19we
33:19got married i thought we were gonna be so happy me too look on the bright side at least we're
33:30still rich
33:42so it occurred to me
33:47that i was really rude at the morgue
33:53when you told me about zach i was so busy freaking out i
33:57i never actually congratulated you congratulated me i know how much you've always wanted a child
34:05now you have one thanks obviously it was quite a shock
34:12but it's the good news anyway you slice it
34:18what's wrong so naturally you'll be wanting to
34:23have a relationship with him and that and that takes time a lot of time
34:27susan and out of all the mixed up teenagers in the world
34:32zach is just the one
34:34kid that i can't be around
34:37i can't have julie around him
34:40so uh what i'm trying to say is
34:45we can't move in together but i am so happy for you really you have a child and that is
34:52good for
34:52you isn't there any way no no i'm i'm so sorry i'll i'll um i'll see you around
35:11you
35:12you
35:13you
35:13you
35:13you
35:14you
36:46So, as we mourn the passing of Rex Van De Camp, we give thanks to God, for we do not
36:54grieve
36:54as those who have no hope, but as those who place their trust in God.
37:15Wait!
37:18Do not close that coffin.
37:36Give me your time.
37:40Give it to her.
37:45Give it to her.
38:43You look magnificent.
39:19So it looks like Mary Alice killed Zach's birth mother in order to keep her from taking
39:24Zach away.
39:24Oh, my God.
39:27I mean, I knew Mary Alice had killed herself over something big, but wow.
39:35Can you imagine living with that guilt?
39:38Isn't it bizarre that Paul and Mary Alice had the secret all these years and we didn't even
39:43know about it?
39:44Well, not really.
39:46I mean, what do we actually know about our neighbors?
39:49And we can tell if they keep their lawns nice or they take their trash cans in.
39:53But when they do those things, we stop asking questions because people are good neighbors.
40:00We don't really care what happens behind closed doors.
40:05It had been one year since my suicide.
40:08Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
40:10And a lot had changed on Wisteria Lane.
40:14There were new flowers, new houses, and new neighbors.
40:20The kind anyone would want living right next door.
40:30Is that another hymn?
40:32I know.
40:33It's silly.
40:34Playing those songs today at the funeral just got me in the mood.
40:38This is your grandmother's favorite.
40:41Did you remember butter?
40:43I make up this tray every night.
40:45Of course you do.
40:46I'm sorry.
40:49Oh, look.
40:50You added a flower.
40:53Thought it'd be nice.
40:57How did I get so lucky to have a child like you?
41:01You really do try to think of others.
41:03That flower.
41:04It's a small act of kindness you thought no one would notice, and yet you did it anyway.
41:09It says a lot about how you were raised.
41:13Well, I guess you did your job.
41:15I guess so.
41:24I'll get the tray.
41:26You take the gun.
41:42You came down.
42:01Look, make sure it was literally a good meal.
42:02That went enough to dinner for a walk.
42:02You already knew it, you would get dinner.
42:02You didn't take the time to dinner in the house.
42:03Bye.
42:03I'm sorry.
42:03I'm sorry.
42:04I'm not going to be a nice day.
42:04You don't have a good meal.
42:04I'm not going to be a good meal.
42:05I don't want to be a nice day or a good meal.
42:08I don't want to be a bad meal.
42:14It really is a lovely gesture.
Comments