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مسلسل Community مترجم - Episode 1
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00:03Good morning. Many of you are halfway through your first week here at Greendale and as your Dean.
00:11I thought I would share a few thoughts of wisdom and inspiration.
00:16What is community college? Well, you've heard all kinds of things.
00:21You've heard it's loser college for remedial teens, 20-something dropouts,
00:27middle-aged divorcees, and old people keeping their minds active as they circle the drain of eternity.
00:36That's what you've heard. However, I wish you luck!
00:45Okay, you know, uh-oh.
00:47Okay, there's more to this speech. There's actually a middle card that is missing.
00:50Can we all look around our immediate areas? Because I really wanted to...
00:53I'm only half Arabic, actually. My dad is Palestinian.
00:55I mean, he's a U.S. citizen. He's not a threat to national security or anything.
00:57A lot of people want to know that after they meet him because he has an angry energy.
01:00But not like angry at America, just angry at my mom for leaving him.
01:02Although, she did leave because he was angry, and he was angry because she's American.
01:05My name's Abed, by the way.
01:07Abed, uh, nice to know you and then meet you in that order.
01:10Now, about that question that I had?
01:12Oh, uh, five after eleven when you asked.
01:15Abed. Yeah.
01:17What's the deal with the hot girl from Spanish class?
01:19I can't find a row in there.
01:21Well, I only talked to her once while she was borrowing a pencil, but...
01:24Her name is Britta. She's 28. Birthday in October.
01:26She has two older brothers, and one of them works with children who have a disorder I might want to
01:29look up.
01:29Oh, and she thinks she's gonna flunk tomorrow's test, so she really needs to focus, and she's sorry if that
01:32makes her seem cold.
01:34Holy crap.
01:37Abed, I see your value now.
01:42That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
01:45Jeff Winger. Genius at law.
01:48Gotta stop saying that.
01:49I will never do that. Sit down. Sit down.
01:53So, what is my lawyer doing here?
01:56I'm a student.
01:58Well, that cannot be an inspiring journey.
02:00Uh, I... I am in a bit of a jam.
02:02The-the state bar has suspended my license.
02:06Uh, they found out my college degree was less than legitimate.
02:09Wow, I thought you had a bachelor's from Columbia.
02:11And now I have to get one from America.
02:13Ooh.
02:14And it can't be an email attachment.
02:16Well, you've picked a fine school.
02:18Yes, and I'm hoping that our friendship will yield certain advantages.
02:23You know, academic guidance, moral support, every answer to every test for every one of the classes that I'm taking.
02:31Uh, here's my schedule.
02:32No. Now, Jeff, just by asking that, you have insulted the integrity of this entire institution.
02:37Oi!
02:38Waster!
02:39Not a bathroom.
02:40Not-not a bathroom.
02:41Okay.
02:42Duncan, you did seem less into integrity the day that I convinced twelve of your peers that when you made
02:48that U-turn on the freeway and tried to order chalupas from the emergency call box, that your only real
02:54crime was loving America.
02:57I'll look into it.
02:59Duncan.
03:00You are a good man.
03:02Jeff, are you familiar with the adage, cheaters never prosper?
03:06No.
03:07And if I wanted to learn something, I wouldn't have come to community college.
03:12I'll be right back.
03:13Maybe.
03:25And my favorite part is I'm pretty good.
03:25I'm pretty good.
03:39Right now.
03:41Oh, hey, Spanish.
03:42Yeah, don't hit on me, okay?
03:44Whoa.
03:44Uh, I wouldn't dream of it.
03:46I just wanted to let you know about my Spanish study group.
03:51Oh, whoa, whoa.
03:52The guy who's playing bejeweled on his iPhone all class has a study group?
03:56Um, can I sign up twice?
03:58I'm taking the classes on easy credit.
03:59I'm actually a Spanish tutor, board certified.
04:03Can you say that in Spanish now?
04:05Duermo tarde, Espanol.
04:07Uno hora más, no rear mi coche.
04:12I really need help with Spanish.
04:14Yeah, I was willing to bet.
04:15I'm Jeff, or Jefe.
04:17We meet at the library at four.
04:18Yeah, Britta, thanks.
04:25Bienvenido, bienvenido, bienvenido.
04:29Bienvenuto!
04:29Hey, all right, come on in.
04:31Yeah.
04:32I rented the table.
04:33Yeah, here's the, uh, contact sheet.
04:37Just put your stuff there.
04:37That's, man.
04:41The rest of the group is running late.
04:43But you and I can get acquainted.
04:45You may have noticed this morning, not so good at the small talk.
04:48Yeah, I like big talk.
04:49What's your deal?
04:50That's not small talk?
04:51What's your deal, and is God dead?
04:54All right, you want to know my deal?
04:55Mm.
04:55My deal is, above all else, honesty.
04:59Honesty?
04:59Yeah.
05:00You tell me the truth, I will like you.
05:02You lie to me, I will never talk to you again.
05:04That's my deal.
05:05That's a good deal.
05:06So what's your deal?
05:07Uh, I would have to go, I would have to say, um, honesty.
05:14Because, uh, I would say anything to get what I want, and I, I want you to like me.
05:19So, uh.
05:21Wow.
05:22That's a very honest answer.
05:24All right.
05:25For now, I like you fine.
05:26Really?
05:27What?
05:27You're easy.
05:28Hell yeah.
05:30Oven!
05:30In the house!
05:32Woo!
05:32Woo!
05:33Woo!
05:34Woo!
05:34Why?
05:35Oh, Brittany invited me.
05:36Is that cool?
05:37Oh, I can't think of a single logical reason why not.
05:40Cool.
05:40There you go.
05:41Oh, hey, here.
05:43Info down right there.
05:44That's great.
05:44Cool.
05:45Cool.
05:45Cool.
05:46Cool, cool, cool.
05:48Hey, this is kind of like Breakfast Club, huh?
05:51We are in a library.
05:52Yeah, and I'm sure we've each got an issue balled up inside of us that would make us cry if
05:55we talked about it.
05:56Do you have something balled up inside of you?
05:58Well, I get a little doozy in the chamber if things get emotional.
06:03Oh.
06:03Hey, text message.
06:05Let's give this bad boy a read.
06:07All right, they're, they're, it's probably, you just, just for your own.
06:09Say you have to pee.
06:10I need to talk to you.
06:12Say you have to pee.
06:13That is weird.
06:14Do you have to pee?
06:15No.
06:16Hmm.
06:16That's so weird.
06:17Well, I'm stumped.
06:18That's very creepy.
06:19That makes two of us.
06:21What's that?
06:22Does it say you have to pee?
06:23No, it's just someone with a misguided grasp.
06:27Abbreviation.
06:27I just need five minutes, you guys.
06:29So go ahead and study all the, uh, verbs in, in Spanish.
06:34Spanish.
06:36Suppose I was to say to you, it was possible to get those test answers.
06:40I would say go for that.
06:42Ann could have said so in a text.
06:43I'm asking you if you know the difference between right and wrong.
06:47I discovered at a very early age that if I talk long enough, I could make anything right
06:52or wrong.
06:52So, either I'm God or truth is relative.
06:56And in either case, booyah.
06:57Oh, interesting.
06:58It's just the average person has a much harder time saying booyah to moral relativism.
07:03Duncan, you don't have to play shrink to protect your pride.
07:05I accept your chickens.
07:07I'm a professor.
07:08You can't talk to me that way.
07:09A six-year-old girl could talk to you that way.
07:11Yeah, because that would be adorable.
07:13No, because you're a five-year-old girl and there's a pecking order.
07:16Fine, I'll do it.
07:18Yeah, pleasure.
07:20Bye.
07:21Yes.
07:22Good.
07:23Why am I still shouting?
07:25I'm drawing attention to myself.
07:26You guys aren't going to believe this, but the rest of the group...
07:31is here.
07:32Are you the board-certified tutor?
07:34That means you do my homework, right, Seacrest?
07:36I need to call my babysitter if we're going to be later than 10.
07:39What board certifies a tutor?
07:40Where's Britta?
07:41Not sure, but I invited more people from Spanish class.
07:43Is that cool?
07:44It's the coolest.
07:47I'm going to go to the bathroom and bring my jacket and wallet and keys with me in case
07:55there's a fire.
07:58Should we go with them?
07:59I'm going to leave my home with a slummed-up millionaire.
08:00That's a borderline racist, I think.
08:07And busted.
08:09Uh, listen.
08:10Now you know.
08:10I'm a smoker.
08:13Yeah, but they're filtered, so that makes them safe.
08:15You ready to get started?
08:16Looks like the rest of your group showed up.
08:18Yeah, not mine, actually.
08:19I think Abed took out a page on Craigslist.
08:21And I was trained never to say this, but I think that group may be untutorable.
08:26Oh, really?
08:27So, uh, why don't you and I go study over some...
08:29Dinner?
08:30Or drinks.
08:31I think actually we should prioritize here and study first and then go to dinner.
08:37And if they really prove to be untutorable, we'll slip out early.
08:41Oh, they will be untutorable.
08:55All right.
08:56Look at this crew.
08:58All ready to study all night.
09:01Well, I can stay at least till 10.
09:02But who studies with strangers, right?
09:05My name is Jeff.
09:07Jeff, it's a pleasure.
09:08My name is Pierce Hawthorne, and yes, that is Hawthorne, as in Hawthorne wipes the award-winning
09:13moist talent.
09:14I was just going to ask.
09:15I'm also a Toastmaster, so perhaps I should do the introduction.
09:18Definitely.
09:18All right.
09:18You already know Brittles.
09:19Britta?
09:20Uh, Abed the Arab.
09:21Is that inappropriate?
09:22Sure.
09:23Roy.
09:24Roy the Wonderboy.
09:25Troy.
09:25Little Princess Elizabeth.
09:27Annie.
09:28And finally, this beautiful creature, his name's Shirley.
09:31Is that even close?
09:33I'd like to know why I had to find out about this group on accident.
09:36Well, this is getting way more like Breakfast Club now.
09:38There's breakfast?
09:38Okay.
09:39Um, maybe we should get to...
09:40You know, I've been a part of a lot of study groups that fell apart because of unresolved
09:44tension.
09:45Shouldn't we address Annie's concern?
09:47Did we not invite her?
09:48Well, Annie, sweetie, it's not behind your back.
09:49We just didn't really think about you.
09:50Can we stop with the pumpkins and the sweeties?
09:52Being younger does not make me inferior.
09:54If anything, your age indicates that you've made bad life decisions.
09:58Shirley has a response to that.
09:59No, no, no.
10:00No, don't.
10:00Shirley looks like you do.
10:01You fool her.
10:01Okay, okay.
10:03Um, I'm sure I've made some bad life decisions.
10:07And maybe Annie's decisions will be better.
10:09Um, but I think she needs to decide whether she wants to be considered a child or an adult
10:14because children get pity, but not respect.
10:17And adults, they get respect, but they also get the back of their head grabbing their face,
10:21pushing through jukeboxes.
10:22Okay, why don't we try learning jukebox in Spanish?
10:26What are you doing?
10:26Pierce!
10:27Let's discuss this creepiness.
10:29Pardon you?
10:29What are you doing?
10:30I'm certified.
10:31Are you unaware that Shirley finds your advances inappropriate?
10:37What advances?
10:38You have been sexually harassing me since the very first day of class.
10:41Sexually harassing?
10:43What?
10:44That makes no sense to me.
10:45Why would I harass somebody who turns me on?
10:48Saying she turns you on is the harassment, dude.
10:53Hey, I'm a prominent business leader and a highly sought-after dinner guest,
10:57and I will not take courting advice from some teenage boy.
11:00Well, this teenage boy is a quarterback and a prom king.
11:04You're not prom king anymore, Troy.
11:06This isn't Riverside High.
11:07How'd you know I went there?
11:09Because you're still wearing your stupid letter jacket.
11:13Well, you're that girl that got hooked on pills and then dropped out.
11:16You're little Annie Adderall.
11:17And you're a stupid jock who lost his scholarship by dislocating both shoulders in a keg stand.
11:23Keg flip.
11:24They're very hard to pull off.
11:25Don't talk to me about it.
11:26You don't know.
11:27I'm a little.
11:28I don't know.
11:28I wasn't there, but I heard.
11:31I'll just make it a lot.
11:33You know what I got for Christmas?
11:36It was a banner year at the Bender family.
11:39I got a carton of cigarettes.
11:41The old man grabbed me.
11:42He said, hey, smoke up, Johnny.
11:46No, Dad.
11:47What about you?
11:53Well, that actually was from the breakfast club.
11:57Nobody puts baby in the corner.
12:00Dirty dancing.
12:02Hello?
12:03It's Professor Duncan.
12:04Come to the parking lot now.
12:06What's wrong with your voice?
12:08I'm disguising it.
12:11I'll be right back.
12:13But while I'm gone, you guys need to hash this stuff out.
12:16No stone unturned.
12:18Go.
12:19What is that?
12:20I can't feel my face.
12:21Why are you asking?
12:22I can't feel my face.
12:23I can't feel my face.
12:25Every answer to every test in your curriculum this semester.
12:29I knew you could do it, buddy.
12:31Whoa there, grabby grabby.
12:34What do I get?
12:35The satisfaction of being even.
12:37Even, fairness, right, wrong.
12:39There is no God.
12:40Booyah, booyah.
12:41What do you want from me?
12:43Your Lexus.
12:44My car.
12:44For a semester's worth of answers.
12:46Will it be just a semester, though, Jeff?
12:48Won't you be taking the easy way out for the next four years?
12:52I want payment in advance.
12:54I want leather seats with built-in ball warmers.
12:56You know, bluffs this week are how your people lost the colonies.
13:00Have a nice disbarment hearing.
13:04What am I supposed to drive?
13:05Oh, you should take this car.
13:06It's good for the earth.
13:07You're supposed to wipe on your butt with a leaf,
13:08but it's not how a man gets around.
13:17Golf carton.
13:24It is a disaster in there.
13:26Yeah, untutorable.
13:27Do you like Thai food?
13:28I love Thai food.
13:29Wait, so this is a game to you?
13:32You put human beings into a state of emotional shambles
13:35for a shot at getting in my pants?
13:36Why can't you see that for the compliment that it is?
13:39You're unbelievable.
13:40What do you want me to do?
13:41Oh, maybe one decent thing could be to go in there
13:43and clean up your mess.
13:45Okay, I'm the Barack Obama of the world.
13:48Okay, if I do that, then dinner, right?
13:54Yeah, fine, whatever.
13:56As if there's a dinner on earth that could make me forget.
13:58You are a shallow douchebag.
14:00Well, you're gonna eat those words when you see my new car.
14:08All right, everybody!
14:10I want to say something.
14:11Everybody sit down.
14:13You don't have to yell.
14:14We'll talk.
14:17You know what makes humans different from other animals?
14:19Feet.
14:21No, no, no.
14:21Come on, bears have feet.
14:23We're the only species on earth
14:25that observes shark week.
14:27Sharks don't even observe shark week,
14:29but we do.
14:31For the same reason,
14:32I can pick up this pencil,
14:33tell you its name is Steve,
14:34and go like this.
14:36And part of you dies.
14:38Just a little bit on the inside.
14:40Because people can connect with anything.
14:43We can sympathize with a pencil,
14:45we can forgive a shark,
14:46and we can give Ben Affleck
14:48an Academy Award for screenwriting.
14:51People can find the good
14:52in just about anything but themselves.
14:55Look at me.
14:56It's clear to all of you that I am awesome.
14:58But I can never admit that
15:00because that would make me an ass.
15:02But what I can do
15:02is see what makes Annie awesome.
15:05She's driven.
15:06We need driven people
15:07or the lights go out
15:08and the ice cream melts.
15:09And Pierce.
15:10We need guys like Pierce.
15:12This guy has wisdom to offer.
15:15The Dalai Lama and I...
15:15We should listen to him sometime.
15:17We wouldn't regret it.
15:18And Shirley.
15:20Shirley has earned our respect.
15:22Not as a wife,
15:22not as a mother,
15:23but as a woman.
15:25And don't test her on that
15:26because that thing about the jukebox
15:27was way too specific to be improvised.
15:30And Troy.
15:31Who cares if Troy thinks he's all that?
15:34Maybe he is.
15:35And Abed.
15:37Abed's a shaman.
15:38You ask him to pass the salt,
15:40he gives you a bowl of soup.
15:42Because you know what?
15:43Soup is better.
15:45Abed is better.
15:46You are all better
15:47than you think you are.
15:49You are just designed not to believe it
15:51when you hear it from yourself.
15:52Soup?
15:53I want you to look to the person
15:54to your left.
15:57Sorry.
15:58Look at the person sitting next to you.
16:00Look at her.
16:00Okay.
16:01Yeah.
16:02I want you to extend to that person
16:05the same compassion
16:07that you extend to Sharks,
16:08Pencils,
16:09and Ben Affleck.
16:10I want you to say to that person,
16:12I forgive you.
16:14I forgive you.
16:15I forgive you.
16:15I forgive you.
16:16I forgive you.
16:17I forgive you.
16:17A little twerk.
16:18I really do.
16:18Pierce,
16:19I'd like you to say I forgive you.
16:21You didn't say it?
16:23I forgive you.
16:24You've just stopped
16:25being a study group.
16:26You've become something
16:28unstoppable.
16:30I hereby pronounce you
16:32a community.
16:34Oh, that's nice.
16:36I like it.
16:38This isn't like
16:38Breakfast Club anymore.
16:39Now it's like stripes or meatballs,
16:41anything with Bill Murray, really.
16:42I agree with Abed
16:43that tonight has been very special.
16:45And now,
16:46if you'll excuse me,
16:47I have a dinner engagement
16:48with Britta.
16:50Britta?
16:51I lied.
16:53Thanks for calming everyone down,
16:55but since you're not
16:56a Spanish tutor,
16:57just a lying creep
16:58who purposely upset everyone
17:00in an attempt to get with me,
17:01I'd appreciate it
17:02if you left
17:03and stopped wasting
17:04all of our time.
17:05Everybody ready?
17:06Fine.
17:07And I'm happy to report
17:09that one of the benefits
17:11of being a lying creep
17:12is having all the answers
17:14to tomorrow's test.
17:16And I'm happy to share them
17:18with anyone whose time
17:19I've wasted
17:19more than they wasted mine.
17:21Uh, Jeff,
17:22if you have all the answers,
17:24why the hell
17:24did you start this study group?
17:26I don't have a study group, Pierce.
17:27I made it up.
17:28What about the look left speech?
17:29Made it up.
17:30That's what I do.
17:30I make things up,
17:32and I got paid
17:33a lot of money to do it
17:34before I came
17:35to this school-shaped toilet.
17:37I was a lawyer.
17:41You know, I thought you were
17:42like Bill Murray
17:42in any of his films,
17:43but you're more like
17:44Michael Douglas
17:44in any of his films.
17:45Yeah?
17:45Yeah.
17:46Well, you have Asperger's.
17:52Asperger.
17:53It's a serious disorder.
17:54It really is.
17:55So serious.
17:56Why don't they call it meningitis?
17:58Yeah.
18:00Asperger.
18:01Asperger for your ass.
18:23Jeffery, before you say anything,
18:24you may want to think
18:25about the gift you've been given.
18:26An excuse to punch a hippie?
18:28No.
18:28No, not that.
18:29An important lesson, my friend.
18:31Is he?
18:32The tools you acquire
18:33to survive out there
18:34will not help you
18:35here at Greendale.
18:36What you have, my friend,
18:38is a second chance
18:39at an honest life.
18:40Give me my keys.
18:41What? No.
18:42I have to keep your car.
18:43Don't hit me.
18:44Please don't hit me.
18:45Jeffery?
18:46Jeffery?
18:47Are we cool?
18:50Are we cool?
18:53I like you, Jeffery.
18:56You remind me of myself
18:58at your age.
19:00I deserve that.
19:01You know,
19:03I've been divorced
19:06seven times.
19:08Sometimes I think
19:09I'm doing something wrong.
19:16You keep getting married.
19:19I never looked at it that way.
19:24Shouldn't you guys be studying?
19:26Yeah, things got kind of boring
19:28after you left.
19:29Wouldn't you be rolling around
19:31on a bed covered in test answers?
19:38I don't have any of the answers.
19:40I'm going to flunk the test.
19:42You just, like, study for, like, an hour.
19:44It's not that hard.
19:45You seem pretty smart.
19:46You got a sports coat.
19:47Well, the funny thing about being smart
19:50is that you can get through most of life
19:52without ever having to do any work.
19:54So, uh,
19:56I'm not really sure how to do that.
20:10What's going on?
20:11Can you guys hear me?
20:12Am I deaf?
20:13Can you hear me talking right now?
20:14Yes?
20:15That's good.
20:18You know what?
20:19Jeff, actually,
20:21we didn't get that far without you.
20:22So, if you want to come back upstairs, I...
20:28Really?
20:30Well, it is your study group, so...
20:32Come on, let's study.
20:34Sounds good.
20:35Depression.
20:46I'm sorry I called you Michael Douglas,
20:47and I see your value now.
20:51Well, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
21:44I'm sorry I said to you Michael Douglas.
21:48You should find a good friend of mine.
21:50So, you're going to get a good friend of yours.
21:52Well, I see what you're doing
21:53in the future.
21:53I haven't seen your name in Bangkok all of my friends.
21:53So, my company knows that you're doing
21:53the same thing you're asking.
21:54I was, by the way I've been to her,
21:54even if I live on a lifestyle too.
21:54And I like to go on.
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