- 1 day ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00What do you want to know?
00:05I've seen a clock calculator in one, so that's free.
00:14Oh, here we go.
00:18Sorry.
00:18Hello, Dave, it's Paul Shepard here. Can you give us a call?
00:21No.
00:23Dave, it's Julian. Can you give us a ring, please?
00:26Go away.
00:27Good bloke. Good laugh.
00:28Dave, it's Paul again, I think.
00:30Leave me alone.
00:36It's fine. It's fine, that one.
00:39That's okay. It doesn't matter.
00:41They're my...
00:42That's the old office.
00:44So, let's get you started.
00:49No one is going to lose their jobs.
00:52Yes, head office are talking of downsizing,
00:55but they've said clearly that the most efficient branch will incorporate the other one.
01:00We are the most efficient branch.
01:02Cogito ergo sum will be fine.
01:04So, why should they be worried?
01:06Yeah?
01:07They trust me implicitly.
01:09I've said there's not going to be redundancies.
01:10So that becomes gospel.
01:12Unconditional trust.
01:13It's nice.
01:14You know, mutual, likewise reciprocated.
01:16My only worry is that the powers that be don't come down here and pop their head around the door
01:21with their rule book and go,
01:24Oh, hold on.
01:25What's going on here?
01:26These people are mucking around, right?
01:27Whilst getting the job done, they're having a laugh at work with a sword of Damocles hanging over them.
01:33Right?
01:33This isn't in the rule book.
01:34Who's in charge here?
01:35Guilty.
01:36Get a new rule book.
01:37Alright?
01:39It works with the turtle.
01:41Which is...
01:42Okay.
01:43Good.
01:44Finally, this young lady is Donna.
01:48Daughter of my best friends, Ron and Elaine.
01:51She's lodging with me.
01:52So she's my responsibility.
01:53And her dad's not only a copper, but he's a bloody big bugger, isn't he?
01:57So, hands off.
01:59I've got something she could take down in evidence.
02:01Oh, don't worry about this.
02:02Do you want to receive some swollen goods?
02:06Wouldn't mind escaping up her tunnel.
02:08Get out.
02:11Get out.
02:12I mean it.
02:21It's a shame.
02:30I will not have her tunnel banded around this office willy-nilly.
02:40Okay.
02:45Okay, I'll put her to settle in.
02:46If you do have any trouble from the men, what shall you do?
02:49Dawn?
02:50Keep them in the balls.
02:51Oh, feminist.
02:53Get your bra off.
02:54Do you want to go out as well?
02:54Sorry, burn your bra, but feminist.
02:56Good point.
02:57Yeah.
02:58Obviously keep a t-shirt on, like Charlie Timmer.
03:00Okay.
03:01Women's livers.
03:02That's it.
03:04Okay.
03:13I'll just touch her.
03:15I'm not sure.
03:24I'm just gonna...
03:26I'm just gonna...
03:26I'm just...
03:26I'm just gonna...
03:31I'm just gonna...
03:32What are you doing?
03:33What are you doing?
03:34That's ridiculous.
03:38Hello, Werner Hogg.
03:41Yeah, hang on a minute, I'll just put you through.
03:43That is your meeting.
03:46You've met this lot.
03:48This is Gareth, who you saw in the meeting.
03:51Formal introductions.
03:54Hi, Gareth.
03:55Welcome.
03:56Just a handshake, that's fine.
03:57And Ricky.
03:58Hi.
03:59Nice to meet you.
04:00Even longer.
04:02Tim.
04:03Hello.
04:03Good.
04:05OK.
04:06Settle her in.
04:07Get her started.
04:07Show her the phones and everything.
04:09But first, we think the lady does need a chair.
04:11Sit down, Oliver.
04:13Maybe she should sit down here, then I could teach her the ropes.
04:17See, that's my responsibility as the team leader.
04:20David, I'm just saying, maybe...
04:23When people say, oh, would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss,
04:29my answer's always the same.
04:31To me, they're not mutually exclusive.
04:33There's...
04:33There's a weight of intellect behind my comedy.
04:36Yeah?
04:37If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn't say, um, Einstein, Newton.
04:43You know, I'd go, Milligan, Cleese, Everett.
04:47Sessions.
04:54Gareth, have you got a licence to carry that?
04:56Mm-hm.
04:57Portable phone.
04:59All right.
05:00Can you swap places with Donna, please?
05:02No.
05:03I'm not moving.
05:04Do as you're told.
05:06Why, what are you going to do?
05:07Phone me.
05:09I'm team leader.
05:10I don't give up.
05:12You're so immature.
05:13If there's one thing that I am not, it is immature.
05:18Immature a little totter.
05:24Dareth Keenum.
05:25Cock.
05:28David, I was just saying to Tim...
05:32Oh, okay.
05:33Do it.
05:34Gun holster.
05:35Just my portable telephone.
05:36I was just saying to Tim, maybe...
05:38Oh, okay, sorry.
05:38I just thought, sorry.
05:39I just thought, sorry.
05:42I know what you're thinking.
05:43Did I make five or six cars?
05:49The question is, do you feel lucky, punk?
05:52Well, do ya?
05:53I think this would.
05:54Spot on.
05:57Let's let him get on with it.
05:59Okay.
06:01We're all online here, hooked up to the World Wide Web.
06:07Internet.
06:08No shopping.
06:08Oh.
06:09All right.
06:11Everyone's got e-mail.
06:13Have you used e-mail before?
06:14Yeah.
06:15Yeah, it's easy, innit?
06:17I've just got a show on here.
06:18Oh, you've got a new one.
06:19Oh, you do there.
06:20See what it says, new mail.
06:21Just go there, just click on that.
06:23Ah.
06:24No.
06:26That's...
06:26Yeah.
06:27It's not funny, because...
06:29Donna should not have to see me as a woman with two men doing that all over me.
06:33You've got nice boobs.
06:35No, it's just not.
06:35It's just my head.
06:36They just put it on there to...
06:39Who else has seen this filth?
06:41You know what I'm talking about?
06:42Who else has seen this filth?
06:49You haven't even got e-mail, Joan.
06:51Someone printed it out for me.
06:54Who printed this out for Joan?
06:59Well...
07:00I'm angry.
07:01And not because I'm in it.
07:04But because it degrades women.
07:07Which I hate.
07:09And the culprit, whoever he is, is in this room.
07:13Or she.
07:14It could be a woman.
07:15Women are as filthy as men.
07:17Naming no names.
07:18I don't know any.
07:19But women are dirty.
07:25Good friend of mine, and a bloody good rep.
07:27Chris Finch.
07:28Yeah?
07:29IQ of 142.
07:31One of the cleverest blokes I know.
07:32Certainly the cleverest bloke you know, isn't he?
07:33Chris Finch, yeah.
07:34Yeah.
07:35He was in an argument once, and he went,
07:36How can I hate women?
07:38My mum's one.
07:42Yeah?
07:43There's a lot of truth in that.
07:44And that's why when I see rubbish, I'm not annoyed because I'm in it or I'm a prude.
07:51It offends women.
07:53And our mums.
07:54In a way.
07:56It's sexist.
07:57And I hate that.
07:58So do I.
07:59Yeah, but I've said it, haven't I?
08:00Well, we've both said it.
08:01We've had meetings where we both said it.
08:02But, you know, I really hate it.
08:04Yeah.
08:04Whatever we say.
08:05The point is this.
08:07Yeah?
08:08We've got access to the internet.
08:09Yeah?
08:10But it is not censored.
08:11Is that a good or bad thing?
08:12Bad.
08:13Well, it's not for us to say.
08:14Yeah.
08:15All I know is I can type in sex fetish.
08:20Yeah?
08:21It takes a little while.
08:242,230 matches.
08:26Yeah?
08:27Just click on one at random.
08:30Ah, I see.
08:32Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs.
08:34Now, you do not punish someone, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs.
08:38If anything, they should be rewarded.
08:39They should be equal.
08:41Women are equal.
08:41I've always said that, so...
08:45Do you want to play with my hair?
08:47Huh?
08:47Do you want to play with my hair?
08:48Play with your hair.
08:49All right, then.
08:52I've got kind of...
08:54Mmm.
08:54It's a hot hand, sorry.
08:56You're fine.
08:56Just don't touch my head.
09:00Yeah.
09:01All it is...
09:03Oh, what?
09:06Donna.
09:07Yeah?
09:08My responsibility.
09:10Away from home.
09:11I know boys will be boys.
09:14Word from the top is...
09:15Hands off.
09:16Yeah.
09:17Out of bounds.
09:19Look, but don't touch.
09:20What do you mean by look?
09:22Talk to her.
09:23Be friendly.
09:24Don't get any ideas.
09:25Yeah.
09:25Good.
09:27Fine.
09:30What if she's up for it?
09:33You want to get some of this sorted out, maybe?
09:35What can we play now?
09:36I don't know.
09:37Ask around.
09:38Find out who did the picture.
09:40Yes.
09:40Discreetly.
09:41Under cover.
09:42Well, don't go, you know, steaming in, accusing people.
09:46Okay?
09:46Mm-hm.
09:47No, I'm, er...
09:48I'm trained in this.
09:49When I was in the army.
09:50Territorial.
09:51Territorial army.
09:52Yeah, whatever.
09:53Okay?
09:54Okay.
09:55I will need some stuff.
09:57Like what?
09:58An office.
10:00Er, we'll use the meeting room for now.
10:02Right.
10:02I can say it's my office, can I?
10:04What?
10:05I can say to people, come into my office.
10:08Well, while you're doing this, yeah.
10:10Right.
10:11I'll make a sign.
10:12You don't need to make a sign.
10:13Mm-hm.
10:14Well, and if I need the meeting room for a meeting again, it's the meeting room again, so...
10:17Right.
10:18I'll take the sign down.
10:19Don't need to make a sign.
10:20Well...
10:20Well, don't make a sign.
10:23Gareth Keenan.
10:24No.
10:25Who's that?
10:26Come on.
10:27No, I'm sorry.
10:34Sorry I got the wrong there.
10:35Hi.
10:36That's that.
10:37Yeah.
10:37You go left, you go right.
10:39Kick.
10:40It's...
10:41Yeah, but I never said that one.
10:43You were doing his body ripper.
10:44No, I was doing it.
10:45No, no, no, no.
10:45No, no, no.
10:45No, no, no, no.
10:46No, no, no, no.
10:46No, no, no, no.
10:46No, no, no, no.
10:46No, no, no, no, no.
10:47No, no, no, no, no.
10:48No, no, no, no.
10:48No, no, no, no.
10:51I think he didn't smash a superstar, but are you saying that facts yet?
10:57Have you heard, erm...
10:58Oh, have you heard, erm...
10:59Michael Jackson's new song he's doing?
11:00He's teamed up with West Ham football team, apparently.
11:03Yeah.
11:04Doing on forever blowing bubbles.
11:09It's a chimp.
11:10She's not a football.
11:12I don't like her.
11:14Have you heard, erm...
11:16George Michael's latest release?
11:17No.
11:17No, George Michael's latest release.
11:20Is it bad blowjobs?
11:21Yeah, there's a thing in the toilet.
11:21It was a handjob.
11:22Is it, wank me off before you go-go?
11:28Um...
11:30Er...
11:30What's white and slides down toilet walls?
11:33I don't know.
11:34Michael Jackson's latest release.
11:35George Michael's.
11:36Yeah.
11:38It was good, isn't it?
11:39Oh.
11:40Can you moonwalk?
11:41Probably not anymore.
11:42Can we go?
11:43Yeah.
11:43It's just...
11:44No, you can't.
11:45No, not on this, though.
11:46You can't do on this.
11:47Give me on a...
11:48Oh, yeah, I know.
11:49All that stuff as well.
11:51Oh, yeah.
11:51The, er...
11:53All that sort of stuff, yeah.
11:54Just like complete control of the body.
11:56And it's all that now, isn't it?
11:57Yeah, I know.
11:57It's all...
11:58Busy.
11:59Yeah, just, er...
12:00Keeping up the morale.
12:01Can we have a chat?
12:02Yeah.
12:03Sorry.
12:06Oh!
12:11Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith.
12:13Thanks for coming in.
12:14Erm...
12:15Now, you know what this is about.
12:17Obviously, you've seen the picture.
12:18You know, David on...
12:19I saw it.
12:20I saw it.
12:20Yeah.
12:21And we've all had a bit of a laugh about it, haven't we?
12:23It's funny.
12:24Yeah.
12:24There's a time when the joke has to stop, though.
12:28Erm...
12:28Not only is it derogatory,
12:30David has trusted me with this because...
12:33Not only have I got people skills,
12:35But...
12:36I am trained in covert operations.
12:39You know the phrase,
12:40Softly, softly, catchy monkey?
12:43I could catch a monkey.
12:44If I was starving, I could.
12:46I'd make poison darts out of the poison off of deadly frogs.
12:49One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey.
12:52Or a man.
12:54Prick yourself, you'll be dead within a day.
12:56Or longer.
12:58Different frogs, different times.
13:00Do you know who done the picture?
13:02Yeah.
13:04No, I mean, no.
13:07Right.
13:07Your first answer was yeah, wasn't it?
13:11I meant no.
13:12Well, where did you get...?
13:14I don't know.
13:15Am I making you nervous?
13:18No.
13:18No.
13:19I mean, yeah.
13:20Hmm, that's interesting.
13:22I've just spent two days in Swindon with Neil,
13:25And he's made some big changes.
13:26Now, when we spoke on Friday,
13:28You said you were going to instigate some changes of your own.
13:30I just wondered how that was going.
13:33Great.
13:33Good.
13:34What have you done?
13:37Changed many things, really.
13:38In a global sense,
13:40Streamlining the whole ongoing enterprise of it.
13:43I'm sorry, David.
13:44That sounds like management speak to me,
13:45And I know you hate that.
13:46Yeah, I do.
13:48So...
13:48Well, can you give me, let's say,
13:49Five practical changes that you've actually made?
13:52Five specific changes?
13:53Hmm.
13:54I'll give you three,
13:55And then another two if you need them.
13:57Okay.
14:00Efficiency,
14:01Turnover,
14:03Profitability.
14:03I'm sorry, David.
14:04That still sounds like management speak.
14:05No.
14:06Because...
14:07You hate that?
14:09Shall I tell you what Neil's done?
14:10Can do.
14:12He's frozen any wage increases,
14:13He's put a stop on all overtime,
14:15And any purchases of £100 or more now go through him.
14:18A hundred?
14:19Hmm.
14:19I was going to make it nightly, but a hundred's alright.
14:21And he has started making redundancies, David.
14:24That's only four.
14:25Yeah, whatever, David.
14:26Have you made any redundancies?
14:28I gave a speech, only this morning,
14:30To my staff assuring them there would not be cutbacks at this branch,
14:32And that there certainly wouldn't be redundancies, so...
14:34Well, why on earth would you do that?
14:36Why?
14:36Oh, I don't know.
14:38A little word that I think's important in management called morale.
14:41Well, surely it's going to be worse for morale in the long run,
14:43When there are redundancies and you've told people that there won't be.
14:50They won't remember.
14:55This one?
14:56Oh, that way.
14:57Ooh!
14:58Yeah, I know.
14:59Like that.
15:00Yeah.
15:00That is nice.
15:02I'll be honest with you, David.
15:03There have got to be cutbacks.
15:04Now, if you can't manage that yourself, that's why I'm your boss.
15:07I can do that for you.
15:08You're not the boss here.
15:09And you don't have to do anything for me, because I've already made cutbacks.
15:11What?
15:12You've made cutbacks already?
15:13Yeah.
15:13I didn't want to tell the staff, but to you...
15:15Well, cutbacks where?
15:18Staff.
15:19So there have been some redundancies?
15:21So there have been some redundancies?
15:21Yeah.
15:22Well, have you let anyone go?
15:23Yeah.
15:24Who?
15:27Julie.
15:28Where does Julie work?
15:32Warehouse.
15:33What does she do?
15:36General warehouse in the warehouse.
15:38She works, so...
15:39Oh, I'm sorry, David.
15:40I thought I knew everyone who worked in the warehouse.
15:41What's her surname?
15:44Second name.
15:47Anderton.
15:50It's signs that Gareth's made for the door of his office.
15:53He started off with interrogation room.
15:57He went to interrogation office.
15:59Investigation room.
16:01Investigation office, just for that.
16:03He really lost it here.
16:05Quiet, please.
16:06Investigation in process.
16:10Silence.
16:11Interrogation.
16:12That's frightening.
16:13This is what he's gone for.
16:14Investigation and meeting room.
16:16Yeah, it seems to make sense.
16:17My personal favour, though, has to be...
16:20Gareth Keenan investigates.
16:22Right.
16:25So...
16:25There's a lot of, um...
16:27I'm trying to work in here.
16:28Sorry, mate.
16:29How is the investigation going?
16:31Good.
16:32Very good.
16:33Do you need a deputy at all?
16:35No.
16:36I've already got one.
16:40Bye, Sheila.
16:41Bye.
16:43Keep it down.
16:53Well...
16:53This is scary, David.
16:55Don't tie any more cash up in stock unless you have to.
16:57The thing is...
16:57I'm sure you could lose more people from down here.
17:00Who's the foreman?
17:02Taffy.
17:04Taffy.
17:05Taffy.
17:06Glyn.
17:07What?
17:08We'll call him Taffy.
17:11The thing is, though, no-one's dispensable in my book.
17:13Yeah?
17:14Because we're like one big organism, one big animal.
17:16Yeah?
17:17The guys upstairs on the phone, they're the mouth.
17:19The guys down here, the hands.
17:21And what part are you?
17:22Good question.
17:23Probably the humour.
17:30Well...
17:32With responsibility comes harsh things.
17:36Um...
17:36People look at me, they say,
17:38Oh, he's tough.
17:39You know, he was in the army.
17:41Um...
17:41He's gonna be hard by the book.
17:44But...
17:45I am caring and sensitive.
17:49Isn't Schindler's List a brilliant film?
17:53Oh, yeah.
17:54See, people think a strong man can't be sensitive, but I'm thoughtful and caring.
18:00Sorry, what's this about?
18:02About the picture of David with the two blokes jizzing on him.
18:05Oh, were they both jizzing on him?
18:07I thought he was sucking one of them off.
18:10I don't think...
18:13No, look.
18:14It's just jizzing.
18:15Well, I didn't do it.
18:17Good.
18:18Fine.
18:19Well, I'm glad we had this little chat.
18:22I don't want you to think of me as your boss.
18:25Well, you're not.
18:27Well, I'm higher up than you, so I am.
18:29What I'm saying is, don't think of me as a boss, but know that I am.
18:35I don't think you are.
18:36Well, I'm team leader, so I am.
18:38I'm higher up than you.
18:43Garris Keenan.
18:44Right, seriously.
18:45Now, just stop it.
18:51Yes, I've had office romances.
18:54Loads.
18:55Not here.
18:56Another place I worked at.
18:57Good looking ones as well.
18:59But they're not a good idea.
19:01Office romances.
19:02It's like shitting on your own doorstep.
19:05I've had loads of office here, but I go, no way.
19:08Distracting.
19:09And that's actually one of the major arguments against letting gay men into the army.
19:12And I haven't got a problem with that.
19:14You know, a gay man's not going to put me off.
19:16I can handle myself.
19:17But, if we're in battle, is he going to be looking at the enemy, or is he going to be
19:21looking at me?
19:22Going, ooh.
19:24You know?
19:25He looks tasty in his uniform.
19:28And I'm not homophobic, all right?
19:30Come round, look at my CD collection.
19:31You'll find Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys.
19:35They're all bummers.
19:41All right, lads.
19:43What are you watching?
19:44That's my dog shagging his dog.
19:46All right.
19:48Clint, I'm sure David's made it clear to you that you'll be losing personnel.
19:51That's the funny bit.
19:51Look who goes in his face.
19:54I'm sorry to interrupt.
19:55Do you think you can lose any more staff from down here?
19:57I know you lost Julie Anderton recently.
19:59Oh, who?
19:59I mean, the can of worms there.
20:00Julie Anderton.
20:01David fired her.
20:02I've never heard of her.
20:02Oh, loyalty.
20:03When someone goes from this organisation, they no longer exist.
20:06She never resisted, did she?
20:07Well, she...
20:08You made her up.
20:09Wait.
20:10You backed me into a corner and I...
20:11You lied.
20:12It's a form of acting.
20:14You can take this upstairs, we're a bit busy.
20:15You don't look busy.
20:16Well, do you want me to get busy, love?
20:18I'm sorry.
20:19You'd be next guest alone, Posh.
20:21A word with you now.
20:22Yeah.
20:25That was out of order in a while.
20:27No, I'm not in trouble.
20:28Well, she leaves a good shagging.
20:30I might bloody have to now.
20:32See you later.
20:35Now then, you two.
20:38Dawn and Tim.
20:40What do you want, guys?
20:42I've been assigned to find out who did the picture.
20:46Right, who was it?
20:47Well, I don't know.
20:48Will you get fired?
20:49Will I get fired?
20:50If you don't know who did it.
20:51Well, I'm finding out now.
20:52I'm doing investigations now.
20:53Was it one of you two?
20:54Yes.
20:55Christ, you're good.
20:56Was it?
20:57No!
20:58I knew it wasn't.
20:59Listen, I'm not going to fire you if you know anything because...
21:02You couldn't.
21:02I could.
21:03How would that work?
21:04I would say you're fired.
21:05Clear your desk and...
21:07I would say you don't have the authority.
21:08But go on.
21:08Not true.
21:09Not true.
21:09Because in this room, I have special...
21:12Needs?
21:12No.
21:13I am a special...
21:14Needs child?
21:15No.
21:15And that's not even funny.
21:16Well...
21:16Right?
21:17I won't have you fired because...
21:18You couldn't.
21:19Right, that's all.
21:20Leave.
21:30I just can't believe their total lack of respect.
21:32Not only do they undermine you in an authoritative sense...
21:36Come in, Gareth.
21:37But they left an image in my mind of you, naked, on all fours, being quite literally done doggy style.
21:45David!
21:48Carry on.
21:49What is it?
21:50I've found a guilty man.
21:52Have you indeed, Mr Keenan?
21:53Can this wait, David?
21:54Er, yeah.
21:56But if I tell you there's pornography, sexist pornography, which I hate, going round the office, then do you want
22:01it to wait?
22:01Pornography?
22:02Who was it?
22:03Surprise, surprise.
22:04It was Tim.
22:06Shane.
22:07Good man.
22:07Good man.
22:07Happy to be sure.
22:08I've found these pictures on his hard drive, downloaded from the internet.
22:11After investigation.
22:13Licensed by...
22:14Carried out by...
22:16But...
22:17Oh, no.
22:19Oh.
22:20I don't want you to see this.
22:20I don't want to see this.
22:22Oh.
22:23That's worse than the one before.
22:24I don't...
22:25Oh.
22:26I hope there aren't any more.
22:27There are more.
22:28Oh.
22:28Well, he will have to be disciplined, because when the disciplining has to be done, then the
22:34laughter stops for that amount of time, then continues.
22:38Rehabilitation, notwithstanding, is everywhere.
22:40Oh.
22:41Oh.
22:41How did you find out?
22:43Well, I suspected the pictures probably came off the internet, so I checked everyone's
22:46computer.
22:47Yep.
22:47Because there is a log of every webpage you visited.
22:50Mm-hmm.
22:50Just go to the internet page and then net history.
22:53Well, is that worth it?
22:54Because...
22:54I don't...
22:55I don't want to know how it's done, in a way.
22:58Can you delete the history thing on the computer?
23:01We should, really.
23:02David, this is a meeting.
23:04Yeah.
23:04Yeah.
23:05Okay.
23:05That's all.
23:06Anything else?
23:07Erm.
23:08Oh, Teffy, he phoned from the warehouse.
23:09He's got another funny video for you.
23:10Thanks.
23:11Okay.
23:11This is just one big boys club, isn't it?
23:13Not really, no.
23:13Seedy little men with seedy little jokes.
23:15Jokes.
23:16This morning.
23:16Perfect example.
23:17I do not want to be put in that position again.
23:19Don't go down the warehouse.
23:21That's all.
23:21David, don't tell me where I can and can't go in my own company.
23:23Advice.
23:24You're on very thin ice as it is.
23:25You've already lied to me today.
23:27What's that?
23:28Can't go...
23:28You lied to me because you don't have the guts to do your own job.
23:31I don't have the guts.
23:32If you're not man enough to do your job, I will do it for you.
23:36Not man enough?
23:38Shh.
23:39Okay.
23:41Come here.
23:50Busy at work?
23:52Is there a problem?
23:54Yeah, that.
23:55I'm sorry.
23:56What's that?
23:56What's that?
23:57I don't know.
23:58A dirty picture with my head on it.
23:59As a sex object.
24:02And don't...
24:02You know I like a laugh, Tim.
24:04I'm just...
24:05Porno laughs are not funny.
24:09Okay?
24:09I'm disappointed.
24:10You think I did this?
24:12Case closed.
24:13Oh, shouldn't I say that?
24:14It was my investigation.
24:16And what annoys me is you obviously didn't do it in your own time.
24:20Well, well, well.
24:21Columbo here figured it out, did it?
24:22Well, yeah.
24:23Sorry.
24:24I must be guilty if you've got your best man on the case.
24:26Stop trying to be funny for one second, Tim.
24:29Okay?
24:29And listen.
24:30Okay?
24:30And stop taking advantage of my good nature.
24:32Because I could be like every other boss in this situation.
24:35Okay?
24:36Right?
24:36You're taking the piss and I'm getting sick of it.
24:39David, it wasn't me, okay?
24:41It was your good friend Chris Finch.
24:45He used my computer.
24:46He said he was your best mate and you'd find it hilarious.
24:49Oh, no, it is.
24:52That's never in question.
24:54I think it's bloody hilarious.
24:56You're missing the...
24:57But, you know...
24:58Are you going to apologise to Tim?
25:00I'll tell you about families.
25:01You don't have to, in a way.
25:04So...
25:05Are you going to apologise to Tim?
25:07I have, in a way.
25:09Are you going to apologise now?
25:11Yes.
25:11Yes.
25:19Sorry about that.
25:22You were involved.
25:22You covered for it so well as well.
25:24You were involved and you covered.
25:25That's what I like about it.
25:26Well, I really wouldn't want to be here when you ball out Finching.
25:28You won't be.
25:28It's not fair, nor were you.
25:29So, it's not offensive now, it's Chris Finch.
25:32Let's not dwell on whether it is or isn't this or...
25:36Let's stop degrading women.
25:38Please.
25:39Let's have a laugh with them, not at them.
25:42Let's have a laugh at work, with women, at us.
25:46So, I trust you'll be telling Chris Finch he won't be working with us any more?
25:49Yeah, that's a good idea.
25:50I'll get rid of a good rep, cos he didn't play the joke.
25:52Brilliant.
25:53David, don't even start.
25:54No, no.
25:54Fine.
25:56That's come from the top.
26:00Yeah, hi, Chris.
26:01It's David here.
26:02Yeah, bad news, mate.
26:03We're going to have to let you go.
26:04We can't use you any more.
26:05Now, yeah, cos of the joke.
26:08Now, I've got a sense of humour, but, you know, that was offensive towards women.
26:11And, you know, to be like, I can't tolerate.
26:12I'm going to have to pass on...
26:13The time sponsored by Accurist will be 4, 21 and 40 seconds.
26:21Pathetic.
26:21Is it?
26:22The time sponsored by Accurist will be 4, 21 and 50 seconds.
26:39So, has anyone got the right time?