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07:24Lord, you're sure,
08:22I'm ashamed to mention,
08:52thank you.
09:22and right here,
09:52and what is it,
10:22can they see?
10:52Yes,
11:22can we,
11:52come on,
11:54Operator?
12:22Operator?
12:24what in?
12:26I get it,
12:27I get it,
12:28I get it,
12:32I get it.
12:39Well, howdy,
12:40I get it,
12:40I get it,
12:41I get it,
12:41I get it,
12:42I get it,
12:58I get it,
13:10you know,
13:10I get it,
13:11I get it,
13:11I get it,
13:14I get it.
13:16I get it,
13:18I get it.
13:24Milburn
13:25I want to meet the Clampets as soon as possible
13:28Now, when will that be?
13:30What about Christmas?
13:34Next year
13:36Milburn
13:37This conversation is making less and less sense
13:40Now, I want the truth about the Clampets
13:43Or I'm flying home immediately
13:46Now, Margaret, please control yourself
13:48I don't want you flying
13:52No, please, dear, please, stay on the ground
13:56Dear, why don't you lie down and take a sedentary
13:58And I'll call you from the office
14:01Goodbye
14:05I'm sorry, my wife
14:06We understand
14:08Well, I'll see you later
14:10Keep your chin up
14:12Or me
14:17Don't it just tear your heart out?
14:20He is so ashamed of his wife
14:21He don't even want us to meet her
14:23What he says, she won't be cured till Christmas
14:26Of next year
14:28You better help me, Granny
14:30I still say I could cure Mrs. Drivesdale in two days
14:33Sure be worth a try
14:35If we could get her out here
14:37Kid
14:38Misery loves company
14:40And if that poor, miserable woman
14:42Thought that she had a drinkin' friend
14:44Livin' next door
14:47Granny
14:48You ain't ever down more than a thimble fool
14:50In your whole life
14:52I know, Jed
14:53But it'd be worth a little white lie
14:56To help a neighbor
14:57And save a marriage
15:00But how?
15:08Hello?
15:10Yes, ma'am
15:12He's dead a stroke of luck, Granny
15:13It's Mrs. Drivesdale again
15:15No, ma'am
15:16He ain't here, Mrs. Drivesdale
15:18But Granny and me
15:19Would like to talk to you
15:20We your next door neighbors
15:21The Clampetts
15:25Listen, honey
15:26I got my steel set up
15:28Not 50 feet from your back door
15:29Now you come on home
15:31And you and me
15:32Will get glassy-eyed
15:33Fallen-down crocked
15:34We'll get juiced at eyeballs
15:36How does that sound to you, honey?
15:41I don't hear nothing
15:46Me neither
15:52What do you mean
15:53My wife's on the way from Boston?
15:55Message I got
15:56When I tried to put through your call
15:57She's on a Jetta, right?
15:58Never mind the grisly details
16:00Oh, I am ruined
16:02If Margaret gets one look
16:04At those hillbillies next door
16:05She'll leave me
16:05Get my psychiatrist over here
16:07Move over, Claude
16:08I need this more than you do
16:09You don't need your psychiatrist
16:11You're looking at the dark side
16:13There is a bright side
16:15Of course
16:16Your wife is an intelligent woman
16:18You'll see that
16:19Underneath that rough exterior
16:21The Clampetts are basically fine people
16:23Or she may even help them
16:25To get socially acclimated
16:27You're right
16:29I don't need my psychiatrist
16:31You do
16:32My wife
16:34Through whose aristocratic veins
16:37Flows blood the color of blueing
16:39Considers anyone
16:40Whose ancestors did not arrive
16:42On the Mayflower
16:43Immigrants
16:43She does make rather a fetish
16:46Of the family tree
16:46But
16:47But nothing
16:48I'm stuck
16:48I'm either going to lose my wife
16:50Or my largest depositor
16:51That's what makes the whole thing
16:53So difficult
16:54You know
16:55I like the Clampetts
16:56But I love my wife
16:57Isn't life weird?
17:00She's a snob
17:01She's hypochondriac
17:02She's not young and beautiful
17:03But I love her
17:06And now I do need my psychiatrist
17:09Now Mr. Drysdale
17:11As we used to say at Basso
17:16Courage will light your path
17:18Yes
17:18I know what I have to do
17:19I'll go to the airport
17:21I'll take Margaret in my arms
17:22I'll look her in the eye
17:23And lie like a rug
17:25What?
17:26I'll tell her the Clampetts
17:27Have left town
17:27And put her back on the plane
17:28I beseech you
17:29Do not become enmeshed
17:30In a web of lies
17:31But it won't be a lie
17:32If the Clampetts
17:33Are tricked into actually
17:34Leaving town
17:34But they're just getting settled
17:36What could possibly
17:36Induce them to leave town?
17:38That's your problem
17:39Me?
17:39You expect me?
17:40But they like you
17:41Well, they go to the men
17:42Who are going to Palm Springs
17:43For a few days
17:44Oh, no
17:45I will not help you
17:46Spin your deceitful web
17:48Miss Hathaway
17:49Would you rather be
17:50An unemployed secretary
17:52Or a spider
17:52With a ray?
17:56You know, I think the Clampetts
17:58Might enjoy Palm Springs
17:59Palm Springs?
18:00Where is that?
18:01It's about 125 miles from here
18:03In the desert
18:04Desert?
18:06Yeah, remember we
18:07Crossed from them
18:08On the way out here
18:08All that sand
18:10Yeah, I remember
18:11You ain't getting me
18:12To no desert
18:13Trees were so far apart
18:15The woodpeckers
18:16Had to tote lunch
18:18But this is different, Granny
18:19This is a beautiful resort
18:21With lots of trees
18:22And fine hotels
18:24And swimming pools
18:25We got a pond
18:26For swimming right here
18:27Ellie's out swimming
18:28Right now
18:29You didn't jump in
18:30With her clothes on, did she?
18:32I don't know
18:32Oh, surely not
18:33She promised to wear
18:34By the lovely swim ensemble
18:35I got her
18:38Yeah, she done
18:40Just like Jethro
18:41Here she comes
18:43With the dress
18:43Shrunk clear up to her
18:45Granny
18:49What's the matter?
18:50All her hair come out
18:52What?
18:54It's true
18:55Ellie lost her beautiful hair
18:59Help her, she's bald
19:01As an eagle
19:02Take off your bathing cap
19:07Oh, praise be
19:11All right
19:12But Ellie
19:12You hadn't ought to
19:13Went swimming with your
19:14Clothes on
19:14And shrunk up
19:15That nice dress
19:16It's not a dress
19:17Is it, Miss Jane?
19:19No, dear
19:19It's a beach jacket
19:20To wear over
19:21A bathing suit
19:23Ellie may clamp it
19:25Cover up your nakedness, child
19:26That's the way
19:27Everyone goes swimming
19:28Out here
19:29It's perfectly proper
19:30Well, you wouldn't
19:31Catch me in nothing
19:32Like that
19:32Me neither
19:35Mr. Platt
19:39How would you like
19:41For a member of your family
19:42To become
19:42Princess
19:43Of Palm Springs
19:45What?
19:46They're holding
19:47A beauty contest
19:47At the Springs this week
19:48And someone
19:50In this very room
19:51Has the face
19:52And the figure
19:52To win
19:54When the judges
19:54See her
19:55In a bathing suit
19:56I told you
19:57I ain't putting on
19:58No bathing suit
20:06Believe me, Mr. Clatt
20:07That this beautiful
20:08Daughter of yours
20:08Can win that
20:09Palm Springs
20:09Beauty contest
20:10Without even trying
20:11Can we go, Pop?
20:13I'm sorry, Ellie May
20:14But I just don't
20:15Cotton to the notion
20:16Of a bunch of strangers
20:17Gawking at your bare limbs
20:19Besides, we already know
20:20You're the prettiest
20:21Why shame all them other girls?
20:23Run along
20:23And get some clothes on
20:24Yes, sir, Pop
20:25Mr. Clavitt
20:26I do wish you would
20:27Reconsider about going
20:28To Palm Springs
20:29Even if Ellie doesn't
20:30Uncle Jay
20:30I do can
20:31Howdy, Miss Hathaway
20:33Jane to you, Jethro
20:34Well, Jane to you, too
20:36Look at me
20:37He's all set to go hunting
20:38Ain't we, Duke?
20:39Jethro, have you ever
20:40Hunted in the desert?
20:41No, ma'am
20:42Oh, it's a fascinating place
20:44You might even see a mirage
20:46If there's one there
20:47Old Duke will treat it
20:48He's the best hunting dog
20:49That is
20:50Well, I love hunting
20:51Around Palm Springs
20:52You'll all love Palm Springs
20:54They have wonderful hotels
20:57Have you ever stayed
20:58In a beautiful hotel street?
21:01No, I ain't, darling
21:06Granny
21:07Let's you and me go
21:08And leave these two lovebirds alone
21:09No, wait, no, please
21:10Let me take you all
21:11To Palm Springs
21:13Well, I'll tell you what
21:14Why don't you take Jethro
21:16And Ellie Mae
21:17And me and Granny
21:18Will stay here
21:18Well, for them
21:19Mrs. Drysdale would see
21:21I mean
21:22Mrs. Drysdale coming home?
21:25Is that why you was trying
21:27To get us out of town
21:27So we wouldn't meet her?
21:32Yes
21:32That is the reason
21:34I'm so ashamed
21:35I could die
21:37Well, now
21:38Don't go to crying about it
21:40The way I look at it
21:41Ain't nobody got a right
21:42To be ashamed
21:43Nobody else
21:44Good Lord made us all
21:46And if we was good enough
21:47For him
21:47We sure ought to be
21:49Good enough for each other
21:52I hold back on them tears
21:54He was among friends
21:58I remember a long time ago
22:00Hearing a fellow say it
22:01He said it's just about right
22:03He said
22:04There is so much good
22:06In the worst of us
22:08And so much bad
22:09In the best of us
22:11That it don't hardly
22:12It don't hardly
22:14But who?
22:16Well, go ahead and bawl
22:17It'll make you feel better
22:20I'll tell you what
22:22If this means so much to you
22:23We'll all pick up
22:24And go to them Palm Springs
22:25With you
22:26Oh, bless you
22:28Mr. Drysdale
22:29Will be so happy
22:30I don't know
22:31Billy May Pack
22:35I'm telling you
22:36That Miss Drysdale
22:37Must be a mess
22:39She's gonna need our help, Jed
22:41This is a poor time
22:42For us to be leaving
22:43Yeah, we gotta help her
22:45Once we get back
22:46Right now
22:46We gotta respect
22:47Mr. Drysdale's feelings
22:48Jethro
22:49You go get the truck ready
22:50Okay, Uncle Jed
23:15Really, Melbourne
23:17The Clampett's gardener
23:19Shouldn't eat his car
23:20Parked in the front driveway
23:21That way
23:22Oh, you're absolutely right, dear
23:23Yeah
23:24Oh, Margaret
23:25Don't you want to stop
23:26At home first
23:27And freshen up
23:27Take some medicine
23:28Or something
23:29Melbourne
23:29I have just flown
23:313,000 miles
23:32To meet the Clampetts
23:33And I intend to meet them
23:34Right now
23:35Well, Don
23:36They're probably out of town
23:37You see
23:37They travel extensively
23:38Oh, they're wonderful people
23:40It'd be a shame
23:40If you miss them
23:41But I know how anxious
23:42You are to get back
23:43To Boston
23:43And your doctors
23:44And Sonny
23:46How is Sonny
23:47How's he like
23:48Harvard this year
23:49Is it Yale
23:50Princeton
23:51Dartmouth
23:51Let's go ask him
23:52Melbourne
23:53What is the matter with you
23:55Melbourne
23:56Let go
23:57Let go
23:58You hear me
23:58Let go
23:59I say
23:59Let go
24:00Have you gone mad
24:02Let go
24:03You beast
24:03Step aside, lady
24:05I'll shoot it
24:13What'd you shoot, Jedhrum?
24:14I think it was a fox
24:17Who's that
24:19My wife
24:20Then why aren't you
24:21In Palm Springs
24:21Let's get her home
24:22As quickly as possible
24:24What's going on?
24:26You can't throw a shot
24:26Of fox
24:28That's Miss Drysdale
24:29Stewed to the gills
24:32No wonder
24:34They didn't want us
24:34To see her
24:35Poor woman
24:36You mean poor husband
24:38Yeah
24:41We can't go off to Palm Springs
24:42And leave our neighbor
24:43At a time like this
24:44That's right
24:45We gotta pitch in
24:46And see that his wife
24:47Gets cute
24:48Uncle Jed
24:49Are we going hunting?
24:51Might as well
24:52It'll be a while
24:53Before she sleeps
24:54That one off
24:56Well, I hope there's
24:57Some possum around
24:58These skinny old
24:59California foxes
25:00Ain't worth shooting at
25:06Well, now it's time
25:24To say goodbye
25:25To Jed and all his kin
25:26And they would like
25:27To thank you folks
25:28For kindly dropping in
25:30We're all invited back
25:31Next week to this locality
25:33To have a heaping
25:34Helping of their hospitality
25:37Hillbilly, that is
25:38Set a spell
25:40Take your shoes off
25:41Y'all come back now
25:43Here
25:50This has been
25:51A Filmways presentation
25:54To do
25:55To do
25:55To do
25:56A Filmway
25:56That fucking
25:56A Filmway
25:56To do
25:56And
25:57And
25:57To do
25:57To
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