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The Beverly Hillbillies S01E02 - Getting Settled
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00:00Sous-titrage MFP.
00:56Sous-titrage MFP.
01:00Sous-titrage MFP.
01:25Welcome. Welcome.
01:27Howdy.
01:28Well, now, ain't that handy?
01:30What's that, Paul?
01:31The way the road takes a bend in here, runs right by the front door.
01:35No, Mr. Clamper, this is your driveway. It goes with the house.
01:39Is this thing a hire?
01:40Oh, yes, indeed. It was built by John Barrymore, one of our finest actors.
01:45Pretty fair stonemason, too.
01:49Hey, Jed! His hair is dandy soil.
01:53Fine, Granny. We'll commence plowing tomorrow.
01:55But this is Beverly Hill. Dirt is dirt.
02:00Yes, I know, but...
02:02Why don't we look around inside, eh?
02:09Well, here we are.
02:12I hope you're going to like this place I picked out for you.
02:14It may be a trifle larger than what you're used to,
02:17but I feel a man with 25 million dollars in my bank
02:20should live in a manner that...
02:22Come in, come in. This is your home.
02:39As I say, it may be a bit more than you're used to,
02:41but I'm sure you'll be comfortable.
02:43Now, my secretary will be over right away
02:45to help you with the hiring of servants
02:46or whatever problems you may have.
02:48She's a very efficient girl, Miss Hathaway.
02:50Jed!
02:52Jed!
02:56Jed?
02:58You and Jethro fetch in my stove
03:00so I can get some vittles to cooking?
03:03Oh, you have a beautiful stove.
03:06Thank you. Fetch it in, Jed.
03:08You scare up some wood, Ellie.
03:10No, no, I mean you have a stove already installed in the kitchen.
03:14Where's that?
03:15I'll show you.
03:16Excuse us.
03:19Ellie, you go with Granny.
03:21She'll still need you to fetch some wood.
03:23Sure, Pop.
03:28Uncle Jed!
03:29Guess what?
03:30There's a whole other house up here.
03:35Guess who'll come down from there.
03:37Like is not that belonged to somebody else.
03:40Here we are.
03:43This is your kitchen.
03:45Oh, and here's the store.
03:48The last word in food preparation.
03:52And speaking of food,
03:54you'll find everything you could possibly want
03:57stored right in here.
03:58See?
04:04Well, I'll leave you ladies
04:06to your culinary delights.
04:09Au revoir.
04:10Bon appétit.
04:14Talks gibberish.
04:16You should have said a great deal of stowing
04:18this here stove, Granny.
04:22Well, we'll see.
04:28Ellie, you run out and fetch some wood.
04:31I'll get a fire to go in in here
04:33and we'll see.
04:34Yeah, well, I hope it's all right
04:36for you to be missing school.
04:38Oh, sure, Uncle Jed.
04:39They ain't straight in the fifth grade.
04:42You in the fifth grade already?
04:44Starting this year.
04:46Yeah.
04:46Don't seem like no time at all
04:48since I went with your ma
04:49to get you started in the first grade.
04:51You was six years old.
04:53No bigger than that.
04:55We drove clean over to Oxford
04:58so you could go to the same school
05:00you Paul went to.
05:02You wouldn't know that town today, Uncle Jed.
05:04Oxford?
05:05Yes, sir.
05:06Well, that town has growed and growed
05:08and spread out and built up
05:10and just kept getting bigger and bigger.
05:13Well, today, well, I bet you
05:14there must be at least three
05:15or four dozen people living there.
05:18A place like that's all right to visit,
05:20but I wouldn't want to live there.
05:23Well, can I be of any assistance?
05:26No, thank you, Mr. Drysdale.
05:27We were just talking about Jethro here
05:29getting back to school.
05:30Oh.
05:30Well, we have some excellent
05:32educational facilities out here, Mr. Crappett.
05:35Where do you go to school, Jethro?
05:36Oxford.
05:39Yeah, you see, Jethro's ma,
05:41that's my cousin Pearl.
05:42She married Oxford, man,
05:44so naturally, Jethro,
05:45he goes to school there, too.
05:46I'm the champion crawdad eater.
05:49That Oxford?
05:51Jethro put away three buckets of crawdad.
05:53Four.
05:54And he's learned to cipher and everything.
05:57Cipher some for Mr. Drysdale.
06:01One and one's two.
06:04Two and two's four.
06:06Four and four's eight.
06:10I have to take off my shoes
06:11to get any further than that.
06:13I'm sure we're thinking of two different oxen.
06:15You see, there's one that's very famous
06:17and very old.
06:18Well, that's where Jethro goes to school.
06:20Been there since pioneer days.
06:21That's how come it got its name.
06:23It's where the oxen used to ford the river.
06:26So folks took to calling an oxen ford
06:28and later on got shortened to oxen.
06:31Well, I'll be running.
06:33Oh, by the way, here are your keys.
06:34My secretary should be over very soon.
06:37Well, thank you very much, Mr. Drysdale,
06:39for everything you've been doing for us.
06:41Oh, it's my pleasure, Mr. Crappett.
06:42You see, I'm not only your banker,
06:44I'm your next-door neighbor.
06:47Well, you'll see.
06:48Now, ain't that nice?
06:50Well, now, why don't you bring your missus
06:52over tonight for supper
06:53and I'll have Granny whomp up
06:55a mess of grits and hog jowl.
06:58Well, you see, right now my wife is in Boston.
07:01Well, that's too bad.
07:02When's she be back?
07:03Not too soon, fortune.
07:05I'll see you later, hmm?
07:07Well, thank you, Mr. Drysdale.
07:08So long.
07:11Uncle Jed,
07:12you reckon one of these days
07:14I can have me a little bitty old taste
07:16of Granny's moonshine?
07:17Now, Jethro,
07:19you know the family rule
07:20about Granny's moonshine?
07:21You get your first taste
07:23on your wedding day
07:23and not before.
07:25Well, Uncle Jed,
07:26that might be an awful long time.
07:27I ain't even got me no sweetheart.
07:29How come?
07:30Well, back home.
07:31Every time I get me a girl,
07:34one of them there big fellas
07:35would take her right away from me.
07:37Maybe out here in Beverly Hills...
07:39Paul, could I please have the axe?
07:41I gotta split some wood for Granny.
07:43Bet you, Jethro.
07:44Ain't this place got a wood pile?
07:46Not that I can find.
07:48But I found a whole row
07:49of black old dead tree trunks
07:51pretty near as high as this height.
07:53Is it kind of big for you to tackle?
07:55Well, shucks, no, Paul.
07:56They're only this big around.
07:58And all trimmed and topped
08:00and strung together with the black rope
08:02so as no matter which one you cut,
08:04the others keep it from falling.
08:06Somebody had a right smart idea there.
08:09Just the same,
08:10I think I'd rather have Jethro
08:11do the cutting.
08:13Oh, Paul and me.
08:15Oh, cutting trees
08:16and chopping logs
08:18ain't no work for a girl.
08:19I'm just as strong as Jethro.
08:22You ain't neither.
08:23I am so?
08:24You ain't neither.
08:25I am so, too.
08:27You want to wrestle.
08:28Don, too.
08:29Now, here, here.
08:31That ain't no fair fight.
08:32Nobody's gonna get hurt.
08:34Now, yeah, you see?
08:35You're getting too rough.
08:37Get thrown.
08:38A person can't get crippled
08:40from a hole like that.
08:41Get up from there.
08:42I can't, Uncle Jeth.
08:45You turn him a loose
08:46and get up from there
08:47before I take the strap to the boot.
08:51Now, here, you get out there
08:53and chop down one of them tree trunks
08:54and saw, Granny, some nice logs.
08:56Yes, Uncle Jeth.
09:02I could have whooped you
09:03if you hadn't tripped me.
09:04Granny, come back here
09:06and sit down.
09:06I want to talk to you.
09:09Whoop them firing square
09:10and I'll do it again.
09:11Oh, you won't.
09:13That's what I want to talk to you about.
09:16Ellie, me.
09:19You're getting too big
09:20to wrestle with boys.
09:22I ain't as big as Jethro.
09:24Big that way.
09:25I mean,
09:26growed up.
09:27You're a young lady now.
09:29You gotta start
09:30minding your manners
09:31and fixing yourself up
09:33real nice
09:34and wearing dresses.
09:35Paul,
09:36folks would call me a sissy.
09:39Well, it ain't sissy
09:40for girls to act like girls.
09:42You see, Ellie,
09:43I raised you like a boy
09:45and I was wrong to do it.
09:47I reckon every man
09:48liked to have a son
09:49and you was my only young'un.
09:51and when your mom
09:52passed away,
09:53I decided to turn you
09:55into a boy.
09:56By the time
09:57Granny come to help out,
09:58you was too wild
09:59to tame.
10:00By thunder,
10:01you could outrun,
10:02out climb,
10:03out fight,
10:04and out shoot
10:04every boy in them hills.
10:06I still can, Paul.
10:09But it ain't fitting.
10:12It ain't right
10:13for folks to go
10:14against nature.
10:15Now look at old Duke here.
10:17Reckon we could turn him
10:17into a cat?
10:18Of course not.
10:22That's right.
10:23Because nature
10:24made him into a dog.
10:26Just the same way
10:27nature made you
10:27into a girl.
10:29And lately,
10:30she's getting
10:31more and more
10:31positive about it.
10:33You mean my ears
10:35is growing?
10:36No, nothing like that.
10:38You're pretty.
10:40Oh, Paul.
10:42I know you don't
10:43like it when I say that,
10:45but you like it
10:45when the young fellas
10:46around here come in
10:47saying it,
10:47and they will.
10:48only they'll probably
10:49be using words,
10:50fancy words
10:51I won't even understand.
10:53But Ellie Mae,
10:55ain't nobody
10:55can ever tell you
10:56how pretty you
10:57really are,
10:58sent me.
10:59You're the living
11:00picture of your mom.
11:24you're still here?
11:25I thought you were
11:25going up to the
11:26Clamford estate.
11:27I didn't think it
11:27prudent for us both
11:28to be absent
11:28simultaneously.
11:29In the event of crises,
11:31the only crises you
11:32have to worry about
11:32right now is keeping
11:33Mr. J.D.
11:34Clamford happy.
11:34Now get up there.
11:35Tell me,
11:36how did he like
11:37the flamingos?
11:38What flamingos?
11:39I thought pink flamingos
11:41around the swimming pool
11:42would add a rather
11:42elegant touch.
11:44Mr. Clamford is not
11:45a man educated
11:46to elegance.
11:47That will take time.
11:48Right now,
11:48there are more
11:49pressing problems.
11:50Of course,
11:50getting settled,
11:51the servant problem.
11:52Well,
11:53whatever they are,
11:53just get up there
11:54and solve them.
11:55Now J.D.
11:55Clamford is this
11:56bank's largest depositor,
11:57and I'm making
11:57his satisfaction
11:58your responsibility.
12:00I accept the
12:01mantle of responsibility
12:02with which you have
12:03cloaked my shoulders,
12:04and I shall so
12:05conduct myself
12:06that if this great
12:07financial institution
12:08shall last a thousand years,
12:11this was their
12:12finest hour.
12:17And he would,
12:18all right.
12:18Got a lot of
12:19pitch and tar in it.
12:20Ought to burn real good.
12:21Yeah.
12:23That flimsy
12:24great hole's up.
12:26Granny,
12:27this is top
12:28of that tree trunk.
12:29You want I should
12:30split it up to?
12:31No,
12:32just leave it outside.
12:33Guess so.
12:35This place ain't
12:36even got a wood box.
12:37Yeah, folks
12:38don't need much
12:39wood out here.
12:39Remember what
12:40Pearl said?
12:41It don't get cold.
12:42Yeah,
12:43I remember.
12:43It might not
12:44get cold in the day,
12:46but it sure
12:46freezes solid at night.
12:48How do you know?
12:49I'll show you
12:50how I know.
12:55Every bit of food
12:56in this here
12:57storage bin
12:58is froze
12:58harder than a rock.
13:00Yes.
13:01Look.
13:19and I'll be
13:20doggone.
13:22Take me two days
13:23to thaw out that ham
13:24before I can ever
13:25cook it.
13:30Yeah.
13:31People all know
13:32better than store food
13:33up against the north wall.
13:36Tomorrow we'll dig
13:36us a root cellar
13:37and we'll put
13:37all this stuff in it.
13:39Get through.
13:40Go on out there
13:41and catch us a chicken.
13:42Okay, Uncle Jack.
13:44How you know
13:45we got chickens?
13:46Place this size
13:47is bound to have chickens.
13:48Ain't all froze.
13:49to have a house.
14:21A heap de chicken?
14:26Here's that bucket, you want it?
14:28You take it, Ellie, see if you can find the creek.
14:30I gotta have some water.
14:32You want a pump on this place?
14:33It ain't even got a whale.
14:35Uncle Jed, Uncle Jed!
14:37Yeah, boy, did you find a chicken?
14:38I found something.
14:39I ain't sure if it's a chicken, a goose, a duck, or what.
14:43Where is it?
14:44I couldn't catch it.
14:45That thing can outrun a jackrabbit.
14:47There ain't no goose or duck.
14:49It must be a chicken.
14:51If it is, Ma was right about things growing bigger out here.
14:54That thing was this high.
14:56A chicken?
14:57Out you're through.
14:59Honest, it's got legs this long.
15:01Dibby's on the drumstick.
15:03Drumstick ain't much.
15:04Whoever gets that neck is eating from now on.
15:07Commences here and runs plum up to here.
15:12You ain't forgot what I said about Granny's jug of liquor.
15:15I ain't been to Granny's jug.
15:17You have your in for it.
15:19Honest, it crossed my heart.
15:21Where'd you see this chicken?
15:23Down by the cement pond.
15:25Cement pond?
15:27Uncle Jed, that pond is the fanciest thing you ever did see.
15:31Why, they is steps.
15:32So as the cattle can walk right down into it and get a drink.
15:36And up at one end, there's a lady standing there made out of rock.
15:39And she's a-pouring water out of a jar right into that cement pond.
15:46Well, that's how come that big old pink chicken to get away from me.
15:50Flew right over the top of that there rock lady, landed in that pond and swam like an otter.
15:54Just a-popping them big old pink wings of otter.
15:59What color did you say that chicken was?
16:02It's cake.
16:04Ain't I told you that stuff would stunt your gross?
16:08Miss Granny, I didn't.
16:09I didn't touch a drop.
16:11You and me is going to the woodshed.
16:14Jethro, you swear to be telling the truth.
16:17So help me Jefferson Davis.
16:19You work that off when you speak of the president.
16:22Well, you ain't president no more.
16:26I'll have no Yankee talk in my kitchen.
16:30Now, Jethro, you and me is going back out there and corner that chicken.
16:34Granny, you get your fire to go.
16:36Ellie Mae, you sweep up out front and keep your eyes open for that Miss Hathaway.
16:40Hey, I'm counting on her to take you in here and get you in the right kind of clothes.
16:44Come on.
16:48Hey, chicken.
17:01You there, young man.
17:04I'm a young man, but I sure do thank you for thinking so.
17:07Good heavens, you're a girl.
17:08Yeah.
17:09I'm Jane Hathaway, executive secretary to Mr. Drysdale.
17:13And you, I take it, are a domestic of some sort?
17:15Cleaning girl, housemaid.
17:16Just what are your duties with Mr. Clampett?
17:19Well, he sent me out here to sweep up.
17:20But he said you'd take me in hand and get me in the right kind of clothes and everything.
17:24Indeed, I shall.
17:25We have a complete servant's wardrobe from chef to chauffeur.
17:28Come with me.
17:32What in the name of Thomas Chippendale is this?
17:37Is Mr. Clampett seen in this disgraceful and unsightly mound of debris?
17:40Oh, yes, ma'am.
17:43This is all his.
17:45Oh, what charming antiques.
17:49Just like he said, you threw a rock lady pouring water into a cement pond.
17:55Yes, sir.
17:56And over there's where I seen that great big pink chicken.
17:59Only thing is, it don't sound like a chicken.
18:02It makes a kind of hollering noise.
18:17Reckon you'd make a hollering noise, too, if you was to lay egg like that.
18:22Oh, man, oh, man.
18:24That's what I call an egg.
18:26Then you won't have to worry about food now.
18:29Well, she cooks this.
18:41That rain city stove don't draw worth nothing.
18:44Granny, look at this egg.
18:46What's all the smoke?
18:48Stove don't work.
18:50What?
18:51Probably just a stuffed-up flue.
18:53Ain't got a flue.
18:54Ain't even got a stove pipe.
18:56I'll get the shovel and the hoe and rake it out of there.
18:58You keep this egg.
19:10Just like everything else out here, froze solid.
19:19Really, my dear, you look quite charming.
19:22Well, I feel like a dead blind foe.
19:26Just a moment.
19:27You can't stop it, I'll be right back.
19:30Oh, that was my Paul.
19:32I take it he's a gardener.
19:34Oh, yes, ma'am.
19:35Paul just can't wait to commence gardening.
19:37Apparently.
19:38However, as though I admire his enthusiasm, I must forbid him access through the main entrance.
19:43Now, tell me about the rest of the staff.
19:46Is there a chauffeur?
19:47A what?
19:49Someone who does the driving.
19:51Oh, yes, ma'am.
19:52That's Jethro.
19:53Of course, I don't reckon he can stay around very long.
19:55He's got to get back to Oxford and go to school.
19:59Oxford?
20:01He attends Oxford University?
20:04Well, he just calls it school.
20:06Paul went to school back, too.
20:09Oh, yes.
20:10Old school time.
20:12Great pride, those Oxford men.
20:15Sorry I couldn't stop before.
20:17Granny was having trouble in the kitchen.
20:18Paul, do I have to wear this year's stuff that Miss Happyway...
20:21No, no.
20:22There can be no appeal from Mr. Clavitt's orders.
20:24Thank you, ma'am.
20:25Glad to see you taking a firm hand.
20:28Well, hell and me, that's right pretty.
20:30Makes you look taller.
20:32She's got me walking on pegs.
20:35Well, run in and show Granny.
20:37And get rid of those old clothes, dear.
20:43Granny, I presume, is the cook.
20:45Yes, ma'am, but she ain't too happy about it right now.
20:47I shall deal with her directly.
20:49Now, let's see.
20:50Maid, gardener, cook, chauffeur.
20:53Oh, uh, I understand Jethro is an Oxford man.
20:57You bet he is.
20:58I'm, uh, quite anxious to meet him.
21:00Don't blame you.
21:01Fine-looking young feller.
21:03Single, too.
21:04And he's on the lookout for a girl.
21:06Oh, I am only interested in the intellectual rapport, which I would naturally have with an Oxford man.
21:12I presume he went to Eton as a boy.
21:15If I know Jethro, he went to Eton the minute he was born.
21:19Yes, of course.
21:21I suppose his father matriculated him.
21:24I kind of think maybe it was his mom.
21:26Oh, well, no matter.
21:28At any rate, he's an Eton man.
21:31That he is.
21:32Matter of fact, Jethro won the Eton championship.
21:36Oh, marvelous.
21:37What was he champion of?
21:39Eton.
21:40Yes, I know, but what was it?
21:43Cricket?
21:43Oh, no, no, it was crawdad.
21:45Yeah, I don't think even Jethro would eat crickets.
21:50I was referring to the game.
21:53Ken, where's the axe?
21:55I'll bet you, Granny.
21:56You talk to Miss Hathaway.
21:58And just why does Cook need an axe?
22:00I've hit this with everything I could lay a hand to.
22:03I even whopped it with an iron skillet.
22:05You are supposed to hit it with a croquet mallet.
22:09All right, where is it?
22:12I don't think I'll tell you.
22:14There's a time for work and a time for play.
22:17Now then, what are we cooking for Mr. Clavett?
22:20Well, I don't know what you're cooking him,
22:22but if he wants any vittles for me,
22:24somebody better shoot a possum.
22:26Possum?
22:27You got a better idea?
22:29But of course, a nice big fluffy souffle.
22:32All right.
22:33You shoot it and you skin it.
22:35You don't even know what a souffle is.
22:38What kind of a cook are you?
22:40I'm a cook with a stove that don't draw,
22:43food that's froze solid,
22:45chickens that can't be caught,
22:47eggs that can't be broke,
22:49and a smart, alecky, city woman telling me my business.
22:52That's what kind of a cook I am.
22:54Mind your tongue, little woman.
22:56I can have your job.
22:58You sure can, and the sooner the better.
23:01Get those coming and just wait till you see what he's got.
23:03Thank heaven.
23:04Now I can have an intelligent conversation.
23:07Look, Granny, I got that big chicken.
23:10I hope it ain't as tough as it's age.
23:12But that is a flamingo.
23:14Oh, no, ma'am.
23:15That's my nephew, Jethro.
23:16Jethro, say hello to Miss Hathaway.
23:18I do, ma'am.
23:20That's the big dangest chicken you ever did say.
23:23Did you go to school at Oxford?
23:26Yes, ma'am.
23:27I'm in the fifth grade.
23:28Stop bragging and wrink that chicken's neck.
23:31Mary Mae!
23:31No, stop, you barbarian.
23:34Don't arm one feather of that beautiful bird.
23:36I've taken just about as much as I'm going to take from you.
23:39Yeah, Granny.
23:39Ellie, you get the fire going under the big kettle outdoors.
23:42Young lady, where is your maid's uniform?
23:44I ain't going away.
23:45Oh, yes, you are.
23:46Now, why?
23:47Oh, yes, you are if I must subdue you forcefully.
23:49I wouldn't try to.
23:50Hey, don't you want to stop?
23:53Ah!
23:54Don't.
23:54I can tell you.
23:56Put me up.
23:56Put me up.
23:59I'll sit on her, Ellie.
24:01Let me.
24:01Here, here, Granny.
24:04Come on, let her up.
24:05Get off of me.
24:07You are distressed.
24:10All of you.
24:11Sacked.
24:12Fired.
24:13I love the most incompetent, insubordinate, belligerent group of domestics.
24:18It has never been my best.
24:19Just half the way.
24:19All right, Chief.
24:20You're just in time to help me take disciplinary action.
24:23You're fired.
24:23I've already told them.
24:24Not them, you.
24:26These people are the Clampetts.
24:29Clampetts?
24:30Yes, that's right.
24:31Now go back to the office and pick up your severance pay.
24:34You are through.
24:35Now, Mr. Drysdale, hold on a spell.
24:38I reckon there's been a kind of a misunderstanding.
24:40But this little lady's been a right big help to us.
24:44Why, she fit in just like one of the family.
24:47Matter of fact, her and me is going out hunting.
24:52Is that right, Miss Hathaway?
24:54Yes, indeed.
24:56Yep.
24:58Jethro, you can take that pink chicken back out to the cement pond.
25:03We're going out and shoot us a nice big fluffy souffle.
25:30Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin.
25:33And they would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in.
25:37We're all invited back next week to this locality
25:40To have a heaping helping of their hospitality.
25:44Hillbilly, that is.
25:46Set or spell.
25:47Take your shoes off.
25:49You all come back now.
25:50Hear?
25:52This has been a Filmways production.
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