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The Beverly Hillbillies (season 1) S01E06 - Trick or Treat
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00:00Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed.
00:03A poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.
00:06And then one day he was shooting at some food.
00:09And up through the ground come a bubble and crude.
00:12Oil, that is.
00:13Black gold.
00:15Texas tea.
00:17Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
00:20The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there.
00:23Said, California is the place you ought to be.
00:25So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly.
00:27Hills, that is.
00:30Swimming pools.
00:32Movie stars.
00:33The Beverly Hillbillies.
00:53Now come along and visit with the Clampett family.
00:57As they learn the simple pleasures of the hills of Beverly.
01:01That includes the products of your sponsor of the week.
01:05The cereals of Kellogg's.
01:07Kellogg's of Battle Creek.
01:09K-E-double-L.
01:10O-double-good.
01:11Kellogg's.
01:11Best to you.
01:26Well, you're the prettiest thing.
01:27Yeah, Ellie.
01:35Ellie, may you Clampett?
01:38Well, you're the prettiest thing.
01:40I ain't never in all my boring days.
01:44How'd an old mountain goat like me ever get a young'un like you're a queen?
01:49That's what you are in that shiny dress standing there.
01:52You're a queen.
01:53Feel it, Paul.
01:54It's slicker in a toad's belly.
01:59I'll give you this a thing.
02:01What kind of dress do you call that?
02:03Well, this is what you call a ball gown.
02:06A ball gown.
02:07Well, you're even catching on to what they're named.
02:09Well, Miss Hathaway, she penned a piece of paper on to every dress she got me.
02:14I tell him what it was for.
02:15You better tote along the shotgun and keep the fellas away.
02:18Oh, I know, Paul.
02:19That's what I'm going out for.
02:21To meet some fellas.
02:23Hallelujah.
02:25You know, you're going to find out something I've been saying is the truth.
02:28You don't have to dress up in boys' clothes to have fun with boys.
02:33I'm going to keep my promise, Paul.
02:35I ain't going to wear nothing but dresses for three whole days.
02:38And I'm going to keep my promise, too.
02:40If you don't have just as much fun as you did climbing trees and wrestling,
02:44you can go back to wearing your pants and shirt.
02:49Goodbye, Paul.
03:02What you doing?
03:04Killing ants?
03:05Hey, this place ain't got no ants.
03:07I'll tell you something else it ain't got.
03:09That's me.
03:10I'm going to pack up and go home.
03:12Wait a minute.
03:13Hold on there.
03:14This is home.
03:15Not to me, it ain't.
03:16And for my part, they can give Beverly Hills back to the Indians.
03:20Or whoever else was fool enough to come here in the first place.
03:25Come on, let's go in here and sit down.
03:27And we'll talk this whole thing over.
03:29You just got your back up because the police made us get rid of all our cows and pigs and
03:34chickens and stuff.
03:35Well, that didn't help, hon.
03:38But if they don't allow folks to have a stock, why have they got that oil-fired fancy stock pen
03:43down there?
03:44Well, Granny, it turned out that that there was something called a tennis court.
03:49What in tarnation is a tennis?
03:53I don't know, but one of these days we'll get us a pair of them and go to raisin' them
03:56out there.
03:57Well, you go to raisin' them.
03:59I'm going back home where I can get some good things in life like hog jowls and possum champs.
04:04Now, hold on, Granny.
04:06Jethro's out hunting possums right now.
04:08Well, he won't find none.
04:10I've been all over these Beverly Hills.
04:12And I tell you, it ain't easy.
04:14Climbing fences and walls and jumping over hedges to get around those cement ponds
04:19where there are a lot of half-naked women laying there smearing themselves with oil
04:24and yelling at you to get out, get out.
04:26I tell you, Jed, this place is full of the laziest, greasiest, unfriendliest mess of people I ever did lay
04:32my eyes on.
04:34Oh, here, here, here's Jethro.
04:36Hiya, boy, what'd you get?
04:37I got chased by a fellow with a club.
04:40Now, you hear that, Jed?
04:42It says Beverly Hill Bullies pickin' on a little boy like Jethro.
04:46Come on, Jethro, load up the truck and let's head for home.
04:49Ah, hold on.
04:50I think I know what's ailing you two.
04:52You're just plain old homesick.
04:54Well, I'm sick of this home, I can tell you that.
04:56Yeah, now, I got a surprise.
04:58I've been a kind of savin'.
04:59I reckon now's a good time as any to let the cat out of the bag.
05:02We need pigs and chickens and he gets us a cat.
05:07Now, that ain't the surprise, Granny.
05:08The surprise is, Pearl's comin' out here.
05:12Ma's comin' out here?
05:13Yeah, and she's bringin' your sister, Jethro.
05:15Hot diggity dog!
05:17Yeah, I wrote her a letter.
05:18I said, uh, Pearl, I says, um, why don't you come out here and bring Jethro?
05:23We got lots of room and plenty to eat and we sure is a hanker to see ya.
05:28Oh, boy, I gotta get us some possum now.
05:30Uh, cause if there's one thing Ma and Jethroen likes, it's grits and possum shanks.
05:36You don't look particular cheered up, Granny.
05:39Jed, you might fool that boy with a story like that, but not me.
05:44What do you mean?
05:45Since when can you write letters?
05:47Now, wait a minute, Granny.
05:48Now, wait a minute.
05:49Wait a minute.
05:50Granny, I didn't write that letter by hand.
05:52Hell, the pencil pricked your toes, did ya?
05:55No, I wrote it by a new way.
05:57The banker's secretary showed me.
05:58It's called, uh, dictatation.
06:01What's dictatation?
06:02Well, it's wonderful, Granny.
06:03You just talk and she writes it down.
06:05She sure must write fast.
06:07Yeah, and with a bad hand, too.
06:09She got a bad hand?
06:11This one.
06:12She calls it her shorthand.
06:15I don't care how many letters you dictate, Jed.
06:19Pearl ain't a-coming out here.
06:21Leastwise, not right now.
06:22Well, sure she is, Granny.
06:24She's looking to find a husband for Jethroen.
06:25I'll tell you who Pearl is a-looking to get a husband for.
06:28Pearl.
06:29And I think she's got her cap set for that oil man that bought your swamp.
06:33Mr. Brewster?
06:34Why, he lives clean over to Tulsa.
06:36Yeah, but pumping oil brings them over to your place.
06:40And I'll bet you pigs to polecats that when he shows up, Pearl ain't fur behind.
06:56There he is.
06:59Hold on, Jeddre.
07:12Hold on, Jeddre.
07:38Why, Mr. Brewster, of all people.
07:42Fancy meeting you here.
07:43Small world, ain't it?
07:44Yes, it certainly is.
07:45Oh, this here's my daughter, Jethroen.
07:48This is Mr. Brewster, dear.
07:49I'm pleased to meet you, young lady.
07:53Hi.
07:54May I give you a hand, Mrs. Bodine?
07:56Oh, thank you.
07:57Stay in the buggy, dear.
07:59Careful now.
08:00There.
08:01There we are.
08:03Well, I see you girls are on your way to a Halloween party.
08:06What kind of party?
08:08Uh, Halloween.
08:10What's a Halloween?
08:11Uh, you don't celebrate Halloween here in the hills?
08:15Well, I never heard of it.
08:17What's it like?
08:18Well, uh, it's an occasion where everyone gets dressed up in their most beautiful clothes.
08:24Oh, these old things, they're just something I threw together myself.
08:29Well, they look like they came from Saks.
08:31Well, they didn't.
08:33I made them with store-bought yard goods.
08:36Isn't that, Jethroen?
08:37Yes, sir.
08:38Uh, well, uh, what, uh, what brings you girls here on this beautiful Indian summer day?
08:44Following you.
08:48We, we, we was headed this way anyway.
08:51I promised to keep an eye on the old home place for Cousin Jed, remember?
08:55Oh, I hope he won't mind that I had a telephone put in the cabin.
08:59You see, we're using it as a sort of a field office.
09:01Oh, he, he won't mind.
09:04Especially if you would show it to me and I could see for myself that there was no damage done
09:09to the cabin.
09:10Well, that's quite all right.
09:11Come along, huh?
09:12Yes, stay in the buggy, dear.
09:14Well, perhaps she'd like to stretch her legs.
09:16They're long enough now.
09:17Yeah, Jethroen's awful tall for age.
09:20She takes after her father.
09:21Her late father, that is.
09:23I'm a widow.
09:25Yes, I believe you told me.
09:27Oh, that, that's right.
09:28That's when you told me you was a widower.
09:31Uh, yes.
09:32You, um, still are, I suppose.
09:34A widower?
09:35No, yes.
09:38Stay in the buggy, dear.
09:58I'm going back where I should have stayed in the first place.
10:02Now, Granny, before you do something, you're allowed to be sorry for her.
10:05You better take another look around, see all the nice things we got here that you wouldn't have back home.
10:10Oh, like what?
10:11Oh, like this great big cooking room, for one thing.
10:14Well, you could take our whole cabin and put it right in this one room.
10:18Well, if you did that, I might stay.
10:22What about them big ice boxes?
10:24Ain't got nothing like them back home?
10:26Didn't need them.
10:27Got nippy in the fall like the good Lord intended it to.
10:30This crazy California stays warm all year round.
10:34That's awfully good for growing things.
10:37Look at that fruit there.
10:38You ever in your whole born days ever see anything as pretty as that fruit?
10:42Don't spoil neither.
10:43Don't taste neither.
10:44Oh, now.
10:45Jethro ate a whole bunch of them grapes.
10:47Two apples, a pear, and a whole handful of strawberries.
10:51And he said there wasn't one bit of juice in the whole kit and caboodle of them.
10:55He said it was dry as wax.
11:05Here's my drying gummy.
11:09Maybe you ain't supposed to eat this fruit.
11:11That's the trouble with this miserable place.
11:13You ain't supposed to do nothing.
11:15You ain't supposed to have cows or pigs or chickens.
11:18You ain't supposed to fire up the still and make a little moonshine whiskey.
11:22Answer me.
11:23What can you do in this Beverly Hills?
11:25Well, you can do lots of things, Granny.
11:27Things you couldn't do back home.
11:29Name one.
11:31Well, uh, and call up your friends on the telephone.
11:35No, you can't.
11:36Why not?
11:37Because we ain't got no friends.
11:39That's why not.
11:40There ain't been one neighbor come a-calling on us since we moved in here.
11:44Oh, so that's what's ailing you.
11:47Nobody's been coming to call.
11:48Well, now you've got to remember what Pearl said.
11:51This here is Beverly Hills where the movie stars live.
11:54What's that got to do with it?
11:56What's that got to do with being friendly?
11:59Nothing.
11:59I just thought it might sidetrack you.
12:02Well, it didn't.
12:04Movie stars are people just like us, ain't they?
12:07Yeah, certainly it's prettier.
12:09wouldn't it be worth waiting for if one of these days there come a knock on the door
12:13and we go to answer it and we open up the door and standing there would be Mary Pickford.
12:20Mary Pickford?
12:21Yeah, with the golden curls hanging down her back and her pretty little rosebud mouth saying friendly things like,
12:30uh, howdy there, I'm Mary Pickford.
12:33Oh, you'd say to that.
12:35I'd say who's Mary Pickford, that's right.
12:40Granny, she's America's sweetheart.
12:43You know that movie house where Pearl plays Pawiante on Saturday nights?
12:47I heard of it.
12:48Well, she says little old Mary is everybody's favorite, right?
12:51Well, tell me this.
12:52If Mary Pickford moved in that little cabin down the creek from us back home,
12:57what would we do?
12:59Oh, we'd have gone calling and brought her over a mess of pwn and skin possum.
13:05Yeah.
13:06And has Mary Pickford brought us a mess of pwn and skin possum?
13:10No, she ain't.
13:12You've got to remember, Granny, she probably spent four or five hours a day just fooling with
13:16and combing that beautiful curl that hangs clear down to...
13:20Uncle Jim!
13:22Well, hello, Jethro.
13:23What'd you get this time?
13:24I got arrested.
13:27Yeah.
13:28Policeman, he took my gun away.
13:30He said they don't allow hunting in Beverly Hills.
13:32That doesn't, that doesn't.
13:34Then he pointed to old Duke here.
13:36He said, that dog had his rabies shot?
13:38And I said, no, sir, that dog ain't had nothing shot.
13:41I'm careful with a gun.
13:43He said, oh, a wise guy, huh?
13:47So he put Duke and me in his police car.
13:49But we jumped out and run.
13:51Oh, is Ma and Jethro in here yet?
13:53No, and they ain't a-coming.
13:54Now, if you want to see your Ma and your sis, you pack up that truck and you and me
13:58will skedaddle back home where folks is friendly.
14:02Now, Granny.
14:10Now, Granny, will you just let me say one thing?
14:16Well, you be quick, because I've got a long trip ahead of me.
14:22Granny, I know it ain't been easy for you out here.
14:25New things is always vexing, especially at your age.
14:28But I'm bound and determined to keep this family together.
14:31And if you go back to the hills, we's all going with you.
14:34Now, I'm asking you please to stay.
14:36Not for my sake, but for Ellie Mae.
14:39Granny, what this place has done for her is a plain miracle.
14:44Why, that wild engine has become a grand lady.
14:47I wish you could have seen her go out that door looking like a queen in a picture book.
14:52I tell you, I just wanted to sit down and bawl.
14:55The way you done when I married her mom.
14:58Now, she's just...
14:59Huh?
15:01She's out there now.
15:02Now, just wait, Granny.
15:04Wait till you see.
15:05In here, Ellie Mae.
15:06Huh?
15:07You sure was I.
15:09Oh, hi, Granny.
15:10You don't have to wear boys' clothes to have fun with boys.
15:14Ellie Mae, you promised me you wouldn't wrestle.
15:16I ain't been wrestling.
15:18Then what have you been doing in your ball gown?
15:20Doing what I'm supposed to do.
15:22Playing ball.
15:25Oh, I made two touchdowns and kicked three field goals.
15:38Well, your cousin certainly seems anxious for you to come to Beverly Hills, Mrs. Bodine.
15:42Will you?
15:45Mrs. Bodine?
15:47Yeah.
15:48Will you?
15:49Yeah.
15:51Will I what?
15:53Go to Beverly Hills to visit your cousin, Mr. Cranford.
15:57Oh, well, not right now.
16:00I'm awful busy.
16:01You see, I do fancy sewing and hat making and give beauty courses and personality building
16:08and music lessons.
16:09Then on Saturday, I play the piano over the movie show to Oxford.
16:13And then, of course, there are my young ones, Jethro and Jethreen.
16:16Of course, they're no trouble.
16:17Oh, Jethro's in California.
16:19And Jethreen, she's fixing to get married.
16:21Well, congratulations.
16:23Uh, when's the wedding?
16:24Soon as she finds a fella.
16:28Well, you certainly are a busy woman, Mrs. Bodine.
16:31Yeah.
16:32As Cousin Jed used to say,
16:35The fella that gets you sure don't have to worry about supporting you.
16:40Ah, ha, ha, ha.
16:42Uh, well, uh, this is the phone I was telling you about.
16:46It's called a field telephone.
16:48Now, with this, I can communicate directly with the men working at the drilling site.
17:03Any young men down there?
17:05No, yes.
17:07Any unmarried young men?
17:10I'm sure there are.
17:17Any tall unmarried young men?
17:20Well, they're probably all sizes.
17:23Yeah.
17:24Suppose it gets pretty lonesome working down there.
17:27It's very likely.
17:29This is rather an isolated area.
17:31Uh-huh.
17:32Any specially tall, specially lonesome unmarried young ones?
17:37I don't think I can call any by name, no.
17:41Uh-huh.
17:42Uh-huh.
17:51I was just wondering.
17:58Student, ma'am.
17:59Could you tell me where the oil drillers are working today?
18:03Well, now, what have we here?
18:10Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.
18:13And pretty, too.
18:15You know what, honey?
18:16I got something here just for you.
18:19A genuine French garter imported all the way from Paris, France.
18:23They usually sell for 50 cents, but, honey, you can have it for a quarter.
18:28Listen, honey, I'm going to be around a couple of days.
18:30You busy Saturday night?
18:32Well, you are now.
18:34And there's a dance over in Hooterville.
18:37Ooh-wee!
18:38I bet you're an armful of mama.
18:40I mean it, honey.
18:42I like big girls.
18:45You just do things, tell me.
18:47You're carrying me away.
18:49All right.
18:53Hey, what's going on here?
19:09Oh, there you are.
19:11What are you doing?
19:13I'm figuring.
19:14And I figure best when I'm fishing.
19:16There ain't no fish in there.
19:18I ain't fishing for fish.
19:19I'm fishing for figuring.
19:22Hey, what kind of figuring you fishing for?
19:25I'm fishing to figure how I can get home.
19:28Now, Granny, I've been doing some figuring, too.
19:30And, you know, I think I got it figured out
19:33how come the neighbors ain't come to visit us.
19:36I'm listening.
19:37Well, the way I got it figured,
19:39out here in Beverly Hills,
19:41instead of them coming to see us,
19:43we go to see them.
19:45How come?
19:46Oh, I don't know how come.
19:48That's just the way I got it figured.
19:50Mighty convenient figuring.
19:52Granny, it wouldn't do no harm
19:54to give it a try.
19:56A lot of things are different out here.
19:59Well, I'll fish on it first, Bell.
20:03Take possible.
20:05Feed like a whale.
20:07Who said there ain't fish in here?
20:09Well, that's the prettiest I ever seen.
20:11I got you, you rascal.
20:14I'm going to throw you right in the frying pan.
20:17This thing ain't nothing but skin.
20:20That's your Beverly Hills for you.
20:22All flashy and show on the outside
20:24and nothing on the inside where it counts.
20:31Fishin' people is two different things.
20:34We're going to callin' on our neighbors
20:35and then we'll do our judging.
20:44Well, let's see now.
20:46Which neighbor shall we call on first?
20:48Mr. Drysdale's off in Boston with his missus,
20:51so let's go this way.
20:52If you ask me, let's go back that way.
20:55Now, Granny, you promise.
20:56Come on, everybody, let's go.
21:00You reckon they'll give us a mess of palm
21:02or something, Pa?
21:04Or maybe some salted-down possum.
21:06Probably so, lie on us.
21:14I'm not expecting anyone, Agnes.
21:17Oh, it's probably just them children
21:19playing trick-or-treat, ma'am.
21:23Hi, ma'am.
21:25We's at Clampetts.
21:26You got something for us?
21:27Yes, sir.
21:28Aren't you rather big for this?
21:31Yes, ma'am, we are.
21:33In fact, I don't see how anybody
21:34gets through that little door.
21:36Just a minute.
21:40Come in.
21:43Come in and set a spell
21:44as you folks say up in the hill.
21:47Well, we, uh, thank you.
21:48We got a lot of calls to make.
21:51This here is Granny.
21:53Howdy.
21:54Hello.
21:54I'm my daughter, Ellie.
21:57Oh.
21:57And if you, Jethro.
22:00Jethro.
22:00And I'm Jed.
22:02Hello, Jed.
22:03I'm Agnes.
22:04Just call me Aggie.
22:07Mighty nice place you got here, Aggie.
22:09Oh, shucks.
22:10It ain't nothing but a heap of bricks,
22:11but we call it home.
22:15Well, it sure is nice to meet up with you.
22:17Oh, well, now, wait, wait just a minute.
22:19I got something for you.
22:20Wait a second.
22:21Here you go, Granny.
22:22And Ellie.
22:23That's you.
22:25And Jethro.
22:26Oh, you and Jethro.
22:28There.
22:29Well, thank you.
22:31That's mighty neighborly of you.
22:32And you must come and see us sometime.
22:34Yeah, we'll go hunting together.
22:36Hey, Aggie, you like to play football?
22:39Love it.
22:40Well, there's a whole bunch of fellas
22:41that plays in the pasture down the way a piece.
22:43And they'd like it just fine
22:45if I could bring some more girls along.
22:49And don't forget.
22:54Please, can we go out now?
22:59Not yet, children.
23:00Not till it gets dark.
23:14Ain't that the most pitiful thing?
23:17Heart-rendering.
23:18Just heart-rendering.
23:20Nice-looking woman.
23:22Friendly as you please.
23:24But them young'uns is the home list I ever see.
23:27I knew she didn't want to come a-calling on us.
23:30Yeah.
23:30Reckon I'd stay home, too,
23:32if my kids looked like that.
23:34Jethro, I ain't never gonna say
23:36a bad word about nobody.
23:38I know what you mean.
23:41Jethro, every house we went to,
23:43they was nice to us, wasn't they?
23:45Sure was, Jethro.
23:47Hey, listen, everybody.
23:49I got an idea.
23:51Let's call up Cousin Pearl
23:53and tell her to come on out of here.
23:55Uncle Jed, you can't call Ma on the telephone.
23:58Well, Mrs. Drysdale said we could call anybody
24:00we had a mind to.
24:01Well, Ma, she ain't got no telephone at home.
24:04Don't matter.
24:04Jethro ain't never home, no how.
24:06Well, you gotta look at it.
24:07You can't ever tell what you can do
24:09until you try.
24:14Don't forget to spin the wheel.
24:16I'm gonna help.
24:24Howdy, ma'am.
24:26I want to talk to Pearl Bodine
24:28back in Oxford.
24:30That's right, operator.
24:32J.D. Clampett in Beverly Hills.
24:33Oh, Jed's sure gonna be surprised
24:36to hear me talking at him on this thing.
24:39Oh, they're ready to make a connection.
24:45Hello?
24:47Jed, is that you, Ted?
24:48You betcha, it is.
24:49Hello, Pearl, you old raster.
24:51What you doing down there?
24:53How's that right, Pearl?
24:54This here's Ellie.
24:55Jethro talk in a minute,
24:56but first I want to say something.
24:58You gotta come out here to Beverly Hills
25:01and bring Jethreen.
25:03If she can't get a husband out here,
25:06there ain't no hope.
25:07You ain't never seen so many homely young'uns
25:10in all your born days.
25:30Well, now it's time to say goodbye
25:32to Jed and all his kin.
25:34And they would like to thank you folks
25:36for kindly dropping in.
25:38We're all invited back next week
25:39to this locality
25:41to have a heaping helping
25:43of their hospitality.
25:45Hillbilly, that is.
25:47Set a spell.
25:48Take your shoes off.
25:49You all come back now.
25:51Hear?
25:53This has been a Filmways presentation.
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