- 5 weeks ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00I think there's a bit of a stare-off happening there, so to me, you just stare at Tilly and
00:03see what happens.
00:03Don't say a word though. Ready?
00:26Have you ever done out like that?
00:28Well, I ain't telling you what they had.
00:32Oh, Barcelona.
00:35No, I don't like that this guy's trying to tell me how to eat my dinner.
00:39A what?
00:39False fetish.
00:41I had no idea that was a thing.
00:42Remove my britches.
00:43Expose your loins.
00:45I like that.
00:48Oh, what night.
00:50This is weird.
00:51Jeez, it's a mercy, fucker, isn't he?
00:53This is why I don't date.
00:54His art is dicing with the devil.
00:55Oh, no.
00:56He suffers for his art, doesn't he?
00:58Clearly.
00:59A Bentley Continental.
01:01I think I'd rather call it a day now, say, wouldn't you?
01:04Who's been arrested now and for what?
01:08In the week we were battered by Storm Dave and basting the hottest day of the year,
01:14we enjoyed lots of great telling.
01:17Sugar's shortlist were feeling the pressure on BBC One.
01:20No, I wrote this, so I was having a conversation with the AI to help it improve my work and
01:25my ideas and I have all of the logs.
01:27Just last week I was doing reviews for my stuff and my other manager goes,
01:31why is it taking me so long?
01:32Why don't you just use AI?
01:33I used AI.
01:34Just do that.
01:35And I said, sorry, no, no, because my reports will not be written by some little AI.
01:42You're his best friend's AI.
01:44Shut up.
01:44I used it for advice not to write my work for me.
01:48David Attenborough was poking around closer to home.
01:51From the wilds of Scotland to a metropolitan oasis.
01:58Metropolitan oasis, aka a London back garden.
02:01Yes.
02:02Or as people like to call it, yard.
02:04Yeah.
02:05Or as one of our relatives called it, a knife-wielding metropolis.
02:10And NASA's big rocket took us further than we've ever been before.
02:15It will take about four days to get to the moon.
02:18Then they'll fly around its far side, the side we never see from Earth.
02:21Oh, I can think of so many better things I could do in a week.
02:24I could get the blinds cleaned.
02:26I could do a nice spring clear out.
02:29I could do all sorts of things.
02:30I'd just class that as waste of time, mate.
02:31It's such a waste of time, oh, to go and look at the stupid, silly, fat moon.
02:44In Blackpool...
02:45It's that time.
02:46Oh, God.
02:47My Easter egg smash.
02:49My annual smash.
02:52Chuck it here there.
02:53What are you going to do?
02:54Well, I've been thinking, what's the hardest bit of my body?
02:59Pete and his little sister, Sophie.
03:02So I'm thinking, if you hold it there like that...
03:05Right.
03:05Right.
03:05..and I'm going to, I'm going to go like that...
03:10Right.
03:11..straight down.
03:12Right.
03:12..but I'll do it precisely so that it doesn't hit your fingers.
03:17Right.
03:19Honestly, I've tried this with Paige.
03:21It was easy.
03:22You ready?
03:24Three, two, one!
03:27Oh, shit!
03:29Idiot!
03:31Oh!
03:32On Thursday night, more city slickers were feeling the strain on the BBC.
03:38Shay, could you have Alan Sugar as a boss?
03:39We've already got you as a boss.
03:41You're just as bad, Andre.
03:42Me?
03:42Yeah, you are.
03:44I think, yeah, I have fired you quite a few times.
03:46And I keep coming back.
03:48When I was a child, I actually wanted to be a baker.
03:51And that's what I am now, so my dream actually came true.
03:55And I've never had a dream.
03:59I just let life take me where it wants to.
04:08You're fired.
04:11I love this week.
04:12This is the best week, Lee.
04:13Interview week.
04:15Sometimes, you know, I don't even show up for the interviews.
04:17I just...
04:18No, honestly, I don't show up for them.
04:21In the programme, PR man Lawrence was facing the hot seat.
04:25Pleasure to meet you.
04:28Oh, straight in with Claude.
04:30Claude.
04:31He's not even looked up at him.
04:32Claude's brutal.
04:33So, obviously, Illicum, it's no surprise to you that I've read your business plan.
04:37Yes.
04:38And I get a bit of a shock, really.
04:40Oh, no.
04:40You are asking for a funding requirement, which is 5.5 million.
04:46What?
04:495.5 million.
04:51Really?
04:51You're not on Dragon's Den.
04:525.5 million.
04:54Before we even start, you've excluded yourself from this whole process.
04:59It's not funny.
05:00I'm not laughing.
05:00It's very serious.
05:01You are laughing.
05:01That would be mean.
05:02I'm not funny.
05:03I'd be like...
05:04I laugh when I'm nervous, innit?
05:06I wouldn't smoke it, God.
05:08Okay, show me where you've got a profit and loss account,
05:11which shows £250,000 start.
05:15Show me.
05:15First of all, I can't see a profit and loss account anywhere.
05:17There.
05:18Let's have a look.
05:18There's the financial model.
05:20Are you joking?
05:20Are you joking?
05:21You want me to look at that?
05:22I understand.
05:23Oh, he's getting cross.
05:24Ah!
05:25He didn't even print it properly.
05:27Oh, my God, where's the ink?
05:28The investment is £250,000.
05:30I don't know how we get past that, to be honest with you.
05:32I mean, you want to argue with Lord Sugar, you can.
05:34Okay.
05:35Okay.
05:35Oh, that didn't go well.
05:39Didn't go well at all, Lawrence.
05:40No.
05:41It's lovely to get a handshake.
05:44Ah-ha!
05:44This might go a bit better.
05:46Oh, it's Claudine.
05:47God, there's Claudine Claudine.
05:49This lady's name is Claudine.
05:51No.
05:52I was convinced she was just Claudine with a wig.
05:54Yeah.
05:55That would have been wicked.
05:57It might be.
05:58I've looked at your business plan, and no way does it say £250,000.
06:03Yeah.
06:04Get out!
06:06The business plan is 75 pages long, full of jargons and acronyms.
06:1275 pages long?
06:13That's crazy.
06:15Who's reading 75 pages?
06:16I've read shorter novels, Steve.
06:19Did you actually write this, or was this written by AI?
06:23Oh, no.
06:24Which is also called Claud.
06:29No, I wrote this, so I was having a conversation with the AI
06:32to help it improve my work and my ideas, and I have all of the logs.
06:35Oh, God.
06:36You map it.
06:38I mean, PR mainly, it's about who you know at various publications and media.
06:43So, do you have contacts at, like, the Financial Times yourself?
06:46Of course, yeah, of course.
06:47Yeah, so who's your most senior contact at the FT?
06:49At the FT, um...
06:51Oh, go on.
06:52Tell them.
06:53I'm just trying to think through the FT.
06:55I do know people.
06:56Uh-oh.
06:57Who's trying to think?
06:58Yeah, reception's quite nice to me.
07:00Yeah, uh, there's Dave.
07:02I've bumped into Dave once in the lobby.
07:04To exit the canteen.
07:06Margaret!
07:07She gives me a real good advice.
07:09I'm trying to remember their name.
07:10Um, Laura, um...
07:12You know Laura?
07:12She's got two legs.
07:14Yeah!
07:15You've absolutely made my day.
07:16Two-leg Laura.
07:17Two-leg Laura, you know Laura.
07:19Two-leg Laura.
07:21On your business plan, the 250,000 that Lord Sugar's going to give you,
07:26it's going to be immediately consumed.
07:28Linda's going to rip him apart now.
07:30Oh, she looks the most brutal out the lot.
07:33Yeah, it's the fringe.
07:34With them diamond earrings.
07:35Do you think he's going to be happy with that, that the 250,000's just immediately gone?
07:39Would Lord Sugar rather have 50% of a business worth 250,000 or 5% of a business worth
07:4550 million?
07:46This isn't about his ego.
07:47Oh, he's having a go at air, isn't he?
07:50I like it.
07:51Lawrence is out of traps.
07:52Well, I think it's about yours if you think this business is going to be worth 50 million.
07:56Oh, Linda!
07:58Linda's going to put final nailing cough in here.
08:01So, let's talk about the time frame.
08:03Yes.
08:03Because all these AI features can take a considerable amount of time to develop.
08:07Mm.
08:08What if they don't work?
08:09Oh, Linda being a smart.
08:11What if they don't work?
08:12I was going to answer this one now, eh?
08:15I mean, what if I walk out of here and I get hit by the car?
08:18Look, don't, you know...
08:19Oh, no, you don't say that.
08:21No, no, no.
08:21Oh, he's being a smart-ass.
08:23That is not the way to get somebody on time.
08:25No.
08:26Look, I am interviewing you for 250,000 pounds.
08:29Do not give me cocky answers.
08:32Oh, I'm dead.
08:34Lawrence, shut up.
08:36I apologise.
08:37Yes, thank you.
08:38Lawrence.
08:39He's gone into child mode now.
08:41Yes, Linda.
08:42Sorry, Nan.
08:43Sorry, Linda.
08:43I believe that there's...
08:45The interview is over.
08:46Thank you very much.
08:46I really appreciate the time, so thank you very much.
08:51Linda has absolutely ate him up there and spat him out.
08:55This is why you don't lie on your CV.
08:56Come on, you.
08:58Don't be writing your friends as your references.
09:02I always do that.
09:03I know you do.
09:03I've seen you do it.
09:05Someone put me down for a reference before and never told me,
09:08so when I got the phone call and they were like,
09:10hi, yeah, this person put you down as a reference.
09:12I said, what?
09:14Not me.
09:15Yeah, it could have been.
09:16They obviously didn't get the job because of me,
09:18but that taught them a lesson.
09:20Don't lie.
09:21And if you're going to lie, add me a part of the lie.
09:28Margaret came round to mine yesterday and she rang me up,
09:31said, was I going out with the dogs?
09:32I said, no, we've already been.
09:34I said, but I'm doing my dinner and it'll probably be ready in about an hour.
09:37She went, right, well, I'll whip back park for a walk.
09:39Then I'll come to yours.
09:43Next thing, Bobby's having to sit on sofa and watch a telly eating his dinner.
09:46Margaret's tucking into a full roast dinner.
09:48Well, he wouldn't have been complaining about that, will he?
09:51Exactly, he won't.
09:51He loves a TV dinner, does Bobby?
09:53He loves a TV dinner, but I thought, bloody hell,
09:56she knew what she were doing coming round to my house for dish-up time, didn't she?
10:00She's always just in right place at right time, isn't she, Margaret, for a dinner?
10:03You could smell that roast chicken from Overt Road.
10:07On Wednesday night, everyone's favourite outspoken interviewers were back on ITV1.
10:13Oh, Lee, ho-ho, one of my favourites.
10:17Oh, I love this, oh, I love this.
10:19Yeah, they've cracked something with the assembly, haven't they?
10:22It's almost a fresh way of looking at people that we think we know a lot about.
10:31Oh, it's Stephen Fry!
10:34Oh, my God!
10:35Oh, this is going to be fun.
10:36Oh, he's famous for being an atheist as well, isn't he?
10:39I've seen him speak about a lot on some stuff.
10:41Is he?
10:42Your uncle Dave's an atheist.
10:43I heard you went back in the palace and do drugs, sneaking drugs and cocaine.
10:50What?
10:52He said he sat down 20 seconds ago.
10:58The programme's not even started yet, they're just settling in.
11:02Caroline's like, are you on drugs now?
11:03It's a pleasure to watch because they ask the questions we want to ask, isn't it?
11:08That's the joy of it.
11:09It's absolute joy.
11:11We are delighted to have you today.
11:14Our rules are no subject is out of bounds.
11:17We've gathered that.
11:18My first question is...
11:20He's looking a bit nervous.
11:22Yeah.
11:22I think it is because he's already been hit with the coke in Buckingham Palace question.
11:26Can you help me meet my idol and icon and legend,
11:31the amazing human being, the Queen of Pop, Dame Céline Marie Claudette Dion?
11:39Oh, yes!
11:41Yes, yes, yes!
11:43Well, Tristan will be right beside you then, mate.
11:47I wish I could help you there.
11:49I'm afraid I don't know Céline Dion.
11:51Oh, what a disappointment.
11:53Oh.
11:54I think I was once in the same room as her, but I didn't speak to her.
11:58Oh, my God.
11:59How could you be in the same room and not speak to Céline Dion?
12:02Well, baby, he decided to let her have a little bit of personal space, love.
12:06No!
12:08I'm London.
12:09That means I'm gay and pride LGBT.
12:12What is your advice on finding a husband, question mark?
12:15He's got a younger man, hasn't he?
12:17He's half his bloody age.
12:19Well, I mean, it's a different world now because so many spouses are found online.
12:26Yeah.
12:26Yeah, see?
12:27That's how we met, isn't it?
12:29Yeah, online.
12:30My last question, final question is, are you a top or a bottom?
12:34Oh, what's that mean?
12:38What's a top or a bottom?
12:39Oh, Jenny, shut up.
12:41I don't know.
12:41What is it?
12:43A top or a bottom?
12:44Are you a top or a bottom?
12:45She?
12:50Oh, Jesus, is he going to answer that?
12:53Wow, that is as direct as it gets.
12:56Come on, Stephen, I want to know the answer.
12:59So do I.
13:00I want to know the question.
13:02I'm going to leave that a mystery for people to guess.
13:05Oh!
13:06Oh!
13:07Boring.
13:09There is V in the middle, of course, versatile, is there not?
13:12Bit of both, I like that.
13:14He has his curry with chips and rice.
13:16He's half and half.
13:17Hey, every day's a school day, George.
13:19Wicked.
13:19I think you'd be a bottom, George.
13:22What would I be?
13:24Top.
13:28Nicola will be next.
13:31Hello, Stephen.
13:32Hello, Nicola.
13:33I mean, where'd you go from there?
13:36Where?
13:37What order do you wash your body parts?
13:42We've got Stephen Frey here to ask him questions.
13:44I see what he washes first.
13:47So, I think downstairs and then upstairs.
13:50What?
13:50Downstairs, then upstairs?
13:51You don't wipe your arse and wash your face, Stephen.
13:55Oh, that's a weird orderly, innit?
13:58I always worked top to bottom.
14:00I do all the same when I'm cleaning the house.
14:02I always worked from top to bottom.
14:04How much have you spent on cocaine?
14:08How much have you spent on cocaine?
14:10I probably wasted thousands.
14:14Where'd I get the cocaine from?
14:15Where?
14:16What's his dealer?
14:17Have you got his phone number?
14:18You get a dealer.
14:19A dealer?
14:20A dealer, yeah.
14:21Wow.
14:21Where'd you get the dealer from?
14:23Where?
14:25Oh, fuck them.
14:27They're all on him.
14:28Have you got any contacts for Celine Dion and a drug dealer that can get us cocaine?
14:32This sounds like a brilliant night that's about to unfold.
14:35Have you been drinking on crack cocaine and beating it up your nose?
14:40Yeah, up your nose.
14:41Yeah, not crack cocaine.
14:42That's your smoke, I think.
14:43I've never had that.
14:44He's on crack now.
14:46He's a crack addict.
14:47Crack cocaine and cocaine is a different thing, right?
14:50Isn't it, Sarah?
14:51What are you asking me for?
14:52I don't know.
14:55I'll just have to find out what the top and bottom is.
14:58I thought it was cheats.
15:00That's the only top and bottom I know.
15:02Cheats.
15:03Yeah, we'll go with that.
15:04Yeah.
15:05I wonder what Ray is.
15:07He's never mentioned it.
15:17I'm sorry.
15:19You know, my chest infections and throat and stuff.
15:23Yes.
15:23I have got something's happened and I've kind of, I've looked it up.
15:28I've checked GPT and they call it dog jaw.
15:30Simon and his sister Jane.
15:33You feel that.
15:35For God's sake, you absolute arse, Simon.
15:41It's all the crazy on the socials, Jane.
15:42It really scared me.
15:45On Sunday night, we got to see some nature that was close to home on BBC One.
15:51I found one toad, Mary, which I was going to show to the sewage emptying man.
15:59And when I lifted the pot up, I said, I want to introduce you to the toad.
16:03This is the cottage toad.
16:05And he said, oh, no, he must have escaped.
16:08He said, probably to Westminster, where he belongs.
16:11That was funny of him and sharp, wasn't it?
16:14Mm.
16:14Sharp Wiltshire Whit.
16:15Across the British Isles, there are magical places.
16:19Our pride and joy are gardens.
16:23Oh, I don't know about that.
16:24Fucking the gardens around me.
16:25There's mattresses in them.
16:26There's fucking beds.
16:27There's all sorts.
16:33I am obsessed with David Attenborough full stop.
16:37But David Attenborough, in the UK, in gardens, just slaps.
16:43I mean, your secret garden, Jenny, is your bedroom.
16:46You're growing some eyes, innit?
16:48Yeah, I am.
16:49A mill house has been standing here since the doomsday book.
16:54I mean, that's not your average back garden, though, is it?
16:56No.
16:58Sarah and Henry are the latest in a long line of owners.
17:03Do you know what?
17:03It really warms the cockles of my heart that two boomers have got a load of lovely wildlife
17:09living in the back garden of their weekend boathole.
17:14Henry and Sarah have an affectionate name for one regular visitor.
17:19Oh, they've got ducks.
17:22Doris.
17:22Doris.
17:23Doris.
17:23Doris the duck.
17:25One of my chickens is called Doris.
17:27She needs a place to nest.
17:29Oh, she wants a house now straight away, don't she?
17:31Now, I'd be interested to see the sort of places they nest.
17:36Oh, they've got a danger, Mary.
17:39Oh, what is that?
17:40Is that a crocodile?
17:42Oh, sorry.
17:44In a garden?
17:45Oh, yeah, sorry.
17:46Not easy to find in this garden.
17:51Oh, otter.
17:52Otters are shits, aren't they?
17:54Oh, my days.
17:55I'm going to cry.
17:57Oh, my God, I love otters.
17:58Why are you so emotional?
18:01As the days get longer, the otter's diet shifts to larger, plumper prey.
18:09Oh, no.
18:10Please tell me the otter's not going to eat a dog.
18:14Mallards usually nest on the ground.
18:19But here, Doris has a safer choice.
18:24What are you going to do, Doris?
18:27On a tree?
18:28Yes, Doris.
18:29That is so smart.
18:30Let's go.
18:35Nine new lives begin to appear.
18:39Oh, are they sweet?
18:41Lee, look.
18:42Oh, at the bonnie.
18:44The mother must lead her flightless babies down from the nest.
18:48How's she going to do that?
18:50Imagine trying to get nine kids out of the house.
18:52I just never go anywhere.
18:59Right, come on.
19:00This is what you've got to do.
19:02Just jump.
19:07All he's doing is going.
19:08There's the first one.
19:09Oh, that's a brave one.
19:10That wouldn't be you, Shay.
19:11No.
19:12That would not be you.
19:13I would be the last one.
19:15Their downy feathers cushion their fall.
19:19Oh, straight on the floor.
19:22Oh, fucking hell.
19:30Oh, blimey, Simon.
19:32It's like watching Mission Impossible with ducks.
19:38They're now six weeks old.
19:40Bloody hell, they're shot up, aren't they?
19:45Oh, here we go.
19:47Oh, that's it.
19:47Bloody otter.
19:48Oh, please don't spoil the story.
19:51Dot, it's Easter.
19:52She's leading her family into harm's way.
19:57Oh, no, no, no, Doris, Doris.
20:00Please don't.
20:01Might as well cover herself in spring onions now.
20:05And all he said.
20:09Oh, here he comes.
20:11And he's a slimy bastard, isn't he?
20:15So Doris puts her own life on the line.
20:19So Doris puts her own life on the line.
20:19You see, that's what a mother does.
20:21Mm-hm.
20:21Protect all her babies.
20:23Yeah.
20:23She's putting herself on the line.
20:25Oh, right.
20:26For the kids.
20:27Ah, well, she should.
20:27You'd have just taken flight.
20:29Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
20:31Acting as a decoy.
20:34Oh!
20:35Oh, my God.
20:36It's a risky game.
20:44Oh, yoi, yoi.
20:46Whoa.
20:51Go on, Doris.
20:53Oh, there we are.
20:54She's too quick for him.
20:57Remarkably, it works.
20:59Yes!
21:02Ha!
21:03She's a clever bird.
21:06Outsmarted by a duck.
21:07I was going to have duck for Chinese,
21:09so I don't think I can eat it.
21:10No, don't eat it.
21:11No, it'll put you off.
21:12It'll put me off.
21:13Have a nutter sandwich.
21:16Have otter and chips.
21:20In the room.
21:21So I've had the same dentist since I was born, literally,
21:24and I still go now, and I'm still petrified of the dentist.
21:28He was like, right, Abby, we're going to do a scale and polish.
21:31I was like, mmm.
21:32I don't like how cold that feels.
21:34Is that mandatory?
21:35Best friends, Abby and Jarja.
21:38But the whole process was awful.
21:40Have you had one before?
21:41Yeah.
21:42I didn't mind it.
21:43To be honest, I just had a tooth out, so I wasn't really that bothered.
21:47You had a tooth out then, the scale and polish?
21:49Yes.
21:49No, you didn't.
21:50Yes, I fucking did.
21:52Well, you wouldn't have felt it then,
21:53because your mouth would have been numb.
21:55I didn't.
21:55I had a scale and polish with no numbing.
21:57It was just, I don't think you need to be numbed for scale and polish.
22:00It's not really a procedure.
22:02It is.
22:03It's just a scale and a polish.
22:05It's just a zzzzzz.
22:06No, it's ch, ch, ch, ch.
22:10Zzzzzz.
22:11What do you need numbing for that for?
22:13On Saturday night, it was more of the same on ITV.
22:17Do you know what I like about Britain's Got Talent?
22:19What?
22:20It's probably how they felt in the olden days.
22:22You know, like going to the theatre on a Saturday night?
22:24Yeah.
22:25Yeah.
22:25It does feel very much like we are in the third half.
22:27Yeah.
22:28Might have a choc ass in the ad rights.
22:29Why, have you got some in?
22:30No.
22:30It's good I'm out of hospital in time for Britain's Got Talent.
22:36Oh, Sean forgot to tell you,
22:37you've got to get well soon, card from the kebab shop.
22:46You know what we've got here.
22:48What's your name?
22:49My name is Alessandro.
22:50Alessandro.
22:51Alessandro, I am Pedro.
22:55Everybody calls me Asco, I'm from Italy.
22:58Fantastic.
23:00You get a big clap for coming from Italy.
23:02Yeah.
23:03Well, it's nice, isn't it?
23:04I will show you something that I'm sure you've never seen before.
23:08I will say that.
23:08Oh.
23:09Heard that line before.
23:11I'm from an Italian.
23:13Yeah.
23:14There's a lot of them.
23:15He's brought his own orchestra, this guy.
23:17He's brought everyone.
23:22Isn't that lovely?
23:25So far, so good.
23:27Oh, I love it already.
23:30It's a bit boring, isn't it?
23:31Worth.
23:36Is it Mozart's Requiem?
23:37I know this music.
23:39Ah.
23:40It's from an advert.
23:44Oh, I'm getting goose pimples.
23:47It's not British Airways, is it?
23:49No.
23:49No.
23:49Oh, I'm liking it.
23:56Oh, it's very good, it's very powerful, it's very moving.
24:01This reminds me of Harry Potter.
24:04I don't know if it's because he's got a wand, I'm not sure.
24:08Oh, I'm going on, it's going down.
24:10He's saying bit of shushy now.
24:14Now what's he going to do?
24:15He's going to do something now.
24:17I was enjoying it up until now.
24:20Oh, no.
24:22Oh, no.
24:22Come on!
24:24Now we're talking!
24:25Leave me!
24:26My fridge makes that noise on a night.
24:28That toilet used to do it.
24:29Why does that happen?
24:31We're ready!
24:32Are you ready?
24:34No.
24:35Go!
24:36I'm not ready.
24:38We're ready!
24:39We're ready!
24:40Let's go!
24:44Woo!
24:44Woo!
24:44Whoa, let's go!
24:46I'm ready!
24:48Bum, bum, bum!
24:50Ooh!
24:51Oof!
24:53What is going on?
24:54This is insane!
24:59Oh, ah, here we go.
25:02Now we're thrilling.
25:03Here we go.
25:04Woo!
25:07Oh, yes, Alessandro!
25:18Here we go.
25:19We've got our heart pump on now.
25:21Oh, you'll be caught in.
25:22Here we go.
25:22Oh, look at Cheryl!
25:29It wants us up in there!
25:30Come on!
25:38We're feeling it, too.
25:43Go on!
25:44Everyone's loving it!
25:45Another old grinning and yelling approval in a savage way.
25:55Lickshot Gordon buzzer come on that was incredible I think that was confusing so
26:02joy that will go down well in Ibiza right right in Ibiza oh yeah when were you
26:08in Wiltshire I've just heard a funny tapping noise at the window Mary from
26:26which window this noise well and what happened when you looked out well I don't
26:30know I'm wondering oh my goodness it's back Mary what is Jeremy Jeremy Cricket
26:35Giles and his wife Mary oh don't be so silly Giles what it's so silly sorry
26:43Mary isn't a real thing it's Jeremy Cricket it comes back every year it goes
26:48in and out of hibernation it's gone back into hibernation now obviously I don't
26:54want to disturb it what does I can tell that's not a living thing look the dog
27:00thinks it's living look it's the first time he's ever shown any sort of animation
27:04Mary what is it what is it what's this creature I didn't tell it's some plastic
27:11replica of April Fool on Tuesday night the celebs were settling into their new camp
27:19on ITV this is the celebrity I'm a celebrity isn't it there's too many
27:24celebrities in there I'm a celebrity celebrity let's just glance at what
27:29celebrities are being tortured this time I'm a celebrity get me out of it
27:36South Africa hello and welcome to South Africa where the big news is that two new
27:43arrivals are about to make their entrance oh it's Gemma here she comes this is a
27:50far cry away from Essex oh the GC get in at least I bought the glam
27:58there she is like full of vigor and figure yeah yeah vigor and figure
28:05yeah having to walk out the jungle has haunted me for years she wants to come
28:10back and almost like have a second chance yeah probably this time yeah she's
28:14maybe feeling stronger or she's needing the money oh who said that oh this is my
28:21chance now I'm going in this jungle with Gemma Collins not the GC what's the
28:26difference this is literally the same thing aren't they I think the GC is a
28:29bit more of a dick so she's not going to be a diva this time she's not going to be
28:33the GC you ain't gonna get this candy they didn't hang about this time as they
28:39cracked on with a classic trial for the new camp mates the trial is called gut
28:44instincts oh I've heard got that straight away I'm thinking fucking shite
28:50you're eating in each round you will both select a number of portions that you
28:54think you can eat by so what are they gonna do they're gonna like out bid each
28:58other so if you can do too well see I can do three oh no neither of you will
29:03know how many the other person has on their plate the divide will then lower and
29:08the person with the most has to eat those portions I'm a hungry girl so I'll have it
29:15all whatever it is well you're breastfeeding you need those extra
29:19calories it's just protein I'm just seeing it everything is protein so this
29:23is brain freeze no like brain ice cream no which is springbok brain what's that
29:37what's a springbok brain it sounds made up the brucey brain we did join the war yes
29:43mom used to cook brain but didn't cook it like this didn't look like that springbok brain let's reveal the
29:49meals one each I could do two of that there we are who's gonna go for two
30:02yes Gemma well done right thanks like me out to springbok brains oh she's gripped in oh oh my god
30:11she's
30:11so brave come on that's it that's it I gotta be disgusting how many left she's doing it oh
30:18oh trading oh imagine the texture right now a brain oh that was not gold it looked like pink
30:32marshmallow oh sorry I can't I'm gonna be hospitalized oh my god still anybody's game
30:46there's already two points in it but what's this why is it so big I know like a tigene this
30:51is
30:53oh it's gonna be horrible shots bloody moory shots bloody moory okay which is blended
31:01bull's heart and bull's blood oh my god Gemma can do a fair few shots of this I'm sure you
31:09can
31:09imagine them as a bloody mary I guess with a bit of celery salt and a bit of vodka you
31:14might get away
31:14with it let's reveal the meals you've both gone for ten portion oh oh man that is a lot I'm
31:28gonna
31:28bang now try oh fuck you know Gemma these after redemption Ellie this is what she's going for 30
31:35so I'll go 30 as well then oh he's did it too this is like a standoff so if you're
31:47both going for the full
31:49tray it's a straight race this is the best thing ever it's a race you both ready I'm doing my
31:57best to get you bloody food come on let's do this okay come on Gemma do my bliss to get
32:02your bloody food okay three two one go oh no they can't do that that's evil
32:16oh oh you cheeky bugger crying out loud that was deaf or a new Gemma Collins she's refurbished we all
32:25refurbish as we get older
32:28she's deaf or done that because I've never seen that sight of Gemma I've refurbished from 11 years ago
32:34too what do you mean what have you done like refurbished to what to a new abbey
32:45in Bristol brothers I've been playing this game all weekend the aim of the game is basically you've got to
32:52push your drink through this mat
32:55brothers Tremaine Twain and Tristan so what what is there any other rules no there's no rules
33:02I got you just got to not break the mat like what people have done I got it as well
33:06I got it as well
33:07go on let me see we got it yeah I got it go on yeah no no no you gotta
33:14push your drink through the mat
33:16that's not pushing that's drinking oh do you lot give up yeah you give up yeah all right thanks
33:31on Sunday ITV brought us more bleak news from the rest of the world stop that they're really tapping
33:50in here good evening president Trump has issued his most direct expletive filled threat to Iran yet
33:59expletive Jesus he's been let loose with his phone again warning they'll be living in hell if they
34:05refuse to open the Strait of Hormuz oh your your cage is rattled play it kill Donald we're already
34:12living in hell with Trump as the US president insisting a peace deal is still possible but so
34:17too is an attack on Iran's infrastructure which would constitute a war crime so what he's basically
34:23saying is if you don't do what I'm telling you to do then I'm gonna fucking blow you to bits
34:28in a
34:29nutshell not so long ago you say to other people there rise up and get against the ruling regime out
34:34there and now he's saying they're gonna make it like hell out there I mean he's supposed to be
34:37making things better for the people out there in one of the most brazen and defensive posts of his
34:42presidency he wrote Tuesday will be power plant day and bridge day all wrapped up in one in Iran
34:48I'm surprised Donald Trump yet so don't he's never off fucking social media there will be nothing
34:56like it open the expletive straight oh you crazy expletives I don't think it's fucking it's fucking
35:03so he's he's missed the J off keeping it street keeping it real open the effing straight you crazy
35:13bees bastards yes Trump's shifting deadlines look increasingly erratic the Strait of Hormuz has really
35:23put Trump on the back foot hasn't it it really has he just didn't think bigger picture the trouble
35:28is it's a massive miscalculation this Iranian war nutty he thought it could be just like Venezuela
35:34he'd go in there take over it'd just be a walk in the park and it's turned out to be
35:41nothing like
35:42that because Iran has been planning for this event for 40 years on March the 21st he said he would
35:48hit and obliterate Iran's power plants within 48 hours that never happened the only thing that's
35:54getting obliterated here is his credibility two days later he said the strikes had been postponed
36:00after productive conversations that didn't happen either definitely that and just yesterday he said
36:06Iran had until Monday before he'd unleash all hell now he says strikes will happen on Tuesday
36:13I really mean it this time yeah I know I've said it before but I really look I'm swearing in
36:19my
36:19tweets now it's like seeing your enemy and go out when I see you not today five days of I
36:26see you next
36:27we're gonna be on do you see him again he's like yo no not today no they would delay it
36:33I bet
36:33Melania's lad in bed next you nice fucking he's putting on truth again yes it's tweeting again how do you
36:40spell fucking in home have you changed I'm washing that toilet what you mean because it was a real nice
36:56fancy one when I first started using it now it's just plain drab best friends Jenny and Lee what you're
37:04doing buying cheap stuff and putting it in a fancy bottle you are right yeah I know I can tell
37:10there's
37:10no smell on it at all you're a skimflint that's what you do you buy these real nice things and
37:18then
37:18buy the cheap crap and put it in I know I can tell it was real nice when it first
37:25started on Monday
37:27night pet lovers were being paired up with poochers on channel 4 you see my favorite thing about Colin
37:34is that when everybody else is fed up with me he's still at the front door wagging his tail happy
37:40to
37:40see me he's never fell out of me once oh you're right bless you tilly oh naughty I'm always in
37:51the
37:51dog house just lately I am I don't know right for wrong in the program we met Jan and us
37:59now's across
38:00Teddy who was looking for a pal step one step two good girl she's counting the steps for the dog
38:07oh I
38:08love the fact that she gives the dog a running commentary about what's gonna happen come say
38:16hello where are you going she can't see she's blind oh she's blind Ronnie that's why she was
38:22telling her steps there yeah you found yourself a seat to do very comfortable and we did come up
38:29with one dog one dog we've got a match she's a girl and she's called fizz fizz Jane oh they're
38:37shifting fizz don't say that shifting fizz so we think that fizz really needs a big sister and we
38:45think that Teddy will really benefit from having her as a friend wonderful it sounds perfect oh I
38:51hope the match lay oh let's hope keep your fingers crossed love oh you're so brave well done oh little
39:00fizz with a tail between her legs she's very worried oh she doesn't want to come through the door oh
39:08she
39:09won't even go in well first you could do it oh she sees the other dog she might come in
39:17I like it
39:17that they don't drag her in some and they just do let her come in at her own pace don't
39:22they yeah
39:22it's not forced marriage Jane oh well done oh hello okay we're in we're in oh oh hello oh
39:40ha ha ha saying hello oh oh look at her oh poor fish she's just so sad she just finds
39:56it a lot bless her
40:00oh oh come on she just needs time time I can't believe that's really upsetting me I know isn't it
40:12oh hang on this come on this she's looking for teddy oh she's so brave oh that's oh that's so
40:34sweet
40:36I think they've clicked you know I do yeah I've seen enough them together off you go have a happy
40:42life job done I don't want to see anything go wrong that's nice look teddy's saying come on she's nice
40:56that's my mommy come and say hi hello she's coming she's coming she's coming look look come on go on
41:05fizz two more steps look oh hello darling no way there you go sniff that hand she's come to see
41:17us Ted oh it's like
41:19fucking bland it sometime later hopefully fizz has been adopted and now she's looking like Shirley Batsi so
41:33Teddy night is disgusting and now we've got a new little girl in our house called miss pod
41:42yay and look at her bloody coat she just needed somebody to tart her up
41:48haven't we fist pop look at her say a wagon oh what a difference in a dog bloody hell
41:57oh that's really funny oh look at her i couldn't be happier for both of them because they both
42:05found in each other something that they truly needed their future looks fantastic together
42:14okay now you can over anything you don't you that's an happy ending that one that dog found
42:19the norm that's just like us jenny when we first met become friends straight away i don't think so
42:28i just shook you out the bloody pub you wouldn't leave
42:36enough london i'm gonna make you one of my health drinks so you can see how serious i am about
42:42my health journey this month oh my god ignore the bits sisters amira and amani you know how
42:49you keep having digestion problems yeah this is gonna sort that out for you
42:56no that's disgusting it's really not that bad i could probably drink this hole right now drink it then
43:05there's no way you drink this every day you're not convincing me yeah i do it every day oh yeah
43:12and
43:12it's nice yeah yeah it's actually really good on friday there was something out of this world on bbc news
43:19is it look at size of this egg that my chicken's laid shall we crack it and see if it's
43:24a double yorker
43:25that's a big bugger in it it is can you imagine laying that it's huge please can i have my
43:30rabbit i want
43:31to bite its head off mary yeah okay you can have it and let's say after the news okay the
43:36four
43:36astronauts on the artemis 2 mission are now on their final push towards the moon oh yeah there's
43:44a woman in there who the hell would want to go on a mission to the moon my sister probably
43:49would yeah
43:49i would put her in there therefore their orion spacecraft will take them around the far side of
43:54the moon and back again far side padders so they're going to go around the back who is that the
44:00far
44:00side of the moon is that yellow no it's pink pink dark side of the moon oh that's it that
44:07could be
44:07your cover band mum earlier today the crew activated an engine burn lasting precisely five minutes and 55
44:13seconds it's known as the translunar injection oh a translunar injection it increased its speed
44:21from 17 and a half thousand miles an hour to 24 and a half thousand miles an hour oh that's
44:28fast
44:28thought yeah it was mom driving it so it goes on there first and then around the moon to pick
44:34up
44:34momentum oh swear yeah the craft will move through lunar space over the weekend before reaching the
44:40far side of the moon on monday i'm all for this like i i want to know what the other
44:44side looks
44:45like is it better is it worse and some 4 700 miles past it this is all to mind blowing
44:52that's like if
44:52you get a flight going to somewhere and you stop off at another airport it don't mean you've been to
44:58that place proper this is the first time since 1972 that humans have traveled outside the earth's orbit
45:05really since 1972 why is that all of this wastage of petrol they're talking about global warming
45:12they're making figures of eight in the rocket the astronauts are due to return to earth next friday
45:16they're not gone for long it's like a short holiday in it yeah i mean we'd spend a week in
45:21an all-inclusive
45:22not the fucking moon getting used to life in space look she's making the most of her time there mary
45:29i can be an astronaut now you can be an astronaut now because they've got to have the appendix
45:33we've dumped this going to space for one of them canadian jeremy hansen it's his first time away
45:39from the earth oh i thought it was first time away from home yeah his mother's in the pack lunch
45:46do you be careful jeremy um i just kept saying to them yesterday like i really like it up here
45:52i wish i could have got here sooner you literally sandwiched him between the roof
45:56and the bags it looked so comfy rs25 engines lit four three two one booster ignition and lift off
46:09it's just like thunderbirds are gold that's just pretty much like that don't i feel sick thinking
46:16about me being in a rocket right now i'd pay to see you in a rocket
46:20you
Comments