Skip to playerSkip to main content
BRITCOM III
  • 7 hours ago

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00What the hell happened?
00:04Muscle crap! Wait!
00:06No! No! I was tensing up!
00:08No! I was tensing up so much!
00:10Oh, my God! Hold on! Hold on!
00:12Hold on! Hold on!
00:14Shake it off! Shake it off! Wait!
00:16Shake it off! Shake it off! Wait!
00:18I'm OK! Right! No more tensing!
00:26Her flabbers have been gassed.
00:28I've got some of this!
00:30Oh, that is! Look out!
00:32Oh, no! See?
00:34Oh, now there's a controversial statement.
00:36The gravy.
00:38Yeah!
00:40Do you like this music? No, not particularly.
00:42So, suck on that!
00:44Oh, wow!
00:46He's been a bad boy!
00:48Don't ever take me to a restaurant like that.
00:50Not a chance, do we? Oh!
00:52Yes, look at that! He's had an absolute feast!
00:54Whoa!
00:56For a banana?
00:58This is insane!
01:00Well, thank God that's over. I've got a headache run.
01:02It is like putting chicken in a vodka tonic, this.
01:06That's very modern, isn't it?
01:08Nothing. No-one saw that coming.
01:09No.
01:10In the week a shoplifter was jailed for stealing eight tubs of celebrations.
01:16We enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:19Lee Mack had more common sense questions on ITV.
01:23If Ariana Grande were to reverse her name, which of these would be the result?
01:27Oh, she's married a lot of...
01:29And she goes up with that fella, can't I give his name now?
01:32Not Beaver.
01:34Ooh!
01:35Justin Beaver!
01:36Justin Beaver!
01:38Justin Beaver!
01:40What's his name then?
01:48Disney Plus had wheeled out the big guns.
01:50Hi.
01:51You're late.
01:52Oh, shit.
01:53What did I forget?
01:54Baby, I'm sorry.
01:55I just started thinking...
01:56Are you really telling me you don't know what today is?
01:58I mean, I could look like that if I could be arsed.
02:01Yeah.
02:02We just do it so that we don't intimidate other women, don't we?
02:06We don't want to show anybody else up if we did, you know, daily working out
02:11and extreme healthy diet, full glam squad every day.
02:16I couldn't be arsed sitting there and having my hair and make-up done.
02:19I can't.
02:20It'd be too much effort.
02:21It would.
02:22I'd rather slob around in bobbly tracksuit bombs.
02:27And celebs had been let loose in Central America on BBC One.
02:33To get there, teams could head for the Caribbean,
02:36taking advantage of the well-trodden but expensive tourist routes in southern Belize.
02:41This is the favourite destination for the Gap Yard, Nate, do you remember?
02:45Which country?
02:47All the people from England on the Gap Yards,
02:50they all meet on some remote beach in South America
02:54and they say it's really weird that they've met each other on this beach.
02:58What a coincidence.
03:00What an incredible coincidence.
03:09In Surrey...
03:10I got Mum's nose.
03:11No, you didn't.
03:12Cute little button nose.
03:13I definitely got Mum's nose.
03:14Look at it.
03:15Look at it.
03:16Look at it.
03:17Sarah, her husband Andre and their daughter Shae.
03:21No, but mine nose just looked like...
03:22I don't have this dip thing in the middle.
03:25That comes after 30.
03:26Wait, that's a bit too soon for my liking, you know?
03:31Wait, wait, wait, wait, I've only got four years.
03:34Enjoy it while it lasts.
03:36I used to watch it in the mirror and it's like,
03:38I'm like, what's happening here?
03:41On Saturday night, there was more brain-teasing action on ITV1.
03:46Have you ever been a member of a club or something?
03:48Oh, yeah.
03:49Have you?
03:50Mm-hmm.
03:51I'm a member of the ukulele club.
03:53Well, of course you are.
03:54I never thought of that.
03:55Yes.
03:56Uh-huh.
03:57Well, I might as well try to be part of 1% club
03:58because I'm not part of the running club anymore.
04:00No.
04:01You're part of the quitter's club.
04:02Neither are you.
04:03Let's play the 1% club.
04:09My favourite, um, quiz-y type thing is spot the difference.
04:15I'm not bad at spot the difference, Simon.
04:18Really?
04:20Very really.
04:21I don't know why it's so funny.
04:23Just spot the difference for kids.
04:25They make it very difficult these days.
04:28Seriously.
04:29It is time for the 30% question.
04:32Oh, 30.
04:33That's where it gets that little bit difficult-er.
04:38If a blue car stops suddenly...
04:40Oh, too many words.
04:41..and a yellow car behind crashes into the back of the blue car...
04:45This is what I can't do.
04:46..and a green car crashes into the back of the yellow car
04:49and a black car crashes into the back of the green car...
04:52Uh-huh.
04:53..how many bumpers, front and back, will have been hit in total?
04:57Half of...
04:58What?
05:03So, it would be however many car times two, take away two.
05:06Yes.
05:07Yeah.
05:08Four cars, take away two.
05:10So, eight, take away two.
05:11Six.
05:12I'm going to say six.
05:13Six.
05:14Ten.
05:15Fuck, that's hard.
05:18I'm going for 14.
05:20That's wrong.
05:21You can copy off me if you want.
05:22No.
05:23OK, I'm going to go for five.
05:24I'm going for five.
05:26Not even an even number.
05:27Are you OK?
05:28It's not Squid Games.
05:2921.
05:30It's 22.
05:31We're here in a minute.
05:32Let's have a look at the answer.
05:33It's six.
05:34Ah!
05:35I got it!
05:36Fuck yeah.
05:37What did you get?
05:38Nothing.
05:39Some odd number.
05:4090,000 pounds.
05:41Right, we are getting to the end.
05:43It's now time for the 15% question.
05:4515.
05:46Oh, no.
05:47Oh, no.
05:48Oh, no.
05:49Oh, no.
05:50Oh, no.
05:51Oh, no.
05:52Oh, no.
05:53Oh, no.
05:54Oh, no.
05:55Oh, no.
05:5615% question.
05:5715.
05:58Holy shit.
06:01What flower is represented here?
06:02Now, you'll be good at this.
06:03Flowers.
06:04Right up my alley, this.
06:0530 seconds starts now.
06:07That's it?
06:08Eh?
06:09That's all they're giving you.
06:12What flower?
06:13I can't see a flower.
06:16Where's the flower?
06:18Point setter.
06:19Point.
06:20And that's a set, maybe?
06:22Or an arrow.
06:23What flower do you know called an arrow?
06:25It's a table.
06:26It's a table.
06:27It's a table.
06:28Arrow table.
06:29Right.
06:30Right.
06:31Right.
06:32Right.
06:33Right.
06:34Right.
06:35Where's that?
06:36Rhododendron.
06:37Rose?
06:38Direction.
06:39What?
06:40Rose?
06:41Oh, because it's pointing to the rose.
06:42Rose!
06:43Oh!
06:44Hey!
06:45Clever clogs.
06:47Too late.
06:48Point setter.
06:49Are we going for point setter?
06:50Yeah.
06:51Okay.
06:52Rose.
06:53Rose!
06:54You should have got that.
06:55If anybody knows about rose and columns, it's you.
06:58You see, we've got a bit of a brain between us, haven't we?
07:01Problem is, maybe my brain's too complex.
07:03You were out at 30%.
07:04Okay.
07:05I got to 50.
07:06I nearly said rose.
07:07You were out.
07:08After whittling down the contestants here in the studio, we are left with the 1% question.
07:14Oh, God.
07:15This will be hard.
07:16Diana celebrated her 83rd birthday yesterday.
07:19Okay.
07:20If she was gifted new balloons for every birthday she has celebrated, how many number three balloons
07:27would she have received?
07:29Oh, blimey.
07:303, 13, 23.
07:31Well, you're not doing that.
07:32I'm fucking halfway through here.
07:37What's your answer?
07:3830.
07:39Aye, but hang on.
07:40There's in-betweens as well, you dick.
07:429?
07:43Have I missed something massive there?
07:45I think you might be right.
07:4610.
07:47It's not 10, because you'd have 10 for 30 alone.
07:50All of 30s.
07:51Hell.
07:52Oh, shit, yeah.
07:5340, 50, 60, 70.
07:58Another four.
07:5918.
08:00But 19, because 33, she gets two threes.
08:0238.
08:0339.
08:0439.
08:0519!
08:0619!
08:07Well done, Diana.
08:10Are we about to be in the 1%?
08:12Jack, what's your answer?
08:14Eight.
08:15Oh, Jack!
08:16Silly twat.
08:17You silly get.
08:19Roshin?
08:20I put 20.
08:21I just changed it from 19, and now I'm not sure.
08:24Oh!
08:25Well, hang on.
08:26She might be right, we might be wrong.
08:27She might be right, yes.
08:28Slightly arrogant.
08:29Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:30Right.
08:31Let's have a look at the answer.
08:32Oh, my God.
08:33It's 19.
08:38Yes!
08:39No way!
08:40Yes, yes, yes!
08:41Oh, my God!
08:42Fuck yeah!
08:4319.
08:44Oh, I forgot the 30s completely.
08:47It's 19.
08:48Oh, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35.
08:51Yeah!
08:52Oh!
08:53Me, yet again, in the 1% Club.
08:55Nailed every question.
08:57So?
08:58Apart from the Rose one, which was a bit fucking stupid, if you ask me.
09:01Which is actually your job.
09:02This is what I'm saying.
09:03You know, it's all well and good going,
09:05I can't have anyone to think, Christian.
09:07You can't even answer questions on your own job, Soph.
09:11You know, get in the real world, eh, Cocker?
09:13In Wiltshire.
09:14I don't know what it is about you, but when you have a bonfire, you think, you're so short-sighted,
09:23you think, let's really be nice to see a blaze, so you'd burn things that were valuable just
09:28to see a blaze.
09:30Giles and his wife, Mary.
09:32I burnt the LaRouche Encyclopedia of Modern Art, Nutty.
09:38Did you really?
09:39Because it was...
09:40OK, I lost...
09:41No, no, I'm joking.
09:42I didn't.
09:43I kept it.
09:44But I was thinking of burning it, because it was so big and no one ever looked at it.
09:49It's time you went on a bonfire.
09:50Oh, Mary.
09:51You've got to keep it light.
09:52Keep it light.
09:53How can I when you're provoking me beyond endurance?
09:54It's just as well I've got my own life.
09:55Tommy.
09:56Otherwise, you'd be gaslighting me and that sort of thing, wouldn't you?
10:10On Thursday, it was backpacks at dawn as the celebrity racers cracked on on the BBC.
10:22Yeah, I mean, I do pretty well.
10:23Let's face it, I've been to 59 countries.
10:25Yeah, and almost got arrested in 58 of them.
10:27No, I did not.
10:29I've only been arrested in a few of them.
10:31Not that many at all.
10:35We'll be doing that tomorrow, racing across to Wales.
10:38It's not quite the world, is it, love?
10:40Well, no, but it's away from home.
10:42Going over the Seven Bridge.
10:43Mmm.
10:44Don't have to pay for it any more.
10:45No toll.
10:46Oh, even better.
10:47Setting off in the lead.
10:48Buenos dias.
10:49Buenos dias.
10:50Que tal?
10:51Anita and Bal are first to find out where they're heading next.
10:54Anita and Bal are nearly a whole day ahead of everyone else.
10:58Your second checkpoint is El Zonte.
11:01Oh, God, El Zonte.
11:02Who's heard of that?
11:03None of them, I expect.
11:04For safety reasons, travel after dark is not allowed.
11:07Travel after dark is not allowed.
11:09That's serious business, you know?
11:11This is quite dangerous.
11:12I've never thought a race across the world would be that dangerous,
11:14but that's quite dangerous.
11:16Across this region of Central America, increased trafficking and crime at night.
11:21I wouldn't go somewhere where there was trafficking, no.
11:24What's trafficking exactly again?
11:27940 kilometres to the south, El Zonte in El Salvador.
11:32Oh, no.
11:33You don't want to be going to El Salvador.
11:35Ooh.
11:36That's not good.
11:37Teams could head for the Caribbean.
11:38Ooh!
11:39Ooh!
11:40That's a piece of me that is there.
11:41Yeah!
11:42I'm taking that route.
11:43Alternatively, they may choose to stay in Guatemala.
11:46Guacamala?
11:47Ooh!
11:48Isn't that something you eat?
11:49What?
11:50You're thinking of guacamole.
11:51Ooh!
11:52Yeah, I am.
11:53You choose.
11:54You choose.
11:55Come on.
11:56We've come to Guatemala, and we're then jumping back out of Guatemala.
11:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:58Without seeing nothing so far.
11:59Yeah, no, no.
12:00Let's stick to Guatemala.
12:01I think we've made our decision.
12:02Stick with Guatemala.
12:03Guatemala.
12:04Yes!
12:05Good idea.
12:06Right, Coburn, yeah?
12:07Yeah.
12:086.44 for the bus.
12:13Erm.
12:14Why are we stopping here?
12:15What, the stopping fire?
12:16Yeah, something's happening.
12:17Trafficking.
12:18Does everybody come off here?
12:19Why are you jumping straight to that?
12:23The road is closed because they're protest-y.
12:25Oh.
12:26Oh, no, they're going to lose time now.
12:27No!
12:28It's a three-day protest, and no-one can pass, so we have to walk.
12:32Oh, that's not ideal.
12:33A three-day protest, that's quite slightly ridiculous.
12:36It's like the French.
12:37Oh, yeah, we could be in France.
12:39Manifestation.
12:40Hang on, what are all these guys doing?
12:42Is this the protest?
12:43Right, where do we get to Coburn?
12:45How do we get there?
12:46Is that the roadblock?
12:47Yeah, that's the roadblock.
12:49I drove over that.
12:50They could get the bus over that easy.
12:52I've parked my car over worse on school road.
12:55I just hope there is a bus.
12:56What if there isn't a bus?
12:58Then what?
13:00Maybe we could hitchhike.
13:02That sounds safe in Guatemala.
13:04You'd pick them up as well.
13:05Yeah.
13:06I love that one.
13:07I love picking up people.
13:08It's so bizarre.
13:09Having navigated their way through the protest, Anita and Bal are spending the night in the
13:14Guatemalan Highlands.
13:15They don't want to be out there on a night.
13:17They've been warned about that.
13:18Basically, I need to leave really early in the morning.
13:216am.
13:22Tomorrow you can't pass in principal roads.
13:27Oh, tomorrow's the same.
13:28You can't pass in principal roads.
13:31So nobody can drive tomorrow?
13:32No.
13:33What?
13:34They can't do anything?
13:35They're stuck.
13:36Oh, in the whole of Guatemala!
13:38Shit, they should have gone the other route.
13:40What if it goes on for days?
13:42What happens then?
13:43Is the race over for us?
13:45Have a pina colada.
13:46I don't know.
13:47Like, fuck it out, Anita.
13:49Yeah, she's different.
13:50Yeah, great.
13:51No, she's very competitive by the looks of it.
13:53Like, come on, calm down.
13:54Even I'm not that competitive.
13:56After an extended stay in Guatemala,
13:59the teams had made it to the checkpoint town.
14:04Got it?
14:05Oh, oh, we got one.
14:06They're all descending on El Zonte now.
14:08Head west on the beach.
14:11And locate the bird carved into rock.
14:14There.
14:15That's a bird carved into a rock there.
14:17There.
14:18See that bird?
14:19Yeah, there.
14:20There it is.
14:21There it is.
14:22Come on, Dad.
14:23Go on, quickly.
14:24That's how close they are.
14:25Well, Anita's dad's not running anywhere.
14:27There.
14:28I see it.
14:29Where?
14:30You see it?
14:31Oh, yeah.
14:32We've got to get up.
14:33They're all there.
14:34They've seen it too, haven't they?
14:35Who's going to get there?
14:36It's locked.
14:37Oh, it's locked?
14:38It's locked.
14:39You're not for sure.
14:40You're going to have to jib your dad over the wall.
14:42It's right up there.
14:43Is this it?
14:44Come on, then.
14:45Who's turning that page over there?
14:46The checkpoint's up there, look.
14:47Oh, my God!
14:48Who's done it?
14:49There's the hotel.
14:50There's the book.
14:51Hola.
14:52Hola.
14:53Welcome to El Zonte.
14:54Hola.
14:55Where is the red book we signed?
14:56Exactly.
14:57Are we the first?
14:58Oh!
14:59Ah!
15:00Yes!
15:01Anita and Belle!
15:02Oh, they've done it.
15:03They're first.
15:04Bravo.
15:05Well done.
15:06No way!
15:07That's sweet, getting on so well with your father.
15:10Do you think they'd let us take Perkins?
15:12Yeah, I mean, I think Perkins going would be good because we could use him as bait.
15:17People would think he's so cute.
15:18You're going to use our dog as bait?
15:19Well, like, as an emotional bait.
15:21We're not pimping him out.
15:22We are totally pimping him out.
15:24Well, mate.
15:25You can stroke my dog if you drive me cheaper.
15:27Less dinero, please.
15:28Pat my dog.
15:29In the room.
15:30I had to do this FODMAP diet to try and find out what foods were irritating my stomach.
15:45And one of the things you have to eat is gluten-free bread.
15:48The price of gluten-free bread for a loaf of bread, £4.
15:53£4?
15:54Best friends Abby and Jarja.
15:57Me uncle said you can get it from the chemist.
15:59As I'm not buying, I'm not getting bread from the chemist.
16:03What?
16:06Me uncle said, oh, you can get the bread from the chemist.
16:10No, you cannot.
16:11I said gluten-free bread from the chemist.
16:13I don't know if he was having us on or not,
16:15but apparently you can get gluten-free bread from the chemist.
16:18I said, I'm not going to the fucking chemist asking for bread.
16:23On Tuesday night,
16:24adolescence were at it in the kitchen on E4.
16:27Come down with me, teens.
16:29What are they all going to be making?
16:30Pot noodles, cereal, toast.
16:33When you see a teenager that can cook, you've got to give them props
16:35because I'll tell you something.
16:37I don't know many.
16:38Definitely not mine.
16:39You might learn something from these teenagers, Steve.
16:42So keep watching.
16:48I'm not wearing funny patterns.
16:49If you shaved your beard off, you could probably apply for this.
16:52I think I'd look too young, to be honest.
16:54One thing I've managed to achieve over these last 30 years, 40 years.
16:59Now, how long have we been here? Nearly 40 years.
17:01Giles.
17:02Is we've managed to abolish the dinner party.
17:04Right.
17:05No, because I have them in London with glittering people.
17:09It's the second day of the teen cooking competition in and around Manchester.
17:14Big up the big end city.
17:16And today it's fitness fan Ben's turn.
17:19He'll give everyone protein shakes.
17:21Oh, we know what he's having.
17:22Chicken.
17:23To fire up his folk stove and host his first ever dinner party.
17:27Do you ever have a dinner party at that age?
17:29Not at that age, no.
17:30Crikey.
17:31Double oven, Ellie.
17:33The dream.
17:34Everything on the menu is something I've loved.
17:36It's from the ages of three, four, six.
17:38Everything just...
17:39Oh, I just love it.
17:40What about five?
17:41What happened to five?
17:42Five was the lost year.
17:44We don't talk about that.
17:45On to the starter.
17:47Tomato bruschetta.
17:49Well, that's quite easy.
17:50Why didn't they just make your bruschetta?
17:52Bruschetta didn't even know what fucking bruschetta was when I was a young man.
17:55I think the nearest thing we got to bruschetta was bread and jam.
17:58Ben starts the process by chopping up onions.
18:02What I don't like about chopping up vegetables and stuff is that they move too much.
18:06I've actually never chopped an onion.
18:08I'm not making my own bread because I don't actually trust my abilities to make my own bread, to be honest.
18:12It takes a lot more effort for it to just be, like, mid.
18:15Mid.
18:17Let's give a mid.
18:18Mid, Jay.
18:19No-one wants mid, do they?
18:20No way, man.
18:21No way, bud.
18:22Dessert, please.
18:23Eat and mess.
18:24Oh, God.
18:25I hate eat and mess.
18:26It's my favourite.
18:27Oh, God.
18:28I love an eat and mess.
18:29Everyone pretends they like eat and mess.
18:31No, I'm not pretending.
18:32I love eating mess.
18:33Oh.
18:34Ben starts by getting eggs for the meringue.
18:36Let's get them out of the egg cupboard.
18:37Look at that.
18:38Egg cupboard?
18:39You've got chickens and you don't even have as many eggs as they do.
18:42The whites are separated into a big bowl.
18:44OK.
18:45Yes, that's it.
18:46I've never tried cracking an egg.
18:48I wouldn't want you to try and crack an egg not until you've got your own kitchen.
18:52I've got a bit of shell in there.
18:53Oopsie.
18:54Oh, he's bollocks that up.
18:55Is that annoying?
18:56Oh, not the fingers in the egg.
18:59His fingers just been up his nose or in his tracky bottoms or down his pants.
19:02Pesky shell removed.
19:03He whisks his egg white, adds sugar and then whisks again.
19:08Listen, I don't even know how to make meringue now.
19:11I just bite.
19:12Soft peaks you want.
19:14Stiff peaks.
19:15Or stiff peaks.
19:16I think it's that one.
19:17I don't even know.
19:18106.
19:19I'm going to call my mum.
19:21I can't remember how to use the oven.
19:23OK.
19:24I've never used the oven.
19:25I bet he knows how to use the microwave.
19:27Yeah.
19:28Mum!
19:29Oh, dear.
19:30Mum!
19:31Right, that's on.
19:33Yeah.
19:34Now you need your temperature, yeah?
19:35Yeah.
19:36This is sharpness.
19:37I forgot, Mum.
19:38I forgot.
19:39What do I do again?
19:40Which knob?
19:41I don't know what that is.
19:43Oh, look at them.
19:44What is all this bit, though?
19:46Only one thing for it.
19:47Mum!
19:48Mum!
19:49He's such a teenager.
19:50Yeah, Mum!
19:51He might just have to try a little bit.
19:53Maybe?
19:54Oh, Christy.
19:55Here comes the airplane.
19:57Whee!
19:59Oh, and he's on telly and all.
20:03So this is my star, tomato bruschetta.
20:05Yeah, and it's quite good.
20:06I love this, so hope you all enjoy.
20:09What type of bread is it?
20:10It's just sourdough.
20:11Just sourdough bread from the shop.
20:12He could have got a bit of chia batter to make it more sort of Italian.
20:18Look at you.
20:19Chia batter.
20:20Can I have this if you want?
20:21Go on.
20:22Yeah, go on.
20:23Do you want this as well?
20:24Yeah, go on.
20:25Yo, Ben!
20:27You can't finish your guest's leftovers.
20:30At least take him into the kitchen and finish it.
20:33Yeah.
20:34So the star went down really well.
20:36Ha-ha-ha!
20:37Oh, Ben's wolf did that.
20:39Yeah, yeah.
20:40Eat like a true teenage boy.
20:41He loves a bruschetta.
20:42Five empty plates.
20:43They're only empty, mate, cos you emptied them.
20:45Ha-ha-ha-ha!
20:46It's time to get eaten, Messi.
20:48Right, there's only one way to crush these.
20:50He's fisting them around.
20:51There you go.
20:52Ooh.
20:53This is EMS.
20:54There we go.
20:55There was meant to be a few raspberries on the side, but I ate them all for lunch.
21:00Ha-ha-ha-ha!
21:01I go to dinner parties, but I don't host them.
21:03When the fuck do you go to dinner parties, like?
21:05When I go to my mum's for tea.
21:07That class is a dinner party.
21:08Ha-ha-ha!
21:09All I can do is play them back in my mind and think, what a nightmare they were.
21:10Well, it was only cos the last one you gave, you came in with soily fingers and you'd
21:2312 roasted nuts round in a bowl in front of the people and then offered them.
21:27And they said, no, Charles, your hands are dirty.
21:29I seem to remember I'd lost my carving knife, so I just pulled the flesh off the bird and plopped
21:34it onto their plates and they weren't very impressed.
21:37No.
21:40He leads...
21:41Right, Izzy, I've got the bodysuit on.
21:43Let's have a look, then.
21:44That I wanted to borrow off you to wear for my Christmas due.
21:47Well, you can have it. I don't want it back.
21:50Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
21:52Oh, my God.
21:55You can't wear it with no bra. You've got to wear a bra with it.
21:59You don't take your bra off.
22:01I've realised that, you know.
22:04You've realised that now.
22:05You need a black bra to go under it.
22:07Chuffing, Ellie, off someone's eye out.
22:10Don't offer much support.
22:12No.
22:13It don't offer any support.
22:15Saggy Maggies are us.
22:17Saggy Maggies on top.
22:19I mean, I didn't feel too bad about my boobs until I put this on.
22:22Bloody hell, you couldn't go out in that, you'd trip over.
22:25This week, reality show royalty was giving it a good go on Disney Plus.
22:31Hello.
22:32Come on, Katsley, do you want to see Kim Kardashian attempting to act?
22:36Are you a Kim Kardashian, Dad?
22:38Oh, you mean, look, two hands in the air, yes?
22:40What?
22:41All these women used to work for another practice.
22:44Ah.
22:45But then they thought, no, we'll do our own.
22:46Oh, that's all right.
22:47So it's an all-women lawyer.
22:48Good on you, girls.
22:49You know, for divorcees and all like that.
22:50Yeah.
22:51Oh.
22:52Kim will be finding this the divorce she's had.
22:53Yeah.
22:54That's Kim's husband, Chase.
22:55Looks like she's made an effort.
22:57Hi.
22:58Hi.
22:59Hello.
23:00Hi.
23:01You're late.
23:02Oh, shit.
23:03What did I forget?
23:04It's our anniversary, isn't it?
23:05God, all these men are always in trouble, aren't they, Mary?
23:06It's our anniversary, Chase.
23:07Fuck me.
23:08Raw.
23:09Baby.
23:10Baby.
23:11Oh.
23:12Oh.
23:13Oh.
23:14Oh.
23:15Oh.
23:16Oh.
23:17Oh.
23:18Oh.
23:19Oh.
23:20Oh.
23:21Oh.
23:22Oh.
23:23Oh.
23:24Oh.
23:25Me.
23:26Raw.
23:27Baby.
23:28Oh, Jesus.
23:29Not a good one.
23:30Yep.
23:31And the penny drops.
23:32Yep.
23:33Baby, I hate myself.
23:34The fact that he keeps calling a baby makes me want to throw up.
23:36Yeah, and he's just said that he hates himself.
23:38And his trousers are too tight and all.
23:40For not giving you this, this morning.
23:44Oh.
23:45He's crazy.
23:46Cool.
23:47The old forgot the anniversary aunt, really forgot the anniversary,
23:51pulled out a little blue box.
23:53Look at the size of that whopper.
23:57Happy anniversary, baby.
23:59Come to daddy.
24:01Oh!
24:02Oh!
24:03Oh, God!
24:04I didn't just say that!
24:06Turn it off.
24:11Oh.
24:12Look at him, both hands on her arse.
24:14Bloody hell, Auntie Margaret wouldn't like this.
24:16She'd call it soft porn.
24:17This is great, this show, isn't it?
24:19Come to daddy.
24:22Miss Allure is not the only one celebrating an anniversary this week.
24:26This is Kim's fancy lawyer office.
24:28Oh, gosh.
24:29To our next client, let's review her case, shall we?
24:32Right, what have we got?
24:33What did Danielle do this time?
24:34Milan, you're still taking the bar this spring?
24:36Yes.
24:37Tiana Taylor!
24:38Mm.
24:39Okay.
24:40Sit in.
24:41You're one of the girls now.
24:42Come on.
24:43That's Milan, that's Kim K's assistant.
24:48Look at that whop.
24:49What?
24:54I can still...
24:55I can still email you...
24:57On me!
24:58No, Whitman, I can still...
25:00...smell you on me.
25:01Ooh!
25:04O's chairs.
25:05Hey, that's her husband!
25:07I'm making your favourite drink.
25:09What's with the overnight bag?
25:12Is there a game I didn't know about?
25:14I think you'd add a stroke if you went against the wall like that, George,
25:17with your gym bag.
25:18What, your vest on?
25:19No.
25:21Can we sit down and talk?
25:22Hi.
25:23Oh, no.
25:24Oh!
25:25He's breaking up with her.
25:32He's definitely put an orange down there or something.
25:35It would, wouldn't it?
25:36Yeah.
25:37Sassy.
25:38Too sassy, right?
25:39Yeah.
25:40A couple of easy peelers down there.
25:42I'm confused.
25:43I can't fucking breathe in this perfect house with these perfect paintings.
25:47Oh, I bet this cult's deep, because I bet this was what Kanye was saying.
25:51It is a bit much, isn't it? He wants a bit of clutter, doesn't he?
25:54Talk to me.
25:55Are you just having a bad day or something?
25:57No, it's a bit more than I can. I'm sorry, love.
26:00I know.
26:01I'm fucked off.
26:02Lord, I'm drowning here with you.
26:04What are you talking about?
26:05You're famous.
26:06What are you talking about?
26:07There's too much of it.
26:09You're famous.
26:10What are you talking about?
26:12Next to you, I feel hopelessly and ridiculously small.
26:15That's not on me.
26:16That's on you.
26:17Emmett!
26:18Tell him!
26:19It's obviously because she's a very powerful woman that he feels inferior.
26:22Whereas, you know, for me, I'd just ride the gravy train.
26:26Where's Chase going now?
26:27Oh, oh, oh.
26:28Oh, hello.
26:29Oh, he's come to see her!
26:30Oh!
26:31Woo!
26:32Hey, hey!
26:33Come through sexy time!
26:34Don't look, Simon.
26:35It's going to be a hot sexy scene.
26:36Think she knows?
26:37Not yet.
26:38Oh, we can lift it up.
26:39Oh, we can.
26:40She's going to make it our mission now.
26:41Oh, oh.
26:42Or we can.
26:43Oh.
26:44We're just going to make it our mission now.
26:49Oh, oh.
26:50Ross, this is awkward.
26:57All stay in love and war.
26:58All stay in love and war.
26:59Now get your plunker out.
27:00And now get your plunker out.
27:02Oh, hey!
27:03you said the title as well do you see that yeah very clever writing jesus after finding out the
27:15identity of chaser's bit on the side Milan Milan oh is that angry is that happy is that sad the
27:24fuck is it Kim had got changed to go and confront her Laura I worship you and I need you to know
27:30that I'm fucking kidding why are you having it off with me husband then so you did this because you
27:35want to be me everybody wants to be you I don't want to be her oh boo-woo get your own husband you
27:43slug Laura I'm I'm so sorry no you're not what's at the center of it ask the question what's the
27:52question I'm not following what question yes it is is it is it's what his oh she's not having a baby
28:03is she crazy and the answer is oh my god oh I'm with child yes
28:20that was the best bit of acting she did yeah that was the only good bit her face moved yeah
28:33face move I definitely saw it move it did her eyebrow went like that that was fucking terrible to be fair
28:41no no let's have it right it's that bad it's good no it's actually that bad it's bad it's really bad
28:50in Blackpool you'll never guess what what me and Paige were sat right going through our credit card
29:04statement because we've got a joint credit card account yeah anyway Paige is going oh haven't you
29:09spent a lot this month Pete and his little sister Sophie oh you've been to home bargains and all this
29:15thought I went that doesn't make sense anyway it turns out she's had my card and I've had hers
29:23you've been to home bargains yeah definitely not thought my card had been cloned on Friday it was
29:31the world's richest man making headlines on the BBC so with you the crispy aren't them what it's
29:39custard they're not custard it's a pastel donata you know I don't like following food you eh
29:45the boss of Tesla Elon Musk has had a record-breaking pay package agreed by the company's shareholders
29:52he's got the Midas touch this man oh yeah would you snog Elon Musk for free Tesla how long's the snog
29:59one minute oh that's a bit long but I'd probably do it for a Tessie the deal could be worth nearly
30:05one trillion dollars what one trillion dollars that's insane that's not real money there's one
30:14trillion a number like Elon Musk arriving in his own style to thank shareholders for this latest vote
30:22of confidence oh look he's grooving down nutty I haven't seen anyone grooving like that since
30:27Theresa May his dance partner Optimus I'm those bots are just dancing there are no wires is that the
30:34robot there throwing sheets yeah oh darling that looks like you don't but that's slightly better
30:38than me yeah it has more rhythm he does have more rhythm could these autonomous robots be the factory
30:44workers of the future and helping hands in our homes if that walked in my house and started doing
30:49things I'd say get out you little fucker I'd honestly that is not for me I love walking very fast
30:56are they no they're not I'm saying nothing nasty about these guys they're gonna be our overlords
31:01soon exactly yeah just stay nice with them this pay package amounts to one trillion dollars over a
31:07ten-year period she's a lot not said Julie I've never known what a trillion looks like that's what a
31:14trillion looks like II I mean there's me getting worried about the price of gluten-free bread he's a
31:19fucking trillionaire that's one followed by 12 zeros that's ridiculous 12 zeros I'd still do people's
31:27hair if I had that much money liar you don't want to do people's hair for money as your job now it's
31:33about the annual output of Switzerland so theoretically he's earning more than a country how could one
31:40person get that for his company but certain countries ain't even worth that this is how the world works now so
31:46works the greedy bastard in Leeds so what are you up to this week anyway tomorrow it's tattoo day are you
31:57doing it I'm doing it do you know what I'm gonna be honest I thought you were the chicken though me
32:01too still no time best friends Danielle and Daniela I may have heard or you may have said in a
32:09conversation that there was a fit tattoo artist there is a fit tattoo artist there right up your
32:14street as well this week the pressure was on with more high-stakes playground games on Netflix
32:23there's a kiss on its own yeah she's been drinking toilet water now that reminds me Mary I'm going to buy
32:31a tracksuit next week and I'm hoping to buy it from the central aisle of a set of a well-known
32:37German supermarket tracksuit I'll go for part of attorney what I'm trying not to do is binge this
32:47yeah it does really don't say it when you bend you soul I'm trying to do slowly slowly but then you
32:53always get some bastard giving you spoilers yeah welcome to your second game the game you will be
33:00playing is catch he's got yes I'm gonna catch I'm good at catch oh Jesus I am you good at everything
33:10Sean if this is about catching and you're involved I'm I'm stressed obviously not the best catcher in
33:17I've seen you catch I've seen you throw it gave me the ick a thrower will stand on the center spot
33:24and throw the ball to someone at the front of one of the lines it sounds too simple really it can't
33:29be that easy that's straightforward you want to be at the front of this game to catch the ball
33:33and it's closest and you're guaranteed to go through yeah if the ball is dropped both the thrower
33:39and the catcher will be eliminated oh fuming so you can't just do a shit throw because you both are
33:51out I want to throw something out this is going to be a little crazy okay I'm ready for that let's
33:56listen to your crazy idea the one throwing it is going to be judging who's going to catch it
34:01they're going to judge mark a lot so they're going to judge mark harsher than the rest of us
34:13what why is he saying that I don't know that is ruthless just singling him out because of the way
34:19he looks people judge you mark and if they judge you and they say hey we're not going to throw to
34:25you then everybody behind you including you is going to be safe oh so he's saying no one's going
34:32to think he can catch yeah so everyone behind him safe so let's put him up top that's really mean
34:38I would I kind of like it but it's fucking mean yeah oh he's upset oh he's crying and it's all
34:50because of 272 let the game begin okay so who does she throw it to you now somebody in the
34:57front of the queue you got this I'm just going to lob it to you okay you should be able to catch that
35:02come on absolutely nice easy throw well if you don't get that then you're bloody useless okay ready
35:07lovely well done nice work easy peasy so does that mean he's the thrower now
35:14oh it's easy this not very far is it even I think I could manage that Laura are you a good catcher
35:24I can catch 272 he was the one who was horrible to mark wasn't he please drop it I want 272 to be
35:31eliminated now eliminate him now oh yeah man this is gonna be sick I caught it already ready he's
35:40gotta go the whole way down the blue oh it's far darling that is far over arm what are you doing
35:48under arm okay it's gotta be under arm oh wow he's just dropped the goods that is karma served cold yeah
36:01oh love that bet I don't know why it shocks me when they get shot every time that happens
36:10oh god it's mark oh use mark I all be guessing you think you've got it mark 100 percent I'm going
36:21catch the ball I know TV they built this moment up for this moment he's got this you got it I got this
36:28I know you do jeez he'll be more nervous you're making me nervous oh no get it get it mark get it mark
36:48has he got it mark oh it's a brick he dropped it oh she's not oh he's so apologetic look
37:07he doesn't go dead though he does the man can die very well that was a good dad that man that was
37:18amazing yeah like he can't catch for shit but he can act
37:22in Edinburgh what do you think of my hair well I was good to say you had a haircut it's quite short
37:36it's not cut it's been scalped sisters Susie and Rosie did he ask or did he just do oh he just did
37:44he never asked and the thing is he won't let me wear my glasses so you can't see no I can't see
37:49so he just cuts and cuts and we're chatting away and I never know and then suddenly at the end
37:54and what did you say I said it was lovely
37:56on Monday the BBC was making the headlines on ITV News
38:05what did you do that for I think that was a mistake Mary I was trying to kick it off I always forget
38:11about the news over at weekend as well it's like Monday's a bit of a reset to find out what's going
38:16on with the world what's happened over weekend since we've been gallivanting the chair of the BBC
38:21has apologized for an error of judgment within the organization over the editing of a documentary
38:27about Donald Trump I heard about this on BBC Radio 2 this morning on their news program
38:37but then what's funny is it's when the BBC's got a scandal and the BBC news reports on it
38:42Director General Tim Davey and Head of News Deborah Tarnasse both stepped down last night
38:47you know when they say heads should roll well that's a very very actually have rolled very big
38:53heads that have rolled after criticism that the panorama program misled viewers by editing a speech
38:59made by the US president panorama as well yeah which is a national institution that's a go-to for
39:05solid news yeah they're gonna do a panorama about this panorama yeah panorama about panorama man
39:11panorama panorama a panorama program about Donald Trump edited together two parts of his speech in
39:182021 here's a scene of the crime feathers that was spoken nearly an hour apart oh oh actually that's
39:26not great is it this is what they used we're gonna walk down to the capital and I'll be there with you
39:33oh wow and we fight we fight like hell and if you don't fight like hell you're not gonna have a
39:41country anymore that sounds like something Trump would say 100% and this is what he actually said
39:46what did he actually say what did he actually say we're gonna walk down to the capital now that's
39:53where he stops you see stop so we're not going to go and fight no what did he say and we're gonna
40:00cheer on our brave senators and congressmen and women all panorama thinking yeah because I can imagine
40:10if you want to shed Donald Trump in a bad light there's enough actual footage out there yeah why
40:17do this the US president wrote last night the top people in the BBC including Tim Davey the boss are
40:24all quitting fired because they were caught doctoring my very good perfect speech of January 6th I love
40:31that in brackets perfect exclamation mark close brackets I mean it's kind of a flex to be personally
40:38named by the president of the United States yeah no matter what the circumstances but still you know
40:47the pair of them had to lose their jobs and later this happened
40:52but everything's a bit somber in the BBC newsroom everyone's on eggshells good evening the BBC is
41:00tonight being threatened with a billion dollar legal action by Donald Trump billion dollar you know
41:06shit that's us that's our money oh god who says he might sue the corporation over the editing of a
41:12speech put out in a panorama program last year that could ruin them financially not here and ruin our
41:18lives we don't want the BBC shut down it does it everywhere Donald if he gets anything they want he's
41:24threatens to sue him this is how it makes a lot of money they might go and start seizing goods yeah
41:28you know Greg James's microphone seized Queen Vic flogged yeah imagine oh the last EastEnders
41:36Duff Duff been played yeah Strictly's had the disco ball taken and there's no more fake tan
41:43gone Blackpool week that's gone down the shit pan not the budget for that now all I'm saying is you
41:49know when you think you're having a bad day in all hey I thought about you yesterday Jen at
41:56Wednesday market oh did you I got you a present it's a belt best friends Jenny and Lee that's no
42:03good for me look at the size of it I thought it would be it's more like a bloody dog collar than a
42:08belt no it was bells the stall said belts what it's a frigging dog harness on Monday night it was
42:21business as usual with the cops and robbers on Channel 5 this is the program where they hardly ever catch
42:27anyone isn't it yes I had to intercept Ray in the fridge the other day God I just caught him in time
42:32whack and bang the fridge door real quick what you've had enough you've had enough now I would
42:43like to do an advanced driving course I actually would you need one because you're a shocking driver
42:48mid-afternoon on the motorway and drivers have no idea what's motoring up behind them they have no
42:55idea what's motoring up behind they said the one-liners are awful isn't it I swear you write them to me
43:01cops are racing in numbers to try and reach a suspected stolen car oh here we go the car
43:08thereafter was allegedly stolen by a gang wielding machetes we need machetes I'm getting a bit tasty
43:15this so thick cold luckily the National Police Air Service has swooped in to keep tabs on the targets
43:21the birds on them the birds on them they plan to box in the Beamer with multiple armed response
43:26vehicles oh the boxing in tactic I love this yeah I know you let's go between lanes one and two
43:32back to one I will give him that it is quite smooth the changing of lanes and they did indicate
43:39which you can't be done for that yeah committed committed M6 oh god don't go on the M6 you've
43:47fucked it now terrible idea worst idea do you know what pack up a bus stop and just get out a marked car
43:53is neck-and-neck with their target at 130 miles an hour good golly miss Molly that is terrifying my van
44:01couldn't do that struggles it's 17 and at last they have the requisite three behind and one in
44:08front three behind one in front that sounds like a good weekend to me but with traffic at a standstill
44:13ahead oh yes come on a static static yeah oh they've got him it's busy finally a bit of traffic we've not
44:23had any of that I was questioning whether or not it was a UK road close up close up this is a good
44:30time to box it box it no but it's too late oh Jesus he's a bugger and he you see you should
44:42never leave gaps when there's traffic like that because every bloody arsehole speeds down and jumps
44:47in okay it's now racing down the hard shoulder with just one car in pursuit but he's not going
44:54to be able to pull off anywhere is he no are you ever being pulled off on the motorway
44:59well air support can see but the runaway can't there's a broken down lorry on the hard shoulder
45:07ahead oh wonderful perfect yeah that's what they're looking there and the driver slams on the anchors
45:15coming to a stop with inches to spare oh bon appetit finish now he ain't going nowhere it should be game over
45:25no look he's going to go through that gut that's it tactical contact and this time he's done yes they've got him they've got him yes it's over surely
45:40get out of the window oh do you know what there was a small part of me rooting for the extreme me too
45:49a little bit but they've got machetes daniela oh they've got him he's on the ground oh let us see
45:57their faces how old are you 16 16 16 what the same age as my son i swear to god send him to me bring
46:09him come bring him come to me yeah i remember when i was 16 just uh done my gcses first thing i did was
46:16steal a car yeah you couldn't even ride a bike
46:19you can stream come down with me teens right now not streaming now come tidy up after yourselves teens
46:35not in my house anyway getting away from it all will simmer and erupt from the bestseller summer
46:41water begins sunday evening at nine speaking of bestsellers richard osmond joins the last leg next
Be the first to comment
Add your comment