- 17 hours ago
Sonny tries to court Elly May, as he determines that she needs to change from a hillbilly into an upper-class lady; Granny offers the use of her love charms to spice up their affair.
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00:00Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed.
00:02A poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed.
00:05And then one day he was shooting at some food.
00:08And up through the ground come a bubbling crude.
00:11Oil, that is, black gold, Texas tea.
00:16Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
00:19The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there.
00:22Said, California is the place you ought to be.
00:24So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly Hills, that is.
00:29Swimming poos, movie stars.
00:32The Beverly Hillbillies.
01:09Now, quit out of here, Jed.
01:11Come on, Randy.
01:12There's a lot of darn nonsense.
01:14Come on, it ain't no such thing.
01:16Now, it ain't gonna hurt you none.
01:18I got things to do.
01:19The first thing you gotta do is sit down here and get your hair cut.
01:24My hair don't need cutting.
01:25If it gets any longer, I'll have to braid it.
01:28I declare it.
01:30You fight haircutting like a steer fights branding.
01:34Well, the last time you cut my hair, you did brand me.
01:37How did I know somebody poured hot gravy in my bowl?
01:44Smarted considerable.
01:46Sure plastered your hair down nice, though.
01:49No, I might go to sellin' that stuff.
01:52Gravy?
01:55Sure made your hair look mighty sprucey.
01:57Yes, sir.
01:58You were slicker than a peeled onion.
02:01I smell like one, too.
02:02Sir, I'd go to sellin' that stuff.
02:06I could put an ad in one of them catalogs.
02:08If you want the girls to stop and stare,
02:11put Granny's gravy on your hair.
02:14All right, Granny, come on.
02:16Let's get on with it.
02:18Hey, Uncle Jim, you're gettin' your hair cut.
02:22Thanks for tellin' me, Jethro.
02:24Well, that's all right.
02:25Darn it, Jethro.
02:27What's goin' on?
02:28Is there gonna be a wedding or somethin'?
02:30I could be, the way that Sonny Drysdale is a sparkin' hill he made.
02:34He's with her right now, up by the cement pond.
02:37I better get right out there and keep on him.
02:39Now you sit still and leave those young'uns alone.
02:41Well, can't you remember how it was when you was a boy?
02:46Yeah.
02:47I better get right out there.
02:51It's broad daylight.
02:52And besides, they swim.
02:54No, they ain't.
02:55They just sittin' on the bank, and he's a-holdin' her hand.
03:00What an interesting hand you have.
03:02I see a man, a handsome man, a handsome Harvard man.
03:07Where?
03:08Right there, on your heart line.
03:11Oh, that's just the one I got from pickin' up toast.
03:16Ellie, you mustn't let horrid, slimy creatures touch you.
03:20Oh, heck, you ain't slimy, Sonny.
03:22Just a mite greasy from all that oil you smear on yourself.
03:27What a precious paradox you are.
03:29What a charming contradiction.
03:31You look pure Park Avenue, and you speak pure Tobacco Road.
03:34That good?
03:35Good, it's fascinating.
03:37You're a challenge to me, child of nature.
03:40You are the raw clay from which I will mold a perfect woman,
03:43worthy of a perfect man.
03:45Me.
03:45You don't show us Pygmalion.
03:48I don't even know Shadow, let alone his pig.
03:51Oh, you woodland sprites!
03:54You forest little bird.
03:57You are so refreshing after all those intellectual types of Vassar and Wellesley.
04:03You make me feel superior.
04:05That good?
04:06Good?
04:07It's divine.
04:25I am Caesar, and you are a fair-skinned captive, a barbarian slave.
04:31Shall I drag you through the streets of Rome behind my chariot?
04:34Oh, shall I throw you into the arena with my lions?
04:37No, Caesar has other plans for you, my little savage.
04:42You shall be my slave, yes, but only the invisible bonds of love shall make you my prisoner.
04:50Come, I shall strum upon my lyre and recite odes to your beauty.
04:59What say you to that, fair maiden?
05:02How speak you now to mighty Caesar?
05:06I declare, Sonny, you're more fun than a buck in a tag post.
05:14I declare your wig been worse than a worm in a bait bucket.
05:18You want your daughter to be an old maid?
05:20Of course not.
05:21Next year, she'll be too old to get a husband.
05:24She's almost 18.
05:25I mean, I don't.
05:27Sure is.
05:28She done waited too long, Uncle Jed.
05:30Why, no boy wants to marry up with a middle-aged woman.
05:35Ellie Mae can get herself a husband any time she wants to.
05:38Why, she's the prettiest and...
05:39Oh, now don't get your old feathers riled up, you old rooster, you.
05:43Ellie Mae, it'll be all right if you just leave her alone.
05:46Well, I ain't sure Sonny Drysdale's good enough for her.
05:49He's considerable older than she is.
05:50Well, don't worry about that, Uncle Jed.
05:52His family lives a heap longer than most folks.
05:55Yeah?
05:56Yeah.
05:57Sonny told me that there's been a member of his family a-living in Boston
06:00since 1632.
06:02Well, that rascal's over 300 years old.
06:06He was a green in you.
06:08Yeah, you sure swollen a whopper.
06:10No, ma'am.
06:11Sonny's honest.
06:12Why, he's so honest, he has to have somebody do his lying for him.
06:15Do his lying for him?
06:17Yes, sir.
06:18Well, I heard him call through the heads to Ellie.
06:20He says, I'm coming over to serenade you,
06:22and I'm gonna bring my lyre.
06:27Come, fair maiden,
06:28and I shall sing of your golden tresses
06:30and your azure eyes
06:31and your skin of alabaster
06:33and your other charms
06:34that set me aflame.
06:36You mean you really burn it?
06:39Yes, dear one.
06:40And only you can put out the fire.
06:43Okay.
06:49How's that, Sonny?
06:50Feel better now?
07:00All right, sister.
07:01You're next.
07:03Oh, hi, Ellie Mae.
07:05Where's Sonny?
07:05Well, he run home to his mama.
07:07You didn't throw him down and hurt him again, did you?
07:10He caught fire, so I whetted him down into the pond.
07:14Sound like you've done the right thing.
07:15How'd he catch fire?
07:17He said it was my charms that set him to burn it.
07:20What charms were you toting?
07:21Well, just my sack of crawdad bones and my buckeye.
07:25We never heard of crawdad bones and a buckeye starting to blaze.
07:29What happened to your rabbit's foot?
07:31Oh!
07:31I didn't have it.
07:34There you are.
07:35You can expect trouble when you ain't toting a rabbit's foot.
07:38Know what my teacher over at Pott School said about toting a rabbit's foot?
07:41What?
07:42She said it's a superstitious invocation contradicted by scientific knowledge.
07:49It's always nice to know you ain't been doing something foolish.
07:55Don't you worry, Aunt Ellie.
07:57You go jump into a purdy dress, and I'll walk you up a love charm that I guarantee will bring
08:02Sonny Drysdale back.
08:05Yes, I am, Mother.
08:06I'm going back.
08:07Donnie, darling, you're delirious.
08:10Oh, here, bring some of this penicillin.
08:14I'll send for an ambulance.
08:15Mother, I am perfectly all right.
08:19Of course you are, precious.
08:22A nice rest in an oxygen tent is all you need.
08:26I don't need an oxygen tent or an ambulance.
08:29All right.
08:30All right.
08:32Just relax, and Mumsie will call the police.
08:35Police?
08:36But of course.
08:37I mean to have that violent, dangerous girl arrested for attempted drowning.
08:42Mother, you will not call the police.
08:45I'm going back there right now to see Ellie Mae.
08:48Ah, darling, that's very brave of you, but you're in no condition to make a citizen's arrest.
08:55Mother, I'm not going to arrest her.
08:58I want to help her, to work with her, to tutor her.
09:03What?
09:04She's like a wild, wonderful jungle cat, and I'm going to tame her.
09:13Sonny, you are delirious.
09:16I'll call the doctor.
09:18Mother!
09:18My mind is made up.
09:20That girl needs me.
09:21For the first time in my life, somebody really needs me.
09:24I need you.
09:26The whole world needs you.
09:27Ellie Mae Clampett needs me, and I need her.
09:30I'll be a Pygmalion.
09:31And she'll be my Galatea.
09:33Ah!
09:36Sonny, you're not becoming emotionally involved with that creature.
09:40She's not a creature, Mother.
09:42She's a girl.
09:43A wild, wonderful, beautiful, ravishing girl.
09:48Yes, I am becoming emotionally involved.
09:51Honey, I forbid.
09:54She's not socially acceptable for my baby.
09:57Mother, I'm not your baby anymore.
10:01I'm a man in search of a woman.
10:13There goes that music again.
10:16Did you ever find out where that's coming from?
10:19No, sir, I didn't.
10:20Every time I went to look at boy, somebody always come to the door.
10:26This time, I'm going to find it for sure.
10:31You see?
10:37Oh, bonjour, Jethro.
10:39Oh, howdy, Miss Hathaway.
10:40Oh, no, no, no, no.
10:42When I say, bonjour, Jethro, you say, bonjour, Mademoiselle Jane.
10:48I say, bonjour, Mademoiselle Jane.
10:52Bonjour, Mademoiselle Jane.
10:55That's very good.
10:56Except for the moi.
10:58It must be soft.
11:00Moi.
11:02Moi.
11:02Moi.
11:03Moi.
11:03No, no, no, no, no.
11:04Watch my lips closely.
11:07Moi.
11:08Try that.
11:10Moi.
11:11Try it again.
11:14Moi.
11:15That's closer.
11:16Try again.
11:18Moi.
11:19Once more.
11:21Moi.
11:21Close in on her, Jethro.
11:26Oh, Mr. Clabber, I was attempting to teach Jethro to articulate the Gaelic diphthong.
11:32No matter what fancy name you call it, he ain't very good at it.
11:36He'll learn.
11:37But now to the purpose of my visit.
11:39Is Sonny Drysdale here?
11:40No, but he will be.
11:43Granny's out in the kitchen whomping up a love charm for Ellie to give to him.
11:46She said they'll bring him on the run.
11:49Mr. Clabber, I am reluctant to disillusion you about so-called love charms,
11:54but they are mere superstitious invocations,
11:56and have been proved to be completely ineffective.
11:58Granny sets a great store by him, too.
12:18Here you are, Ellie.
12:20One guaranteed love charm.
12:22Guard it with your life.
12:23What's in it, Granny?
12:25Oh, I doesn't tell you.
12:26Least way is not just yet.
12:28But I'll give you the secret before I go on to my reward like my Granny done to me.
12:34I've got it, too, Granny.
12:35Granny?
12:38Granny, Mr. Clabber tells me that you conjured up some sort of love charm for Ellie Mae.
12:43Right here it did.
12:44Made out of all secret stuff.
12:47That is ludicrous, irrational, sophomoric, and pure hokum.
12:52You didn't even guess one ingredient.
12:57No, Granny.
12:58Ah, don't you come spying.
13:00I'm telling you for the good of the country.
13:02If the secret of this love charm ever got out,
13:05I'd shiver to think what might happen.
13:08I would want it on my conscience.
13:12Hear me now, mongrel.
13:14Neither sleep, nor snow,
13:17nor vicious beast
13:18shall keep me from the side of my beloved.
13:20Here I come,
13:22ready or not.
13:27So, you still think it won't work, huh?
13:30That is correct.
13:32All right, Ellie.
13:35Open up the pasture, mate.
13:37Now, when I drop this tartan powder in it,
13:40quick close it,
13:41press it to your heart,
13:43and say,
13:44darling, darling,
13:45my true love,
13:46come a-swooping like a duck.
13:50Darling, darling,
13:51my true love,
13:52come a-swooping like a duck.
13:54This is Ellie!
13:56Ellie!
13:58I have flown to your side
14:00in spite of all danger.
14:02What fate,
14:03what power have I to thank
14:04for giving wings to my feet?
14:08That little old charm maker,
14:10meat.
14:17And now,
14:18we shall begin the transition
14:19from Tobacco Road
14:21to Park Avenue.
14:22Now, you watch me closely,
14:23and I'll show you how to develop
14:24perfect posture
14:26and grace of movement.
14:28Ah,
14:29Kipling.
14:30Well,
14:32do you like Kipling?
14:33I don't know.
14:34I ain't never Kipple.
14:37Oh,
14:37you are a challenge,
14:39you ravishing rustic,
14:40you child of nature.
14:42Now,
14:42here,
14:42you try.
14:45There we are.
14:46Now,
14:47walk.
14:48Oh!
14:49You'll have to try that again.
14:51Now,
14:51sit down.
14:52Now,
14:53watch me.
14:56We walk as though
14:57upon a cloud,
14:59and we glide
15:00with lissome grace,
15:02and as we walk,
15:04we always keep
15:05a smile
15:06upon our face.
15:08What's he doing?
15:10That there is
15:11something called
15:11Kipoli.
15:12He's trying to
15:13learn it to Ellie.
15:15This is how you sit
15:16in a chair,
15:18smoothly,
15:20and gracefully.
15:22There ain't no chair
15:23where he's a-sittin'.
15:24I know.
15:25What do you reckon's
15:26wrong with that rascal?
15:28Appears to me
15:28he's about two bricks
15:29shy of a load.
15:33turn old Duke loose
15:35so we can go in there
15:36and protect Ellie.
15:39Now,
15:40we'll practice
15:41diction and intonation
15:42at the same time.
15:45How now,
15:47brown cow?
15:49How now,
15:51brown cow?
15:52What's he talking about?
15:53He thinks old Duke
15:54is a cow.
15:56You best fetch a granny.
15:58Appears to me
15:59she's threw too strong
16:00a charm on that boy.
16:01Yes, sir.
16:09There you are.
16:11One guaranteed charmer.
16:13Now,
16:14you hold the bag
16:15while I sift in the starter.
16:16I know this is all
16:17a lot of absolutely
16:18ridiculous nonsense.
16:20Please hurry.
16:25Darling, darling,
16:26my true love,
16:27come a-swooping
16:28like a dove.
16:30I better open this door
16:31before he busts it in.
16:35Miss Jane!
16:37Here he is!
16:38Granny's love charm
16:39is too strong.
16:39Don't fight it!
16:41It's bigger than both of us.
16:43Circled on me!
16:44Granny,
16:45come quick.
16:45The love charm
16:46you throwed on Sunday
16:47Drysdale
16:47was too strong for him!
16:49Thank you, Granny!
16:51How now,
16:53brown cow?
16:55How now,
16:57brown cow?
16:59How now,
17:00brown cow?
17:01How now,
17:03brown cow?
17:09How's it going,
17:10Uncle Jed?
17:10Bad.
17:11Now he's got Ellie
17:12believing old Duke
17:13is a cow.
17:14brown cow?
17:14You think a charm,
17:15Granny?
17:15I reckon so.
17:17I'll sprinkle on
17:18with some
17:19letting go powder.
17:20Oh, on your head,
17:21I'll sprinkle some
17:22on Miss Jane.
17:22She's shutting off
17:23the blood to my arm.
17:24How now,
17:26brown cow?
17:27See,
17:27with powder,
17:28white as snow,
17:29make the charm
17:29of love let go.
17:37The smell is broken.
17:39Now please,
17:40everybody listen to me.
17:41I must have complete
17:42quiet and concentration
17:44if I am to transform
17:46this bucolic beauty
17:47into a sophisticated
17:49debutante.
17:50Now,
17:51I have studied drama
17:52at Yale,
17:53Harvard,
17:53Princeton,
17:54and Dartmouth
17:55and I am probably
17:57the only living man
17:58who can accomplish
17:59this difficult
18:00cultural metamorphosis
18:02in the brief time
18:03available.
18:04Now,
18:05everybody please go
18:06while I transfuse
18:08into this simple
18:10untutored mind
18:11the charm,
18:12the polish,
18:13the splendor
18:14that a sunny dry stick.
18:24Hi,
18:24Granny.
18:27Is Ellie and Sonny
18:28still in that room alone?
18:30It was the last time
18:31I was listening,
18:31a couple hours ago.
18:33They was talking
18:34about the rain
18:35in Spain,
18:36a land in the plain.
18:38Well,
18:39I guess he can't be up
18:40to no nonsense
18:40if they're talking
18:41about the weather.
18:43No,
18:44I can't wait
18:44to see Ellie
18:45all polished up
18:46and talking
18:47like Sonny
18:48and Miss Jean.
18:49While you're waiting,
18:50I got something
18:51for you.
18:52What is it?
18:53A love charm.
18:56What in the same
18:57heel I want
18:58with that?
18:59Ain't what you're
18:59wanting,
19:00it's what you're
19:00getting,
19:00a woman.
19:01And it's high time
19:02you got one
19:03being a widower.
19:04Besides,
19:06the moon is right.
19:07That's why
19:08this stuff
19:08is working
19:09so high-fired
19:10powerful.
19:11So,
19:11here.
19:12Well,
19:12I ain't interested
19:13in none of these
19:15la-dee-die
19:15Beverly Hills
19:16women,
19:17so here.
19:18Well,
19:18they're interested
19:19in you,
19:20so here.
19:20Who says?
19:21Jethro says.
19:23Jethro don't
19:24know nothing,
19:24so here.
19:25I reckon
19:26Jethro ought to
19:27know what's
19:27going on
19:27in his own
19:28school.
19:29Besides,
19:30I saw her
19:31making sheep's eyes
19:32at you.
19:33It's all here.
19:34You caught who
19:35making sheep's
19:36eyes at me?
19:36Mrs. Millicent
19:37Schuyler Potts,
19:39that's who.
19:40Oh,
19:40that.
19:41You did?
19:43They educate a woman
19:44like that.
19:46Jethro says she
19:47asks for you
19:48every day.
19:49Hmm.
19:50Oh,
19:50what'd she want
19:51with an old
19:51mountain goat
19:52like me?
19:53If I was to
19:54put a little
19:55starting powder
19:55in there,
19:56and you
19:57was to say
19:57the magic
19:58words,
19:59no woman
20:00could resist
20:01you.
20:02I don't
20:03hold with
20:03stuff like
20:04this.
20:05You're a
20:06skirt,
20:06ain't you?
20:07Oh,
20:08I ain't a
20:08skirt.
20:12Then go
20:13ahead.
20:13I double
20:14dog-dail you.
20:17Will?
20:18Open the
20:19pouch,
20:20you might.
20:22Now.
20:23Well,
20:24this is just
20:24a lot of
20:24doggone
20:25nonsense.
20:26Close it
20:26tight,
20:27clamp it
20:28to your
20:28heart,
20:28and say
20:29the words.
20:38Darling,
20:39darling,
20:39my true
20:39love
20:40come a-swooping
20:40like a
20:41dove.
20:42Where is
20:42he?
20:42Where's
20:43my dog?
20:44It's
20:45Mrs. Drysdale.
20:48Where is
20:49he?
20:49Oh,
20:50where is
20:50he?
20:51Oh,
20:52I tried
20:53to stay
20:54away,
20:54but I
20:54could not.
20:55He's
20:56mine,
20:56and no
20:56other
20:57woman
20:57shall
20:57have
20:58him.
20:58Right,
20:59then you're
20:59a married
20:59woman.
21:00Think of
21:00your husband,
21:00you're
21:01fine.
21:02I want
21:03my
21:04darling,
21:04and no
21:05one is
21:05going to
21:05keep me
21:06from him.
21:07I sure
21:07hate to
21:08have to
21:08do
21:08this,
21:09but...
21:13Sonny,
21:14where are
21:14you,
21:15Sonny?
21:16He's
21:16inside with
21:17Ellie May.
21:17Now,
21:17if you just
21:18calm yourself
21:18down,
21:19I'll go
21:19and get
21:19him.
21:19He's
21:21coming,
21:21Charles
21:21Haynes.
21:23Howdy,
21:24Ma.
21:25Was you
21:25a-hollering
21:26for me?
21:29They
21:30brainwashed
21:32you.
21:50But now
21:51it's time
21:51to say
21:52goodbye
21:52to
21:53Jed and
21:53all his
21:53kin.
21:54They
21:54would
21:55like
21:55to
21:55thank
21:55you
21:56folks
21:56for
21:56kindly
21:56dropping
21:57in.
21:57You're
21:58all
21:58invited
21:58back
21:59next
21:59week
21:59to
22:00this
22:00locality
22:01to
22:01have
22:02a heaping
22:02helping
22:02of
22:03their
22:03hospitality.
22:05Hillbilly,
22:05that is.
22:07Set a spell.
22:08Take your
22:08shoes off.
22:10Y'all come
22:10back now.
22:11Hear?
22:21This has
22:22been a
22:22Filmways
22:23presentation.
22:29Viacom.
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