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Classic TV show featuring Dean Martin and celebrity guests roasting Muhammad Ali in a humorous and entertaining fashion.
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00:00The D. Martin Celebrity Roast, coming to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the entertainment capital of the world, Las Vegas, Nevada.
00:23The glittering city of excitement and laughter provides the scintillating backdrop for tonight's star-studded roast.
00:30Ladies and gentlemen, from the Ziegfeld Room of the Grand Hotel, some of the world's greatest entertainers are here tonight as D. Martin honors our man of the hour, Muhammad Ali.
00:41With tonight's guests, Howard Cosell, Orson Welles, Freddie Prinze, Gabe Kaplan, Tony Orlando, Gene Kelly, Isabel Sanford, Wilt Chamberlain, Sherman Hemsley, Red Button, Rocky Graziano, Georgia Engel,
01:09Lloyd Patterson, Foster Brooks, Ypsi Russell, Herbert Mohamed, and your roast master, Gene Martin, with tonight's very special man of the hour, Muhammad Ali.
01:24Whenever you see this guy, he's always yelling,
01:40Are the greatest.
01:43Are the greatest?
01:45Now, lots of people don't agree, like Joe Frazier, Ken Norton, and our cocktail waitress in Cleveland.
01:56He's a great fighter, a great wit, and a great humanitarian.
02:06I say that out of respect, out of esteem, and out of fear.
02:15No one can deny that he's a great fighter.
02:19He's got all the equipment, great body, great legs, and he's got a 21-inch reach.
02:27And that's just his tongue.
02:34You hit me, I'll flatten you up, can you?
02:39I'll call Frank.
02:40Mr. Freddie King.
02:55Thank you very much.
02:56Thank you very much on behalf of us.
02:58Here we are, the Hudson Brothers.
03:02Thank you, thank you, Dean.
03:04Hello, champ.
03:04I'm very proud to be here because, uh, as a kid growing up in Spanish Harlem, I used to watch Muhammad Ali on TV all the time.
03:12Which was hard to do while two guys were carrying it out the window.
03:20Muhammad Ali, he's, I like him because he's a very moral man.
03:24He doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't gamble, doesn't go running around with wild women.
03:30If I did that, I could beat up everybody, too.
03:31I mean, he's a God-fearing man.
03:36It's nice to know he's afraid of somebody.
03:39See, but Muhammad Ali showed all us kids that it was possible for a poor boy to get out of the ghetto.
03:44And that's what my mother always wanted for me.
03:46She would say to me,
03:47Freddie, what's the matter with you?
03:50Don't hang around, go to college, be a doctor.
03:52Who wanted to be a doctor in my neighborhood?
03:54It's difficult to make a house call to a burning house.
03:57Or she would say, Freddie, be a dentist.
04:00There's plenty of teeth in the neighborhood.
04:02And she was right.
04:03They were over there, over there.
04:09Anyway, what's the big deal about going to college to learn how to be something?
04:12Especially with today's job situation.
04:15What do you need college for?
04:16So you can hold a better conversation in the unemployment line?
04:19So you can say to the cashier,
04:21May I have my weekly benefits instead of...
04:23Give me my money, sucker.
04:32That's why I was fascinated by a man like Ali, you know,
04:35because he got out of poverty with his fists.
04:37So I said to myself, why couldn't I?
04:39Everybody told me I had fast, exciting hands,
04:42hands that could penetrate any defense and do a magnificent job.
04:46If you don't believe me, ask Conchita, Luella, Shirley.
04:49Shirley Silberg, she was a social worker.
04:51She did her best work when she was social.
04:53There's a difference between a black fighter and a Puerto Rican fighter.
04:59Like a black fighter come up to you.
05:01All right, chump, look out.
05:02Here I come.
05:02Show me your best stuff.
05:03Woo!
05:04Puerto Rican fighter just come out.
05:06Okay, man.
05:18See, but Muhammad Ali is my idol.
05:21And I gave up the idea of being a fighter, though.
05:24I did, you know, because, uh...
05:26Champ, I'll tell you why in your own poetic way.
05:29I thought I would take up fighting to win my fortune and fame.
05:32I thought I could whoop them other cats and be tops in the fighting game.
05:35So I showed my stuff to my buddies, and this is what they saw.
05:38I was fighting just like Ali, but I did it like Ali McGraw.
05:47Looking good!
05:51Thank you, President.
05:58Mr. Dave Kaplan.
06:09Anyway, I really can relate to being here tonight because I have a history of boxers in my family.
06:13First of all, it was my uncle, Slapsy Maxy Kaplan.
06:17You know, a lot of fighters train on steaks.
06:19My uncle ate nothing but pickle herring.
06:22He couldn't box, but he knocked out his opponents with his breath.
06:28We're talking about boxes.
06:29We have a lot of greats here tonight.
06:31We have Floyd Patterson.
06:32Floyd is the first man to regain the heavyweight championship.
06:35Some people say that Floyd couldn't take a punch.
06:43Well, I don't know about that.
06:44But the Corning Glass Company is bidding on his chin.
06:49The second man to regain the heavyweight championship was Muhammad Ali.
06:53Muhammad, I took a poll in the lobby of this hotel just before this roast,
06:56and people here hope that you retain that heavyweight championship belt for a long time.
07:02There is one condition, though, that you agree to wear it over your mouth.
07:09And listen, Muhammad, your poetry.
07:11I mean, enough already.
07:12This is the only man here who ever made Rod McEwen throw up.
07:19Muhammad is always saying that he's pretty.
07:21I mean, anybody would look pretty if the only man you ever stood next to
07:24were Howard Cosell and Joe Frazier.
07:29But this is a man who never forgets his beginnings, Muhammad Ali.
07:33In the men's room of this hotel today, he gave his cousin a dollar tip.
07:41But at least he's playing it safe with his money.
07:44I was talking to Muhammad's chief financial advisor, Joe Lewis.
07:51And they have great plans for Muhammad's money.
07:54They're going to invest in a chain of Howard Cosell charm schools.
07:59I'd like to close Muhammad with a little poem,
08:02and you'll excuse me if the style sounds a little familiar.
08:05Tonight we're roasting the greatest fight of life.
08:08People say different things about Ali.
08:10Some of them are really jive.
08:11I'm going to tell you something that I don't know if you knew.
08:14It gives to his people, but it gives to other people, too.
08:17So I'm going to say this right now as loud as I can.
08:19Sitting right over here is a mighty big man.
08:22Yeah.
08:35Red, Mark.
08:36Why are they giving this man a roast when some of the greatest black people
08:49in the history of the world never got a dinner?
08:53That's right.
08:59When they never got a dinner.
09:02Sidney Poitier, who once said to Lester Maddox,
09:06guess who's not coming to dinner?
09:12Never got a dinner.
09:15George Foreman, who said to the referee during the Ali fight,
09:18I think he's got a razor.
09:24Christmas Addicts.
09:26The black revolutionary war hero who said at the Battle of Bunker Hill,
09:31don't fire till you see the whites.
09:37Never got a dinner.
09:42Bill Chamberlain's mother,
09:43who once said kids don't look up to their parents anymore.
09:55Yes, Jim, Justice Thurgood Marshall,
09:57who said when he was appointed to the Supreme Court,
10:00he had come to judge.
10:05And Jemima,
10:07who once said these hotcakes are selling like hotcakes.
10:11You never got a dinner.
10:17Uncle Remus,
10:18who once said to Uncle Ben,
10:20you're a credit to your rice.
10:35Pearl Bailey,
10:36he said when she was invited to the White House,
10:39I'll sing and I'll dance,
10:40but I don't do windows.
10:45Yeah, I got a dinner,
10:46and certainly one of the greatest blacks of all time,
10:49Shirley Temple Black.
10:55Yeah, I got a dinner,
10:57but as ambassador to Ghana,
10:59she could be to dinner.
11:00A fine young singer
11:25and a great pal of the champs,
11:29Mr. Tony Orlando.
11:43You can't go on fighting forever, Mohammed.
11:46I mean, let's face it,
11:47you're not Sonny and Cher.
11:47Matter of fact,
11:53he's so enterprising,
11:54Mohammed,
11:54one night he called Freddie and I,
11:56Freddie Prince with the house.
11:57Remember this one, Freddie?
11:58Yeah.
11:58Calls up,
11:59always creating a new business idea
12:00in case it's all over,
12:01and he says,
12:02Tony, I got it.
12:02Me, you, and Freddie
12:03are going into a soap detergent business.
12:05We're going to call it Spick and Shine.
12:06You told me backstage
12:18that you wanted to make Halloween
12:20a legal black holiday.
12:24He did.
12:24He told me that.
12:25He said,
12:25after all,
12:26it's the only night of the year
12:27that the spooks come out
12:28to chase the honkies.
12:35This is all in good fun, Mohammed.
12:36Don't hold this against me.
12:39Actually, good luck, champ,
12:40because you are, without a doubt,
12:42the greatest fighter
12:43since Cassius Clay.
12:56Over the years,
12:57Mohammed Ali has taken on
12:59every heavyweight challenger
13:01except one,
13:02and that fighter
13:03is here with us tonight.
13:05Ladies and gentlemen,
13:07the beast of Bayonne,
13:08the great white hope,
13:10Billy Boom Boom Berkowitz.
13:13You know what he's...
13:29Scared of?
13:32I'll show you.
13:33Scared of this body.
13:36What do you think of it, huh?
13:37Tell me the truth.
13:38What do you think of this body?
13:39The body.
13:43After my life
13:44saw anything like that,
13:45my dog was burying it.
13:51Mohammed,
13:52you've been avoiding me
13:54for years.
13:55You get a $5 million fight
13:57in...
13:57there.
13:59I can't get a $50...
14:01about in Poland.
14:03All you give me is...
14:10promises.
14:11You're all...
14:11talk.
14:12Talk.
14:12That's what you are.
14:13Talk.
14:13When they built your mouthpiece,
14:15they made the...
14:16mold from the...
14:17Holland Tunnel.
14:17That was Mr. Charlie Callum.
14:36Wilt Chamberlain.
14:39Our next guest is an athlete
14:42who holds all kinds
14:44of scoring records
14:46and some of them
14:48in basketball.
14:53Come on up here, Wilt.
14:56Or whatever pleases you.
14:58You better...
15:13You better sit down
15:19before I slam one paisano.
15:24They don't have me up here
15:25because they weren't someone
15:26that was tall, dark, and handsome.
15:27They would have got
15:31someone a lot darker.
15:36Most people
15:37don't realize
15:38that you had a
15:39physical handicap
15:39when you were born.
15:42Did you know
15:43that Mohammed was a girl?
15:44one of the favorite people
16:04and one of the nicest ladies
16:07I know
16:07was Georgia Engel
16:09of the Mary Tyler Moore show.
16:14Georgia is so kind
16:15and considerate
16:16that she leaves
16:18a nightlight on
16:19for burglars.
16:24Georgia.
16:31Thank you, Mr. Martin.
16:32No, you can call me
16:35by my first name.
16:36All right.
16:38What is it?
16:47Whenever I do these roasts,
16:49the producer supplies me
16:51with some rough zingers
16:52to say about the guests
16:54here on the dais.
16:55So here I am again
16:56once again
16:57with some more raps,
16:59slams,
17:00put-down shticks,
17:01and a couple of rimshot hits.
17:06Okay, my first zinger.
17:10I'm glad to see
17:10Howard Cosell here.
17:12Howard recently had
17:14his own television
17:15variety show.
17:16The rating was so low
17:18only the gophers
17:20were watching.
17:25That was a terrible
17:27thing to say.
17:28I think,
17:29I think the only reason
17:31you didn't make it
17:32was because of
17:32the opposition.
17:34Unfortunately,
17:35both of the other networks
17:36had a show on
17:37at the same time.
17:38Of course,
17:46Dean Martin is here
17:47as always.
17:48Don't you like
17:49that handkerchief
17:50in his breast pocket?
17:51It used to be white
17:52until he rubbed
17:53his eyes with it.
17:59That was terrible.
18:02I don't think
18:02your eyes are red.
18:04Plus,
18:04I've never really
18:05seen them open.
18:08It's nice to see
18:11my friend
18:11Tony Orlando
18:12here tonight.
18:14The way Tony sings,
18:16dances,
18:16and does comedy,
18:17they should change
18:18the name of his act
18:19to Yawn and Dawn.
18:29Hey, Tony,
18:30it really doesn't matter
18:31that you don't have
18:32much talent.
18:33You're a star.
18:38And now we come
18:39to our guest of honor,
18:41Muhammad Ali.
18:44I wouldn't say
18:45that Ali has
18:45an ego problem,
18:47but he's the only
18:48person I know
18:49who has execs
18:50ways retouched.
18:54That really wasn't nice.
18:56I'm sorry.
18:58You have a right
18:59to be conceited.
19:00You're the greatest.
19:02Why?
19:02In fact,
19:03you told me
19:03that if you
19:04weren't a fighter,
19:05you'd be a contortionist
19:06so you could die
19:07in your own arms.
19:15I haven't offended
19:16anyone.
19:17That's it
19:17for the zingers.
19:18Muhammad Ali's record
19:31in the ring
19:32is loaded
19:32with impressive words.
19:34His recent knockout
19:36of Joe Frazier
19:37in Manila
19:37was one of the most
19:39exciting fights
19:40of this decade,
19:42and many sports writers
19:43have written it up
19:44well,
19:46in glowing terms.
19:47Here with us
19:48tonight is one
19:49of those writers
19:50who covered
19:51this bout.
19:53He's from
19:53the Louisville Courier.
19:56Ladies and gentlemen,
19:57Mr. Bill
19:58Crystal.
20:08Thanks, Mr. Martin.
20:09You're absolutely right
20:10when you say
20:10that the Manila fight
20:11was one of the greatest
20:12fights in history,
20:13but it wasn't perfect,
20:14Ali.
20:15This was missing.
20:16Hello once again,
20:19everyone.
20:20Howard Cosell
20:21coming to you.
20:28We are coming to you
20:30live via satellite
20:32from Manila,
20:34the Philippines.
20:37Pearl of the South Pacific.
20:41Muhammad,
20:42Angelo,
20:43get Muhammad over here.
20:44Here he is now,
20:49Muhammad Ali.
20:50Muhammad Frazier
20:51was incredible.
20:51How did you feel
20:52about the contest?
20:57Everybody's talking
20:58about Joe Frazier.
20:59Don't I'm talking
21:00about Joe?
21:06All right,
21:07that's a lot of nonsense.
21:08I'm still so fast,
21:09and you know
21:10I'm so pretty.
21:10I'm so fast,
21:18I can turn out
21:19the lights in my bedroom,
21:20be in the bed
21:20before the room
21:21gets dark.
21:26In retrospect,
21:27looking back,
21:31there is only one,
21:36Ali,
21:37there can never be another.
21:38He is singularly,
21:39Ali.
21:40Solely,
21:41Ali.
21:41That's the fact
21:42that makes him great.
21:43The fact that there
21:44is only one,
21:46Ali.
21:47Numero uno.
21:49There is little
21:50I can say about this man
21:51that he has not
21:52already said himself.
21:54Floyd Patterson is always
22:11considered one of the
22:12smartest fighters in the
22:13business.
22:15He knew that if you
22:16were going to fight
22:17guys like Ali,
22:19you needed two things,
22:20a good right cross
22:21and the phone number
22:23for Blue Cross.
22:26Ladies and gentlemen,
22:27a great champion,
22:30Floyd Patterson.
22:41Thank you, Dean.
22:43It's good to be standing here.
22:44because whether he likes
22:47it or not,
22:48the champ has to look
22:49up to me.
22:57I'm sure he invested
22:58his purses wisely
22:59by buying stock,
23:00bonds,
23:01and real estate.
23:03But by now,
23:04he must be interested
23:05in the bakery business
23:06because no fighter
23:09has ever had
23:10as much experience
23:11with cream puffs.
23:21If he doesn't
23:21challenge me soon,
23:23you'll have to invest
23:24in chicken delight.
23:30I suppose my biggest
23:31mistake was not
23:32taking the champ
23:33seriously
23:34when I signed
23:35to fight him.
23:36All I heard about him
23:37was he danced
23:38around the ring
23:39spouting poetry.
23:40He kept saying
23:41I'm going to
23:41whoop you,
23:42whoop you,
23:43whoop you.
23:44I said,
23:45that's whip,
23:46whip, whip.
23:49I don't mind
23:49if you're brutal,
23:50but don't be illiterate.
23:55The champ always
23:56says he's the greatest,
23:57but he never finishes
23:58that statement.
24:06If you listen
24:07to him long enough,
24:08you can fill in
24:09the blanks yourself.
24:11Thanks, Floyd.
24:28And after the show,
24:29I'd love to have you
24:31stop in my dressing room.
24:32I'll show you
24:33what it's like
24:34to have a real
24:35championship belt.
24:38ladies and gentlemen,
24:45here he is,
24:46old mighty mouth,
24:49my pal,
24:50humble Howard
24:51Co.
24:51sound.
25:03Thank you,
25:03Dino.
25:05What the hell
25:06right you've got
25:07to call me Dino?
25:11The sudden resort
25:13to both the truckulents
25:14hardly becomes you,
25:16Dino.
25:16I've never grown
25:18a truck in my life.
25:21You know,
25:22my friend,
25:22it suddenly occurred
25:23to me
25:24that you and I
25:25could do a little
25:26dance act.
25:27Do it together.
25:28The next time
25:29you play this hotel,
25:31we could call it
25:32a tantalizing
25:33tandem of
25:34toe-tapping
25:36Terpsichore.
25:37I could just
25:38see our names
25:39on the marquee.
25:40Humble
25:41and stumble.
25:46I admired
25:48this man
25:48ever since
25:49that fateful
25:50evening
25:50in Lewiston,
25:51Maine,
25:52when he
25:53he stalked
25:54that fearsome
25:55black specimen,
25:57Sonny Liston,
25:58like a black
25:59panther.
26:01Don't call him
26:02black.
26:02Sit down.
26:05What you want
26:05me to do?
26:06Call you a white
26:07tornado?
26:09Suddenly it was
26:10all over
26:10in less than
26:11one round.
26:11The invisible
26:12punch.
26:13The referee
26:13not able to
26:14count it was
26:14Jersey Joe
26:15Walcott.
26:15He went up
26:16to 24
26:16and that
26:17Fleischer
26:17told him
26:18the fight
26:18was over.
26:19The only
26:20thing that
26:20went down
26:21faster than
26:21Liston that
26:22night
26:23was the
26:24ratings on
26:25my Saturday
26:25night variety.
26:32Many of you
26:32have criticized
26:33Ali's performance
26:34in the ring,
26:35but he has
26:36every right
26:36to say I
26:37am the
26:37greatest.
26:38What other
26:39fighter has
26:40a heartbeat
26:40of 50
26:41per minute
26:42and a
26:43mouthbeat
26:44of 280?
26:49Muhammad,
26:50I don't care
26:50what any of
26:51these detractors
26:52have to say.
26:53If I was
26:54shipwrecked on
26:54a desert island
26:55and I could
26:56pick one man
26:57to have as
26:57my companion,
26:58I'd pick you.
27:00On a desert
27:01island, you
27:02need a man
27:04Friday.
27:04Friday.
27:21Everybody
27:22talks about you.
27:26Everybody wants
27:26to see me do
27:27something to you.
27:28Right?
27:28I don't want
27:32the lawyers
27:32to sue me.
27:33I don't want
27:33the TV company
27:34to sue me,
27:34but I've been
27:35waiting.
27:35You always
27:36said,
27:36Muhammad,
27:37you're not
27:37the same man
27:38you was years
27:39ago.
27:39Show the people
27:40now,
27:41show the
27:41American
27:41public,
27:42you're not
27:42the same
27:43you wasn't
27:43two years
27:44ago.
27:46You want to
27:47know the truth?
27:48I found him
27:49when he was a
27:50little black kid
27:50in Louisville
27:51stealing bikes.
27:52I made him
27:53what he is.
27:53That's it.
28:01No fighter
28:02practices more
28:04and harder
28:05than our
28:05honored guest.
28:07We have with us
28:08tonight the person
28:09who helps hone
28:10this great
28:11fighting machine
28:12to a keen
28:13edge.
28:14Ladies and
28:14gentlemen,
28:15Muhammad Ali's
28:17sparring partner,
28:18K.O.
28:19Kelly.
28:22You're K.O.
28:35Kelly?
28:36No!
28:39I'm his
28:40girlfriend!
28:43Oh,
28:44I'm on to you,
28:45you boozer!
28:46I wasn't
28:47born yesterday!
28:49I know,
28:49you couldn't
28:50get that ugly
28:51in 24 hours.
28:52I didn't
29:00just hold
29:01it down,
29:02everybody!
29:03I didn't
29:04come here
29:04to banter
29:05with this
29:06barfly.
29:07Just sit
29:07down,
29:08it might
29:08do a business.
29:14There's
29:15something I
29:16want to say
29:16to this
29:17bronze
29:17bullion.
29:19Listen,
29:20jive
29:20turkey.
29:22The man
29:24ruined my
29:25life.
29:26Every time
29:26my boyfriend
29:27comes over
29:28after boxing
29:28with him,
29:29he's so
29:30tired doing
29:30the shuffle
29:31with Ali,
29:32he can't do
29:33the hustle
29:34with me.
29:37He starts
29:38out in the
29:39morning skipping
29:40rope and then
29:40at night he
29:41skips me.
29:41I'll never
29:46forget when
29:47I first
29:48met
29:48K.O.
29:48Kelly.
29:49He was
29:50fighting
29:50three-rounders
29:51in the
29:52preliminaries,
29:53but we took
29:53one look at
29:54each other
29:54and decided
29:55to skip
29:56the preliminaries.
29:57and it was
30:01wonderful until
30:03he became
30:03Ali's sparring
30:04partner,
30:05then workouts
30:06all the time,
30:07day and
30:07night,
30:08night and
30:08day,
30:09even then in
30:09the backseat
30:10of the Jeep
30:10he never laid
30:11a glove on
30:12me.
30:13Ali always
30:14made fun of
30:15my boyfriend.
30:16Just because
30:17his hair is
30:17turning gray
30:18doesn't mean
30:19you have to
30:19call him
30:20Whitey.
30:20I just
30:25beg him to
30:26quit.
30:26I talk and
30:27I talk and
30:28I talk until
30:29I'm black in
30:29the face.
30:30But you
30:31wouldn't know
30:31what that
30:31means.
30:37You know,
30:37before I sit
30:38down,
30:39I gotta say
30:39one thing.
30:40It's all
30:41your fault.
30:42And if you
30:43wanna make
30:44something of
30:44it,
30:45I want you
30:45to meet me
30:46out in the
30:46parking lot
30:47and we'll
30:47have an
30:48old man-to-man.
30:50I want you
31:15to meet
31:50That was the family of Ruth Buzzi.
32:20Ladies and gentlemen, one of Hollywood's truly great talents, actor, dancer, singer, director, superstar, Mr. Gene Kelly.
32:36Thank you, Gene. Your reproduction to me was very nice. It may not have been hilarious, but at least you knew who I was.
32:48Ali, you're truly a magnificent fighter. And I can say this because I've seen some of the great ones.
32:57The unforgettable Joe Louis-Billy Kahn fight. The knock-down, drag-em-out Rocky Graziano-Tony Zale fight.
33:03And probably the bloodiest of them all. The classic battle between Sonny and Cher.
33:10I suppose the reason that fighters in general, and you in particular, have always appealed to me is because in every great fighter, I visualize a dancing master.
33:25With Tony Galento, it was the beer barrel polka. With you, it's the alley shuffle.
33:33And anyone who's ever paid a hundred dollars to see you fight knows you're great at the hustle.
33:38As much as I respect you as a fighter, I respect you more as a human being.
33:48Because I'll never forget the time when you held that press conference in Beverly Hills.
33:53And I brought my two children, Bridget and Tim, down there because they wanted to meet you.
33:58And although a lot of reporters were bombarding you and surrounding you and asking you questions,
34:05you stopped everything and held a private, little quiet session with my two kids.
34:11And neither I nor my children will ever forget your warmth and your tenorness.
34:16Now, ladies and gentlemen, the stars of the Jeffersons, Sherman Hensley and Isabel Sanford.
34:40Let's see.
34:46Thank you, Dean.
34:56Oh, that's all right.
34:59Hey, hold on.
35:00If anybody's going to thank Dean Martin, I'll do it.
35:02Oh, all right.
35:03Go ahead.
35:03But who wants to thank that turkey?
35:08Sir, you Muhammad Ali, huh?
35:15You look like that must be me.
35:16You look like nothing to me, Chuck.
35:19You want to step out in the alley, alley?
35:26Too bad you're not more like Muhammad Ali.
35:29Look at him.
35:30Tall, handsome, and he has the manners of a gentleman.
35:34Big deal.
35:35It so happens that I have the manners of a gentleman.
35:37Really?
35:38What gentlemen do they belong to?
35:39No, my son is once and for all, stand up to him.
35:48Stand up, Chuck.
35:55What's he going to do?
35:58You know you lucky I can't stand a sight of blood.
36:02Especially your own blood.
36:03You have to own for real.
36:08No, I'm for real too.
36:09No, I'm for real too.
36:09No, I'm for real too.
36:09Ladies and gentlemen, at 170 pounds and still a champ, and boy, I love this man.
36:38And he's Italian, too.
36:41Lucky, where's the other?
36:43We've got so much in common, Muhammad.
36:54I read a book.
36:56You read a book.
36:57Of course, my book was wrote before yours.
37:07My book was called Somebody Up There Likes Me.
37:10They made a movie from it with Paul Newman.
37:13I could have done the part, you know, but I wanted to give that book, Paul Newman, a break.
37:22It's real literature.
37:24To me, when they list the literary men who wake on the paper, your name will be there with all the other great literaries.
37:32That's right, you know, champ.
37:49Rocky, you were beautiful.
37:52But the book wasn't rotten.
37:54And it was rotten.
38:03Just tonight is the trainer and bodybuilding genius who made the champ what he is today.
38:12Let's give a warm welcome to Foster Brooks.
38:16It's amazing.
38:30He's a fighter and you have the alcohol rum.
38:33The first thing I did to build up Muhammad, Muhammad, Muhammad, Muhammad, Muhammad.
38:46You know, it's this brown clown here.
38:53The first thing I did was to change Muhammad's diet.
38:56He was eating collard greens.
39:05But that's what collard folks eat.
39:12I filled his plum little body with wheat germ.
39:17And when I ran out of wheat germ, I gave him diseased wheat.
39:21After I built his body, I had to eat, I had, I had to teach him the famous Ali shuffle.
39:34How to, how to move around the ring.
39:36How to dance.
39:36You know these people, they haven't any rhythm.
39:38Before I changed the champion to a super great, to a super, super fighter yesterday, he, he was, he was a different man.
39:53He was young, inexperienced, a 97 pound weekly and, oh yes, one other thing.
40:01He, he was white.
40:02When I, when I change the man, I go all the, all the way, all, all the way.
40:11Our next guest is the brilliant Orson Welles.
40:34Who will ever forget that scary radio show he did?
40:37It, it, it, it drove thousands of people into the streets screaming.
40:42The last time I heard such screaming was the night Howard Cosell walked into the casino of the MGM Grand without his hairpiece.
40:59I thought I was getting laughs.
41:01These two guys are getting them.
41:02He's my good pal and a genius.
41:07And when I say a genius, I mean, I mean a genius.
41:14If there ever was one.
41:18Mr. Orson Welles.
41:19I'm most grateful for that very eloquent and laudatory introduction.
41:35It's just a pity you're not here to enjoy it.
41:40On this solemn occasion for just this once, there's no real chance for Muhammad Ali to blow his own horn.
41:48And therefore, since he can't be the honker, I will be the honky.
41:57And the one did not come here to bury this sepia season, but to praise him.
42:07On the other hand, every time he opens his mouth, he buries himself.
42:10So, Muhammad Ali, the author, seriously, the versifier, the poet that I'd like to speak.
42:17And I'm sure that Dean is vitally interested in that aspect of Muhammad's versatility.
42:22Aren't you, Dean?
42:29Don't fade innocence of the poetic art, Dean.
42:32For once tonight, drop your facade.
42:34On all these people?
42:43If you drop your facade, I'll have it.
42:48Not on the family hour.
42:49No.
42:49No, not surely, surely, Dean.
42:51You're stirred by the names of Shelley, Keats, and Byron.
42:55Well, do the name Ruby Begunia ring a bell?
43:01Yeah.
43:03Never mind.
43:04I didn't come here to talk sense with you.
43:07Nor have I come to discuss the literary quality of the poetry written by this colorful creator of cacophonous couplets.
43:15Amazing, those KKK sounds turned Nipsey Russell two shades whiter.
43:33Mr. Nipsey Russell.
43:35They've all told you in rhyme how he wins every time he's the greatest to ever take the cup.
43:52Well, if he can float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, why can't he imitate a clam and shut up?
43:58We are roasting tonight the most illustrious, the most magnificent superhuman on the planet Earth.
44:11He is really a big man in every respect.
44:14Big reputation and big in size.
44:16If you wanted to appreciate our big years, we were in the casino.
44:20There was a little white fellow there gambling.
44:22He had 21 and was scared to say blackjack.
44:24The dealer said, what you got?
44:30He said, gin.
44:36But he's a peaceful man.
44:37I just hope you won't turn around and hit Howard Cosell.
44:40He's ugly enough already.
44:45I guess I don't have to tell you how beautiful he is.
44:48But I can tell you he was backstage with the looking glass in his hand.
44:51And he said, mirror, mirror, in my hand, who is the fairest in this land?
44:56Cosell leaned over and said, it's still Snow White.
44:59Baby, don't you forget it.
45:08We're too fuzzy.
45:10Baby, you can get rich.
45:12If you find the doctor that delivered you, I guarantee you got a great malpractice case.
45:17She said, Mr. Ali, when I'm near you, I just get so flustered and so bothered.
45:29He said, you may be flustered, baby, but you won't be bothered.
45:35Tony Orlando, we heard your jokes.
45:38And we've heard you sing.
45:39And we're going to tie that yellow ribbon around your mouth.
45:41Freddie friends.
45:47They look alike.
45:48Freddie and Tony.
45:50I guess they all look alike, too, don't they?
45:59Freddie not only looks great in his tuxedo, but on the way to the desk tonight, he made $15 in tips waiting on the table.
46:05On his wedding night here, he got married over at Caesar's Palace.
46:10He asked to see the Puerto Rican bridal suite, and they led him to the kitchen.
46:15Freddie was mad, but he didn't push the guy.
46:17Because, you see, Puerto Ricans don't like to fight just one man.
46:22See, when you fight one man, you can only cut one way.
46:26They like to fight in a group where everywhere you throw your blades, you get somebody.
46:29That's all right, Freddie.
46:35The Mexicans don't want you, but we'll take you.
46:38Ain't going to speck between a spick and a spook.
46:40You know that.
46:47When I heard the title of Gabe Kaplan's show, Come Back Carter, I thought it was about a convict.
46:52You see, where I live, when we tell a guy, welcome back, there's only one place he's been.
46:59They say he's a Jew, but with that Afro hairdo, there's a watermelon in your future somewhere.
47:08Howard Cosell did one thing that has made all black people happy.
47:15He was born white.
47:16But we are talking tonight about, I guess, the most agile technician in the pugilistic history.
47:32Hail to thee, Muhammad Ali.
47:35You're a universal star.
47:38Muhammad means enlightened leader.
47:41And that's exactly what you are.
47:42Now it's time for the KO punch.
48:00Here's our man of the hour, the heavyweight champion of the world, ladies and gentlemen,
48:07Mr. Muhammad Ali.
48:09Some comedians up here, I've heard of guys throwing fights.
48:34I'm sure you all have heard about guys that throw fights.
48:38But this is the first time that I've seen anybody throw a roast.
48:44And Isabelle Sanford.
48:56And Sherman Hemsley.
49:00When you were scrabbling and scrambling, you were almost as bad as white folks.
49:04And Claude Patterson.
49:10You know, when I fought you, man, I almost put you to sleep.
49:14And with that stuff you're talking tonight, you almost put me to sleep.
49:19And you are intelligent.
49:21You two fighters are intelligent.
49:23Most boxers couldn't even read what y'all read.
49:25I watched y'all read it.
49:26No kidding.
49:31You get George Foreman or Joe Frazier kept nothing up here.
49:34You go, I can't tell you.
49:37You're great.
49:43You are really great.
49:45I mean, you come here.
49:46You come here high and you still can make it look good.
49:48It don't seem like a man would have a big television show like this and such a world figure, nice looking.
49:58And he don't care nothing about these shows.
50:00He don't care about the strips.
50:02He came in and they had it, you know.
50:06How are you feeling?
50:07What's up, fine?
50:08Uh, got your thing down?
50:09See ya.
50:10All right, I'm going.
50:12Hey, George.
50:14See, he's serious.
50:15He's serious.
50:18Well, everybody's got some type of talent, Cosell.
50:22We've made it either being great or good looks, personality or connections or some type of influence.
50:28But you are living proof that you don't need nothing to make it.
50:48All right.
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