- 5 minutes ago
First broadcast 25th February 1993.
Arthur buys a job lot of satellite dishes with instructions in German, so he enlists the aid of ex-television repair man Logie to fit them.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Pete Postlethwaite - Logie
Philip Locke - Fingers Rossetti
Liza Walker - Isabella
Kevin Dignam - Steve
Simon Molloy - House Owner
Andrew Andreas - Waiter
Arthur buys a job lot of satellite dishes with instructions in German, so he enlists the aid of ex-television repair man Logie to fit them.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Pete Postlethwaite - Logie
Philip Locke - Fingers Rossetti
Liza Walker - Isabella
Kevin Dignam - Steve
Simon Molloy - House Owner
Andrew Andreas - Waiter
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01I can't think why I've never seen it before.
00:03It's been staring me in the face.
00:04What is that?
00:06Arthur, there's nothing there.
00:08To the uninitiated, Ray, but to a man of vision,
00:11that vista is the great unmilked.
00:18For once the Luftwaffe packed up and went home,
00:20the skies of North London have ceased to interest most people,
00:22which is precisely why it has been chronically underdeveloped.
00:26But the winds of change are blowing, Ray.
00:28In next to no time, the wide blue yonder will be chocker.
00:31What with?
00:32Satellite TV signals.
00:34Even as we speak, pictures of the rich and famous
00:37are being zapped from one side of the world to the other,
00:39above our very heads.
00:40Yeah, but, Arthur, why are you telling me this?
00:43Oh, dear Raymond, I often wonder whether the daily blood
00:45really is coursing through your veins.
00:47We are standing on the threshold of a new era.
00:50And if there is one thing an entrepreneur likes,
00:53it's standing on a threshold,
00:55because it means new opportunities.
00:57Yes, they're not the celebrity cigarette card's idea, is it?
01:00The renaissance of that concept is long overdue,
01:02but in this occasion, no.
01:04Now, Ray, think.
01:05All these signals being sent from one side of the world to the other,
01:09what do they have in common?
01:10I don't know.
01:11Cut finding with 30 different languages?
01:12They all require a piece of equipment
01:15to make sense of all those stratospherics.
01:17A receiver?
01:18Known in the trade as a dish, a satellite dish.
01:21The Euler Hoop of the 90s.
01:22They're all going to want one.
01:24And Daily Enterprises is going to supply them.
01:28You see, Dave, it's all been deregulated.
01:31Anyone with a camera and enough space in their front room
01:33to bung up a weather chart can start pumping out round-the-clock telly.
01:36Yeah, but I heard all they showed was cookery programmes
01:39and repeats to the Virginian.
01:40Popular, nevertheless.
01:41And the sale of these dishes is going through the roof.
01:44You see, people want an alternative to Dickie Davis and the ITV7.
01:48Really?
01:49It's a mistake, Arthur.
01:51You read it?
01:52There's too many things we don't know about.
01:53Look, Gunther has his finger on the pulse,
01:55and I've given the points he made my full attention.
01:58And he is quite right.
01:59A timely opportunity at a crazy price.
02:02Stupid price is what he says.
02:04No, he's grasped a little oatmealism, Ray.
02:06I mean, it's obvious what he means.
02:07I thought you weren't talking to Gunther,
02:09but Arthur instant with the metal detectors.
02:10A genuine error.
02:12That's the only thing they detected was anti-personnel mines.
02:14Well, you can't be too careful, Ray.
02:16Even in this green and pleasant land.
02:18Well, that's the trouble with Gunther.
02:19We never know who's supplying him.
02:20He's too far away to keep an eye on.
02:22On this one, I can enlighten you.
02:25As you know, there is a new spirit of openness
02:27in Gunther's neck of the woods.
02:28With the result, they find themselves
02:29with a surplus of radio and electronic gear.
02:32Spy stuff.
02:33Oh, he didn't go into details.
02:35But the point is, he cannot offload it locally,
02:37because he cannot convince the populace
02:39they will not pick up anything more sinister
02:41than World Aerobics Championships.
02:43Hence the offer to us.
02:45Which we will be foolish to overlook.
02:47How you gonna fit them, then, Arthur?
02:49With a screwdriver, Dave.
02:51And anything else the instructions suggest?
02:53It's just a glorified TV aerial.
02:56How hard can it be, Ray?
03:05Right, smell that.
03:07Cool.
03:08Haven't you got that sorted yet?
03:10No.
03:10Your dad says he'll bring your Meccano stuff around later.
03:13He reckons it's in the loft.
03:14You sure you need it?
03:15You're supposed to have special tools
03:17for a job like this, Arthur.
03:18Ah, Gunther says a positive driver
03:19and a modicum of common sense
03:20should have it done in no time.
03:22Yeah, did he mention anything
03:23about being fluent in German
03:24if you're gonna stand a chance
03:25with these instructions?
03:26By the way,
03:27I'll put the receipt for this dictionary
03:28in the expenses box.
03:30Dictionary?
03:30Well, I'm sorry, Raymond.
03:31That's gotta come out of your pocket.
03:33Gunther was under the impression, as I was,
03:35that you was a linguist.
03:36You got certificates.
03:37Yeah, French, Arthur, not German.
03:39They are virtually next door to one another.
03:41Yeah, I tried giving Gunther a ring
03:42to see if he could help me out
03:43with this technical stuff.
03:44Guess what?
03:45He's out of the country.
03:47He must be shifting those dishes
03:48all over the world.
03:49I knew we'd bolt at the right time.
03:53Is that the right way up?
03:54Well, it's hard to tell.
03:55Well, look at the pictures, Ray.
03:57Universal language.
04:01You got them pinned up somewhere?
04:02Well, that's it, Arthur.
04:0432 different stages,
04:05all in small print and no pictures.
04:08I mentioned the little magic box
04:09that makes it all work.
04:11God knows how we fit this.
04:12What is it?
04:13Well, it unscrambles the signal
04:14from the dish.
04:15I thought you just bolted this
04:16to the wall and plugged in a telly.
04:18I don't think so, Arthur.
04:21You mustn't blame yourself, Ray.
04:23I'd like to give you a chance,
04:24but there are bound to be
04:25some tasks which are beyond you.
04:27On these occasions,
04:28it is necessary to call in the elite.
04:34Who?
04:34Eric Lawson.
04:36Better known to his acquaintances
04:37as Logie Lawson.
04:38Never heard of him.
04:39No, he's a thoroughbred, Ray.
04:41The Bobby Charlton of the electrical circuit.
04:43So how's your name?
04:44Well, like every genius,
04:46he has his dark side.
04:47In his case, he was Psycho Pete's wire man.
04:50Psycho Pete?
04:51Didn't he get a 20 stretch
04:52a few years back
04:53for that bungled bank job?
04:55He and Logie haven't spoken since.
04:57There was talk of professional malpractice.
05:00You're certain you'll be able
05:01to deal with these satellite systems.
05:03It's all new technology, Arthur.
05:04Ray, to see Logie
05:05with a screwdriver in his hand
05:06sends a shiver up your spine.
05:08In the electrical field,
05:10Logie, audio or visual,
05:12he's a colossus.
05:24A man ahead of his time.
05:28The incredible thing is, Ray,
05:30that Logie is completely self-taught.
05:44He must be out the back, Ray.
05:45Can you give him a bell?
05:49Oh!
05:52Arthur, I saw you come in on the video,
05:53but I didn't have time to stop you before you...
05:56Not to worry.
05:57I don't know what's wrong with it.
05:59I had to get the St John's Ambulance round last week.
06:01They were Jehovah's Witness.
06:02I would have offered him a glass of water,
06:04but you can't be too careful with electricity.
06:06No problem, Logie.
06:07My boy Ray took the shock.
06:08Hard as nails.
06:09That's never Bert's lad.
06:11Yeah, pleased to meet you.
06:12Cool.
06:13Last time I saw you,
06:14you was this big.
06:15Christmas party, 1971,
06:17Wilsden drill hall.
06:18Your Uncle Arthur was Santa,
06:19and your dad...
06:20What was his dad, Arthur?
06:21Logie, can we have a word?
06:22It's rather urgent.
06:23Of course, Arthur.
06:24You know me.
06:24Never like to waste time.
06:25Come in.
06:27Careful of that gramophone flex on your way through.
06:29It's a bit loose.
06:34I had to pack in the freelance work in the end.
06:37Eyesight.
06:38I can still manage favourable conditions.
06:40What's favourable?
06:42Well, it's more what isn't.
06:43I don't know whether your Uncle Arthur mentioned Ray,
06:45but there were times in the past
06:47when I had cause to operate by torchlight
06:49to a very tight schedule.
06:50I couldn't manage that now.
06:52I remember one time...
06:53Uh, you're all right for the nine till five,
06:55Werber?
06:55Oh, yeah.
06:56Especially now I've got time on my hands.
06:58I sold a business, Arthur.
07:00What, the TVs and the aerials?
07:01I heard it was doing a roaring trade.
07:03Yeah, well, it was, but...
07:04Well, being in business, Arthur...
07:06I mean, I'm not like you.
07:08I couldn't cope with the...
07:09Well, I need my feet firmly on the ground.
07:11The cut and thrust of self-employment
07:13is not for the faint-hearted, Logie.
07:15But the job I'm offering you now,
07:17you get on with the work,
07:18leave me to do the worrying.
07:19It's the way I like it, Arthur.
07:21I couldn't agree with you more.
07:22But the thing is, you see,
07:23the real money is not in the selling of these things,
07:26but the installation.
07:28And that is where we've hit a slight snack.
07:29Well, if you know the basics, Arthur,
07:31the instructions are usually pretty straightforward.
07:33They're in German.
07:34Well, obviously that would throw up a bit of a smoke screen,
07:37but I can't see how it's insurmountable.
07:40I mean, the ground rules never change.
07:41From the crystal set to the satellite dish,
07:43it's the same principle.
07:44Well, did you fit your own?
07:46Co-op, actually.
07:48I had too much to have a work on.
07:49Get ready to be busy again, Logie.
07:51Already got two customers,
07:52and the list is rising.
07:54Young Ray will be helping me out.
07:55I'm working, if unskilled.
07:57Only I'm not as young.
07:58Ring rusty, that's all it is, Logie.
08:00A couple of hours,
08:01you'll be bunging those dishes up on the roof like a good'un.
08:05What do you think?
08:08Very nice, Arthur.
08:09Where'd you get them?
08:10Land army.
08:11I bought two dozen.
08:12VE day clearance sale.
08:14I knew they'd come in handy.
08:15I got Vinnie Goldman to sort out the lettering.
08:18Hey, Ray and Logie got their names on theirs.
08:21I love you.
08:22Yeah, aren't they a bit short for blokes?
08:25No, they're not built for comfort, Dave.
08:26I mean, they're meant to protect the threads
08:28and create a corporate image.
08:29And I mean, they'll be bending over a lot,
08:31so there'll be plenty of room.
08:33I see.
08:34Well, how's the order book going?
08:35Oh, filling up nicely.
08:36And when word of mouth gets out about the sort of service we offer,
08:39we'll be rushed off our feet.
08:40Yeah.
08:41Another VAT, please, Dave.
08:42Coming up.
08:42You ever thought of having one in here?
08:45Satellite dish.
08:46Yeah.
08:46Poor the punters.
08:48The sport's very popular.
08:49Then there's the films.
08:50Be like the Rialto here on a Friday night.
08:53Well, we've got to consider the cost, Arthur.
08:57I mean, for a start, we need one of them big screens.
08:59Dave, the cost is prohibitive to the man in the street,
09:03but you will be dealing trade.
09:06I mean, can you imagine what you'd do here,
09:08over at a bar, hot summer's night,
09:10with six square feet of bow derrick slapped against the wall?
09:13And those pipe wouldn't satisfy them.
09:16What, er...
09:17What kind of figure should you talk, you know?
09:34It won't go any tighter, and it's still wobbling.
09:36That's all right.
09:37It's not going anywhere.
09:38There's a couple of wires free and all.
09:40They're probably spares.
09:41You can get down there.
09:53These outfits are saying something about the company.
09:55I think we're in big trouble.
09:57No, Arthur's right, Ray.
09:58Image.
09:59Very important.
10:00I mean, you might be the best in the world,
10:01but if you look amateur...
10:03Yeah, but I think that's the point I'm trying to make.
10:04Always been a big concern with Arthur, Ray, Image.
10:07Yeah, shouldn't you get up there and line it up?
10:09We've got a couple more calls to make.
10:11Absolutely.
10:12Must crack on.
10:18That all looks fine to me.
10:20You sure?
10:21Yeah, well, you've been in the game as long as I have, Ray.
10:23You can tell straight away when something's spot on.
10:25I remember this time over in Hiltum.
10:27Logan, it's pointing straight to that house.
10:30Fair enough.
10:31Thoroughness.
10:32I like that, Ray.
10:35Up you go.
10:36Well, me, no.
10:37You're the technical old Supremo.
10:38There's no point me shooting up there
10:40and fixing it in the blink of an eye, is there?
10:42Well, it sounds great to me.
10:43How are you going to learn your trade, Ray?
10:45Think about that.
10:47Go on.
10:47Up you go.
10:54All right.
10:55All right.
10:56We've come in.
10:58Daily into space.
10:59Good afternoon.
11:00Oh, hello, Malcolm.
11:01Taking a break from the cricket?
11:03Or is there a particularly good film one at this time of the day?
11:06The Virginian?
11:07Oh, what's that like?
11:09What do you mean, you haven't had it?
11:11Look, Ray rang in half an hour ago to say he was just starting on yours.
11:16Boy, stick your head out the window.
11:18Oh, all right.
11:18All right.
11:19All right.
11:19Leave it with me.
11:21There's no need for that.
11:22Bit more.
11:23Bit more.
11:25That's it.
11:26That's west.
11:27West?
11:27I thought you had to narrow it down more than that.
11:29No, they're very powerful, these dishes, Ray.
11:31You point it west for stuff from the States and east for anything else.
11:41Bit of a face of that, Ray.
11:43No valves in it.
11:44I thought it was light.
11:45What are you doing here?
11:46Oh, good afternoon, Arthur.
11:47Just tidying up.
11:48Ray, what's going on?
11:49Oh, the bright lad there.
11:50There's no one in, Arthur.
11:51You wouldn't think he was Berts.
11:52I'd love to chat, Logie, but I think we've got a slight problem here.
11:55Oh, yeah.
11:55Where management starts, the buck stops, eh?
11:57What's the matter, Arthur?
11:58That's what I could never get used to.
11:59Ray, I want to know what you're doing here.
12:00You can see.
12:01But you're supposed to be at Malcolm's.
12:03We are.
12:03You most certainly are not.
12:04He lives in the next street.
12:09It's quite funny, Arthur.
12:10You'll never guess what's happening.
12:11Take it down, for God's sake.
12:13Go on and hurry.
12:14Come on.
12:19Well, you put it up there and I'll take it down.
12:21No, it won't, bud.
12:23I wondered why he wasn't at home.
12:24For us to give him his little magic books.
12:26Whack it with the hammer.
12:27Arthur, this is a very delicate piece of equipment.
12:30Well, whack it gently.
12:32No, it ain't gonna move.
12:33I reckon we've used our own bolts, you know.
12:35Why, didn't you check?
12:38Ask Logie.
12:39Well, the colour's matched, Arthur.
12:41Remember that job in acting?
12:42Logie!
12:47You can't leave it, Arthur.
12:48It's valuable.
12:49So is the front of that bloke's house.
12:50You told me to hit it.
12:51I didn't tell it to assault it.
12:53I could feel the vibration through my shoes.
12:55What a disaster.
12:57Maybe if we got an oxyacetylene cutter.
13:04What's that?
13:06What?
13:06There.
13:07On the front of my house.
13:10Where?
13:11That thing.
13:12That shape.
13:13Good God, you can hardly miss it.
13:14Holy satellite dish.
13:17Amazing the way they blend in.
13:18I don't believe it.
13:20Modern technology.
13:21We get a bit blasey about it, dealing with it every day.
13:23This is an outrage.
13:24I didn't order it.
13:26I assume you're in charge.
13:29I want that dish removing immediately.
13:32And I want compensation for any damage to the shell of my house.
13:35Oh no, that's not possible.
13:36Why?
13:37Well, you see, it's a free trial.
13:39You get it for a week, and then we take it down.
13:41I don't want it for a week.
13:42Well, those were the terms when you entered a competition.
13:44What competition?
13:45I never entered a competition.
13:47Ah, you can't rip the top off the cornflakes packet, bung it in a post without reading a small print.
13:51We'll be back next week.
13:52Hopefully, our other lucky recipients will be a little more gracious than you.
13:55Good day.
14:11Ray, no man likes admitting he's made a mistake.
14:13In the words of Columbus, I think I might be slightly off course.
14:16When I said we should have looked into things a little bit more before we got up and running.
14:19No, no, there's nothing wrong with the venture or the equipment.
14:22It's my chief technician who's hell bent on putting the spanner in the works.
14:26He spent four hours installing that gear in the winchester and it still don't work.
14:29Yeah, but I checked the dish last night.
14:31No, it's not that.
14:31Logie says it's a decoder.
14:33Every time Dave turns on the pump for half a lager, the channels switch over.
14:37He's just out of practice, that's all.
14:39Like you said, he needs a bit more time to get back in the swing.
14:42Time is something we do not have, Ray.
14:44The present demand is but the first trickle in a potential deluge.
14:48And when the floodgates open, we'll want to be able to rise to the occasion without blacking out half a
14:52London.
14:52Well, at least the work's there, Arthur. I had another phone call this morning.
14:55Well, if it's that bloke from Kilburn, I hope you told him his name was first out the app and
14:58he gets to keep the dish.
14:59That was a new customer. Very tasty, too. A Franco Rossetti.
15:04Rossetti?
15:05Yeah, it seems like the import-export line's done very nicely for him.
15:08He said he might be interested in a big screen job.
15:11Fingers, Rossetti.
15:12Yeah, if that's what they call him. Lives out west. Massive house, near the park.
15:16I trust you informed him our order book is completely full.
15:18Well, of course I did. I said everything like you've told me.
15:21I gave him the big spiel about how busy we are. I said we'd see if we could fit him
15:24in.
15:27Then, I rang him back after about half an hour, said there'd been a cancellation.
15:30I raced to go around to see him this afternoon.
15:32Oh, Ray.
15:34What's the problem?
15:35Fingers, Rossetti. You do not do business with a man like that.
15:38Yeah, but he said you'd done a job for him in the past.
15:411970-something. That's why he come to you for the dish.
15:43You ask her indoors. I didn't sleep a wink all the time that was going on.
15:46He's got the most terrible temper. If you knew...
15:48I do know, Arthur.
15:49You what?
15:50Well, me and his kid went to school together for about four years.
15:53Yeah, I can remember going round the house.
15:55Rossetti may be alright with children, but once you're out of short trousers, you're fair game.
15:58Well, you seem nice as pie on a phone.
16:00No, no, no. You have to ring him up, say it's all a mistake. We can't possibly do it.
16:03I've promised, Arthur. And he ain't gonna be too chuffed if we don't turn up now, is he?
16:07Come on.
16:11You had no right to commit us without my say-so.
16:13I was following orders, Arthur.
16:15Good. How many times have the great horrors of history been accompanied by them words?
16:19I think you're misjudging him.
16:21How do you think he got the nickname Fingers?
16:24I don't know. I've never heard of it before.
16:26Yeah, was he a bit nifty at lifting stuff?
16:28Only the fingers themselves.
16:30He's reckoned to have one of the finest collections in Europe.
16:33Come on, I don't believe it.
16:35You do not let Rossetti down, Ray.
16:37Not if you want to play subutio again.
16:39Arthur, you haven't seen him for years.
16:41I mean, bringing up the girls will have mellowed him.
16:43Girls?
16:43Yeah. Sofia rettons Isabella and her have put years on the old man.
16:47Who's Sofia?
16:48The kid I went to school with.
16:49Stop the car!
16:53I might have known.
16:54To think you would expose us to danger for the sake of your meandering eye.
16:57It's not like that, Arthur.
16:59I mean, Sofia's married and Isabella, well, God knows, last time I saw her, she had pigtails and buck tea.
17:03Whenever you're keen to do a job, there's always a skirt involved.
17:06Never mind the risks to anyone else.
17:11But this is crazy, I'm not after anybody.
17:13You're imagining things.
17:15Just like you're imagining that Rosette is some kind of psycho.
17:24Lock the doors.
17:28What are you doing, Ray?
17:30I know you.
17:31Go on.
17:32Get out.
17:33Before I do something, I'll wait back.
17:35And don't come back again.
17:37Ever!
17:44Ray.
17:46You've grown big.
17:48Arthur, long time no see.
17:50Mr. Rossetti.
17:50Come on in.
17:55What's the matter, Arthur?
17:56Don't you want to do the job?
17:58Come on, chop chop.
18:02Well, he hasn't changed a bit.
18:03That's what I'm afraid of.
18:04Physically?
18:05Come on, Arthur, he was pleased to see you.
18:07You saw that impromptu display of flower arranging?
18:09He reckons that car you sold him never let him down once,
18:12so you've got nothing to worry about.
18:14Even if he does blaze top now and again,
18:16you said yourself,
18:16it's only the people that don't come up with the goods
18:18that get him going.
18:19Ray, you have agreed to sell a dish to this man,
18:22knowing that we are the satellite installation
18:24what Norway was to the Eurovision song contest.
18:27Worrying is very much the order of the day.
18:32Ray.
18:34Isabella.
18:35All right.
18:38Look at you, you've grown up.
18:40How do you do, miss?
18:41I'm Ray's uncle.
18:42Pleased to meet you.
18:44Ray, I need to talk to you.
18:45I've got a bit of a problem.
18:48What are you doing?
18:49Just saying hello to Ray.
18:51We're very busy.
18:52Thought I'd better before you chuck him out.
18:54Isabella.
18:55He's male, under 65.
18:57You've proved you in the mood once already today.
18:59I don't want to argue about that.
19:01Why not?
19:01It's what you do best.
19:02Isabella, please, go to your room.
19:04Papa, you're not going to stop me doing what I want to do.
19:06Not now, not ever.
19:09See you, Ray.
19:12See you.
19:13Drive your man, Arthur.
19:16But they have to be protected, especially against themselves.
19:19Ah, yes, yes.
19:20But a firm parental hand at a crucial moment is always very effective.
19:25I have the wiring plans here.
19:26That shall be all you need.
19:28Er, there is just a question of price.
19:30Of course, Arthur.
19:31What have you in mind?
19:32Oh, very expensive.
19:33You can't be more accurate than that.
19:36Well, the point I'm trying to make is we may not be the most competitive outfit for the job.
19:40I don't understand.
19:41Well, it's a very big installation and we're a very small firm.
19:45You might want to get someone else to put in the quote.
19:47I'm fairly certain they could undercut our price.
19:49You're too honest for your own good, Arthur.
19:51Don't worry how much it costs.
19:52I owe you a favour.
19:54Just do me a good job, eh?
19:55That's the only kind we do, Mr Rossetti.
19:57Benny.
19:58Arthur.
20:00Buck teeth and pigtails.
20:01I saw the way he was looking at her.
20:03Short of licking your lips, you couldn't have made it more obvious.
20:05She's just a friend, Arthur.
20:06Can't you understand?
20:07I've known her since she was nine.
20:08I know what you mean by friend, Raymond.
20:10And it tends to involve a dropping off of your interest in football
20:12and a glazed expression in the eyes.
20:14I put germline on the girl's knees, Arthur.
20:16I don't think of her that way.
20:17Raymond, we have enough on our plate.
20:19Don't try it on with Rossetti's daughter.
20:20I don't care how it looks, Arthur.
20:22I'm not trying anything on.
20:23Well, you should care how it looks.
20:24If Fingers gets the wrong impression...
20:26Oh, God, they reckon that's what happened to Billy Andrews.
20:29Fingers thought Billy had the odds for Mrs Rossetti and...
20:32Well, the rest is history.
20:33I heard Billy moved to South America.
20:36Not all of him.
20:37And thanks to your gung-ho attitude on the blower this morning,
20:40we are in up to our necks with Rossetti.
20:42Unless you want to wake up in your bed next to the top half of Shergar,
20:46you'll keep your hands to yourself.
21:06It's like a church in here.
21:08Oh, Logie's trying to sort the sound out now.
21:11He's checking the beer barrels.
21:15Arthur, I did expect the system to drum up a bit of custom.
21:19It's people getting used to a new concept.
21:22Once they start relaxing, they'll be knocking it back.
21:26Pete Hughes was in last night for the boxing.
21:28Tips out, Pete.
21:29What'd I tell you?
21:30He had half a lager.
21:32All right.
21:33Did you check he was still breathing?
21:35Well, he said he was too wrapped up on what was happening on the screen.
21:39Oh, that's the lack of sound, Dave.
21:42Once that is sorted, you'll have a completely different ambience in here.
21:47Whitewater rafting champions call this event their mecca.
21:49Here in the Rocky Mountains, the young men of a...
21:52Oh!
21:55Perhaps we'd better be a bit more selective about what we let them watch.
21:58Tell Logie to come over the lock-up when he's finished here.
22:01Ray's sorting out the stuff for Rosetti.
22:03I don't want any mistakes.
22:08Sorry.
22:13Oh!
22:15Thanks for coming, Ray.
22:16You sounded terrible on the phone.
22:18I've got no-one to talk to.
22:19I can't stay long.
22:20I'm supposed to be checking all that gear we're taking over your dad's.
22:23I need your help.
22:24I can offer you anything except hard cash.
22:26Arthur doesn't believe in it for his employees.
22:28I need you to find someone.
22:30And?
22:31Tell him to get in touch.
22:32Well, anyone I know.
22:33Steve Johnson?
22:35Jono?
22:35Ain't seen him in years.
22:36Or his brothers, thank God.
22:38It was years ago.
22:38Steve's completely different now.
22:40I see time's done nothing to improve your temper, Isabella.
22:42Just find him, Ray.
22:44Look, is there any particular reason or should...
22:47Here, hang on.
22:48That geezer having the standoff with your old man.
22:50All that bothering the study that...
22:52Steve and I are gonna get married.
22:54Papa's really against it.
22:55For some reason, he thinks Steve's no good.
22:58What difference does it matter what your old man thinks?
23:00As long as you're happy.
23:01He's made life impossible for Steve.
23:03He's rude to him.
23:04He mistrusts him.
23:06Everything he does is wrong.
23:07Well, maybe he just needs a bit of time to get used to the idea.
23:10Been together four years, Ray.
23:12Today, Steve came to visit me.
23:15Papa sent him packing, which is nothing new.
23:17But later on, I got a phone call.
23:19Steve said he couldn't.
23:22You'd had enough?
23:24I've tried calling, but he's completely disappeared.
23:34Ray, you've got to find him.
23:36Please?
23:38It'll be alright.
23:43I reckon it was the crisp packets.
23:45They make them out of foil now.
23:46Keeps everything fresh.
23:48Also, it interferes with a signal.
23:50I've told Dave he's got to make the choice.
23:52The dish or the ready salted.
23:54He's not too happy.
23:56I can understand that.
23:57Ray.
23:58Good afternoon, Arthur.
23:59Logie.
24:00Looking forward to the Italian job?
24:01Not especially, no.
24:02Ray mentioned you was a bit worried.
24:04No problem, Arthur.
24:05I'm getting right on top of the technical side now.
24:07Dave was saying.
24:09Yeah, Arthur.
24:12Hello, Daly in the space.
24:14Oh, aye.
24:16Yeah, well, I'm doing me best.
24:18Look, it's only half an hour since I last saw you.
24:20Give us a break, eh?
24:23Look, I can't talk now.
24:24I'll be in touch.
24:26Yeah, okay.
24:27Bye.
24:31I don't like it, Ray.
24:33That's the best money can buy.
24:34No, not the decor.
24:36The positioning.
24:37He's not going to want a load of wires down the front of that lot, is he?
24:40All right.
24:40I'll have a look round the back, yeah?
24:44I don't normally indulge before the sun's up the yardarm,
24:46but when it's as good as this?
24:48In Sicily,
24:50they drink a raw egg mixed with brandy first thing in the morning.
24:54Sets them up for the day.
24:55Well, do many of them live past 40?
24:56Different pace of life, Arthur.
24:59You've come a long way, Franco.
25:01Especially in the last 20 years.
25:02I'm a pillar of society.
25:05In this country, you can buy respectability.
25:09Do you have a gun, Arthur?
25:16Here, you'll get me shot.
25:19Well, what'd he say?
25:20Who?
25:20Steve.
25:21Well, I haven't seen him yet.
25:22Ray, this is urgent.
25:24I'm doing my best.
25:24It ain't easy.
25:25I can't help myself.
25:26He's watching me like a hawk.
25:28I promise I'll check it out, yeah?
25:32Yeah, I've sussed it, Ray.
25:37Gonna need a ladder, son.
25:39Play pigeon shooting.
25:40It's like people are embarrassed to discuss the big deals round the table.
25:45They shoot or fish or go racing.
25:47Anything except sit down where they should.
25:50Of course you know all of these things, Arthur.
25:52The bane of my life.
25:54I think you and I prefer things the old way.
25:59But what can you do?
26:00We're businessmen.
26:01Exactly, Franco.
26:02And needs must.
26:03So you'll come?
26:05Well, I'm not sure whether Ray's got the gun back from Remenders yet.
26:09I remember your sense of humor, Arthur.
26:11But you must be as sick of these things as me.
26:14Together we'll have a good time.
26:15You leave your workmen, I'll leave my man-crazy daughter.
26:19Oh, my God.
26:20What is wrong, Arthur?
26:21The sudden rush of adrenaline.
26:23Thought of all that shooting.
26:24What time shall I be here?
26:258.30.
26:26Perfect.
26:31Some more ice here, Ray.
26:33Well, cheers, Dave.
26:34You was very lucky, Ray.
26:36Tumble like that.
26:39I remember Buck Page.
26:40Luck had nothing to do with it, Loki.
26:42The reason he didn't hurt himself was because he was like a man possessed.
26:46Like them geezers who used to walk on hot coals.
26:48I could have whopped him round the back of the head with a plank of wood.
26:50He still wouldn't have flinched.
26:51I thought you had done.
26:52Ray, when all this is over, you will thank me for slightly unbalancing you.
26:57God knows what would happen if you'd made it to Isabella's room.
26:59Arthur, I was trying to find a route for the cables off of the roof.
27:03Yeah.
27:04According to Franco, his daughter's not all that choosy.
27:06To have let you get to the top of that ladder in the state you were in
27:09would have been like giving a crate of sherry to an alcoholic
27:12and booking him a seat in the park.
27:13Arthur, Isabella is in love with a bloke Franco doesn't care for.
27:16That's why he's got it in for her.
27:18All the more reason why you should get a grip, Ray.
27:20These menageries of trials always end in tears.
27:22Arthur, how can I convince you, eh?
27:25Oh, forget it.
27:27I'm going for a lie down.
27:28Hey, hold on.
27:30Better not drive.
27:31Not half to bang on the head.
27:33There you go.
27:35What's that?
27:36Get yourself a ride home.
27:3770p?
27:38The bus goes right past your door.
27:44Oh, don't go on the top deck.
27:46You might have a funny turn.
28:11Good night, Arthur.
28:12See you tomorrow.
28:13Logie.
28:14Will I have a word?
28:15Are you worried about Ray, Arthur?
28:17It's just a phase he's going through.
28:19Remember Bobby Harris?
28:20Hands on Harris.
28:21It's a favour.
28:22Fire away.
28:23How do you know?
28:23Arthur?
28:24I need a gun.
28:28It's too much side, mate.
28:30You snookered yourself on the black.
28:32Hello, Steve.
28:34How's it you being here?
28:35I do not want an M4 assault rifle.
28:38This is a sophisticated gathering, Logie.
28:40I need a shotgun, double barrel job.
28:43The idea is you shoot these pigeons out of the sky.
28:46You don't force them to surrender by a show of firepower.
28:48I'll do keep in touch with Wally Charles.
28:51He's the two lap one or two of the smaller gangs.
28:53I'll see what I can do, Arthur.
28:54Appreciate you, Logie.
28:55Oh, and while I'm gone, keep an eye on lover boy.
29:03I never thought I'd find you in here.
29:05Reminds me of the good old days.
29:06What, with Rod and Cliff?
29:09Cliff.
29:10Yeah, just you three and a half of London met, eh?
29:12That's how I remember it.
29:13At least you knew where you stood.
29:16Yeah.
29:17Where are they now?
29:18Your brothers.
29:19They're inside.
29:21Yeah, of course.
29:22I tried to catch up with you at work the other day.
29:24I said you hadn't been in for a couple of days.
29:26I'm having a holiday.
29:27Come on, Ray.
29:28Say that you've got her.
29:30Isabella.
29:31It's over.
29:32Her father's decided I'm not good enough.
29:34Track record.
29:36Well, I can't keep banging my head against the brick wall.
29:38Isabella needs you, Steve.
29:39It's not going to happen.
29:41Not while Papa Rosetti's still around.
29:42Well, this ain't going to impress him, is it?
29:44I mean, you down here playing...
29:45He's not going to change his mind, Ray.
29:49May as well give him what he wants.
29:51Hey.
30:20Move.
30:21Move.
30:32There you are, Arthur.
30:33I couldn't get Wally last night.
30:35That telephone extension I put in for him must have packed in.
30:38A freak happening, I'm sure, Logie.
30:40The safety's off. It's loaded.
30:41All you've got to do is point it.
30:42Look, I did not spend all them endless hours at Fantasy Fun Fair
30:45with young Raymond without learning to shoot a gun.
30:48Fair dues, Arthur.
30:49I'll bash on with the dish.
30:58Would you like some breakfast, sir?
30:59Arthur!
31:00Franco.
31:03I'd like you to meet my friend Mario.
31:08He runs a chain of hotels and needs to have his satellite system updated.
31:12Any friend of Franco's?
31:13Mario, pleased to meet you.
31:15Mr. Daly and Mr. Rosetti.
31:17Don't worry, Arthur.
31:19I've arranged for Mario and some colleagues to come round and christen my new dish.
31:23Tonight, Inter plays Napoli.
31:26You can sleep there.
31:28Look, I don't mind if somebody else has my go.
31:30Please, Arthur.
31:30We must do our duty.
31:51I don't know.
31:57Arthur? No, have another go, Franco. It's stupid to stop while you're on a run.
32:00You're sweating, Arthur. It's the quality of the opposition.
32:02Ah, you hustle me. Okay. I got a 50 pounds a round. No more.
32:0750? An experienced shot, Arthur. It's an offer you cannot refuse.
32:10Uh, yeah, well, maybe I'll put a bit of rail jacks on my trigger finger.
32:13It's been giving me jip lately. Let me see.
32:15No! Oh, oh, that's done the trick.
32:18Oh, won't lose any more money to you, Arthur. Here.
32:25Arthur.
32:27It's not what it seems. Please.
32:30I can explain. You make me smile, Arthur, more and more.
32:34You never miss a chance. Excuse me?
32:38It's good to remember the old times, eh? Where we both came from.
32:43Especially on a day like this. So full of pretension.
32:48It's just a, just a token gesture, Franco.
32:52I appreciate it, Arthur. Here. Use my gun.
32:55Oh, thank you very much.
33:09Isabella's gone. She left him a knock.
33:17And what does this mean? Thanks for everything, Ray.
33:21But I can't wait any longer.
33:23I told you. I was trying to sort out one or two of her problems.
33:26Is that all you've been trying to do?
33:27Is that what you think of your daughter?
33:29I'm a very powerful man, Ray. Don't cross me.
33:34You don't scare me. Not like you have Isabella.
33:37What do you mean?
33:38She should have told you to get lost. Get on with her own life.
33:40But she cares for you too much, and that's why she's backed herself into a corner over it.
33:45Well, I ain't got that problem.
33:51Oh, Ray.
33:54What's she doing?
33:54Counting her. Thank God you're all right.
33:56You weren't wrong about him, Arthur. He is a nutter.
33:58What you taking them off for?
34:00I'm going to sort this mess out.
34:01You can't leave us. Don Corleone's frothing at her mouth in there.
34:04I've had enough of it, Arthur. The record needs putting straight.
34:07What about the dish? He's got to be up for this evening.
34:09He's got all his mates coming round to watch the footer.
34:11Well, no, you can manage it.
34:13It's just a matter of lugging it up there and bolting it on.
34:27Should I be carrying a wooden stake and a clove of garlic?
34:29What?
34:30This aversion to daylight. I wondered whether there was something I didn't know about.
34:33Ray, you never had any problem getting straight to the point at school.
34:35Nor did you.
34:36So?
34:37Times change, Steve. You used to be the brightest kid in the class.
34:40I grew up. That's exactly what you didn't do.
34:43Well, come on, Steve. It was your brothers putting the screw on you, wasn't it, eh?
34:46Well, you were the black sheep of the family.
34:48Fifteen and you still hadn't been arrested.
34:50Ray!
34:50You were never like them, Steve. You had something about you.
34:55I'll give you credit, though.
34:56You pulled it back round. You got the job, the car.
34:58Haven't I made it clear, Ray?
34:59Rossetti doesn't care.
35:01He doesn't give a damn what I've done to clean up.
35:03Times don't change for him.
35:04So you and him slug it out and Isabella gets forgotten about, eh?
35:07What?
35:07You and Rossetti.
35:09You're wasting all your energy on him and the one person who stood by you gets edged out the frame.
35:12What are you talking about?
35:14Isabella, she's done a runner, Steve.
35:15Then you've got to make a decision.
35:26Well, come on, Logie. Up you go.
35:28Now.
35:29We've been looking at it for the last quarter of an hour.
35:30That dish is not going to take itself up onto the roof, is it?
35:49That's it.
35:52I think you're still a few inches short, Logie.
35:54No, that's it, Arthur.
35:55I mean, that is it.
35:56I can't go any higher.
35:57Stop larging about.
35:59Go on, crack on up.
36:00And don't forget to leave everything tidy when you're finished.
36:04Help me, Arthur.
36:06I can't move.
36:11There must be somewhere else.
36:12Where would she go?
36:13I don't know.
36:15She's like her old man.
36:16She goes wild if she's cornered.
36:18She was the same at school.
36:20Any exams she didn't like the look of?
36:24Exam fever.
36:27For God's sake, let go, Logie.
36:29I can't.
36:30We might fall.
36:31It's three feet.
36:32As soon as I'm above the ground, Arthur.
36:34Look, you can't stay here for the rest of your natural.
36:37I'm breaking out in a cold sweat, Arthur.
36:38Oh, God.
36:39Vertigo is a state of mind.
36:41Now let go and get down.
36:42It's only a state of mind until you fall.
36:44Look, you have a bash, Arthur.
36:46I can shout the instructions from here.
36:47Look, if I want to trip the light fantastic 50 feet above terra firma,
36:50I'll join the surface.
36:51Now let go.
36:52I can't do it, Arthur.
36:55We'll have to wait till Ray comes back.
36:57Arthur.
36:59Looked out of my window and couldn't see you.
37:00I thought maybe you'd finished.
37:02Everything all right?
37:03Yes, just making sure it's good and solid, Franco.
37:05Of course.
37:07Unfortunately, we've run into technical problems.
37:09It's slowed us up.
37:10What technical problems?
37:11Well, the...
37:13Well, I won't bore you with a jargon,
37:15but the atmospheric's all up the spout.
37:17We'll have to wait for young Ray to come back.
37:19Arthur, I don't think Ray will be coming back.
37:21That boy's not a quitter, Franco.
37:23You're very trusting.
37:25I can't afford to take a chance, Arthur.
37:26My friends would be most upset if they can't watch the match.
37:30And so would I.
37:33Most upset.
37:35Yeah.
37:35Well, maybe we could check whether the climactic conditions have improved.
37:40Hey, Logie?
37:41Why don't you do that?
37:44Oh, by the way.
37:46Your boy got onto the roof via the attic.
37:49Oh.
37:50Thank you very much.
38:11An aerial installation man afraid of heights.
38:13No wonder you've packed the job in.
38:14Why didn't you say something?
38:16I thought I might have outgrown it.
38:17How long have you had it?
38:1830 years.
38:20I think it's a condition you'll have to live with.
38:22I'll be okay as long as I don't look down.
38:25Logie, you have to climb up something in order to look down.
38:28I'll be okay, Arthur.
38:29Now that you know, I can concentrate my efforts.
38:39Logie, we've got to get that dish fixed.
38:42Look, Rosetti's looking to add to his collection of rigid digits.
38:45I'm getting him double vision, Arthur.
38:46Oh, God.
38:48I think you used to live in a tower block.
38:49It's terrifying.
38:51What you doing, Arthur?
38:52Much as I believe management is 10% consultation and 90% delegation,
38:57I intend to get that dish fixed and leave here in...
39:01in one piece.
39:04There you are, Logie.
39:06It's all a matter of confidence.
39:07Oh, my God!
39:32Oi, anyone's spoken in there?
39:35You're tired than you imagine.
39:38Aren't we above cloud?
39:39Keep your head down, Harper.
39:41A gust of wind will have you off of here.
39:44I feel very peculiar.
39:46Lack of oxygen this high up.
39:48I've had a rethink.
39:50This work is tailor-made for Ray.
39:53Follow me.
39:57Here.
39:58Franco will go mad.
39:59We'll have to risk it.
40:01Don't push me!
40:11What's up, Arthur?
40:14You're stuck.
40:23You're stuck.
40:28You're stuck.
40:29You're stuck.
40:29It's a tip.
40:30What if someone opens up?
40:32I had to get away.
40:33I tried to explain in the note.
40:34You should have told me.
40:36Yeah, you didn't want to see me.
40:37I didn't mean it.
40:38You know I do.
40:41I couldn't see the point, that's all.
40:44Your dad's not going to budge.
40:46I don't ever have to go back to that house.
40:49If you're serious.
40:50Well, now, hold up.
40:51I mean, I don't want to get in the way of blind passion,
40:53but that's not a good move.
40:54Papa's never going to accept Steve.
40:56That's because he doesn't know him.
40:57You don't want to spend the rest of your life avoiding your dad, do you?
41:00I mean, what else can I do?
41:03What are we going to do, Arthur?
41:05Keep calm and call for help.
41:12There's no other houses for miles around.
41:14Shut up. Don't talk.
41:19Oh, God.
41:20Oh, God.
41:21Bennett.
41:34Help!
41:36Help!
41:38Logie, what's Italian for help?
41:39I don't know, Arthur.
41:41Helper.
41:42Helper!
41:44Louder, Arthur.
41:45Please, Logie.
41:46I'm not Spider-Man.
41:48Bad enough having to keep your balance without starting to yodel as well.
41:51No one will hear you.
41:54Never again will I advocate double glazing.
41:58Shall we sing a hymn?
42:00What for?
42:01Keep our spirits up.
42:04Unless you can summon up a celestial ladder, I should save your energy.
42:08Think of something else.
42:10Remember Freddie Green?
42:12Yeah, her name rings a bell.
42:14Married Mickey Rogers' sister.
42:16Oh, yeah, yeah. Lives in Acme.
42:17Fell off his garage roof last month.
42:19Broke both his legs.
42:20Oh, yeah, sir.
42:27Ray!
42:28Ray!
42:29Thank God.
42:30Ray!
42:34Why did he stop?
42:36I think I saw him wave.
42:39Turn him round.
42:40I think he'll come back.
42:48You weren't shouting loud enough, Arthur.
42:50No, he's as loud as I go, Logie.
42:52He will come back.
42:57He's not coming, Arthur.
43:02You know, abide with me.
43:03I didn't think I'd see you again, Ray.
43:05I thought you might be interested.
43:07I know where Isabella is.
43:09What do you want?
43:10I've just come to say that she's well and she's leaving home.
43:13She can't do this.
43:15She is.
43:15And she's going with Steve.
43:17She says she'll get in touch once they're married.
43:19Now, you got any message?
43:20Yes.
43:21Yes.
43:21Tell her from me.
43:23I never want to see her again.
43:25If she runs off with this boy, she's finished with me.
43:28I think she's finished with you anyway.
43:30I'll let her know, though.
43:32Ray.
43:33Is this boy really so important?
43:35She loves him.
43:37And you know what it's like when you have to have something.
43:39You'll make any sacrifices, even ones that hurt.
43:41I never thought she'd be so foolish.
43:43He runs with the wrong crowd.
43:44How can I give my blessing?
43:45That was years ago.
43:47No good family.
43:48Face it, Mr. Rossetti.
43:49Whoever Isabella chose to marry, you'd find something wrong with him.
43:52You just can't let her go, can you?
43:54If she'd made the right choice.
43:55She's already made it.
43:58She'd be a lot happier if you backed her up.
44:01However you do or you don't, she's made the choice.
44:13I'll have him here in an hour.
44:15The audio approaches floors, Logan.
44:17We need something we can display.
44:19Are you sure this is going to work, Arthur?
44:20Of course it is.
44:21I saw it on the telly.
44:22I can hear something coming.
44:25Right!
44:26Right!
44:27Right!
44:28Right!
44:28Right!
44:29Right!
44:29Right!
44:30Right!
44:32Right!
44:32I'll show you hitchhikers in a very different light from now on in.
44:35The leperin isn't big enough, Arthur.
44:36Of course it is.
44:37The nib's too small.
44:39We need an alternative materi...
44:41...material.
44:43You're looking at me very strange, Arthur.
44:45Logie.
44:46Take your overalls off.
44:48Arthur.
44:55He opened the ice.
44:57What's that supposed to mean?
44:58I told you, Arthur, I'm not good at these.
45:00I haven't got the right kind of mind.
45:02It's only a question of logic, Logie.
45:03It doesn't have to be a work of art as long as it conveys our predicament.
45:07Who's tiny?
45:08I haven't finished.
45:09Talk.
45:09Maybe we should draw straws.
45:11Lose our shins down the drainpipe.
45:13Logie, you are not helping matters with your defeatist attitude.
45:16Sorry, Arthur.
45:17It's just these roofs, you know.
45:19Nighttime, get a drop of dew on them.
45:20They're like skating rinks.
45:32That's the third one, Arthur.
45:34Do you reckon they think it's a joke?
45:36Look, short of one of us taking a swallow dive over the edge to clarify our position,
45:40I don't see how I can make it any plainer.
45:41I'm sorry, Arthur.
45:43It's just I feel moisture in the air.
45:44Don't make a move unless you have to...
45:46But will you stop your panic-mongering?
45:48There must be a solution.
45:50I do know.
45:51It was my brother.
45:54Mario Connestoy.
45:55I'm glad you could make it.
45:57I like the new car.
46:01I think if it had been mine, I would have chosen the red.
46:09It is in times of extremis, Logie, that the daily comes into his own.
46:18You're right, Arthur.
46:20It's working.
46:21I can hear voices.
46:22You're a genius.
46:23That's a long trick, Logie.
46:25Used to be very popular at a lot of soccer grounds.
46:36Franco, what can I say?
46:38I mean, personally, I would have sat it out myself, but my companion was beside himself.
46:42Completely out of control.
46:45Apparently, he had a nasty experience in a tree house when he was younger.
46:48Please, Arthur.
46:49It could have been worse.
46:50That's the thing to consider.
46:52We thought this swimming pool was on this side.
46:55Really, Arthur.
46:56We're lucky.
46:57Just the one direct hit.
47:11Papa.
47:14Welcome.
47:20Before we start, I'd like to thank you for the sporting way in which you took the tile incident.
47:27And I hope you realize it was integral, as was the sacrificing of my windscreen, to bringing you this match
47:32live tonight.
47:34Anyone else wanting a satellite system, I can give you a contact in Germany for a nominal commission.
47:40Oh, any of you got light snacks or biscuits wrapped in foil?
47:44Could you desist from eating them till half time?
47:59This is Chinese.
48:02What league is Natalie in?
48:04You haven't lined it up properly.
48:06Arthur.
48:07Just fine-tuning, don't worry.
48:12Logie!
48:13It's Arthur.
48:15Spin it round a bit.
48:17Go on.
48:18Go on.
48:19Keep going.
48:20Go on.
48:25That's it.
48:26Hold it.
48:27Don't move.
48:29Here, Arthur.
48:30He's securely strapped to the chimney stack, Ray.
48:33The game's just started.
48:34He'll freeze.
48:35Look, Ray, I'd do it myself, but Logie's got a nasty phobia he needs help cracking.
48:40He can take him up a cup of soup at half time.
Comments