- 1 day ago
First broadcast 5th September 1991.
Arthur is taken aback when he finds that Terry has emigrated to Australia without telling him.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Stephen Tompkinson - D.C. Park
Vania Vilers - Pierre
Lill Roughley - Doreen Daley
Sidney Livingstone - Bert Daley
Allie Byrne - Lucy
Roberta Taylor - Pat Norris
Raymond Brody - Morry
Albie Woodington - Ginger Blythe
Tim Barker - Wilf
Philippe Smolikowski - Anton
Peter Allen - Guest
Maurice Bush - Door minder
Antony Gilding - Policeman
Ron Gregory - Policeman
Stuart Myers - Policeman
Tommy Windward - Guest
Arthur is taken aback when he finds that Terry has emigrated to Australia without telling him.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Stephen Tompkinson - D.C. Park
Vania Vilers - Pierre
Lill Roughley - Doreen Daley
Sidney Livingstone - Bert Daley
Allie Byrne - Lucy
Roberta Taylor - Pat Norris
Raymond Brody - Morry
Albie Woodington - Ginger Blythe
Tim Barker - Wilf
Philippe Smolikowski - Anton
Peter Allen - Guest
Maurice Bush - Door minder
Antony Gilding - Policeman
Ron Gregory - Policeman
Stuart Myers - Policeman
Tommy Windward - Guest
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:32I said something wrong, now I longed for yesterday.
00:42It'll be nice to see you.
00:45Oh, thank you.
00:47Nice to see you.
00:48What's she singing that for?
00:49Oh, I think somebody...
00:51What, requested it?
00:53Yeah, requested it.
00:53Hello.
00:54Hello.
00:55I bet it was that sister of yours.
00:57Yeah, it was as it happens.
00:59I thought so.
01:01She's got a bloody cheek.
01:02That's a nice song.
01:04I'm talking about coming here dressed like that.
01:06Look at her.
01:07I was told when I bought this, it was an original creation.
01:11Right.
01:12Arthur said it was the only one of its kind.
01:14Nice to see you.
01:17Darn it now, but here comes another.
01:23Where is Arthur?
01:37The reason those watches appear to be nine hours fast is because they were made in Yokohama.
01:42Hmm.
01:44Yokohama, Billy.
01:44It's in Japan.
01:48Yeah, yeah, Billy.
01:49I'm fully conversant with the fact you are not in Yokohama.
01:52You're in Bradford.
01:53Yeah.
01:55Hold on.
01:55Hold on.
01:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:59The point is, Billy, if you were in Japan or Korea or even parts of America, lumps of Canada,
02:04those watches would be spot on.
02:07No, no, no.
02:07That won't make any difference.
02:08It doesn't matter which one you wear them on.
02:10The whole point of these watches is they are not adjustable.
02:15Yeah, you do that.
02:16Look, I must go now.
02:17The pips are gone again.
02:18And I'm running out of smash.
02:19Tell her.
02:21Oh, that belly of Bradford is such a worrier.
02:24Now, where was I?
02:26Discussing my problem, Arthur.
02:28Oh, yeah, that's right.
02:29Now, as I see it, these comedians are leaning on you.
02:31I bet they've even offered your little insurance policy act.
02:34Yeah.
02:35Fully comprehensive one.
02:36Covers fire, burglary, vandalism and flash floods.
02:41Flash floods?
02:42They've got access to a second-hand fire engine.
02:45Hooligans, Hooligans.
02:46Look, I'll send Terry over to see you.
02:48You fill him in with the details.
02:49You'll have a little word with him.
02:51Thanks, Arthur.
02:52Also, Tom, I'd have looked after it myself.
02:54But since my bypass, the doctors say I mustn't get excited.
02:58Thanks a lot.
02:59Think nothing of it.
03:00We look after each other.
03:03We're family.
03:05We're family.
03:06We're family.
03:06We're family.
03:12I'm coming home.
03:14I've done the time.
03:16Now I've got to know what is and isn't mine.
03:20If you receive my letter telling you I'd sue me free
03:24Then you'll know just what to do
03:27If you still want me
03:29If you still want me
03:33Just tie a yellow look around me
03:36So humiliating.
03:39I feel like I'm in a South London Formation dancing team.
03:43That wasn't enough.
03:44His own wife, bold as brass, comes in wearing one as well.
03:48She didn't look exactly over the moon about it.
03:51Hello, love.
03:52You all right?
03:54She steamed straight into the...
03:56What, kitchen?
03:57Kitchen, yeah.
03:58She hasn't come out since.
04:02It's time for you to have a word with Arthur.
04:05He's holding court in the cloaks.
04:08Do you want me to come with you?
04:10What, another cloak story?
04:12It's men only in there.
04:14Let me choose me a moment.
04:16Arthur's busy right now.
04:18Yeah, Brussels 707175.
04:21That's right, you're tough.
04:22Yeah, transfer charge.
04:23Yeah.
04:24Brussels, eh?
04:25Certainly expanded, Arthur.
04:26Oh, yeah.
04:27I'm in Europe now, Wilf.
04:28We are no longer a nation of shopkeepers.
04:31I discovered a window of opportunity
04:34and I jumped straight through.
04:36Oh, come on, Bert.
04:37Time for the speeches, isn't it?
04:38Not quite.
04:40I thought you'd like another to wet your whistle before you...
04:43Speak.
04:43Speak.
04:44That's very thoughtful of you.
04:47Hey, um...
04:48Doreen pleased with her dress, wasn't she?
04:50Oh, yes.
04:50She was a bit surprised it was so popular for an original...
04:54Creation.
04:54Creation.
04:55Yeah, the originals are hard to come by.
04:56I can't get enough of them.
04:58I've got my speech already.
04:59That's good of you to do it for me, Arthur.
05:01If I had to do it myself, we'd be here all night.
05:04Night.
05:04No, I think nothing of it, Bert.
05:05You're family.
05:06Cheers.
05:07Cheers.
05:08Cheers.
05:10No, any time, Bert.
05:11Anything you want done.
05:12There is a little favour you could do us, Arthur.
05:15Us?
05:16Doreen and I.
05:17We're worried about Ray.
05:18He's becoming a problem.
05:19Your boy Ray?
05:20What's he been up to?
05:21A little bit of this, a little bit of that.
05:23He's mixing with a crowd that are a bit iffy.
05:25Iffy?
05:26He's a good lad at heart, but he needs a bit of guidance.
05:29Yeah, you want me to have a word with him.
05:31Wheel him in.
05:32Well, we'd like you to do a bit more than that if you could, Arthur.
05:34We were wondering if you could give him a job.
05:37What, you mean regular work?
05:38Yeah.
05:39He looks up to you.
05:40He always has, but we all do.
05:42And he is family, Arthur.
05:44Ah.
05:49You're not stuttering.
05:51Comes and...
05:52Goes.
05:52Goes.
05:53With all these business expansions you've been doing recently,
05:56another pair of hands could be useful.
05:58I have got the best pair of hands in London.
06:00They belong to Terry.
06:01No, he don't want a job as a minder, Arthur.
06:04He's useful, he can handle himself, but he's well-educated.
06:07No, there's more to him than thumping people.
06:10No disrespect to Terry, but he's, er...
06:13Ray's executive material.
06:15Wheel him in.
06:32Say hello to Arthur, Ray.
06:34Hello, Arthur.
06:35Uncle Arthur.
06:37Hello, Ray.
06:38You've grown a bit since the last time I saw you.
06:40What's happened to your shirt?
06:41You've been doing naughties with one of the bridesmaids.
06:44It's traditional.
06:45It's a wedding angle.
06:46Oh, yeah.
06:47What happened to the material?
06:47They run out.
06:48Looks like a couple of curtain remnants.
06:50This is a West London original.
06:51This is the business.
06:53La crème de la crème.
06:55Where les Français inventent le chabot,
06:57les Anglais ajoutent la chemise.
06:59Does he often go on like this, Bert?
07:01Oh, he's got an old level in woodwork.
07:03And one in...
07:05French?
07:05French, yeah.
07:06I remember that if I want to lure the 17th chairs made.
07:10What do you want to do with your life, Ray?
07:13I don't want to spend it nicking car radios like most of me mates.
07:17I want to get into tie-wearing activities.
07:19Be a captain of industry like you, Uncle Arthur.
07:22Major, Ray. Major.
07:24Right.
07:24I mean, people look up to you.
07:26I mean, they respect you.
07:27People don't take liberties with you, do they, Uncle?
07:30Only once, Ray.
07:31Only once.
07:32I run a tightly knit team.
07:34I don't think I have room for a new lad at the moment.
07:39All right, sir.
07:42Thanks, Arthur.
07:43If you can do anything, we'd appreciate you.
07:51Hello?
07:52Yeah.
07:54Au revoir, Pierre.
07:54How's things?
07:57But he left London yesterday.
07:59I told him to report to you this morning.
08:03Right, well, look, I'll get Terry over there tomorrow.
08:05Listen, I think I've got a firm order for that Mercedes 190.
08:09Yeah.
08:10Right.
08:10Leave it with me.
08:11Ta-ra.
08:15Problems?
08:16Wilf, go and get that lad back in here, will you?
08:19Mm-hmm.
08:22Mm-hmm.
08:33Can you drive?
08:34Yeah.
08:35I need someone to keep an eye on the lock-up, do a bit of running around.
08:38Report to my North London headquarters, nine sharp tomorrow morning.
08:41And, er, get yourself a proper shirt.
08:44Right, come on, let's get these speeches done.
09:08Well, I think it's because I look better in mine than she does in hers.
09:14Well, listen, I'm going to make a speech.
09:17Yeah, well, she says she's been listening to you rehearsing that all week.
09:20And she doesn't think it'll improve, even with seven tier Marias.
09:24Family.
09:26Family.
09:27Family.
09:28Family.
09:28Family.
09:28Family.
09:29Family.
09:30Family.
09:41Family.
09:48Terry.
09:49Shake a leg, my son.
09:52That bloody Johnny Bradbury's gone walkabout in Brussels.
09:56Failed to turn up at Pierre's showroom.
10:01You'll have to work hard there.
10:02And when you come back, I've got this nephew I've been lumbered with.
10:48Oh, no, I've been turned over.
11:10I've been here.
11:12I was in the middle of, too.
11:18And when you come back, I've been here.
11:19Something is going to be here?
11:19Oh, no.
11:20Yeah.
11:20There, there, there, there, there, there, there, there.
11:31Raymond!
11:34Raymond, I do not expect this sort of behaviour from family.
11:38You do not break into my lock-up so that you can give some old scrubber a scene to.
11:41Ray, I told your mum and dad I'd keep an eye on you.
11:44Arthur!
11:44And what do I find? First morning on the job? You're on the job.
11:47This is not the North London branch of a permissive society, you know.
11:51Get rid of this woman, I've got work to do.
11:52Joy's gone missing in Brussels and Terry's vanished in London.
11:55Leave this to me.
11:57Firstly, Arthur Daly, I am neither old nor a scrubber.
12:01Your young assistant found me outside waiting for you.
12:04I got some grit in my eye and he very kindly broke in so I could bathe it.
12:08That's what we were doing when you burst in here like an ageing Nick Faldo.
12:13Yes, well, as you probably gathered, I've got problems with one or two staff that I've got to attend to.
12:18So perhaps you'd like to write in and make an appointment.
12:20Your staff problems, as you put it, is what I've come to see you about.
12:24Your tightly knit team has left you.
12:27Terry McCann and Johnny Bradbury have gone independent.
12:32What do you know about Terry?
12:34I'm his mother-in-law.
12:37Dave!
12:38Dave!
12:39You're not going to believe this.
12:40After all I've done for him, after all the sacrifices I've made, do you know what he's done?
12:44He's gone bent.
12:45Gone bloody bent.
12:47He's got married.
12:48Married!
12:49And if that's not enough, he's gone into business with Johnny Bradbury.
12:56You knew about this, didn't you?
12:59You were expecting me, even.
13:01What is this?
13:02National Judas Week?
13:06I blame you for this, Dave.
13:08Almost it said give Terry a fortnight off.
13:10With pay, you said.
13:12The boy looks peaky, you said.
13:13I bet you knew just what he was up to.
13:16Yeah, well, he did mention it, Arthur.
13:18You knew?
13:19How could you, Dave?
13:20How could you?
13:21We're partners in this club.
13:23Whatever happened to the bonds of trust that bind comrades against adversity?
13:27My partner?
13:28Plotting him on my mind.
13:29That reminds me, Arthur.
13:31Can you see your way clear to putting in the 25%?
13:34Not now, Dave.
13:35Not now.
13:35I'm grappling with major aggravation.
13:37There's no time to talk about money.
13:40All right, all right.
13:40If you knew about it, you must know where he is.
13:43Yeah, yeah.
13:44Well, he did leave me an address, you know, in case any letters came for him.
13:50I did promise not to give it to you.
13:52Dave, I am not in the habit of communicating with my staff by letter.
13:55Will you please stop provadicating and tell me where he is?
14:02Yes.
14:11Hello?
14:14No, I'm sorry.
14:15Mr. Daly's not here at present.
14:19Terry?
14:20No, no, my name's Ray.
14:24No, Terry doesn't work here no more.
14:27Terry?
14:28It's your friend, Arthur.
14:31Come on, open up.
14:32Let's have a talk.
14:34Oh, come on, Terry.
14:36Surely I'm worth more than this.
14:38If you've got a problem, we can sort it out.
14:41We always have done.
14:43Here, I've got something for you.
14:49Some back wages.
14:59There you are, Terry, 40 reddies on the mat.
15:08Terry, Terry, how could you?
15:09How could you live in somewhere so nouveau gauche?
15:12Who are you calling nouveau gauche?
15:14I want to talk to Terry.
15:16I demand a right to talk to him.
15:17You're going to have to shout.
15:19I've been doing that.
15:20Where is he?
15:20Round the back?
15:22Australia.
15:23Australia?
15:23That's why he wrote to you.
15:25They suddenly found there was a flight available.
15:28There wasn't time to talk to you.
15:30You were in South London at a wedding.
15:31He didn't know where.
15:32Here.
15:33Do you realise I've just dropped 40 quid on your mat?
15:37I don't normally take money from strange men.
15:40In your case, I'll make an exception.
15:43Now, piss off.
15:44Right, right, right.
15:57What are you doing here, lad?
15:59I left you at the lock-up.
16:00It's all right, Uncle.
16:01I locked it all up before we come over here.
16:03We?
16:04I've had a lot of phone calls for you.
16:06Well, didn't they all ask for Terry?
16:07But I told them that he didn't work for you no more.
16:10Some of your customers must be a bit deaf.
16:12I'd repeat that bit quite a few times.
16:14Well, then Mr Maxim and Mr O'Shea turned up to collect their cars.
16:18And while I was searching for the keys,
16:20Tony turns up to collect that dozen video recorders.
16:23Ugh.
16:25You all right, Uncle?
16:26Looked like you'd been overdoing it a bit.
16:28The amount of business you've done this morning,
16:30I'm not surprised you need more staff.
16:32Well, anyway, don't worry.
16:34Mr Maxim and Mr O'Shea,
16:35they got their friend Steve to drive over here.
16:38They took their cars and gave me a tenner for me trouble.
16:41Not a bad start on me first day.
16:44I do not know any Mr Maxson or O'Shea,
16:47and I've not sold them any cars.
16:49Also, I do not know anyone called Tony
16:51who's bought a dozen video recorders.
16:54Rats coming out of the woodwork.
16:56No sooner as word got round the manor,
16:59courtesy of you that I am without a minder,
17:01than the vermin come out and steal my hard-earned cheese.
17:04Never mind, you got me.
17:06If it wasn't for the fact that this little lot's
17:08gonna come out of your wages, I'd fire you on the spot.
17:11But as it is, by my calculation,
17:12you'll spend the next ten years paying off that debt.
17:16You've only been with me half a day,
17:17and I'm down two cars and a dozen videos.
17:19I'm sorry, Uncle.
17:20Is there anything I can do to help?
17:24You said you can drive.
17:25Yeah, Uncle.
17:26Stop calling me Uncle!
17:28You keep reminding me you're family,
17:30and at the moment I find that intensely depressing.
17:36All right, I've got a job for you.
17:50Mark, you really ought to check the street.
17:53Last time something like this happened,
17:55three wise men on camels came out the east.
17:57I'd hate to miss them.
17:59Very droll, Mr. Morley, very droll.
18:01Be fair, Daley, you must admit,
18:03it's not every day of the week you come to us for help.
18:05I'm not gonna make a pernicious habit of it either.
18:08Look, all I want is my goods return without any undue fuss.
18:14Look, there's an unconfirmed rumour flying round this manor,
18:18that police investigate crime.
18:21I've enjoyed myself that much,
18:23I can't even take offence at that remark.
18:25What are you making of it, Park?
18:27It's the first time I ever heard of Mr. Daley giving his goods away.
18:30I didn't give them away, my lad was conned.
18:33It was a blatant case of criminal fraud.
18:35Well, you being a world authority on the subject,
18:37I'd have to take your word for it.
18:39Why don't you face facts, Daley?
18:40Look, what I'm facing is the loss of two cars and a dozen video recorders.
18:44Right, and last week, if that had happened, what would you have done?
18:46I certainly wouldn't have wasted time coming in here.
18:48You'd have sent Terry round to sort it out, wouldn't you?
18:51Precisely. Now there isn't any Terry, is there?
18:53That's why that young lad of yours can be conned.
18:57It's the best news I've had in years.
18:59Face it, Daley, you're all washed up.
19:02Why don't you buy a retirement home in Essex like all the other geriatric villains do?
19:05May I remind you, you're talking to one of your employers.
19:08I pay your wages.
19:10Of course you do.
19:11It's one of life's little ironies, isn't it?
19:14You've been paying me for years to harass you, to investigate you.
19:19And one day to nick you.
19:21Well, before you fit me up, why don't you add us and investigate those people
19:24who are driving round in my cars and playing my videos?
19:27I've got all the details, Mr Daley, and if we discover anything, we'll be in touch.
19:35Morning, yeah?
19:37Uh, Daley?
19:39Yeah, he's with me now.
19:45Yeah, I'll tell him.
19:49You've got some good news for me.
19:52You are having a bad day, aren't you?
19:58Hello, Uncle.
19:59I told you not to call me Uncle. Gives me headache.
20:02I thought you'd told me you could drive.
20:04Well, I can. I just ain't got a licence.
20:07Don't say a dickie.
20:09Did you tell them you haven't got a licence?
20:12What'd you say? You lost it or something?
20:14Right.
20:16While you're here, don't say nothing to nobody.
20:18Particularly don't say nothing to Detective Sergeant Morley or his op-boat park.
20:22Understand?
20:24Did you deliver the dresses to Morley all right?
20:26Yeah.
20:27Did you get paid?
20:28Yeah.
20:29Oh, thank God for that.
20:31What's that? A cheque? A bloody Gregory?
20:35Don't you realise why he's called Bouncing Morley?
20:37Oh, I wish your parents had gone in for goldfish instead of children.
20:42Then when they got tired of them, they could have flushed them down the loo.
20:47They said what?
20:48They offered me protection.
20:49They said you was finished.
20:51They said they'd look after me.
20:52And this was Ginger Bly?
20:53That's right.
20:54He's taking diabolical liberties.
20:56Arthur, when we became partners in this place, the last thing I thought there'd be problems with was a minder.
21:00Yeah, I know, Dave, I know.
21:01I've already tried three possible replacements.
21:04Two of them are inside, and one of them has taken up market gardening.
21:07But look, don't worry. Leave it with me. I'll sort out something.
21:09You'd better add.
21:10Yeah, all right.
21:11Arthur.
21:11What?
21:12Geezer left this for you.
21:14Oh, yeah, tar.
21:16Arthur?
21:17Arthur!
21:18I gave him 100 quid for that.
21:36This is an international driving licence.
21:38Well, of course it is.
21:39He took his test in Karachi.
21:43You quite clear about how to get to Pierre's showroom in Brussels?
21:46No problem.
21:47I'll take a taxi from the airport.
21:48Tech?
21:49Airport?
21:49Tech!
21:50Ray, you get a bus from here, a train from Victoria, a boat from Dover,
21:55and another train from Ostend.
21:57With you away for a couple of days and not distracting me,
22:00I might be able to find myself another minder.
22:01You got me, Arthur.
22:03Why do you need someone else?
22:05I need a man, Ray, not a boy.
22:07Now, keep your nose clean and your mouth shut in Brussels.
22:10I'll meet you off the ferry when you get back.
22:12There is no need to, Arthur.
22:14Look, I'm only sending you because there's no-one else.
22:17Your track record so far, it wouldn't surprise me
22:19if you'd come off that ferry in chains.
22:34You won't find my two cars and 12 videos in there.
22:37This is very tasty, Daley.
22:39All my cars are tasty, Mr. Morley.
22:41Haven't you heard?
22:42I'm into Europe.
22:44Yeah, we'd heard that you offer the biggest discounts in London.
22:47DS thought we'd check it out.
22:49Discounts against the law now, are they?
22:50Not at all, Arthur.
22:53I'm entirely approved.
22:54What discount can you offer me on this car?
22:56Do me a favour, Mr. Morley.
22:57You want to buy a car, go and see a main dealer.
23:00Are you turning away customers, then?
23:02No, yes.
23:04What are people going to think?
23:06They see me doing business with a police officer.
23:08I'm in the market for one of these.
23:12What's the best discount you can give me?
23:16Cash.
23:17Cash?
23:19Cash.
23:21I can get you a new one of these, taxed for six months, on the road,
23:25£1,000 under list price.
23:27Can you now?
23:28You won't find a better offer in London.
23:31I know.
23:32He's checked.
23:34How soon can you get me a new one over from Brussels?
23:37In wait.
23:38I'll have one on the lot for you in 48 hours.
23:42My God, Daley is more to you than meets the eye.
23:45That's been said once or twice before.
23:47Do you want me to put the wheels in motion?
23:49No commitment.
23:51No commitment.
23:51You test drive it with Park and make up your own mind.
23:56Right.
23:58Get one over.
24:26Well, that's it's done.
24:27It's not too long.
24:29That's for you.
24:30Well, that's it.
24:31It's done.
24:32You'd have to do it.
24:32You'd have to do it.
24:33No, I'm not sure.
24:36You'd have to do it all.
24:38It's done.
24:42It's done.
24:42No, don't you want it? He sent another chauffeur.
24:45Yes, of course.
24:47As usual, I'm in Brontal.
24:50And I'm telling you not to do it.
24:52It's 100 bricks, still.
24:54Yes, in the bag.
24:56Yes, in the bag.
24:59Okay.
25:06Do you speak French, Mr. Daley?
25:09Come again?
25:10Forgive me. I was wondering if you spoke French.
25:13I know most of the words to Eviva Espana, if that's any use.
25:17There.
25:19The paperwork is now complete.
25:22The car is outside.
25:27Mon voyage, eh?
25:30Oh, yeah, right.
25:45This sauce has no bite anymore.
25:48When I was a lad, you could clean pennies with this stuff.
25:51Bloody Europeans.
25:54Well, I'm glad to see you were able to get back without being arrested.
25:58At least I've got Sonic, right?
26:00I'm not as wet behind the ears as you think I am.
26:03Even so, I've still got a vacancy I can't fill.
26:23I know we're not members, Dave.
26:26But surely you can serve your business partners?
26:30One drink, then.
26:32And after that, on your bike.
26:38That's not very friendly, Dave.
26:46Well, let's have a quick one, then we'll take this over to the car lot.
26:49You're not going to leave it on the car lot.
26:50Yeah, of course.
26:52Well, go on, then.
26:53I'll wait with the car while you're having a drink.
26:54Don't be daft.
26:55It's all alarmed.
26:56Nobody will nick it.
26:58Come on.
27:00Oh, sorry, Kevin.
27:18Bit past our bedtime, isn't it, Ginger?
27:21Hey, it's up.
27:22It's yesterday's man.
27:24Half a daily.
27:26Didn't think you'd have the fun to show up here.
27:28Not while I'm busy selling Dave insurance.
27:30We don't need any insurance for this club.
27:33Don't worry, Dave.
27:35Terry's on the way.
27:36Nice try, Daley.
27:37What's he coming by?
27:39Qantas Jet?
27:40He's going to have to be pretty nippy coming all the way from Sydney.
27:44I even had a run of bad luck, Daley.
27:46That tailor's dummy with you.
27:48He's been giving cars and videos away, hasn't he?
27:50I might have guessed scum like you were behind that.
27:53500 a week, Dave.
27:55You and this old age pension are going to afford that.
27:57I'm guaranteeing this type of aggromation will cease.
28:01Right.
28:03Arthur.
28:05Oh!
28:06Oh!
28:11Oh!
28:14Oh!
28:26Oh, Dave.
28:27He's family.
28:32Before you leave, a word in your shell night.
28:36What?
28:37I want those cars back on the lot.
28:39And those videos in the lock-up 9 sharp tomorrow morning.
28:42Otherwise, Ray will call the collector.
28:45Understood?
28:46And never, never take liberties with me again.
28:52All right.
29:00Ray, if you could avoid smashing the furniture when you're working,
29:03I'd be very grateful, because I own 25% of this place.
29:07Right, Dave, usual for me.
29:09And what are you going to have, Ray?
29:10I'll have a St. Clemens, please, Arthur.
29:21Well, let's see.
29:23Two hours since that little alt location at the Winchester.
29:25Should be time enough, Ray.
29:27Come on.
29:48Oh, such a terrible misunderstanding.
29:51I went after the la...
29:53Raymond, with the cash, but he'd gone.
29:57No, he's like that, Morrie.
29:58Here one minute, go on the next.
29:59You never know where he's going to turn up.
30:02Such a versatile young man.
30:04Yeah, versatility is his speciality.
30:07Now, it's all there, Arthur.
30:09Please, feel free to check it.
30:14I'd like my key personnel to be near at hand.
30:16I've had a word with your dad, and he's OK with him.
30:19You can have this flat.
30:21Oh, thanks, Arthur.
30:22Thanks a lot.
30:23Yeah, when I say have, I'm using it as a figure of speech, you understand.
30:27It'll come out of your wages.
30:28Yeah, I'll be meaning to have a word with you about that, Arthur.
30:30What wages am I going to get?
30:32We'll discuss that when I get my cars and my videos back.
30:35What is the matter with your generation?
30:37You're obsessed with money and sex.
30:38Don't you ever think of anything else?
30:40Yeah.
30:41Rock and roll.
30:43Here, can I decorate?
30:46Yeah.
30:47About your own expense.
30:49And there's a car on the lot you can use when you've got a valid British licence.
30:53That reminds me, you owe me a hundred quid for that Pakistani one.
30:57I'll take that out of your wages, too.
31:03Well, Dave, I think I can safely say that once more I have single-handedly overcome my adversities.
31:09It looks like it, Arthur.
31:10All the problems posed by my former staff, leaving for the land of the Wynchim Pond, have been solved.
31:16Now, Dave, as a shareholder...
31:19As a minority shareholder, Arthur.
31:21May I make one or two observations?
31:23May I make one?
31:24What about your share in the investment?
31:26Dave, I'd love to.
31:27I really would.
31:28But, uh, unfortunately, the bulk of my capital is tied up in foreign investment.
31:33Yeah, I thought it might be.
31:34But, Dave, I've been having one or two thoughts about increasing turnover in this place.
31:37Really?
31:38Creme de moth.
31:39Start serving it now.
31:40Going to be the drink of the 90s, mark my words.
31:42I will, Arthur.
31:43Frappe, of course.
31:44And, look, we need to have one of them heated cookery sections, you know, with a lot of French bread,
31:48bagels, all that.
31:50Stick some doppelgangers in them.
31:51You know, those things the Germans always shoving down their throats.
31:53Lob a bit of tomato sauce on it, you can knock them out two quid a throat.
32:00Winchester Club.
32:01Oh, hello.
32:04Yes, yes, he is.
32:07Right.
32:08Right, I'll tell him.
32:11Friendly yours, Arthur.
32:13Detective Sergeant Morley.
32:15Who wants a word with you down your car lot.
32:16Good.
32:19Don't forget those doppelgangers today.
32:23What the hell are, doppelgangers?
32:26Forty-eight hours, that's what you said.
32:27Yeah, I know, but look, why can't you wait till Anton gets here and does the road test?
32:31He's due here any time now.
32:33Don't be silly daily.
32:34I've got the cash in me pocket.
32:36But first, I want to take it out for a spin.
32:38I don't need some Frenchman to tell me to work in order.
32:40All right, but drive carefully.
32:44All right, but drive carefully.
32:56All right, doppelgangers.
32:57So, I'll take it out and remind you of the new ones, okay?
32:59What?
33:02Merde.
33:03But Arthur, it will not do.
33:05It must be rectified.
33:06But what you've done is illegal.
33:07Oh, come on, Pierre.
33:08Look, all I've done is sold a car.
33:09That's my game, isn't it?
33:11There's nothing bent about that.
33:12There is to borrow your phrase something very bent about it.
33:15Are you saying there's something hooky about these cars I've been buying from you?
33:17Oh, well, what can I tell him?
33:20I don't know.
33:21I'm going to tell you the norm.
33:24As part of common market regulations,
33:27they must be road tested by the selling agent, which is me, before being sold on.
33:32But there's no harm done.
33:33The customer's happy, I'm happy.
33:35Sam Ferry happy.
33:36I'm not happy.
33:37I'm very unhappy.
33:38Well, I don't know why.
33:38You've been paid.
33:39I've been paid.
33:40Detective Sergeant Morley's as happy as a pig in porridge.
33:43That car must be brought back to your car, Lot, so that Anton can road test it.
33:46And what if it isn't?
33:48You will get no more cars from me.
33:51You have my hotel number.
33:53Call me when you get the car back.
33:55Every day that your policeman friend is driving it, we are all breaking the law.
34:00I can't risk being closed down because of your greed.
34:03Greed?
34:04Yes, greed.
34:06Let's go.
34:07You want to know what I think, Dan?
34:11Not desperately, Mr Morley.
34:12I just want to be law-abiding.
34:14And as a police officer, you should be supporting me in that ambition.
34:16I think you're up to something.
34:17Either you've got some mug in line that paid more than I did, or you want to switch it
34:20for a lemon.
34:21Lemon?
34:21Look, I'm a car dealer, Mr Morley, not a greengrocer.
34:24It's EEC regulations.
34:26Yeah.
34:26When you told me that, I phoned up and checked it out.
34:28And?
34:28It's a load of toffee.
34:29Who said?
34:30Minister of Transport.
34:31Oh, well, they don't know anything about cars, do they?
34:33It's not, but they do know about regulations.
34:34Look, it won't take long.
34:35Pierre just wants to make sure everything's all right.
34:42The brakes work, the lights work, the horn works, the windscreen wipers work.
34:47I realise this must come as one hell of a shock to you, Daly, after all these years
34:51of selling lemons, you have finally sold a car that is in perfect working order.
34:57Cigar lighter?
35:01Cup of tea, Arthur?
35:03No, no thanks.
35:04What's up?
35:06Oh, just a little problem I've been having with Pierre.
35:08Tell me about it.
35:10No, nothing you do about it, Ray.
35:12Thanks all the same.
35:13Is it a do with the wills I brought home from Brussels?
35:16Yeah.
35:17Pierre always insists on them being road tested as soon as they get over here.
35:21Bloody Morley refuses.
35:23So Pierre's got the dead needle.
35:24He says no road test, no more discounted cars.
35:26Can you believe it?
35:28Are you saying that you don't know what Pierre's up to?
35:32I need to talk to you somewhere private.
35:34Well, this is private.
35:35No, outside.
35:36I don't want me old man hearing what I have to say to you.
35:43Dad, I won't be a minute.
35:45Arthur and I have got something to sort out.
35:47Right.
35:50Look, unless Bert's got hearing like a bat, this should do.
35:52What do you want to tell me, Arthur?
35:54Are you telling me that you and Pierre are not working this scam together?
35:58What, you mean the cars?
35:59I mean what gets carried across from Brussels that's hidden in them.
36:03I don't know what you're talking about, son.
36:06Well, whatever it is, I thought you was in on it.
36:09That's the only reason I bought the car back.
36:11I thought if Arthur's moving gear, then it's up to him.
36:14Gear?
36:14What gear?
36:20While I was waiting for Pierre to do the paperwork, he had a phone call.
36:23Giza on the other end sounded anxious.
36:25Double anxious.
36:26What about?
36:26A batch on motor.
36:28It was obviously someone who was in on the racket with Pierre.
36:30Your racket look right.
36:31What are you talking about?
36:33Pierre said to whoever it was that there was no need to worry.
36:36That you'd sent another driver over.
36:37He told him that they would follow the usual procedure and that he would send Anton over
36:41here.
36:41That it was worth a hundred grand.
36:44A hundred grand?
36:45What are they smuggling in my cars?
36:47Gold bars?
36:48I don't know.
36:49But my guess would be dope.
36:51Dope?
36:52Yeah, probably cannabis.
36:54I mean, Brussels is one of the centres for moving here.
36:57You seem very well informed.
36:59I read the right newspapers.
37:01Doesn't mean because you think I wear funny shirts that I'm totally green, Arthur.
37:04I mean, all that pep talk you give me before I went out there.
37:07Keep your mouth shut.
37:08Don't get yourself arrested on a ferry.
37:11I thought you was in on it.
37:13Are you telling me that that bloody Brussels sprout has been using my vehicles to smuggle
37:19cannabis into England?
37:20It's only a guess.
37:22I had a good look over the car on the ferry, but I couldn't see anything.
37:24And of course they happen to be road tested by him when they get here, don't they?
37:27That's when he's been lifting the stuff.
37:29He's had me for a right mug, Ray.
37:31No wonder the cars were so cheap.
37:34He could afford to give them away.
37:35Try it.
37:36This is out of order, Ray.
37:37Well, I...
37:42Detective Sergeant Morley is driving around in that car with 100 grand's worth of drugs
37:48somewhere in it.
37:53Ray, this is what we're going to do.
38:24This is what we're going to do.
38:41This is what we're going to do.
38:41This is what we're going to do.
38:42This is what we're going to do.
38:44This is what we're going to do.
38:44This is what we're going to do.
38:45This is what we're going to do.
38:45This is what we're going to do.
38:45This is what we're going to do.
38:46This is what we're going to do.
38:46This is what we're going to do.
38:47This is what we're going to do.
38:48This is what we're going to do.
38:51This is what we're going to do.
38:54This is what we're going to do.
39:16whatever he's got hidden in it Arthur it's well hidden I mean we've been all
39:19over it yeah perhaps you made a mistake Ray perhaps you misheard how Arthur
39:23there's nothing wrong with my French oh come on let's go and sort out Pierre and his
39:27time guerrilla no no Ray Ray I have a feeling they don't recognize the Marquis of Queensbury
39:31rules not even your version no come on let's get this car back before Morley discovers it's not
39:37there go on put it together again have you told the yard yes Sarge told all our own patrols yes
39:47Sarge wonder if I get permission to throw out some roadblocks over West London it's only a stolen car
39:51Sarge we're not looking for the crown jewels my crown jewels park is my crown jewels have my way of
39:57calling the SAS
39:58there it is
40:00there it is
40:00where
40:02get out of the bloody way
40:07come on dude
40:11control park it
40:13you're breaking up
40:14oh god
40:15oh god
40:16oh god
40:20coming
40:29oh god
40:30oh my god
40:34go for it Raymond
40:43who is this?
40:44get out the bloody way
41:02Hello, Mr Morley. Out for a drive?
41:04Did you...
41:06Hey, hey, hey, quite a threat.
41:07Did you see us? Did you hear us?
41:09Oh, sorry, I was listening to the radio.
41:12Did you want to get by?
41:12You've got any slower. I could have done you for illegal parking.
41:15It's been seen, Sarge.
41:33OK, go left.
41:34I'm going left. I'm going left.
41:36I'm going to go right.
41:37What?
41:37I know this area like the back of my hand.
42:02Everything all right, Mr Morley?
42:04What are you doing here?
42:06Oh, just passing. Just passing.
42:08Less than an hour ago, that motor was nicked from right outside this house.
42:13My house.
42:15No.
42:16You must have imagined it.
42:18Sitting there as good as gold.
42:20You've been overdoing it.
42:22You should take a break, Mr Morley.
42:25Have a motoring holiday.
42:32Now, my son, where have you got to?
42:36Keep your eyes on the road, Arthur, and keep going.
42:38Just keep going.
42:43Arthur, I accept that you have attempted to persuade that man Morley.
42:48I only stress, you must try harder.
42:52Much harder.
42:53My business is on the line.
42:55So is yours.
42:56Pierre, just bring the car back.
43:00And it's, how do you say, in the back.
43:04I'm relying on you, Arthur.
43:06Both.
43:07Anthony and I are relying on you.
43:26I don't know what you're looking so happy about.
43:28I reckon that Anton was measuring me up for concrete trainers.
43:32Don La Poche.
43:33Oh, no, no. Keep it English, please, Ray.
43:35No, that's what he said on the phone in Brussels.
43:37In the bag.
43:38Then he corrected himself, made a joke of it,
43:40and said, of course, in the boob.
43:42Well, we looked there.
43:43There was nothing.
43:44Just a spare wheel.
43:48The spare wheel.
43:50God, how obvious.
43:51Simple.
43:52All they do on these road tests is switch the wheel for an ordinary one.
43:55We've got to get Morley's car again.
43:57Either nick it or the wheel so that we can check it.
43:59Yeah, well, how are we going to do that?
44:01He'll be prepared after the last time.
44:02He's probably got security guards standing over the thing.
44:05I think I know a place where we can get at it.
44:07But first, we've got to pick up another wheel so we can switch them.
44:13Come on, Woody, for a nose, eh?
44:14Watch.
44:15Coming over the road, Colin.
44:17Good night.
44:18All right, I'll join you.
44:19I've got to go and go on the wall.
44:20Cheers.
44:21See you.
44:22Cool, lucky.
44:22Watch.
44:23Good spot.
44:26Good night.
44:34I think you'd better come with me, sunshine.
44:38You see, Mr. Morley, it's all part of my unique after-sales service.
44:42We were worried about the tread on the spare.
44:44I mean, it should be brand new, of course.
44:47But I don't mind telling you, I've had one or two dodgy moments with these imports.
44:50And you will not believe this, but some people actually put a really old, knackered spare in the...
45:16Knife.
45:20Hammer.
45:22Yeah, I must point out any willful damage.
45:25Nullifies the warranty.
46:11Cannabis.
46:13This is probably the happiest day of my life.
46:21You two are going to be put away.
46:25Not for a year or two, but forever.
46:29Before you do anything hasty, I would like to say something.
46:32Oh, yeah, of course you would.
46:34Stop me if I go too fast for you, Mr. Park.
46:37All I wish to point out is that when you discovered the cannabis resin, you were the legal owner of
46:44the car and all its contents.
46:48Only because you sold me the bloody thing daily.
46:52You won't get away with anything by pulling that stroke.
46:55Mr. Morley, give me a chance.
46:57Although it goes against the grain, I'm trying to help you.
46:59It obviously hasn't occurred to you that someone sold it to me.
47:11That's why your man in Brussels was so insistent on giving it a road test.
47:17You ought to go on mastermind.
47:19Ray.
47:19Look, he doesn't move drugs and I've never touched them.
47:22Blimey, I hardly ever touch alcohol.
47:23Ray.
47:25Look, Mr. Morley, although it's dead against my philosophy to assist the police with their inquiries,
47:31in this case, I'm prepared to make an exception.
47:38You won't give it long for you, will you?
47:40The owner is like a little boy with a new toy.
47:44I promised him you'd bring it back within the hour.
47:48No problem, Arthur.
47:49It's in the bag.
47:51Right.
48:09No, son, you see, there are nice little earners and nasty big earners.
48:14I run a clean business.
48:17No drugs.
48:19Let's have another one, Dave.
48:21Right.
48:22I'm a traditionalist.
48:23A large one.
48:25Right.
48:26No, no drugs.
48:27Just nicotine and alcohol.
48:29Absolutely.
48:29I mean, you've got to have some standards, hasn't you?
48:31All nicely sewn up, Arthur.
48:33I'm very grateful for your help.
48:35I'd like to buy you a drink.
48:36Oh, thanks.
48:37I'll have a St. Clement's.
48:38Mr. Morley, if you really are grateful, I'll be obliged if you keep my involvement strictly
48:42between ourselves.
48:44I don't mean strictly.
48:46As you like.
48:47Just means I'll have to take all the credit myself.
48:49Oh, what a terrible burden.
48:51So, what about a drink, then?
48:52No, no, no.
48:53Out of the question.
48:54I have to be very careful who I'm seen drinking with.
48:57I have a reputation to think of.
49:13I have a reputation to think of.
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