- 15 hours ago
First broadcast 18th September 1985.
When Arthur's tailor Solly's staff strike for more pay Solly asks Arthur to stage a burglary to prove the wages were stolen.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Patrick Malahide - Chisholm
Phil McCall - Scotch Harry
Anne Kristen - Margaret Stuart
John Bluthal - Solly Salmon
Michael Povey - D.C. Jones
Michael Sarne - Billy Beesley
David Shawyer - Benny Beesley
Anna Savva - Angie
Shevaun Briars - Nurse (as Shevaun Bryers)
David Shaughnessy - Doctor
Cleo Sylvestre - Ward Sister
Pat Roach - Painter
Paul Cooper - Ron
When Arthur's tailor Solly's staff strike for more pay Solly asks Arthur to stage a burglary to prove the wages were stolen.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Patrick Malahide - Chisholm
Phil McCall - Scotch Harry
Anne Kristen - Margaret Stuart
John Bluthal - Solly Salmon
Michael Povey - D.C. Jones
Michael Sarne - Billy Beesley
David Shawyer - Benny Beesley
Anna Savva - Angie
Shevaun Briars - Nurse (as Shevaun Bryers)
David Shaughnessy - Doctor
Cleo Sylvestre - Ward Sister
Pat Roach - Painter
Paul Cooper - Ron
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:04Hello, what's that?
00:06Oh, could you believe it?
00:07The enemy within, within our own great metropolis and all.
00:11You know, a slag heap inside.
00:12I'd lock people up like that.
00:14I'd give them hard labour.
00:15That's what I want, innit?
00:16Oh, yeah.
00:24You better walk beside me.
00:26What?
00:26On the right.
00:27On the right.
00:28Well, what do you think they're going to do, eh?
00:30Well, you never know, do you?
00:31Lumps of concrete, potatoes with razor blades in.
00:35Half of it's half a dozen girls.
00:37Oh, yeah, they're all right, are they?
00:38The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
00:41Yep, watch her.
00:42Good morning, brother.
00:43Is this the delivery, brother?
00:45I am not your brother, or your uncle, or your cousin.
00:47I am not a relation of yours at all.
00:49This is an official dispute.
00:51We're redundant.
00:52I'm not surprised if you're all on strike.
00:53All we're asking is for support from other workers like yourself.
00:57Me? A worker?
00:58I'm an employer.
00:59I'm a member of the Chamber of Commerce.
01:01No, I guarantee he's not a worker.
01:02A bit of a graft I may be, but definitely not a worker.
01:07Do I need this?
01:08Eh, Arthur, at my time of life?
01:10Flying pickets?
01:11Flying pickets?
01:12Yeah, hilarious.
01:13Come in, come in.
01:14Now they want redundancy.
01:16Look, I don't know what's happening to this country.
01:18Suddenly you can't sack a man.
01:19I'm a boss.
01:20They're the workers.
01:21I tell them what to do.
01:23Now they want to tell me.
01:24I like your suit, Arthur.
01:26And Ian, what's that?
01:28That for jogging?
01:29A marathon?
01:30I keep telling him, Solly.
01:31Don't you ever wear a suit?
01:32Huh?
01:33Weddings, funerals.
01:34Cool.
01:35Arthur and Prince Charles are the only men in the country with four suits.
01:38I bet the other geese has paid for his.
01:40Hey, Terry, look.
01:41Why don't you make us a pot of tea, eh?
01:43What are they striking about, anyway?
01:45Greed, Terry.
01:47Naked greed.
01:48Yours or theirs.
01:50You draw to the well and suddenly the well is dry.
01:54That is very true.
01:55What you need, Solly, is a rainy day.
01:58Here.
01:59Come here, let me show you something.
02:00You know what this is?
02:02This is a bespoke suit.
02:04A Savile Row suit is a gentleman suit.
02:07Ah, but you don't see gentlemen anymore.
02:08Arabs, maybe, with terraline bedspreads or schwarzers with tribal robes.
02:12But no English gentlemen.
02:14They're all ibernating in their country seats worrying about their death duties.
02:17That's what's happened to the English suit.
02:19Oh, it makes you proud to wear an English suit, doesn't it?
02:21You got yours off of Harry the Creek.
02:24Yeah, well, I mean, it's a traditional garment, isn't it?
02:26It's like national costume.
02:27Here, Arthur, come here.
02:29How would you like to buy 20 bespoke suits?
02:32But they're made for particular people, aren't they?
02:34Yeah, but you can sell anything.
02:36You're famous for it.
02:37Who's going to find a punter for this one, eh?
02:39What is it, a giant or something?
02:40Listen, there's always got to be somebody.
02:42Yeah, but look, even with my special talent, Solly, it's not going to help you.
02:44I mean, how much do you need?
02:46What I need is an act of God.
02:48Oh, no, not another fire, Solly.
02:51Flood?
02:53Pestilence?
02:54Earthquake?
02:55Oh, this is serious, Terry.
02:56Mental breakdown?
02:57That was 1974.
02:59Oh, they do reoccur.
03:00Another one, and I'll be committed forever.
03:03I've got a better idea.
03:06A burglary.
03:07I thought you'd come up with that eventually.
03:09The perfect crime.
03:10Yeah, yeah, of course.
03:11What are they going to nick?
03:1220 suits and a packet of needles?
03:14Money.
03:15Eh?
03:15Come on, I'll show you.
03:17No, I don't want to know.
03:18Not even for a joke.
03:19It is not a joke.
03:20Come on, at least look.
03:26You know about these things.
03:28Villainy, yeah?
03:30And him, he's been in prison.
03:31Yeah, and he don't want to go back again, thanks very much.
03:34Listen, what about all your crimes?
03:36Me?
03:37They weren't crimes.
03:39Financial mistakes.
03:41Misjudgments.
03:41You got the wrong blokes, I'm sorry.
03:43Listen, I'm offering a lot of money.
03:44You like one?
03:45That's it, I'm offering.
03:46No, no, no, hang on, hang on, hang on.
03:47You're the man out.
03:48I don't want to.
03:49Common courtesy.
03:50You know what this is, don't you?
03:52Conspiracy.
03:53Conspiracy is plotting.
03:54We are chatting.
03:55Yeah.
03:55Chatting about blowing his bleeding Pete up.
03:57Look, all I want is someone to break into the factory,
04:00blow up the safe.
04:02Then I'll claim that the redundancy money's gone.
04:04Oh, is that all?
04:05Mad's mad.
04:05No, no, no, no, no.
04:06He don't mean that.
04:07A small explosion.
04:08Nothing to harm anybody.
04:09Just a whimper, not a bang.
04:12See you later.
04:13Hey, you're being very impolite.
04:14And you didn't even make that cup of tea.
04:17What's the matter with him?
04:18Have I upset him?
04:19No, he don't understand your humour, Solly.
04:21I mean, I knew you were joking, but he didn't.
04:25You weren't joking.
04:26Three grand, maybe.
04:28Cash, no kites.
04:29Of course, I wouldn't want you to do it personally.
04:32I should hope not.
04:33My suggestion is that you're a sort of consultant.
04:35You recruit the experts.
04:37It's got to look good, obviously.
04:38Well, as you know, Solly, I know people.
04:41Yeah, you're like the godson.
04:42No, godfather.
04:43No, my godson, the one who's doing seven years in Parkhurst.
04:47He knew everybody.
04:48Now everybody's with him, Shiggin.
04:51You see, I know about fires.
04:53But burglaries, that is virgin territory.
04:56To me, it seems easy.
04:57Am I right?
04:58No.
04:59What happens in the morning when the old bill comes and says how much money was there in the safe?
05:02I'll tell them there was £20,000 in there.
05:05I'll even have a counterfall from the bank.
05:06And then you claim the insurance?
05:08Well, with my record, I'll try, obviously, but I don't know if I'll have much success.
05:14Listen, I've worked hard all my life.
05:16They get good wages.
05:18Am I going to give them my life savings?
05:20Oh, incidentally, the three grand is for the safe breakers.
05:23My fee will be extra.
05:25A lot extra.
05:29Why does everybody steal from me?
05:43Excuse me.
05:44How big are you?
05:46Eh?
05:47I might have something for you.
05:48What are you?
05:486'4".
05:4946 chest.
05:50Look at that.
05:51Could have been made for you.
05:52Savile Row.
05:54I'm just an ordinary painter.
05:55Oh, don't painters have suits?
05:57Don't they go out of an evening?
05:58Look, your colouring and all.
06:00Oh, yeah.
06:01Try it on.
06:02It's only 200 sobs.
06:03Yep.
06:07What did you say?
06:08I said to you, 170 sobs.
06:10Who do you think I am?
06:11David Hockney?
06:12A footballer?
06:13No, he's much smaller than you.
06:14Look, don't drip paint over it, but have a butchers at this.
06:17I think I've done my leg.
06:18Nah, you haven't.
06:20Bloody painful.
06:22Well, you might have done your cartridge.
06:23Have I?
06:25It's a funny old life, isn't it?
06:26I thought this morning when I got up, I'd get a good eight hours in on the ladder.
06:30Have a couple of sherbet's dinner time.
06:33Cheese and pickle sandwich.
06:34Nice.
06:35I wasn't thinking about my spring wardrobe.
06:38And then some idiot tried to sell me a Savile Row suit when I'm 12 foot up a ladder.
06:41Opportunity is a fleeting thing.
06:43Remember Fleming when he discovered penicillin?
06:45He was up a ladder at the time, was he?
06:47I don't think anyone ever checked that.
06:48Look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
06:49150 sobs.
06:50This could be your lucky day.
06:52No.
06:53It's your lucky day.
06:54If my leg was okay, I'd kick you from here till next week.
06:58I'll tell you this.
06:58You'll tell you this.
06:59You'd probably prefer a pinstripe or something like that.
07:01Yeah, you're right.
07:01I'll see you at Austin Reeds.
07:03Don't go under the ladder.
07:04Bad luck.
07:11Bongo's behind the ramp, Dave.
07:12Who's that bloke on the ladder?
07:14This place's a bit coy, like that.
07:16Oriental Bazaar.
07:17Oh, there's one there for you.
07:18What are you, 42?
07:19I know, thanks, Arthur.
07:20I've still got that Terralimo hair you sold me last year.
07:24No, that was a steal.
07:25Yeah.
07:25I know, the bloke who stole it.
07:28I wish to tell you, your power's over there, and has he got a yump?
07:32Why?
07:33What'd he say?
07:33Nothing much.
07:34Arthur Larger.
07:36Those were his very words.
07:37He didn't even have a go at you, and that's unusual.
07:48I need your help.
07:50Yes, I understand your views.
07:52I'm not asking you to break in with a sawn-off shotgun.
07:55But you do know some unemployed thieves, and they're all having a bad time, too.
07:59Scrimping and scraping.
08:00No self-respect.
08:01A thief would have anything to do with it.
08:02That is where you're wrong, my son.
08:04I don't want a self-respecting one.
08:06They come in all sizes, you know.
08:08Down-market ones, sleazy ones, pathetic ones.
08:12Beasley.
08:13What, and his brother?
08:15They're nice lads.
08:16They turned over the Oxfam shop a couple of months ago.
08:18Is that sleazy enough for you?
08:20Do you know what you're getting into?
08:22Nothing.
08:22Just helping out an old friend.
08:24Oh, I've got a blow.
08:30God, what was that?
08:31Some geezer fell off a ladder.
08:32Again?
08:33Again?
08:40No, we don't do a lot now.
08:41Since we got into catering.
08:43It's our new image.
08:44Yeah, I like to see young men striking out on their own.
08:46Well, no staff, see?
08:49Staff still.
08:50Nobody gets behind a jump.
08:51Know what I mean?
08:52Yeah, family firm.
08:53Well, not them.
08:54They're even worse.
08:56No.
08:56Your mum, she's the greatest friend in life.
08:59I love her.
09:00Benny's the same.
09:01I'd do anything for her.
09:02Of course you would.
09:03Well, my mum's been cleaning for people all her life.
09:06Houses, shops.
09:07Picks up things.
09:09Know what I mean?
09:10It's in her nature.
09:11Nothing wrong with her sweeping.
09:13But even though she's my own mum,
09:15she don't sweep around a Jack and Jill.
09:18Well, it's too tempting, isn't it?
09:19All the background and everything.
09:21That's very thoughtful, Billy.
09:22Well, I am a thoughtful man.
09:25That's why I'm a bit concerned about Solly's factory.
09:29How do you know it is?
09:31Fires and floods are safe.
09:33It's only a question of time, wouldn't it?
09:36We're talking about a specialist now.
09:38Gelignite.
09:39That's tricky stuff, isn't it?
09:41How about your mum?
09:42She's a bit light-fingered off her,
09:44but she ain't a thief.
09:46That was my little joke, Billy.
09:48I know, I know.
09:49I know she's a jewel.
09:51A jewel?
09:51You're right there.
09:52I'll drink to that.
09:57Talking about drinking,
09:59here's your specialist.
10:00Oh, my God.
10:02Scotch Harry.
10:03A pathetic petty pilfer or a bag snatcher?
10:06This is great, eh?
10:08All tired, is he?
10:10Hey, isn't it magic, this place?
10:12I heard you were running it, boys.
10:14I never realised you're patrons at Arthur daily.
10:17Well, he drops him for his teeth, hasn't he?
10:20Great to see you, Arthur.
10:21I was just telling Arthur about when you were an Ace Peter man.
10:25You must have known that, Arthur.
10:27I was the governor.
10:29Plastic jelly of thermal lances.
10:31I was the bizzo.
10:32Oh, I did my time in that game.
10:34Any chance of a ham roll?
10:35I told you, didn't I?
10:36Games and tea.
10:37Yeah, I'd done all the bikes in Glasgow.
10:39I was famous before I was 25.
10:42Anyhow, what's the strength of this, eh?
10:43But you haven't done it for a while?
10:45It's in my bones.
10:47I was up for a big silver bullion job.
10:50Only I never had a suit.
10:52Well, I could have helped you there.
10:53Oh, could do with a suit.
10:55But don't look after you have clothes.
10:58Who?
10:59I've been away.
11:01That's why you haven't seen me for a while.
11:0316 months.
11:04Nah, no bother to me.
11:05I can do that in my head.
11:06I'm just out.
11:06When?
11:07And now, the smart man.
11:09See you, chaps.
11:11Oi, snap.
11:12Forget it.
11:13I'm off.
11:14The man's only come out of the booth half an hour ago.
11:16That doesn't exactly inspire confidence, does it?
11:18Yeah, but he's hungry, isn't he?
11:19And he's keen, and he's cheap.
11:21What else do you want?
11:23What's that car in here?
11:24Do you want to work, Harry?
11:26I'm brand new.
11:27I've got a lot of lovin' to do.
11:29How?
11:29What are we gonna do?
11:30You're the master, my daughter.
11:32No, I am not.
11:32And don't you never, ever say that.
11:34I just might put some work your way.
11:37Never even seen you.
11:46Where are they going?
11:48Fees, they're sold.
11:49They're not worth anything.
11:50We're the only ones who make them work.
11:53Yeah, well, Arthur Taley brought them here, make them work.
11:55So the governor's really done it, eh?
11:56We've worked for him for five years.
11:58Good stuff as well.
12:00I'm sorry, I'm just a hired hand, all right?
12:04Most of us are.
12:12The girls reckon they're not worth anything, these.
12:15If Arthur doesn't sell them, I'll buy them back.
12:17I'll be back in business in a couple of months.
12:19I thought you were gonna retire.
12:21Retire?
12:22Where would I go to?
12:23Hove?
12:24Brighton?
12:25Sit in a hotel lounge?
12:27TV room?
12:28I am a doer, Terry, not a sitter.
12:30I don't want to be rich.
12:32That's for young men when they've still got ambition.
12:34Well, I haven't got it.
12:35Well, maybe you're lucky.
12:37Or wise.
12:38Yeah.
12:39Did Arthur tell you about tonight?
12:41No, he didn't.
12:42And I don't want you to either.
12:43In that case, stumm.
13:22What's that?
13:24Scissors.
13:24My mum would like them.
13:26Go on, let's get busy.
13:38So you've done this before, eh, Harry?
13:40I told you.
13:41Better know.
13:42Look, these old safes are the doddle.
13:45I hope they remember to put the door inside.
13:48Three grand.
13:50Well, you do one every night, be laughing.
13:52That's how it's off, right?
13:55Yeah.
14:09I am a people policeman.
14:11My role is preventive rather than detentive.
14:16Look, I'm trying to close the club, Mr. Chisholm.
14:19Well, you people don't understand policemen.
14:24No.
14:27Look at the environment I have to live in.
14:29Bloody tarts.
14:32Pimps.
14:33Grasses.
14:34Rapists.
14:35Muggers.
14:37Transvestites.
14:38No wonder I have to have a drink occasionally.
14:40You certainly had a few tonight.
14:43Get a blanket.
14:49Hold on.
14:53Right.
14:54Like that.
14:55Yeah, it's better.
14:58Yeah.
15:06I'm sorry.
15:10Is that all right, Lennon?
15:11Yeah, I'll be too.
15:15Dodge it here.
15:17Very nice.
15:18It's all right.
15:19I'll be too.
15:20Hey.
15:20Oh, that's choice.
15:21Stand back, lads.
15:22Right.
15:23Yeah.
15:27It's just a wee muffled bang.
15:30Nothing to worry about.
15:37Is that it?
15:38No sweat.
15:40Why are the wee wires?
15:44I think we're right.
15:45Oh, wait a minute.
15:45Let's go back.
15:46Yeah, now.
15:48I'll get this wee bit here.
16:00Harry.
16:02He ain't brown bread, is he?
16:05Flotsam and jetsam.
16:06I know, but a good act.
16:08Oh, life.
16:09I'll tell you something.
16:12Good on this straightforward to god villain
16:14and be a breath of fresh air.
16:17That's got to be your taxi, Mr. Chisholm.
16:20Yeah.
16:25Give him five with him.
16:27Allow me.
16:31This is not a bribe.
16:34Certainly not.
16:36Save him off, would you tell?
16:42Come on.
16:43This way.
16:43Go on, dear.
16:45You just took a wrong turning in life, McKen.
16:48You didn't help, did you?
16:51Community policing.
16:54I should bar him.
16:55He upsets people.
16:56Yeah, especially when they're discussing business.
16:58Don't want him here, Olin.
17:08Oi!
17:09Get him out of there.
17:10It's your mate in there.
17:11Eh?
17:12It's your mate in!
17:13You've got another one of your pals with us.
17:15Now, this is down to half, all right?
17:17Come on, mate.
17:20Oi!
17:21Oi!
17:24Arthur!
17:27Scott Harry!
17:27He is definitely barred.
17:29What's he doing here?
17:32Oh, Struth.
17:34Come on, son.
17:35Come on.
17:36Come on.
17:37What the hell?
17:37Get him in the car.
17:38Get him in the car.
17:38What?
17:39Get him in the car.
17:39Are you all right?
17:40Come on.
17:41Up the door.
17:41That's it.
17:42That's it.
17:42Oh, God.
17:42It's all right, son.
17:43Stay off.
17:44Just get in the car and drive, will you?
17:45Where?
17:46Where?
17:46There.
17:46Look.
17:54I hope he don't die in the motor.
17:57That's bad luck.
17:58Really bad luck for him, isn't it?
18:00Is he breathing?
18:01Well, can you see?
18:03Oh, God, he's blind.
18:04What did you do, for God's sake?
18:06Hold on, hold on.
18:08Well, it must have been different, Jerry.
18:11The new stuff, hell of a bang.
18:12Oh, great.
18:13But at least you got the dough.
18:16I said at least you got the dough.
18:19Wouldn't he, olden?
18:20We've done the business of the dough, wouldn't he, budge?
18:22He needs a doctor, you know.
18:23I need a doctor.
18:24Do you hear what he just said?
18:25You can open a 50-year-old safe with a tin opener.
18:28That dough's still in there.
18:29I can see again.
18:31Oh, it's a miracle.
18:32Oh, it's my hanky.
18:33Oh, thank God for that, because I wasn't going to have a whip around for a guide dog.
18:35Listen, we've got to get him to the hospital.
18:37I can't take him to the hospital.
18:38I'm a known person round here.
18:40I'll give the kids presents at Christmas at the hospital.
18:43But you can tell him you've brought in Santa Claus, can't you?
18:46Look, he's got a burnt boat, not a white beard.
18:49No, I'll tell you what we'll do.
18:50We'll dump him on a skip.
18:51What?
18:52No, no, no.
18:52We'll leave him somewhere, not necessarily a skip,
18:55make him comfortable, and then get on the trombone for an ambulance.
18:58Get me a priest.
18:59Eh?
19:00Nothing.
19:00Of course not.
19:01But you've got a better deal.
19:03And if you're going to die, you know how you do it.
19:05I feel a five-course pizzle.
19:08You don't know who's running that gaff up there.
19:10I just want your hair to my base.
19:12No, no, no.
19:12You can't pretend...
19:13Oh, this is marvellous, isn't it?
19:14The greatest crisis of my life,
19:16and we've got a theological discussion going on.
19:18I'm dying, you know.
19:19Get him off me!
19:20Get him off me!
19:21He's in a coma!
19:22Get him off me!
19:23No, he ain't.
19:23He's all right.
19:24He's trying to strike at you, that's all.
19:27You all right, son?
19:28I could really do with that drink.
19:30Oh, in that case, you're definitely not going to die, are you?
19:33Oh, can people not die and drink at the same time?
19:36Oh, near a drink for 16 months.
19:39I'm a born-again drinker.
19:41Listen, son.
19:42Whatever happens, you don't remember anything, right?
19:45Your name, your address, where you came from, nothing.
19:47I know the score.
19:49When I go to work, I'm the man from nowhere.
19:53I'm a pro.
19:55A busy old pro.
19:56You and your mates, you'll gas-meter thieves.
19:58That's the trouble in this country today.
20:00You can't find a good, honest-to-god, decent, professional thief anymore.
20:04You've all gone to live in bloody Spain.
20:07Nurse!
20:08Nurse!
20:08Excuse me.
20:10In the name of God, what's happened to him?
20:12Well, I don't really know.
20:13I just found him outside, you know.
20:15I'm just sitting down there now for a minute.
20:17Are you all right, mate?
20:17Go on.
20:18There you go.
20:20It's Terry, isn't it?
20:22Well, yeah.
20:22You're always in here.
20:23You must get yourself into an awful lot of scrapes.
20:26No, no, no, no.
20:27Not me, no.
20:28It must be a different Terry.
20:30I'll see to him in a second.
20:34Now, another thing.
20:35You don't know me, all right?
20:36I know the deal.
20:37All right.
20:38I'll tell you one thing.
20:40The wife will be worried.
20:42She should be told, yeah.
20:44But if anything happens, you never know it.
20:47Now, you'll be all right.
20:48Fifteen-franco house, you know it.
20:50Yeah.
20:51Yeah, you'll be fine.
20:52You'll be fine.
20:53Aye, aye.
20:54Just in case the old ticket or whatever.
20:58Tell Arthur I'm sorry.
20:59I'll see you.
21:00You're a pal.
21:02You're wrong, mate.
21:03Oh, God, that's so...
21:14Uh, where's your friend?
21:19Uh...
21:19Now, now, what's your name?
21:28Uh...
21:32You took your time.
21:34Couldn't leave him on the floor, could I?
21:35Why not?
21:37One of the nurses recognised me.
21:40Oh, my God, no.
21:42Well, that's it, isn't it?
21:43I mean, that's what happens when you're nice to people.
21:46We'll be up the steps in no time.
21:48I'm not going to have it.
21:49Not with my reputation.
21:50Hurting doors will go mad.
21:52Could you imagine that?
21:54Oh, no.
21:54It'll be a Spanish number.
21:56I'll be with all the others.
21:57All the others?
21:58You haven't got that sort of dough.
21:59I'll manage.
22:00Don't worry.
22:02No, no, no, no, no.
22:02Go straight on.
22:03Why?
22:03Where are we going?
22:05She's got our as missus.
22:06What?
22:06No, we're not.
22:08Well, she's got to be told, hasn't she?
22:09She'll read it in the papers.
22:12You're all art, you are, aren't you?
22:13Women are strange.
22:15They get excited.
22:16They can't handle the old bill.
22:17They say things.
22:22Well, it's nothing to do with me.
22:23I mean, it's your gang.
22:24Don't you ever call it a gang.
22:26It's a loose collection of inadequate individuals.
22:47Who is it?
22:48Oh, Mrs. Stewart.
22:50Aye.
22:51Oh, I'm a friend of Harry's.
22:52Who?
22:54Harry, your husband.
22:57He thought you might be worried when he didn't come home after he'd come out of prison.
23:01How do you mean?
23:03Well, he came out this morning.
23:04I didn't even know he was in the jail.
23:07Well, you must have noticed he wasn't here.
23:08Hey, mister, I haven't seen him for eight years.
23:11Eight years?
23:13Well, weren't you a bit worried?
23:15Well, I was for about a year.
23:18I mean, he only went out for a can of lager.
23:21Mind you, he never was a reliable man.
23:24What's he been up to?
23:26Oh, a bit of this, a bit of that.
23:28Aye, that's him.
23:29Is that why you woke me up at four o'clock?
23:31Well, no, the thing is, he's had an accident.
23:34Anything serious?
23:36I mean, terminal?
23:37No, no, no, I don't think so.
23:39You win a few, you lose a few, eh, son?
23:42Yeah.
23:44Well, I've given you the message anyway, all right?
23:47Yes, you did.
23:48And here's one for him.
23:50Tell him he owes me ten grand maintenance, and he can drop dead as well.
23:54Good night, son.
24:04Headache, gov?
24:05Certainly not.
24:10It's out late in that well-known den of thieves, the Winchester Club.
24:15Socializing?
24:16Would I?
24:1824-hour cop with me.
24:20Even when I'm asleep, I'm thinking.
24:23And vice versa, eh, gov?
24:24Celtic humour doesn't travel, Jones.
24:26Very witty with the sheep, not too clever in the metropolis.
24:30Why don't you try out your silver tongue with these balsy strikers?
24:34They're not suspects, are they?
24:35Who knows?
24:37In this life of ours, everything is suspect.
24:51Daddy.
24:52What you have here, Mr Salmon, is a shambles.
24:55This is the work of incompetent gas-meter thieves.
24:59Rank amateurs.
25:00Not even experts, eh?
25:02Why should they be experts?
25:05Why not?
25:06Why?
25:07Well, this isn't exactly the most inviting premises on the manor, is it?
25:10Why have a go at this place?
25:12How much did they get?
25:13I don't know.
25:14They didn't open it.
25:15Used enough jelly.
25:24Oh, very professional.
25:29Hmm.
25:30They've even incinerated the booty.
25:32How much, should you say?
25:33Uh, 20,000 pounds.
25:37Really?
25:38Probably more.
25:40Ashes to ashes.
25:43Doesn't look like 20,000 ashes to me.
25:46Who else knew you were carrying that kind of dough?
25:48Nobody.
25:49Clients?
25:50Reps?
25:51Friends?
25:52No, I swear to you.
25:54Strikers?
25:54Who knows?
25:55I don't know.
25:57Mess.
25:58In it, gov.
26:00Got the names.
26:01What do they have to say?
26:03Not much.
26:04No visitors for several days.
26:06One blog from the Union.
26:08Oh, and a couple of old friends of ours.
26:10Who?
26:12Who?
26:13Delian McCann.
26:15Well, well, well.
26:17Oh, you didn't tell me that, Mr Salmon, did you?
26:20Terry and Arthur.
26:20Oh, I didn't tell you that.
26:22Friends of yours, are they?
26:24Well, not friends.
26:26Not real friends.
26:30Suddenly I see blue skies.
26:33Sunlight on the horizon.
26:34Not their style, though, Gav.
26:36I mean safe-breaking.
26:37Why not?
26:38Safes contain money, it's so fact, though.
26:41Sir Arthur Daly, what's the matter with you?
26:42Look, Arthur wouldn't go to all that trouble.
26:45Now, now, Mr Salmon, your business is tailoring.
26:48Mine is the criminal mind.
26:51Very eloquent, Gav.
26:54I see, too.
26:55It's good.
26:55Hey.
27:07So, I'll let you know.
27:11I'll let you know.
27:11I'll let you know.
27:12прек 69, let's go.
27:12I'll let you know.
27:18Keep the car.
27:19Backbar, freshener.
27:20Have a great day.
27:21Yikes.
27:27Hello, Arthur.
27:31All a mess off, Arthur.
27:33Very droll.
27:35You two scarpered off pretty sharpish?
27:37Well beyond my bedtime, mate.
27:40See you, dead.
27:41Scrocherry.
27:42How do I know?
27:42Man's a health hazard.
27:44Damage your brain.
27:45Expert, you said.
27:46You couldn't open a kid's money box.
27:47Well, what about dough?
27:49Dough?
27:49You want money as well?
27:50It's still in the safe, isn't it?
27:52I've scotch harry grasses.
27:54We're all done for a three-year stretch, at least.
27:57What about you?
27:58What about me?
27:58I didn't do it.
27:59We agreed that from the start.
28:01You're not suggesting that I...
28:02Yeah.
28:03What, your own face?
28:04Hey, hey, hey, steady, steady.
28:07You threatening me.
28:08You owe us off.
28:11Go easy on the threads.
28:14Sorry, Arthur.
28:16I'll have a word with Solly.
28:18But if I don't have high hopes.
28:21Well, that's not enough.
28:22What else can I say?
28:24You fancy a couple of suits?
28:27You might be surprised now.
28:29He looks like the invincible man.
28:32You mean the invisible man?
28:34Whatever you fancy, Sergeant.
28:36Quite ill.
28:39Oh, don't worry.
28:40We won't disturb him.
28:41It's just a question of identity.
28:42We don't have a name.
28:44He wouldn't say.
28:46The burns suggest an explosion.
28:49Irish.
28:50He certainly is not.
28:51Look at him.
29:02Can I hear?
29:04Oh, yes.
29:07Well, sir, what have we got here?
29:09What are you, eh?
29:10A safe breaker or an urban terrorist?
29:13Can we talk?
29:14Possible.
29:16Do we have an address?
29:22Foreigner, is he?
29:23Who knows, Sergeant Chisholm?
29:28I know him.
29:30It's their minces.
29:32I can't see him.
29:33I can't hear him.
29:35But there's an aura of wickedness.
29:39Copper's instinct.
29:40He's a wrong'un.
29:42You're amazing, Guff.
29:44Have you taken a piss?
29:47Lord, Guff?
29:48Did I do that?
29:49Well, we can confirm my view by taking his dabs.
29:52All right, Doctor?
29:53I'm afraid not.
29:53His hands have been dressed.
29:55Well, undress them, then.
29:56It is my professional view.
29:57Yeah, yeah.
29:58They all say that.
29:59Unless their houses have just been turned over.
30:01Oh, sorry.
30:05Well, what about his clothes?
30:06They were in tatters.
30:07I put them in the incinerator.
30:09No ID?
30:11No, nothing.
30:16I know you, pal.
30:18Seen those eyes.
30:22Aye.
30:22I've seen them, too.
30:25It was one of those Walt Disney nature films when a coyote was trapped.
30:33We'll be back, my old friend.
30:35And we won't be bringing any grapes.
30:40Thank you, Doctor.
30:41Nurse.
30:46How did he get here?
30:47Not under his own steam.
30:49Oh, sure?
30:49He was in a terrible state.
30:51Hands and knees.
30:52No, somebody helped him.
30:55Yes?
30:57Just a man.
30:57He said he met him in the street.
30:59And who was this, uh, good Samaritan?
31:02Well, I wouldn't know his full name.
31:04But I've seen him around.
31:05Oh.
31:07Yes?
31:08He's called Terry.
31:10Well, well, well.
31:12About 2,000 Terrys on this manor.
31:14For some reason, one particular Terry leaps to the mind.
31:17And, of course, you'd recognize him if you saw him again, wouldn't you?
31:21Well, I suppose so.
31:22Has he done something wrong?
31:24Oh, all the time, my dear.
31:26A person known to the police, as they say?
31:28Jones.
31:35Terry.
31:37It's a very popular name.
31:38Oh, yes, indeed.
31:41You haven't been in here for a while, have you?
31:44Always happens.
31:46What?
31:47The same faces.
31:49In this manor, there must be, what, 300 of them?
31:53The real rascals.
31:55This was a police state, and thank God we don't live in one.
31:59I could put those 300 behind bars.
32:03But you are protected.
32:05By rules and laws.
32:08Arrest procedures.
32:10Habeas corpus and all that cobblers.
32:13I hear you're in a safe breaking now.
32:17Me?
32:17Could I phrase that better?
32:20I understand you were hanging around a clothing factory yesterday.
32:24Yeah, that's right.
32:24Yeah, I was collecting a few sewing machines.
32:27That was earlier.
32:29You see?
32:30That's what happens with your unfortunate history.
32:34You were in the frame.
32:36For what?
32:37You know.
32:39No, I don't.
32:41By the course you didn't know there was 20 grand in the safe, did you?
32:44Well, not a bloody hell suit I know, eh?
32:46Oh, dear.
32:47Oh, dear.
32:48We're not getting violent, are we?
32:50Is that a violent act, Mr Jones?
32:52A bit impolite, I say.
32:53Yeah, very.
32:58Well, can I go yet?
33:00You must be joking.
33:05Oh, didn't I tell you about the hospital?
33:07I've got a very good description of you from an accident victim.
33:10Who's who?
33:13A witness.
33:16I see you, er...
33:18You mean you don't know his name?
33:22Oh, Mr Chis...
33:23Mr Jones, I mean, I...
33:25I don't know why you're asking me all these questions about last night.
33:29Safe break in robbery, all that stuff.
33:32I mean, I've got the best alibi in the world, haven't I?
33:35Such as?
33:36I was with you, Mr Chisholm.
33:38Don't you remember?
33:40At a Winchester Club, having a bit of afters.
33:42You, me, half a day...
33:43Oh.
33:44Oh, incidentally, you do know that you owe Arthur a fiver, don't you?
33:49That is a private matter.
33:51Oh, of course.
33:51I just thought I'd mention it, you know, while we're chatting.
33:59You got a fiver?
34:01Aye.
34:01Aye.
34:05To him?
34:06Yes, yes.
34:11Bit of a turn-up, innit, eh?
34:13I mean, usually it's the suspect who's corrupting the whole bill, innit?
34:16Usually.
34:16No, no, I'm sorry.
34:17Sorry.
34:19Um, anyway, what were you chatting about, eh?
34:32No, no, no, no, I'm not going in.
34:34Oh, that's typical, innit?
34:36He's your mate, but now I'm getting all the hassle off of Chisholm.
34:38Yeah, but you're in a clear.
34:40Listen, he's still going to want a body, innit?
34:43We can't guarantee on Harry, can we?
34:45What?
34:45He's pure gold, like one of our own.
34:48Exactly.
34:50Now, you wait here.
34:53Wait.
35:00You're questioning my bottle?
35:02Yes.
35:03Have I ever let you down?
35:04Yes.
35:06I'll give you five minutes.
35:08You stay there.
35:10I suppose you get captured.
35:11You stay.
35:15Wait!
35:16Stay!
35:17Turn around!
35:53Oh, nurse.
35:54Sister.
35:55Oh, sorry.
35:56Um, listen, my cousin's in here.
35:58I think that's him.
36:00How is he?
36:02Much better.
36:03Perhaps you can tell us his name.
36:04He seems to have a speech problem.
36:07Yeah, yeah, actually, he's had that since he was a kid.
36:10It's, um, Roland.
36:12Roland Brown.
36:14Brown?
36:14Yeah, that's right.
36:15Um, can he move about?
36:17Can he walk?
36:18Of course he can.
36:19Of course he can.
36:19He'll be fine in a few days.
36:20Oh, that's smashing.
36:21Thanks a lot.
36:28Are you Harry?
36:30Hi.
36:31How are you?
36:32I'm Magic.
36:33It's great to see you.
36:34Listen, do you feel up to doing a runner?
36:36Oh, you know me.
36:37I'm game for anything.
36:38Nothing.
36:39I need some clothes in the cupboard in the corridor.
36:41All right.
36:57Oh.
36:58What you doing here?
36:59Are they flogging off the beds?
37:01No, no, Mr. Chisholm.
37:02Just doing one of my usual good deeds, you know.
37:05Early indoors visiting a sick neighbour.
37:07Nice drink last night, eh?
37:09No hangover, I hope?
37:10No.
37:13Oh, you don't mind a chance to happen to have my fibre, do you?
37:16I gave it to the can.
37:18Oh, you sure?
37:19Oh, I'm not a joke.
37:25What's he up to, eh?
37:26Well, you'll never know when I'll sit here.
37:29Take that Welsh smirk off your face and all.
37:52Go on a sec.
37:53There you go.
37:54Good boy.
37:55All right?
37:56God, what's happened to his hands?
37:57What happened to you?
37:58Hey, nice suit.
37:59Get him in there.
38:00In the back.
38:00Go on.
38:00Go on.
38:01Go on.
38:01Go on.
38:02Go on.
38:03All right, Harry?
38:11He'll probably come back.
38:13Why?
38:14They all come back at tea time.
38:17I've heard about places like this.
38:19They take off wrong legs, misplaced gallbladders, and apparently you're going to lose a patient.
38:23Thank God he wasn't ill.
38:24Come on, Jones.
38:28It's just up here on the left, number 15.
38:30Right, right.
38:30Well, look, look, you dwell here a moment, and I'll, um, I'll just charm her.
38:34You're kidding, aren't you?
38:35No, you leave this to me.
38:36Go on.
38:36Run, come on.
38:37Go on.
38:49Mrs. Stewart, I have some good news for you.
38:51A shock may be, but good news.
38:53Are you the man for the papers?
38:55I said Bengal!
38:56Almost, my dear.
38:57Almost.
38:58Me, hen!
39:00God help us.
39:01What is it?
39:02That's what I thought you'd say.
39:03Home is a sailor.
39:04Home from the sea.
39:05The hunter home from the hell.
39:06Is it some awful disease?
39:08Look, get him away from me.
39:09Don't go over the top, Harry.
39:10Is it catching?
39:12It's no skibis or anything like that, is it?
39:15No, he's all right, honestly.
39:22My eight weeks.
39:25There's no staying here, is it?
39:26Look, your bloody arm.
39:28It is my home, isn't it?
39:29Eight years.
39:30It's still my home.
39:32She's never satisfied.
39:34See, I mean, I've furnished this whole place.
39:36Yeah, all right, Harry.
39:37The best years of my life were spent here.
39:38Case off his rocker.
39:40The best years of his life were spent in Barlinny, the Scrubs, and his bootmakers with shops.
39:45She's no memory of the magic moments.
39:48Do you know, remember me as a young, dashing, tall guy?
39:51It's their bandages.
39:52He's always been that size.
39:54Listen, listen.
39:54Look, look.
39:55Let's just all calm down, all right?
39:56What a good idea.
39:57Come on, sit in your favourite easy check.
39:59I've never had one.
40:00Sit in that one.
40:00Come on.
40:01Now, when the bell goes, come out fighting.
40:03See, sit does not.
40:04Not yet, Harry.
40:06Now, look, Mr. Stewart, the thing is, he wants to stay here for at least a few days.
40:10The point is, if he goes down the street, he's going to be captured.
40:13And he's not the only one involved.
40:14There are others, like Terry and me.
40:17Now, the moment the bandages come off, Bob's your uncle.
40:20He's as innocent as the next man.
40:21And the other thing is, when he was in the hospital, he kept calling out for you.
40:26It was very moving, wasn't it, Terry?
40:28Yeah, yeah.
40:29That's why I came round last night.
40:31I'm that moved.
40:32Did you call out for me, Harry?
40:34I often do, hen.
40:37She's the bizzal, yeah?
40:40Right, what's in it for me?
40:42Oh, these are my friends.
40:44You're pathetic.
40:45Look, you'll be protecting your own husband.
40:47As I said, what's in it for me?
40:49If he's that valuable, there must be a price.
40:52Look, hen, you're bargaining for my body.
40:55What is it they call it?
40:57Blackmail?
40:58You tell her, Arthur.
41:00We don't do this.
41:01In the underworld, we've got a code.
41:03Is that right?
41:04Aye.
41:05Let's talk money.
41:06Now I realise why I left her.
41:09She's worse than my barker.
41:11Look, Harry is not a wealthy man.
41:12It's all right for you.
41:14I mean, there's the food and I've got the flat to arrange.
41:18And what about Susie?
41:20Susie who?
41:20Your married daughter.
41:23Oh, aye.
41:23Oh, that's Susie.
41:24Well, obviously, I'll give you a couple of bob for the food.
41:27Two bob, eh?
41:28I want, well, 300.
41:32What do you call that blackmail?
41:34Is that all I'm worth?
41:36Well, what, then?
41:39Don't you be intimidated by these people.
41:41That's it, I'm off.
41:42It's not my problem.
41:43Well, they're threatening me.
41:44No, they're not.
41:45See, he's bottling out.
41:47No, I'm not.
41:47I'm going, that's all.
41:49It's not my problem.
41:50Yeah, and I'm coming with you.
41:51No, you're not.
41:53I'm out of pocket.
41:55For all I know, I could be grotesquely disfigured.
41:58You used to be a handsome man, you know.
42:00Never in a million years.
42:01And don't you forget, I personally rescued you from Mr. Plod.
42:04Do what?
42:04Not to say bringing you back your ever-loving wife that you deserted eight years ago.
42:08And Susie.
42:08If this was This Is Your Life, they'd be cheering and crying and giving you a red book.
42:11Never mind that, I'd done the bizzo on that safe.
42:15That is the whole point.
42:16You did not do the bizzo.
42:17That is why we're in this messo.
42:18Look, dear, I'll see you get enough dough to give him all the mince and totties and porridge that he
42:22can eat.
42:22You caught me flying in, you're all the same.
42:25Are you going to let him get away with us?
42:27I'm not too steady in my pens.
42:29Get.
42:31Where's my dough?
42:32Oh, shush, Harry.
42:33My grand.
42:34Be out of yourself.
42:35Oh, blow that whistle.
42:39I'm not kidding, Doctor.
42:40What was all that about the code of the underworld in there, then?
42:43Oh, that was just for her.
42:44It's not true.
42:45Not anymore, anyway.
42:47I mean, Billy and Benny.
42:48Big grass had me, wouldn't they?
42:49No, no, no.
42:50I've heard they were very loyal boys.
42:52Oh, come on, eh?
42:54A couple of drinks and I'd do anything, but I'm dead sober now.
42:59See, in that hospital, I nearly had ten heart attacks.
43:03Chisholm, snuffing around, and he knows me.
43:06My time of life, I couldn't handle another bit of porridge.
43:10I wouldn't blow the whistle, but Christ, I need that money.
43:14Yeah, but a grand.
43:16You've always got a good wedge on you, Arthur.
43:19Just to show her, I've still got a little respect, eh?
43:23You're a big man, Arthur.
43:26No, I've got 500, and that is all.
43:29We are now quits, right?
43:31Oh, you're a great man, Arthur.
43:34You'll feel better for this.
43:47You know what I think?
43:48That little Scotchman turned me over.
43:51Well, I think it was the most decent thing you've done for years.
43:55You would think that, wouldn't you?
43:57Hmm.
44:05No sign of the invisible man, eh, Griff?
44:07We'll have had him away.
44:09We've got no proof, though, have we?
44:11They might have to find some, if you take my meaning.
44:17The patient disappears from a well-known hospital.
44:20Can't tolerate that.
44:22What have we next?
44:23Body snatching?
44:25That block on here, I know he got Daly and McCann.
44:28I read somewhere that there's a thriving business in spare parts for surgeons.
44:34Makes you think, doesn't it?
44:36It makes you think, Jones.
44:37I'm all for that.
44:49Well, well, well.
44:56What do you reckon, then, girl?
44:58Well, you're at it.
44:59Obvious.
45:00In cahoots.
45:03But these are no longer your property, Solly.
45:05Did you give me cash?
45:06You had my bond.
45:07Yeah, but did you give me cash?
45:08That is immaterial.
45:09Cash is simply a token.
45:11I didn't even have a token.
45:12You took care of them for a night.
45:14And what a night.
45:14I lost money, peace of mind.
45:16Don't talk to me about money.
45:18I'm well out.
45:18I had to pay...
45:21Well, then, forget it.
45:22And we need these sewing machines.
45:24She was your enemy yesterday.
45:2624 hours is a long time in tailoring.
45:28You know you get money from the government?
45:30Enterprise, they say.
45:32They'll do anything to stop you joining a doll queue.
45:34And anyway, Mr. Simon's putting up his own money as well.
45:37Where'd you get that, then?
45:3817 grand, my life savings.
45:40Maybe I owe it to the girls, eh?
45:42Maybe you owe a few other people too, Solly.
45:44All in good time.
45:45We've got to get on our feet.
45:47Modernised premises.
45:48Fresh thinking.
45:49Like a collective.
45:51Yeah.
45:51You know.
45:52Co-op.
45:54Co-op, Solly?
45:55That is communism.
46:15Turned out nice again, innit?
46:23Look, Adam.
46:25Latent.
46:28I've been thinking of...
46:29Oh, not again.
46:30What's in it for us, eh?
46:33No money stolen.
46:34No circumstantial or forensic evidence.
46:37The prime witness has disappeared,
46:38and the victim seems very friendly with the suspect.
46:46All I'm saying is this.
46:48Who bloody cares?
46:51Yeah, sudden.
46:54Sudden.
46:57P sinaas, leos, leos.
46:59Oh
Comments