- 19 minutes ago
First broadcast 18th February 1993.
After Ray has criticized Arthur's running of the company as out of date and former business rival 'Hapless' has extolled the joys of retirement, Arthur decides to pack it in.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Sidney Livingstone - Bert
John Normington - Hapless
Liz Fraser - Delilah
Helen Masters - Janice
Colin Farrell - Alf
Lewis George - Bechers
Nigel Gregory - Harold
Debbi Blythe - Stella
Andrew Bailey - Pete
Gordon Winter - Lenny
Mark McKenna - Colin
Geoffrey Larder - Flash
John Halstead - Norman
Max Murray Burrows - Young Boy
Philip Childs - D. S. Harris
Robert Demeger - Monty
After Ray has criticized Arthur's running of the company as out of date and former business rival 'Hapless' has extolled the joys of retirement, Arthur decides to pack it in.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Sidney Livingstone - Bert
John Normington - Hapless
Liz Fraser - Delilah
Helen Masters - Janice
Colin Farrell - Alf
Lewis George - Bechers
Nigel Gregory - Harold
Debbi Blythe - Stella
Andrew Bailey - Pete
Gordon Winter - Lenny
Mark McKenna - Colin
Geoffrey Larder - Flash
John Halstead - Norman
Max Murray Burrows - Young Boy
Philip Childs - D. S. Harris
Robert Demeger - Monty
Category
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TVTranscript
00:01Ray, you got Fat Alph's number around somewhere?
00:04Yeah, what's up?
00:05I've been running a bit late.
00:07Slight Contratorm and Nick the Greek over that van I sold him earlier.
00:10Yeah, but I checked that van. It was in prime condition.
00:13Yeah, two prime, Ray.
00:14I got Lenny to take the engine out and swap it for something more in keeping with the bodywork.
00:17After Nick the Greek to buy it?
00:19Well, there you are. He looked under the bonnet.
00:20Anyway, his concern was aesthetic. I don't know what he's complaining about.
00:23Here we go. Fat Alph. 965.
00:25965.
00:263060.
00:273060, tough.
00:30Ray, I sometimes consider the division of labour in this establishment,
00:34and I wonder if it's been fairly apportioned.
00:36This is important, Arthur.
00:38But if we could drag daily enterprises out of the dark ages,
00:41we'd both be able to take it a bit more easier.
00:43Could you really take it a bit more easier
00:45and justify getting out of bed in the morning?
00:47Arthur, we need to adapt.
00:48I know you think the way you run things is state of the art,
00:51but times are changing. We've got to keep up with the competition.
00:54That means proper organisation, planning, strategies.
00:57We need to...
00:58You've got that look in your eye. You're going to ask for a computer again.
01:01The answer is still no.
01:02I will not have this fair building turned into a video arcade.
01:05Arthur, we could expand the business and take the pressure off all at the same time.
01:09I mean, look at you careering about all over the place. It's not good for you.
01:12This job is nothing to do with computers or technology.
01:15It is to do with a personal touch.
01:17You make contact with your customer, understand their needs
01:21and then flog them something they could well do without.
01:23Yeah, but Arthur...
01:24Instead, you undermine all the principles that daily enterprises is based upon.
01:28If you want me, I'm with Fat Alf.
01:29I'm going via Winchester for breakfast.
01:45One full house. One gut busted with extra sausage in the fried slice.
01:50Here we are, sir.
01:53Al, have you ever thought of starting a vegetarian line?
01:56Oh, please, Arthur. I'm not in the mood.
01:58Well, what's the matter?
01:59Well, it's that mixer.
02:00Multi-purpose food processor.
02:02Yeah.
02:03What's wrong with it?
02:04Well, it's all right till you...
02:05and you, like, switch it off.
02:07Here, come and have a look at my kitchen.
02:15Here, look at this.
02:21Come in, come in, come in, come in.
02:21G-H-I.
02:25Outgoings.
02:26Right.
02:33Arthur.
02:35Have you tried running it on a slow speed?
02:37It's still too fast, Arthur.
02:39Look what it's done to my spats.
02:41Beautiful.
02:42What?
02:43Look, you don't understand the intricacies of a machine, Alf.
02:46The right tool for the right job. You must remember that.
02:48You could suck these through a straw.
02:51Puree.
02:51That's all a rage.
02:53And on, what's his name, bossy man, he does his like that.
02:55Nouveau cuisine.
02:56That's not what Atlas reckons.
02:58Atlas Harry?
02:59What's he got to do with it?
03:00He come in for his breakfast.
03:02He's been abroad.
03:03Wanted a change for more institutes and croissants.
03:05And he said the potatoes were runny.
03:07Atlas is hardly renowned for his gastronomic expertise, is he, Alf?
03:11You forget, Arthur.
03:12He's rubbing shoulders with the top notch these days.
03:15It's nothing but the best for him,
03:17and that includes where he eats.
03:18And he says these potatoes were runny.
03:21And this is the same Atlas who put himself in hospital
03:23after consuming a family-sized tube of tomato puree on toast.
03:27Well, we all have our hard times, Arthur.
03:29But you don't know how he's come on.
03:31So you keep telling me.
03:32You see, what you don't understand, Alf,
03:34is I am a practising businessman.
03:36I experience the business lunch.
03:38A mash like you're preparing in there is de-rigger these days.
03:41Bund some polythene sheets on the wall and release your creativity.
03:45Part of the reason I suggested this office revamp
03:47was so we'd be more efficient
03:48and we wouldn't have to go dashing about all over the place.
03:51Do you think Arthur would be keen to lighten the load?
03:53Yeah, well, he does like to be in the thick of things, Ray.
03:57Yeah, Atlas was only saying that this morning.
03:59Atlas? Who's he?
04:00Atlas Harry White.
04:02He used to work around here.
04:03The working disaster area.
04:05Then he has a bit of luck.
04:07He has one big deal, sells out and takes early retirement.
04:11Never done nothing for a whole year, he reckons.
04:12Never felt better.
04:14He hoped to see Arthur this morning.
04:15Give him the name of two or three hundred other people
04:17Arthur's doing business with today.
04:18Yeah, well, he said he might pop back later.
04:20Yeah, well, he can get in a queue behind me.
04:31Yeah, well done.
04:36Ready?
04:37Morning, Arthur.
04:39Sorry I'm late.
04:40My previous crime.
04:42You want to watch it, eh, dashing about?
04:44What happened to Jimmy Charles?
04:45One minute he's there, fit as a fiddle, large as life,
04:49nipping from one job to another, the next, kaput.
04:52He was hit by a bus.
04:53He had his mind on other things, Arthur.
04:55I'll bear that in mind when I'm crossing the road in future.
04:57Listen, do you want any more of those air freshings?
04:59I will, actually, but not the lavender.
05:01Apparently it clings to the clothes, doesn't it?
05:02Upsets the mystic press.
05:04How about the car alarms?
05:05I meant to have a word with you about that.
05:06There's a problem there.
05:08If you wire them in according to the instructions,
05:10all the bits of metal on the car will go live.
05:12Natural repellent.
05:13I'll order you a couple more.
05:15Look, while I'm here, could you have a listen to the motor?
05:16He's making a funny noise.
05:18He's getting in that sort of age, Arthur.
05:20Atlas says that's why he buys new every 18 months.
05:22Atlas? Was he here?
05:24He wanted me to check the oil on his new motor.
05:26Have you seen him?
05:27I'm beginning to feel I have.
05:29Is he showing any signs of indigestion?
05:31Not that I noticed.
05:33You should see his new vehicle, Arthur.
05:35Very tasty.
05:36Has he got a new sidecar?
05:37Nah, that's long gone.
05:38You know he's retired.
05:40Yeah, I did hear something.
05:42He's done all right for himself.
05:43You know, I really admire people like him.
05:46Give me someone to model yourself on, don't you reckon?
05:48So I said, I said, I said, signorini, do you think that I came on a cruise just to look
05:56at the ocean?
06:00Arthur, you made it.
06:01Dave?
06:02Arthur, nice to see you.
06:04Let me get you a drink.
06:05Oh, thanks, Atlas.
06:07Dave, the same again.
06:09Well, you're looking well, Arthur.
06:11Yeah, plodding along, you know.
06:12Business still thriving?
06:14Expanding as ever.
06:15Let me tell you something, Arthur.
06:16You think you have a busy time when you're working, but you just wait until you stop.
06:20Two different cruises and a tour of the Dutch battlefields, all in six months, Arthur.
06:25Oh, it's a hard life, but somebody's got to do it.
06:27I've been telling Atlas, Arthur, you have never been busier.
06:30Quality is its own advertisement, Dave.
06:32I admire you, Arthur.
06:34I really do.
06:34The willpower to carry on.
06:37I often think of you, you know, when I'm playing a game of tennis or I'm off visiting somewhere.
06:42I think how we started together, selling stuff on a street corner, one eye out for the law,
06:48and the punishing hours, the worries, the pressures.
06:52Mind you, I always had my boy Kevin to hand over the business to, whereas you and your good lady...
06:57You earned it, Atlas.
06:59You enjoy it.
07:00Yeah, well, I won't mind swapping a couple of days in Wilson for a cruise round the Norwegian field to
07:04tell you.
07:04Oh, beautiful, Ray.
07:05You sit on the deck with a glass of bubbly in your hand and you think, I have arrived.
07:10Well, it was hard work, but every drop of sweat was worth it because this is my reward.
07:16I never fancied it myself.
07:18I'm off to the Bahamas.
07:20Why?
07:21The QE2.
07:22I did think of popping round a med or nipping over to the land of the midnight sun, but when
07:26all's said and done,
07:28when you're going to leave terra firma behind you for a few months, you might as well have the best.
07:31A few months?
07:33After Tora Bolinas, you said you'd never go on holiday again.
07:36That was not a holiday day.
07:38And neither is this.
07:39Well, you ain't done a deal out there, have you, Arthur?
07:42Nothing so complicated, Ray.
07:43No, it's quite simple.
07:46Like Aplis here, I have decided the time has come for me to enjoy the fruits of my labour.
07:51Yeah, well, I always maintain you need a break once in a while, Arthur.
07:54No, you're not getting my drift, Dave.
07:56This is not a break.
07:57I am handing the business over to my boy, Ray.
08:00My heir.
08:02You what?
08:02Ray has already carried out extensive modernisation and computerisation, Aplis.
08:06He is all set to propel daily enterprises into the 21st century.
08:11Yeah, but Arthur, you never said that.
08:12I'll just bash on with a cruise.
08:13And I thought I might make an investigation about a possible property on the costa.
08:17But, Arthur, you hate abroad.
08:20You're handing over, Arthur.
08:22A transfer of my business interest, Dave.
08:25So that I can enjoy life as befits an ex-chief of industry.
08:28Oh, well, if you want some advice, Arthur, the cruise.
08:32Oh, that's very kind of you, Aplis.
08:33But I gather you travel below the waterline.
08:35The first-class passenger has his own regime.
08:38You're travelling first class?
08:40Of necessity.
08:41I'm afraid the good living has made my body go soft.
08:44Arthur, do you know what you're saying?
08:45Yeah.
08:46Early retirement, Ray.
08:47The big payoff.
08:48Come on, this is a wind-up, innit?
08:49No, no, no.
08:50I understand you're nervous.
08:51I mean, a business empire like daily enterprises.
08:54Richard Branson would have his work cut out.
08:56But I am confident you can do it.
08:58I mean, you can't just give, give, give all the time, can you, Aplis?
09:01There comes a time when you have to cry,
09:02Enough, I demand recompense.
09:05Well, get them in, Dave.
09:06I'd like to mark the occasion.
09:08Or do you all have to get up early in the morning?
09:11Same here, Dave.
09:13Lovely.
09:13Brandy, please go.
09:14Lovely.
09:21Oh, thank God.
09:23I've had Alf on the phone all morning about that mixer.
09:25Oh, sorry, Ray, it's nothing to do with me.
09:27What?
09:27I'm a man of leisure now.
09:29The business is your concern.
09:31Which reminds me, although I didn't expect a tearful acceptance speech,
09:35I did feel a few words of gratitude might have been in order.
09:38I can't be serious.
09:39Ray, daily enterprises did not acquire its present eye standing overnight.
09:43You can't be serious about packing it in.
09:45Yeah, I just come to get one or two things,
09:47and then I'm off down to travel agents.
09:49Look, Aplis got your back up, saying what a great life he was having.
09:52I understand, but there's no need to see it through.
09:54Well, it's true, Ray.
09:56I did find Aplis very irritating.
09:58I mean, to be lectured at by a man who is to free enterprise
10:01what a Veruca is to a swimming pool was very irritating.
10:05Now, Ray, I've been thinking.
10:07There's a lot of freedom and overindulgence out there,
10:10and I, of all people, have paid the price of admission.
10:13What about the cars? The flats?
10:15Well, I assume with your qualifications and your apprenticeship here,
10:18you cop for the lot.
10:20Of course, if you don't think...
10:21No, I'm not saying I can't manage.
10:22Well, then.
10:23It's just so sudden.
10:25Ray, I'll give you a couple of pointers.
10:27I'm only a phone call away, except when I'm in Barbados,
10:30and I'd rather you didn't use the office blower then.
10:32You'll regret it, Arthur.
10:34Raymond, I assure you I know exactly what I'm doing.
10:37Of course, if you have any doubts about your own ability to cope...
10:40Of course I can cope.
10:41You know, I've been dying for a bit more responsibility.
10:44Well, as long as you're confident, Ray.
11:09Good afternoon.
11:11Ray Daly.
11:12Managing director.
11:33Gazzar.
11:34Yeah, Ray Daly here, mate.
11:35You still on the lookout for some of them old beta tapes?
11:39Yeah, we're looking at our records.
11:40I think we just might be able to supply you.
11:41Yeah, if you still need them.
11:44Yeah, lovely.
11:44What, this afternoon?
11:46Yeah, nice one, girl.
11:47All right, I'll catch you later.
11:49Bye.
11:53No, I'm sorry, sir, that one's full as well.
11:56The earliest for the QE2 would be a month.
11:58Oh, and I was hoping for something about the middle of next week.
12:01Oh.
12:03Well, there's this.
12:05The latest in transatlantic sophistication, the Davy Jones,
12:09is 27,000 tonnes of unadulterated luxury.
12:13220 cabins, a restaurant on each deck,
12:15and for the person that likes adventure on the high seas, three casinos.
12:19Yeah, I take it the, er, casinos have en suite bar facilities?
12:37I did knock, but you can't have heard me.
12:40Well, it's always an open house here, Mr, erm...
12:42Brook.
12:43Mr Brook, what can I do for you?
12:45I need to see Arthur.
12:47Well, erm, can't I help?
12:48I doubt it.
12:50Have we done business before?
12:51I'm only here because I've exhausted all the other possibilities.
12:56Well, times are tough, Mr Brook.
12:58But not so tough that I can't afford to turn away difficult customers.
13:02Arthur supplied a miniature Venus de Milo to a colleague of mine several years ago.
13:07I want to know if he's got any left.
13:11It's for a close friend.
13:17I can't help noticing there's an awful lot of medical facilities on board.
13:21Yes, that's right, sir.
13:22Is there something I should know?
13:25They're all proper doctors.
13:26They have their certificates up in the surgery.
13:28No, the point I'm trying to make is the crew's life, as I understand it, is one of unurried
13:34relaxation.
13:35Seems odd to find emergency ward 10 on every deck.
13:38There's nothing to worry about, sir.
13:41The number of deaths at sea is precisely in keeping with the national average.
13:44Oh.
13:45It's more of a precaution, really.
13:46As you don't see land for a week or two, it's nice to know it's there if you need it.
13:51Quite.
13:52Yeah.
13:54Yeah, I'm sorry it's a bit dusty.
13:55I'm amazed you could find it.
13:57I reckon Arthur doesn't know what he's sitting on half the time.
13:59Yeah, well, I'm modernising off his procedure at the moment.
14:02Arthur daily change.
14:03Where did you say he was, by the way?
14:05I didn't.
14:06Arthur's taken an early retirement, actually.
14:08I'm in charge now.
14:10Get away.
14:18Sailing from Portsmouth Friday morning.
14:21I'll take it.
14:22I don't think you'll be disappointed.
14:24I should hope not at these prices.
14:26They're the room supplements.
14:29Ah.
14:30Could you...
14:31Would you mind giving me a total cost?
14:34The whole thing, cos I have to get a banker's...
14:35What's name?
14:36Sure.
14:37It's...
14:39It's 4,400...
14:41Yeah, yeah.
14:42I'm...
14:42I'm in the general area.
14:44Of course, if you want to go first class, it's slightly more.
14:46What do you mean?
14:47The way it's worked out,
14:48Mrs. Daly is entitled to a 20% discount as a second passenger.
14:52So that adds another...
14:53Mrs. Daly?
14:55Oh, I'm sorry.
14:56I...
14:56I had assumed...
14:57Oh, no.
14:57It's all right.
14:59I hadn't thought.
15:00Hello, Pete.
15:01It's Gerry.
15:02I've got another job coming up.
15:05That's right.
15:06No rest for the wicked.
15:09Mmm.
15:10I have nothing against cruises as such.
15:11It's just a question of finding the right one.
15:13Well, I thought you wanted for nothing on them ships.
15:16That's the problem, Dave.
15:17It's like Selfridges at sea.
15:19Her indoors will come over all unnecessary once she sees the temptations they lay before you.
15:23Ah, she'd probably get bored with all that.
15:25I mean, once the novelty wears off...
15:26Dave, she is a lady of voracious appetite.
15:28We'd be insolvent long before that happened.
15:31So are we going?
15:32Yeah.
15:32Thanks, Dave.
15:33Have you spoken to her indoors?
15:35See what she fancies?
15:36No.
15:36She is, as yet, ignorant of my intentions.
15:39Oh, you have told her you're taking the early bath.
15:42Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:42She's well aware of that.
15:43It's amazing how she's warm to the idea.
15:47Probably glad to have you around, Arthur.
15:50Let's face it, you are on here at home.
15:53I did assume that side of things would stay the same.
15:56That's the whole point of being retired.
15:58You cleared the deck so that you and your best beloved can enjoy a bit of time together.
16:04Whack a small one in there, Dave.
16:06The clock's ticking.
16:08Oh, wow.
16:11That's perfect, Ray.
16:12I only picked up myself yesterday.
16:14But as soon as I saw it, I thought of you.
16:16Still needs a bit of work done to it, though.
16:19It's exactly what we want.
16:21Do you reckon it'll stand some more dinting, you know, and still go?
16:24Of course it will, Colin.
16:26Well, the engine itself's as good as new.
16:28The rest of the guys will love it.
16:31Rolling up to gigs in this.
16:36Wicked.
16:36What do you call yourself these days, Cole?
16:38Death Slayers of the Apocalypse.
16:41Catchy, isn't it?
16:42Yeah, it trips off the tongue.
16:44Now, you know it's only cash, Colin.
16:45No trouble.
16:46How much was it?
16:47300?
16:48450.
16:49Oh.
16:52Yeah, I thought you had a mower to fix.
16:54Hardly seems worth it now.
16:56Can I do anything?
16:58How do you mean?
16:59Well, round here.
17:00I am a shareholder, after all.
17:01You ain't paid for all your shares yet.
17:03When I've worked out the extent of my investment return, Dave.
17:08Arthur, are you getting twitchy already?
17:11What do you mean?
17:13Retirement blues.
17:14Certainly not.
17:15I don't know why I didn't give up years ago.
17:18Freedom, no worries, marvellous.
17:21No, I do happen to have a little time on my hands, and it did occur to me I might
17:24have a look at reorganizing this place.
17:27Reorganizing?
17:27Yeah, improving the image, updating the decor.
17:31I know where I can get a warehouse clearance of new barstools.
17:34Arthur, you are supposed to have packed it in.
17:37Besides, the place looks fine.
17:39All right, I'm just offering my services on a consultative basis.
17:41Yeah, I don't want to be ungrateful, Arthur, but we do not need any new gear.
17:45What about outside?
17:47I know where I can get a load of neon lettering cheap.
17:51Trouble is, they've got no W's.
17:52Still, they've got a few M's, so we can get round there.
17:54Leave it out, Arthur.
17:55I mean, I know you're trying to help, but I'd rather do it my own way.
17:58All right, Dave, all right.
18:00That's your attitude?
18:01I mean, I've not been personal, Arthur.
18:02I did imagine that while I was not out enjoying myself,
18:05I could help those less fortunate than me.
18:07But since you seem determined to go it alone, so be it.
18:12I shall give myself over to the good life full time
18:14with the clear conscience that I have offered.
18:41Oh, my God.
18:43You've been turned over.
18:45Arthur, I thought you'd be on your way by now.
18:47How can you be so calm? Why didn't you give me a call?
18:49What's the matter?
18:51The stop, Ray. You must have an accurate note of everything you've got.
18:54Otherwise, how are you going to know when somebody's half-inched it?
18:56Arthur, I've sold it.
18:58You've done what?
19:00Yeah, things ain't gone too badly lately.
19:02I've cleared 40% of the stock,
19:03done three cars up the lot,
19:04plus one I bought in specially for a targeted customer.
19:07Targeted?
19:08Yeah, I've also been down that local college,
19:09giving out flyers on the flats.
19:11Well, so far, I've had 123 replies.
19:13We've only got three properties.
19:15Well, there shouldn't be a problem filling them, should it?
19:17Raymond, you're not spreading yourself a bit too thinly, are you?
19:20I want to make a strong start, Arthur.
19:22I'm putting together a computer database
19:24of every transaction we've done since I got here,
19:26and I'm following that up with some secondary pitching.
19:29Here, I hope you're getting cash.
19:31It's all right.
19:37Ooh!
19:38Don't flash it around.
19:41Well, I'm delighted you're managing relatively well, Ray.
19:44I'm pleased my basic instincts were right.
19:46I'm not going to let you down, Arthur.
19:49Anyway, how about you?
19:50What are you doing still here?
19:51Oh, there was a bit of itch on the sailing front.
19:53Suffice it to say other arrangements are being made.
19:56I just thought I'd pop in and check everything's OK.
20:01You missing it, Arthur?
20:02No, no.
20:03Couldn't be further from the truth.
20:05Ray, I have found another world outside of work.
20:09Yeah, what have you been up to?
20:10Oh, this and that.
20:11A rich tapestry of activities.
20:13The trouble is finding the time to fit them all in.
20:17PHONE RINGS
20:20Hello, Daly into your...
20:22Fiona!
20:23Yeah, yeah, it's Ray.
20:25Now, listen, right, you still running those keep-fit classes,
20:27only I've got some very puck of leisure wear just coming.
20:30Yeah?
20:31Well, any colour you like.
20:34Look, hold on a minute, Fiona.
20:35Here, Arthur, you're going to be down in Winchester later, aren't you?
20:37I'd better crack on, you know.
20:38Yeah, I might see you later.
20:40I'm going to be very busy this afternoon.
20:42Yeah, you, uh, carry on.
20:44Fiona, yeah.
20:46Forty percent?
20:50It's all in there.
20:57Don't stare.
20:58It's in the back bedroom, and there are no alarms.
21:01You sure?
21:02No, it's a wild guess.
21:04I thought I'd take the risk of you and me doing some time.
21:06Yeah.
21:07Sorry, Peaches.
21:09Er, Jerry.
21:10Jerry.
21:11Not in public, eh?
21:13Walls have ears and all that.
21:15Sorry.
21:16Now, just get everything you can.
21:17I'll sort it out later.
21:24Hello, Bert.
21:26I thought it was you.
21:27I was just parting.
21:28Arthur, how's things?
21:29Oh, all right.
21:31Up to the point, you know.
21:33Well, mostly.
21:35What's up?
21:38Bert, would you say I was a fair boss?
21:40You know, when I was working.
21:42Now, be honest.
21:43Perfectly honest.
21:45Well...
21:45No.
21:47In the circumstances, Bert, that's a very insensitive comment.
21:51Still, you're retired now.
21:52Your boy Ray is wreaking the most terrible revenge.
21:55He hasn't let you down, has he?
21:57No, quite the reverse.
21:58He's got the Midas touch.
21:59And he's rubbing my nose in it.
22:02How about these autograph tables, Matt South?
22:04Oh, yeah.
22:06Great side in it, eh?
22:07Banks, Peters, Charlton, Eusebio.
22:11Wait a minute, Eusebio didn't play for England.
22:15Nor did Fanny Blankers, Cohen.
22:18Yeah, I'll be honest with you, Alf.
22:19There's been a slight problem, though.
22:21The printer went wrong.
22:22I'm willing to knock off, uh, 10%.
22:2430.
22:27Okay.
22:29Suddenly stopping work leaves a big gap.
22:32You need hobby like this to fill in.
22:34Well, given that the cruise is on hold,
22:36and none of my hips needs replacing,
22:38I'll try anything, Bert.
22:40That's the spirit.
22:42You're getting all worked up about Ray
22:44because you've got nothing better to do.
22:47He thinks the world of you, Arthur.
22:49He wouldn't want to upset you.
22:51I wish he'd succeed less, obviously.
22:53Oh.
22:54A few hours of this, and your cares will just float away.
22:56How long?
22:58This is it.
23:01It's no use to me.
23:02Arthur always takes whatever I've got.
23:04You've got a lot of stuff here, Flash,
23:05but he's not going to use it all, is he?
23:07He takes what I've got, what I think he can use.
23:10Well, how do you work that out?
23:12I know him.
23:16Now, what about this?
23:17You don't want that.
23:18Will you stop telling me what I do and don't want?
23:20Now, is it for Sam?
23:21It's no good to you.
23:21Look, how much do you want?
23:23Twenty?
23:23Thirty?
23:24Thirty-five, actually.
23:28Thirty-five.
23:32What happens if you catch something?
23:34How do you mean?
23:35Well, do they have a resident expert in attendance
23:37who knows about fish and tells you what to do?
23:40It is not the winning, it's the taking part, Arthur.
23:44How many days do you have to fail before you consider you had enough?
23:47Aren't you enjoying this?
23:49Well, nothing happens, Bert.
23:51Except you get cold.
23:53No, I'm sorry, I'm grateful for your attempt, but no, no.
23:57The battle between man and cod is not for me.
23:59Oh, well, if you're sure.
24:01I think I'll just have another half hour.
24:04I'll find my own way back.
24:06You'll be home in twenty minutes.
24:12How'd you cast off again?
24:20Need a hand, Ray?
24:21Arthur.
24:22You get that from Flash, Eric?
24:23What are you doing here?
24:25That's not the sort of thing that usually puts my way.
24:27Well, he's not putting it your way, is he?
24:29I chose it.
24:30I've got someone in mind, all right?
24:33As your day turns sour, Ray, you're getting that look you sometimes get.
24:36My day is fine.
24:37It's not all brightness and light, the world of commerce, you know.
24:40Everything's great, Arthur.
24:41Now, what do you want?
24:42Nothing.
24:43You carry on.
24:48Well, you're looking for something.
24:50No, I'm just making my space.
24:51You what?
24:52You won't know I'm here.
24:54When won't I know you're here?
24:56Well, I need a few days, Ray.
24:58It's a plan.
25:00The twilight years.
25:01That contemplative morning on a riverbank was a non-starter.
25:04And when I'm at home, her indoors keeps giving me jobs to do as soon as I sit down.
25:09Besides, I expect you like a bit of company.
25:13You carry on.
25:15Don't mind me.
25:18You won't know I'm here.
25:24What do you mean, you don't want it?
25:26I've got it specially.
25:27I've laid out cash for it.
25:30No, you told me you wanted a fake fur sofa.
25:32Well, it's here awaiting your collection.
25:36Do what?
25:37You should have thought about the base rate before you ordered it.
25:42Yes?
25:44Nothing.
25:46I heard you tut.
25:47No, no.
25:48Clearing my throat.
25:50Arthur, you were tutting.
25:52Oh, me mother.
25:54Tell me what's wrong.
25:55You're the boss, Ray.
25:58It would be unforgivable of me to comment on any of the gaffes you make.
26:02Especially with your confidence at such a low ebb after the table mats debacle.
26:06You said you wouldn't mention that again.
26:08I knew I shouldn't have told you.
26:09We all learn from our mistakes, Ray.
26:12But there comes a time when you've got to stop learning.
26:14To be a mine of business acumen after the fact,
26:18whilst in a state of financial ruin, is not a desirable situation.
26:22I had a definite order on this sofa.
26:25But you did not get cash up front.
26:27Yeah, but...
26:27Or you would not have gone the colour you did while you were having a conversation.
26:31You've got to learn who's reliable, Ray.
26:33The geezer I was speaking to has never let me down before.
26:36Well, how could he? It was his first deal.
26:38You've been listening.
26:39I haven't.
26:40Well, how could you know that, then?
26:42Instinct. I could tell by the pauses that he had never traded before.
26:45What am I supposed to do? I've got to keep things moving.
26:48Ray, a gallon of syrup of figs would not move that sofa.
26:52Yeah, Arthur!
26:54One person in a million wants something like that.
26:56And when they change their minds, you should have been guided by Flash.
27:00What? He wanted to palm off an old church pew to me.
27:03He knows what sells. And he's reliable.
27:06Well, how can I tell that?
27:08You look him in the eye, Ray. That's how you can tell.
27:16Nothing too wonderful.
27:22This must be worth a few, Bob.
27:24What are you doing? That needs laying off.
27:27Had you heard Arthur Daly had retired?
27:29No. So what?
27:31I've never liked him much, you know.
27:40Norman, what are you doing here?
27:41Oh, hello, Arthur. I'm just bringing some stuff round for Ray.
27:45I gather you've taken the early option, Arthur.
27:47That is correct.
27:48I do envy you. I wish I could wind it all up, relax a bit.
27:52You've become a slave to your job without knowing, Norman.
27:54And it's only when it's all stopped, you realise how much more there is in life.
27:58What you got?
27:59Oh, they're these special tension relievers from America.
28:03You bang them on your forehead, and they've got this special cooling gel inside.
28:07Does the job. I've had a try.
28:09How much?
28:10Can I discuss this with you? No, you're...
28:12Please, Norman. I still have a vested interest in a firm.
28:15I wanna.
28:16How many you got?
28:16That's cost. You bang them out a fiver apiece, you're laughing.
28:20Oh, Norman. Sorry I'm late, mate.
28:23Where you been?
28:24I'd like to run some gear over to Jono's.
28:26Well, that shouldn't have taken you five minutes.
28:27Well, I couldn't find him, could I?
28:29It's Tuesday, isn't it?
28:30Yeah.
28:30Well, it'd be a race course.
28:32No, no, no. I think you'll find that's Thursday.
28:35Tuesday is a snookerall.
28:36That's right, Arthur.
28:38I don't know where you store it all.
28:46Why'd you do that?
28:48Do what?
28:49You know, very well, the winking.
28:50I was not winking.
28:51When we was negotiating the deal, you was winking, Arthur.
28:54One wink for low, two winks for even Lara.
28:56I slushed it out.
28:57Well, thank God for that.
28:57Well, I wish you wouldn't.
28:59I was getting there.
29:00You were about to accept his opener.
29:02Arthur, I was testing him out.
29:03I mean, what do you think I am, stupid?
29:04Look, look, I was only acting as a safety net.
29:06Well, there was no need to.
29:07I mean, what are you still doing there anyway?
29:09I thought you had loads to do.
29:10You just can't leave it alone, can you?
29:12Look, look, look, Ray.
29:13I hardly think a slight facial tick constitutes involvement.
29:16I knew from the start you couldn't cope without a worker,
29:19and now you're proving it.
29:20You're not going to lose your temper because you're having a bad run.
29:22I'm not having a bad run.
29:22It's you breathing down my neck.
29:24I can't think.
29:24I can't believe your ingratitude.
29:27When I could be off enjoying myself, I'd stay close by
29:29to be of comfort to you in your first testing days,
29:32and this is how you say thank you.
29:33You're hanging around because you've got nothing to do.
29:35You're at a loose end.
29:36Loose end?
29:37Look, I've got a whole diary full of leisure activities.
29:40Yeah?
29:40And since you're so lacking in gratitude,
29:41I shall go and take advantage of it.
29:43Good.
29:44Yeah, Arthur.
29:51Maybe it was a wrong decision.
29:54Absolutely not, Bert.
29:55I do not make those.
29:56No, it's a question of expectation and reality
29:59being further apart than I imagined.
30:02And I did not expect Ray to spur my attempts
30:05to cosset him through the opening rounds.
30:07I'm telling you, Arthur,
30:08you've got to find something to do with your time
30:10so you're not thinking about work every five minutes.
30:14How about some of this?
30:16A nice allotment.
30:17It's very soothing.
30:19No, I imagine this requires more physical effort
30:21than I'm prepared to provide.
30:24Besides, if you can't dig them up washed and chopped,
30:26I'm not interested.
30:27I said to Ray I thought you were being a bit hasty.
30:30Hasty does not come into it, Bert.
30:32I just haven't found my niche, that is all.
30:37What you need is an outing.
30:42I don't want you to breathe a word of this to Arthur, Dave.
30:45No problem, Ray.
30:46I don't believe it.
30:47It started so well.
30:49Everything's coming apart at the seams.
30:51I'm buying stuff I can't get rid of,
30:52deals are falling through,
30:53and if it hadn't been for Arthur,
30:55I'd have brought a load of grit away over the odds.
30:57Well, you've got to learn who's who, Ray.
30:59Who's trust?
31:00That's what Arthur said, but how can you?
31:02It's so hard to tell.
31:03It takes years.
31:04You'll get there.
31:05Thanks for the vote, Dave.
31:07I'm just not Arthur Daly.
31:08Well, how could you be?
31:09I threw away the mould with Arthur.
31:11Nevertheless, you are a Daly.
31:13You do what you think is right,
31:15and you stick with him.
31:26You sure about this, Bert?
31:28Arthur, it is exactly the thing you were looking for.
31:36How do you do?
31:37My name's Harold Cleet.
31:38I'm looking for Arthur.
31:39Well, Arthur doesn't work here any more.
31:40Can I help you?
31:41Are you in charge?
31:42Are you running things?
31:43Yeah, that's right.
31:43This is your lucky day.
31:47You pay your membership every year, Arthur,
31:50and then you get entry to all the stately homes and what not.
31:53It's free.
31:54This is more like it, Bert.
31:55You know, I was beginning to have serious doubts about this retirement, Lark.
31:59Well, there's hundreds of places you can check out.
32:01I've always been interested in this country's heritage.
32:04They say that if you can understand the present,
32:07you can make sense of the past.
32:10That's very true, yeah.
32:12Where should we start?
32:13Well, you suppose I've got a bar?
32:14Oh, fair.
32:15Go on.
32:17It's costume stuff, but it's nice, sparkly, you know.
32:20I don't usually deal in a...
32:22Arthur always took it.
32:24Look, I'll tell you what, the whole lot's 75 quid.
32:27Salary turn.
32:28It's just above cost.
32:31You'd make a killing if you'd move even half of it.
32:3450.
32:36How can you sleep nights?
32:39All right.
32:42I had no idea they were such entrepreneurs, Bert.
32:45I mean, all this, and they own half London as well.
32:48Well, gentry did as they pleased in them days, Arthur.
32:52There weren't no TV.
32:53And when they got bored...
32:54Yeah, please, spare me the details, Bert.
32:57I've seen a four-poster, I can guess the rest.
33:01You'd better be making tracks, I've got to work tonight.
33:03Absolutely.
33:04Let's have a look at this Chinese thing over here.
33:12Hello.
33:14What can I do for you?
33:15Oh, it's all right, it's nothing important.
33:17I was passing, so I thought I'd drop in.
33:20Arthur sometimes has one or two things I'm interested in.
33:23Anything in particular?
33:24No, not really.
33:25Odds and ends, trinkets, jewellery.
33:29Come in.
33:31It's pretty marvellous, isn't it?
33:33What?
33:34These things.
33:35Maze.
33:36I mean, a handful of privet and a contorted mind,
33:39and you've got hours of entertainment.
33:40Yeah, well, I think I've had me quota, Arthur.
33:42I told Dorian I was just popping down the allotment till tea time.
33:45Well, we'll soon be on our way, Bert.
33:47Down this way.
33:48I think it's this way, Arthur.
33:49No, I think you'll find it this way, Bert.
33:51No, I am certain it's this way.
33:53Look, I don't want to bring up things that should be long forgotten,
33:55but remember that seven-and-a-half-hour drive to Bridlington?
33:59You always have to mention that, don't you?
34:01You were going on to Dorian about it only last week.
34:12Sorry to bother you.
34:13That costume stuff, I left half of it in the car.
34:16Well, thank you very much.
34:17That's very public-spirited of you.
34:20No, not Ray.
34:21We did negotiate on the basis of what you saw.
34:24Another twenty for this.
34:27Yeah, but I don't think I'll get that much interest for this, like Harold.
34:30Fifteen.
34:32Well, since we do have such a long tradition of business.
34:35All right.
34:40Oh, my God.
34:41We've done it again.
34:42We? We've done it.
34:43This is no time to shirk your responsibilities, Bert.
34:46If you hadn't suggested it, we wouldn't have come out here in the first place.
34:51Bert, Bert, conserve your energy.
34:53It's useless.
34:54We're going to be here for days.
34:55Oh, Dorian will kill me.
34:57I know I should have bought some of that mint cake at the gift shop.
35:00Should never venture into the wilds without it.
35:03What if I got on your shoulders?
35:04Oh, Bert.
35:05It's no type of party tricks.
35:07I do not believe it.
35:08Forty years of rigorous employ.
35:10And when I pack it in to enjoy my just rewards,
35:13my life starts to resemble a night at Mad Larry's Bodega Bar.
35:17Well, that's it.
35:18It's time to be honest.
35:20The easy option is not for me.
35:21I am jacking this retirement lark in.
35:23Are you lost?
35:25Oh, don't worry, son.
35:26You'll be all right.
35:27You stick with us.
35:28Someone will find us.
35:29I know the way.
35:30What, the way out?
35:31It's easy.
35:32I'll show you.
35:33Well, thank God for that.
35:34I only accept cash.
35:36Up front.
35:52Raymond, I've got something to say to you.
35:54So have I, Arthur.
35:55Now, just listen to me.
35:56I want to apologise and I want you to come out of...
35:59well, come off the bench sort of thing.
36:01What, you mean stop being retired?
36:02I need a few pointers, Arthur.
36:04Well, I reckon I can make a go of it, but I can't jump straight into your shoes.
36:08Oh, that's very inconvenient, Ray.
36:10I've got a couple of very interesting jaunts fixed up for next week
36:13and your dad needs help with his hardy annuals.
36:16Arthur.
36:17All right, as your family.
36:19Come on, tell me what's moving.
36:21Well, Harold Cleet's been in.
36:23Who?
36:23You know, Harold.
36:25Stocking, brown hair.
36:26The jewellery man.
36:27I bought a load of costume stuff off him
36:28and the good news is I've managed to shift it already.
36:31Oh, my God.
36:31Harold.
36:32What's up?
36:33Did you happen to shift it to a tall, elegant, blonde woman?
36:38Yeah, how do you know?
36:39And did this Harold come back a second time?
36:41Yeah, he did.
36:42A little bit later.
36:44And the second time, was it twice as much gear at four times the price?
36:46And you bought it because you knew you could offload it.
36:49You will never see that woman again.
36:52You are several hundred quid light with a load of tat you'll never be able to shift.
36:55They're famous, that couple, for that scam.
36:58No, it wasn't like that, Arthur.
37:00Harold sold me the other stuff at the same price.
37:02What?
37:14What's happening?
37:19Raymond Daly.
37:20That's him.
37:21I'm Detective Sergeant Harris.
37:23I have reason to believe you're in possession of stolen goods.
37:26I do have a search warrant.
37:29Here, hang on.
37:30If it's anything in particular, Sergeant, perhaps we could help.
37:33No, thanks.
37:35Raymond, let's get out of the way.
37:39I should stay away for a few days.
37:42I say Bridlington's very nice this time of year.
37:47Could you open this cabinet, please?
37:49Certainly.
37:50Ray?
37:55Oh.
38:28Nothing?
38:31Come on.
38:35Sorry to have bothered you, gentlemen.
38:36We were acting on information received.
38:39Sergeant.
39:00Show me a computer that can do that, Ray.
39:02And I believe in progress.
39:04Well, how did you know?
39:04There's a certain kind of knock that can only be the police.
39:07What's going on, Arthur?
39:08A little manoeuvre known as the plant.
39:11You mean that costume stuff's real?
39:13Yeah.
39:13Normally, this thing is used to deprive people of a large lump of money.
39:16But in this case, it's been adapted.
39:18So why does this Harold character want to drop us in it with the law?
39:22It's not his style, Ray.
39:23He is strictly a con artist.
39:25Who's he working for?
39:26Well, at the moment, there are others better qualified to judge.
39:29Come on.
39:33Yeah, Arthur.
39:34How come you never told me about that filing cabinet?
39:37Oh, no, Ray.
39:38I wouldn't like you to think I ever had any reason to hide anything from you.
39:42I'll, um...
39:42I'll show you how it works when we get back.
39:44Right.
39:46Here.
39:46Hold the handle when I knock.
39:48Just in case.
39:54Get down!
39:56Stop it!
39:57Ansel and Gretel played the old one-two routine to get Ray to take the tom.
40:01They're well away by now.
40:02But what I want to know is, who set it up and why?
40:06Sus the first, Arthur.
40:08And you'll like us not have the second.
40:10My thoughts entirely, Monty.
40:11Last I saw you, Ray, you were kicking the Hendon School's under-11 centre-forward in the air.
40:19You still playing?
40:21Well, not as much as I'd like to.
40:22Wise move.
40:23Look after your body.
40:25Yeah, yeah.
40:26Talking of which, the dogs are safely under lock and key, I trust.
40:30Of course they are.
40:31Can't take the risks these days, Arthur.
40:34I had to get rid of Bruiser.
40:36Couldn't stand the muzzles.
40:37No, I'm sorry.
40:38Give him terrible indigestion.
40:42There's your boy.
40:43Genuine article.
40:44Worth about a grand.
40:47As to a lead, Arthur, I'm not really up on who's dealing what these days.
40:51A smile I might help.
40:55Ah, there it is.
40:56I put it under F.
40:58O'Neil and Sons, funeral directors.
41:00Who are all those people, Arthur?
41:03Contacts, Ray.
41:05Contacts.
41:09O'Neil and Sons, could I speak to Mr. Vincent O'Neil, please?
41:13Arthur Daly.
41:16Hi, Smiler.
41:18How's business?
41:20Oh, but it is steady.
41:22I mean, it's not as if you have to worry about finding out that your customers can live without
41:26you.
41:27What, Smiler?
41:28Yeah.
41:29No, no.
41:29Smiler, what's the word on knock-off jewellery?
41:33Dealers.
41:34Small stuff.
41:35Who?
41:37No, no, no, I'd rather not.
41:39No, I know she isn't.
41:42No, Smiler, I was hoping you'd save me having to go down that particular avenue.
41:47Oh, all right, there's an alternative.
41:49Yeah, tie anyway.
41:50Bye-bye.
41:52Problem?
41:54Smiler assures me he can't help.
41:56Can I suggest anyone else?
41:59One person.
42:03Oh, dear.
42:14I'm here.
42:17Arthur Daly.
42:20Delilah.
42:22Long time.
42:25Arthur Daly.
42:27I thought you were dead.
42:30Retired.
42:31No, semi.
42:33still alive I can see you look well Arthur in the pink oh you know how you
42:44look very well preserved I did mean to write Delilah probably got lost in the
42:52post I hadn't given up hope it's only 40 years it is it is it as long as that
43:08did you ever get married after we you know six times well no one ever quite matched up to you
43:16Arthur do you mind forget some tonic
43:26come on Arthur what you doing in there
43:29and then I had to leave the area case of mistaken identity but a wise move nevertheless I'm gonna
43:35come back you've gone off with that troupe of can-can girls don't worry Arthur you were never
43:41being malicious and while you were away her indoors decided I was the one and you know
43:47how determined she could be and that was that you don't change Arthur tell me what can I do for
43:55you
43:55I presume you need a favor well if you've still got that sideline of yours the one that's not entirely
44:26illegal you'd like to keep your hand in why give up something you're good at Arthur I couldn't agree more
44:32now what do you need I'd like you to tell me I'd like you to tell me who's dealing this
44:38sort of stuff
44:39hmm
44:44Jerry Brooke
44:46Beecher's is he still working yes he handles all the small stuff one of his jobs going around at the
44:51moment
44:52could you make a paste of that by tomorrow
44:55we'll see what we can do I'm very grateful I mean in view of I told you Arthur it was
45:02one of
45:02those things it didn't work out you were never improper well I did pride myself more than a few times
45:10you'll have to wait
45:23Delilah what can I say
45:24there's no need for words Arthur leave me as I remember you as a man of action
45:42you were tired you should have stretched out on the back seat I didn't know your little chat was
45:46gonna take all night I hope you're not casting aspersions Delilah has furnished us with all we
45:53need to clear this mess up well who's behind it then Jerry Brooke known in the criminal world as
45:58Beecher's for being a very nasty fence we've had one or two run-ins in the past and he's obviously
46:04decided to even the score what are we gonna do Arthur I want you to pick up the van go
46:09around to
46:09his place and deposit the original in a drawer if he's in Arthur he won't be I think you'll find
46:16this fairly easy access down the alley at the side and meet me back at the lockup I've got one
46:22or two
46:22calls to make I felt it was my duty you sure you've got that address
46:27no no I'm sorry remaining nameless is a basic rule of the anonymous tip-off goodbye
46:37Jerry after all this time so Arthur wear his trinkets
46:59what do you think no I'm sorry Arthur I'd like to help but I don't really handle this sort of
47:03stuff
47:04oh what a pity you're gonna be in all morning yeah I'm not gonna budge an inch I could get
47:09some
47:09other people to call around oh I'd be grateful if you could see Ray didn't get the name of this
47:13other
47:13bloke and I couldn't think who else to call
47:26hey what you did we are about to be raided again by the police Ray how do you know a
47:31sneaking suspicion
47:31but worry not they won't find a thing unlike the people who are at present raiding beaches draws
47:37nice one Arthur get your retaliation in first Ray basic rule of English fair play Beecher's gonna
47:44be sorry he didn't think about who he was dealing with when he tussled with the dailies I couldn't
47:48agree with you more meanwhile I suggest we wait at the Winchester we can leave a note on the door
47:53for the police welcome back Arthur oh I don't know right you've made a promising start yeah slid down
47:59hill quick enough that teething problems you'll pull it round not without you thank gold for that
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