- 2 hours ago
First broadcast 25th December 1991.
When Ray's van breaks down whilst delivering two hundred video recorders to a client in Limehouse Arthur needs alternative transport.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Anthony O'Donnell - Big Dai
Emma Cunningham - Gloria
Neil Phillips - Two-Tone
Cathy Murphy - Vicky
Trevor Cooper - Derek
Michael Goldie - Freddie
Metin Marlow - Canal Policeman
Richard Heap - Traffic Policeman
When Ray's van breaks down whilst delivering two hundred video recorders to a client in Limehouse Arthur needs alternative transport.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Anthony O'Donnell - Big Dai
Emma Cunningham - Gloria
Neil Phillips - Two-Tone
Cathy Murphy - Vicky
Trevor Cooper - Derek
Michael Goldie - Freddie
Metin Marlow - Canal Policeman
Richard Heap - Traffic Policeman
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:25Wow.
00:30One of the juiciest lines of goods you've put my way for a long time, Derek.
00:34Certainly a great improvement on them digital egg timers.
00:37Not my fault, Arthur.
00:38I got steered wrong by light-fingered Ted.
00:41You didn't tell me you couldn't get batteries for him.
00:43Light-fingered Ted.
00:44What do you expect, doing business with a bloke like him?
00:47Well, they certainly left me well out of pocket, I can tell you.
00:49Well, that's why I'm giving you the video recorders at a good price.
00:52I can't deny it, Derek.
00:53I don't know how you can bag them out so cheap.
00:54I didn't pay that much for them, Arthur.
00:56Know what I mean?
00:57Steady the buffs.
00:58I don't want to know.
00:58Where you got them is between you and your conscience.
01:01You've got a buyer for them, all right?
01:02Are these prices?
01:03No problem.
01:04Ray's running them down to Limehouse at this very moment.
01:24I've got this to me now.
01:27You're all right.
01:29Look, why don't you go on?
01:42What a state of these roads.
01:44Yeah, shocking, isn't it?
01:45It really gets up my nose.
01:47I do not pay my road tax so I can get my back broken every time I go out for
01:51a drive.
01:51Whoa!
01:53Whoa!
01:53Whoa!
01:54Whoa!
01:54Whoa!
01:58Whoa!
02:08He's a paddle!
02:15Hello!
02:17a dozen pack of me nice and tight in my nose bird balls white ears loo daily into europe managing
02:26director speaking offer tony anthony oh hello two-tone this is your lucky day how do you feel
02:32about 200 more videos what you mean more where's the first lot have you gone no i have not and
02:40i'm
02:40not hanging about here all day but ray left with them hours ago i don't want to hear it let's
02:46face
02:46it off it's probably not the sort of gear i want to hold on to for long now now look
02:50two-tone relax
02:50i'm sure he'll be with you any minute now i'll give him 20. if he's not here by then the
02:56deal is off
02:58arthur i think you should come and have a look at this yeah two-tone hang on just hang on
03:01a minute will
03:16i'm sorry arthur i think it's the start of the moment why didn't you get him to tell you a
03:20lime
03:20house are you joking the center of london was bumper to bumper look i didn't pay 500 quid for a
03:24van and
03:25have it break down just when i need it you didn't pay 500 quid for it
03:34tone tone look we seem to have suffered a minor setback but i guarantee the goods will be with
03:39you tomorrow morning arthur you are about as reliable as a check in the post i've told you
03:44before tomorrow's no good the deal's off tony anthony what are you doing i'm bringing in the gear
03:57forget it the deal's fallen through thanks to you me yeah go and tell derek you'll have to take them
04:01all
04:02back well derek's gone gone gone where wherever derek's go i don't know well what am i supposed to
04:07do with this lot put them in here the cage is full right stick them in a corner oh don't
04:12talk wet ray
04:12the magpies we got round here they see a stack of videos outside the safe cage i think it's christmas
04:17easter and their birthday all rolled into one they won't be able to stop themselves well they ain't
04:21going anywhere else arthur the van's knackered we'll have to get it fixed then yeah but i'm going out
04:26tonight well you'll have to cancel someone's got to stay here tonight and keep an eye on the videos
04:30all night i'll give us a break arthur i'll arrange somewhere else for them to go and i'll pick
04:34you up in the morning don't let them out of your sight there's a put me up up there somewhere
04:38top
04:38of the stairs good night arthur
04:55i'd just like to say that you have to be the most egotistical insensitive cheapskate
05:01what have i done is this your idea of a romantic evening out a quick bunk up in the lockup
05:08what do
05:09you take me for i told you i've got to look after some gear for me uncle oh uncle arthur
05:15i might have
05:15known now what's that supposed to mean you are going to end up just like him ducking in and out
05:21of
05:21dodgy deals ripping off everyone you meet including me i must need my head examining what am i doing here
05:33that's my boy's charm come into my parlour
05:46so uh what's the plan for the evening stock taking i've never heard it called that before
05:50come on i want to show you something
05:59oh how on earth did you from singapore sunset seasonable vegetables lemon chicken a selection
06:05of dim sum and a fiesta la resistance peking duck i kill for peking duck i know all washed down
06:11with
06:11a bottle of bubbly and a little sonic to say thanks for keeping me company glor
06:28what is it it's a digital web timer oh that's sweet well what do you give the girl who's got
06:36everything and i mean everything thank you
07:07i didn't know where to put my face shut up about it arthur i don't like the idea of strange
07:13birds
07:13in the lock-up and i didn't like the idea of spending the night alone there and glory it's
07:18not a strange bird being sprouts all over my paperwork
07:23what are you two doing here at this time of day oh don't ask oh am i glad to see
07:27you dave
07:30oh dear you can't leave that rather than there you know sorry dave how am i gonna get to my
07:37stock
07:38oh it's only for a couple of days we've got a little log jam at the lock-up oh no
07:42no way i
07:43mean i can hardly swing a cat in there as it is arthur i'm ashamed to even want to dave
07:47it's only a
07:47temporary measure now i thought i am putting my foot down dave i'm surprised at you is this the way
07:54for
07:54a friend and a business colleague to behave a less kind man would describe your attitude as churlish
08:00oh well go on then i suppose it'll be all right for a couple of days that's the spirit dave
08:04go and
08:05bring a couple of boxes in will you many hands make light work as the poet says arthur somebody outside
08:11wants a word with you
08:20any problems officer this your vehicle it is indeed i have all the legal documents to prove it
08:25your tax discs out of date
08:31it's nothing less than a scandal
08:33held it on my very own doorstep by the gestapo tactics of the local traffic police road tax i don't
08:42have a perfectly good business deal and what happens i cannot get my merchandise beyond shepherd's
08:46bush the arteries of our once great capital are totally clogged we all know what happens when your
08:51arteries get clogged roads are diabolical not fit for farm carts i mean how is the modern businessman
08:58expected to contribute to the new spirit of enterprise abroad in the country when the roads are full of
09:01bottles give us the tools as winston said and we will finish the job but this is this is this
09:07cavalier
09:08attitude to entrepreneurs talking to which where's ray with that tax disc we've got to get them videos
09:14down the limehouse you mean two tones gonna take them after what he said yesterday i made him an
09:19offer he couldn't refuse what was that i'm letting him have my half price
09:36arthur so glad i caught you die what you're doing around here don't even ask arthur where's your
09:43boy ray oh he's uh he's just slipped out to get me a tax disc sorry to have missed him
09:49can i get you a
09:51bevy or are you uh shooting off oh well no i was um yeah all right i find
10:04i'm sorely depressed sorely depressed oh i'm sorry to hear that die
10:12it's a sad and troubled world we live in wouldn't you agree oh yes very sad very troubled a man
10:19goes
10:19through life trying to earn a crust then one day when he thinks the sun is shining and god's in
10:24his
10:24heaven someone does him down someone done you don't i it saddens me to say that somebody has burgled me
10:33like a thief in the night they came and robbed me who would burgle you i don't know
10:41but when i found out i was very very angry i was planning what i was going to do with
10:46a miscreant when i
10:47caught up with him and i'm ashamed to think of the depths my mind sank to i can imagine then
10:54i had
10:54a good idea didn't i did you i thought i'd go around to my friends people like you arthur and
11:00let
11:00them know what happened i figured if they'd heard anything they'd surely let me know
11:05so keep your ears to the ground oh yeah i will die yeah what what um what exactly went missing
11:13nothing major a few videos but it's the principle of the thing absolutely
11:24have another drink a bit early in the day for me arthur moderation in all things just one please
11:34get thee behind me satan
11:47take it from me arthur there will be a wailing and gnashing of teeth before this is over
12:04dave i'm sunk the videos are big dyes that's why derek sold them so cheap well what did big guy
12:10have to say ask me to keep an eye out for them oh well at least he doesn't know you've
12:14got them
12:14he's on to me i could see it in his eyes hard and cruel like a shark he's playing cat
12:18and mouse well you
12:20better get them out of here i'll go see if ray's back with a van
12:46don't look at the diesel in the porsche what don't look in for what you're praying at one full's moving
12:53we've had it
12:53bye bye kneecaps arthur calm down big dyes mounted a guard he's watching a club we're trapped well
12:59who's big die he breaks people's knees it's all right arthur i'll have a word no no no he's got
13:05friends in very low places everything all right no it's not all right big dyes sitting outside
13:09going in there i've got to think come in here come on i've got to think i think easy arthur
13:13right you're
13:14going you're busting artery arteries of course that's it winston churchill he's flipped i used to listen to
13:22his speeches on the radiogram i had a box set it cost me four pound 1911. a small price to
13:28pay for a
13:29lifesaver look arthur how is winston churchill gonna help you get 200 piping hot videos out from under the
13:34nose of a psychotic axe man from cardiff you know what he said the future of british transport will
13:40lie in the waterways of england they will be uh arteries i can hear it now it's stuck in my
13:46mind he had
13:47a lovely turn of phrase to winston what are you going on about arthur but don't you see it's brilliant
13:52what is the waterways of england what waterways the canal oh i'm with you we dump the videos in
13:59the canal no we do not we rent a barge get a couple of boxes and follow me i know
14:06a bloke who runs the
14:07water all these business not 20 minutes will you he's the aristotle and asses of greenford i'll hire a
14:11barge you get the van in load the videos up and we'll rendezvous at the boatyard in half an hour
14:16limehouse by tea time simple limehouse in four hours allowing for locks no chance arthur big
14:21guy is going to be very suspicious if he sees ray driving your van in here that's a point
14:27there's nothing for it dave we'll have to use your car well we have to make several trips
14:32arthur the address freddie barnet's boatyard at greenford well where's that why haven't you got
14:36an a to z you do know limehouse is on the other side of london look it's all hands to
14:40the pump we're
14:41never going to make it look i've told you before about this negative attitude needs must when the
14:45devil rides you've known him a long time dave has he always been like this oh this is one of
14:51his better
15:05days
15:06nice name persifone persephone the greek goddess of the underworld probably knows big die then
15:16what do you think well not exactly the royal yacht britannia is it i don't have appearances deceive
15:24you she's a trim craft old girl may be in need of a facelift but she still has fire in
15:29her belly
15:30yeah you haven't you haven't got anything smaller smaller persephone would take around the horn in a
15:38force 12. well the point of the point is will she get me the limehouse oh would i steer you
15:44amiss that's good enough for me captain
15:50does it have a will
16:02it's a bit cramped in it i like to think of it as cozy bunk there bunk there where's the
16:08old
16:08other side of that bulkhead i'll check it out i'll explain the work against your lad arthur sarah if you
16:21daylight robbery all right
16:28all right
16:29yeah well i'll see you later and remember don't give her too much sick when she starts up
16:39arthur what you do realize you've had a barge with an indoor swimming pool hey
16:52yeah look ah that's probably perfectly normal normal there's more canal inside the barge than
16:58outside it it's probably slippage or sluppage or whatever a bilge is the word you're looking for
17:03and that's exactly what you're talking oh you can bail it out arthur this is not a rowboat on a
17:09serpentine there must be four tons of water down there
17:16die i swear on the bible i ain't heard nothing if i do i'll barely honest i'm glad you know
17:21your bible
17:22you'd be familiar with the tenth commandment huh thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods hope you
17:28haven't been covered in mine never i wouldn't dream of it then who has
17:33a light finger ted uh frenchie flynn
17:39you'll have to do better than that
17:44have you tried arthur daly
17:59hey
17:59hey you're standing on my foot oh dave stop moaning sorry dave i wonder you could rent a floating leo
18:05arthur
18:06oh stop going on about it get your hand out of my pocket i'm trying to put it down oh
18:12how many more
18:13for god's sake that's it oh fair goodness hasn't been in this spot's 40 eyes look arthur you better
18:19get going you get back to the club and keep your eyes peeled for big day ray fire her up
18:24and let's
18:24get sailing limehouse here we come don't hold your breath limehouse forget that's happening
18:32what about two tone two tone yeah uh tony anthony he runs a video lux down in limehouse he's very
18:45big
18:45in video gear oh that's more like it i enjoyed our chat
18:54nice suit derek
19:01come on come on
19:05come on
19:08yay hey she's there go stop at the front end
19:15go stop at the rear
19:22go stop at the front end
19:36which way's land
19:49Well, this is all very soothing, I must say.
19:52You're probably quite healthy.
19:54When you were a lad, I took you on the river.
19:57Never.
19:59Stratford-upon-Avon.
20:00That's up Birmingham way, ain't it?
20:02Yeah, that's right.
20:03Your mum was visiting your dad in Winsome Green.
20:06I'll never forget it.
20:07There was a little toy in the souvenir shop, you know, by the theatre.
20:11A little woolly duck duck, all done up like amulet.
20:15You didn't half pester me for it.
20:17I don't remember a duck like that.
20:19No, you didn't get it. It cost seven and sixpence.
20:21You were always a generous uncle.
20:24I bought you ice cream.
20:26I bought you three ice creams.
20:29You were sick all down my crombie.
20:43I'd like to see Mr. Anthony.
20:44If you just take a seat, sir, I'll check his availability.
20:49Let's start again, love.
20:51I say I'd like to see Mr. Anthony.
20:54You say.
20:56Certainly, sir.
20:57I'll go and get him.
20:58I'm telling you, you can't see him without an appointment.
21:01He's a very busy man.
21:02I tell you what.
21:05Vicky, you do me a favour and go and get him.
21:08Then I'll do you a favour.
21:10What's that, then?
21:11You won't have to spend the next two nights stuck at home
21:15wondering how you can get bright green nail polish
21:18out of your lovely, shining hair.
21:30Um...
21:31Mr. Anthony?
21:39I don't know.
21:42Here, take hold of the handle and switch up the engine.
21:45Check it out.
21:46Hey, there's definitely something snagged by that propeller.
21:49What you gonna do?
21:50I'm gonna see if I can free it.
21:51Yeah.
21:54Right.
21:54Right, be careful, Ralph.
21:56Be careful.
21:57I'm gonna have to free it by hand.
21:59You'll have to hang on to me while I lean over.
22:01Right, but be careful, though.
22:02All right.
22:04Well, hang on to me legs, then, Arthur.
22:05Well, hang on.
22:06I've got the tiller in one hand.
22:07All right.
22:08I like the tiller girl.
22:09You don't remember them, do you?
22:11No, I don't.
22:12Before your time.
22:13I've got you a flashlight for it.
22:14Don't worry.
22:17Oh, what's it up?
22:18It's a plastic bag or something.
22:20Oh, that is disgusting.
22:22People have no respect for the water.
22:24Cover up the cup.
22:25All right.
22:28That's it.
22:29All right?
22:30Yeah.
22:32Full speed, Ed, Arthur.
22:37So, you see, I'm anxious to get this matter cleared up as quickly as I possibly can.
22:44Mr. Evans, I don't think we're even on the same planet, let alone the same wavelength.
22:48What's your missing property got to do with me?
22:52Because, Mr. Anthony, word has it that you're in London, there is only one bigger fence than you, and it
22:59surrounds Buckingham Palace.
23:03Oh, look, I've had just about enough of this taffy.
23:07Either you produce a warrant card in the next five seconds, or you'll be leaving this place in splints.
23:19Biggie!
23:21I'll ask Andrew to pop in here, would you?
23:22I assure you, Mr. Anthony, I have no connection with the police.
23:26I regard them as I imagine you do, as the Pharisee there to be smitten.
23:32You're completely plotty, ain't you?
23:35You walk in here, you assault my secretary, and then go banging on about some Babylonian plot, to steal your
23:43goods and blacken your name?
23:44Well, you're a long way from home, Sonny, and we don't like trespassers in this manner.
23:50Andrew.
23:51Mr. Evans was just leaving.
23:54See you, mate, would you?
24:01Andrew.
24:04Are you familiar with the book of Samuel?
24:16David and Goliath.
24:17How are you feeling?
24:18Shocking.
24:21How are you going to get seasick on a canal, Arthur?
24:24You're driving.
24:26Keep jiggling it about.
24:29Oh, hold on.
24:30I'll come up and join you.
24:32I couldn't feel worse if I was facing Big Dye.
24:36Ow!
24:40The book of Samuel?
24:42David and Goliath.
24:44The Thriller in Eelagh.
24:48No such thing as a mismatch, see?
24:53Now, where were we?
24:55Yeah, good idea, Arthur.
24:56I wish I would do you good.
24:58I can't take much more of this.
25:16Where's Limehouse?
25:21There.
25:22And where are we?
25:26There.
25:28And where do we start from?
25:30Come on.
25:32There.
25:32There.
25:34There.
25:34And take weeks.
25:36You certainly won't get it today.
25:43I still don't remember that Stratford trip.
25:45Well, I'm not surprised. You're about knee-high to a barstool.
25:48I do remember you take me to a car auction, no?
25:51Car auction? When?
25:53I don't know. I must have been about ten.
25:55Mum asked you to look after me. She was visiting Granny in hospital.
25:59You got it right up. You said you couldn't do business with a kid in tow.
26:02Well, you can't. I mean, let's face it.
26:05You bought a Woolsey.
26:08Oh, yeah, a Woolsey. That's a lovely car.
26:13Yeah, we came back, innit?
26:14And on the way, we stopped off at some old drinking club.
26:17I'm sure we didn't.
26:18Yeah, we did. You said some bloke owed you money.
26:21I don't remember that.
26:23You bought me a bottle of limeade and a packet of salt and vinegar.
26:26Told me you wouldn't be long.
26:28You'd gone over an hour.
26:30When you come back, your nose was all bloody.
26:32Yeah, you're making this up.
26:34As I'm standing here and you made me promise not to tell Mum.
26:39Did you?
26:41Oh, Dickie Bird.
26:42Good boy.
26:45It'll be dark, see?
26:54Sorry about the, uh, misunderstanding, Di.
26:58Be delighted to help, if I hear anything.
27:02Very Roman of you.
27:03Two-tone.
27:04Well, I appreciate that.
27:11Andrew's having a little nap in Mr. Anthony's office.
27:14When he wakes up, tell him no hard feelings.
27:22Who the hell was that?
27:24That, Vicky, was a gentleman.
27:27Welsh.
27:28Paranoid.
27:30Possibly psychotic.
27:31But a gentleman for all of that.
27:33A gentleman for fixing days on safari.
27:35It's time to be fixed.
27:41All right.
27:42All right.
27:47What the hell was that?
27:48I don't know.
27:49I can't see a thing.
27:50Turn the light around and have a look.
27:52Yeah.
27:53Oh!
27:54That's come off.
27:55What?
27:57It's gone out.
27:58Well done, Arthur.
28:00Right, that's it.
28:01What?
28:02This is getting too dangerous.
28:04I'm pulling this into the side.
28:05We'll start out first thing in the morning.
28:18Where are we?
28:20Oh, I've got no idea.
28:22Well, I hope Di hasn't either.
28:23I don't fancy waking up in the middle of the night.
28:25I don't fancy waking up in the middle of the night.
28:25And finding myself at the bottom of the canal.
28:28Well, if we're gonna stay here tonight,
28:30you'd better shift these videos and make some room.
28:33Yeah, all right.
28:35You'd better make sure you lash them down tightly.
28:38And cover them with a tarpaulin.
28:39We don't want people walking off with them.
28:41The area's completely deserted.
28:43Why do you suppose they keep their bed linen?
28:45I think you're wearing it, Arthur.
28:48Give me my coat.
28:50I'm not a bloody student.
29:02I'm starving.
29:03Do you reckon there's a restaurant round here somewhere?
29:04I thought you were sick.
29:06No, I've got my sea legs now.
29:08We're in the middle of nowhere.
29:09Well, look, go and do a wreckage.
29:11See if you can find something.
29:13I don't get my evening meal.
29:14I turn up my toes in the night.
29:16I'll fire up the stove and make it all snug and cosy
29:18for when you come back.
29:19And see if you can find half a bottle or something or other.
29:22All right, let's see what I can find.
29:23Good boy.
29:25Hey, hey, hey.
29:26Proper tonic, mind.
29:28No diet.
29:29Yes, Arthur.
29:32Ray, don't be long.
29:38Ray?
30:00You wait.
30:02You wait.
30:02You wait.
30:03I think we're gonna need tinder.
30:04Hmm, sure.
30:09You wait.
30:12Oh, he's gone for my turn.
30:14Oh, he can't let me hate tinder.
30:17Tinder.
30:17What do you think?
30:17Huh?
30:17How are you going to die?
30:19He's gone for.
30:21Yeah, you haven't, the sound.
30:29Oh, but you, Adam and Eve, it...
31:11Oh, my God.
31:37Oh, my God.
32:07Oh, my God.
32:12That's right, Arthur. You tell them.
32:15Grab that axe, Dave.
32:17Right behind Arthur.
32:19What, Dave?
32:20Right behind Arthur.
32:22Too right.
32:23What the hell are you doing?
32:25Oh, my God.
32:26Thank God it's you.
32:28All you didn't know gave me a turn.
32:30Where you been?
32:31I've traipsed miles.
32:33Well, never mind that. Come on, let's get inside.
32:35Give us a bag.
32:36Here.
32:48Is that it?
32:49Yeah, that was all they had.
32:52Prawn cocktail.
32:54Salt and vinegar's a natural flavour for a potato.
32:59Spring onion.
33:01Garlic. I can't eat this.
33:03Stop moaning.
33:05It'll be as warm as toast in a minute.
33:08The only thing that's warm on this boat is the lager.
33:22Six.
33:23Two, three, four, five, six.
33:25Community chest.
33:28You have won a crossword competition.
33:30Collect 100 pounds.
33:31They like you, don't they, Arthur?
33:32They do, they do.
33:34It'll go.
33:35Hold on.
33:36You don't get crossword competitions in community chest.
33:38They're chance.
33:39No, no, no. It's a very old set.
33:40It makes no difference.
33:41Let's have a look at that.
33:42Maybe I misread it.
33:43No, no, let's see what...
33:46Pay hospital fees, £100?
33:48How can you misread that?
33:49Well, I knew it was something to do with £100.
33:51I don't believe it.
33:52You're cheating at Monopoly.
33:53Yeah, come on.
33:54You'll go.
33:54You'll go.
33:55All right.
33:55All right.
33:58Your last row, you got six.
34:00Yeah.
34:01And you was on Whitehall.
34:02So?
34:03So, one, two, three, four, five, six is Fine Street, which is mine, which has got one, two, three houses,
34:10which is 600 smackers.
34:13All right.
34:14I'll have to be in the state.
34:15Here, where's your money?
34:16Come on.
34:16Here you go.
34:17Lovely.
34:18Six hundred.
34:19Come on.
34:20All right.
34:21All right.
34:25Double four.
34:26Hey!
34:27One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
34:31Ha, ha, ha, ha.
34:32Go to jail.
34:33Nice to double.
34:34I've got another front.
34:34No, no, no, no.
34:35Go directly to jail.
34:36No second chances.
34:37Hold on a minute.
34:38What?
34:38Vine Street had four houses on it.
34:40No, no.
34:40It had three.
34:41Yeah, it's got three now, but it had four before.
34:43How come you've got a house on a strand?
34:45I probably bought it, didn't I?
34:46You never.
34:47You've nicked my house.
34:48Oh, don't be darned.
34:49No, another house is another 200 quid.
34:51Now, don't be silly.
34:52You can't collect rent from in jail.
34:54I wasn't in jail when you landed on it, Arthur.
34:56No.
34:56No.
34:57No who's cheating, eh?
34:57No who's cheating.
34:58Come on.
34:58Give me the dice.
35:00Amazingly true to life, this game, ain't it?
35:01The innocent end up being chokey while the Camelhead Coat Brigade are buying up the West End
35:05and nicking anything that ain't nailed down.
35:07Give me the dice.
35:10Put some more coal on the fire.
35:11It's getting nippy.
35:13Right.
35:16Hey, we're all out.
35:17Oh, God, we'll freeze to death.
35:19We'd better turn in anyway, huh?
35:20No, no, no.
35:20I've just landed on Mayfair.
35:22How can you land on Mayfair from there?
35:24Easily.
35:24Yeah, what'd you do?
35:25Throw double 12?
35:26Oh, don't be so silly.
35:30Here I am.
35:31Here I am.
35:32What are you doing?
35:33You win.
35:34It's yours.
35:36Don't ask me to play with you again.
36:17Arthur, put that cigar out.
36:19It's worse than the stove.
36:21Ray.
36:22What?
36:23What?
36:23I'm cold.
36:25Wrap your coat around you.
36:27I'm still cold.
36:29Put your hat on then.
36:30I've got my hat on.
36:32Go to sleep.
36:42Ray!
36:42Ray, we're sinking!
36:43We're sinking!
36:44What?
36:45We're sinking!
36:46It's just a boat going by.
36:50Some people have got no consideration.
36:53They've got no right hurtling up and down the canal at all hours.
36:56I report them.
37:01What are you doing?
37:04What's that?
37:11It's just a water rattle, son.
37:12Rat!
37:13You're insane!
37:13I've had rats!
37:14I can't abide them!
37:17Ray, what?
37:18Go and scare it off.
37:19Honestly, Arthur, you're worse than a six-year-old.
37:28Sorry, you rat!
37:30For God's sakes!
37:32Where are you, you little...
37:34Shoot!
37:35Get him!
37:37They're best oxfords!
37:38Shut up!
37:39Oh, no!
37:43God damn it.
37:44It's all right, Arthur.
37:46The nasty-wasty rat's gun.
37:50God.
37:54Arthur?
38:04Sweet dreams.
38:09Now, Two-Tone, we'll be with you immediately after lunch.
38:12Yep.
38:13I promise you.
38:14You gotta trust me, Two-Tone.
38:16See you then.
38:17Tell her.
38:19Did you get through?
38:20Yeah, he was very understanding.
38:21I told him we'd be there immediately after lunch.
38:24You'd better get our skates on then, eh?
38:25Yeah, not till I've had my breakfast.
38:26What'd you get?
38:26Oh, eggs, bacon, sausages, beans, tin of tomatoes.
38:29Nice bit of black pudding.
38:30Oh, music to my ears.
38:31Get frying.
38:32Hey, did you talk to Arnie?
38:33No, no, no.
38:33She was engaged.
38:35I don't know, Mrs. Daly.
38:37Well, he hasn't been in.
38:39The one in last night, either.
38:41Well, I shouldn't worry.
38:43He probably got held up somewhere.
38:45Well, the last time I saw him, he was on his way to Limehouse.
38:49Yeah.
38:50On a boat.
38:53Right, well, I'll get him to call you as soon as I sees him, Mrs. Daly.
38:57Bye.
39:00Oh, what can I get you?
39:02Farther not around?
39:03No.
39:04Pity.
39:05I wanted a word.
39:07Any luck with your videos, Daly?
39:09I sincerely hope so, David.
39:12I have a shrewd suspicion that a Mr. Anthony in Limehouse might have some information for
39:16me.
39:16Two-tone, a Limehouse.
39:19Do you know him?
39:20No.
39:20Well, vaguely.
39:23I have heard of him.
39:37Oh, come on, Arthur.
39:39Raymond.
39:40Please.
39:41Why don't you go before we left?
39:43Yeah, do you mind?
39:44I don't wish to discuss this in broad daylight.
39:47Come on, come on.
39:48Can't stop it.
39:49All right.
39:49Come on.
39:50Whatever you do.
39:50Let's go.
39:52All right?
39:52Come back.
39:53Come, come back.
39:54Get me.
39:55I'm going.
39:55I'm going, Ray.
39:56Oh, you ain't.
39:57I'm going.
40:01Oh.
40:01Oh.
40:03Yeah?
40:04Oh.
40:05What's the matter with you, Arthur?
40:06You got a problem with boats?
40:07Don't go.
40:08Don't go.
40:09I'm not there yet.
40:12Come on, then.
40:16Oh, come on.
40:20Well, I was wondering if you could tell me where he's likely to be by now,
40:23because something's come up when it's urgent.
40:25Oh, it's hard to say, mate.
40:27Could be anywhere.
40:28Where's the long canal?
40:30Yeah.
40:32Oh, thanks very much.
40:35Of course, if it's that urgent, yeah, you could always take Nimrod.
40:39Having to Limehouse within the hour.
40:41Fair enough to catch up with him.
40:42Very kind of you.
40:46Ninety quid should cover the hire.
40:56I'm very disappointed in you.
40:57You almost went to pieces back there.
41:00You what?
41:02Nothing.
41:03No, no, no, no.
41:04I want to know.
41:05It doesn't matter.
41:06Yes, it does.
41:07You're earning accusations.
41:08Look, I don't want to harp on it.
41:10Good.
41:12Always the same.
41:14What do you mean?
41:15Going off at half-clock.
41:17The same when you were a nipper.
41:18You don't do your own work.
41:19You're coming up with grandiose schemes and you're having the faintest idea of what you're talking about.
41:24Grandiose schemes?
41:25It wasn't my idea to come down a canal.
41:27No, and look what I'm landing with.
41:28A complete incompetent.
41:38Not only am I into Freddy for another day's rental, I've got the extra expense of having a van repaired.
41:43Wait a minute.
41:44Don't put all this down to me.
41:45You were desperate because you were stupid enough to rip off one of the nastiest faces in London.
41:50I don't know where you get it from.
41:51I did not rip him off and I am not stupid.
41:54And I am not incompetent.
42:04What have you done?
42:05What have I done?
42:07You're a menace.
42:08Arthur, would you stop trying to blame me?
42:10Oh, that's it, that's it.
42:11I'm brightened, brightened.
42:12All I want to do is move some goods from A to B.
42:14Add my little sparkle to the economy.
42:16And what happens?
42:17As soon as I get enough gear together to earn a crust,
42:19my own flesh and blood smashes it to bits.
42:22Oh, poor Uncle Arthur.
42:24Poor art done by Arthur.
42:26Always somebody else, isn't it?
42:27Never you.
42:28I know you're not the one who's ducking in and out of dodgy deals and ripping off everyone you meet,
42:31are you?
42:32I beg your pardon?
42:33Not granted.
42:34Do not put all this down to me.
42:36I didn't know you could be so vindictive.
42:38How can you turn on me after all I've done for you?
42:41Well, what have you done for me, eh?
42:42Got me ummed stuff all over the shop.
42:45Get me to risk me neck for you, do your dirty work for you.
42:47Hang around in a car all over London for you.
42:50I don't even get a bottle of limeade in a packet of crisps anymore.
42:55Oh, why don't you go...
43:13Well, let us know if you see any strangers hanging about.
43:16And make sure you make your boat secure if you leave it for any length of time.
43:21Here's the sort of character that would steal the sugar out of your tune.
43:25Well, hello.
43:27It's Donald Campbell.
43:34Come on, Arthur.
43:35Put your back into it.
43:36Right?
43:37No, it's no good.
43:38I can't go on.
43:40My old Tigger's not up to it.
43:43Oh.
43:45Oh.
43:49Come on!
43:50Come on!
43:51Come on!
43:53Come on!
43:53Come on!
43:55Come on!
43:56Come on!
44:02Hello, Dimey.
44:04Okay, Tony, speak to me. What's the joker's name?
44:06Hold on, Dimey. You're on my manner now. We'll do things my way.
44:10Let's make sure this stuff's yours first, shall we?
44:12Fair enough.
44:14In the van. Out the bank.
44:20Here, Arthur. It's Two Toes' place.
44:22Here, up. Take the till and I'll make ready to tie off.
44:26Take it into the bank, Arthur, but go easy, yeah?
44:38Here, you're giving it too much, Arthur. What's the matter with you?
44:44By the way, having shelled out for this gear, I'd like some remuneration.
44:49The Lord will provide.
44:51Here we go.
44:54Yeah, they're mine, all right?
44:56Glad to be of service.
45:00The name.
45:02Barrick Flynn.
45:03Frenchy Flynn.
45:05Am I to guest?
45:07Cutting engine!
45:09Cutting engine!
45:11So this was what all the fuss was about.
45:13Twenty great Welsh boxes.
45:15I'll be half-pressed a finger, too.
45:19You're giving it too much, Arthur.
45:21For God's sake, ease up.
45:23Ease up!
45:24Arthur!
45:25Arthur, you're in a bit of a gear!
45:26You're in a gear!
45:27Backwards, Arthur!
45:27Shove it in reverse!
45:29Arthur, shove it in reverse!
45:31What's the matter with you?
45:32Give it in a bag.
45:34You're in a bag!
45:35Arthur!
45:40Arthur!
45:41What the hell was that?
45:46Hello, Arthur!
45:48Hello, Tony.
45:50Arthur!
45:51Di.
45:52What are you doing, man?
45:53No, no, no, no, Di.
45:54There's a perfectly simple explanation.
45:56Ray, if you're looking for a ruck, pal,
45:58you're going to have to deal with me first.
46:00What are you talking about, son?
46:01It wasn't Arthur nicked your videos.
46:03Of course it wasn't.
46:04It was Frenchy Flynn.
46:06Was it?
46:07Too Tony, you got them back for me.
46:10Video cassettes.
46:11These are collector's items.
46:14They contain the best moments in a boxing career of Ether Evans.
46:18Who's he?
46:19Me.
46:20So called because I always put them out.
46:22So you see why they're so precious to me.
46:25Oh, I do, Di.
46:26I do, I do.
46:28Well, I gotta be off.
46:30I have to teach Frenchy Flynn the Eighth Commandment.
46:36Are those my videos, Arthur?
46:38If you like, Tony.
46:40You got my phone number, ain't you?
46:42Yeah.
46:43Tear it up.
46:46What an unmitigated disaster.
46:49I think you had a result.
46:51Wow.
46:52You've still got your health and big dies off your back.
46:54Yeah, but that's no consolation for several grounds worth of high tech at the bottom of
46:57the Grand Union.
46:58I'll tell you what, Arthur.
46:59What?
47:00This has been a boat trip I will remember.
47:03It's one I shall try very hard to forget.
47:05I'm too long in the tooth ray to go for my Duke of Edinburgh's award.
47:09Come on, let's get this eep back to Greenford.
47:12Right.
47:23Ray?
47:25Yes, Arthur?
47:26You know all that stuff you said earlier about me ducking in and out of dodgy deals and ripping
47:32everyone off?
47:33I didn't mean it.
47:34Just eat at a moment.
47:36You haven't been talking to her indoors, have you?
47:39No.
47:39Oh, she wouldn't say anything like that about me.
47:43Of course not, Arthur.
Comments