Minder. S08 E08. Him Indoors.

deaddogsdam

First broadcast 24th October 1991.  Stuck in his lock-up, due to a faulty alarm system fitted by ex-burglar Ron, when he should be taking his wife out for her birthday, Arthur is arrested as a prowler by a zealous rookie cop.  George Cole - Arthur Gary Webster - Ray Glynn Edwards - Dave Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley Stephen Tompkinson - D.C. Park Kenneth Colley - Ron Simon Rouse - Inspector York Alex Lowe - P.C. Corman Gareth Marks - P.C. Howard Antony Zaki - Imran (as Tariq Alibai) John Atkinson - Vagrant Joanna Bacon - Barmaid Kim Rook Teoh - Mr. Fong (as Kim Teoh) Adrian McLoughlin - Cabbie Joseph Hutton - Liam Jerry Baker - Bystander Antony Gilding - Policeman Terry Sach - Policeman Harry Van Engel - Winchester Club Patron

Transcript

00:00You're a stupid person, huh?

00:02Do I have money to buy these things?

00:03Do you have your money?

00:05Let's try it.

00:06Let me tell you.

00:07I'll do it.

00:09You tell Arthur to phone up for next week.

00:13Go, go, go, go!

00:18Turn your back on personal security

00:20and you tamper with a great boss,

00:22Mimsa, mother nature herself.

00:23It's unnatural.

00:24Yeah, but Arthur...

00:25Do you know a house is burgled every nine seconds?

00:28Well, I'm glad I don't live there then.

00:30Imran, an Englishman's bricks and mortar is his castle,

00:33even if he do hail from Pune.

00:36I am offering you the best moat and drawbridge

00:3820th century man can come up with.

00:40You remember that when your entire stock

00:42goes absent without leave.

00:43Look, I appreciate your concern, Arthur.

00:45Only I don't need security.

00:47Think of the peace of mind.

00:48And it's priceless.

00:50And here I am practically giving it away.

00:52A user-friendly, intruder-hostile, daily security system...

00:56Arthur, I'm okay on security.

01:02Meet Sid.

01:04As in, uh, vicious.

01:07Oh, come on, Lenny.

01:08You know Arthur's rules.

01:10No cash, no gear.

01:11Fair enough.

01:12Morty, give him aid, will ya?

01:22Blimey, what were you in previous life?

01:23Be for a baggage handler.

01:38No, no Imran.

01:40Far be it from me to cast aspersions on young Sid's crime prevention skills.

01:44But, I mean, four feet and a mouth with a froth, it might frighten the postman.

01:47But, not your committed blagger.

01:49I mean, a bowler knob will win a lot, he'll be out of the frame.

01:53You, oh, oh, ah, ah.

01:55Oh, ooh.

01:56Looks like he made a friend there, Arthur.

01:59No, your lovable canine will never replace hands-on digital wizardry

02:02from the land of the rising sun, Imran, I'm telling you.

02:04Well, it's not me you've got to convince.

02:07Excuse me, Arthur.

02:08Yeah, don't, don't, don't, don't leave me Imran.

02:11Down, boy.

02:12Down, boy.

02:13Ooh!

02:14Ooh!

02:16I hope you haven't forgotten what day it is, Arthur.

02:19Only ask me to remind you.

02:20I've had a torrid morning, Dave.

02:22Don't go on.

02:23Well, we don't want a repetition of last year, do we?

02:26Look, one minor discrepancy on an otherwise unblemished record.

02:30Can't think of it, you've forgotten a year before and all.

02:32Dave, when you're up to here grappling for a crust in a crowded marketplace,

02:36the occasional red letter day is likely to slide under the radar.

02:40Well, if this one slides under the radar, don't blame me.

02:45Dave, satisfied?

02:47Ray's picking up the penguin from the cleaners

02:49and the knife and forks book for later.

02:51Surprised too, eh, Arthur?

02:52Yeah, but her indoors still thinks you're going for the hat trick.

02:55Nice one, Arthur.

02:56Dave, women are funny about birthdays.

02:59You're allowed to forget two on the trot, but you forget three, they get twitchy.

03:03Seem to think you've stopped caring about them or something.

03:05What show you're going to?

03:07Show?

03:08Show?

03:09What you see here are highly sought-after ringside seats for the night's boxing.

03:14Yeah, it's nice to know that romance still thrives off.

03:17Yeah.

03:18That's £3.20 you owe me.

03:20Make it around, Fiverr.

03:25Well?

03:26Yeah, can't complain.

03:27Well, did you deliver the goods?

03:28Yes.

03:29And?

03:29No, they wouldn't pay.

03:31What?

03:31What do you expect?

03:32They want their damn things installed, not just delivered.

03:35What, do you think they're going to belt the intruders over the head

03:36with the alarm cases as they break in?

03:38Well, why can't you plug them in for them?

03:40Me?

03:41You're joking.

03:41I'm executive material.

03:43Now, what you need here is the sparks.

03:47Electrician, Arthur.

03:50Call KL.

03:52Stand right there.

04:01a lot of flags right now.

04:09Step aside and get out of the thorns.

04:16Because of the

04:20What can I get you?

04:22No.

04:24Roy, well, you go and saturate your arteries with cholesterol in.

04:29You'll be rugged if I'm sure.

04:34Ron.

04:34Arthur.

04:35How are you?

04:36What is it, five years now?

04:37Three, Arthur, with good behaviour.

04:39What'll they be?

04:40Two coffees, I think.

04:42No coffees, Arthur, a killer is coffee.

04:44Well, two teas, then.

04:45Oh, this is my nephew, Ray.

04:47Right, then.

04:48All right.

04:49Ron, I hope you don't mind my saying this,

04:51but your silver-tongued salesman spiel

04:53leaves a little to be desired.

04:54Far be it from me to teach you your job,

04:57but the customer is always right,

05:00even when he's wrong.

05:02Cheers.

05:04Mind you, in this particular case,

05:05I think you might have a point.

05:07A little milk and sugar wouldn't come on this.

05:09Poison's milk and sugar, Arthur,

05:10that is a pure chamomile infusion you've got there.

05:14He'd come to me when I was doing my last shovel,

05:16or said,

05:17Ron, why are you spending your house doing years

05:18at the Majesty's Pleasure?

05:19You keep getting nicked.

05:22Inferior, you're ready to eat diet buffer.

05:25No, it was time to start treating my body

05:27as a temple for a change,

05:28as opposed to a bus depot.

05:30No, I saw the lights.

05:32High on earth, minor of honour,

05:33alternative catering.

05:34The alternative being a proper nose bag next door.

05:37Ron, dead meat and chips.

05:39That's the preference of the great British palate.

05:41Not free-range yoghurt with a sprinkling of trill.

05:43You are burying yourself deeper and deeper

05:46in the financial mire with this dream.

05:48What you need, Ron, is an earner.

05:51Now, it so happens,

05:52I have a position in my organisation

05:53for just such a man as you.

05:55One who knows, so to speak,

05:57the ins and outs of the burglary trade.

06:01You've got the wrong man, Arthur.

06:02I'm going straight.

06:02No, no, no, Ron, you misunderstand.

06:04What I am offering you

06:05is the chance to use your expertise

06:08for the benefit of the great British public at large.

06:11I mean, a man who can unravel the intricacies

06:13of the most sophisticated security system in what?

06:1645 seconds.

06:17Precisely.

06:18Such a man, wiring them up would be a doddle.

06:21All you've got to do is think backwards.

06:23Look, Arthur, I don't want to wet blanket this or anything,

06:25but I'll disrespect to Ron.

06:26He has got a rebel pull McCartney to give his right arm for.

06:29I mean, is this wise?

06:31I'm surprised at you, Ray.

06:32I really am.

06:33You are looking at a decaffeinated tea leaf.

06:36Where is your faith?

06:38Ron, didn't I give you a fiver?

06:49Are you all right, Arthur?

06:50I mean, some of the Mickey Mouse wiring I've seen in my time,

06:54more of a fire hazard than a deterrent.

06:57I've got to be able to do better than that.

06:58Of course you have, Ron.

07:00It's the old poacher turned gamekeeper,

07:02proud to catch a mackerel principle, isn't it?

07:07I think you'll be really impressed, Ron,

07:10at the quality and range of hardware

07:12that daily security can offer a beleaguered public.

07:15You really will.

07:20Hang on a minute.

07:22It's all right.

07:22I'll get it.

07:33What's you done?

07:35Oh, I'm sorry, Arthur.

07:37I'm going to lock it up again while you get the keys.

07:39Oh, be serious, Ron.

07:40I've got 30 grand's worth of state-of-the-art security equipment in here.

07:44How's he going to look remarkably on television if I have to phone him up and say,

07:47sorry we're late for the delivery.

07:48It's all been nicked.

07:51Well, I've said I'm sorry, Arthur.

07:53I mean, this is not exactly Fort Knox, is it?

07:56Security-wise, wooden doors went out with white spats.

08:01Now, what you need here is a titanium-aluminium roll-up.

08:06Not cheap, of course.

08:08Well, peace of mind is priceless, Arthur.

08:10Exactly how much money would I be looking at?

08:12Oh, well, then.

08:13Three and a half.

08:14Four grand.

08:15Three and a half.

08:15Try.

08:16Three and a half to four grand?

08:18Ron, I'm trying to put the robbers out of business, not subsidise their villas in Toro Molinos.

08:22Now, you leave that one with me.

08:24Meanwhile, you have a little practice run.

08:25Well, as you so eloquently said, this place is a sieve.

08:32Now, Graham, listen.

08:33There's a perfectly reasonable explanation why that consignment of Garfield's will not stick to the side window.

08:39Yeah, global warming.

08:41Hey, Ron, Ron!

08:43Yeah, sorry, Graham, Graham, sorry.

08:45Yeah, global warming is playing avoc with the interior atmospherics of your average family motor, you see.

08:50Now, I mean, a certain amount of moisture is a prerequisite.

08:53Oh, Graham?

08:54Graham?

08:56Graham, you still out?

08:57All right, Arthur, can I cut you off?

08:59Technical hiccup.

09:00I won't blund you with the science.

09:05Right.

09:12What's your favourite number?

09:14You know, a date of birth, something you can remember easy.

09:1793.50.

09:18That's what her indoors squanders on the hairdressers every month.

09:21I'm hardly likely to forget that in Harry.

09:26935...

09:26Oh, aye.

09:29It's all my offer.

09:30It's supposed to do that.

09:32Now, uh, just walk casually, uh, normally toward the exit point.

09:50Ah!

09:51That's all, Harper, don't worry.

09:53Just needs a little minor surgery.

09:55This won't be the only one.

10:00Right, let's go for one.

10:10Sweet.

10:12Drive it down.

10:21Hey, what do you think, Arthur?

10:25I knew you could do it, Ron.

10:27Once a craftsman, always a craftsman.

10:29Oh, that reminds me.

10:31Here's your, um, itinerary for tomorrow.

10:35Start with Kowloon dry goods.

10:37It's about eight-ish.

10:38Then go on to have a...

10:39Oh, is there a problem?

10:41I thought that would have been right up your street.

10:42All brown rice and seaweed.

10:45No, it's not that, Arthur.

10:46It's just, uh, well, I'm a bit brass-farvinged at the moment.

10:49I thought you might see your way clear to, uh...

10:51I'd love to, Ron.

10:52I'd love to.

10:53But you're staffed now.

10:54Wages don't get paid till the end of the following fiscal week.

10:57Otherwise, you see, it would upset the delicate infrastructure

11:00of the PAYE system I have here.

11:02Now, there you go.

11:03You get an early night.

11:04You've earned it.

11:06Here, Arthur, you still need me,

11:07only I've got to meet with the chaps.

11:09No, no, no, you get off, Raymond.

11:10Oh, hang on, hang on.

11:17There you go.

11:18You sure?

11:20Family.

11:21Well, thanks, Arthur.

11:22I'll see you tomorrow.

11:22Right.

11:46You sure?

11:54Come on.

12:41Oh, this is good.

12:57Hello, Dave.

12:58It's Arthur.

13:00Is Raymond there?

13:02Yeah, I know he's on a night out, but I thought he might have dived in for a digestive.

13:07Look, I'm at the lock-up.

13:09If he shows his face, tell him to foot it over here pronto.

13:13Well, of course I've tried the flat.

13:17That's because I am a Mike Pete, Dave.

13:20Look, just tell him, those roll-ups he collected for me, while being the requisite twelve foot

13:25wide, are about three foot short in the drop department.

13:29I can't shut them, Dave.

13:32Look, I'm stuck here minding the place, with thirty grounds worth of security equipment,

13:38open to all and sundry.

13:41I don't see what's ironic about that, Dave.

13:44Look, if you see him, just tell him.

14:02You have a blight and a diet Coke.

14:05It's only you lot like a proper drink.

14:07Not when we're on duty.

14:09Tennis says you'll end up down the Indian on your tod, same as usual.

14:16You'll have some of that.

14:21Inns.

14:23Inns.

14:27Inns.

14:29See, public houses.

14:33IJKL, that meant no peace.

14:40Oh, my God.

14:50When's this the club?

14:51Oh, hello, Arthur.

14:54Well, he ain't showed up in the past twenty seconds.

14:58Yeah, yeah, I suppose you could say he's looking thirsty.

15:01Well, mind you, he was suited and booted.

15:04Yeah, so he's probably going somewhere where they let in the big girls.

15:07They were looking for revenge.

15:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.

15:11Tell you what's on how to receive today.

15:14He's a woman coming here anyway.

15:18Tell you what's for the super consor.

15:21For the brave or brave of me that makes no one more.

15:27Way for our survival.

15:31Will we ever find the yazar?

15:33Hold me for a new revival

15:37Will it ever be the same?

15:43Dishwashers, disinfectant, discos.

15:47Four foot, eight one foot.

15:52You are the love machine

15:54Gotta get away for the love machine

15:57I made a pretty cool body, gotta do

15:59Hello?

16:01Gotta get away for the love machine

16:02I can't hear you, Rob!

16:05What?

16:07Who?

16:10What?

16:13I love kids.

16:27All right, gentlemen, settle down.

16:30Ladies and ladies.

16:33And ladies.

16:38All right.

16:39There's just a few things tonight I'd like to bring to your attention.

16:42I've received the latest printout from upstairs.

16:45As predicted, it confirms that the station's arrest quota is down 12% on the national average.

16:53Now, this can either mean that we're reducing crime on our patch to a remarkable degree, or more likely we're

17:01pulling in bugger-all offenders and are consequently being entirely piss poor at it.

17:07Now, I don't have to remind you of the importance that upstairs are putting on Operation Big Pull.

17:14Right.

17:15Right.

17:17This week's top three in reverse order.

17:22Constable Mandelson is a shoplifter at Boots and a couple of drunken disorderless from the Crown.

17:26Well done.

17:28WPC's Sarah Addison.

17:30That was a GBH merchant yesterday.

17:32And a good lead on that stolen car outfit.

17:34Well done.

17:36And this week's winner,

17:38the same as last week's,

17:41Constable Cormann.

17:42He adds another ten sheets to his previous seventeen.

17:44Excellent work, Cormann.

18:15Hello, Kent.

18:16Pulled in more litter bugs, is it?

18:18Before he moved up to the big time, you know, joyriders and all that.

18:21That's just the sort of attitude upstairs they're trying to stamp out, detective sergeants.

18:48Frustration.

19:22Oh, it's, erm, it's, erm,

19:27Oh, what's this?

19:32Sun rise in the morning

19:37all around

19:43I wonder what happened to him.

19:47Probably went back to the valleys.

20:03What time do you make it?

20:06I'll make it one minute past.

20:10Nearly two, actually.

20:18Let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

20:39Time, gentlemen, please.

20:47Come on, John.

20:48Hold it.

20:49Five to one.

20:50Come on.

20:51Help that, lads.

20:52That's quiet.

20:53Gosh.

20:53Come on.

20:54Come on.

20:56Come on.

20:57Come on.

21:24Come on.

21:36Come on.

21:37Come on.

21:37This is not happening.

21:38Then there's his little suit.

21:39Oh.

21:45I choose one suit.

21:45The old suit.

21:45Look.

21:45He would use the suit to think the suit.

21:50Then.

22:07Come on.

22:07Oh!

22:28Hello?

22:29Anybody home?

22:47You're named Daley?

22:50Yeah.

22:52You look like you could do with a drink.

22:59Dave said you might.

23:01It's true, I'll grant you.

23:02Some of your more insensitive travellers find cabbies really boring.

23:08But, and mark this in red,

23:10I am not a party to such slanderous characterisations.

23:14Yeah, well, I think I'd better be...

23:15I bet you had some famous people in the back of your cab, haven't you?

23:19Old Brucie, Mr Barrymore, all white, all white.

23:23And what's the other one, you know, the ones always saying,

23:25Shut that window.

23:26Must be very interesting.

23:39All right, and I would've pulled her, you know?

23:40If only you'd gone after her, mate.

23:43She's out of your league.

23:44I didn't fancy a mate anyhow.

23:47Which one's this?

23:48The big one with you?

24:09What do you think?

24:35Don't move, take anything, anything you want but don't shoot, please don't shoot.

24:41You're under arrest.

24:43Arrest?

24:47Oh, I never thought I'd be...

24:49Look what you made me go and do.

24:51That is our future sovereigns on the floor in bits there.

24:53The officer, you're making a large mistake.

24:56Do you know who I am?

24:57This is my lock-up.

24:58What's all this then?

25:00That is a list of Arthur Daly's securities.

25:02Or isn't reading part of the entrance exam for the police college these days?

25:06No.

25:07What are you doing?

25:07You're coming quietly or am I going to have to call an ambulance?

25:10You can't do this to me.

25:11Do you know, I'm Arthur Daly.

25:13Do you hear?

25:14I see, we're a boxing fan.

25:16Oh, my God.

25:17I'm a dead man.

25:24You'll never guess who Corman's just brought in.

25:28Well, if they know I'm here, where are they?

25:29They'll be here soon enough.

25:32Diabolical liberty.

25:33It's a gross infringement of my constitutional rights.

25:36This is North West 10, you know, not some gulag.

25:39One phone call.

25:40That's your constitutional right.

25:42And you've made that, so less of a lip.

25:44Have you any idea how hard they'll come down on you when this is all sorted out?

25:49You'll be wearing a helmet till you're 70.

25:54Let's sew at you.

25:57You pour it好 may feel well.

26:04Now, it doesn'tdel them.

26:05No, don't show me.

26:06He had an accident.

26:10That's right.

26:11morley this is detective constable park and your name is mr morley straighten this comedian out

26:19and let me get back to the real world will you is this the person you found breaking and entering

26:24the warehouse caught red-handed sir mr morley please no look if this is your idea of a joke

26:31he's in very poor taste and is in grave danger incurring my wrath sir not now constable it's

26:39urgent sir there's a reported burglary at bleasley street kowloon dried goods

26:46he's also on the cars i will have to face a very irate early indoors wanting a plausible sp on

26:52my

26:52birthday remembering duties sorry i asked you will be you're minding the lock-up after you've

26:57dropped me off i'll get ron to relieve you in the morning he's supposed to be wiring in that gear

27:01all morning not before time either well that reminds me while i was down the station kowloons

27:06have been turned over serves them right they're turning their noses up what i said serves them

27:11right no turned over you mean broken into is this your higher education coming to the fore you heard

27:18him say that kowloons have been burgled they actually said kowloons look i just told you the list

27:24he's got the list of places that need wiring what the one you gave him the list of sitting ducks

27:33unprotected sitting ducks

27:36but you are sure about the name what the second name on the list you're 100 sure yeah yeah yeah

27:42um

27:43um crash repairs moseley street yeah i think yeah no i'm certain if you had your list would be certain

27:50certain look arthur i may be wrong if it was him at kowloons you don't have to be crockett and

28:01look at the shop come on half away i ain't got all night ain't right you're all right

28:29joey green as a whistle very neat and tidy very professional

28:37What about the safe?

28:39Untouched. Nothing seems to be missing at all.

28:42It's weird. Bango's another red dot.

28:46Oh, I don't know.

28:49I like their videos on the violent side, these orientals, don't they?

28:53Blokes leaping about in the air, kicking each other's teeth out, exaggerated sound effects.

28:58Feenishly clever when it comes to the technical side, though, aren't they?

29:01This is obviously a combined television and video unit.

29:06No, I don't think it is, Sarge.

29:08Must be. How else do they play the tapes?

29:19Something clearly is missing, then.

29:22This is a daily resident speaking.

29:46Arthur! It's me, Imran.

29:49Imran! Imran, my son!

29:54Easy, Sid! Sid boy!

29:56Sorry about that, Arthur. He thought you were going to attack me.

30:00It's just that he's trained to go for unidentified Caucasians.

30:03No offence, eh?

30:04Oh, no, none taken. None taken, Sid.

30:07Imran, I'm not fully conversant with the going rates for dog rental.

30:11Oh, forget it, forget it, Arthur.

30:13I'll be downing out on this for a year.

30:14Oh, no, Imran, I'd rather you didn't put it about, if you don't mind.

30:20I mean, it's not everyone that understands

30:21that when you're trying to push back the frontiers of technical science

30:24to its nadir, that the odd gnaws up may occur.

30:27I mean, even the great Leonardo de Mello

30:29was not averse to going back to basics from time to time.

30:31But, Sid!

30:33He has been fed, hasn't he?

30:45It serves me right, right?

30:48I could have told you it was Arthur Daly,

30:50but you oughta taken no notice.

30:52I know I'm the laughing stock.

30:54This is gonna put your career back, what?

30:57About a fortnight?

31:01We're still taking odds that you're gonna be governor here by Christmas.

31:05It's not so happy, brother.

31:09But you're running away from the pussy.

31:11It's not so happy.

31:15It's not so happy.

31:16This is gonna be a good job.

31:21To a person who knows how much is he.

31:21This is in the house.

31:22He's the king, this is going to be a good job.

31:22That's not a good job.

31:26They are not even a good job.

31:26It's not a good job.

31:28The thing is having fun to know the story.

31:28It will be like the only thing that I have to do

31:28You're not a good job in the place.

31:31I see him.

31:35I hate your notes, and that's not even solid vinyl.

31:54Down, boy. Down, Sid. In your own time, but down.

32:05Oh! Don't do that!

32:08Sid, I didn't know it was you.

32:11Sid, Sid, it was quite uncalled for. I'm sorry, Sid. I'm sorry!

32:31Sid, I'm sorry.

32:46Cowloons...

32:50...was broken into tonight.

32:52Good night.

33:24Kowloons.

33:26I've seen the name somewhere.

33:30Elphar.

33:35Elphar's Moseley Street.

33:55Kowloons.

33:58Kowloons.

34:03Kowloons.

34:05Kowloons.

34:07Kowloons.

34:29Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

34:38Oh, oh, oh, oh.

35:08Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

35:13Sydney.

35:14Sydney.

35:15Sydney.

35:16Sydney.

35:17Sydney.

35:28Sydney.

35:33Sydney.

35:34Sydney.

35:35Sydney.

35:55Tell me about it, Ralph.

35:57Oh, God, right.

35:58I thought you were to film.

35:59Not your lucky day, is it?

36:00I don't believe you.

36:02I really don't.

36:03Arthur gives you a totally undeserved chance in life.

36:05I mean, he went to the wall for you.

36:07What do you do with it, eh?

36:08And for what?

36:09A lousy video recorder?

36:11It's pathetic.

36:16What priceless artefacts have you gleaned from this place, eh?

36:24Couldn't leave it alone for one night, could you?

36:26Well, it's not my fault, eh?

36:28Yeah, funnily enough, you're probably right.

36:30Arthur should have known better.

36:32Put it back.

36:34Well, shouldn't we leave it here?

36:35I mean, we should get out of here.

36:37Sharpish.

36:37I said put it back.

36:39I thought you were like, ah.

36:51What's up?

36:52BIRDS CHILDREN

37:17He killed that lad!

37:20How am I supposed to see to put it back on the bank?

37:23Well, well, well.

37:26Two for the price of one, eh, Ken?

37:28It pays to shop around.

38:02I love you.

38:21Oh, my God.

38:53Oh, my God.

39:20Oh, my God.

39:30Oh, my God.

39:31This your car?

39:32Uh, yeah, yeah.

39:34Capitalist pig.

39:36God, I hate capitalists.

39:42I'll drink your drink, mind you.

39:46Just don't expect me to like you.

39:50That's all, pal.

39:53Well, when I say it's my car,

39:56I mean, it's my employers who employs me.

40:00You're an employee?

40:02Yeah.

40:04Driver!

40:05I'm sorry, pal.

40:08Really, I am.

40:11Eh?

40:12What's your name?

40:15Arthur.

40:18Arthur.

40:19Yeah.

40:20I like that.

40:23Yeah.

40:24Have a drink, Arthur.

40:49Well, good morning, Mr. Daly.

40:52Mr. Morley.

40:53I am prepared, out of misplaced faith in the good intentions of Coco de Clownia,

40:58to put his first unwarranted abusal of human rights down to youthful enthusiasm.

41:02But twice in one night.

41:04This constitutes serious police harassment in my book.

41:07Mine, too.

41:10Really?

41:11Oh, really.

41:13You see, Constable Cormann's first collar could be construed as a mite optimistic.

41:19But his second one, Daly, is entirely down to me.

41:27Now, I assume that you're not going to deny any knowledge of a certain Raymond Daly.

41:33Well, no.

41:33No, we do have a sort of tenuous connection through the sanctity of the marriage vows.

41:39Yeah, what's all this about, Mr. Morley?

41:41Er, nor have one Ronald Frederick Waters.

41:44Who?

41:45Oh, Ron the Burglar, as he's better known.

41:47Oh, Ron, Ron, yeah. Yeah, with you, with you, yeah, yeah.

41:49Yeah, I'm acquainted with him, vaguely.

41:52He works for you, Daly.

41:53On a probationary basis, agreed.

41:55Yeah, well, since he's on probation, that does seem rather apt, don't you think?

41:58Now, look, you're going to tell me what this is all about or what?

42:01Well, the facts are these, Daly.

42:04Your employee, Waters, who has more form than a page three girl,

42:08plus your nephew, by accident of birth, young Raymond,

42:12are cocked in flagrante with this.

42:16The Solid Panic Mark IV video recording unit.

42:20The property... Now, don't you dare question this.

42:23The property of one Mr. Fong of the Kowloon Dry Goods Company.

42:28On top of this, they're both picked up at the second venue on your hit list.

42:34Now, I'm sure there's going to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this, knowing you.

42:40I know it's going to be good.

42:42I just can barely wait to hear it from your own lips.

42:49Here.

42:50Well, I would be the first to admit that after superficial inspection of the circumstances,

42:59that it is conceivable that an impetuous, suspicious custodian of the law

43:06might jump to certain conclusions.

43:08Call me impetuous. Call me suspicious.

43:13Don't ever, ever call me thick.

43:17I wouldn't dream of it, Mr. Morley.

43:19No, no, no. I think what we've got here is a misunderstanding.

43:22A perfectly understandable misunderstanding.

43:28Don't give me that, Daly.

43:29No, no, no. What you have done here, Mr. Morley, is to assume...

43:35assume that because Mr. Walters has done more stir than your average Magimix,

43:39that he was of necessity on the premises for an inferior purpose.

43:43Well, it did cross my mind.

43:44Of course it did, Mr. Morley. Of course it did.

43:47And I, for one, as a prompt payer of my poll tax,

43:49would be the first to ask serious questions if it was not so.

43:54Oh, I know. I know. I know what you're thinking.

43:59You're thinking...

44:00What was Mr. Walters doing with Mr. Fong's personal video equipment in his possession?

44:06And the answer is a simple one, Mr. Morley.

44:10He was doing what we in a trade call a feasibility check.

44:13He was checking the compatibility of Mr. Fong's gear

44:17with the surveillance equipment that Daly's security were installing on his premises

44:23in the absence of adequate protection from the police department.

44:26Oh, come on. What, 3 o'clock in the morning?

44:28He's a perfectionist, Mr. Morley.

44:30Now, look, this may come as a revelation to you,

44:32but your average criminal does not go blundering through attic windows in broad daylight.

44:37It is a nocturnal occupation.

44:40Mr. Walters was simply checking things out, in situ, as it were.

44:46In situ, yeah.

44:49Yeah, I see. Very good. Very good.

44:53Tell me, Daly, enlighten me a little further.

44:55Why were both Walters and Daly Jr. apprehended clambering through the window,

45:03Elenin crash repairs under cover of dark?

45:05A very good question, Mr. Morley.

45:07You are definitely the magnus, magnus that I've already met.

45:10Now, let me ask you a question.

45:12Would you say that young Ray was an average sort of bloke?

45:18What's this leading to?

45:19An ordinary lad.

45:22Go on.

45:23You would, yeah. Right.

45:24Now, would you not also agree that Ron is an extraordinary security expert?

45:30Yes? Yes.

45:32Right. So, it is necessary for him to have a colleague

45:36who can guess the route that an ordinary, average criminal would take to break in.

45:43Hence, Ray's essential participation in the exercise.

45:47Ridiculous.

45:48He's got a point, Detective Sergeant.

45:50How else would you account for them being found at L&M empty-handed?

46:01A video recorder?

46:02You jeopardised a lifelong dedication for a bottom-of-the-range video recorder.

46:07No, Ron, no. You have betrayed a trust.

46:10Well, no, Arthur, but it's just me karma's all the cock.

46:13I mean, a child that had driven on toast is bound to surface in the long run.

46:18I am not talking about your penchant for thievery, Ron.

46:22I refer to the fact that, due to your staggering incompetence in the electrical department,

46:27I'm a near three-foot shortfall on the security front.

46:30Oh, fix it, Arthur. Just needs a little minor surgery, is all.

46:34You need me any more, Arthur, only I'm knackered.

46:37Oh, are you, Raymond? No, no, no. You run along.

46:40After all, I've only spent one half of a particularly auspicious occasion acting as a night watchman

46:44and the other half extricating you from more porridge than a Scotsman's adult breakfasts.

46:49I said I was sorry, Arthur.

46:51Fat lot of help, that is.

46:55I'll see you later, then.

47:18You got the remote?

47:19Er, yeah, it's in the office.

47:35Ready when you're up?

47:37OK, Ron, I'm ready.

47:43Say, what did I tell you?

47:45Little minor surgery!

47:47Yeah, Ron, you were right.

47:49Take her off!

47:50Here we go.

47:52Go on, take her off!

48:04Ron?

48:06Ron?

48:08I'm having a problem.

48:09Relax, Arthur!

48:11Find a hitch!

48:12Ron?

48:13Ron?

48:14You misunderstand?

48:15I'm having a serious problem.

48:18Oh, my God!

48:19Honey!

48:20Honey!

48:21Honey!

48:22Honey!

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