- 17 minutes ago
First broadcast 11th March 1993.
Unable to sell his motors, Arthur turns to car hire.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Jonty Stephens - D.C. Field
Deobia Oparei - Winston (as Dhobi Oparei)
Juliette Grassby - Linda
Rebecca Lamb - Sarah
David Boyce - Dean Cooper
Christopher Hunter - Jarvis (as Chris Hunter)
Andy Lucas - Tony
Chris Sanders - Phil
Alan Talbot - Taxi Driver
John Quarmby - Car Thief
Rita Gerza - Police Woman
Paul Trussell - First Policeman
Ian Minney - Second Policeman
Gary Dean - Winchester Club Patron
Nick Gillard - Heavy
Alan Harris - Racecourse Spectator
Barrie Holland - Racecourse Spectator
Fred Wood - Racecourse Spectator
Unable to sell his motors, Arthur turns to car hire.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Jonty Stephens - D.C. Field
Deobia Oparei - Winston (as Dhobi Oparei)
Juliette Grassby - Linda
Rebecca Lamb - Sarah
David Boyce - Dean Cooper
Christopher Hunter - Jarvis (as Chris Hunter)
Andy Lucas - Tony
Chris Sanders - Phil
Alan Talbot - Taxi Driver
John Quarmby - Car Thief
Rita Gerza - Police Woman
Paul Trussell - First Policeman
Ian Minney - Second Policeman
Gary Dean - Winchester Club Patron
Nick Gillard - Heavy
Alan Harris - Racecourse Spectator
Barrie Holland - Racecourse Spectator
Fred Wood - Racecourse Spectator
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:10SCREAMING
00:11Here are. I fancy the free dog in the next race.
00:14No, not a chance, Ray. Before a dog will skate it.
00:17Hello, Arthur. Come to take me to the cleaners, then, eh?
00:20No, Phil. I've come to share my good fortune with you.
00:22Waterford Glass.
00:24It's not running, Arthur.
00:25No, no, no, no, no, Phil.
00:26I'm referring to some exquisite stock I have just received from the Emerald Isle.
00:30Leave it out, Arthur. I'm here to take your money, not something to feed glass.
00:34What about Tommy on the book? Would you like a little pocket calculator?
00:37Arthur? Tommy is a little pocket calculator. Now, come on, let's be having you.
00:40All right. £60 to £20 on the four-dog.
00:43£60 to £20 on the four-dog for £9.05.
00:45Mr. Arthur Daly. How about you, Ray, eh?
00:48Oh, no, thanks, Phil. Not at them prices. I'm gonna have a go on the tote.
00:51Thank you, Jack.
00:54I've got to get a result, Ray.
00:55Anything to change my luck. We haven't sold a car for weeks.
00:59It's months, actually, but who's counting?
01:01My creditors are.
01:03Are you doing the four-dog?
01:04The three-dog, Arthur. I'll be back in a minute.
01:06Yeah, all right.
01:08Hello, Sydney. Arthur.
01:11Yeah, great news, Sydney.
01:13I might even say tremendous news.
01:15I'd even go as far as momentous news.
01:17I have just acquired three and a half hundred weight of the Great Wall of China.
01:29Go on the four.
01:30Go on the four.
01:35Go on the four.
01:36Go on the four.
01:37Go on the four.
01:37Go on the four.
01:38Go on the four.
01:38Go on the four.
01:40Go on the four.
01:41Go on the four.
01:42Go on the four.
01:44Go on the four.
01:45Come on.
01:46Go on the four.
01:48Go on the four.
01:50Oh, that dog's stopped for a kip on the way round.
01:53I can't take any more of this.
01:54It's funny, Arthur. I'm just beginning to enjoy myself. Come on.
02:01I've got to do something, Ray. I'm ready to climb up the lock-up wall.
02:04Except it's riddled with woodworm.
02:06I mean, look at the day's post.
02:07Four bills, three charity appeals and a beauty salon
02:10offering to remove my unwanted hair.
02:12What we need is someone to remove your unwanted cars.
02:14And my unwanted stock. I've tried everyone. Nobody's buying.
02:18Bloody recession.
02:19I know.
02:21It's been so long since we've sold a car,
02:23you might as well hire them out.
02:26Raymond, you're absolutely right.
02:28Why didn't I think of that?
02:30You will, Arthur. You will.
02:34Look, Arthur, how can you expect to compete with the major players?
02:37Firms like, um, what's-his-name with Finget?
02:39What can you offer? They can't.
02:42What can I offer, Raymond? That is the entire point.
02:45What indeed can I offer?
02:47Remember, second-class motoring is better than first-class walking.
02:51Oot, Adam!
03:00Excellent. Virtually empty. Couldn't be better.
03:03Dave, large usual, please.
03:05St. Clement's for Ray and one for yourself.
03:07Oh, thanks, Arthur.
03:08I've got to deal with a drink.
03:09Remind me why I come here.
03:11What? Having a bad time, Dave?
03:12You could say that, Arthur.
03:13Well, you could likewise say I'm having a disastrous time.
03:16Either way would be correct.
03:19I've started talking to myself, you know.
03:21What is that, Dave?
03:23Oh, it's bloody lonely in here sometimes, Ray.
03:26Oh, it's just recession.
03:27Dave, as a minority shareholder in this club,
03:30I feel it is incumbent upon me to do something to alleviate your problems.
03:35I have been working for the past four weeks on the most remarkable business arrangement.
03:40Four weeks, is it, Arthur?
03:41Seems more like four minutes.
03:43Yeah, time flies when business is booming, Ray.
03:45Dave, you are about to become an integral part of the Arthur Daly package deal.
03:49I can't afford a holiday, Arthur.
03:51No, no, no, not that sort of package.
03:53Share the experience. Share the discount.
03:55I have the car of your choice.
03:56Full tank competitive rates.
03:58One week's ire entitles you to a free space in an Arthur Daly car boot sale.
04:03It also entitles you to attend Happy Hour at a Winchester Club.
04:08A car boot sale.
04:10Happy Hour.
04:11It's a great idea.
04:13One day a week, say between 12 and 1, when this place is as dead as a graveyard,
04:17we reduce the price of drinks by half.
04:19So that is a great idea, is it?
04:21To reduce the price of drinks for an hour by half.
04:24That's it.
04:25Why don't we go the whole log and give them away?
04:27No, no, Dave, you don't understand.
04:28By reducing the price by half, you get more customers in here.
04:31Well, that doesn't surprise me in the least, Arthur.
04:33If we made them free, the place would be packed.
04:34Yeah, but when the Happy Hour finishes, the price goes back to normal.
04:38Or perhaps even a little above normal.
04:41And the people will stay and continue to drink.
04:43And they stay and continue drinking because by then, they are a little mellow.
04:48By then, they will be warming to the sense of the occasion.
04:52And they are, quite frankly, by then, Dave, half Brahms.
04:58Who's this lad you've got helping you push the leaflets through the letterboxes?
05:01That's a good mate of mine.
05:02Known him for ages.
05:03What's his name?
05:03Winston.
05:04Oh, no, there was a leader.
05:06Winston.
05:07They don't make them like that anymore.
05:10Hey, Ray, there's someone trying to break in the lock-up.
05:12Get out and whack him.
05:13It's all right, Arthur.
05:14But that's Winston.
05:22What's your name, Winston?
05:23Where do you want them?
05:24Hang on.
05:25It dumps down over here.
05:27Ray?
05:27Yeah?
05:28Do I have a word?
05:29Yeah, all right.
05:30Just leave me there with you.
05:35Yeah?
05:36He's black.
05:39Just a minute.
05:41Do you want to come in here a minute, Whit?
05:47You know, Arthur, I think you're right.
05:49He's black.
05:49You might have told me.
05:50I'd never give it a second thought.
05:52Well, you should have done.
05:53Why?
05:54Well, it's not me.
05:55I mean, it's my customers.
05:56I've got some very funny types.
05:57I mean, how are they going to take it?
05:59I mean, it's nothing personal.
06:00You do understand that, Winston?
06:01Yeah, of course, Mr. Daly.
06:02It comes in all shapes and sizes.
06:04Ah, ah, ah, no, no, no, no.
06:06Now, don't misunderstand.
06:07I have a great regard for your people.
06:09They have turned out some of the finest netball players in the world.
06:12Arthur, he's not one of your people.
06:14He's one of our people.
06:15He's like me.
06:15He was born here.
06:17Yeah.
06:18Well, I run a very tight team.
06:21I expect very high standards.
06:23Standards?
06:24Yes.
06:24No drugs, no extramural activities, and no saxophone playing during working hours.
06:29Fair enough.
06:30So what wages are you going to pay me?
06:32Wages, Winston?
06:33Wages?
06:34We'll talk about wages when we see how you work out, Raymond.
06:37You'll be putting all the wrong ideas into this lad's head.
06:40No, come on.
06:40Let's get on with work.
06:41It requires great skill and ability.
06:43I only hope you're up to it.
06:58Oh, I thought you were the milkman.
07:01Lucky milkman.
07:03What are you selling, then?
07:04Double glazing?
07:05No, something much more exciting, love.
07:07Here you go.
07:10Oh, well, why didn't you come in and have a cup of tea and tell me all about it?
07:13I might be interested in hiring a car.
07:16Yeah, I'd love to.
07:18No sugar.
07:19I've got enough energy.
07:33How's that report coming on, Field?
07:35Nearly there, Sarge.
07:36Looks like we've got our own personal crime wave on here.
07:39Nine burglaries in our target area in the last week.
07:42Whoever it is, they're professionals.
07:44No prints.
07:45No one's seen entering or leaving.
07:46Not youngsters.
07:47They're not nicking tellies and videos.
07:50It's all jewellery.
07:52Got to be fencing the stuff.
07:54Well, look at it this way, Sarge.
07:55Bookets of overtime.
07:56For you, maybe.
07:57All I'm stacking up is days in lieu.
08:00More lease, the ID.
08:04Right.
08:05We're on our way.
08:06Looks like we're in luck.
08:08Uniformed have just nicked some joker doing a break-in
08:10right in the middle of our little patch.
08:11Come on.
08:19Are you sure this is going to work, Arthur?
08:21This is a winner, Dave.
08:23I know.
08:24See, what I'm doing is I'm taking a leaf out of the government's book.
08:26Playing on people's avarice.
08:28Let them have something for nearly nothing.
08:30I've discounted the IR charge, thrown in a free car boot sale.
08:34Baked to Oocam.
08:34Some of them will buy in the end.
08:36Mark my words.
08:37I was referring to the people staying on and paying full price.
08:40What, for the drinks?
08:41Yeah.
08:42Yeah, of course they will, Dave.
08:43Same principle.
08:43I hope you're right, Arthur.
08:44Dave, as we speak, my highly skilled operatives are launching a major publicity campaign.
08:51Now it's just a matter of time.
08:57Winchester Club.
08:58Oh, yeah.
09:00Yeah, yeah, he's here.
09:02Oh, yeah, right.
09:04Yeah, I'll tell him.
09:07And that was Detective Sergeant Morley.
09:10It seems that one of your highly skilled operatives has just got himself arrested.
09:28Raymond Daly's still working for you?
09:30Yeah, of course he is.
09:31Thank you for helping the police with their inquiries.
09:33You're free to go.
09:35No, no, just a minute.
09:37You drag me out of a crucial business meeting, ask me about one of my executives, and then
09:41tell me I'm free to go?
09:43Why don't you ask me something really important, like what you ought to have for dinner tonight?
09:47Come on, I demand an explanation.
09:49William Infield.
09:50Might as well charge him now.
09:51Charge who?
09:52With what?
09:53Oh, just someone we caught red-handed during a break-in, that's all.
09:56Says he works for you.
09:58Winston, what's going on?
10:00Ah, so you do know him, then?
10:02Well, of course I do.
10:02He works for me.
10:03Hear that, Field?
10:04Get your notebook out.
10:05Sorry about this, Mr. Daly.
10:07I did tell you that it comes in all shapes and sizes.
10:10Yeah, did you get that, Field?
10:11Looks like we've got the fence as well.
10:13Winston, Winston, you will come to realise that Mr. Morley has been nominated for the first
10:18brain transplant operation.
10:22Why is it everyone seems to take such an instant dislike to me?
10:25Saves time.
10:27I blame you for this, Raymond.
10:29Leave it out, Arthur.
10:30I would not leave it out.
10:31When Winston had finished his letterbox drop, you'd vanished.
10:34He goes looking for you, knocking on doors, peering in windows, wandering through gardens.
10:39Next thing, some overexcitable member of the local neighbourhood watch belled the police.
10:43He had no leaflets left, and you weren't there to explain.
10:46The result that Morley starts behaving like knacker of the yard.
10:49What exactly were you up to?
10:51I was giving me sales pitch to a potential customer.
10:53Using me initiative like you told me to.
10:55You sure it was only your initiative you were using?
10:57She's promised to come and hire a car.
10:59She.
10:59I knew it was a bird.
11:00Look, it's all right, Mr. Daly.
11:02I'm sure you won't want me working for you after all this.
11:04Why not?
11:05Nobody tells me who I can employ.
11:07And certainly no one like that Mel and Morley.
11:09Look, get some more leaflets.
11:11Put one in your inside pocket so that if you're stopped, you've got one.
11:14All right?
11:14All right.
11:15And Ray, keep your initiative under control.
11:17Get down the car lock.
11:19Come.
11:19I'll give you a lift.
11:20Thanks, Ray.
11:25I've parked it out front for you.
11:27And remember, if you want any servicing done, well, let's bring it back.
11:30And don't forget, the car boot sale is free for all hires.
11:32Oh, I hope to see you before that.
11:35You've got my number, I think.
11:38And as with all Daly Inter-Europe cars, madam, you get a full tank of petrol.
11:41They're the keys.
11:42Good afternoon.
11:43Good afternoon, Mr. Daly.
11:45Bye.
11:47Bye.
11:48That's what you want to be turning your charm on to, Ray.
11:51I'll try and remember that, Arthur.
11:52Well, one down, 33 to go.
11:54Good boy.
11:55I'm just going over the road for a quick one.
12:03It's Klondike time, Dave.
12:05I can feel it in my bones.
12:06All I can feel in my bones, Arthur, is chronic arthritis.
12:10Here, steady this ladder, will you?
12:11Yeah, of course.
12:12See you.
12:12Yeah, that right.
12:14Hey, Winston.
12:15Huh?
12:15The Red Vox officer, Mr. Jarvis.
12:17Right.
12:17Excuse me.
12:19There you go, Mr. Jarvis.
12:21Happy motoring.
12:22Excellent.
12:22Thanks for your help.
12:23Lovely.
12:24Here you go.
12:31Right.
12:32Who's next?
12:33Oh, looks good, Dave.
12:34This place will be packed, you see.
12:36You'll have to get some temporary help in.
12:38Temporary help?
12:39The last time I had temporary help in here was when Chelsea won the cup.
12:43Place was awash with flare trousers.
12:45You're getting plenty of food.
12:46You know, pickled trout vol-l'avons, kedgerie on fried bread, cordon bleu stuff.
12:50I'm just going to check on the lads.
13:09Raymond, my son.
13:11Winston, my lad.
13:13I knew it.
13:13I knew it.
13:14Wasn't that a great idea I had?
13:17All gone?
13:18All hired?
13:18Every single one, Arthur.
13:20Except the old Cortina.
13:21Nobody would be seen dead in that.
13:23I just thought we'd come over to tell you the good news.
13:25Well done, boys.
13:26There'll be a bonus in this for both of you.
13:29Right.
13:29Where have you parked my daimler?
13:31Your daimler?
13:40I'm sorry, Ray.
13:41It's all my fault.
13:42Don't worry about it.
13:47Well?
13:47It was a false address, Arthur.
13:49Never heard of him.
13:50You mean he's done a roadrunner in my daimler?
13:52It looks like it.
13:54Have you been dumped on me by one of my rivals?
13:56I'll work it off, Mr. Daly.
13:57Work it off?
13:58Work it off?
13:58You'll be here till doomsday to do that.
14:00I really am very sorry.
14:02Being sorry won't get my car back, Winston.
14:05How could you let him hire my car out?
14:07How could you?
14:08What am I going to drive?
14:09Well, there's still the Mark II Cortina.
14:14Good isso.
14:14What are you going to do nuns?
14:14No.
14:20What are you kind of?
14:20What are you going to do then?
14:23Well, here's my car.
14:24You're good.
14:49I've got the number, Sarge.
14:50I don't need the number.
14:51Don't you know who that is?
14:53It's done it this time.
14:55I'll be nicked.
14:57Call that last lot out to me and I'll check them against the report.
15:00Right.
15:02Pearl necklace, no distinguishing characteristics.
15:06One ring set with three rubies.
15:10Victorian brooch.
15:13Ray, can you calm him down?
15:15Raymond, I'd be obliged if you could stop him giving us his Richard III.
15:19Swearing up my Wilton.
15:20Hello, Arthur.
15:21I think it might be time to leave, eh?
15:23It's not enough.
15:23I get my pride and joy nicked by some Jack the Lad, is it?
15:26Oh, no, no, no.
15:27Let's turn the rack a bit more.
15:28I couldn't get you a run-of-the-mill car thief, could I?
15:31I forget some pocket desperado thinks he's Britain's answer to Ayrton Senna.
15:35Roaring all over the town, perpetrating traffic offences at the speed of light.
15:39But that's not enough, Raymond, is it?
15:41Isn't it?
15:41Oh, no, it's not.
15:42Inspector Clueless here pulls me in and starts charging me with a string of traffic offences.
15:47I demand that you come and see what I am currently driving, Morley.
15:59Help yourself, Sergeant.
16:00Observe the furry dice, the furry up old street.
16:03This is what I am reduced to.
16:05I must say, Arthur, I think you're getting a bit old for the furry dice.
16:08I think he's telling the truth, Sarge.
16:10Thank you, Constable.
16:11His dame has just been reported speeding up the M1.
16:14Trial car gave chase but lost him.
16:17He's really shifty.
16:18If my car is damaged while you lot are playing cops and robbers, questions will be asked in the house.
16:23Ray, I'll see you back at the lock-up.
16:25You're going to see my insurance broker.
16:27No.
16:30Do you want to push?
16:32Arthur, are you there?
16:34Oh, Ray.
16:35Hello, Mr Cooper.
16:36I'm looking for Arthur.
16:37I've been down the car lock.
16:38There's no sign of him or his cars.
16:40Has he retired?
16:41Arthur?
16:41No, not at all.
16:42He'll be back later.
16:44What can I help?
16:45Well, I'm interested in that red box, all of his.
16:48Don't tell me it's gone.
16:49No, it's out on a test run.
16:51What about all the other cars?
16:53Well, they're all out on test runs.
16:54All of them?
16:55Yeah, we've had a bit of a run on lately.
16:57I shouldn't have hesitated.
16:59It's always the way, innit?
17:00See, Mr Cooper's a regular Winston.
17:02Always buys his cars off of Arthur.
17:04Here, pick up that clipboard for me, will you?
17:05Yeah, always bought them from him.
17:07Looks like I'll have to go somewhere else this time.
17:09Pity.
17:09I was very keen on that Vauxhall.
17:12Look, if you're a regular customer, the least we can do is look after you.
17:16Give us your phone number.
17:18I'll persuade the guy that's taking out the Vauxhall for a drive to try another car.
17:21Really?
17:22Yeah.
17:22Yeah, look, here's my card.
17:24And I'll see you all right for a drink, eh?
17:26You leave it with us, Mr Cooper.
17:28I'll give you a ring as soon as I've got my hands on it.
17:30Great.
17:31See you, Ray.
17:31Regards to Arthur.
17:33Yeah, latest.
17:36And just how do you propose to accommodate the man?
17:38The Vauxhall's out on hire.
17:39It was due back this morning.
17:41That punter only hired it out for a day.
17:43I remember him saying that if he liked it, he'd be back to extend the hire period.
17:47He hasn't come back.
17:49So?
17:49So?
17:50We repossess it.
17:52You mean we teave it?
17:53No, not exactly.
17:55I feel really bad about Arthur's car.
17:57This'll help make it up to him.
18:04There you go, my love.
18:05Now remember, it's pellets for the ferrets and carrots for the rabbits.
18:08And if you've got any left over, have a fryer.
18:11The point is, Tony, am I covered if my car is mistakenly hired out to a man who does a
18:17runner and crashes it?
18:18Is that what happened?
18:20No, but it's imminent.
18:21Now, come on, you're my insurance broker.
18:22What's the situation?
18:23All right, this geezer had done a runner.
18:25How did he pay?
18:26I don't know.
18:27The boy's hired it to him.
18:28Why?
18:28Does it matter?
18:29Well, yeah.
18:30If he paid by cheque and the cheque bounces, you're covered.
18:33But if he paid by cash, you could be in stup.
18:36Well, I know he gave a false address.
18:37Oh, well, that helps.
18:38Yeah, but it don't help me.
18:39Leave it to me, Arthur.
18:40I shall make inquiries.
18:42Now, while you're here, can I interest you in the talk list?
18:44Fresh in today.
18:46Too frenetic.
18:48There it is.
18:49Just down the road.
18:50Pull in, Ray.
18:55Wait a minute.
18:56It's not a problem.
18:57I'll tell him the car's due back.
18:59What happens if he wants to hire it out for longer?
19:02Complications.
19:03A nice clean bit of repo, that's easier.
19:05We just have to pick our moment.
19:14I'll get my hand on that joyrider.
19:16He'll be driving a Robin Reliant.
19:18I've got to pick her indoors up in a minute.
19:19Can you imagine her reaction when she sees me sitting in a Mark II Cortina?
19:52I'll get a seat most of her.
19:52I'll get to the clip.
19:54I've just had a check run on the PNC, Sarge.
19:57I think you might find this interesting.
20:05Well done, Field.
20:20Have you got news about my stolen car, then?
20:22Depends which one you're talking about.
20:24My car, the Daimler.
20:26One hour ago, it was driven into the Newport Pagnall service station.
20:30Thank all for that. It's all right, then?
20:32Don't know.
20:34The driver filled up, then ruled off without paying.
20:37Hey, hang about. What do you mean, which one?
20:39Only one car, wasn't it?
20:41Oh, no, David.
20:43This car you're driving, you say it's yours?
20:46Yeah.
20:47According to our computer, it was stolen two months ago in Brighton.
20:52Now, unless you've got a very good explanation,
20:54I'm going to do you for receiving a stolen car.
21:20Are you sure I can't give you boys something for all this trouble?
21:24No, it was no trouble, Mr. Cooper.
21:27All part of the Arthur Daly deal, Mr. Cooper.
21:29I hope it gives you a great deal of pleasure.
21:32Happy motoring.
21:36Touch me.
21:39West Midlands...
21:40If I understand you correctly,
21:41you claim you don't know how long you've had this court in.
21:43Why is it that reporters and police officers
21:45always use claim when they should say say or state?
21:49Claim sounds iffy, doesn't it?
21:50That's why you lot like it.
21:52With claim, you've got some poor sod halfway to Dartmoor
21:54before you're even warmed up.
21:55You say you don't know how long you've had this court in.
21:58You say you haven't got the logbook.
22:00You say you don't know who sold it to.
22:01It's all a bit vague, isn't it?
22:02Just got another report on the Daimler, Sarge.
22:04Seen going the wrong way for one-way alley in Birmingham.
22:08Eluded pursuing patrol car.
22:12That's all right.
22:13I've got it.
22:18Hello, Daly and Er...
22:20Hello, aren't they?
22:22I haven't seen him for some time.
22:25Yeah, hold on.
22:26I'll make a nap.
22:28Outside the Shutman Arcade.
22:31Right, I'll let him know when he comes in.
22:33Yeah, bye.
22:37It's not looking good, Daly, is it?
22:39It's obvious what's happened.
22:40If it was obvious, we wouldn't have spent the time of day in your private zoo, would we?
22:43Look, the bloke who done the roadrunner in my Daimler.
22:45What about him?
22:46Well, he's your man.
22:47Instead of addressing me, you should be charging up the motorway and catching him.
22:51Yes, but he's in your Daimler, isn't he?
22:52Not in someone else's Cortina.
22:54God, I'm going to have to draw pictures.
22:55I can see that.
22:56Look, before he went on the rampage in the Daimler,
22:59he must have had the front to dump the bent Cortina in my car lot.
23:03Diabolical liberty.
23:05I think you'd better come back to the Nick, don't you?
23:09Thank you, Mr. Thelper-dribbly.
23:11Can I interest you in a parent, Sergeant?
23:21You wait here, mother-in-law.
23:23I know what you need.
23:28I won't be a minute.
23:30Okay.
23:32Hey, stop, thief!
23:34You thief!
23:36God, someone call the police!
23:39You thief!
23:40Yeah, thief!
23:44Thief you!
23:47Thief!
23:48Thief!
23:58Thief!
23:58Stop!
24:00Stop!
24:01Oh, my God!
24:06Now, don't fret.
24:08Don't upset yourself.
24:11Bloody lunatic!
24:13This is all becoming a great cause of aggravation to me, Dan.
24:16You can always drop me on the corner.
24:18I've got enough on my plate.
24:20I don't have to worry about you and some bent car in your involvement.
24:23I am not involved with some bent car in,
24:25and I want to see my solicitor.
24:27For everything, there is a time.
24:28For everything, there is a sense.
24:30What's that supposed to be?
24:31Did you come see your solicitor?
24:43I'm going to give you an official fortune down the stage,
24:48and then you can make a stake.
24:49Didn't you feel very good?
24:50I'll let you see your solicitor.
24:51Look at him!
25:01I want a police officer!
25:02I want a police officer!
25:04Then you've come to the right place, my old sunshine.
25:14All right.
25:16I wonder what's happened to Arthur.
25:18I don't know.
25:18He'll turn up.
25:19He always does.
25:20He'll be right chuffed about that Vauxhall, though.
25:22I mean, he'll probably give us a bonus for selling it.
25:24He didn't get the last one.
25:24Remember that?
25:25Yeah, you're right, then, Winston.
25:26I'll have to remind him about that.
25:28Ladies?
25:28I don't know.
25:29You invite us out for a drink,
25:30and all you do is talk about work.
25:32All right, then.
25:33What do you two do,
25:34apart from chatting up two handsome young men?
25:37We'll do a bit of work with Linda's brothers.
25:39Come on, you lot.
25:39Let's go.
25:42In the back.
25:45I'm sure you don't think I'd steal a car and then take my mother-in-law for a drive in
25:49it.
25:50Mr. Dean Cooper,
25:51I am constantly surprised at what people do.
25:55You were clocked doing speeds in excess of 70 miles an hour
25:59while attempting to escape a police car in pursuit.
26:02I didn't know they were police.
26:03I assumed it was that maniac who attacked me on the high streets,
26:06and I hope you're going to charge him.
26:07At the moment, I'm considering charging you, eh?
26:11I've got a nice list of offences, starting with the theft of a car.
26:14It's my car. I bought it.
26:16Don't tell me you bought it off a bloke in a pub.
26:18You haven't got the documents.
26:19He's going to post them on to you, but you don't know what his name is.
26:22Why are you saying that?
26:25Let's put it down to years of experience in the job, Mr. Cooper.
26:29A very nice touch, Nicky-nick, with your mother-in-law.
26:31Eh?
26:32Such a charming old lady.
26:34What have you done with her?
26:36She hasn't been charged.
26:37No, not yet.
26:39She's been looked after by one of my WPCs.
26:42Whether I charge her or not is largely down to you.
26:45Down to me?
26:46Well, this is insanity. Why is it down to me?
26:49You put your hands up to stealing that car,
26:51and I will look very reasonably upon your mother-in-law.
26:54Do my best to give her out the case.
26:56I did not buy that car from a man in the pub.
26:59I have got the documents at home,
27:00and the man I bought it from was called Arthur Daly.
27:04Look, Mr. Jarvis, either it's your car or it isn't.
27:07Which is it?
27:08I'd hired it from a man called Arthur Daly.
27:14You do well to pop up and tell Morley to stop minying around West London
27:18and centre his investigations in Rome and Brussels.
27:21I'm very big on the continent, you know.
27:23I'm into Europe.
27:24This is obviously the work of my business rivals.
27:27You don't really think I'll go swanning around in a bent car
27:29with her indoors perched on them fur-lined seats, do you?
27:32Oh, God.
27:35I'll get him in.
27:36Ray.
27:37Right, then.
27:38What's everybody having, then?
27:39Oh, much though it pains me to turn away custom,
27:41it appears that Arthur is in need of your help.
27:44What's the problem?
27:45Difficult to tell, really.
27:45He's down to local Nick.
27:47He's been on the phone to me demanding lawyers,
27:49insurance brokers,
27:50Amnesty International.
27:56What, you can't go in there, old son.
27:58Yeah, there's a perfectly simple explanation to order this.
28:01It's been a completely...
28:02DS is querying an item on the list of stolen goods
28:05on that last report.
28:06Which one?
28:07Um, one lady's wristwatch.
28:11You're being a bit previous, weren't you?
28:13Repossessing a car that's only a day overdue.
28:15Of course he wasn't.
28:16I'm a running rocks fam shop.
28:18And no one of my major executives has cleared up this matter.
28:20Sir, I'll take your apology as read
28:22and I'd like to vacate these premises.
28:25You're free to go.
28:27Sir.
28:27For the moment, I shall be making further inquiries.
28:30I'd like the keys to the Cortina.
28:31The Cortina stays here, it's stolen property.
28:34And you should know
28:35that two of the cars you've hired out
28:37have broken down in the street on our ground.
28:39And we've stopped a further five
28:41that are without a current MOT certificate.
28:44Yeah, by the way, Arthur,
28:45I think you should ring Artie.
28:46She seemed a bit put out.
28:47Oh, God, well, it never end.
29:08I think it'd be a good thing to bring.
29:20Now apart from all this, after that conversation I've been listening to which
29:25her indoors had with herself, I have now got nowhere to sleep tonight. Now I know
29:30I know in each life a little rain must fall but that doesn't give you two the
29:34right to pour Niagara on my care-worn trilby. Leave it to me Arthur, you've had
29:39enough for one day. Yeah hello, Dalian. Oh yeah. What? Yeah right I'll tell him.
29:50That was Morley's office. The Daimler was seen 30 minutes ago traveling
29:54ice-speed through a pedestrian precinct in Liverpool.
30:09Oh thanks Andy. I'll tell you if we don't find who's responsible for these
30:14burglaries soon I'm gonna be facing a divorce. I can't see any pattern. Some a
30:19day, some a night, some a forced entry, some a lot that have gone through the front door with a
30:22key. Feed the inner man, Sarge. Take five minutes off. On top of that I've got Arthur
30:28Daly causing bloody havoc with his hired cars. Just a minute. We had a member of
30:36the public saw a grey Fiesta parked around the back of that last house to be done
30:40over. That's not been eliminated yet. Get a list of all Daly's stock, all the cars he's
30:45hired out. See if there's a grey Ford Fiesta on it. No? Yeah. We're awake. Don't see why he should
30:51be sleeping. What do you think then? Don't seem to get many people in here do they?
30:56Don't start Dave off. You get 20 minutes and whatever happened to the drinking
30:59classes. So where do you reckon Arthur's gonna spend the night then, Ray? I don't know.
31:04He'll probably go home. So who's for another then? That's all right. I'll get him in. No you won't. It's
31:08our turn.
31:09I'm looking for Arthur Daly. So? Well you tell me. You're his minder. I'm off duty.
31:17Tried his own? Yeah. One irate wife. No Arthur Daly. Do you want a drink? Not while I'm on duty.
31:26Like Ray said, Sarah, we're not on duty. All right. Can I have the same again please?
31:31Yeah, of course. That'll double my take-ins for the night. What's going on? Where's Ray? Raymond?
31:54Oh, this is nice, isn't it? I'm tramping the streets looking for a cardboard box while my staff are
31:58having a bacchanalian orgy on my premises. Arthur, I do happen to live here. What do you want?
32:02No, I want them out for a start. All right. We can take a hint. Come on, Sarah.
32:09Hold on, Arthur. Hold on, girls. I mean, Arthur, this is my own. On which I owe the lease.
32:13Yeah, but there's nothing in the lease that says I can't entertain guests in the evening.
32:16There will be tomorrow. Yeah, hold on. Forget it, Ray. Yeah, but Linda.
32:19No, Sarah. Yeah, we can get off from, will you? Get it together, mate.
32:33That's a shibunkin' and a fantail, isn't it? Is it? Yes. Look, I'm sorry about this disturbing you
32:41at this time of night. It is urgent and I can't find Mr. Daly. It's just like Arthur.
32:47When you don't want him, there he is. Selling your musical rocks and underwater windmills.
32:54Underwater windmills? Exactly. I've still got two gross of them left.
32:58Wouldn't it be easier doing that with the light on?
33:01What, and have your shibunkin' awake half the night?
33:09You're bang out of order, Arthur. You've just ruined what was turning out to be a blinding evening.
33:13It's time you showed a bit of maturity and started thinking above the waist.
33:16Arthur, you might have taken a vow of celibacy. Doesn't mean the rest of us have to.
33:19Look, I am surrounded on all sides by major aggravation and all you think about is getting your leg over.
33:24It's not good enough. It's delineation of duty. If this were wartime, I could have you taken out and shot.
33:29Charming. It's all down to me then, is it?
33:30Yes, it is.
33:31Oh, whenever anything goes wrong, it's always my fault. Whenever it goes right, it's down to you.
33:35Thank you, Raymond. I'm glad at last you're seeing how things really are.
33:38Oh, I see how things really are, Arthur. I've had it up to here with you.
33:41You can get yourself another mind. I'll work all the hours that God give me.
33:44And for what, eh? Third world wages and first class crap.
33:48I should live to be a family. Talk to me like that.
33:51All right, if that's what you want, that's what you'll get.
33:53When all those cars are back and that car boot sale's out of the way, you can leave.
33:57And don't come back looking for a reference.
33:59A reference? Don't worry. I'll be looking for a decent job, not ten years inside.
34:04I'm going to bed. You can kip on a couch.
34:06Right.
34:07Right.
34:38Got them from Daly's insurance broker.
34:40Thought they'd brighten up the office.
34:41Good God, Field.
34:43It's just as well he hasn't got a sideline selling garden manure, isn't it?
34:46I don't want livestock clattering up the office.
34:49Well, what shall I do with them, then?
34:50Well, you can take them down the canteen and ask them to grill them for you.
34:55Where's that list of cars?
34:58Daly currently owns three Ford Fiestas.
35:02Two of them are grey.
35:25Here you go, Arthur.
35:27A blanket and a nightcap.
35:29Large vodka.
35:35Good night, Rayne.
35:38Good night, Arthur.
35:45Good night, Arthur.
36:00Hangy.
36:01Hangy on the doorknocker.
36:03Not even a note.
36:05Whatever happened to love, honour and obey?
36:07A bit like me, Arthur.
36:08Redundant.
36:09What you gonna do?
36:11I'll change later.
36:12Oh.
36:14I meant about auntie.
36:15I shall maintain a dignified silence that always unnerves her indoors.
36:19Come on, booze.
36:21We've got a big day ahead.
36:23Car boot sale.
36:24Happy hour to Winchester.
36:27Happy hour.
36:30Kingco, madam.
36:33One for you, love.
36:34There you go.
36:36Yep, another one here.
36:44Look, look.
36:46I don't want any more trouble from you, eh?
36:48First one here gets first choice of pitch, right?
36:50If you don't want any more trouble, there better not be any ice cream in that canteen.
36:55Hey, hey.
36:56We can't take these in the car boot sale.
36:58Oh, yes, we can.
36:59He hired a car.
37:00I bought one.
37:01We're entitled to a free pitch.
37:02Do right.
37:03So what about opening these gates?
37:04What about all these lorries?
37:06They belong to people who hired one of your cars.
37:09Same thing applies.
37:11Bloody professionals.
37:12Ray, get over the lock-up.
37:14Load up as much stuff as you can.
37:16Paris originals, Turkish tales, two can play at this game.
37:19We'll knock them out from the back of your car.
37:20Right.
37:21Winston?
37:21Yeah?
37:22Get those gates open.
37:23Right.
37:26We'll do that for women first.
37:38Now, come on, darling.
37:39Give yourself a treat.
37:40On bath night, wrap yourself in one of these.
37:43I'll be back in a minute, Wynn.
37:43I'm just going to have a look around, yeah?
37:45All right.
37:45$8.99.
37:50How do Turkish tales going?
37:51Slow, Arthur.
37:52I'm not surprised.
37:53Blunk on that lorry is selling them a pound cheaper.
37:55Right.
37:55Not two quid off ours.
37:56Right.
37:59Here, Wynn.
38:00Two quid off them.
38:02Yeah.
38:03$6.99.
38:04Linda.
38:05Right.
38:07Hello, young man.
38:09How are you?
38:11Something for your girlfriend?
38:12No, for me mother, actually.
38:14Had a result of the dogs the other day.
38:16What can you offer me?
38:18A watch?
38:19Yeah.
38:20I don't know.
38:21It looks nice.
38:23That is lovely.
38:24How much is this?
38:25To you, Ray, you're going to have it for 20 quid?
38:2820 quid?
38:29Yeah, me mum would love it.
38:31Done.
38:32I'll take it.
38:33It is a go, isn't it?
38:34Of course it is.
38:35Here.
38:3620 nudes.
38:37There you go.
38:40Right, lads.
38:41Stick on behind the bar.
38:43All this stock.
38:44I hope Arthur's right.
38:53I'm just going to the Winchester to change.
38:55When you've finished here, pop over to the car lot, get all the vehicles back on site.
38:59I've had enough of the car, all right?
39:01I won't keep you a minute.
39:03Here, Winchester, have a look at this.
39:05Tasty, eh?
39:06Got it from me mum.
39:10Where'd you get this?
39:11I bought it from Linda.
39:14It's nicked.
39:15You're joking.
39:15Yeah.
39:16When I was waiting for you and Arthur at the station, they were going through a list of
39:19stolen goods.
39:20They were having a joke about this.
39:22She typed pimple instead of dimple.
39:24Surely not.
39:25There must be hundreds of them.
39:26All in this manner, where one's just been nicked in a burglary.
39:29You're Arthur.
39:30This watch has been nicked.
39:31So has my suit and shirt.
39:32Did you sell them?
39:33Of course I didn't.
39:34Well, they've been nicked.
39:34Stuff your suit.
39:35What about this watch?
39:36That Linda sold me a dodgy kettle.
39:37Still thinking of crumpets.
39:39Just as well you're leading.
39:40Come on.
39:41Winchester Club.
39:59I've changed my mind.
40:01I don't want to go to the Winchester Club.
40:03Take me to the Arthur Daly car lot and wait for me.
40:06Yes, go.
40:07Take my advice.
40:09You won't buy a cart from him.
40:22Linda Daly, 31 Indleswick Road.
40:25It hasn't been the same since they abolished caning, birching and hanging.
40:30I had an MP in the back last week.
40:32Oh, yeah.
40:32Look, I want to get to Indleswick Road in hurry.
40:34Does this earth do more than 30 miles an hour?
40:38See, what I want to know, Linda, is where you got this watch.
40:41It's bent.
40:43And what you do is your business.
40:44But when you're selling me yucky watches for my mum, well, that's mine, ain't it?
40:48You greedy cow.
40:49I gave you that to keep.
40:51I'm not covering the rest of your tat.
40:54Now get out of the way while we're giving this pair a bit of discipline.
41:07Oh, yes, this modern generation.
41:09They're all wimps.
41:10Can you imagine them fighting in a war like that?
41:12Yeah, yeah, all right.
41:13You wait for me and tell me when I come back.
41:28Arthur, what are you doing here?
41:31Oh, someone's got to look after you, Ray.
41:46You'll find another two in the living room.
41:48You'll also find a stuff nicked from those house burglaries.
41:51I'll blame you for this field.
41:52Yep.
41:53If you hadn't suggested going to that other address first.
41:59As it goes, Arthur Daly will now be claiming the insurance reward.
42:04And that pains me, that pains me greatly.
42:07Uh, Mr. Morley, you, uh, managed to clean up the mess all right?
42:11Ray, Winnie, come on.
42:19I didn't know you knew karate, Arthur.
42:22Ah, there's a lot of things you don't know about me and my son.
42:24Perhaps I should stick around while you teach me, eh?
42:27Yeah, perhaps you should.
42:29Insurance reward, eh?
42:31That should make a tasty little learner.
42:32Split three ways, Mr. Daly.
42:35Arthur.
42:36Yeah, of course.
42:37Split three ways, Winston.
42:40Oh, come on, Ray.
42:41Hurry up, move.
42:43We'll be late for the happy hour.
42:44Come on.
42:45Come on.
42:47Come on.
42:49Come on.
42:50Come on.
42:50Come on.
42:51Yeah.
42:54Look at that.
43:04Dave, you'll make a fortune out of this.
43:07What are you going to do?
43:08Well, let's hope they stay on when prices go back to normal.
43:11Don't worry, Dave.
43:12I think they're just warming and a sense of the occasion.
43:15Remember what I told you?
43:17Good night, mate.
43:18What are you going to do?
43:19Yes, good night.
43:30Dane, I think I hear the end of the hour at the hour.
43:57Thanks, Arthur.
44:02I think I hear the end of the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the
44:03hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at
44:03the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour
44:16at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the
44:17hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at
44:18the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour
44:18at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the
44:19hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at
44:19the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour
44:20at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the
44:21hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at the hour at
44:28the
44:32What have you been doing with my car?
44:34Driving it around England.
44:37If you take my advice, you'll get the timing checked.
44:39It gets a bit noisy at 130.
44:43Thanks for the hour.
Comments