- 2 days ago
First broadcast 21st November 1991.
Arthur buys a coach from the cash-strapped local police to use for sight-seeing tours.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Stephen Tompkinson - D.C. Park (credit only)
Trevor Peacock - Previous
Geoffrey Whitehead - Superintendent Roden
Rory Edwards - Denny Willis
Lisa Jacobs - Lorraine
Simon Cowell-Parker - Simon Perkins
Patrick Godfrey - Major Beatty
Brian Greene - Mr. Corelli
Margaret Robertson - Mrs. Corelli
Martin Milman - Hart
Clive Kneller - Rambo
Nick Hobbs - Heavy
Mike Mungarvan - Policeman
Peter Roy - Golf Club Member
Cy Town - Golf Club Member
Arthur buys a coach from the cash-strapped local police to use for sight-seeing tours.
George Cole - Arthur
Gary Webster - Ray
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Nicholas Day - D.S. Morley
Stephen Tompkinson - D.C. Park (credit only)
Trevor Peacock - Previous
Geoffrey Whitehead - Superintendent Roden
Rory Edwards - Denny Willis
Lisa Jacobs - Lorraine
Simon Cowell-Parker - Simon Perkins
Patrick Godfrey - Major Beatty
Brian Greene - Mr. Corelli
Margaret Robertson - Mrs. Corelli
Martin Milman - Hart
Clive Kneller - Rambo
Nick Hobbs - Heavy
Mike Mungarvan - Policeman
Peter Roy - Golf Club Member
Cy Town - Golf Club Member
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:02Fresh air, exercise, you said you wanted to get out more.
00:05Didn't mean I want to sit on a wooden bench all day watching a load of scruffy old drunks
00:09while you're in the bar getting legless.
00:11What are you implying? Some of my fellow members here are your movers and shakers.
00:14Leading estate agents, some of them.
00:17They're just as familiar with the inside of a pair of designer casuals as you are.
00:21Look at them.
00:22The only moving and shaking that lot are going to do is when they haven't had a drink for ten
00:25minutes.
00:26Haven't you heard of executive stress?
00:28Yes. We captains of industry like to unwind from the strain of Britain's economic turnaround.
00:34We like to do it at places like this.
00:36Yeah, well, I suppose it is a bit smarter than the Winchester.
00:40You're still sadly lacking, Raymond, in Eurovision.
00:43This place is stuffed with foreigners, all members of the EEC.
00:47It's just as well you've got me grooming you for the single currency decade.
00:50Well, you can say that again. I'm nearly down to single currency now.
00:53Take the clubs over there and I'll see you later.
01:02Give me the phone. Give me the phone, mate.
01:04Packed up, didn't it? That's only the freight.
01:05Give us it.
01:09Always happy to help an old friend. Yes, certainly.
01:11Yes.
01:13200k.
01:14That's a little below my usual margin, but never mind.
01:17How does Lady Tess go, by the way?
01:20No, no, no. Just enjoying a moment of respite at my golf club.
01:23Must go. Bye-bye.
01:24Simon!
01:26In the EEC of a takeover, I all but missed you.
01:28That's perfectly all right, Arthur.
01:29Not at all, not at all. I understand congratulations are in order.
01:33Raymond, you are looking at the man who's got his hand on the club rudder.
01:35Mr. Perkins has been elected our new captain.
01:38Simon, I was hoping you'd have a quick word.
01:40In the excitement of your election, you probably fail to notice that my period of provisional membership is drawing to
01:46a close.
01:47No, Arthur. I hadn't forgotten.
01:48Oh, good, good.
01:49So I presume I can look forward to a smooth transition to full membership in a week's time?
01:53Obviously, you wouldn't expect me to pre-empt the membership committee decision.
01:57Perish the thought, Simon. Perish the thought.
01:59It's just that a few of my business associates in the upmarket end of the consumer chain are anxious to
02:06pencil in an invite here in their windows.
02:08And while I'm still just a provisional member...
02:10Arthur, let me say this. We're in a wait-and-see situation here, okay?
02:14Oh, fine, fine. Anything I can do. You know, oil the waters.
02:17Well, you know, work, quite frankly, around wouldn't do your chances any harm.
02:20What, another one? I've bought so many since I've been coming here, I'm thinking of taking out a second mortgage.
02:25On the course.
02:26Yes. You do seem to spend a lot of your time here in the bar.
02:29And we are, after all, a golf club and a particularly attractive one.
02:32Oh, yes, indeed. No, no, I'm looking forward to it.
02:34As soon as the old back trouble settles down.
02:36Oh, absolutely.
02:36Would you rely on me for the upmarket punters?
02:39Arthur! Arthur, I thought it was you.
02:43Previous. What are you doing here?
02:45Reardon's one of our caddies.
02:47Oh, really? Oh, he used to do odd jobs for me.
02:49How are you, Reardon?
02:52Oh, I'm not long out, Arthur.
02:54I came round to see you the day I was released.
02:57But you've moved the lock-up.
02:59If you'll excuse me, you both obviously have a great deal to talk about.
03:01No, no, no, not at all. Not at all.
03:03Arthur Daly. What a bit of luck bumping into you.
03:07You don't half-pick your moments previous.
03:09Couldn't you see I was trying to get my membership sorted?
03:38He's not here, is he?
03:41You'd better leave a card, then.
03:55I am permanently at the mercy of the world of iFinance.
03:58I do not have time to play golf, so I do not need a caddy.
04:01Nice to see you, Previous.
04:03Less of the Previous, Arthur. I'm the professor now.
04:06If it's one of them certificates from Milton Keynes University, forget it.
04:09Well, Shari ran them off on his daughter's toy printing kit.
04:12No, no, it's my name, Professor.
04:15I've got to be a trustee at the Scrubs.
04:17They let me push the library trolley around.
04:19Fascinating. Look, I want you to do me a favour.
04:22Next time you see me here, don't know me, right?
04:25Fair enough, Arthur. Shall we say a tenner?
04:27Yeah, by all means. There you are. There's a quid on account.
04:30The rest on satisfactory completion of the agreement.
04:32I'll be seeing you.
04:34No, you won't.
04:42Major Beattie, how very kind of you to be here, sir.
04:44Got your letter. Came as asked.
04:46Usuals?
04:48I think we'll have them in the committee room.
04:49Oh, and a large V&T for me.
04:51Oh, right-o, sir.
04:52Yeah, on my slate, as usual.
04:53I'm afraid a credit tariff is only accorded to full members, Arthur.
04:56Provisional members are required to settle in cash.
04:58Silly me. I've forgotten.
04:59Don't think I've met you.
05:00Beattie.
05:01Yeah, Arthur Daly. Entrepreneur on a Europe-wide basis.
05:04Major's our senior member.
05:05Glad to have you with us, Daly.
05:06Oh, glad to come aboard.
05:08I do a lot of trade with a wing commander.
05:10I wonder if you know him.
05:11If you're excuses, Arthur.
05:12Of course.
05:13Committee business, gentlemen.
05:15See you later.
05:16Yes.
05:17Go away, sir.
05:18Go away, sir.
05:18Go away, sir.
05:19Go away, sir.
05:19Go away, sir.
05:20It's an absolute disgrace.
05:22It's something about you.
05:23It just seems crazy, sir.
05:25I mean, I joined the force to catch villains, not to help them make money.
05:30You're behind the times, Michael.
05:31That's all over now, catching villains.
05:34The accounts are in charge now, and I've just had the whisper from the yard.
05:37They'll be around for a surprise look at the books tomorrow morning, which gives us just
05:40under one day to show a loss.
05:42Yeah, but we've done really well this year, sir.
05:44Overtime's been right down.
05:46Expenses are cut to the bone.
05:48Now we've got to give everything we save from public funds to decrease this little scope
05:52we know.
05:53Doesn't make sense, sir.
05:54Listen.
05:55Do you want to see our next year's budget cut because we've done so well with this one?
05:59No, sir.
05:59Neither do I.
06:01We've got to have more money next year, not less, so we can do the job better, which
06:04means this year we have to be seen to make a loss.
06:07So, can you think of anyone we can better turn to in our time of need?
06:13Neither can I.
06:15I don't care how bent he is.
06:17Get me daily.
06:18Yes, you always got a good cup of tea in Brixton.
06:21E-wing was E-wing in those days.
06:23Gone right down now.
06:25I-I was once in the showers with one of the great train robbers.
06:29Well, it was a long time ago.
06:31Pretty it wasn't a bit more recent.
06:33Excuse me.
06:35Here, do you want to hand?
06:37No, I wouldn't mind.
06:39It's, uh, for the recycling lorry.
06:41Well, I'm all for saving resources.
06:42Oh, you want to wear something different, then?
06:44That suit won't last five minutes if you're going out caddying.
06:47Well, I wouldn't have put this on if Alana was coming here, would I?
06:50At least, at least, I knew I was going to bump into you.
06:53The name's Ray.
06:54You're the catering manageress, ain't you?
06:56That's right.
06:58Oh, you know, it's funny.
06:59I feel sort of lucky meeting you, Ray.
07:02Yeah, I expect that's my animal magnetism.
07:04Oh, I don't know.
07:06Maybe it's more the fact I've got another six of them in the clubhouse.
07:10You're positive that this is the feeling of the committee as a whole.
07:15Oh, don't for heaven's sake get me wrong.
07:16I feel the whole committee feels a deep gratitude
07:20for the enormous contribution you've made to it over many years.
07:24I mean, all we're asking, suggesting,
07:27is that you make way for someone younger.
07:30Whilst continuing to enjoy your deserved position as senior member.
07:36You'll have my letter.
07:37Well, not resignation this afternoon.
07:40No, I don't have a handicap.
07:42It's just I have this back trouble.
07:44Gets me...
07:44Have you got a moment, Mr. Daly?
07:47Oh, yeah.
07:50Excuse me, Marcel.
07:52One of my charity cases.
07:57I take it you are aware this is a members-only establishment.
08:02A bit pricey for you here, isn't it?
08:04Speculation accumulation, Mr. Morley.
08:06Look, I do not have time for idle banter.
08:08How can I assist in the continuing fight against crime?
08:11I'd like you to accompany me to the station.
08:14Those facsimile four-wheel drive kits
08:17were genuine collector's items.
08:19They were never meant to be used on the public highway.
08:21Save it, Daly.
08:22It's my painful duty to ask you, Daly,
08:25if you'd like to buy a police transport coach.
08:31Is this a fit-up?
08:32No, it's not.
08:35In that case, Mr. Morley,
08:37I would advise you to think again.
08:40They're bound to notice it's gone.
08:42Think of your pension.
08:43This is a legitimate proposition, Daly.
08:46It's kosher.
08:48I'm here on behalf of Superintendent Roden
08:51to ask if you want to come back to the Nick
08:53and view it immediately.
08:56Oh, thanks ever so much.
08:58I've been hanging around with the caddies all afternoon.
09:00Oh, look at you.
09:01I feel really guilty.
09:02That's all right.
09:03Of course, if you're worried about making it up to me,
09:05I won't say no to a drink.
09:06I'll have a web with the bar.
09:08I'm not here.
09:09I always think we could go somewhere
09:10a little bit more environmentally friendly.
09:13I am at work, you know.
09:14It'll have to be this evening, then, won't it?
09:16Oi, you're supposed to be on call to me.
09:18You're not rippling your forceps out here.
09:20Don't believe you, my dear.
09:21He's a born deceiver.
09:22Married man with four children.
09:24Married, eh?
09:25Give it a rest, Arthur.
09:27I wish you would.
09:28Meanwhile, the taxi of opportunity
09:29approaches yet again with its amber light up.
09:31Come on.
09:32I'm busy.
09:34Yeah, so am I.
09:37Thanks a lot, Arthur.
09:38You don't like it here, remember?
09:54That it?
09:55Yeah, I think so.
09:56Looks a nice little runner.
09:58They can't wait to get shot of it.
09:59I'm not surprised.
10:00If you ask me, you're throwing your money away.
10:02Raymond, vision.
10:04And I had one at the golf club.
10:06You want a bit more tonic with it, then?
10:07A Eurovision.
10:11When I was here, old in Morley,
10:12the clouds parted, and I suddenly saw it.
10:15What?
10:17Daily tours.
10:19Yeah, what?
10:19Abroad?
10:20Yeah, certainly not.
10:21I ain't abroad.
10:22No, London.
10:23Coach load of punters,
10:24ten minutes round the site,
10:25and then back for another lot.
10:26Arthur, all those routes are sewn up.
10:28You'll never get in.
10:29No, we won't be using those routes.
10:30We'll show them the London the punter never sees.
10:32Take the coach over to the golf club
10:34and pick up Professor Reardon.
10:35Who's he?
10:36Previous.
10:37Take him over the lockup.
10:38Are you sure he's a danger of public health?
10:40Professor Reardon has extensive educational knowledge.
10:43He used to run a library.
10:45I'm engaging him to create a series of
10:47teach yourself English lessons on tape.
10:49We'll knock him out on the tours.
10:50Yeah?
10:51Yeah.
10:53I'll meet you back at the lockup
10:54and we'll take the coach over to Heathrow
10:57for a trial run.
10:58All right.
11:00Uh, Superintendent Roden,
11:02this is Arthur Daly
11:04and his nephew.
11:05Mr. Daly.
11:06Superintendent.
11:07You've seen the coach.
11:08I'm afraid I have.
11:09Oh, dear, oh, dear.
11:11You think the guardians of our liberty
11:12have been shunted around in a vehicle like that?
11:14If you ask me, it's a national disgrace.
11:16I couldn't agree more.
11:17Well, Ray will do the test drive,
11:19if you'd like to let him have the keys.
11:20I assume he's PSV.
11:22Mr. Morley, all my staff are fully qualified.
11:25Off you go, Ray.
11:26He does, of course, come with a regular service history.
11:28I assume that naturally.
11:30Mr. Morley knows my standards.
11:32Uh, Superintendent,
11:34man to man,
11:36can I take it that the mileage
11:37really is as low as it says on the clock?
11:39You can rely on us, Mr. Daly.
11:42Would you care to hazard a figure?
11:46Hmm.
11:48Well, sadly,
11:49in these inflationary times,
11:51I, uh,
11:51I can't be as generous as I wish to be.
11:54However...
11:55Okay.
11:57How much?
11:58Well, I didn't invent VAT.
12:00Perfect.
12:01Mr. Daly,
12:02you've got yourself a deal.
12:30What a nice surprise.
12:31I've only got one thing to say.
12:33What did I say to you, Arthur?
12:35Facsimile...
12:35Four-wheel-drive kits.
12:37Collectors' items?
12:38Originally sold in kit form.
12:40I told you I flogged at the Kuypris.
12:42So he told me, Arthur.
12:44That's why I'm here.
12:45Yeah, but I wasn't going to know
12:45who was going to knock them out to you, was I?
12:47If I had,
12:47I'd have provided my usual cast-iron guarantee.
12:50That might have come in handy.
12:52But he axles.
12:53As it was,
12:54old Kuypris put them together out of alley.
12:57Aluminum axles?
12:58On four-wheel-drive?
13:00Now, I wouldn't have minded so much,
13:02had he told me.
13:04Well, I wouldn't have bought them, would I?
13:06But it was being kept in the dark
13:07that got up my nose.
13:09They all collapsed on the A40
13:11on the way back to my gaff.
13:13Disgraceful.
13:14I think your best course
13:15is to have a word with Kuypris.
13:17Ah, I did.
13:18Now, the thing is, Arthur,
13:20I've got six useless motors
13:22and I'm 18 grand down.
13:2418 grand?
13:26I'll let him have the lot
13:27for nine and a half.
13:28That's without the interest
13:29at a daily rate.
13:30We'll call it 20.
13:32Then you can collect them back
13:33any time you like.
13:34Look, Danny,
13:35I really and truly would like to help,
13:36but I think you've got to
13:38put this down to Kuypris.
13:39No.
13:40It's your shout, Arthur.
13:42But I haven't got 20 grand.
13:43Business is terrible.
13:45I haven't even got 20 sobs.
13:50Look, Danny,
13:50I really am sorry to hear
13:52that you should lose
13:53your hard-earned in this way,
13:54but that has to be my last word.
13:56Now, would you let me out, please?
13:58I'll give you till this afternoon
14:00or else what happened outside
14:01could happen to you.
14:04I think you're a bit
14:05behind the times, Danny.
14:06See, I've got a new minder.
14:08I don't think you've met him.
14:10Got here as fast as I could, Arthur.
14:12I'll gather you for job for me.
14:15Oh, my God.
14:16You know, I feel sorry for you, Arthur.
14:20I do, really.
14:21Having a bit of trouble, Arthur?
14:22Yeah, nothing you can't handle, son.
14:31Sir.
14:32Excuse me.
14:36I don't think I've had the pleasure, son.
14:39I'm Arthur's nephew, Ray Daly.
14:42And I'm Danny Willis.
14:44You'll have heard of me.
14:46And your reputation.
14:48Well, then.
14:50You know business is business.
14:54We'll save it for now.
14:56All right?
14:59That's fine by me.
15:20Later, Arthur.
15:22And I won't be short-handed.
15:48About time, too.
15:49Do you know who that was?
15:50Danny Willis.
15:51Yeah, of course.
15:52When he was dead.
15:53He said he'd be back later.
15:54Nah, he always says that.
15:56That probably means you put the frighteners on him.
15:58Well, if I did, it'd be a first.
16:00Yeah, I think I'm ready for a drink.
16:02I'm with you there, son.
16:03I've got a question.
16:04There are people out there waiting to give me money.
16:06Come on, get on the coach.
16:07No, not you previous.
16:07I've got something else for you.
16:09I'll talk to you later.
16:10Now, this is what we're going to do.
16:18Thank you very much.
16:19No, no, no.
16:19No credit cards.
16:20Yeah, £20, please.
16:22Or 5,000 yen.
16:23That's lovely.
16:24Thank you very much.
16:26Is this the bus in the tar?
16:27It is indeed.
16:28Travel in air-conditioned luxury while viewing the sights of the world's most ancient capital.
16:32You mean it's a tour?
16:33We throw in a tour on the way to the centre of the metropolis.
16:36£20 per head.
16:37Please have your money ready.
16:39It gives me that the sign says five.
16:41That is for the ordinary journey, madam.
16:43This is the daily tour.
16:46One at a time, please.
16:47Oh, let me help you, sir.
16:48Two of them purple ones.
16:50There we are.
16:51Thank you very much.
16:51In you go.
16:51Make yourself comfortable.
16:54There we go, sir.
16:56£20 per head, sir.
16:57Thank you very much.
17:08Say, fella, why don't we head London?
17:10Oh, the airport is quite a way out of the city.
17:13Okay.
17:14So when do you start your commentary?
17:16Commentary?
17:17What do you think this is, ask her?
17:20Well, it is a tour, isn't it?
17:22Yeah, of course it's a tour.
17:24So where's your commentary?
17:25Where are the sights?
17:26You're surrounded by sights.
17:29Priceless views of the historical city of London.
17:32I am not satisfied.
17:34There's 2,000 years of history out there.
17:36What do you want for 20 sobs?
17:39These aren't sights.
17:41Where's Westminster Palace?
17:42Oh, no, no, no.
17:43We don't cover them sort of sights.
17:45You don't cover them?
17:47No, no, no, no.
17:48We take you off the beaten track.
17:51We show you the real London.
17:53The London, the punter never sees.
17:56Is that right?
17:58Would I lie to you?
17:59Okay.
18:00Then where's the commentary?
18:01I never heard of a tour that doesn't have a commentary.
18:05Dwight's right.
18:06We run a commentary.
18:07Isn't that right?
18:08Well, you want the comment, can't we?
18:10Come on, too bad.
18:11There you go, fella.
18:13So let's hear it.
18:14Carment.
18:17Where the hell are we?
18:18I don't know.
18:19I wasn't looking.
18:21Hang on, yeah.
18:22I think we're just coming up to meet Custin Sharon's flats.
18:26Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
18:28Welcome to Daily Daily Tours.
18:30Arthur, it's not on.
18:32What's not on?
18:33The Moet.
18:37Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
18:39On behalf of her gracious majesty, welcome to Daily Daily Tours.
18:44The inside view of London.
18:46On the right, we are approaching a set of bijou apartments, one of which is occupied by our driver, Ray's
18:55cousin, Sharon.
18:57Sharon has blue eyes and blonde hair.
19:00He's five foot eleven and is studying with the Royal Valley Company.
19:04What are you doing?
19:05What are you doing?
19:06I'm taking a flat on the floor.
19:07Her hobbies are breeding and fine wine.
19:11Now, coming up on the left, you will see the famous star of Bengal restaurant, known locally as the Rajah's
19:18Revenge.
19:18And there, you see, look, seven seas off license and supermarket.
19:23Now, if you keep looking ahead, you'll see a particularly attractive filling station, which is known as one of the
19:31architectural jewels of West London.
19:34Coming up on the left again is a betting shop, owned for many years by Stan Sharp, a right ducker
19:40and diver from up our way.
19:42Stan was notorious in his lifetime for refusing to pay out on the fourth hall since 16 runner handicaps.
19:48Next door is the funeral parlour where he lay in state before being called to that great steward's inquiry in
19:55the sky.
19:57I understand his missus has taken over the business now.
20:00Is this for real?
20:01Look.
20:03Look.
20:04What's up?
20:05I'm going to have to pull in.
20:24This is a stop we normally make at this point in the itinerary to allow time for photographs and a
20:30chance to savour the atmosphere of the world's finest city.
20:40What the hell kind of a tour is this?
20:42You take us nowhere, now your bus is broken down.
20:45A mere technical fault.
20:46You get them on moonshots, don't you?
20:51You will notice that we choose this particular spot to allow you to view a very fine example of English
20:56statutory.
20:57A great Four Nations tribute to one of its leading heroes.
21:01Perhaps you care to step off in orderly fashion and view the actuality.
21:17Is that the House of Parliament over there?
21:22Not as such, no.
21:29What is it?
21:30I don't know.
21:31It could be anything.
21:32It felt like a blockage in the fuel pump.
21:34Whoever it is, I can't fix it.
21:35Well, you've got to, to think this is my reward for supporting law and order.
21:41Can you get my Natasha's, I guess?
21:43So who is this guy Howells?
21:46Sir Rampton.
21:47Oh, he was very active against the Zulus.
21:49You've heard of the Charge of the Light Brigade.
21:51That was in Russia.
21:52Yeah, they were Russian Zulus.
21:54In the Charge of the Light Brigade, you guys got wiped out.
21:57Ah, that is correct.
21:59But, as you rightly surmise, I mention it as a comparison.
22:04Sir Rampton Owls, KSO, is celebrated in the military trade for leading the more successful
22:11charge of the Night Brigade.
22:13It was so called because they only operated at night.
22:16Only once during their entire history did they have a daytime call-out.
22:21That was against the Zulu Revolt in 1905.
22:24The Zulus were so surprised that not a drop of blood was shed on that historic morn.
22:30Instead, Sir Rampton levied a small demand to cover expenses only, as all the lads were
22:35on double time.
22:36And as the history books tell us, that payment is now known traditionally as the Charge of
22:41the Night Brigade.
22:43Excuse me.
22:53Well, I think it's had it.
22:54It can't have.
22:56It's no good offer.
22:57The only way we'll get this going now would be to bump start it.
22:59Oh, be practical.
23:00How can we push a coach?
23:06Call me a dreamer, if you will.
23:08But I have a vision.
23:10Look at us.
23:11We fly many flags.
23:13We speak a multitude of tongues.
23:15And here we are, all about to push together with one common aim.
23:20I look at us and I think, perhaps one day the old world will be like this.
23:26Taking its vacation, pushing some wise guy's beat-up tour bus?
23:30Ask not what you can do for your country.
23:32Ask only what your country can do for you.
23:35That's the way we do it in Britain, Mr. Corelli.
23:37It may seem quaint to you, but it's got us this far.
23:40Right, everyone, after three.
23:42Aren't you pushing two?
23:44With my back?
23:45Would that I could.
23:46Come on.
23:48One, two, three.
23:53Come on, harder.
23:56Harder.
23:56Keep pushing.
24:07You see what can be achieved with international cooperation?
24:11Oh, sure.
24:12And now I'm going to show you something else it can do.
24:14You see, before we get off this bus, you are going to give each and every one of us back
24:19our money.
24:20Quite right.
24:21Well, I don't think you quite understand.
24:23Oh, I understand, all right.
24:24And I think I speak for everyone here.
24:27You see, this here is mutiny.
24:29No, no, no.
24:30When I say you don't understand, I mean, the tour hasn't finished yet.
24:34I don't know about all this offer.
24:36I mean, I don't mind a few non-members, but there is a limit.
24:38I'm caught in a storm, Dave.
24:40Anyway, think of the takings.
24:41Yours or mine?
24:42Ours, Dave.
24:43Ours.
24:44Don't forget, since you went public, your duty is to your shareholders.
24:48Me.
24:49Minority shareholder.
24:50Anyway, look, I don't want this light again.
24:52I can't lose my license.
24:54Speaking of non-members.
24:59Right.
25:09I've come for my money.
25:11Why don't you and Ray discuss it outside, Ray?
25:14Arthur.
25:15There's three of them.
25:16Dave's right, Arthur.
25:17He's side.
25:17It's a bit nippy now.
25:19I think we'll stay here.
25:2120 grand.
25:24I've got punders here.
25:26Of course you have, Arthur.
25:28That's why you won't want any mess.
25:31Now, where's my money?
25:32I told you I haven't got 20 grand.
25:35That's what I thought you'd say.
25:39Scotch.
25:45Ah, where were we?
25:48If you want me to extend your loan, I'll be needing a down payment immediately.
25:53As proof of your good intentions.
25:55I haven't got any more.
25:56Hold it right there, fella.
26:00All part of the tour.
26:02Now, you listen to me, Denny.
26:03This is well out of order.
26:04You do not rock in a booster.
26:06Your dad would never have allowed it.
26:07I think you've got no respect.
26:09None.
26:12Now then, Arthur.
26:13How much are we talking about?
26:15Well, they haven't got a little money.
26:17Hang on, Arthur.
26:18I have to say, this time, I think Denny's got a...
26:23Ah!
26:23Ah!
26:26Ah!
26:27Ah!
26:32Ah!
26:33Ah!
26:35Ah!
26:36Ah!
26:37Ah!
26:37Ah, ah!
26:40Ah!
26:41Ah!
26:42Oh, yeah.
26:46Ah!
26:47Ah!
26:48Whoa!
26:49Oh, that's very good, and that's real.
26:54I need one for the girls in the office.
26:56They'll never believe this.
26:59I think I have to go to my house.
27:01You've got yourself some talent, Arthur.
27:04We'll leave it for now.
27:06But don't forget, you owe me.
27:15Well, I gotta tell you, pal,
27:17this is the best tour we've ever been on.
27:19Can you speak up a bit?
27:19You had me fooled right from the start.
27:21We thought you were just a horrible old crook
27:23with a broken-down bus.
27:24Couldn't be more wrong, could they, Dave?
27:26Yeah, right.
27:27Some bird from the golf club.
27:28Yeah, I'm delighted you were happy with our effort.
27:30If it's brightened your stay, it hasn't been in vain.
27:33What's up?
27:33You want some more boxes shifting?
27:36All right, all right.
27:37I was only joking.
27:39Yeah, I can come over.
27:42As soon as I can.
27:45Oi.
27:46Where you going?
27:47Tea.
27:48What about the punters?
27:49I explain it's an old English custom.
28:02Ray.
28:03Denny?
28:05What's Arthur paying you?
28:07Sorry, mate.
28:08That's confidential.
28:10Will be if I know Arthur.
28:13You'd be lucky if you get double figures.
28:15And then it'll be in yen and luncheon vouchers.
28:18Listen.
28:19A boy like you could be worth a lot of money to me.
28:22A lot of money.
28:24That's very kind of you, Denny.
28:26But I've got a joke.
28:33He's clapped out your uncle, Arthur.
28:35Game over.
28:36Time he packed up all together.
28:38You should be thinking about your future, son.
28:41Minders don't last forever.
28:43And what kind of future you got with an old shafta like Arthur Daylon?
28:56Don't you ever, ever insult my family, Denny.
28:59That's personal.
29:01You're threatening me, son.
29:02If you want.
29:03All right, Ryan.
29:05I'll be in touch.
29:18Sorry, I couldn't bring the wife.
29:20It's all right.
29:21Previous, the professor put me straight about your boss, Arthur.
29:25Terrific.
29:26Should have bought a bucket and spade and all.
29:28I told you, I don't want us to be seen.
29:30So I'm here.
29:31What do you want?
29:32Oh, don't be like that.
29:34What was I supposed to think?
29:36Well, I like you.
29:37I didn't want you to be married.
29:39Okay?
29:40Yeah, I can.
29:41But I do want your help.
29:43Well, go on.
29:45Nice out here, isn't it?
29:47Yeah, it's nice with you.
29:49What would you say if I told you that in six months,
29:51it'll all be covered with executive-style houses?
29:53Nah, never.
29:54They wouldn't park with the land.
29:56Who wouldn't?
29:57The club, of course.
29:58Yeah, and who decides what the golf club does and doesn't do?
30:01I don't know.
30:01The committee, Perkins and all that lot.
30:03Exactly.
30:04Perkins and all that lot.
30:06His lot.
30:08You know, I thought there was something funny going on
30:10when he started getting rid of all the people
30:11who'd been on the committee for years
30:12and bringing in his mates.
30:14And now Major Beatty's resigned, I'm sure.
30:16So I had a nose-about in his office
30:18while Perkins was out on the course.
30:20And I found this.
30:22Application for Outline Planning Permission.
30:25I only had time to copy the first page.
30:28So who's Chetland Developments?
30:30Who'd you think?
30:32Can you pick me up when I finish work
30:33and take me over to the planning office to check?
30:35I'll never make it in time on the bus.
30:37I'm not sure about this, Lorraine.
30:40Oh, great.
30:41Quick, come here.
30:42What?
30:43I'm only going to kiss you,
30:43otherwise he might suspect.
30:46Well, well, well.
30:50You're Daley's man, aren't you?
30:51I wonder if you wouldn't mind
30:52keeping your hands off our employees.
30:54I think you're fine, Lorraine.
30:56You're still well within working hours.
30:57I'm sure there's plenty to occupy in the kitchen.
30:59Sorry, Mr. Perkins.
31:06Don't let me see you on the course again.
31:08I do have to think about the other members, after all.
31:11As far as I'm aware,
31:12your Mr. Daley isn't with us this afternoon,
31:14so I don't see any call for you to be either.
31:17You're not thinking of applying for membership as well, are you?
31:29What time do you finish?
31:30Six o'clock.
31:34Oh, you wanted me, sir.
31:36Oh, yes, Michael.
31:37You gentlemen make yourselves at home.
31:39I'll see this chap outside.
31:40Excuse me.
31:51What the hell do you think you're playing at?
31:54Do you think this is any time for CID versus uniform?
31:58I'm sorry, sir.
31:59I'm not quite with you.
32:01Minutes before the Gestapo in there arrived this morning,
32:04your governor suddenly, and for no apparent reason,
32:06decides to hand in a CID expenses claim for vehicle maintenance.
32:10Oh, no.
32:12Which means that someone must have told him you were coming.
32:14Do you have any suspicions, Morley, as to who that might have been?
32:19Well, I admit I didn't mention it, sir,
32:21but that was only because he was wondering
32:22what you and I were doing in the yard yesterday with Arthur Daly.
32:25Have you any idea how much he's claiming
32:27has been spent on CID vehicle maintenance this year?
32:30Well, the cars are in a very bad state, sir.
32:32Bad?
32:33I wanted us to show an overall loss,
32:36not fund the American space program.
32:39Very sorry, sir.
32:40I'd have to do better than sorry.
32:42There's only one thing for it now.
32:43Get it back.
32:44Well, the coach...
32:46and before they start the stock check.
32:48If those two find out now
32:49that I've sold off a transport coach for next to nothing,
32:51they'll have me on a skewer.
32:54And if I go down the pan on this one,
32:55you're coming with me.
32:56Is that clear?
32:58Yes, sir.
32:59Good.
33:00Because I've booked it out today in your name.
33:09Morning, Arthur.
33:11What time do you call this?
33:12I can explain.
33:14No need to.
33:15I know what you've been up to,
33:16casting your lilies on the water.
33:18I had a terrible time last night.
33:20You abandoned me.
33:21I didn't.
33:22What am I supposed to do
33:23with a coachload of foreigners
33:24who don't speak English?
33:25Or Brahms as newts?
33:27Arthur!
33:28At the finish,
33:29a bloke from the Japanese embassy
33:30turned up and started making threats.
33:33I'm serious, Ray.
33:34This is a major professional lapse.
33:36It was important.
33:37They're important.
33:38Me and Lorraine had to go to the town hall.
33:41You only met her yesterday.
33:43Wasn't there enough for her
33:45that she threw herself at you like all the others?
33:46Not the registry,
33:47the town planning office.
33:49Here, have a look at this.
33:51What?
33:52Outline planning permission
33:53for an exclusive development
33:55of executive-style homes
33:56all over what is currently
33:58St. David's Golf Course.
34:00I see.
34:02Well, I must admit, Ray,
34:03this goes some way
34:04towards mitigating your behaviour.
34:06I could get you on the ground floor on this.
34:08If you have a look who the developers are,
34:09you might not be so keen.
34:12Chetland Developments,
34:14directors Simon and Janet Perkins.
34:17I didn't get your drift.
34:19Well, Perkins has set it up
34:20so he can flog the land to himself.
34:22And all that money you've spent in the bar
34:24will go straight down the porcelain
34:25if there's no more club, won't it?
34:28Ray, I appreciate your concern.
34:30I'll take your tip.
34:31I'll withdraw my application immediately.
34:34Lorraine was hoping you'd do something about it.
34:36Me?
34:36What can I do?
34:38Well, stop them.
34:39Ray, you are in the grip of a serious delusion.
34:42What you and your well-meaning friends
34:44who want to save the Welsh fail to realise
34:45is we live in a time of harsh economic necessity.
34:49This is the way people like Simon
34:50and make their wedge.
34:52No, I'm going to get clear while I...
34:57Oh, this is all I need.
35:00I hope you haven't come round to offload
35:02another of your dodgy vehicles, Mr Morley.
35:04I've had terrible trouble with that coach.
35:07In that case, I'm here to tell you
35:09your problems are over.
35:11Would that they were.
35:13You haven't started flogging life insurance, have you?
35:15Are you trying to be funny, Daley?
35:17Oh, no, no, no, never, Mr Morley, never.
35:19Thing of the past.
35:21Leavitt is a luxury I jettisoned along with several others.
35:24And I'm delighted to say your coach was one of them.
35:26You sold it?
35:27At considerable loss, I might say.
35:29You can't?
35:29What do you mean I can't?
35:30I'm a licensed vehicle trader.
35:32Who'd you get to buy it?
35:33Rambo.
35:34Do you know where it is now?
35:35Where it is every morning, down at Paul.
35:37Right, get in the car.
35:38You're going to come and get it back.
35:39I don't want it back.
35:40Well, I do.
35:41And when you've bought it back off him,
35:43I'll buy it back off you.
35:44Mr Morley, you fly in the face
35:46of all established trading practices.
35:49Anyway, I can't go chatter-banging off with you.
35:51I've got a business to run.
35:52Daley.
35:54How can I put this?
35:57If you don't come with me and get that coach back now,
35:59you won't have a business.
36:01End of story.
36:02You will accompany me, Raymond.
36:04If he tries to assault me, he'll do the necessary.
36:06Sorry, Arthur.
36:07I've got a bit of business I've got to take care of myself.
36:09You jackal in hyena's clothing.
36:15Excuse me, sir, can you take your shoes off, please?
36:17What?
36:17Can you take your shoes off, please?
36:20I just paid £1.30.
36:28Hey!
36:36Hey!
36:40Rambo!
36:42What do you want, Arthur?
36:45It's a matter of business, Rambo.
36:49Could we go somewhere a little less public?
36:52I can't stop them training.
36:55I'll tell you what.
36:56I'm not best pleased with that coach.
36:59In that case, Rambo, I am here to tell you your problems are over.
37:04Now, in accordance with what you will know is my watchword, reliability,
37:08I felt it my duty as a businessman to come straight over and tell you that coach I sold you
37:13is not kosher.
37:14Yeah, well, you wouldn't have been selling it if it was, would you?
37:16Rambo, you besmirch me.
37:19As you know, I had only just taken delivery of that vehicle last night when you insisted I make it
37:24yours.
37:25There was no opportunity for a fully scrupulous check-up by my staff.
37:29But fear not, fortunately for you, you are fully covered, as are all my clients, by the Arthur Daly non
37:36-negotiable guarantee.
37:38No quibble, no fuss.
37:39I'll take back the bus.
37:41I've come to refund your money.
37:43I don't believe it.
37:45You were 14, you were the one golf one.
37:47Yeah.
37:48I didn't want to start that.
37:55Major Beatty, can I buy you a drink, sir?
37:58No, thank you, Perkins.
37:59I'd like a word with you, please.
38:01Certainly.
38:02In my office?
38:03No.
38:04Here in the bar.
38:07I'm sure all the other members would like to hear what you have to say.
38:10It won't take a minute.
38:11Okay, we've got something we think you should have a look at.
38:16This is a copy of a planning application for the development of the golf course by a company owned by
38:24Mr. Perkins and his wife.
38:28Is this true, Perkins?
38:34They're waiting.
38:35Hold on, Arthur.
38:36What's in this for you?
38:37No, you put your digit on it there, Amber.
38:39There is something in it for me, that's true.
38:42Something irreplaceable.
38:44Something mere money can't buy.
38:45My reputation.
38:47Who lifts my wedge and it's trash compared to that.
38:49Nice doing business with you.
38:52Well, what are you playing at, Arthur?
38:53Is she short?
38:54Wear and tear.
38:55I don't know what you've been doing with it.
38:57It ain't moved since I bought it.
38:58That's the vehicle speculation game, Rambo.
39:01They depreciate while they're standing still.
39:04It's always this hot in here.
39:25Hey, Lee.
39:25Superintendent.
39:28There's something very odd about this.
39:30How do you mean?
39:32What I don't understand is why one officer,
39:35admittedly now accompanied by two more,
39:38should require the use of a police transport coach to themselves for a day.
39:43I'm sure Sergeant Morley will be happy to explain that.
39:46Won't you, Morley?
39:47Yes, I would.
39:49But I would have thought that was outside your brief.
39:52Our brief is the use of police resources, Sergeant,
39:55effectively or otherwise.
39:57Now, I'm asking you to account for the booking out of this coach.
40:01I think what the Sergeant's trying to say, Mr. Hart.
40:05Well, Daly, how do you do?
40:06I think what he's trying to say is that this is confidential police business.
40:12I mean, when I tell you that we are engaged on an underground operation,
40:17which I may say has taken us right up the sharp end of the front line,
40:20I don't think you want me to say more.
40:23I'm so sorry, sir. I had no idea.
40:25That's all right.
40:26We pride ourselves on our discretion.
40:28Not that we aren't grateful for a bit of grassroots assistance from these local lads.
40:34This is a fine station. I expect you'll discover that.
40:36Oh, yes. Yes, with no complaints.
40:38Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you.
40:39Anything else you want, the Sergeant will look after you.
40:42Morley?
40:44It's like a cup of tea before you go, gentlemen.
40:52No word of thanks is necessary, Superintendent.
40:54Suffice it to say, I have been of assistance.
40:56Don't push it, Daly.
40:58I'll get your money.
40:59Ah, no, this provokes a note of embarrassment.
41:02You see, since our previous transaction, the market has fluctuated,
41:06resulting in an upturn in demand for motors of this type.
41:09Are you saying what I think you're saying?
41:11You know, a slight readjustment in the retail position is inevitable.
41:17How much?
41:19You'd better get back to the golf club, Ray.
41:30Daly, join us, too.
41:31Uh, Marcel, another glass.
41:33Oh, thank you, Major.
41:35My pleasure.
41:36Uh, Raymond, you are aware that this is, uh...
41:39Members only?
41:40One of my junior managers.
41:41Ray's my guest, as is Lorraine.
41:43And I think champagne is the least we can offer them.
41:46They've just saved the club from being bulldozed.
41:49Bulldozed?
41:49You mean the threat to our environment has actually reached here?
41:52I'm afraid so.
41:54Thanks to these two, Perkins, our former captain,
41:56has been unmasked at the eleventh hour.
41:58He's resigned from the club.
42:00Well, call me a firebrand if you must,
42:02but I'm with his royal eye and Mr. Prince on this.
42:04There's too much development,
42:06and I speak as an international entrepreneur.
42:08Oh, I know you would have given us your full support, Arthur,
42:11had you known.
42:12My dear, mere words are not enough to thank you.
42:15Well, they'll have to do for now.
42:17I've got to get back to work.
42:18Yeah, me too.
42:20I'll leave it to you members.
42:22And provisionals.
42:26A good chap.
42:28She's a fine girl.
42:30Yes, with a very nice sense of humour.
42:32I expect you noticed her covert allusion
42:34to my small role in this whole business.
42:36You were involved in saving us?
42:38Oh, only in an advisory capacity, of course.
42:41I mean, as I'm only a provisional member,
42:43I didn't feel I had the authority to do otherwise,
42:45but stay in the background, Major.
42:47Call me George.
42:48George.
42:49Provisional member, you say?
42:50At the moment, yes.
42:52Oh, well, perhaps you could help me get that sorted, George.
42:56Oh, by the way, call me Arthur.
42:58Arthur!
43:00I've prepared everything, Arthur, just as you instructed.
43:03Not now, previous.
43:04It won't be necessary.
43:06I regret to inform you the tourism business has bottomed out
43:10and I have been forced to make an economic U-turn.
43:12U-turn?
43:13I have abandoned that particular sphere of economic endeavour.
43:16Now, off you go.
43:17Go on.
43:18Well, by the way, I shall want the recording equipment back.
43:21But I have imparted the language of Shakespeare
43:23for the edification of our friends across the seas.
43:27Listen to this.
43:28Scenes from English Life.
43:30A language course for the foreigner.
43:33Sorry about this, George.
43:35One.
43:35Being arrested.
43:37Previous.
43:38This is a members-only bar.
43:39Let's discuss it outside.
43:40My hands are in the air.
43:41Turn it off!
43:42But you commissioned me.
43:43I am.
43:44Half hour!
43:45This is no way to treat me now.
43:47Get out!
43:48I have nothing to say.
43:50Previous, I have to inform you that our former agreement is rescinded.
43:53What could you mean?
43:54You were not supposed to clock me in the club.
43:56Now, give me that and stop it.
43:57Hello, Arthur.
43:59You've got me banged to rights.
44:01Jenny?
44:02I've just been trying to raise it now, but no luck so far.
44:05I want to see my lawyer.
44:05And yet I'm hearing from Rambon.
44:08You've had one, if not two, nice little tickles today.
44:11Can you get me bail?
44:13Can you get me bail?
44:15Turn it off.
44:16Why'd you let Arthur Daly run your life?
44:19He doesn't.
44:20I might look like that sometimes, but...
44:22Ray!
44:23Ray!
44:24I ain't got no money, Denny.
44:26Honestly, I ain't.
44:28Let me go, fella!
44:30Hold it!
44:32What the hell are you playing at?
44:33There's seven of us.
44:35Now, I know you're good, but nobody's that good.
44:37I'm Arthur's mind.
44:38I told you.
44:39He's family.
44:40Take on seven of us.
44:46You remind me of myself.
44:47Do you know that?
44:49That's exactly what I'd have done.
44:51You've got to stand up for your family, haven't you?
44:54I respect that.
44:57All right, Arthur.
44:58Give us a grand and I'll forget it.
45:08I knew we sought something out, Denny.
45:10Like I said, Arthur, you've got yourself some class here.
45:14You should look after him.
45:16Anytime you fancy a drink, Ray.
45:19All right, Denny.
45:32Where were you?
45:41Arthur, I shall be delighted to finalize your membership.
45:44George, I'm thrilled.
45:45As I know, her indoors will be, too.
45:47There's just one minor formality.
45:50I do think we should have a round together.
45:52Well, mine's a large vodka and tonic.
45:54On the course, Arthur.
45:56Ha, ha, ha.
45:57I know, I know.
45:58Tell you what, what about tomorrow afternoon?
46:01Oh, I'd love to, Major, but I've got this handicap.
46:04Oh, don't worry about that.
46:05Just as long as you can hit the ball, tell the difference.
46:07Peter, pitch in a wedge.
46:09Pitch in a wedge?
46:10Shouldn't be any problem for you.
46:12Tomorrow afternoon.
46:15Well, you're right.
46:16Yeah.
46:20Sounds like your Uncle Arthur's still in the bar.
46:23Yeah, well, he'll be seeing himself home tonight.
46:25Oh.
46:26So you're free, then?
46:28Yeah, I am, as it happens.
46:30So if you're free, we could be free together.
46:34And if Arthur changes his mind and suddenly decides he's free,
46:38you know, like he phones and he wants picking up after all,
46:41and it's two in the morning,
46:43you'd go straight out and fetch him, wouldn't you?
46:45Not necessarily.
46:47Of course you would.
46:52I like you, Ray.
46:54You're very attractive.
46:57And you're a really nice man.
46:59Too nice for your own good.
47:01Because your Uncle Arthur's got you on a string,
47:04and he'll keep you there forever as long as you let him.
47:08Thanks for helping me.
47:12You've saved this.
47:33She gave me a blank.
47:35They wanted me to play golf.
47:42Let's go for a drink, eh?
47:47Yeah, come on in.
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