- 24 minutes ago
First broadcast 23rd January 1989.
A video tape incriminating an officer in the Serious Crime division is mistakenly returned to Daley's Videos.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Ian McShane - Jack Last
Rula Lenska - Sandra Last
Brian Blessed - Freddie Dyer
Patrick Ryecart - Nigel
Peter Childs - Rycott
Ray Winstone - Arnie
Garfield Morgan - Supt. Mason
Michael Troughton - Melish
Tony Vogel - Det. Sgt. Bradshaw
David Arlen - Charlie
Ken Campbell - Seedy Customer
Emma Wray - Tracy
Milton Johns - Mr. Sinclair
Anthony Corriette - Arnie's Echo
Jasper Jacob - Simon
Fraser Downie - Martin
Lee Walker - Customer
Leslie Rogers - Plainclothes Officer (as Paul Beringer)
Jerry Baker - Winchester Club Patron
Gordon Hann - Winchester Club Patron
Alan Harris - Police Detective
A video tape incriminating an officer in the Serious Crime division is mistakenly returned to Daley's Videos.
Dennis Waterman - Terry
George Cole - Arthur
Glynn Edwards - Dave
Ian McShane - Jack Last
Rula Lenska - Sandra Last
Brian Blessed - Freddie Dyer
Patrick Ryecart - Nigel
Peter Childs - Rycott
Ray Winstone - Arnie
Garfield Morgan - Supt. Mason
Michael Troughton - Melish
Tony Vogel - Det. Sgt. Bradshaw
David Arlen - Charlie
Ken Campbell - Seedy Customer
Emma Wray - Tracy
Milton Johns - Mr. Sinclair
Anthony Corriette - Arnie's Echo
Jasper Jacob - Simon
Fraser Downie - Martin
Lee Walker - Customer
Leslie Rogers - Plainclothes Officer (as Paul Beringer)
Jerry Baker - Winchester Club Patron
Gordon Hann - Winchester Club Patron
Alan Harris - Police Detective
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:27Satsang with Mooji
00:33Go.
00:46Jack. Jack, wake up.
00:53What is it?
00:57All right, open her up.
01:02Don't you bloody dare.
01:05If you want to talk to me, Freddy, all you've got to do is pick up the phone.
01:08Get in the car, Jack.
01:09All right, go ahead.
01:13This is coming away from the main set, sir.
01:30Do you mind?
01:42No, Barry, I am not satisfied.
01:44I'm a long way from satisfied.
01:47In fact, I have the serious hump with you.
01:49There you go.
01:49You kung fu vampires from the grave times four.
01:51What am I talking about, Barry?
01:53I'm talking about these T-shirts.
01:56Five hundred of the bloody things.
01:58No, no, no, no.
01:59I've no quibble with the garments, per se.
02:01They've all got sleeves and holes in the right places.
02:03It's a spelling.
02:05Barry, to my certain knowledge,
02:08Hollywood is not the movie capital of the world.
02:10It's somewhere in the Essex marshes.
02:24Oh, watcher.
02:25So, watch...
02:26It's Arnie.
02:29Dear, where'd you get all this?
02:30Big house up at St John's Wood.
02:32Gieser's gut in the place.
02:33Do you know, too, it never seems to amaze me
02:35that people just don't realise what they're throwing away, do they?
02:37I bet they don't know.
02:39About time, too.
02:40I'll see if Nigel's on his way.
02:42Oh, but have a look at these lines.
02:43They're sensational, these lines.
02:44They're sensational lines.
02:45Yeah.
02:46Oh, dear, look at that.
02:47What?
02:48It depends, Arnie.
02:49It depends.
02:50Yeah, it depends what Nigel says, doesn't it?
02:52Hello.
02:52Am I talking to Nigel?
02:54Oh, splendid.
02:55Good morning to you, too.
02:56Good morning to you, too.
02:58Have you ever seen anybody bow on a phone?
03:01Nigel, where exactly are you?
03:03I can't hear.
03:05There's a lot of noise, Nigel.
03:06Hello?
03:08Can you hear me?
03:11Oh, hi.
03:12Hi, Nigel.
03:13Hi.
03:14Wait.
03:15Oh, hi, Nigel.
03:17Infectible timing.
03:18The items in question have just arrived.
03:20So I see.
03:21Get those gates measured up, will you, Martin?
03:23God, look at those lions.
03:25Oh, yes.
03:25One is a little bit foxed round the arse here.
03:28It's not the only one, is it, either?
03:30There he is.
03:30Oh, no.
03:31I think they're terribly witty.
03:34Witty?
03:35No, Arthur said that.
03:36He said, my word, what witty little lions, he said, didn't you, mate?
03:40Shut up.
03:41Yes, I'll have them.
03:42I'm very fond of putting things like that indoors.
03:44On your mantelpiece?
03:46Something like that, yes.
03:47What, Martin?
03:51Right, Arthur, I'll have the gates, the power places, and the lions.
03:54I'm afraid that those urns are not for me at all, though.
03:58Those urns are sensational.
04:01Sensational?
04:01Nope.
04:03Nope.
04:03I don't know.
04:04They're somehow deeply naff.
04:06Naff?
04:07Naff?
04:08You heard what a man said.
04:09Those are naff urns.
04:10Now, help Mr Miller's man load his stuff onto his van.
04:12Nigel, word inside.
04:15Certainly, Arthur.
04:16Inside.
04:16I'll see you later down the winchester, all right?
04:21I do acquiesce with you about the urns, Nigel,
04:24but you're quite happy about the rest of the gear?
04:25Fabulous stuff, Arthur.
04:26Oh, fabulous.
04:27It's such a bargain.
04:28Look, if anything else comes up that you want, just give me a bell.
04:31You'll never know what's going to turn up.
04:32Someone might leave the whole house on the skip.
04:34Sorry, Tony, not with you.
04:36Terry.
04:37The name is Terry.
04:38Terry, Terry, don't interrupt when money is changing hands.
04:42Why don't you come down to the site this afternoon, Arthur?
04:44Have a look round.
04:45Something I'd like to discuss with you.
04:46Look at that as if Terry here doesn't object.
04:48Oh, no, I'll be delighted, Nigel.
04:50Any news about my premises?
04:52Nothing definite.
04:52I've had a word with the managing agents,
04:55but the thing is,
04:56these people are killing to get into these retail units.
04:58They would, they would.
04:59I can't wait to get my foot in the door of a free enterprise zone.
05:01Hang in there, Arthur.
05:02I'm working on it.
05:03I'll see you this afternoon.
05:04Right, Nigel.
05:04Oh, hang about, hang about.
05:05But, um, complimentary t-shirt.
05:07My compliments.
05:09Fabulous.
05:11See you, Nigel.
05:13Fabulous.
05:15What is the matter with you,
05:17winding young Nigel up like that?
05:18He's a wrong and a new know it.
05:21He's one of those greedy sods who loves doing the deal,
05:23but don't want to get their hands dirty.
05:25And if you think that architect Nigel
05:27is going to set you up in a video shop in his new complex,
05:29you're wrong.
05:30All he's doing is stringing you along
05:32so you keep knocking out that hooky gear to him.
05:34He is not stringing me along
05:35and it is not hooky gear.
05:37One man's junk is another man's object dart.
05:39Here.
05:40You're prejudiced against Nigel
05:41because he's done well for himself.
05:43He's the sort of bloke
05:44that's putting his country back on its feet.
05:47Oh, she'd understand.
05:49Come to think of it,
05:51Nigel looks a bit like her, doesn't he?
05:53Don't be disrespectful.
05:54Oh, I'm sorry.
05:55I forgot you fancy her, don't you?
05:57I do not.
05:58Now, get a move on.
05:59You do.
06:00You said to Dave...
06:01I said it was a meeting of minds.
06:04Though, I do have to admit,
06:05she does have womanly qualities.
06:11You're disgusting.
06:37Now, relax, son.
06:39There is no point
06:41getting wound up
06:44in these kind of situations.
06:58Look at that.
06:59The TV generation.
07:01One brain cell ticking over.
07:03Watch it, Trace.
07:04Morning, my dear.
07:05Just popped in to pick up the takings.
07:07There's four more Kung Fu vampires.
07:09Put them out blue label,
07:10$1.50 a go.
07:13Hey, what you doing?
07:14Sorry, Arthur.
07:15I'm off.
07:16You're what?
07:17I'm sick of it, Arthur.
07:18You give me 20 quid here
07:19and a ten and there.
07:20I'm here ten hours a day
07:21for people complaining
07:22about your poxy videos.
07:24Now, Tracey, be fair.
07:25I only do copies of filth.
07:27If the punters want art,
07:29they get kosher tapes.
07:30If they want filth,
07:30they can squint.
07:31Well, you listen.
07:32I've got a job in a wine bar.
07:34I'm going to start today.
07:36Some kids will give
07:36their right arm
07:37for this position.
07:39Wait, watch her lips.
07:40She's got another job.
08:02Very nice.
08:04Free water.
08:07It's yours.
08:11I'm afraid it'll take
08:12a bit more than that
08:13this time, Jack.
08:14Tell me more.
08:16Well, the thing is that
08:18we can put you
08:19outside a factory
08:21in Tottenham.
08:22Let me see.
08:23February the 12th,
08:24last year.
08:25Yes.
08:26We can put you
08:27on the pavement
08:28outside the factory
08:29with a mask on your face
08:31and a shooter
08:32in your mitt.
08:34I've never heard
08:35anything so silly
08:36in all my life.
08:37I agree.
08:39This filthy grass
08:40has put you there.
08:42It'll hurt me to argue.
08:45Well, the thing is,
08:47Jack, you've had a good run.
08:49We've had a good run.
08:51The thing's getting
08:52a bit iffy
08:53on my side
08:54and I've got to make
08:57a bit of a splash.
08:58I mean, there are rumors
08:59going around that
09:00you and I
09:02are good friends.
09:12going to go to one of these
09:13new video cameras,
09:13Freddie.
09:15I can't say
09:15as I heard,
09:16yeah?
09:17Brilliant, yeah.
09:19My pal, Charlie,
09:20right.
09:21Never taken a photograph,
09:23even.
09:23He can pick one up,
09:24press a button,
09:25bingo,
09:26play it back on the telly,
09:27could be the news at 10.
09:29Brilliant.
09:30So,
09:31well, remember last year
09:32when I rented that villa
09:33in Spain
09:34and you come over
09:35for, was it,
09:35liaison with the local law?
09:38And you came by the villa
09:39for a drink at the pool?
09:42Vaguely, Jack,
09:43vaguely.
09:44Yeah.
09:45Well, remember those two
09:46riches that came over?
09:47Remember the one
09:47with the big...
09:50Well, Charlie was inside
09:51messing around
09:52with the video camera.
09:55Well, Freddie,
09:57a bit saucy.
10:00I mean, you
10:01and the one
10:01with the chest
10:01were getting,
10:02well,
10:03a bit saucy.
10:10I don't know.
10:11You invest in youth
10:12and what do they do?
10:13And yesterday, Arthur.
10:15Spit in your face.
10:16Good morning.
10:17I'm disappointed in you,
10:18Tracy.
10:18A wine bar.
10:19Where is it?
10:20Transylvania?
10:21Ha, bloody ha.
10:22I'd like to return these.
10:24Well, don't give them to me.
10:25I don't work here anymore.
10:26Thank God.
10:27There's gratitude for you.
10:28See you, Terry.
10:29Yeah, good luck, love.
10:30And don't let the old fart
10:31grind you down.
10:33Would somebody
10:33please take these tapes?
10:34Yes, give them to my assistant,
10:35will you?
10:36He's temporarily in charge.
10:36No, no, I'm sorry.
10:37No, it's nothing to do with me.
10:38Oh, by the way,
10:39I'm Arthur Daly.
10:40It's not often
10:40I get the chance
10:41to meet our members.
10:42Listen, you,
10:42I'm not working here.
10:43Look, I am in a hurry, actually.
10:44Oh, don't leave empty-handed.
10:45We have a new Jack Nicholson.
10:52Any news, Charlie?
10:53Yeah, that was Jack.
10:56What'd I tell you?
10:57They're letting him go.
10:58I really thought
10:59they had him this time.
11:00Nah, not Jack.
11:01He's got a gift he has.
11:04I'm not working here.
11:05Terry, please.
11:06No, no.
11:06One day.
11:08Look, the punters
11:09will go elsewhere
11:09if I close down.
11:10They won't bring
11:11the tapes back, please.
11:12Just for me.
11:14Just one day?
11:15One day.
11:17All right, then.
11:18Terry, you are beautiful.
11:19On one condition?
11:20Any condition.
11:21A ton in the hand now.
11:22You must be mad.
11:23Yeah, and I was beautiful
11:24just now.
11:24A ton in the hand.
11:25All right.
11:26The shop stays closed.
11:27Just all right?
11:39What's the score?
11:40As I was telling
11:41Detective Constable Mellish,
11:43I've recently had
11:44a considerable amount
11:45of renovation
11:46done on my house.
11:47Yes, sir.
11:47If you don't mind,
11:49Mr Sinclair,
11:49my colleague,
11:50will tell me
11:50all the details.
11:51Yes, but I haven't
11:52told you about it.
11:52If you would just
11:53concentrate on the
11:54photographs,
11:54would you, sir, please?
11:57Yes.
12:00Right.
12:01The builder leaves
12:01all his rubbish
12:02in our friend's
12:03front garden.
12:04Our friend hires
12:05some cowboy
12:05by the name of John
12:07to get rid of it.
12:08Our friend says,
12:09quote,
12:09when I get back
12:10this evening,
12:10I don't want to see
12:11so much as a brick.
12:13And?
12:13Well, this John
12:14does a good job.
12:15Our friend doesn't
12:16see so much as a brick.
12:17He also doesn't
12:18see his raw iron gates,
12:19his bronze daffin
12:20door knocker,
12:21and his lions.
12:22He's what?
12:23Lions, Gov.
12:25The kind that sits
12:25on a gatepost.
12:27Oh, yeah.
12:28Yeah, of course.
12:28Silly me.
12:30Well, look,
12:31just get a statement
12:31off him and get
12:32shot of him,
12:32will you?
12:33I've got more
12:33important things
12:34to do than worry
12:34about a bloke
12:35who can't hang
12:35onto his bloody
12:36gates.
12:36Yeah, but the
12:37thing is, Gov,
12:38I think I'll see
12:39a pattern emerging.
12:40Oh, really?
12:41Yeah, I mean,
12:42look at what's
12:42been reported stolen
12:43over the past two
12:44weeks.
12:45Three fireplaces,
12:4630-foot vote
12:47bannister,
12:47spiral staircase,
12:48two front doors,
12:49ornamented fountain.
12:51This is a right
12:51little crime wave,
12:52isn't it?
12:53I wonder if the
12:54mafia are rebuilding
12:55their London
12:56headquarters.
12:57That's the man.
12:58That's him.
12:59I swear.
13:02Oh, my God.
13:05Yeah.
13:09Suddenly, I'm
13:10interested.
13:11Well, I'm sorry,
13:12mate, but these
13:12should have been
13:12in two days ago.
13:13Look, I told you,
13:14my mother was rushed
13:15into hospital the night
13:16before last.
13:16The wife's working
13:17night, so I'm left
13:18with the kids, right?
13:19Hold on, you just
13:20said your dad was
13:20in hospital.
13:21He is.
13:22He's been in for
13:22months, but now
13:23me mum's in.
13:24The health of my
13:25entire family is up
13:26the spout, and I'm
13:26supposed to remember
13:27your bloody videos.
13:28Oh, God, all right.
13:30You people.
13:31All you think about
13:32is lying in your own
13:33pockets.
13:33I said all right,
13:34didn't I?
13:34I'm letting you go.
13:35Yeah, right and all.
13:36I shan't be coming
13:37in here again.
13:39Bloody marvellous,
13:39isn't it, eh?
13:40My mum's on the
13:41critical list, and he's
13:41trying to nick a quid
13:42off me.
13:45Oh, excuse me.
13:47Oh, yeah.
13:49Have you got your
13:50membership card?
13:50Yeah.
13:52Excuse me, can I ask you
13:54something?
13:55Yeah, have you got
13:58stormtroopers in
13:58suspenders?
14:00Well, we do have it,
14:01yeah, but if it's not
14:02on the shelves, it's not
14:02in.
14:03Ah, no.
14:03Yeah, excuse me,
14:04because apparently it is
14:06due in this morning.
14:07Yeah, well, some did
14:08come in earlier.
14:09Hold on, will you?
14:10They're yours.
14:12Some of these, eh?
14:15Oh, there you go.
14:16Bingo.
14:17Stormtroopers in
14:17suspenders.
14:18Right.
14:20Now, that'll be six
14:20quid, including the
14:22charges for fumigation,
14:23of course.
14:26If you don't mind my
14:27saying, you've got a
14:29very funny attitude to
14:30somebody who should be
14:31serving the public.
14:35If you don't mind my
14:36saying, I'm being
14:37extremely nice at the
14:38moment.
14:58Jack, I just want to
14:59know what happened.
15:01They look in here, did
15:02they?
15:02What?
15:04Yes.
15:04Yes, they did.
15:05And I've got a bone to
15:07pick with you, Jack, last.
15:08They pulled out this
15:09porn video.
15:09I didn't know where to
15:10look.
15:11No, my darling, this is
15:12not a porn video.
15:13This is an epic
15:14masterpiece.
15:15Confessions of a
15:16Copper.
15:17Starring Inspector
15:18Freddie Dyer.
15:19Wait a minute.
15:20What's this?
15:21Ordinary people?
15:23Ordinary people?
15:25Jack, what is going
15:26on?
15:29Sandra, where is the
15:31video that was in this
15:32case?
15:32I don't know.
15:33The old bill was
15:34chucking them all over
15:34the place.
15:39If they're not here,
15:40God help me.
15:44God help me.
15:47Maybe it...
15:48What?
15:50Well, it's just that I took
15:51some rented videos back this
15:52morning.
15:52I mean, I might just
15:53possibly have put the wrong
15:54tape back in the wrong box.
15:56I do not believe what I'm
15:58hearing.
15:59Are you trying to tell me
16:01that you were stupid
16:02enough to...
16:03Well, how was I supposed
16:03to know?
16:04How am I supposed to know
16:05that some bloody porn video
16:06is important?
16:07You never tell me anything.
16:09All right.
16:10All right.
16:11Just tell me where you got
16:13the videos from.
16:15The usual place.
16:16Next door to the shop.
16:19Daley's videos.
16:36Hello, Martin.
16:37Good afternoon, Mr. Daley.
16:38He's in there.
16:42All right.
16:42Go on.
16:54Nigel.
16:56Arthur, hi.
16:58Hi.
17:01Oi.
17:04Ah.
17:14Who's that?
17:15That's Daley, the chap I'm
17:17getting all this fabulous
17:18stuff from.
17:19Hasn't got no clue.
17:21What about that suit?
17:24A bit of grunge
17:25on the old hush puppies.
17:28Never mind, Arthur.
17:29This is my partner, Simon.
17:31Simon Arthur Daley.
17:32I've just been clocking
17:33the commercial premises
17:34opposite.
17:35One of them will do
17:35very nicely.
17:37Yeah, and Nigel's going
17:38to help me get a foot
17:38in the door here.
17:39The premises opposite?
17:41You don't understand.
17:42Yes, I said I'd put in
17:44a word for Arthur here.
17:45What was it?
17:46I thought it was a video
17:46shop.
17:47Yeah, well, I see it.
17:48I mean, this is all going
17:48to be wall-to-wall media
17:50folk and city types
17:51around here, isn't it?
17:52And let's face it,
17:53they like their leisure.
17:54Crack a bottle of
17:55Bollinger, stick the feet
17:56up, bung the old video
17:57on.
17:57Lovely.
17:58Well, I can see you've
17:59done your research,
18:00Arthur.
18:00Well, I think you'll say
18:01I've got my finger on the
18:02pulse, Nigel.
18:04Well, in that case,
18:05perhaps you know
18:06something about these
18:06things here.
18:08A music centre?
18:10Well, I'm very into
18:11using these stoves
18:12at the moment.
18:13Oh, it's a cooker?
18:14Ah, particularly
18:15second-hand.
18:16You know, with that
18:16slightly distressed,
18:18knocked-about look.
18:19You know what I mean?
18:20I just thought I'd
18:21mention it.
18:22I think I'll get
18:23your gist, Nigel.
18:26Good man.
18:59Raise the arms up, would
19:00you, Jack?
19:00Oh, are you kidding?
19:01I don't need to be wired,
19:02do I?
19:03I've got all I need in
19:04glorious technicolor.
19:06Where is it, then?
19:08Oh, well, it's somewhere
19:09safe.
19:09I can't lay my hands
19:10on it at the moment.
19:11You said you could.
19:14I'm funny like that.
19:15Sometimes I say things.
19:17I think you're a sodding
19:18liar, Jack.
19:19I think this video is
19:20one of your little
19:21fantasies.
19:22So arrest me.
19:23You've got till
19:24tomorrow.
19:25Then I will.
19:28Right, then.
19:36Hello.
19:36Winchester Club?
19:37Put me through
19:38at the library, please.
19:40Dave, that's not
19:41very nice.
19:42Listen, if Arnie
19:43comes in, tell him
19:44to dwell there, will
19:44you?
19:44I want a word.
19:46Yeah.
19:46Okay.
19:47Ta-ra.
19:54No, no, it's all right.
19:55It's all right.
19:55Don't worry.
19:56Here, have the last
19:57ten minutes on me.
19:58Oh, thanks.
20:20No, I'm sorry.
20:21I'm closing.
20:24Oh, I said I'm closing.
20:26Don't mind him.
20:27He's only been helpful.
20:29I've got one of your
20:30videos here.
20:31Ordinary people.
20:33Well, where's the box?
20:34Ah, you've already got that.
20:35You see, my old lady
20:36made a bit of the Le Mans.
20:37She brought back four
20:38videos this morning,
20:39but one of them
20:40was mine.
20:43Am I, uh...
20:44Am I getting through?
20:46See, I give you this
20:47back, and you give me
20:49mine.
20:51What's it called?
20:54Oh.
20:55Storm Troopers in
20:56Suspenders.
20:57Yeah, we wouldn't want
20:57that to go missing,
20:58would we?
20:59Just get it, pal,
20:59will you?
21:03Ah.
21:05No, there is one
21:05slight problem.
21:06It's out on hire.
21:07Yeah, well, that'll be
21:08yours, won't it?
21:09No.
21:10Now, you see what I
21:11mean?
21:11Because you've got two
21:12of them now, right?
21:13And one of them's
21:14mine.
21:17Right, Charles,
21:17have you got here?
21:18Yeah.
21:19Sorry, I didn't quite
21:20catch that.
21:21Why don't you have a
21:21little check around,
21:23and then you can go
21:25and have a nice drink.
21:26Here, see?
21:27How much do you earn
21:28in this rat hole,
21:29anyway?
21:30Look, there's more.
21:32Loot.
21:33Lovely loot.
21:34The root of all evil.
21:36Suddenly,
21:38don't be such a bad day
21:38after all, is it, eh?
21:42Good boy, good boy.
21:54This isn't it.
21:56It's a different label.
21:57It's the same film,
21:58isn't it?
21:59Just take it, will you,
22:00and take your money as
22:01well, and stick it
22:02somewhere in the...
22:03No, no, no.
22:05I'll take two quid of that
22:06for the video that's
22:07overdue.
22:08You don't understand.
22:09This is not my video.
22:11No, you see,
22:12your video is out on
22:13higher, so you can't
22:14have it.
22:14Am I getting through?
22:16Well, just tell me
22:16who you loaned it out
22:17to, and I'll go around
22:18and make the swap
22:19myself.
22:19Well, I couldn't do
22:20that.
22:21No, a member's
22:22address is strictly
22:22confidential.
22:25Do you know who I am?
22:27Do you know who
22:28you're talking to?
22:29This is Jack Last,
22:30my friend.
22:31Does that mean
22:31anything to you?
22:35I don't care if
22:35it's Jack the Ripper.
22:37I'm shutting up
22:37the shop.
22:39Now, if you want
22:40your video, come
22:41back tomorrow, eh?
22:43Let me give him a
22:44smack.
22:44Just a little one.
22:45No, no, no, no.
22:47We come back tomorrow,
22:48and we pick up the
22:49video, and if there's
22:51any problems, you
22:53ain't got a video
22:54shop left.
22:58Go on, sling your
22:59hook.
23:14You know what I
23:15think?
23:16I think the silly sod's
23:17gone and lost it.
23:18Yeah.
23:19Get someone under the
23:20local, Nick.
23:21Find out who owns that
23:22video shop.
23:30Huh.
23:31There they are.
23:32Bonnie and Clyde.
23:34Why don't we give
23:35him a tug, Gub?
23:36Very tempting
23:37proposition, Mellish,
23:38but I shall resist it.
23:39What do you mean?
23:40I've got bigger fish
23:41to fry.
23:47That is what I mean.
23:52So what are we
23:52talking about here,
23:53then, Arthur?
23:54Microwaves?
23:55No, no, no.
23:55Your old-fashioned
23:56kitchen range.
23:57Look.
23:58Like that.
24:00Oh, yeah.
24:02God help us.
24:03Look at the state of
24:04that kitchen.
24:05No, no, no.
24:05That is the country
24:06kitchen look.
24:07Country pigsty look,
24:08my right?
24:09All that fitted
24:10high-tech stuff is
24:11well passé now.
24:12Well, I think it's an
24:14attempt to recreate the
24:15rural past, but more
24:17myth than reality.
24:19Pardon?
24:20Well, that's what it
24:21says here.
24:21Oh, look,
24:22don't you be serious.
24:23What I'm trying to tell
24:24is you find any old
24:25cookers like that,
24:25you're on a tour.
24:27Result?
24:30Oh, what, to tell?
24:32You all right?
24:33No.
24:34Roger.
24:36Um, I think I'll have a
24:37large brandy and
24:38American, please.
24:39One of those,
24:40don't you say?
24:40Yeah, you could say
24:41that, yeah.
24:46They're all in here
24:47this evening.
24:48The cream de la cream.
24:50Is this for that
24:51yuppie twerp, Nigel?
24:52Good evening,
24:53gentlemen.
24:53Oh, God, plod.
24:55Isn't this charming?
24:57The lads are swapping
24:59ideas about wallpaper.
25:00That must belong to
25:01her indoors.
25:02She's a regular subscriber.
25:03What about you, Arnie?
25:05You interested in
25:05homes and gardens,
25:07are you?
25:07No, I live in a tower
25:09block.
25:09We don't have to
25:10bother with that
25:10sort of thing.
25:11Excuse me.
25:14They're at it.
25:15I can tell.
25:17I can smell it.
25:18Oh, no.
25:19I think there was
25:19Arnie, Gov.
25:20He's always covered
25:20in deezer,
25:21haven't you noticed?
25:24Did you bring
25:25the takings?
25:27No.
25:28What do you mean,
25:29no?
25:30Well, I forgot,
25:31all right?
25:31No, it is not
25:32all right.
25:33Look, you extorted
25:34a one around me
25:34for minding the shop.
25:36I need to cash
25:36Look, just don't
25:37give me any
25:37your rake tonight,
25:38all right?
25:39Just not another
25:40word.
25:41Look, all I'm
25:42saying...
25:42Right.
25:43That's it.
25:45Night, all.
25:46Oi, hold on.
25:47Where are you going?
25:48Come back.
25:49Terry!
25:53Dave?
25:55You know
25:56those old
25:56kitchen stoves,
25:57you know,
25:58the ones with
25:58the doors?
25:59No.
26:15Who is it?
26:17Me!
26:20Go away!
26:21Oh, come on, Terry,
26:22what's the matter
26:22with you?
26:23Open up!
26:24Come on!
26:28Look, brought you a drink.
26:35It upsets me
26:36when you get the hump.
26:38Yeah, does it?
26:39Yeah, it does.
26:40I care.
26:41I'm concerned.
26:42I feel like a father
26:43feels towards his son.
26:45Do what?
26:47His brother.
26:49Also, I still haven't got
26:50anyone to run the shop.
26:51Now, listen, you...
26:52Sorry, sorry.
26:53I just thought I'd mention it.
26:57Bloody shop.
26:58That's where it all started.
27:00What?
27:01Where...
27:01What happened?
27:03Nah.
27:04Nah, you wouldn't understand.
27:06Terry, how can you say that?
27:08Terry?
27:09My ears are yours for bending.
27:12All right, then, look.
27:14I was sitting in the shop today
27:16and who should walk in
27:17but Jack Last?
27:18Jack Last?
27:20Jack Last?
27:21That's what I said.
27:22Jack Last, yeah.
27:24He comes in with one of his men, right?
27:26And, uh...
27:27Well, he's given it all that...
27:28all that menacing looks.
27:29And he asks about this video.
27:32Now, the thing is, you see,
27:33I knew who he was
27:34but he didn't know who I was.
27:35Well, there was a bit of a misunderstanding
27:37and then...
27:38then he started getting annoyed.
27:40What?
27:42But then,
27:43he gets out his dough
27:44and starts plonking ten-pound notes
27:46down on the counter.
27:48And that's when it happened.
27:50What?
27:50What, what, what happened?
27:52It was the way that he was
27:53putting the money down.
27:54I mean,
27:55I could see him looking at me
27:56thinking,
27:56here's some Wally
27:57who works in a poxied video shop
27:58who's never seen a tenner before.
28:01And I thought,
28:02well, that's it then, is it?
28:03That's what it's come to.
28:05Then he started making threats
28:06and his mate was really looking for a ruck.
28:08And...
28:09do you know what I did, Arthur?
28:11You hit him?
28:13No.
28:14I walked away from it.
28:17Do you see what I mean?
28:19It was a very...
28:21depressing moment.
28:22A very depressing moment?
28:24Well, I do not believe this.
28:26Jack Last is making threats in my shop
28:28and you are depressed.
28:30Look, you asked me
28:30what was giving me the hump.
28:31I just told you, all right?
28:32Look, will you shut it
28:33about your midlife crisis for a moment
28:35and tell me
28:35what was he making threats about?
28:38Oh, I don't know.
28:38Apparently,
28:39one of your videos
28:40got mixed up with one of his
28:42and I loaned his out by mistake.
28:44That's all.
28:46Mind you,
28:46he did say that if...
28:48if he didn't have his one back
28:50first thing in the morning,
28:50you wouldn't have a video shop left.
28:52Oh.
28:55Makes you wonder, though,
28:56doesn't it?
28:56No, it does not make me wonder.
28:58Well, it should, Arthur.
28:59I mean, why would Jack Last
29:00get all lathered up
29:02about some soppy video?
29:03I wonder how you
29:04can be so irresponsible,
29:05upsetting Jack Last.
29:07Terry,
29:07I do not want my shop
29:09burnt down.
29:10You will get the video
29:11and return it first thing
29:13before the man
29:14gets really nasty.
29:16I'll think about it.
29:18Terry,
29:18I beg you.
29:19I said I'll think about it.
29:22Depends.
29:23On what?
29:26If he asks nicely.
29:28Oh.
29:51That's a good one.
30:12Ah!
30:14Arthur Daly.
30:15Who wants to know?
30:17Inspector Dyer. Serious crime squad. Back a word with you. Inside.
30:23Serious crimes?
30:27I've never committed a serious crime in my life, Inspector. Or a frivolous one, for that matter.
30:33Right in Aladdin's cave you've got here.
30:35All legitimate stuff, I can assure you. I have the paperwork to prove it.
30:39And Mr. Rycott can vouch for my legitimacy.
30:41Rycott?
30:42Detective Sergeant Rycott, from our ever-friendly police station.
30:46Him and me have a close working relationship.
30:48Both being dedicated to law and order in the local community.
30:52You're a busy man, aren't you, Daley?
30:55Yes, yes, that is true.
30:57Then there's the video shop, isn't there?
31:01Come again?
31:02Daley videos. That's your business, isn't it?
31:05Oh, yes, yes, that is true. That is my business, yes.
31:07So you know Jack Last, then, do you?
31:10Jack Last?
31:12Jack, Jack Last?
31:15Daley.
31:17I am not a patient man.
31:20Jack Last was seen in your shop yesterday.
31:23Yes.
31:24Now, either you stop giving me the run around and tell me all about it,
31:27or I'll assume that you're webbed up with him.
31:30In which case, you're in very serious trouble.
31:33Jack Last.
31:35Jack Last. Yes, now you mention it, I do believe he is a customer.
31:38Is that why he's got a car parked outside your shop at the moment?
31:41God, what?
31:42Why?
31:43Why is that, do you reckon?
31:45Well, I don't have much to do with the day-to-day running of the shop,
31:50but my manager did tell me there was some confusion over a tape.
31:57Believe me, that is the strength of it, officer.
32:00Stand on me, I've never ever met the man.
32:04All right, Daley.
32:07We'll be in touch.
32:13Be very, very careful, Daley.
32:21You don't seem to be taking this in.
32:24Serious crime squad.
32:26I mean, Rycott's one thing.
32:28He's like a wart, you get used to him.
32:30But these two were not nice, Terry.
32:33I probably think you've been robbing security vans with Jack Last.
32:37Now, if you were to get 20 years,
32:39even with remission, you'd probably never see the light of day again, would you?
32:41Jerry, how can you joke about such things?
32:43Easy.
32:45Hold on, hold on, that's number eight.
32:48This must be it.
32:49God, look at the state of that.
32:54There's always someone worse off than you.
32:59And I think he's it.
33:00What do you want?
33:01Hello, do you remember me from the video shop?
33:03Look, there's been a mix-up with the tapes.
33:05Yeah, look, not half there hasn't.
33:07I've got a complaint to make about one of them tapes.
33:11I'm getting curious about this.
33:13Would you mind if we came in and had a look at it?
33:15You mean I can't go in there.
33:1820 years, Arthur.
33:29It goes out of focus from time to time, and I can't hear a word they're saying.
33:35It'll be last for six minutes.
33:36Got Barry Norman here.
33:39Take a seat.
33:40No, thanks.
33:41No, thanks.
33:47That's it over here, that's rubbish.
33:48That's him!
33:49That's the old Bill that was harassing me this morning.
33:51You know who that is, don't you, Bill?
33:52It's that flashkit Freddy Dyer.
33:54Tried to nick me once when he was a DC.
33:56Oh, look, who's turned up.
33:58Jolly Jack last.
34:05I thought it was going to get good here.
34:09Oh, my God, she's taking off her...
34:11Yeah, but then it goes out of focus.
34:14Even if you freeze frame, you can't see much.
34:17Look at the size of those.
34:20I think that's enough for you.
34:23I think this will come in very handy.
34:25Come on, let's get out of here.
34:27What about me refund?
34:28I had a question.
34:29You have just been blackboard from the Arthur Daly Video Club.
34:36Look, what are we going to do?
34:37We're in dead stock whichever way we go.
34:39Between the devil and the deep blue what's-it.
34:42And no fault of mine, I might add.
34:43If you hadn't got those tapes mixed up in the first place,
34:45we wouldn't be in this situation.
34:46Now, if you don't stop moaning,
34:48I'm not going to tell you how to get out of this.
34:50What?
34:51Al, what do you mean?
34:52Look, we go to the lock-up and we make a copy of the tape, right?
34:55Yeah.
34:55We give the original to Jack Last.
34:57Yeah.
34:57And we keep a copy just in case there's any aggro from Dyer.
35:01Brilliant.
35:02Yeah, it's funny, you know.
35:03I was thinking along similar.
35:04Just getting the cards.
35:07Oh, yes.
35:08This could turn out extremely nicely.
35:10Bit of influence in Scotland Yard will come in very handy.
35:13Just remember, this is only a last resort.
35:17I mean, don't expect Freddie Dyer to start inviting you to play golf with the commissioner.
35:21Don't worry, I wouldn't use you as my caddy anyway.
35:27I just had a look on you.
35:46Oh, my God.
35:48It's them again.
35:49The videos.
35:51Do something.
35:54Now, don't turn them off.
35:56Just close the doors.
36:12It's Arnie.
36:13Morning, Harper.
36:15Have I got a sensational old stove for you?
36:17A sensational stove?
36:18Well lived in.
36:19Come take a look.
36:20You have?
36:21We'd better get it down to site that night.
36:22You'll have a look at it.
36:24Terry, you'll be able to finish this job on your own, won't you?
36:26That's right, Arthur.
36:28You run away.
36:29Well, I think it's better if I'm out of the way for an hour or so, don't you?
36:31Oh, yeah, yeah.
36:32You go and have a nice time with Nigel.
36:33I'll stay here and save your skin.
36:35I knew you'd understand.
36:37Come on, let's have a look at it.
36:38Ta-ra, Terry.
36:39Thanks very much, Terry.
36:43This could be it.
36:44Hold on.
36:45Daley's getting into his car.
36:47I am not blind, Belly.
36:50We start a bloody car.
37:26There was eight weeks later.
37:26There have been some
37:53I don't know.
37:59That's the second time he's done that.
38:01Don't muck about. Have you got it or not?
38:04You tell him to turn that sign round, and I'll tell you.
38:09All right, do it.
38:14Right.
38:16Have you got my video?
38:17You ask me nicely, and I'll tell you.
38:19Let me ask him, Jack.
38:20No, you shut your mouth, because every time you open it, I feel sick.
38:24All right. All right.
38:25Jack, you're a very hard nut.
38:27I'm very impressed.
38:28May I please have my video?
38:30Because if you have it, I would be very grateful if you would return it to me.
38:34Thank you very much.
38:39There.
38:40All you had to do was ask.
38:43Guitar.
38:45You got a back way out of you?
38:46Yeah, all right. Come on.
38:50I can have him now, can I, Jack?
38:51You're my guest.
38:58Oh, I'm sorry.
39:04Just a bit of public relations.
39:08Uh, we haven't done a left yet, Guff.
39:11Or have we?
39:13Just do it, Mellish.
39:15If we don't find them, I'm going to kill you.
39:18Dead.
39:20You did what, Terry?
39:22Terry, you are a mature adult.
39:24You're not supposed to go around hitting people.
39:26You'll have to pay for any damage if there is any.
39:29I'll talk to you later.
39:30Nigel's just arrived.
39:32Hi, Nigel.
39:34Arthur, hi.
39:36You've got your lovely piece of lived-in kitchen furniture.
39:38Oh, fabulous, Arthur.
39:40It's got that terrific, knocked-about look.
39:42I should think so.
39:43Should have seen the way we loaded it.
39:46Do you think you could use the hoist to get it up to the fourth floor, Martin?
39:48It'll go nicely and flatten iron.
39:50Yeah, we can give it a whirl.
39:52Uh, Nigel, could we, uh, talk money for a second?
39:55Certainly.
39:57All right.
39:58Take her up a bit.
39:59Now, Nigel, I've done my research here,
40:02and I know these stoves can stand you in two grand, second hand.
40:06Two grand?
40:07But as it's you, I'm prepared to talk one and a half.
40:12Seven-fifty?
40:17There they are.
40:18Put your foot down, Mellish.
40:29Wicott!
40:33Harley!
40:34It's come on top!
40:35Give on us!
40:39No, stop!
40:48Start, police!
40:50Oi, oi, oi, oi!
40:52You're Nick, Dartha.
40:54And you, sunshine.
40:56You can't arrest me.
40:57I'm...
40:58I'm an architect.
40:59There's my Porsche.
41:05Right, cop.
41:06I think you want to deliver it.
41:07I think you want to deliver it.
41:08I think you want to deliver it.
41:08I think you want to deliver it.
41:09There's nothing more than a personal vendetta against my person.
41:11That's right, Arthur.
41:12And against mine.
41:13And mine and all.
41:14All right, all right.
41:15Let's have some hush.
41:17I am pleased...
41:18No, I am delighted to tell you lot that you are in very serious trouble.
41:25Now, wait a minute, shall we?
41:26You don't mean me.
41:27I mean all of you.
41:30You, Arthur, as the ringleader of this little band of thieves, are in it deepest of all.
41:36I hope you're all noting the verbal harassment that I am being subjected to.
41:40Let's see what we've got here, hmm?
41:44Theft.
41:44Receiving stolen goods, conspiracy to pervert the course of justice, malicious damage to
41:51a police vehicle with a stove cooking for the use of...
41:54I told you, I brought that stove off the geezer that owned it.
41:57That's all right, Arnie.
41:58We'll see.
41:59There will be other offences to be considered.
42:02Malish, go and ring up Mr Sinclair, will you, and ask him to get up the station to identify
42:06Arnie here.
42:07Right, go.
42:09You remember Mrs Sinclair, Arnie?
42:13No, never heard of him.
42:15Never.
42:16Oh.
42:17Well, perhaps you recall his gates and his lovely lions, what sat on them.
42:21I brought those lions in very good faith from Mr Daly here.
42:26Thank you very much, Mr Miller, most useful.
42:29The yuppies are wrong'un.
42:33Rycott, I demand that you contact Inspector Dyer of the Serious Crime Squad.
42:39What are you on about, Daly?
42:42Yeah, what are you on about, Arthur?
42:43I insist on speaking to Inspector Dyer immediately.
42:48I think you'll find he'll cast a very different light over this miscarriage of justice.
42:55You can squawk as much as you like, Daly.
42:58It will get you nowhere at all.
43:00This time, they are going to lock you up.
43:09Do you mean you've got them all down in the cells?
43:17Yeah.
43:18We're just waiting for this bloke to come in and identify Arnie, then Rycott's going to charge him.
43:23How's Arthur taking all this?
43:25Thinks he's the bird man of Arcatraz, isn't he?
43:28Bye, Sandy.
43:31He's starting to scratch the daze on his cell wall.
43:34Think he's only been down there 20 minutes.
43:36We're never going to hear the end of this, are we?
43:38Keep screaming blue murder about some inspector from the yard.
43:42Dyer or something.
43:43What's that about?
43:44One of Arthur's fantasies?
43:46Yeah, probably, yeah.
43:49Dyer?
43:52Um, I've got a certain videotape here I think you might be interested in.
43:57Yeah, that's the one.
44:01Ah, no.
44:02No, before I hand it over, you're going to have to do me a little favour.
44:09Yes, Inspector, I understand.
44:11I normally wouldn't consider it, but in view of the circumstances.
44:14I appreciate it.
44:16Of course, if there's anything I can do in the future...
44:19Come.
44:22Ah, Sergeant Rycott.
44:24This is Inspector Dyer of Serious Crime.
44:27What do you do?
44:28Oh, hello.
44:30He's come to ask us a favour concerning one Arthur Daly.
44:35He has?
44:35I believe you have Daly and some others in custody.
44:39Oh, yes, I have.
44:40The thing is that we've been mounting a lengthy investigation.
44:43I'd prefer not to go into details...
44:45...other than to mention the name Jack Last.
44:49Ah, yes.
44:50Jack Last.
44:51Yeah, it's an investigation that's been going on for three years.
44:54And if Daly is charged, then I believe that he could jeopardise the whole operation.
45:00Daly?
45:01He is instrumental in key areas.
45:03Wait.
45:04Wait.
45:05What does this mean you're telling me, sir, I've got to...
45:09Let him go.
45:10Yes, Sergeant.
45:11We have to consider the larger issue here.
45:16Rycott.
45:17Are you all right?
45:26What do I always say?
45:28Trust Arthur.
45:29Unbelievable, Arthur.
45:30They had to speak to rights.
45:31Speak to rights?
45:34Arthur Daly.
45:36The man they couldn't hold.
45:54I want to see either you or Daly ever again.
45:58The feeling's mutual, Cosa.
46:08Oh, that gun, have you do yourself an injury?
46:13I deserve it, Mellish.
46:15I deserve the pain.
46:21You should have seen him when he came out.
46:23He said,
46:23Have there been any great technological advances while I've been away?
46:30How long were you inside for, Arthur?
46:32You can lock a man up, but you cannot imprison his spirit.
46:36It's up here.
46:37If you've got it up here, incarceration means nothing.
46:41An hour and a half.
46:42He was banged up for an hour and a half.
46:45I like.
46:45Surely you had a right result, thanks to Terry.
46:49Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, true, true, true.
46:51Once, Terry didn't make a pig's ear of it.
46:53Oh, cheers, Arthur.
46:55Oh, we got out of that a treat.
46:57No problem.
46:59Yeah, no problem.
47:06No problem.
47:18Oh, I wonder why they buried a wheelbarrow, though.
47:23A bloody daily!
47:25Oh, I wonder why they buried a wheelbarrow, though.
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