00:00all right so there's a company called student treasures that specializes in stuff like that
00:06where like you have your kid write a story with pictures or something and you can call upon this
00:12company to make a limited amount of published actual like book copies of that and like for
00:19like either your family or like if you're in school your whole class gets a copy do not i'm
00:27not showing you the pin but it probably doesn't work anymore and really do not say anything about
00:32what's underneath that number i see it so my school called upon this company to publish a lot
00:40of our school projects growing up so by a weird technicality i've been a published author for 15
00:47years so yeah and this specific book i can't show you the cover because it'll dox my whole class in
00:56school but this was in when i was in fourth grade this is from 2015 and the objective was to
01:05write
01:05a pourquoi story that's like just fables but they're specifically like you make up some dumb
01:14explanation for why a certain thing is the way it is and i'm gonna take you through my story i
01:20wrote
01:20for this well we could pull that up so here's how this sort of works there's my picture i drew
01:26on that
01:27side and the story it's meant to go for uh trying to cover out my name and face are up
01:33there don't
01:34want to show that but this was called why snakes don't have arms or legs and you can kind of
01:40read
01:40what i wrote way back then i think we can touch this up and make it a nice old wholesome
01:47family fun
01:48story for the world to see why snakes don't have arms or legs by chief legend h10 that's my real
01:55legal name i decided i am comfortable sharing it after all a long time before now let's say
02:032002 that sounds about right back in 2002 snake had arms and legs his real name is lizard because
02:11that's basically what this is at that point but he preferred to be called snake because he really
02:15loved the simpsons metal gear solid and snake on his ti-84 calculator and he thought whoa all three
02:22of my favorite things have a character called snake that should be my name but he also did not have
02:28any blood flow in his arms or legs so he couldn't move them and they were basically just for decoration
02:33and he would go around and brag about this i guess unhealthy coping mechanism for his disability
02:39something you gotta know target audience and preschoolers is that snake was a goddamn fucking
02:46asshole he'd tailgate you even if you're going 20 miles over the speed limit he just wanted to go
02:51even faster your axe body spirit and axe body paint but worst of all he had himself a little superiority
02:59complex and bullied everyone at any chance he got even if they considered him a friend he'd be like
03:05yo wolf is that your fucking wanger hanging out down there you what are you excited to see me
03:10gay loser uh that depends you think it's big and good looking no what all right then it's my tail
03:19it's my tail why were they friends not anymore they're old now too that last part's from the
03:27original that's some of that 10 year old stream of consciousness for you but the real answer to
03:31that question is that snake's mom snake's mom she's you know the song the beginning of the end
03:40was when snake was doing his thing i guess this is his thing who are we to judge but he
03:46saw gopher
03:46and wolf chilling together smoking up he remembered that this was the three year anniversary of his dad
03:52leaving and he knew what he had to do yo sir hoes a lot we're gonna pause here i just
03:59want to say
03:59i thought that line was cringy even as a kid like we had to read our stories to the whole
04:05class and i
04:05almost cried because i didn't want to have to read that part uh back to the thing smoking newports
04:12marlboro's better dude their nicotine is better you're such a maggot but replace the m with an f
04:17that's what you are dude it's 2002 no one cares if you say the actual word yet whatever i'm gonna
04:24kick
04:25your ass and i don't even need my face to do it but i do need my switchblade because stand
04:30by me is
04:31my fourth favorite thing suddenly wolf threw a huge ass rock right at snake's head and knocked him out
04:38and snake woke up the next morning to find that wolf had cut off his arms and legs his favorite
04:44thing is
04:44jeffrey dahmer i know you didn't ask but you're thinking that what the fuck is wrong with you whoa
04:53serves you right for being kind of a douche also you have a concussion from getting hit with a rock
04:58bye and for some reason snake's newfound lack of limbs carried on to his children and his grandchildren
05:05so on even though it's not a genetic thing i guess his limbs not working was like an evolutionary
05:12step towards not needing them at all and his kids wouldn't have had them anyway so this story is
05:17just about a sociopath dismembering his bully and there wasn't even a point in all of it that's the
05:22story now you may be thinking why don't worms have any arms or legs what's the story behind that
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