- 1 day ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Tonight on the news...
00:02It's a party bomb!
00:03A couple of skunks are out to get boss,
00:06so he tries to play possum.
00:07The time has come to say farewell to a man
00:10that has touched all of our lives.
00:23I'm too young tonight, guys!
00:34Just a good old boy
00:37Never meaning no harm
00:41Beats all you've never saw
00:43Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born
00:48Straightening the curves
00:51Flatening the hills
00:55Someday the mountain might get them
00:58But the law never will
01:01Making their way
01:03The only way they know how
01:08That's just a little bit more
01:10Than the normal life
01:13Just a good old boy
01:16Wouldn't change if they could
01:21Fighting the system like a two
01:23Modern day Robin Hood
01:25Wee-wah-wah!
01:31Folks and Hazard are betting people
01:33And they bet on the usual things
01:35Will it be an early spring?
01:37Which side of the tree will the moss grow on?
01:39Now you're watching a typical Hazard bet
01:41Can generally get from the Duke farm
01:43To Hazard in 20 minutes
01:44Without using any ropes
01:48Say, Coy
01:49What are you trying to do?
01:50Shake the fillings out of my teeth?
01:51You don't need fillings to drink a beer
01:52And that's our babacooder
01:54How's our time doing?
01:56Eight minutes
01:57And he bet we couldn't get from the farm
01:59To Hazard in 20 minutes
02:00We went going away
02:01I ain't so sure
02:02What do you see in this?
02:14That's a sucker bet
02:15With Coy driving
02:19I'll enjoy more
02:20The beer
02:21I'll watch a cooter pay for it
02:24Unless we run to some kind of detour
02:26And lose that bet
02:27Well, I wasn't too thirsty anyway
02:39I'm not sure you got an extra radiator in there
02:40You know, we were just driving along
02:42When all of a sudden
02:43Earth went poop like a volcano
02:44Oh, I'm Lorna Mallory
02:45And this is my brother, Matt
02:46Howdy, Cory Duke
02:48Nice to meet you
02:48Nice to meet you
02:49Nice to meet you
02:49Nice to meet you
02:49Nice to meet you
02:50Nice to meet you
02:50Well, let's take a look at that radiator
02:53Here's your trouble
02:54Busted hose
02:54Can it be passed up good enough
02:56To get us into Hazard?
02:57If we had the right tape
02:57We could
02:58Which we don't
02:58Well, I reckon the best thing for us to do
03:00Is drive you folks to go to the house
03:01Back into town
03:01The fellow who runs the garage
03:02Cooter Davenport
03:04He'll come up with something to fix it
03:05Sounds good to me
03:06Besides, it'll be
03:07The first time I got in a car through the window
03:09Oh, it's real easy, man
03:10Once you get the hang of it
03:11Come on, I'll show you
03:16Here, let me help you
03:19Well, you country boys
03:20Think of everything, don't you?
03:22We try, man
03:23Yes, indeed
03:24We sure try
03:34Folks, hold on now
03:35I will
03:45Cooter's closed
03:46Hey, there's a note on boss's car
03:57Boss, your car's all set
03:59If you need me for anything later
04:00Call me this afternoon
04:02Cooter Davenport
04:03Knowing Cooter
04:04That can mean anywhere from noon
04:05Till six o'clock
04:06Well, that's no sweat
04:07We were planning on staying in Hazard
04:08A couple of days anyways
04:09In fact, they tell me
04:10The fishing's pretty good around here
04:12Oh, shoot
04:12Couldn't be better
04:13As a matter of fact
04:14There's a fishing pond
04:14Within walking distance from here
04:16With more trout than a possum has fleas
04:18Well, gee
04:18That sounds awfully good to me
04:20I think we'll just check into the hotel
04:22And wait till your friend can fix our car
04:24And get up the fishing tackle
04:29Something tells me
04:30I'm gonna like Hazard a whole bunch
04:40J.D. Hogg real estate
04:43Hazard dry goods store
04:45J.D. Hogg proprietor
04:47Not to mention the bank
04:48The funeral home
04:49Just about everything else in Hazard
04:51Well, he sounds like a real character to me
04:52I just might like to meet him
04:54Well, that'd be real easy
04:55All you gotta do
04:56Is hold the dollar bill
04:57Outside the window of the county building
04:58And if a hand comes out
04:59And grabs it
04:59That'll be boss
05:01Now, why do you reckon
05:03Them two are so curious
05:04About old boss?
05:10Here you go
05:17I'll get that
05:20Well, thank you, Vance, honey
05:23Oh, dang
05:25Thanks for coming to my rescue twice
05:27In the same day
05:28Believe me
05:29Pleasure's all mine
05:31And don't you worry about a thing
05:33Kudo will fix up your car
05:34As soon as he gets back
05:34And good luck with the fishing
05:35Appreciate it
05:36All right, we'll see you later
05:37Good luck, Pete
05:38Bye
05:46Real nice, weren't they?
05:48Why wouldn't they be the way you were shining up to them?
05:50Well, you know what they say
05:51About catching more flies with honey than vinegar
05:54Now we know just exactly
05:55Where Mr. J.D. Hogg holds up
05:57And what kind of car he drives
05:59Now, you know
06:00And I know
06:00That them two are trouble
06:01And anybody who'd bet
06:03That the Dukes ain't gonna be
06:04Right there in the middle of it
06:05Is taking another sucker bed
06:08That Lorna
06:09She's some kind of lady
06:11Except for one thing
06:12She don't see very well
06:14What makes you say that?
06:16Why else would she shine onto you
06:17When I'm around?
06:19Seeing as how
06:20That there ain't no way of telling
06:21Exactly when Kudo would be back to Hazard
06:23The boys headed back to the park
06:24While up in their hotel room
06:26Matt and Lorna were looking over the town
06:29Spot anything interesting?
06:31See for yourself
06:32Top of the county building
06:36Another perfect paint job
06:38By the J.D. Hogg Painting Company
06:41I think the J.D. Hogg Paint Company
06:43Has just done half our work for us
06:45Well, I just hope that he's got
06:46Plenty of accident insurance
06:47Cause his widow's gonna need it
06:49Once we knock him off
06:51Three things come to mind
06:53Boss is in trouble
06:54The Dukes are gonna be in trouble
06:56And these two ain't brother and sister
07:00Save it for later, baby
07:01We both got plenty of work to do still
07:04Just one for the road
07:08Roscoe, piece your eyes on this
07:09It's the inspiration of a lifetime
07:11A candy machine?
07:13Yeah, I'm testing them out right now
07:15Oh, testing them?
07:15Yeah, and if everything works out fine
07:17Well, then I'm gonna put one of these candy machines
07:20In every store in town
07:21Every store?
07:22Oh, I want them
07:25Oh, there we are
07:27Yeah, see that?
07:28That was a doozy
07:29You know, I oughta rake in
07:30A hundred dollars a day in quarters
07:32Yeah, that's right
07:32That looks yummy
07:33I think I'll have one of those
07:35Oh, got a quarter?
07:36Got a quarter
07:36Get a quarter
07:38Get in there
07:39And I'll just
07:39Get me a zowie
07:40Get a little
07:43Get good
07:44Get it
07:46Oh, too bad
07:57Seeing as how their own car was still busted
07:59That female barracuda had to swipe another one
08:02In case they had to make a fast getaway
08:04Now, I figure whatever they do
08:06There are pros
08:07And pros think ahead
08:35You've been using real quarters, ain't you?
08:37You bet I have
08:37Just like they all will
08:40To get the candy
08:41You gotta use slugs
08:43Like this one
08:44Slugs?
08:44Yeah
08:44What is it?
08:45And I got the only slugs in there
08:48What is it?
08:50Where do you get the slugs?
08:52Oh, out of my pay telephone
08:53What is it?
08:58Slugs!
08:59Sucker!
09:04Meanwhile, the boys came back to Hazard
09:06That may offer their debt to Coo
09:07And Daisy was delivering the rhubarb pie
09:10That she promised Enos
09:11Ain't there the wonderful
09:12I live for it
09:13It's wonderful for you
09:13But if I could get a nibble once in a while
09:15Oh, don't you worry about that, nun
09:28Yeah
09:32Yeah
09:33Yeah
09:36Yeah
09:42Yeah
09:44Yeah
09:44Yeah
09:49Wait a minute, if it was an accident.
10:03I saw some fella hiding in the bushes
10:04and he lit out when he saw me coming.
10:06Well, what the heck is that supposed to mean?
10:08I don't know yet, boss, but he jumped into a car
10:10and took off out of town like he was guilty of something.
10:12I reckon the general's gonna have something to say about this.
10:14Come on.
10:15Hey, give this to Ennis, all right?
10:18Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:19Give me that pie.
10:24Well, listen, after a close call like this one,
10:26I need something to calm my nerves.
10:27Well, I want to get some of that.
10:29That's supposed to mean, too.
10:46Did he recognize you?
10:47I don't think so.
10:49We better ditch this car as soon as we can, though.
11:01Have any idea who we're chasing?
11:03No, I didn't get close enough to get a good look at them.
11:05I didn't recognize the car either.
11:06Well, whoever it is, they won't be running
11:08unless they have something to hide.
11:09No, no, no.
11:39Let's get around this bend up here.
11:41It's about a mile straight road.
11:42Ain't no way we won't catch up with a minute.
11:45Hurry up now!
11:53You know, it's gotten so that when a duke says, hold on, I just automatically grab something.
11:58Don't you?
12:12How's that for a phase of action?
12:13For them or us.
12:14There isn't even a sign of that car.
12:17It wouldn't help if there was.
12:18By the time we change this tire, they're going to be long gone.
12:20Come on.
12:23After ditching that stolen car in an alley, the Mallory's figured it was time to check in with the fellow
12:27who was paying them to get rid of old Bob.
12:29Mr. Calloway, please.
12:30Who is this?
12:31Just tell him it's a call he's been expecting.
12:33It's for you.
12:39Hello.
12:40Where are you?
12:41At a payphone in Hazard.
12:42We didn't want to go through the hotel switchboard.
12:44Good thinking.
12:45Did you, uh, settle that unfinished business for me?
12:48Well, not quite yet.
12:49There was just a slight hitch.
12:51I ain't paying you for hitches.
12:53I've been waiting 20 years to pay back that fat water buffalo for what he's done to me.
13:00And I have this over.
13:01I'm clearing out of this country for good.
13:03Don't worry.
13:04We're working on something right now.
13:34Now, just about the time Davey, we're working on something right now.
13:36When he's in, the boys got General Lee squared away and headed back for town.
13:43Boss was setting out to do what he loved most next to Eaton.
13:46That is foreclosing the morning.
13:48He didn't know that somebody was about to foreclose on him the first time he used his brakes.
13:53He's gone left towards Petersville.
13:56Yeah.
13:56Ain't that sad, seeing how that road is downhill all the way.
14:11I hope old J.D. pays his bill as fast as he pulled out of here.
14:41That's less than two minutes from here.
14:43Boss, this is Daisy.
14:44We're coming fast.
14:45Boss, you just hang in there.
14:46How can I hang in?
14:47When I can have you hang on?
14:51In addition, don't worry, little fat buddy.
14:53Lies and me are right behind you.
15:01Hey, look, there he goes now.
15:02Let's hope we can stop him in time.
15:10Now, I believe if I was that fella, I'd pick another day to go to Hazard.
15:15No, no, no, no, no, no.
15:17No, no, no, no.
15:20See what I mean?
15:22We ought to just turn right around and go back where he come from.
15:34What do you think?
15:47Boss, this here's Vance Duke.
15:49Now listen, what you gotta do is try to slowly downshift into first gear
15:52and then let the gear slow you down.
15:54Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!
15:56This man must be close to the mic.
15:57Until he lets go, he ain't gonna hear us.
16:00All right, then we're gonna have to downshift for him.
16:02Now get as close to him as you can and hold her steady.
16:05Woof! Woof!
16:12Y'all remember them Saturday mat-day cowboy movies?
16:15Well, now you know where old Vance was in his hair.
16:18I got a horse, I got a horse, I got a horse, I got a horse, I got a horse,
16:20I got a horse, I got a horse, I got a horse!
16:29Get it, get it, get it!
16:32Ooh, example.
16:35Oh, oh, oh!
16:37Oh.
16:39Oh.
16:40Oh.
16:40Are you all right, Ben?
16:42Boss, are you okay?
16:43Will you all hush?
16:44I'm the boss around here.
16:46I'll ask the questions.
16:47You all right, boss?
16:48I don't know.
16:48I don't know.
16:49I don't know.
16:49You don't know.
16:50All I know is I left my stomach back there somewhere on the incline.
16:54Yours is up there, boss.
16:55Mine's right next to it.
16:57Oh, I declare I begin to think someone up there hates me.
16:59Yeah, that ain't no way to talk, boss.
17:01You had two accidents the same day, and you got all scot-free both times.
17:05Yeah.
17:05Now, how come you dukes were at the scene of that supposed accident each time, huh?
17:09How do we know you didn't rig those so-called accidents?
17:13Now, hold just a second, Roscoe.
17:14You keep talking like that, I'm going to forget you're an officer of the law.
17:17Hush.
17:18I'll knock you in the middle of next week.
17:19Oh, would you all quit finkering?
17:21Oh, would you quit finkering while I'm still snaking?
17:23Well, you shouldn't...
17:24Not that I wouldn't put it past you, dukes.
17:26No.
17:26No, but the only one to blame for what happened to these brakes is Cooter.
17:30Cooter.
17:30Boss, you can't believe that.
17:32Oh, yeah?
17:33Who's see us?
17:33Yeah.
17:34I mean, Cooter was the last one to work on this here car before I took you there, wasn't he?
17:38That's right.
17:38Well, he was.
17:39Yeah.
17:39No, it's his fault.
17:40Yeah, she's fault.
17:41Oh, just don't stand there.
17:43Drive me back to town.
17:45Hey, boss, I'll get Cooter on the CV here and have him come out here and tow that thing.
17:49Oh, yeah, good idea.
17:50But you tell him I ain't paying one thin dime for him.
17:56Law sheep to Cooter, law sheep to Crazy C.
17:58Come back?
17:58Breaker one, Breaker one might be crazy, but I ain't dumb crazy.
18:01Cooter, coming back at you.
18:02What's your 20 advance?
18:03What's going on here, huh?
18:04Yeah, Cooter, boss had a little problem with his brakes and he seems to be pointing the finger at you
18:08about it.
18:08I'd like to get you out here and...
18:09Hey, I'm on my way.
18:10I'm down and gone.
18:11See you there.
18:22Well, here's your problem.
18:23What you got?
18:24This here wasn't even connected up to the brake cylinder.
18:27Could it have fallen off by itself?
18:29Nah, see, every time I do a lube job, I double-check all this stuff and I double-checked it
18:34this morning.
18:35Somebody must have taken it off deliberately, hoping boss would crash.
18:38Yeah, like that same somebody that tried to drop the scaffold on him this morning.
18:42Huh?
18:42What?
18:43Wait a minute, I ain't heard about this now.
18:44What's the story on this?
18:45I'd love to tell you about it, partner, but I gotta get back to town and warm boss about this.
18:48Somebody's after him.
18:48Come on, honey.
18:50Whether he deserves it or not, he's in big trouble.
18:52And Uncle Jesse would have a fit if we didn't try to help him.
18:54Take care, Cooter.
19:13Hello, J.D. Hogg residence.
19:15Lulu speaking.
19:16Hello, Mrs. Hogg.
19:17This is Gussie down at the phone company.
19:19May I speak to boss?
19:20Oh, yes, Gussie.
19:21All right, honey, just a minute.
19:23Gussie Peabody.
19:23Oh, Gussie Peabody.
19:24Yeah, yeah, Gussie, this is J.D. Hogg.
19:27Say hello from Roscoe.
19:28Would you just go across the street and tell her yourself?
19:30Why, Gussie?
19:31Listen, Gussie, do you have any of them interesting telephone conversations overheard that I hired you to overhear?
19:37Just one, from a payphone.
19:39This lady was talking to some fellow in Atlanta about him leaving the country
19:43after they paid back a fat water buffalo for something he did 20 years ago.
19:49There's only one man ever called me a water buffalo.
19:52Did he give any names?
19:53It was something like, uh, Flyway.
19:56Oh, no, no, no.
19:57It was Calloway.
19:59Calloway, Calloway, Calloway.
20:02Floyd Calloway.
20:03That's who it was.
20:04Don't you?
20:05Roscoe, you remember 20 years ago?
20:07Oh, yeah.
20:07Yeah, you remember he and I were running shine when the feds closed in.
20:11Yeah, that's right.
20:12And you turned state's evidence so you'd get off the hook.
20:14Yeah, and now I'm back on the hook.
20:17That's where we were born.
20:18Yeah, because that falling scaffold had nearly got me.
20:21Oh, yeah.
20:21And then my brakes go in bed.
20:22Oh, that was a bad coincidence.
20:24Oh, no, no, no.
20:24That was no coincidence.
20:26You mean...
20:26Yeah, yeah.
20:28Calloway, he must be behind everything.
20:30Must be.
20:30And who knows what's next?
20:31Oh, now, my little butterball, don't you worry.
20:34My baby brother Roscoe's here to stop him.
20:36That's right.
20:36Yeah, that's like trying to stop a 10-ton truck with a spitball.
20:39Oh, well, I appreciate that.
20:40I thought you would.
20:41No, listen, I gotta get out of town.
20:43Lulu, honey, you go pack me a suitcase and some vittles.
20:45All right.
20:46Roscoe, you and I are gonna head out to Lake Chickamahony to hide out.
20:50Right.
20:50It's my only chance.
20:51Oh, listen, don't you worry, little fat water buffalo.
20:54All right, everything all sets in.
21:01Yeah, all right.
21:02All right, I guess everything's going.
21:03All right.
21:04Come on, where are you going?
21:05Hey, hey, boy.
21:06Oh, get it, Roscoe!
21:08Hey, man.
21:09Well, you watch what you're doing with my vittles.
21:11That's my boss.
21:11Well, I'm liable to starve to death before I get killed.
21:15Hold up there, boss.
21:16What?
21:17Where you going?
21:18Oh, boss, somebody's trying to get rid of you for keeps.
21:20Yeah, I know all about it.
21:22Why do you think I'm running?
21:23All right, Roscoe, come on.
21:24Get all this stuff up and get it into the trunk of that car.
21:27Oh, gee, gee.
21:28Oh, Lulu, listen, I gotta go now.
21:30But if anybody comes looking for me, you just tell them I'm off to Alaska for the pool of beer
21:35festival.
21:36There you go.
21:37Put that right in there, if you do so kind.
21:40Stick it right in there.
21:41There you go.
21:42Yeah, some more.
21:42There.
21:43All right, all right.
21:44You got everything in there?
21:45Wait a minute.
21:45No need to panic now, boss.
21:47Huh?
21:47You'd be much safer right among your friends and neighbors.
21:50That's right.
21:50Yeah, well, they almost got me twice among my friends and neighbors.
21:53Yeah.
21:54That's okay.
21:55It's probably my watch.
21:58It's a trolley, boss!
22:00Now, would you believe that old Roscoe used to be a demolition expert?
22:04I would.
22:08Boss!
22:09Oh, boss!
22:10No!
22:18It's Calloway!
22:19It's gotta be Calloway!
22:21He's after me again!
22:23I'm a doomed one of the below!
22:25Here, little fat buddy, let me give you a hand.
22:27Oh, wait a minute.
22:28Wait a minute.
22:29What?
22:29You ain't giving me no hand.
22:30No, sir.
22:31I ain't taking no hand from a sheriff who's stupid enough to let his own car be booby-trapped.
22:35What I need is a real bodyguard to protect me 24 hours a day.
22:39Even 25, have you asked me?
22:40You got English in me.
22:42As soon as I get a new vehicle...
22:43Didn't you hear me?
22:44I said I wouldn't trust you to guard my hen house, let alone me.
22:47No, what I need is somebody I can rely on.
22:50Somebody strong.
22:51That's it.
22:51Resourceful.
22:52Right.
22:52Brave.
22:53Absolutely.
22:54Boss, that's Coyan Vance.
22:55Coyan Vance?
22:56Yeah, but if you ask them, they'll do it for you.
22:58All right, I will.
22:59I will.
22:59Boys, I'm asking you, don't let my Lulu become an instant widow.
23:04All right, we'll do it for you.
23:05That's right, boss.
23:06We'll help you.
23:06But on one condition.
23:07What?
23:08We hightail it out to the farm and have a little powwow with Uncle Jesse about this
23:11whole mess.
23:12You want to go have a powwow?
23:13Yes!
23:17Uncle, Lulu, this dude's standing there.
23:19Help me barricade the door.
23:20Come on, come on.
23:21You better get yourself...
23:22Wait a minute.
23:24Wait a minute.
23:25All right.
23:25Get in here.
23:26Ah, J.D.
23:29What in tarnia...
23:31What are you people doing?
23:33We're barricading your front door, that's why.
23:34Yeah, you better start on the back.
23:36Because that Floyd Calloway, he's liable to be sneaking around here just waiting to assassinate
23:40my little fat buddy here.
23:42Now, just a minute.
23:43If what the kids say is true, Calloway's not the one you want to worry about.
23:47What you should be worrying about is that lady that made the phone call from right here
23:51in Hazard.
23:51You mean he sent a hired killer here to get me?
23:54She was probably mixed up with that guy we was chasing.
23:57Seeing as how he was responsible for that scaffold almost falling on boss.
24:00Then he sent two hired killers here to get me.
24:02Oh, yeah, yeah.
24:03Looks that way, boss.
24:05And seeing as how we don't get that many visitors to Hazard, I bet you those two are Matt and
24:09Lorna
24:09Mallory.
24:13It's them!
24:14It's them!
24:14It's them!
24:15It's them!
24:18It's them!
24:19It's them!
24:22Oh, no, it's nobody, boss.
24:26See, I've been training Flash to be a bird dog, and she's barking at a chicken.
24:31Oh, I can't go on like this.
24:33I mean, I'm running like a hunted animal.
24:36I'd be better off dead and buried.
24:39Oh, no, no, don't you say that, J.D. Hogg!
24:42Now, don't you get yourself killed?
24:44I look terrible in black.
24:46You know, I think he would be better off dead and buried.
24:51Wait a minute!
24:53Dance!
24:53I didn't mean what I just said, but you said you'd save me.
24:57So do it.
24:58You get out there and nail them two killers of Calloway, see if they can get me.
25:02Well, that wouldn't help, boss.
25:03They'd just send two more to take their place.
25:05That's right.
25:05But if we could suck them into believing that you really was six feet under.
25:09Yeah.
25:10Calloway would hear about it.
25:11Then he'd go ahead and leave the country like he'd planned on.
25:15And, J.D., you'd be off the hook.
25:17Yes!
25:19So they formed a plan, and everybody took his place to act his part.
25:24Start acting!
25:25Oh!
25:27Oh, this is something I said!
25:28Oh!
25:29Oh, you're acting!
25:30Oh, that's one!
25:31Oh, help me, sir!
25:33Yes, help her!
25:34Oh!
25:38Help me!
25:39What happened?
25:39Somebody, anybody, something terrible has happened to my dear beloved husband.
25:44We can't revive him!
25:46J.D., will it?
25:47Oh, no!
25:47I'm a candy strapper.
25:49Let me see what I can do.
25:49Oh, bring her right in here, boys.
25:52He's in the parlor!
25:53Roscoe carried him to the sofa!
25:57J.D., there'll be plenty of time to eat after you're dead!
26:05Either his watch is running fast, or he ain't got no pulse at all.
26:09His heart stopped beating.
26:11That doesn't mean it's all over, huh?
26:13You like Miss Lillette?
26:14Oh!
26:15Why did you have to eat raw onions at a time like this?
26:19Oh!
26:20That's a reason I couldn't give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
26:24Oh!
26:25It all happened so sudden!
26:28What?
26:28He was sitting there slurping his soup, and all of a sudden his head fell in the bowl, and
26:33he gumboed himself to death!
26:35Oh, now, now, Miss Lillette, don't think of it like that.
26:39Just figure he's going to that big restaurant in the sky.
26:42Or that big kitchen down below.
26:45Roscoe, you just hush.
26:46Oh, yeah, you just tired.
26:48Oh, Lulu, listen, Lulu, I know it ain't gonna be easy, but you gotta be strong.
26:54That's the way J.D. would have wanted it, Lulu.
26:57Excuse me, man.
26:58Oh, yes.
26:58Well, I'll do as he would have tried.
27:00Yes, I will.
27:01He would have wanted the wake in the boar's nest, and food, and beer, and only a $2 cover charge.
27:09Well, a $10 cover charge would have been more like balls.
27:11Gussie, I've got to make some arrangements.
27:13Would you give me the coffin works?
27:19Gussie Lou, you won't believe it.
27:21The boss has croaked.
27:26You won?
27:27Yeah.
27:28Yes, yeah.
27:29The boss is gone.
27:31Knowing Gussie Peabody could spread gossip faster than boss could count money.
27:36The Dukes knew that the word would reach the killers in plenty of time for the wake.
27:42Well, according to the House of Gazette, it was real sudden.
27:44Old boy was gone in a couple of seconds.
27:46That fat water buffalo's got more lives than a black cat.
27:50I want more proof than a newspaper headline.
27:53All right, well, the wake is tomorrow at a place called the boar's nest.
27:55If you want, we can be there.
27:57Sort of pay our last respects.
28:22Rascal, would you get rid of this horsefly before he drives me completely out of my mind?
28:51I'm sorry, Mr. Lulu.
28:52I just don't know what to say.
28:55You don't need to say anything, anus dear.
28:58Just come in and eat.
28:59If there was anything J.D. liked to see, it was people enjoying their vittles.
29:04Oh, no, thank you, Emma.
29:05I just couldn't.
29:06I'm trying to do hard to swallow this lump in my throat.
29:08Oh, honey.
29:15I'm going to tell him.
29:16Honey, honey, it can't be helped.
29:18Anus is too honest to lie about boss being dead.
29:21And if you knew everything, you'd ruin it.
29:23Goodbye, Mr. Hogg.
29:25I sure am going to miss you, like everybody else here in Hazard.
29:49They're taking the bait.
29:51Let's just hope boss Lee is still long enough to hook him.
29:53The only thing missing is the apple in his mouth.
30:00I think they bought it.
30:02I'm going to do it.
30:07Here we go.
30:08Here we go.
30:09Here we go.
30:12Now let's just hope Roscoe doesn't go in and sell him on the idea.
30:15Hey, boss, listen, I know you can't move because somebody's allowed to be looking.
30:20So I'd just like to...
30:24Roscoe.
30:27Roscoe?
30:29Roscoe.
30:33Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please?
30:36The time has come to say farewell to a man that has touched all of our lives, especially at mortgage
30:41time.
30:42Ain't that the truth.
30:43A man that is loved by all the grocers, butchers, and ice cream and candy makers of Hazard County.
30:50Plum ate his way into my heart, not to mention my refrigerator.
30:57I guess he's got the strongest stomach of anybody in Hazard.
31:04Or had.
31:05A man whose charitable works and good deeds can't be written down on any paper.
31:10A man who has worked tirelessly, night and day, for the whole of Hazard County, even though he only owned
31:1790% of it.
31:19A man whose loss is going to be a great burden.
31:26On at least six of us.
31:28Must be going to bury him with his wallet.
31:30Boys.
31:31Hooters.
31:47All right, bring it on.
31:48Bring it this way.
31:50All right.
31:51A little left here.
31:52A little left.
31:53Okay.
31:54There you go.
31:55Watch at the chair.
31:57Don't scuff him.
31:58And hold up that wheel.
31:59Oh!
32:00Oh!
32:00Oh!
32:02Oh!
32:03Hey, Gidget!
32:04Wait a minute!
32:12Get out of the way!
32:22Oh!
32:24Oh!
32:24Oh!
32:24Oh!
32:25Oh!
32:26Oh!
32:26Oh!
32:26Oh!
32:27Oh!
32:30Oh!
32:33Oh!
32:35Oh!
32:36Oh!
32:37Oh!
32:37Oh!
32:38Oh!
32:38Oh!
32:39I don't know if it's important or not, but that door ain't closed.
32:42Oh!
32:43Oh!
32:44Oh!
32:45Oh!
32:58Oh!
33:15Oh!
33:16Listen, why don't you let me fix you up with a nice glass of buttermilk, huh?
33:20Make you feel better.
33:21Come on.
33:49Oh, no, no.
33:50I'm moving.
33:51I'm moving.
33:55I'm moving.
33:55Uh-oh, you got trouble.
33:56Not as much trouble as Pulse has.
33:58Hang on.
34:09You know, even a fake funeral in Hazard gets complicated.
34:20Why don't you call out and try to throw a rope around that thing?
34:22We ain't got time.
34:24But I reckon I'll just have to cut him off.
34:32Calloway was getting dangerously close to figuring out what was going on.
34:36He's pretty, but he ain't dull.
34:39Excuse me.
34:41Is there anything I can do for you, sir?
34:43I'd like to take a last look at the body of my oldest and dearest friend, Mr. J.D. Hogg.
34:49I'm afraid you're a little too late for that.
34:51They're halfway to Heavenly Hill Cemetery by now.
34:53Well, then I guess I'll just have to catch up with him.
34:56Thank you, ma'am.
35:06You know, there's something kind of familiar about that fella, Daisy.
35:13Boss!
35:14Hey, boss! You in there?
35:24You all right?
35:25You all right, boss?
35:27Say something, boss.
35:28You all right?
35:29You all right?
35:29Yeah, well, I can't tell until I get out of here and see if I'm still in one piece.
35:33You're in one piece, boss.
35:34Yeah, you are.
35:36Oh, my precious, my precious little marshmallow.
35:39Now, don't you, don't you pretend with me.
35:42How do you really feel?
35:44Well, I feel like I've just been on a great big roller coaster ride.
35:47Right up to them pearly geeks.
35:50I told you, Mr. Calloway, you didn't have to come here.
35:53Everything turned out just perfectly.
35:55Let's just say I wanted the satisfaction of seeing that double-crossing water buffalo belly up with my own eyes.
36:00All right, tell you what, you head south on this road, and we'll follow in my car if you need
36:03some help.
36:10I got it, Daisy.
36:11When that fella flipped a peanut into his mouth, that old fat come back to me.
36:15Enos, you're talking in riddles.
36:16That's Fort Calloway.
36:19How can you be sure?
36:20When I first heard he was out getting Mr. Hogg, I dug back in the mug files and come up
36:24with his picture.
36:25He's older and grayer now, but it's him all right.
36:28Hey, wait a minute.
36:29Now that Mr. Hogg's gone, you reckon he's come to get Miss Lulu?
36:32Oh, Enos, I don't know, but I think we'd better talk to Uncle Chessie and the boys fast.
36:36Come on.
36:37Chess.
36:37I'll die.
36:39I think they'd better hurry.
36:40They ain't even been radio arranged till we get on the other side of Iron Mountain.
36:45Oh, it's a shame the way they scuff you.
36:48Yeah, well, you just save your sympathy.
36:49Because you were supposed to make sure that the back door to that hearse was locked tight.
36:54What?
36:54No, no, you stop picking on my baby brother.
36:56He was in a hurry to comfort the grieving widow.
36:58Yeah, well, he should have been taking care of the grieving corpse.
37:01I'm corpsey.
37:02J.D., will you quit fussing until after you're dead and buried?
37:06That cooter's coming back for the corpse.
37:08Now get in there.
37:10No, don't lay down.
37:11Now's as good a time as any to make that switcheroo.
37:13You go hide in the general.
37:14We'll all put some rocks in the coffin so they won't suspect you ain't in there at the cemetery.
37:17Yeah, come on.
37:18Let's get good on that.
37:19Let's go.
37:20Oh, yeah.
37:21Now this seems simple, which in hazard means it's gonna get tricky.
37:26Yeah.
37:33This is Bo Peet calling the Lost Sheep and Shepherd.
37:36Are you out there?
37:36Come on back.
37:37Oh, Edith, I sure hope they ain't out of reach at this CB.
37:40No, we're just a couple miles outside of town, Bo Peet, and we've run into a little delay.
37:44I've got bad news for you, fellas.
37:45That Callaway dude just showed up, and he's heading your way to have a look at the body.
37:50Uh, what'd she say, Callaway?
37:53Callaway's here.
37:54Oh, no, no, no, no.
37:55He's gonna get me.
37:56Just when I thought we were gonna get away with it.
37:59Roscoe, you've gotta do something.
38:01I couldn't stand being a winner twice in the same day.
38:04Listen, don't worry.
38:05A thing's here.
38:07This is Sheriff.
38:08Oh, big Coltrane busting in.
38:10That's CB talk.
38:12Listen, don't you worry about a thing.
38:14As soon as I spot him, I'll cuff him and stuff him.
38:16I'm gone.
38:17Roscoe, that makes about as much sense as...
38:20Horns on a mule.
38:21Now listen, that fella ain't done nothing to be arrested for.
38:24All you be doing is arousing his suspension.
38:27Don't worry about a thing.
38:28The only way we can help J.D. now is just to go ahead with our original plans.
38:34Will do, Shepard.
38:35And thanks for the warning, Daisy.
38:36We're gone.
38:37Oh, you know what?
38:38When Callaway looks into the coffin and sees us filled with rocks instead of me,
38:42I really will be in that hole.
38:44No, we still got a fighting chance, boss.
38:46If we can get rid of those rocks and catch up with the hearse before he does.
38:49Yeah.
38:50Did you get all that crazy?
38:51We're right on your tails.
38:52You just keep moving and we'll do the rest.
39:18Shepard of lost sheep.
39:19Shepard of lost sheep.
39:20Shepard of lost sheep.
39:20There's a big limo breathing down my neck.
39:23And there's gotta be Callaway.
39:25Oh, Callaway!
39:26Callaway!
39:26Callaway!
39:27Roger, Shepard.
39:29We don't dare stop now.
39:30Try to pull up alongside him.
39:32Got it.
39:40Watch yourself, man.
39:45Hey, what's your got it, Cooter?
39:46You got it.
39:50Pance, you all right?
39:52I got it.
39:58Cooter, I gotta get rid of these rocks.
40:12They just went by me.
40:14Can you slow them down?
40:15Let's go.
40:16Are you kidding me?
40:17Nobody gets by a sugar rush.
40:19Oh, big cold train.
40:30Let's go, boss.
40:30Yeah, I will.
40:31I will.
40:31What do you want me to do?
40:32Get up here.
40:33How much time?
40:33Wait a minute.
40:34All right.
40:35I knew it.
40:35I knew it.
40:36You got it.
40:36You can do it, boss.
40:37Come on.
40:38Hold on.
40:40I can't do this.
40:42Get up here.
40:44Get up here.
40:44Get up here.
40:45Get up here.
40:46Get up here.
40:46Get up here.
40:46Get up here.
40:46Get up here.
40:46Get up here.
40:47Get up here.
40:47Get up here.
40:48I can't do it.
40:49It's no use.
40:49I ain't doing it.
40:50I'm too young tonight.
40:52Yeah, well, you tell that to Calloway.
40:53I'll be here in a minute.
40:54All right, let's go.
40:58Move.
40:59Move.
40:59Move it back.
41:05See, sis?
41:06It's all in your wrist.
41:07Ah!
41:07You just got to see it.
41:09And in your hand.
41:11I'll let you see it.
41:13Oh!
41:14Oh!
41:23I think we broke our kumquat there.
41:29Oh!
41:30Roscoe, you were supposed to stop him.
41:32Oh!
41:32Oh!
41:33Oh!
41:33Oh!
41:34Oh!
41:34Oh!
41:34Oh!
41:35Oh!
41:36Oh!
41:36Oh!
41:36Oh!
41:37Oh!
41:38Oh!
41:40Oh!
41:40Oh!
41:41Oh!
41:45Oh!
41:53Oh!
41:58Oh!
41:58Oh!
41:59Oh!
41:59I'm sure he was a dearly departing.
42:02You know he's got a real good point there.
42:03I'll come this way.
42:37Now I believe it.
42:39If that water buffalo don't react to food, he's dead.
42:45Convey my condolences to the waiter.
42:47Yes, sir.
43:06What a performance. He was terrific.
43:08I never thought I'd say this about you, boss, but you're as brave as they come.
43:11Calloway's gone, boss. You can get up.
43:13We ain't moving. Boss.
43:15Hey, boss. Boss, wake up.
43:17Boss?
43:17Boss, he's on.
43:19Boss.
43:20Wake up. Wake up.
43:21What? What?
43:24Where am I?
43:25What happened?
43:26Oh, oh, oh.
43:29Calloway!
43:31Calloway has come and gone, boss.
43:33And you thought he was brave.
43:35He paid it for pride.
43:36And that's how boss came back to the land of the living, up to his ears and goobers.
43:41Stop, Enos.
43:44Goodness gracious.
43:45Lulu, are you all right, honey?
43:47It's five years ago.
43:48Boss, I think you're way more than you're unconscious.
43:55You're all clear, boss.
43:59There we go.
44:01Or old Enos found out the hard way.
44:06Now that he'd had a good look at them, Enos went through the mud files again.
44:10And wouldn't you know it?
44:12He found out that the Mallory's was wanted for all kinds of things.
44:16And the Mallory blew the whistle on Calloway, so he never did get to leave the country like
44:20he planned.
44:21All right.
44:24There you go.
44:27Lulu swapped her widow weeds for a snappy new party dress.
44:31So she could celebrate with boss.
44:33Like two days in refrigerators.
44:35For saving his life, old boss told Jesse that he wouldn't have to bring the next mortgage payment to his
44:40office.
44:41Boss would come and get it himself.
44:43Wasn't that nice?
44:44So you could say that things are almost back to normal in Hazard County.
44:55We are now at Hazard County.
45:31Oh, yeah, yeah, dude.
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