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01:00I was just kind of passing through the area and Jimmy said if I was, I was to come in
01:04and practice my interviewing techniques on you. You okay with that?
01:08Yeah. Great. Love it.
01:10That was unexpected. He's like the most unintentionally funny human being in the world probably, I think.
01:17Okay, we'll get started then.
01:19Um, who should we go first?
01:21David.
01:21David. Up you come.
01:25Have a seat.
01:26Sit down.
01:26Thank you very much.
01:28Okay, David, we'll get straight to it. First question. Do you like crisps?
01:31Uh, they're all right, yes. Ready, salted only.
01:35Yeah. Any particular flavour?
01:36I said ready, salted only.
01:38Okay. Obviously it's a competitive market. So, could you suggest a new flavour of crisps?
01:43Sam Campbell will have no idea who he is.
01:48Who's this guy?
01:49Is this the thing?
01:50Why has he got so much lemon juice in his hair?
01:52This is going to be Richard Madeley.
01:55Okay, I mean, I have to...
01:56He's married to Judy Finnegan.
01:58Yeah, but I'm looking for an email.
01:59If you have to listen to the...
02:00Do you want to hear my idea for a new flavour?
02:05Yes, please.
02:06Tuna fish casserole.
02:08Oh.
02:08Yeah.
02:09Complex flavours.
02:10David, it's been wonderful talking to you. You may return to your seat.
02:12Thank you very much.
02:13Thank you very much indeed.
02:15Sam.
02:16Sam Campbell, would you please step up to the podium.
02:19Go on, Sam.
02:20Hi, Sam.
02:20Go on, Sam.
02:22Ah, Sam, you're Australian, right?
02:23Yeah.
02:24Okay, uh, do you even know who I am?
02:29Let's cut to the chase, Sam.
02:30What was the last thing you asked ChatGPT?
02:33I didn't really use it.
02:34Good for you.
02:35Okay.
02:35It's talking to a soulless robot, isn't it?
02:37I don't feel like that at all.
02:38You're a great guy.
02:44Alan?
02:44Alan?
02:45By the way, you make me wish I had six nostrils.
02:47Your scent is lighting it up, dude.
02:49Sam, you've been great.
02:50You can return from when she came.
02:52Thanks so much.
02:53It's an honour to meet you.
02:53Seriously, yeah.
02:54Great to talk to you, man.
02:56Yeah.
02:56Off you go.
02:57Cheers.
02:58No, I really love this show.
02:59Okay.
02:59I enjoyed being interviewed by Richard Maidley.
03:02He's not someone that I sort of know.
03:03I've definitely seen a poster of him or a picture.
03:07Or maybe even on a bookmark, honestly.
03:09Like, he has...
03:10I have seen a picture of him.
03:13Bemi, would you come up, please, and have a chat?
03:15Go on, Bemi.
03:16Go on, Bemi.
03:19I'm such a fan.
03:20Good to see you.
03:21I'll have to shake with that hand, I'm afraid.
03:22I'm just such a fan.
03:22Yeah.
03:23Bit of a repetitive strain and injury in that one.
03:25Whatever you do in your bedroom is your business.
03:27Yes, well, quite.
03:29You've won two BAFTAs, haven't you?
03:31Two, yes.
03:31Two BAFTAs.
03:32That's amazing.
03:32Congratulations.
03:33Yes.
03:35Do you want to have a guess how many BAFTAs I've won?
03:38Yeah, that's right.
03:40Absolutely zero.
03:42Zero BAFTAs for the Maidly.
03:44The Maidly?
03:45He just called himself the Maidly.
03:47What's he doing?
03:48Having not won one...
03:50Yeah.
03:50..or even held one?
03:51Yeah.
03:52If you had to compare the weight of your BAFTA to something,
03:55what would it be like?
03:56Maybe a small owl?
04:01Um...
04:02Maybe.
04:03Oh, OK.
04:04Yeah.
04:04Your eyes are amazing.
04:06I'm getting lost in them.
04:08Jimmy, he's not not fit.
04:12Romesh, would you please step up?
04:16Nice to see you.
04:17Hi, nice to see you.
04:18We last met on Red Nose there, I think.
04:19We did, yeah, it was good.
04:20You've got three children, haven't you?
04:22Yeah.
04:23Any tips for conceiving?
04:25Um, let your wife spend a lot of time with her personal trainer.
04:32Reason I ask is that when Judy and I were trying to conceive a few years ago,
04:36I used to douse my balls in icy water beforehand.
04:40Right.
04:41Yeah.
04:41Oh, it's agonising, but...
04:43So, hold on, are you dropping that into a cup, or how are you doing that?
04:46Oh, you're in a bucket.
04:47Put several, you know, tray loads of ice in.
04:50In.
04:51Count to 50.
04:52Yep.
04:53Out.
04:54Go.
04:55So, what, are you squatting over into a bucket of icy water?
04:58You're squatting...
04:58Well, you're dropping.
05:01Does that not give Judy the ick a little bit?
05:03Uh, well, I did that in the bathroom, and then I...
05:05And then you come out.
05:06...came out, nicely chilled, with fast-swing sperm.
05:10So, I just thought I'd pass it on if you wanted more.
05:11Oh, thanks.
05:12I don't want any more children, actually.
05:13But thankfully, I can just let the marriage take its natural course.
05:16All right, Romish, well, thank you very much for your time.
05:18Thanks, Richard.
05:18And good luck with your marital sex life.
05:19It's been very good talk.
05:20Thank you very much.
05:21Thank you for your time.
05:22I mean, Richard made the, you know, broadcasting legend.
05:25The thing that I didn't want was the image of him squatting
05:27to lower his testicles into a bucket of ice water,
05:30and his testicles are just dangling separately to the rest of his body,
05:33and then he just dips it, submerges,
05:35and then lifts, and then submerges.
05:37I'm thinking of it now.
05:39Alan Carr.
05:40Oh.
05:41Fellow master interviewer.
05:43Hello.
05:44Do you come up?
05:45Oh, wonderful.
05:45Great to see you again.
05:47Um, Alan, I want to play a game of word association.
05:50Fantastic.
05:50With you.
05:51Go.
05:52Chips.
05:52Onion.
05:54Beetroot.
05:55Hair.
05:57Weave.
05:58Banana.
05:59Loom.
06:00Onion.
06:01Taj Mahal.
06:02India.
06:05Milton Keynes.
06:07Banana again.
06:09Roller skate.
06:10Pork sausage.
06:13Knife.
06:14Innuendo.
06:16Cheeky.
06:16Thrust.
06:19Open.
06:20Went.
06:21Right.
06:22Yes.
06:22Up.
06:23Over.
06:24My.
06:24Your.
06:25Arse.
06:25Yes.
06:30I think they'll get a kiss.
06:31David.
06:33Thank you very much.
06:35APPLAUSE
06:37That is tough.
06:39That is really tough.
06:40Guys, it's been great seeing you all.
06:42I've only paid for 15 minutes barking,
06:44so I've got to go before I get a ticket.
06:46Thank you very much indeed.
06:47Take care.
06:47Richard Maidley.
06:49Bye.
06:49Legend.
06:50Maidley.
06:53The smell.
06:55He was doing some dangerous stuff.
06:57The smell on Maidley.
06:58I want to see if he's lingered.
07:03Guys, I've got his chair with the smell in.
07:07Wow, Mel.
07:08If anyone wants to smell.
07:10Let's see if I can...
07:11Not there.
07:15We're in the third hour, still no red cards.
07:18Unprecedented.
07:19He did smell incredible.
07:20Yeah.
07:21Oh, I think...
07:22I think all over.
07:23Do you think?
07:24Really?
07:25You think in the morning he goes...
07:28Yeah.
07:29Oh, you think he's doing the...
07:30One, two, three, four, nipple, nipple.
07:32Is that what we do?
07:34Front door.
07:34Front door.
07:35One, two, three, four, nipple, nipple, front door.
07:38Front door.
07:38Yeah.
07:39He's front-dooring, definitely.
07:40I just go, uh-uh.
07:43That's it, really.
07:44You've got squirty green.
07:48Ha!
07:49Ha!
07:53If you could summon up, Sam,
07:55you had the power to summon up 50 ducks, yeah?
07:5850?
07:59Ducks.
08:00Oh, okay, yes.
08:01When would you...
08:02But you can only...
08:02When would you use it?
08:04You can only use it once.
08:06Oh, I really like that.
08:09Okay, so when would I summon up 50 ducks?
08:1150 ducks, yeah.
08:12To propose to someone as part of that.
08:15Nice.
08:15Yeah.
08:16So it's a will you marry me, sort of.
08:18Well, is that unfair?
08:20To be like,
08:21is she marrying me for me or me for me ducks?
08:24Me for my 50 ducks?
08:26And when she says no.
08:27Yeah.
08:27You've used your duck, moment.
08:30Oh, God, I wasted my duck summon.
08:33What about you, Amy?
08:35Uh, Christmas shopping.
08:37Where it's all busy.
08:38I've got 50 ducks.
08:40Bam!
08:40Oh.
08:41The aisle's clear.
08:42I mean, it's full of ducks.
08:44So maybe that doesn't work.
08:46When would you use the ducks, Bob?
08:51Maybe at the dentist?
08:55Just before the needle?
08:5850 ducks.
08:59Don't you need this guy to concentrate?
09:03You're right.
09:04Yeah.
09:05But it would be a moment.
09:06That's like, almost like you said,
09:07when's the worst time you should do it?
09:09You're right.
09:10How do you do it?
09:11How do you summon them, by the way?
09:13Oh, yeah.
09:15Ducks.
09:17Oh, ducks.
09:20I don't know.
09:21Something like that.
09:25Wide to the side.
09:27Ducks.
09:28It's just that's how you do it.
09:30The duck summoner.
09:31Amy Gledhill is the duck summoner.
09:34Coming this far.
09:35Sam Campbell as 50 ducks.
09:37As 50 ducks.
09:38I play the 50 ducks.
09:39Yeah.
09:40I'd love to see that.
09:42Yeah, I'll come in as all the ducks.
09:44Mm-hmm.
09:48I think the quack, Sam.
09:58Sam Campbell looks like he has spiritually locked his face.
10:02I think Sam Campbell has actually got the screensaver on his face.
10:06Hey, do you find it amusing?
10:08I was about to sing Hey Jude.
10:09When that company, a proprietary brand of famous chicken outlets...
10:14The one with the kernel.
10:15Exactly.
10:16They used to have all of their chicken in the UK delivered by one delivery firm.
10:21And then some idiot in the management of the company decided to put it out to tender.
10:27And some other firm said, no, we can undercut them for the delivery of the chicken.
10:32And they said, great, we'll go for that.
10:34And within two days of them changing firms,
10:37half their branches in the country had had to close due to lack of chicken.
10:42And it just makes me laugh so much at the thought about this other firm that have agreed this contract,
10:48they're taking this money,
10:49and then they just can't believe how many chickens they have to get to different places.
10:54That's what you get from trying to cut costs.
10:56And the first firm, they knew what they were doing.
10:59It's difficult.
10:59Imagine it, getting to thousands of chickens.
11:02Another thousand chickens, another 700 chickens in Nottingham.
11:07This is classic Mitchell.
11:09600 chickens in Loughborough.
11:11I've only got 50 docks over here.
11:13Fucking hell.
11:14300 chickens in Kent.
11:15Quick, now, more chickens.
11:17They're eating the chicken.
11:17Chicken.
11:18Get the chicken there now.
11:19Chicken, chicken, chicken.
11:20And this firm's thinking,
11:21what, another fucking chicken?
11:24He's going to have a heart attack one day, you know, surely.
11:28Not another chicken.
11:30Another 700 chickens immediately.
11:35Doesn't bear thinking about, does it?
11:40I'm sorry to have put it in your mind.
11:50Do you consider yourself an adrenaline junkie?
11:53Definitely.
11:54Theme parks, roller coasters, fast cars?
11:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:57Monster trucks?
11:58Not really monster trucks.
12:01You've seen them, though?
12:02Yeah.
12:02I like a float, you know,
12:03when you just stand on the back of a lorry.
12:05Oh, yeah.
12:11The fruit machine is once again available for inspiration.
12:15Please pull the lever.
12:22Worst pet peeve.
12:25Pet peeve?
12:26Is these, like, bad habits?
12:27Yeah, or things that just annoy you generally.
12:29My doctor's surgery has put a really annoying song
12:34on their caller waiting.
12:37What is it?
12:38I can't remember, but it's annoying.
12:40That's not normally how anecdotes work.
12:41Yeah.
12:45That's not normally how anecdotes work.
12:48Can you not do, like, an approximate sort of...
12:51Yeah, yeah.
12:51It's a bit like this.
12:53Yeah.
12:53I don't want to, you know...
12:55Well, my pet peeve is when people set up an anecdote
12:57and don't finish it.
13:01I don't like those people in the street
13:03asking you for money.
13:05I know you're not meant to say that,
13:06but, you know, when they lie,
13:07hello, cheeky chops, want to talk about leprosy?
13:10Al, do you live in 1932?
13:13Yes.
13:14Who are these people?
13:15Sorry.
13:15The people who want you to sign up for a charity.
13:17Chuggers.
13:18Oh, right, right.
13:19They're called chuggers, charity muggers,
13:21but I call them chunts.
13:26LAUGHTER
13:35Do you like pickleball?
13:36Are you sporty?
13:39You clearly don't know who I am.
13:41You asked me before if I'm into monster trucks.
13:45I'm just trying to find out what you're into, Alan.
13:48That's a laugh.
13:49Yeah, you're right.
13:55Oh, she's about to insult you, too.
13:59We're getting strict at this stage
14:00because they're all doing incredibly well,
14:02but that was definitely a laugh.
14:04Doors.
14:05If so, good on you.
14:06Hi, everyone.
14:07Ah.
14:08We've, uh, we've had a laugh.
14:10Do you want to see?
14:10It's me, it's me, it's me.
14:13Are you sporty?
14:14You clearly don't know who I am.
14:16You asked me before if I'm into monster trucks.
14:21I'm just trying to find out what you're into, Alan.
14:23That's very funny.
14:29Oh, Ames.
14:30Oh, no.
14:32Alan, he's so cheeky.
14:35It's the twinkle in the eyes that gets you.
14:37We're getting strict now.
14:38You're all playing brilliantly,
14:39but we're getting quite strict.
14:40That yellow totally deserved,
14:42and I'm surprised I lasted that long.
14:43I'm going to go and restart the game.
14:44OK.
14:45Doors.
14:47So, Alan tries to tip Sam over the edge,
14:50but Amy gets caught in the crossfire.
14:52It's a yellow for Gledhill.
14:54We've got five yellow cards.
14:56This is good.
14:58Let's restart the game.
15:00Oh, hello.
15:00Here we go.
15:01Right.
15:06Where do you stand on quad bikes?
15:14Do you remember MTV Cribs?
15:16Do you remember MTV Cribs?
15:16Do you remember MTV Cribs?
15:16Do you know that?
15:17Yeah, well, I did MTV Cribs with Derek Okora.
15:21And we were in Cribs, as in like a place under a church where they keep their dead bodies.
15:25That's a pun on MTV Cribs.
15:28Yeah.
15:28The thing is, he was struggling with the autocue, which was,
15:44Hi, I'm Derek Okora.
15:46Welcome to MTV Cribs.
16:01Do you find any of it genuine from Derek?
16:03No.
16:03Nothing at all.
16:04He's a charlatan, isn't he?
16:06Well, you saw him when the spirit guy spoke to Tupin Carmoon and he had a Scouse accent.
16:10Hello, I'm Tupin Carmoon.
16:12I died all those years ago.
16:14Hello.
16:14You do the math.
16:15Does that sound like Tupin Carmoon to you?
16:18Does it?
16:20Great.
16:20I like Derek.
16:21I'm here with Nefertiti.
16:24I smell a rat, Bob.
16:28Poor Alan.
16:28I think lots of people are avoiding him because they knew they'd laugh if they spoke to him.
16:45Bob's got the laptop.
16:46That means he's got some songs for some people.
16:49Oh, yes, please.
16:50I thought it was a sandwich.
16:51Oh, no.
16:52Oh, he's got his laptop.
16:54Oh, no.
16:56Bob, don't do it.
16:58Anyone want a song?
17:00No.
17:00No.
17:02I'll have a song, Diane.
17:03Will you have a song, Diane?
17:04Yeah, I'd love a song.
17:06No.
17:10Oh, I already wish I hadn't said yes.
17:13I mean, I did ask for the songs.
17:16I don't know why I did that.
17:17I just felt like, because I'm a big fan, I just wanted the songs.
17:21Diane's on a yellow.
17:23Here we go.
17:25Would you like a song about dental nurses?
17:27I used to be a dental nurse.
17:30I wasn't trained, I just learnt on the job.
17:33You could back then.
17:34They only got me because I fit the uniform.
17:44Dental nurses will never be the boss.
17:47They sterilise the needles and teach you how to floss.
17:52Dental nurses, hand over the tools, top up the mouthwash and mix the fucking glues.
17:59Lunch and meat is lovely, but it's full of fucking fat.
18:03Kale is much more healthy, but it tastes to underpants.
18:07Tin dot dog's a good value, but the nutrients are low.
18:10On Sunday I will kill again, this time in Middlesbrough.
18:15Yes.
18:20That was great, that was lovely.
18:22Do you want another one?
18:23Yeah, go on, do another.
18:27Oh God, this is, this is going to be worse, isn't it?
18:31You can tell.
18:35You ready?
18:38You're a nut job, you're in bin bags.
18:41You've got a cobbler's head in a hole beneath your shed.
18:46I don't know how many times, Dan, I've caught you hiding onion rings
18:50under me horses, painting zips on me pigs.
18:55And I've seen you outside Costco when I wouldn't let you in,
18:59because how much you stank.
19:01You're a chin strap, you're a mouse hat.
19:04You once went to Leeds and drank a pint of beers.
19:08You're a bog roll, you're a wingnut.
19:12You once threw a snake at Paloma Faith's face.
19:16You're a pork chop, you're a job lot.
19:19You once slaughtered an eel on Alan Shearer's fields.
19:26Thank you for receiving those songs.
19:29Well done, Bob.
19:32Oh God, he's so good.
19:36That was hard.
19:37Yeah, that was hard.
19:38The first, the first song I thought, I can cope with this.
19:41And then the second one, I had to move away from him.
19:47What did you say about Paloma Faith's face?
19:49Something about her face.
19:50You once threw a snake at Paloma.
19:52Faith's face.
19:53Faith's face.
19:54Is it based on a true story?
19:56No, it's not.
19:57Oh.
19:58It was a pigeon.
20:01Mmm.
20:01OK.
20:03I'm going to get another Joker.
20:04Ooh!
20:05I'm thinking Alan.
20:07Yes, please.
20:09I know.
20:10Oh, shall I get it?
20:12Shall I?
20:12Go on.
20:13Yeah, you go on.
20:16Hello, last one laughing.
20:17Oh, hi.
20:18Can I get Alan Carr to do his Joker, please?
20:20Sure thing.
20:22Bye-bye.
20:22Love you.
20:23Bye.
20:25Al, could you please do your Joker?
20:27Oh, no.
20:29OK.
20:30Go, Al.
20:32Ooh!
20:33So, we've got five comics on a yellow card,
20:35and Alan's Joker.
20:37Oh, hang on.
20:39Here he goes.
20:40Hello.
20:41Here we go.
20:42I'm looking forward to this.
20:43This is going to be good, isn't it?
20:45All right, let's see what he's brought.
20:46Come on, Alan.
20:48Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's game show time,
20:53so please welcome Mr. Game Show himself, Alan Carr.
21:00Oh, shit.
21:03Hello, and welcome to my brand new game show, Concentration, or Constipation.
21:11Cue the music.
21:17Concentration, not constipation, it's up to you.
21:20To find the clue, is Alan's poo long overdue?
21:25Or is it concentration?
21:28Or is it concentration?
21:34And the rules of constipation or concentration could not be simpler.
21:38I'll be presenting to you a series of scenarios.
21:41You've got to see, am I constipated or am I concentrating?
21:47OK?
21:47Yeah.
21:48Hello.
21:48Please welcome my glamorous assistant, Pat.
21:51Pat Noodle.
21:52Please come out.
21:53She'll be passing out your paddles now.
21:56Oh, wow.
21:58Look at lovely Pat.
21:59It's a play on Pot Noodle, but obviously you won't want to pour boiling water over Pat.
22:03She's already tasty as it is.
22:06Wow.
22:07Thanks, Pat Noodle.
22:08You might have seen her from the 1990s reboot of The Price is Right.
22:13Yeah.
22:14Jimmy Tarbuck's How Fucking Much.
22:18Well, I suppose you want to know what you're playing for.
22:22Yes, Alan.
22:22Yes, Alan.
22:24What's that?
22:25Sausage.
22:27The winner, and this is an Alan Carr promise, I will make whatever sausage you want.
22:34Chipolata.
22:35Cumberland.
22:35The ring ones.
22:36I can do that.
22:37But you've got to win, though.
22:38OK?
22:39So remember, concentration or constipation.
22:43What am I doing?
22:44This is the first scenario, OK?
22:49Concentration or constipation.
22:53OK.
22:56Ah!
23:01Ah!
23:03Ah!
23:06Concentration or constipation?
23:09Constipation, constipation.
23:11Bob, concentration.
23:13It's actually concentration.
23:16Wow.
23:16Well done, Bob.
23:19I was opening up a pack of laundry tablets, and we've all been there, haven't we?
23:25Oh, yeah.
23:25Right, next scenario, am I constipated, or am I concentrating?
23:33He's forgotten how to pronounce constipated.
23:54So, am I concentrating or constipating?
23:58What am I doing?
24:00Okay, constipation, concentration, David, concentration, Bob again.
24:04Well, let me reveal the scenario.
24:07It was constipation.
24:08Oh, constipation.
24:10Wow.
24:11Yes.
24:11What was that?
24:12I have gone to Alan Titchmarsh's summer party where he serves
24:16hard-boiled eggs, done six ways, and we all got bunged up, and I had to manually
24:23evacuate Claire Balding with one of his trowels.
24:29It's a good game, isn't it?
24:31We're trying to get some of the Only Connect audience, you know, they would love this.
24:35Yeah.
24:37Okay.
24:38Concentration or constipation?
24:48I think he's coming.
24:57What do you reckon?
24:59A few concentrations.
25:03Concentration, concentration, constipation.
25:05Right.
25:06Well, you're all sort of right, because it's a trick question.
25:09I was constipated and concentrating.
25:13I was on the toilet doing a word search, but I'd eaten some unripe bananas wrapped in
25:19processed meat and washed it down with an Imodium smoothie.
25:23Ah.
25:26And can I just tell you, this word search was hard.
25:29I nearly prolapsed trying to find Thomas Schaffernacher.
25:35So, who is the winner, you ask?
25:38I think, actually, it's Ramesh.
25:41Ramesh, well done.
25:41Come over here.
25:43Come on then, Pat, my love.
25:45You're going to help me.
25:45What kind of sausage?
25:48What kind of sausage would you like?
25:49You are a vegan, so you don't touch the meat.
25:52What kind of sausage would you like?
25:53Wow.
25:54Oh!
25:58A noodle.
26:02Wow.
26:06It's a lot of sausage.
26:08Alan's going to make himself go.
26:12That was really nice.
26:14It's like a robot that can shit.
26:16Yeah.
26:19Would you like this sausage?
26:24Ramesh, take the sausage.
26:25Take the sausage, please.
26:26Oh.
26:27There you go.
26:28That's you.
26:29That's safe.
26:29You're leaving with that sausage.
26:31Can I just say thank you, everyone, for watching Concentration or Constipation?
26:36Thank you so much.
26:39Pat Noodle.
26:40Please, Pat, give us...
26:43Just stay there, Pat.
26:44Just stay there, Pat.
26:46Just stay there, Pat.
26:47Just stay there, Pat.
26:48You okay, boss?
26:52You good?
26:53Yeah.
26:54I think so.
26:57I think you are.
26:58Yeah.
26:58.
27:12The thing is, I have hosted shows like that for real, so it was a bit weird for me, because
27:17I have actually done...
27:18That was strong.
27:19Also, can I just say...
27:21Oh, hello.
27:24What?
27:24Was it me with the machine when it came out?
27:28Get him, Jimmy.
27:29This makes a lovely cheese board for us all to keep.
27:31Yeah, thanks for the gift, Sam.
27:33And it's good, cos it reminds you, doesn't it,
27:35what to have too much cheese.
27:37Doors. Oh, here he is.
27:40Hello.
27:41Such a purposeful walk, isn't it?
27:43OK, erm... Stand by your beds.
27:46Amazon have asked me to say that that is their format now.
27:49Great. OK, yeah. Can Pat Noodle come too?
27:52Oh, yeah, Pat Noodle's...
27:53Actually, they wanted to do it without you and just her.
27:56She was extraordinary.
27:58What was the show she did with Jimmy Tarbuck?
28:00Jimmy Tarbuck's How Fucking Much.
28:06OK, erm, we've had an incident.
28:08We've had some laughter in the room.
28:10Oh.
28:11And, er, well, I'll show you.
28:13Can I just tell you, this word search was hard.
28:16I nearly prolapsed trying to find Thomas Schaffernacher.
28:24Oh, yeah.
28:25Oh, yeah!
28:26Oh, wow!
28:28The set is so nice.
28:29You're powerful, but nothing's tougher than that.
28:32I mean...
28:32That was hard.
28:33You did very, very well.
28:34As soon as it opened and I just saw the set,
28:37I thought, I'm in trouble here.
28:39Alan could have come on in the jacket and just gone,
28:41Schaffernacher.
28:42And I probably would have laughed.
28:44Shit.
28:45While I've got you...
28:48There's another one.
28:50Oh!
28:51Wow!
28:54Say it, answer.
28:59Okey-dokey.
29:05If he had two straight eyes, he'd be driving a taxi.
29:13What is this house?
29:15I used to fancy the Jack of Clubs in the pack of cards.
29:18So I've got to give you a red card.
29:20Really?
29:20OK, that's one for you.
29:21Hello.
29:22One for you.
29:23You'll come with me.
29:26We've all bitten down on his shoe when trying to curl one out.
30:28We'll see you next time.
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