08:50Why the hell is Tony so damn good at taking naps?
08:52He has to start.
08:54He wants to.
08:55He really does.
08:56But instead, he procrastinated like a boss.
09:17And sure enough, procrastinating actually helped, as always.
09:23Who so?
09:24A VHS tape he'd asked for as a birthday gift.
09:27Twelve steps to becoming a rap guide.
09:29Could he find what he'd desperately been looking for?
09:31For what felt like a solid ten minutes on this lousy retro rap guide?
09:38So, yeah, the cow actually ate my shoe.
09:41And then I hopped all the way to the top of the mountain on one leg.
09:44And when we came back down three days later, my shoe was just lying there on the grass.
09:48Charlie was jealous for the first time.
09:51This stupid cow shot that shoe out just like that.
09:54And look, it's completely fine.
09:56Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything better than...
09:59That's crazy, right?
10:00Yeah, so crazy.
10:02I have a pet duck now.
10:02Check it out.
10:05Oh, it seems so happy.
10:07Mm-hmm.
10:07I've always wanted a pet, too.
10:09However, I'm allergic to nearly all kinds of critters.
10:13Did he just say he's allergic to all kinds of critters?
10:16Yeah, especially dogs, actually.
10:17I'm allergic to dogs.
10:19You're so sensitive, Kopey.
10:25I gotta call up my mom.
10:27She owns a jail.
10:29Cool.
10:30See you, Kopey.
10:31See you around, Sasha.
10:37Charlie was certain he had to get rid of his Swiss rival.
10:41Oh, uh, hey, Charlie.
10:43Um, tell me, what do cool guys like you do in Shitten for Fun?
10:47Um, and is there a local Albenhorn venue?
10:49And this was his chance.
10:52Well, Sasha and I hang out at the abandoned hangar a lot.
10:55Um, you should come by some time.
10:58Hang out?
10:59No, hangar.
11:02Okay.
11:03Well, that's really nice, thanks.
11:05I'm sure we're gonna be best friends.
11:07Sure, Kopey.
11:08Okay.
11:09See you in a bit, then.
11:12Here's what Charlie didn't tell Kopey.
11:14No one who wasn't suicidal ever hung out there.
11:18After the big animal shelter breakout in 2001,
11:21a bunch of wild dogs created their own little society
11:24on the abandoned hangar lot.
11:26Kind of like Planet of the Apes.
11:27Only with dogs.
11:33Charlie?
11:36What kind of evil laugh is that?
11:38This is a true evil laugh.
11:54Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
11:58Mr. Pauly?
11:59See ya.
12:05That was good.
12:09I hate the hospital.
12:11I forgot.
12:23Twelve steps to becoming a rap god.
12:27What up, kids?
12:28It's your boy, Huso, your favorite hip-hop hand puppet.
12:30Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah!
12:33Huso, the hip-hop hand puppet, was a big deal in 90s German rap.
12:38But after a meteoric rise, millions of record sales and tons of ad deals
12:43came the inevitable downfall.
12:45Drugs, scandals...
12:46Hey, you're not killing me, asshole!
12:47...and as a final Hail Mary, rap tutorial videos.
12:51Tony couldn't remember exactly what Huso's tips were,
12:54but he did remember thinking they were pure genius back then.
12:58Are you all ready?
13:02Yeah.
13:03Woo-hoo!
13:04Just follow my 12 steps
13:06and become a real-deal rapper!
13:12Step one of my 12-step program.
13:16Tidy up your room!
13:18Yeah-ha!
13:24Step two.
13:26Rapping with a friend is a lot more fun,
13:29so go fetch yourself a bunch and get started.
13:33Hold it still.
13:39Gangsta.
13:40You're a baby duck.
13:42Tupac's gangsta, all right.
13:44All right, now for step three.
13:48Uh-oh.
13:52Awesome move!
13:53Huso?
13:55Okay, now go and find your mother's purse.
13:58Snatch 100 German marks
13:59and send that to Huso Hoffman, 23 A-Flow Avenue.
14:04Go, go, go, go, go!
14:05Not this time, Huso.
14:07Not doing it.
14:08Ha, ha, ha, ha!
14:10If you want to write an iconic and catchy rap song,
14:17and I mean a real hit,
14:19there's just one thing you need,
14:21and that thing is the...
14:27Huso?
14:28No!
14:28Info time for all the Gen Z-ers out there.
14:31Ten million years ago, back in the VHS days,
14:34if you didn't do this,
14:35you'd probably end up recording over what was on the tape,
14:38which is exactly what Tony did with...
14:41Armageddon.
14:45Armageddon.
14:46An asteroid is heading for Earth,
14:48and the Americans fly off to save us all.
14:52Ah, the good old days.
15:01It was the first movie Tony had ever seen in a theater,
15:04and he went on to watch it a record-breaking 819 more times.
15:17Bruce!
15:18Oh, God!
15:21While Tony procrastinated with the Hollywood blockbuster,
15:24Charlie was on his way to meet Sasha.
15:26With Kobe out of the way, he wanted to try again.
15:29So he went to the police station.
15:33Which, due to budget cuts,
15:35was downsized so much that in the end,
15:37only Nancy was left.
15:38And to top it off,
15:40she had to share it with a nail salon.
15:45That's the last time.
15:46Hear me, Vladimir?
15:48Da.
15:48Thank you, Officer Fleischer.
15:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
15:59Hello, Aunt Nancy.
16:00Hello, Charlie.
16:02Is Sasha here?
16:04Oh, you've met?
16:06That's cool.
16:07And now you know your cousins, right?
16:09Isn't that great?
16:10Sure.
16:12She's over there.
16:14Hey!
16:14Cell 5!
16:15You've got a visitor!
16:16Don't try anything!
16:18I've always wanted to say that.
16:19It's an awesome line.
16:21Mm-hmm.
16:22Sadly, there are hardly any real prisoners or crimes.
16:26Yeah.
16:37But the police station slash nail salon
16:40wasn't the only one cutting costs.
16:43The Veronica Ferris way of life
16:45eats money for breakfast.
16:47But now the solution to all her financial problems
16:50was suddenly within reach,
16:51and Ferris had no time to waste.
17:12Hello?
17:13This is Veronica Ferris, your mayor.
17:16I'm sorry for your loss, Johnny Carrera.
17:18Thank you.
17:19I appreciate that.
17:20How are you doing?
17:21Well, I miss Vera.
17:24All the books we started,
17:25but never finished reading.
17:27My only consolation is that
17:29my son and my grandson are visiting right now.
17:33Johnny Carrera,
17:36I understand you're the sole heir
17:38to Vera's beautiful property.
17:39Is that true?
17:40Including the vegetable garden?
17:42Yes.
17:42I'd like to buy it from you.
17:44For my sweet son.
17:46For me?
17:57A really huge check.
17:59But that check is far too huge.
18:02That does sound like a really huge check.
18:04Yeah.
18:04Anything for my son.
18:06Hmm.
18:08All right.
18:09I guess I should...
18:10Don't you dare, Johnny Carrera.
18:12Down here.
18:16You can't go through with it,
18:18Johnny Carrera.
18:19Don't sell.
18:19She's up to no good.
18:21Hello?
18:23Don't act suspicious.
18:26Hello?
18:28Johnny, are you okay?
18:29I can't go through with this.
18:32Miss Mayor.
18:33If it's about the amount...
18:35Well, I have even huger checks.
18:37Even huger?
18:38Sorry, I can't sell.
18:39Hello?
18:40Hello?
18:42You did well, Johnny Carrera.
18:44I'll be back soon.
18:47Oh.
18:53She'll be back.
19:01Don't be angry, Mama.
19:03I'm good.
19:04I don't need that place at all.
19:05It is not for you, you idiot.
19:08It's not?
19:09So what do we do now?
19:12We'll just keep stealing it from them in secret.
19:34Hey.
19:38What are you doing here?
19:40Did you know that Albert Einstein was married to his cousin?
19:44Yeah.
19:45Oh.
19:47And did you know that Charles Darwin married his cousin and had ten kids with her?
19:51Yeah, sure.
19:53But Charles Darwin's first child, Annie, happened to die when she was ten.
19:56Mary III died right after birth.
19:58The tenth Charles Jr. died at two, and all the others had their own issues.
20:03I love you.
20:04You're so smart.
20:05Charlie, it's over.
20:07Just deal with it.
20:09Okay?
20:12Okay.
20:30Falcon to mole.
20:31Falcon to mole.
20:32Falcon to mole.
20:33Over.
20:34Hunter Herald.
20:36A case for Nancy.
20:44Mole here.
20:45Over.
20:46Uh, 3B17 spotted in Quadrant 87.
20:48Proposing Operation Moonlight and requesting authorization.
20:51Over.
20:51Harold, I don't know what your codes mean.
20:53Over.
20:54I found an injured rabbit by the old hangar lot.
20:56By the hangar lot?
20:57Spotted a massive wild dog.
20:59Foam around the mouth.
21:00Probably rabies.
21:01Over.
21:01Rabies?
21:03Requesting napalm deployment.
21:06Harold, it's a restricted area out there.
21:08You're in for a big ticket.
21:09We have to bomb them, or we're done.
21:11They're going to kill us.
21:17Charlie just wanted to give Kobe a little scare.
21:20But rabies?
21:24I know what you did, kid.
21:28I tell your mom I need an appointment for a haircut.
21:35Charlie had to save Kobe.
21:37But he couldn't do it alone.
21:49Best film ever.
21:57Fine, I'll get back to writing.
22:00That's enough procrastinating.
22:07All right.
22:08Now it's time to write a hit.
22:13Papa, I need your help.
22:14Right now?
22:15Right now, yes.
22:16And it's a matter of life or death.
22:29Dog hair allergy?
22:31Yeah.
22:32Kobe.
22:33What kind of freak name's their kid, Kobe?
22:37Okay, so now Kobe might die because you want to keep making out with your cousin.
22:41Come on, don't put it like that, Papa.
22:42It's not that horrible.
22:43It is.
22:44I screwed up bad.
22:45We'll save him.
22:46Don't worry.
22:53I'm Connie.
22:55What's that?
22:56I'm Connie, the cousin kisser.
22:59Really?
22:59Yeah, that's my middle name, Anton Cornelius Fleischer.
23:02What kind of freak name's their kid, Cornelius?
23:05Hey.
23:07And your cousin?
23:14She's your mother.
23:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:23Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
23:26Oh, your face.
23:28Ha, ha, ha.
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