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00:00We started with ten comedians, and one objective, do not laugh.
00:07Christ.
00:09It's tough! Fuck you!
00:11But one by one...
00:12Oh, no!
00:15Naughty-taughty.
00:16Like Bob's chair, they've cracked.
00:20Mate, you've just sunk your own shit.
00:22Everyone's going a little bit silly, I think.
00:25Now, only five players remain.
00:27How does that feel, you bastard?
00:31Who will be the last one laughing?
00:33I'm fucking not here.
00:36I'm calling it.
01:14Everyone here has a yellow card, so if you laugh, you're out.
01:18I'm going to go in there, I'm going to restart the game. Good luck.
01:20It's a fantastic series arc and it's great stakes, Jimmy.
01:23You've got 45 minutes left, everyone.
01:25Wow!
01:2645 minutes.
01:27Absolutely fantastic.
01:28Door!
01:29Stay in there.
01:33Richard finally gets a yellow card and, more importantly, shows a shred of humanity.
01:39OK, restart the game now.
01:43BUZZER
01:4445 minutes left, we've done so well.
01:48Wow!
01:49Phew!
01:51I can't get this through.
01:55I've got to say, I did try to go for a centre passing when I was 15.
01:58I lost a year.
01:59What do you mean?
02:00I just tried to get...
02:02Straight down?
02:03It's just...
02:04It's very hard being a goth in it, which are the best of times.
02:09He just says funny things all the time.
02:12They've all just got a bit of vim now, haven't they?
02:14Yeah, that's it, they're all back in the game.
02:15Level playing field, last hour.
02:17I think they all thought Richard was unbeatable and now he's got a yellow.
02:20They're like, OK, we're all even Stevens.
02:23Any thoughts on J-Lo?
02:24Yes.
02:25I'd like to hear them.
02:26My favourite film of hers is Made in Manhattan by Country Mile.
02:30My favourite bit in every Jennifer Lopez film...
02:34Yeah.
02:34..is when she is in the sort of lowly blue-collar position
02:39and someone gives her a pep talk saying that she could run the company.
02:42Oh, yeah.
02:43And then she pitches and she puts forward,
02:46I've been working here for ten years,
02:49and they reject her cos you don't have the qualifications.
02:52Should we rescue them from him?
02:55It feels like it was at a party and they were like our friends,
02:58we'd go, let's get them away from that guy.
03:01You are describing my life right now.
03:03Lou, she looks like she's been the victim of a crime
03:04and someone's put a police jacket over her.
03:06Oh, my God!
03:07Really?
03:08She really does!
03:09Oh, I've had a tough year, now it's been awful.
03:12Do you want a cup of tea?
03:15Richard, I have fought, that is I have had a fight with,
03:19with a butterfly that I won.
03:21I then moved on to a snake and I fought a python.
03:26Yes.
03:26Yeah, and I won.
03:28And then I fought an alligator.
03:31Oh, okay.
03:32The most frightening one was the alligator.
03:34It was furious and its tail hit a tree and it went boom!
03:39The strength of these things, but I had to jump on it, call it a wanker.
03:43Yeah.
03:44And then celebrate having defeated it.
03:49Okay, all right.
03:50I'm going to go in there.
03:51I've got a game.
03:53I'm going to bring someone back.
03:55Where was this?
03:56Like a sort of dogging area near Ashford in Kent.
03:59Right.
03:59I'm from near there.
04:01Yes?
04:01I know that dogging area.
04:04Woof, woof.
04:06Door.
04:07Oh, that works.
04:08Ooh, doors.
04:09I thought we might play a little game.
04:11Oh, yes, please.
04:12Everyone on the stage, I'll tell you where to sit.
04:15Oh, my God.
04:17I fancy you so much.
04:19Is it because he gets crossed?
04:20Yeah.
04:22That's your time.
04:23Why is everyone fine with that?
04:25Shall I tell you why?
04:26Because we've all got childhood fucking issues.
04:30I'm going to play you a line from a famous song.
04:33Yeah.
04:34And all you've got to do is re-sing that line.
04:36I've got a button on my watch here.
04:39It's a red button.
04:40So if anyone laughs, I can press it.
04:43And then they're out of the game and they have to come with me.
04:45Yeah.
04:46Here's the line you'll be singing.
04:47It's Minnie Riperton's Loving You.
04:59Do-do-do-do-do-do.
05:02Do-do-do-do.
05:27really nice thank you do do do do do do harriet
05:45oh no poor harriet sorry harriet let's go again from the top
06:00go again from the top please
06:02do do do do do do no wait wait let me give you the beat
06:15we're giving you the bait
06:24that was really nice
06:32yeah she did so brilliantly come around come and have a look because we're going to watch the
06:35replay it was the hardest thing i've ever done it was harder than childbirth and i didn't have
06:40an epidural it's time it's time it's my time
06:55that was unfortunate yeah harriet you need to come with me you've played an absolute blinder oh god
07:01well done harriet i had the best time it was absolutely crazy what a whirlwind it's been
07:07it's really been through a lot thank you richard okay i thought that was for me
07:11he seems to think he's in the bachelor yeah okay yeah okay you were so good
07:16it's been so stressful i mean ping pong balls ping pong ball where did you learn that i would never
07:23have had lou in the final four you know in a house no no no no Lou laughs like halfway
07:28for a sentence
07:29most of the time i've lived a life jimmy you don't even know of course
07:33Whaaaat it is it!
07:36Aww!
07:41Wonderful.
07:42Oh, God! Oh, God!
07:45Oh, God! It is so hot!
07:46It's incredible.
07:48The bad news is Harriet's out of the game.
07:50The good news is we don't have to listen to us sing anymore.
07:53Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do...
07:57doo-do-do-do-do-do...
08:01doo-do-do-do-do-do...
08:03do you have been full throttle the whole six hours uptown funk let's restart the game
08:30oh god I'm so cold I've got to have a hot tea are you okay in Marks and Spencer's because
08:34that's
08:35quite a cold place thank you for asking in the food hole no if you're looking for a hot shop
08:39pets at home that's a hot shop yeah that is a hot shop we haven't heard Lou's Joker
08:57hello oh hello Richard could Lou go and prepare her Joker oh yeah yeah yeah Lou Lou's tricky
09:08something about her as I say you get a little bit off guard and she's cheeky and suddenly that you
09:16feel a grin coming and it's best to run basically to get to this stage sociopath because essentially
09:24you're so willing to suppress any kind of the normal the signs and practices of interaction
09:31and humanity that essentially you're a de facto sociopath yeah yeah it's always how I spent the
09:37first sort of 35 years of my life and the last few years I've sort of unpicked that and but
09:41I feel
09:41like I'm back to square one yeah yeah square one being sociopath yeah would you kill again no
09:49that's dumb for me now hello I'm in a dance duo with my mom this is my mom hello mom
10:02that's not
10:04Goldie Hawn no it's not so we're gonna do a dance piece for you it's inspired by the moors so
10:13Michael
10:13Roger broad and we've done it for the production team we ran it through for them they loved it
10:19didn't they yeah they absolutely loved it but they said the elements of it were a bit too erotic so
10:25we've
10:25had to cut all the BJ's that's a shame that's a shame mum what's the matter mum what's the matter
10:38oh my god fuck what's the matter your uncle Peter died oh my god oh my god how walking oh
10:51my god where
10:52was he walking to elephant and castle where from Alicante okay should we not do the dance maybe I
11:07won't do the slut job no that was Peter's favorite bit let's put the umbilical cord back together
11:33I think they might have forgotten how to laugh
11:52what are we watching
11:58by the time Lou did her her dance with her mom was it mom by that time I think Richard
12:05me and Rob I
12:06think we probably did want to win by then
12:20I don't think you should make your mom dance like that
12:36she's laughing she's laughing laughing that was a definite laugh
12:48what do you think they were trying to get across to that story
12:52it's art alone it's good it's good when art leaves you with questions
12:56I have a suspicion that that wasn't Lou's mum if that was Lou's mum it explains a lot because
13:01they didn't seem close
13:05I just don't know how they're doing it you know like how what what headspace are they in where
13:09that that can happen and they're not laughing that was great Lou it was really interesting
13:19four is about to become three let's let's have a look
13:32oh dear oh dear oh no at least you went down with dignity yeah how humiliating to get caught out
13:45laughing at stuff I just started laughing I think out of nervousness because I thought
13:49Bob Mortimer Richard Iwadi are watching me with a dummy come down a slide out of this woman's like
13:55you know and it you just sort of get overwhelmed by emotions
14:02your career is basically over
14:13I think in a way now the worst you're going out with is bronze that's where you gotta look at
14:18it
14:18sounds like talk of a loser don't you think Bob yeah yeah I'm happy to lose Lou has been an
14:25incredible
14:25player she's managed to get five laughs two of them from herself let's restart the game okay here we go
14:37oh would you make it a biscuit yeah I'd be tempted to do something that you could put in the
14:43same
14:43space as a spare tire in a car you get a bit dirty I wouldn't need to be good packaging
14:47you'd foil it
14:48foil it I like the size of a Ferrero Rocher say that again say that Ferrero Rocher put your teeth
14:57in
14:57say it again Ferrero Rocher Ferrero Rocher oh my gosh I bite the chocolate around the edge leave the
15:04ball swivel pull apart lick out not last was it wrong that I found that even neither my parents were
15:14English so they had idiosyncratic speech patterns so I haven't there are a number of words I just don't say
15:20correctly at all like what I love you yeah
15:33have you a lot of tools Richard you know have you got tool box and drill a fair bit yeah
15:40when I lived in
15:41Ipswich I had a small shed and I did build a I can never say is it pergola for my
15:47parents yeah oh that's
15:49nice I bet you build don't you handy I don't but I've got an inspection pit under my garage can
15:55you imagine
15:55that what you're inspecting it was just from the previous owner of the car yeah do you ever get go
16:00down and
16:00look up yeah go down less sometimes but nothing you've got a place to escape haven't you if I if
16:06I came around
16:07with a head torch and my piles could you look at them for yes you could I could crouch you
16:12could yeah I could poke them I could grab on to them
16:15spoon them back in it's very nice of you to bring the head torch you don't be fiddling down in
16:19the dark
16:20yeah because one of the signs of a proctologist for me is that they've got their own equipment what's a
16:25proctologist someone who is an arse doctor have you ever had a check up the bum a Czechoslovakian
16:35I went to see dr hook when I was younger dr hook the worst prostate exam I've ever had yes
16:42sir do you
16:43understand yes sir because it was a hook yes sir they have to make each other laugh I'm going in
16:51there
16:51I'm going in there oh good luck Jimmy we're running out of time doors Rob come and join me on
16:57stage yeah
16:58we're going to play a game now you haven't done a head-to-head yet so we figure this is
17:01fair but you
17:02can pick your opponent who would you like to play with oh this is tough yeah think I might have
17:07to go
17:07Richard Bob's been a bit difficult for me today Richard's still very funny but I'm gonna have to
17:13go Richard yeah whatever Richard lose the hat I'm less funny than Bob I know well Bob got you so
17:17that's
17:17how I'm doing it oh this is gonna be hard okay Bobby you are you happy watching from over there
17:22very happy to you all right we're gonna play the face you do when okay okay so first things first
17:28I've got I've got put this up okay and this is more physical labor than I'm used to okay face
17:34you do
17:35when yeah I'm gonna give you a scenario all you have to do is do the face that you would
17:38do in
17:39that scenario and then when this board comes down I want you to look each other in the eyes doing
17:43that
17:43face doing that face oh my god okay Rob the face you do in the theater when the show is
17:50about to
17:50begin and you just found out there's no interval it's three hours long you've had four bran muffins
17:55and two pints of prune juice okay okay Richard the face you do when you're having an ice cream and
18:17you suddenly remember you're meant to be attending your dad's funeral
18:37oh the twitch oh my god what are you gonna do
18:56oh I mean what are you meant to do as soon as he started talking I was gone you played
19:04an absolute
19:06blinder today that was some face you did Rob you're the best laugher in the world oh and you got
19:12this
19:12fight it's a miracle I know that's hard yeah I think I could survive just the face but with the
19:17the little the little tongue yeah yeah got me and then the words finished me I couldn't compete with
19:22yeah yeah no I mean what can you do pleasure honor it's so nice being out yeah I feel so
19:28free okay you're
19:29gonna sit over there at the sofas you're out the game you can laugh at this point Bob you're going
19:33head-to-head with Richard Iwadi if good luck good luck guys Bob's in Bob's in now Roisin could you
19:42restart the game yes okay you know how this works one mistake and it is all over okay Bob yeah
19:55could
19:56you make the face you make the face you do when you discover your partner is also your cousin oh
20:03shoot
20:29okay Richard I'd like you to do the face you do when you're at the doctors and he's got your
20:33test
20:33results it's not looking good it's not looking good it's not looking good it's looking excellent you
20:46you have zero STDs but wait he was looking at the wrong file you have chlamydia
21:01what you're gonna do
21:06what you're gonna do do do do do do do do do do do okay one more each this is
21:26the face you do when
21:26you're on a plane you're on a plane the toilet door opens a large bald man walks out the smell
21:31is horrific
21:32the pilot has left the cockpit and his break dancing in the aisles it's amazing
21:48what the hell who the fuck why is this shit come on Richard what face would you do in the
22:02same scenario
22:03yeah yeah thank you oh it's tricky to go second on the same scenario
22:14what you gonna do
22:20what you gonna do
22:25what you gonna do
22:28I don't know
22:39okay we have five minutes left I'm gonna head back with Rob five you have five minutes to make
22:44each other laugh oh stop it okay or else good luck lads come on Rob you did very very well
22:51I've got the
22:52tired boy Jim Jimmy what if we what if we've gone so inside ourselves that neither of us are you
22:58stand here forever door what do you think Richard what shall we do I don't know do you want to
23:09chase me
23:23so Richard's tone was just too much for Rob and he falls at the last hurdle I didn't think I
23:28was gonna
23:28get that far at all I thought especially in the first hour when I was bit giddy and it was
23:31hard but
23:32like look to to go out to Richard and Bob like that was it's good company I'll happily take third
23:39we're
23:39gonna get very strict now I don't want it so much as a titter I'm pressing that button okay I'm
23:45gonna
23:45get me a little joke get your jokes now he brings his jokes takes a little while to remember it
23:55as a
23:55laugh again five minutes ago and he brings the joke book out okay down the line who's winning raise
24:03your hands if you think Richard I what he's gonna win I think he's gonna win okay oh well that's
24:07I
24:07mean it's pretty unanimous Richard's game has been impeccable yeah he has absolutely plowed and
24:13attacked the whole time would you like to sit on these for these last yes please oh look at this
24:24oh these two are cute together for me personally it was nice to ended up with Richard because he is
24:30my
24:30nemesis I mean it's almost a thing in comedy and even it's like can you make him laugh do you
24:37like
24:37jokes don't do it for you no I like them they're good so I'm gonna try some jokes on you
24:43see if we can
24:44finish thing off yeah finish it oh here we go it's strange isn't it Kerry Katona doesn't actually own a
24:52cat
24:56I got the snip yes because you know I didn't want any kids but when I got home they were
25:04still there
25:11there was a kidnapping at my son's school yes it's okay he woke up eventually what I now realize I'd
25:21done
25:22was essentially sign up to be in gold and just have someone take penalty after penalty after penalty
25:27because I had nothing I was on a horse opposite him and he had a pocket full of material you've
25:35got two
25:36minutes left gentlemen two minutes left okay well choose I'll choose carefully then come on Bob you can
25:43do it come on Bob I went to the electrical shop and I said can someone sell me a kettle
25:50yes Kenwood
25:51the bloke said well can you fetch him then please he's struggling I was in the cemetery and I saw
26:06a bloke
26:06get up from behind a gravestone morning I said no just having a shit
26:21oh I'm calling it oh wow that was tight damn you damn you it's very intense it was like um
26:36De Niro and
26:37Pacino and heat in heat yeah I'd be De Niro because De Niro is gunned down in the end but
26:44I'm physically
26:45more De Niro I think but Pacino you're more Pacino there you go you say that I knew it we
26:55have a winner
26:55all right Jimmy I don't need someone like you and my organization you two have been extraordinary
27:03thank you Jimmy everyone come through with a trophy okay come come to the stage for the for the trophy
27:08presentation please
27:20it would have been very strange for Bob not to win it'd be like watching a Rocky film and then
27:25the other
27:26person wins but because I'm old no because you're a a gifted fighter Bob in a room full of comedians
27:35you are the one most dead inside that is a donut yeah congratulations to Bob Mortimer the winner of
27:43the last one laughing you can fire the confetti there's confetti everyone imagine being in Bob
27:51Mortimer's brain and not laughing at whatever thoughts are floating around in there incredible
27:58Bob he's just a master at his craft isn't he I mean those jokes in his joke book it's just
28:05so
28:05stupid and yet so funny he deserved to win a thousand percent very very happy for Bob to win Bob
28:13is the
28:14funniest person in the world it felt like when I was a lot younger and I lived in a shared
28:19house
28:21with people I really liked and I could have sat in there for a lot longer you know I'm an
28:27old bloke
28:28I don't see many people I feel so lucky that with the people that were in there with me they
28:35were all
28:36superb thanks for watching I've been Jimmy Carr if you'd like to take part in the next series of
28:41last one laughing just become a famous stand-up comedian and we'll be in touch goodbye I mean
29:14you
29:16you
29:20you
29:21you
29:21you
29:21you
29:27you
29:31you
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