- 5 weeks ago
Herman Brooks is an aspiring writer working as a fact-checker at a publisher. While dealing with life in the big city, his inner thoughts are played out by four characters representing his intellect, fear, compassion, and lust. His "outer world" consists of a trivia-trove boss, two female co-workers, one mouse-ish and the other a social-climbing bombshell, and a best friend whose both a successful writer and a sexist pig.
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00:00This is Herman Brooks. Herman is just like the rest of us. Every day he has to make all kinds
00:13of decisions. Like what to wear, whom to date, and when to panic. Now these decisions should be easy,
00:25but if you take a look inside Herman's head, you'll see why he sometimes has trouble
00:31making up his mind. I'm Herman's intellect. Without me, he couldn't hold his job, pay his rent,
00:38or tie his shoes. I'm Herman's sensitivity. Without me, he wouldn't feel tenderness,
00:42honesty, or love. The good things in life. I'm Herman's anxiety, and I keep him out of trouble.
00:48And believe me, there's trouble everywhere. I'm Herman's lust. Without me, he'd miss out on all
00:54the good stuff. You know, fun, food, fame. Sometimes they agree. Usually they don't.
01:01But this struggle is going on inside all of us. And it's all going on inside Herman's head.
01:09Check this, collate this, file this, put this in my inbox, take what's in my outbox up to Mr.
01:27Crawford's inbox. Check his to be red box for that article about red box, then bring me a Xerox of
01:32that article on the White Sox. Did I forget anything? Bottle of Mela? Oh yeah, update the database.
01:49Morning, Louise. Morning, Herman. Morning, Hetty. Morning, Herman. Boy, that's some sweater.
02:01Thank you. How long do you have to wear it to win the bet?
02:06I knew it. I told you wearing this geeky sweater would be a bad idea.
02:10And I told you some men look very nice in a sweater. Some men work at the library and smear
02:14themselves with vapor rub. But Mom said it to us, and we've already told her three times we've worn it.
02:21But this is New York. When climbing the corporate ladder, which of these things do not belong?
02:25Power suit, power tie, sweater with reindeer on it.
02:30Well, I think you look very nice, Herman. You're someone who can wear a sweater like that. It's you.
02:34How do you mean? That look on a man just says, sweet.
02:39You know what, Louise? I'm kind of warm.
02:41Yes, I am serious. I do not want to see you anymore.
02:45Don't threaten me, Ted. If you come near me, I swear I'll call the police. You just leave me alone.
02:52Boy, once you cancel the Disney Channel, they just won't let go.
02:58Well, let's help a woman.
02:59I don't think we should get involved.
03:01On the other hand, this is an excellent opportunity to display our manhood.
03:04Okay, but I'm warning you, we're wearing the underwear with the fire trucks on them.
03:08Eddie, can I do anything?
03:14Yeah, you can waltz back to your desk and mind your own business.
03:17Hey, I'm only trying to help. You're the one who's upset.
03:20Figured the least I could do is come over and try to cheer you up.
03:23You want to cheer me up? Put that sweater back on.
03:2941 consecutive weeks of PMS, the new indoor record.
03:32Come on, someone's at the door.
03:48Leave me alone. I'm having the one about the two French maids.
03:54Who is it?
03:55Eddie.
03:56Eddie.
03:56I need to sleep here tonight.
04:04Bonsoir!
04:07Eddie, what's going on?
04:09You know the guy on the phone today, Ted?
04:10He has been harassing me all night.
04:12He won't take no for an answer, and now he's threatening to come to my apartment.
04:15Why did you come here?
04:16Well, I tried staying at Louisa's, but I'm allergic to her mangy little cat,
04:19and all my other friends have a life.
04:23Look, if it's a problem, deal with it.
04:26Look, there's no hundreds of guys.
04:29Why don't you go stay with one of them?
04:30Because basically they're scum with only one thing on their mind.
04:33You, I can trust.
04:34You're like a brother.
04:38What does she mean, brother?
04:40Well, we can assume that she's not utilizing it
04:42in the strict James Brownsian sense of the word.
04:46Anyway, thanks.
04:48I think I'll get ready for a bag.
04:49Oh, Herman, would you grab me my bag?
04:51My nightie's in there.
04:53Get out the lug tools.
04:54We're going to lay some pipe.
05:01You're not thinking of hitting on her.
05:03Hitting on her, sitting on her, spitting on her, whatever she's into.
05:05Are you crazy?
05:18We'll get rejected.
05:20All I'm saying is, let's test the waters.
05:22Stick our toe in.
05:25Well,
05:26good night, honey.
05:28Good night.
05:31Sleep well.
05:32You look tense.
05:36You want a back rub?
05:38No, you!
05:38You get it!
05:39All right, all right, all right!
05:43Herman, wait.
05:44Come here.
05:49Open your robe.
05:50I had no idea you were so thin.
05:59Were you sick as a child?
06:02No!
06:03And I am not thin.
06:05I'm lean.
06:08So,
06:09you want to talk?
06:11No,
06:11I want to stay up all night
06:13making wild, passionate love.
06:15It's just a suggestion.
06:18Night, Herman.
06:20And they tested the waters
06:22and, lo,
06:23the waters were chilly.
06:34Hello,
06:35I'm calling to confirm a quote of yours
06:36for Cityscope magazine.
06:38You said,
06:39if that son of a bitch mayor
06:40comes near me again,
06:41I'll rip his face off
06:42and mail it back to City Hall.
06:43Is that correct?
06:44Uh-huh.
06:46And you are Father O'Brien
06:47or Monsignor?
06:51Yes, bless you too, Father.
06:54Hi, Louise.
06:55You're not busy already.
06:57Yep,
06:57but I'm on top of it.
06:58I got here early
06:59so I could do all this.
07:00Louise!
07:01Crawford said he never received
07:02those articles I gave to you.
07:04Now, what the hell is going on?
07:05Oh, well,
07:05I had to get those references
07:06you asked for.
07:07Don't give me excuses, Louise.
07:09Give me results.
07:11And oh.
07:14Have this checked
07:22by five o'clock.
07:29Louise,
07:30how long are you going to
07:31take this from Bracken?
07:32It's okay, Herman.
07:33I took a seminar on this.
07:34I know exactly how to handle it.
07:36Louise,
07:40you have got to tell him
07:41to start appreciating you.
07:43Stand up for yourself.
07:44Well, I'm not good at that.
07:45Every time I stand up,
07:46someone takes my chair.
07:49But thanks for the suggestion.
07:51Good morning, everyone.
07:54Louise,
07:54thanks for dinner again last night.
07:56I am so sorry
07:57about that Elvis plate.
07:58How was I to know
07:58it wasn't dishwasher safe?
08:00Maybe the fact that
08:01it was hanging on the wall
08:02with a little light over it?
08:03Well, at least now
08:06you can eat off
08:07and I think the king
08:08would have wanted it that way.
08:10So where did you end up
08:11last night?
08:12Well, I knew I needed to stay
08:13with someone safe
08:14and I'm threatening.
08:14That was sweet of you, Herman.
08:18I'm getting sick
08:19and tired of sweet.
08:20Yeah.
08:21We can be just as big a jerk
08:22as the next guy.
08:23We can be unintelligent
08:25or we can be stupid.
08:27We can be not so smart.
08:28Animal, animal.
08:28From now on,
08:29when we're on the same side,
08:30just nod.
08:33Hedy, just because
08:34they didn't put the moves on you
08:36doesn't mean I'm...
08:36Herm, Herm, Herm.
08:37We got to converse.
08:39Is it true what I heard?
08:40You and Hedy
08:40had a sleepover?
08:43True, Jay.
08:44So?
08:45Nothing happened.
08:47Nothing?
08:47Herman, I know how small
08:48your apartment is.
08:49If she rolled over,
08:50you were at least into foreplay.
08:52We are talking about Hedy.
08:54Well, I'm not saying
08:54she wouldn't claw your eyes out,
08:56but you gotta try.
08:56You gotta swing the bat.
08:58Babe Ruth doesn't hold
08:58the home run record
08:59because he was timid.
09:00Hank Aaron holds
09:01the home run record,
09:03you jerk.
09:03Get out of here.
09:07Am I the only one
09:08who thinks that guy
09:08should see a proctologist?
09:12Hermo,
09:12women expect us
09:13to put the moves on them.
09:14If we don't,
09:15the next thing you know
09:16they think of us
09:16as a friend.
09:17Yeesh.
09:19I'm comfortable
09:20with how women perceive me.
09:21Thanks, Jay.
09:22Herman, I'm wondering,
09:23can I stay over it again
09:24at your place?
09:25Sure, why not?
09:26Well, could you not be home
09:27until midnight?
09:28I'm having a few people over.
09:29I'd invite you,
09:30but it's a pretty hip crowd.
09:33You're a great friend.
09:38Friend.
09:38Friend.
09:39Hey, Hermo.
09:57Save your seat.
09:59In a minute, Jay,
10:00I gotta take care of something.
10:01Hetty, listen.
10:02Sit down.
10:03Yeah, we gotta talk.
10:04You really have
10:04the wrong impression of me.
10:06I mean, just because
10:06I'm nice
10:07doesn't mean you can
10:07treat me like
10:08I'm your little boy.
10:12What'd I miss?
10:13What'd I miss?
10:14Hetty's kissing us.
10:15But it's not a meaningful kiss.
10:16How can you tell?
10:17Well, for one thing,
10:18she's not using her tongue.
10:21Now, I'll say something clever.
10:23How about what the hell's going on?
10:25It's so funny.
10:27What is?
10:28Hetty?
10:29Oh, hello, Ted.
10:31Why have you been ignoring me?
10:33Herman.
10:34You want me to tell him
10:35why you've been ignoring her?
10:37I ask you a question.
10:40Herman, are you gonna do something?
10:43Ted, the lady doesn't want
10:45to be bothered.
10:45And who are you?
10:47You wanna know who he is?
10:48He's my lover.
10:52We are not lovers,
10:54but obviously she doesn't want
10:55anything to do with you,
10:56so why don't you just
10:56leave her alone?
10:57Yeah, well, why don't you
10:58just make me?
11:01Am I alone in thinking
11:02that if Hetty gave this guy
11:04a chance, she could learn
11:05to love him?
11:06Get out of my way!
11:07Wait!
11:07Before we even consider
11:09physical violence,
11:10we must first exhaust
11:11all diplomatic venues.
11:13Let's discuss this
11:14like rational human beings.
11:15How's this for rational?
11:17You get the hell out of here,
11:18and I don't beat
11:19the crap out of you.
11:21Ted, I don't want
11:21any trouble with you.
11:22Oh, you've already got it.
11:25This is it.
11:25We're at Discon 3.
11:27Let go of me, Ted.
11:30I have a lot of friends here.
11:32I don't know.
11:33I mean, in the vicinity.
11:39Why don't you just beat it
11:40before something happens
11:40to that sweet face of yours?
11:42Oh!
11:46What did we just do?
11:48He called us sweet.
11:49What does that guy
11:52think he is, huh?
11:54Well, when he's conscious,
11:55he thinks he's Ted Tatum,
11:56executive VP of the company.
12:00Good punch, Hermo.
12:02Bad career move.
12:09Work all day.
12:10Work all night.
12:11Tote that barge.
12:12Lift that rail.
12:12Did I hear you right?
12:18You didn't say please,
12:19and you didn't say thank you.
12:21Well, it's too late, pal.
12:22I'm leaving.
12:23I'm moving to Tahiti
12:24with my new husband,
12:25Mel Gibson.
12:29What?
12:30Are you talking to me?
12:33Are you talking to me?
12:34You must be talking to me.
12:37I don't see anybody else.
12:41Hi, Herman.
12:43Well, I guess I've totally
12:44humiliated myself
12:45in front of you.
12:46That's okay, Louise.
12:47We've all humiliated
12:48ourselves at one time.
12:49Yes, I hear you
12:50pasted a VP.
12:52You did?
12:53You heard that.
12:54Yeah, everybody was
12:55talking about it
12:55up in Legal.
12:58Legal?
12:59We did hit the man.
13:00We may be liable.
13:01Relax.
13:02Well, we pop the guy.
13:04Hey, Sluggo.
13:08You booked this afternoon,
13:09I got a punk out
13:10and jurors
13:10they need to get whacked.
13:12You know, Hetty,
13:13you're the reason
13:14I got into this whole mess.
13:15The Terminator.
13:19I'm sorry.
13:20I shouldn't joke.
13:21Hey, have you got a lawyer?
13:22Because who...
13:23Boy, are you going to need one.
13:25Here's one.
13:26No, he specializes
13:27in sexual harassment.
13:29Oh, this guy's terrific.
13:31No, that's paternity defense.
13:32Naughty, girly lawyers
13:35are waiting to hear your case.
13:38Jay, I don't need a lawyer.
13:40Herman, I think it was brave
13:41of you to stand up for Hetty
13:42and I, for one, am inspired
13:43and I think that deep down
13:44everyone in this office
13:45feels the same way.
13:46Does the word
13:47death wish
13:48mean anything to you?
13:50I know, Mr. Bracken.
13:51It was a dumb thing to do.
13:52You listen very carefully,
13:54young man.
13:54We don't hit the executive.
13:56I understand that
13:57and I've already sent Mr. Tatum
13:58a long letter of apology.
14:00Good luck.
14:00Get to work.
14:02Louise,
14:03check this,
14:04proof this,
14:05claim this.
14:05Kiss this.
14:11Pardon me?
14:13Mr. Bracken,
14:14I need to see you
14:14in your office now.
14:19Mr. Bracken,
14:20believe that you are
14:21the president,
14:21I will work for you
14:22but I will not
14:22problem for you
14:23at least not every day.
14:24I am a person
14:25and I suspect
14:25something tells me
14:27by the end of the day
14:28I'm going to have
14:28my pick-up desk.
14:29Are you talking to me?
14:33Are you talking to me?
14:36Research.
14:38Uh,
14:39yes, Mr. Tatum.
14:40Sure.
14:41I'll be right up.
14:43Wants to talk.
14:44See,
14:44everything's going to be fine.
14:45Oh,
14:46I don't know,
14:46Hermo,
14:46this guy is a real
14:47vindictive jerk.
14:48Look,
14:48if Louise has the guts
14:49to stand up the Bracken,
14:50I think I can handle tape.
14:52No,
14:52really,
14:53I insist.
14:53Would you like these
14:54resold as well?
14:55Mr. Tatum?
15:11Uh,
15:12once again,
15:12I'm very sorry
15:13about what happened
15:14and I hope
15:14I didn't seriously hurt you.
15:16No,
15:16not seriously at all.
15:18Compared to, say,
15:19hacking off my leg.
15:22Bad bruise.
15:23Not a bruise.
15:24A break.
15:25There's a difference.
15:26You see,
15:26if it was just a bruise,
15:27I don't think I could
15:28press charges.
15:29Press charges?
15:31Gee,
15:31no,
15:31fellas,
15:32I haven't heard of that game.
15:33Why is it called
15:33Ritem Cowboy?
15:37Actually,
15:38my lawyer said
15:39that I didn't have a case,
15:40but, uh,
15:41then I got your letter.
15:43You write very well.
15:44I was particularly
15:45fond of this passage
15:46and I was wholly
15:48and thoroughly
15:48at fault.
15:50That's a thing.
15:53Look,
15:54Mr. Tatum,
15:55I apologize,
15:56but you were
15:56way out of line.
15:57Now,
15:57if you just brought me
15:58up here to tell me
15:58you were pressing charges,
16:00I'll catch you in court.
16:01Yeah,
16:02unless
16:02you could convince me
16:05to drop the whole thing.
16:07How?
16:08Get Heady
16:08to go out with me.
16:10Absolutely not.
16:11We will not subject
16:12Heady to this scum.
16:13We will not sacrifice
16:13her to save our skin.
16:15Uh,
16:15guys,
16:16before you make
16:16this decision,
16:17I'd like to introduce you
16:18to our two new friends,
16:19Rocco and Cheech.
16:23Go on.
16:28It's just a simple date.
16:29Forget it.
16:30Okay,
16:30so he's not the greatest
16:31guy in the world.
16:32He is a worm.
16:33Oh,
16:33you go out with
16:34lots of worms.
16:35Why stop now?
16:37Herman,
16:37I said no.
16:38Do you understand English?
16:39No,
16:39I...
16:40Mr. Bracken asked me
16:41to do those assignments
16:42and I get to do them.
16:45Well,
16:45Herman,
16:45you work it out
16:46with Tatum yet?
16:47Uh,
16:47we're working it out,
16:48sir.
16:48Well,
16:48work it out fast
16:49and get back to work.
16:50Where the hell is...
16:50Here I am.
16:52I'm just getting
16:52those back issues
16:53you asked for.
16:54I'm flogging myself.
16:56Good.
16:57Now,
16:57take this to the mail room
16:58and mail it.
16:59Take this to the copy room
17:00and copy it.
17:01Take this to the bank
17:02and deposit it.
17:03What's this?
17:04Well,
17:04it's,
17:05uh,
17:05it's a bonus check.
17:08Uh,
17:08just to show you that,
17:10you know,
17:11that you're appreciated.
17:15Well,
17:15now you know.
17:16Get back to work.
17:19Eddie,
17:19I'm not gonna ask anymore.
17:20You've made your decision.
17:22I'll live with it.
17:22Good.
17:23Of course,
17:24you got me into this.
17:25I thought you'd least
17:26want to get me out.
17:27I guess I was wrong.
17:30Yeah,
17:31I thought you'd come through
17:32for me,
17:33but I was way off the mark.
17:36Yep.
17:37Thought you might
17:38want to help out a friend,
17:39but,
17:39you know.
17:39Right, Herman.
17:40Tell him eight o'clock.
17:44Well,
17:45I hope you're all happy.
17:46We certainly aren't
17:46sweet anymore.
17:47So what's next?
17:49Illegally dumping
17:49toxic waste?
17:50Oh, no!
17:51How about a baby seal hunt?
17:55Herman,
17:55guess what?
17:57Your advice about bracken
17:58paid off.
17:59Look, look, look.
18:00I think I'll just go
18:01right over to Saxon
18:02and buy myself
18:03a new pair of
18:04socks.
18:07Oh, well.
18:09Thanks for teaching me
18:10not to let anyone
18:11push me around, Herman.
18:12You're such a man
18:13of principle.
18:15You're such a man
18:15of principle.
18:16You're such a man
18:17of principle.
18:18All right, all right.
18:19You're such a man
18:19of principle.
18:19Cut it out.
18:21Hey, Herman,
18:22what are you thinking, man?
18:23Hmm?
18:24I don't know.
18:26Hey,
18:27did you ever do something
18:27you really felt bad about?
18:30No.
18:32Oh, I hope you're not
18:33talking about
18:33when you hit Tatum.
18:34Herman,
18:34I was inspired.
18:35You're my new hero.
18:36Oh,
18:36you're my new hero.
18:36Yeah,
18:41some hero.
18:43Whoa.
18:44I think we have
18:45some dope on Tatum.
18:46The guy just winked at me.
18:53Please,
18:54bag.
18:54You bet he is.
18:55I'm not talking about him.
18:56I'm talking about us.
18:59Don't you?
19:01Tatum,
19:02the deal's off.
19:03What?
19:04Herman,
19:04it's okay.
19:05No,
19:05it's not okay.
19:06Look,
19:06I won't be pushed around,
19:07I won't be blackmailed,
19:08and I won't be your pimp.
19:09Herman.
19:09You just don't learn,
19:10do you?
19:11Don't get me mad,
19:12Ted,
19:12or...
19:12Or what?
19:14Or what?
19:15I don't handle what.
19:17I handle how,
19:17and I dabble in why.
19:18What is your area?
19:21Actually,
19:22Ted,
19:22I have no intention
19:22of hitting you again.
19:23There'd be no pleasure in it.
19:25You're a jerk.
19:26You know it,
19:26I know it,
19:27and everyone in this bar
19:28knows it.
19:29I don't know.
19:30I don't know.
19:32Well,
19:32they know it now.
19:34So you're not gonna hit me?
19:35No.
19:36Well,
19:37that's good to know.
19:39Oh!
19:44Herman,
19:44oh my God,
19:45oh my God!
19:46All right,
19:47Eddie,
19:47I'm okay.
19:47No,
19:47you're sitting on my jacket.
19:49How you doing there,
19:53buddy?
19:54Massive internal bleeding side.
19:56I'm doing pretty good.
19:57Well,
19:57it was a brilliant strategy,
19:58pal.
19:58After what he just did,
19:59he's got no case against you.
20:01You're still my hero,
20:02bud.
20:03Herman,
20:03I know you're in a lot of pain
20:04right now,
20:05but one day we'll all look back
20:06on this and laugh.
20:08Oh,
20:08that happened a lot sooner
20:09than I thought.
20:11You know,
20:11a little thank you
20:12might be in order.
20:13You're right.
20:15Herman,
20:15thank you.
20:16I learned something about you.
20:17You're a very courageous man.
20:19Very moral.
20:20You know what?
20:22You're also very sweet.
20:26Great,
20:26so now we're back to sweet.
20:29Some women like sweet.
20:30They like it.
20:31They just won't sleep with it.
20:36Excuse me,
20:37I'm a doctor.
20:37Are you all right?
20:38I'm fine.
20:39I have an office close by.
20:42I can examine you
20:43very easily.
20:45Oh,
20:46I do have this
20:47incredible pain.
20:48Let go.
20:50I saw you stand up
20:51for that woman.
20:52I thought that was
20:53very sweet.
20:54For the record,
20:55I love a sensitive man.
21:02Excuse me,
21:03could I...
21:04Did you see
21:05Fields of Dreams
21:06and he was
21:07having a catch
21:09with his father?
21:10It just,
21:11it reminded me
21:12of my dad
21:13and I,
21:13I just,
21:16I...
21:16Elvira here,
21:24back in a cupping hand
21:25for Halloween.
21:26Coors Light,
21:27it's the official
21:27beer of Halloween
21:28and just what an adult party
21:30needs to be
21:30a howling for staff.
21:32Oh!
21:33What?
21:33You don't believe me?
21:34What do you need?
21:35Like a sign from above?
21:38Be sure to visit
21:39this display
21:39wherever you buy
21:41Coors Light.
21:42And it's just perfect
21:43for when friends drop in.
21:49See what I mean?
21:53This Thursday night
21:54here on Fox,
21:54it's a special
21:55on Teen Idol.
21:56Yeah,
21:56someone explain this to me.
21:57Luke Perry,
21:58Winona Ryder,
21:58people like that,
21:59the cast of Beverly Hills
21:5990210,
22:00Marky Mark.
22:01These people are
22:02younger than I am
22:03and they're already
22:03on Robin Leitch
22:04and the Lifestyles
22:05of the Rich and Famous.
22:06Yeah.
22:06You know,
22:07you shouldn't be too envious.
22:08When I was getting
22:08like 20,000 fan letters a week,
22:10pain in the butt.
22:11Sure.
22:12You can't imagine
22:12how much time
22:13it takes to write back.
22:14Stay tuned for the Sunday comics.
22:15That's next.
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