- 1 day ago
The Smothers Brothers disrupt Jack's comedy, and Jack is pinned under a bomb during a WWII London air raid. The UXB squad turns out to be the Smothers.
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00:00From Hollywood, the Jack Benny Program, with his special guest, the Smothers Brothers.
00:18We'll be the trees and fill the breeze with rare and magic perfume.
00:32Oh, no, it isn't the breeze.
00:35No, no, no.
00:37That's not right.
00:38I said it wasn't the trees.
00:39I know you said it wasn't the trees, but then you said, oh, no, it isn't the breeze.
00:43Well, you said it wasn't the breeze.
00:44Well, Edna, first it wasn't the breeze.
00:46It was the trees.
00:46Oh, yeah, well, if it's the trees, it can't be the breeze.
00:54And I said, oh, no, it isn't the breeze.
00:56So that, so how, I'm awful right.
01:02You are right.
01:04But just forget, just forget everything I've told you.
01:07Just say, can it be the trees that fill the breeze?
01:12Please.
01:13Can it be the, what, trees?
01:16See the trees that fill the breeze, please?
01:21No.
01:23That's stupid.
01:24How can it be the trees that fill the breeze, please?
01:26I had, I thought I had a good idea, and it didn't work.
01:41So if you'll leave now, I'll introduce you later.
01:44Don't you want to try it again?
01:46No, no, no.
01:46You tried it once, well, I'll introduce you, and you'll do something later, huh?
01:50I hope to get to the nose.
01:51I hope to get to the nose.
01:52Of course, ladies and gentlemen, you know those are the Smothers Brothers.
02:05You know, the reason, the reason I had them out here at the opening is I thought for a change,
02:15it would be kind of nice to have someone else do my theme song instead of that orchestra of mine.
02:22See, it's not that I have anything against my musicians, but when the brass section blows through their instruments,
02:30and those fumes fill the breeze, believe me, it's a rare but not magic perfume.
02:37Normally, having trouble like that at the opening of a show would upset me, but not anymore.
02:48I feel that these things really aren't too important.
02:53You know, I found out that the only important thing in life is your health.
02:59Yes, sir, that's, that's the important thing.
03:01But fortunately, I don't get sick very often because I keep myself in real good condition, you know, physical condition.
03:09And the way I do that is by getting plenty of exercise.
03:12Every morning, I used to get up at 7 o'clock and turn on my TV set, see, and do all those exercises they show you on television.
03:21But after about eight weeks, I had to stop it.
03:24You see, I found out that those exercises were for women, and my whole shape was changing.
03:31As a matter of fact, I didn't notice it myself until one day I, um, well, I better save that for the Johnny Carson show.
03:49And now, ladies and gentlemen, getting on with the show, I'd like to bring on my guest.
03:54Two very fine entertainers, the Smothers Brothers.
04:01Pull that cabbie down, boy, turns that old cake round.
04:23Pull that cabbie down, boy, turn that old cake round.
04:27The only song I ever did sing is, pull that cabbie down.
04:31Pull that cabbie down, boy, turn that old cake round.
04:35The only song I ever did sing is, pull that cabbie down.
04:38Take it, Tom.
04:39No.
04:41I said no, I didn't want to take it.
04:44You're supposed to take it. Aren't you a folk singer?
04:47Yes, but I said no because I didn't want to take it.
04:49Wait a minute, you're a folk singer. Have you read the folk singer's guidebook?
04:52Yeah, but I didn't want to, and, uh, what does the guidebook say?
04:57It says all folk singers are obligated to do what?
05:03You're, uh, you're obligated to take it.
05:07Without, without hesitation, without thinking, like a reflex, Tommy.
05:12Take it, Tom. Boom, boom, boom.
05:14Yeah, what?
05:14I say take it, hop to it.
05:16Hold that cabbie down. Take it, Tom.
05:22Boom, boom, boom.
05:27Hundreds of years ago, the railroad started in America.
05:31Rugged men of yet to year went out in the wilderness with vision in their eyes and big nine-pound hammers in their hands.
05:38Went out in the wilderness to build the great spiderweb of steel rails,
05:42the transcontinental railroad, to span our country as these men went out in the wilderness and toiled
05:47and inched their way across the vast bosom of America.
05:54About to throw a little sex in the show.
06:00These, but this wasn't just a fun job.
06:03There was dangers in this job as they built the railroads up the mountains and down the mountains
06:08and then across, uh, the deserts and over, over raging rivers and they had to span crevices.
06:16Deep crevices in the ground and in the, and in the bottom of the crevices there was pumas.
06:23These just pumas with claws and foam coming out of these pumas' mouths and the, and the railroad men, they're going,
06:28Woo, look at those pumas down there!
06:31I'm not going to build anywhere across the crowd, there's pumas in the ground!
06:37There were no pumas in the crevices because we don't have pumas here.
06:40There are no pumas in America.
06:47Well, maybe some came over to visit.
06:53They don't visit.
06:54Now, if you want to keep your story truthful, you get rid of the pumas right now.
06:59I'm not going down that crevice.
07:04Well, there was these, there was these vicious beasts in these deep crevices and these, these, these, these rare men said,
07:11Well, look at those vicious beasts in their crevices!
07:15They look like pumas!
07:19But they weren't.
07:20They, and they were sore afraid, yet the railroads were completed.
07:27Yet the Transcontinental Railroads were completed, and a big fe, a big feast was transpired for these rugged railroad men.
07:33And the sole substance for this big feast for these railroad men, the sole substance was hot cakes boiled in cabbage juice.
07:40It's not so popular now.
07:45They had to sing about something else.
07:48I bought myself a bicycle, I learned to ride it well.
07:53Crashing to a telephone pole and broke it all in pieces.
07:58Cabbage down, boys, turn that old kick round.
08:01The only song I ever did sing was a bowl of cabbage down.
08:04Oh, working on the railroad, working all day long.
08:08Take it.
08:09You didn't, have you ever read the folk singer's manual?
08:17It says, when someone says to take it, you're supposed to take it.
08:20I said to take it, and you didn't take it.
08:22I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
08:23I'm very sorry, really, I'm sorry.
08:27Well, don't get belligerent, you didn't take it.
08:29I said I'm sorry, that's all I can say, I'm sorry.
08:34That's okay, then, don't, don't make any more mistakes.
08:36Well, don't get belligerent, let's take it.
08:38I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
08:39I said to take it, but I don't care.
08:40Nothing happened.
08:41I do have to say, I'm sorry.
08:42I'm sorry, then, don'toke it.
08:45Oh, I said to interrupt.
08:47Boil that cabbage down
08:53Boy, turn that old cake round
08:56Only song I ever did sing
08:57Boil that cabbage down
09:02Boil, boil, boil, boil, boil, boil down
09:17You know, Paula, that was very, very good
09:26Thank you
09:27You know, you boys have been quite successful the last few years
09:31Must make you very happy, huh?
09:33Well, it makes us happy, but it really makes our family very happy
09:36Especially our little old grandmother
09:37Oh, your grandmother?
09:39Yeah, we have a little old grandmother
09:42And she lives up in Barney Gulf, a little town in Northern California
09:45And since things have been going well, nobody ever hardly knew her
09:50But now they refer to her as a smother's brother's mother's mother
09:54No
10:01Yes, she has a mailbox this long
10:06Oh, well, fellas, tell me, tell me something about yourself
10:10Where did you, where did you go to school?
10:12Well, we went to high school down here in Redondo Beach, California
10:16And then we both went to college
10:17Oh, you went to college, both of you
10:19What did you study?
10:20Well, I was studying business administration
10:22And Tommy was studying medicine
10:25He looks like a puma to me
10:34Yeah, I was going to be a brain surgeon
10:44A brain surgeon?
10:50Yeah, I couldn't be a puma
10:53There's no puma
10:54You studied, you studied to be a brain surgeon
11:03Yeah
11:03Yeah, but I decided against it
11:06I mean, you know, I was 18 years old
11:08And my mother's daughter was cutting my meat for me
11:10Well, I can see where that might lessen your confidence
11:18I was pretty good with a fork, but a knife, I was lousy
11:23Well, tell me, how did you
11:28How did you kids happen to get in the show business?
11:33You know, we were watching television program
11:36And there was this guy that came out
11:38And he just, he didn't do anything
11:39He just kind of stood around
11:40And he stared, he stared at the audience
11:42Tommy, Tommy
11:42He did, too
11:43He just went out and he stood out there
11:45And he kind of stared at the audience
11:47He didn't do anything
11:48Well, the way I figured
11:49If he could go out there and stand around and do nothing
11:51I guess, I figured we could maybe do
11:53Tommy
11:53Something
11:54Gee, you looked a lot younger on television
12:13He doesn't know what we're talking about
12:17I do, too
12:18And that was years ago
12:20Anyway, I'm glad I was responsible for you going into show business
12:25Now, I know you're going to do another number
12:28So what's it going to be?
12:30How's he know we're going to do another number?
12:33When he pays, he knows
12:35Gee, well, he better pay us plenty
12:38Because brain surgeons don't work cheap
12:40We'd like to do a song of a young man who just lost his sweetheart
12:56He's feeling very sorry for himself
12:59It's entitled, I Never Will Marry
13:01Some say that love is a gentle thing
13:09But it only has caused me pain
13:15For the only girl I ever did love
13:23Gone on that midnight train
13:27I never will marry
13:33I'll take me no life
13:41When I was very young, I remember there was a little girl that lived down the street from me.
14:05And we always used to say that when we grew up, we'd be married.
14:08And it was sort of a childish thing and a puppy love.
14:13Yet as the years went by, this puppy love grew into something very dear and very precious to me.
14:19You know, they tell us that love is a gentle thing.
14:23But I think each person here who has truly loved and been loved has shed a tear and experienced heartache.
14:34And the girl I learned to love so very much broke my heart and left me for another man.
14:42Yet I love her still.
14:44And I swear by all the stars in the skies that as long as I live, I never will marry unless I can marry her.
14:53I'll mess around a little bit, though.
14:56Yeah.
14:57You know, there's something about those boys that's very familiar.
15:10They remind me of a couple of fellas I met when I was in London in 1944.
15:29It was during the war and I was over in Europe entertaining the servicemen.
15:34And while I was there, I also did a few shows at the London Palladium.
15:39Well, one night, the enemy planes came over and put on one of the most devastating air raids of the entire war.
15:48I'll never forget it.
15:49I had finished my show at the theater and I was walking back to my hotel.
15:55When the sirens started to wail and the bombs dropped and the searchlights were crisscrossing the sky.
16:04I don't think they gave us a bit of what for tonight.
16:09Not half.
16:10This one's even worse than the other one.
16:12Shh.
16:13Now.
16:14Listen.
16:17Do you hear something?
16:18Cool, another duck.
16:20Sounds like we've got a real-life bomb around here.
16:22Blimey, that's a big'un.
16:25I ought to go and get the bomb defusing squad.
16:29There's a bloke under here.
16:31I'll bet hurry.
16:32Hold on.
16:49What are you doing there?
16:51What am I doing?
16:52I tried to catch this for a souvenir.
16:56What am I doing?
16:58He's an edgy one, isn't he?
17:00American, you know.
17:05Hey, pull this off of me, will you please?
17:07Hold it.
17:12Can you hear it kicking?
17:14The slightest little jolt will sell the whole thing off.
17:17You mean?
17:18Let me put it this way, governor.
17:20If you sneeze, you'll never hear the gesundheit.
17:28All right, clear the area!
17:29Clear the area!
17:30Everybody out!
17:31Clear the area!
17:32Clear the area!
17:33Hey, clear the area!
17:34He said, everybody, clear the area!
17:35For heaven's sake, can't you see I'm trapped under here?
17:49For heaven's sake, can't you see he's trapped under there?
17:53Get started!
17:54Take this thing off!
17:56Tommy, go ahead and get started.
17:58Not until he closes his eyes.
18:01Why should I close my eyes?
18:03I don't like anybody looking over my shoulder while I'm working.
18:07If I make a little mistake, you'll go blabbing it around to everybody.
18:11Look, if you make a mistake, I won't tell anybody, believe me.
18:18Not even the guy who picks up my lips.
18:25Okay, in that case, you can watch.
18:28Well, thank you.
18:30Now, first, we've got to locate the exact area of the mechanism.
18:34First, we've got to locate the exact area of the mechanism.
18:37Yeah, I heard of it.
18:38All right, Tommy, you get looking on that end.
18:40I'll look on this end.
18:43It's getting louder.
18:45It's getting louder.
18:50Tommy.
18:51That sounds hollow.
18:55He said, Tommy.
18:57Shh.
18:59He's talking to me.
19:00Tommy?
19:01Hey, the bomb's talking to me.
19:03He even knows my name.
19:04It said Tommy.
19:06I never knew a bomb before.
19:07I never bought one.
19:10Freely, fellas, please.
19:13Now, let's get this cover on.
19:22Look at this clock.
19:24What a beautiful mechanism.
19:26That's a...
19:27That's a...
19:28That's...
19:29That's an XK-41.
19:30That's a Swiss movement.
19:31No, no.
19:32The XK-41 happens to be a German movement.
19:35It's a Swiss movement.
19:36It's a German movement.
19:37The XK-41's German.
19:38It's a Swiss movement.
19:39It is not...
19:40Who cares?
19:41Stop talking and work.
19:45There's always the fellas who are just lying around there.
19:47They keep rushing you.
19:51Why wouldn't I rush you?
19:52I don't even think you fellas know what you're doing.
19:56Will you, too?
19:57I just defused the bomb.
19:58Just lube, I'll go right over there.
20:07Must have been over there.
20:08Tommy, I thought you said you defused that bomb.
20:14I did what I always do.
20:16I detached the white wire from the blue wire.
20:20It's supposed to be the green wire from the blue wire.
20:23I...
20:24I thought it was the white wire.
20:25No, no.
20:27It's always been the green wire from the blue wire.
20:30Well, just a little mistake.
20:32I mean...
20:33I mean, everybody makes a mistake.
20:35You know, nobody's perfect.
20:36Gee, if everybody was perfect,
20:38if you were perfect,
20:39and if you were perfect,
20:40and I was perfect,
20:41what kind of world would this be?
20:42This would be some world, believe me.
20:44Look, if I want philosophy,
20:46I can listen to Bertrand Russell.
20:49Or Jack Parr.
20:53Now get back to work, will ya?
20:55Okay.
20:56Well, according to this clock,
20:57we've got about two minutes before the bomb goes off.
21:01So we'd better hurry.
21:03Yeah, I'll get behind this cog wheel here,
21:06and I'll detach this wire right there.
21:09Hey, Tommy, I just noticed something.
21:11Do you know who this is?
21:13No, who?
21:14That's Jack Benny.
21:15That's Jack Benny.
21:17You mean the guy that's playing at the podium?
21:19Yeah, it's Jack Benny.
21:22Are you really?
21:26Yes, yes, I'm Jack Benny.
21:28Hey, nice to meet ya.
21:29Don't get up.
21:33Tommy, go to the truck and get the guitar.
21:35Yeah.
21:36Guitar?
21:37We wanted to get into show business, Mr. Benny,
21:39and we'd sure like to do a number for ya.
21:41But there's no time.
21:42You said yourself,
21:43there's only two minutes left on the bomb.
21:45Great.
21:46Tommy, let's do that special song we've been working on.
21:48Yeah.
21:49That, that, that's a...
21:51We've only got two minutes.
21:53That's all right.
21:54The song takes a minute.
21:56That's kind of a funny number.
21:58Uh, if you feel like laughing, go right ahead.
22:00No.
22:02Look at boys.
22:03Oh, what tempo?
22:04That, that, that, that, that, that, that.
22:07Jimmy Crackhorn, I don't care.
22:08No.
22:09Jimmy Crackhorn, I don't care.
22:10Jimmy Crackhorn, I don't care.
22:11Jimmy Crackhorn, I don't care.
22:12Wait a minute.
22:13That's not the way it goes.
22:14I don't care.
22:17Hey, how'd you like that one?
22:18Fine, fine.
22:20How about an encore?
22:21Never mind the encore.
22:22We've only got a few seconds left.
22:24If you didn't get it, let's do it again.
22:25Oh, Lord.
22:27Bella!
22:28Bella!
22:29Bella!
22:34We're open.
22:35You deben.
22:36Yeah!
22:41Here we go.
22:42Just better, guys.
22:46Bellas.
22:54Fellas.
22:55Fellas, I'm sorry.
22:57If I told my producer once, I told him a thousand times.
23:01When we do a sketch, don't use a real bomb.
23:16Hey, Dickie, you know, I can just see it in tomorrow's headlines in the papers,
23:21Benny's Bomb Smothers Brothers.
23:31Thanks, boys. Thanks very much for being on the show.
23:44Yeah, this, you know, you know, this is one of the dirtiest shows I've ever been on.
23:57Ladies and gentlemen, well, that's the show.
24:00Good night, folks, and I'll be seeing you soon.
24:30Bye.
24:32Bye.
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