- 1 day ago
the Clampetts take over the bank when Miss Hathaway falls ill and Mr. Drysdale prepares for a convention speech. Jed acts as president, while Elly May attempts to work as his secretary. Jethro hilariously complicates matters by bringing a wrong, distracting document for Drysdale’s keynote speech.
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TVTranscript
00:00Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.
00:05And then one day he was shooting at some food, and up through the ground come a bubbling crude.
00:11Oil, that is, black gold, Texas tea.
00:16Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire.
00:19The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there.
00:22Said, California is the place you ought to be.
00:24So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly.
00:26Hills, that is, swimming pools, movie stars.
00:32The Beverly Hillbilly.
01:22Granny, Jethro said you wanted my Benny Rooster for something.
01:25I sure do, Ellie.
01:27I just heard that Jane Hathaway is sick of bed, and I want to cook her up a nice big
01:31pot of chicken broth.
01:33Well, that's not...
01:34Granny, you ain't fixing to cook Earl.
01:37Oh, of course not, Ellie.
01:39But I figured you could turn him loose in the neighborhood, and he just might bring home a plump little
01:44hen.
01:46Good looking little fella here, Earl.
01:49Well, Granny, I don't reckon Earl wants you to cook none of his sweethearts neither.
01:53Well, maybe you're right.
01:55Just turn him loose outside.
01:57And if a chicken hawk shows up, Jethro can bag him.
02:00They make awful good broth if you simmer them long enough.
02:06Jethro tells me Miss Jane is ailing and you're fixing the doctor for her.
02:09That's right, Jed.
02:10Trouble is, I don't know for sure just what she's got.
02:13What she told you, Jethro?
02:15Oh, she's got something called sick benefits.
02:18Sick benefits?
02:19Yes, sir.
02:20Well, I called her apartment this morning to find out could she come to supper tonight.
02:24And she says, I'm sick in bed, Jethro.
02:26And I says, well, Granny will come on over and doctor you.
02:28And she says, well, you tell Granny there's already a doctor on the way because I got sick benefits.
02:34I bet you it's something like a sick headache or maybe a sick stomach.
02:37I reckon it's worse than that, Ellie, because this is catching.
02:41Is that a fact?
02:41Yes, sir.
02:43Miss Jane says pretty near everybody that works down at the bank has got sick benefits.
02:46Yes, because they don't wear ass-affinity bags.
02:50Me, like Mr. Drysdale, got himself a heap of trouble down to the bank.
02:54Is Mr. Drysdale sick too, Jethro?
02:56No, I asked Miss Jane that.
02:58And she says the executives, that's the higher-ups, like the vice presidents.
03:02They don't have sick benefits.
03:04Probably because they eat better and they get more rest.
03:07And they wear ass-affinity bags around their neck.
03:10Well, I reckon we all ought to pitch in and help Mr. Drysdale.
03:13Must be mighty shorthanded down to the bank.
03:15I can help count the money.
03:17Parithmetic is my best study in school.
03:19I'm up to 12 times 12 now.
03:21How much is 12 times 12, Jethro?
03:23Wait a minute.
03:25Okay, now hold up two fingers.
03:2812 times 1 is 12.
03:3012 times 2 is 24.
03:3312 times 3 is 36.
03:35Now, never mind, Jethro.
03:37We're all right proud of you.
03:38But right now, we all better hurry down to the bank and see how we can help Mr. Drysdale.
03:41Come on, everybody.
03:50I'll go in first, the rest of you wait here.
03:52How come?
03:53We don't know how catching that sickness is.
03:56Miss Hathaway, how can you do this to me?
03:59Now, you know the banker's convention is in town and I'm making the keynote speech.
04:04Well, you haven't finished writing it for me.
04:07Now, listen, couldn't you come in today and be sick tomorrow?
04:15Well, I'll turn on the air conditioning.
04:19Ah, don't pay any attention to Dr. Murphy.
04:21I know him.
04:22He's trying to make a big thing out of this so he can collect a big fee.
04:25Oh, fine, doctor.
04:29I knew you were there.
04:30That's why I made a joke about it.
04:33Oh, of course, certainly.
04:37Yes, Kiefer and Ved.
04:40Bye, doctor.
04:45Come in.
04:47How do you have, Mr. Drysdale?
04:48Mr. Clampett, hello.
04:50What can I do for you?
04:51Well, I reckon right now it's what can I do for you?
04:54We heard about our old sickness.
04:55Oh, don't let that concern you.
04:58Anything you need?
04:59Well, nothing except a secretary, a new doctor, a speech writer, and someone to take over my work.
05:06For a fellow with all them troubles, you're sure keeping your spirits up.
05:10Well, I try to keep laughing so I won't cry.
05:15I'll, uh, will you answer the door?
05:23Oh, howdy, young fellow.
05:24You want to see Mr. Drysdale?
05:26Uh, yeah.
05:27Come in, come in.
05:29No, no, no, no, not today.
05:31Now, leave me alone.
05:33See you later, Mr. Drysdale.
05:34Yes, and thank you so much.
05:36Just be your neighborly.
05:39Who was that?
05:40Never mind him.
05:41Who are you?
05:42Oh, uh, we met the other day when I started to work here, Mr. Drysdale.
05:45I'm the new teller trainee.
05:46My name is...
05:47What do you want?
05:48Sir, I noticed that you were without a secretary, and, well, I thought I might be able to help.
05:52You take short hand?
05:53Oh, I don't mean me, sir.
05:55However, there is someone from the secretarial pool that I'd like to recommend.
05:58Oh?
05:59Who?
06:00Well, the chick, the dog, uh, the lady at the first desk, uh,
06:04I believe her name is Kitty Northcross.
06:06The one that wears the tight sweaters?
06:07Yeah.
06:09Uh, does she?
06:10Oh, I only observed her efficiency.
06:12Yeah, I get it.
06:14Yes, sir.
06:14Thank you, Skipper.
06:16Who?
06:17Well, sir, I just got out of the Navy, and I like to consider this bank my new ship,
06:21and you my new captain.
06:23And I'm proud to be aboard, sir, because I know that your genius will pilot this ship of finance
06:28through the reefs of adversity and the stormy seas of competition
06:31until we crop anchor in the harbor of success.
06:37Millswater.
06:38Aye, aye, sir.
06:39Thank you, sir.
06:47And now to continue my speech.
06:50Gentlemen, it is my observation that a bank is like a ship.
06:55It's president, the captain.
06:58It is his responsibility to pilot that ship through the reefs of adversity
07:05and the stormy seas of competition
07:07until he drops anchor in the harbor of success.
07:12At this point, take a sip of water and wait for applause.
07:23Oh, good, Ellie, you're all ready.
07:25We best be getting down to the bank as quick as we can.
07:27Well, Papa, do you reckon I know enough to be a banker's secretary?
07:31Shucks, yes, Ellie, especially since I'm going to be the banker.
07:33Oh, did Mr. Drysdale take sip?
07:35Oh, he had to speak at a convention.
07:37He says all he needs is a secretary, a speechwriter, a new doctor,
07:43and somebody to do his work.
07:45Granny's a dandy doctor, but who can write speeches?
07:48Well, Kentrow found one in a book already wrote.
07:51He's in there helping Granny now mix medicine for Miss Jane.
08:01Now, my secret arm.
08:22Don't stand too close to it while it's working, Jethro.
08:25That'll cure Miss Jane, huh, Granny?
08:27It'll cure anything.
08:29I gave it to a sick horse one morning.
08:32That afternoon, he won a race.
08:34You doctored a race horse?
08:36No, a plow horse.
08:37He never raced before.
08:39Ready?
08:39Jethro?
08:41Pa says let's get it going.
08:42Oh, come on, Ely.
08:44You got your speech with Mr. Drysdale?
08:46Yes, ma'am.
08:47One of the greatest speeches ever wrote.
08:50Four score and seven years ago,
08:52he was brought forth to this continent and new nation,
08:56conceived in liberty and dedicated to the preposition
08:58that all men are created equal.
09:01Why, dingies, that's a dandy speech.
09:03I'm proud of you.
09:05I didn't write it.
09:06That was written by Abraham Lincoln,
09:08the president that whooped us out.
09:10South was not whooped.
09:12Granny General Lee surrendered to General Grant.
09:15He did not.
09:17General Lee figured that Grant was a blacksmith,
09:19and he handed him his sword so he could sharpen it.
09:22And don't you will ever forget it.
09:29Oh, hello, Margaret.
09:30What?
09:32You want me to pick you up at the beauty shop?
09:33When?
09:35But, dear,
09:36you know I'm making the keynote address at the bankers' convention.
09:41All right, darling, I'll cut it short.
09:49Will you stay out of here, you nut?
09:52I'm sorry.
09:53I thought it was someone else.
09:54I'm terribly upset today.
09:56That's why we's all pitching in to help.
09:58Ellie here is going to take Miss Jane's place
10:00while Granny gets her well.
10:02No, you don't have to do that.
10:04What, no more than any neighbor do?
10:05Well, I do appreciate your kindness.
10:08I'm running late,
10:09so please make yourself comfortable.
10:11See you later.
10:11Oh, Mr. Drysdale,
10:12here's your speech.
10:14Oh, I didn't forget it, didn't I?
10:15Thank you, Jethro.
10:15Well, you were.
10:16Well, goodbye, all,
10:17and thanks again.
10:19Bye.
10:19Bye.
10:20He's gone, Paul.
10:22Reckon you're in charge now.
10:23Are you going to take his place, Uncle Jay?
10:25Sure going to try.
10:26Well, sit down to your desk and go to banking.
10:29I want to see how you're doing.
10:30Me too.
10:45Are you banking yet, Paul?
10:48No, I reckon not, Ellie.
10:50I'm just, uh, waiting to bank.
10:52How do you do it, Uncle Jeth?
10:54Well, according to Mr. Drysdale,
10:56banking is mostly, uh,
10:58giving people money when they need it.
11:00I'll get it, Paul.
11:01That's what a secretary's supposed to do.
11:04Howdy.
11:05This here's Mr. Drysdale's office,
11:07but Mr. Clampett's in charge now.
11:10Yes, sir.
11:11You bet you can.
11:14Howdy there.
11:15You need money?
11:16Well, come right on over and get it.
11:21I dig it.
11:22He's banking now, I imagine.
11:24Yeah.
11:25Yeah.
11:39Come in, Mr. North Cross.
11:43Gee, Mr. Bellington.
11:45Just call me Bob, doll.
11:48Was this going to be my new office?
11:50Bob doll?
11:52Could be, honey.
11:53I've been speaking to Milburn about you.
11:56Milburn?
11:56The president, baby.
11:58The president.
12:00Oh, Mr. Drysdale.
12:04Not a girl, oink.
12:07Oink?
12:08Just a term of affection, doll.
12:09It means I'm a hog about you.
12:12Oh, that's cute.
12:14I think.
12:15Well, now, listen, about tonight,
12:17this apartment where you live,
12:18uh, can you cook there?
12:19Well, I don't know.
12:20I've never tried.
12:22You got a stove?
12:22I think so.
12:24Well, how about a can opener?
12:26Oh, I know we've got one of those.
12:28I used it the other night
12:29to open a bottle of Wave set
12:30when we did our hair.
12:33Mothering me.
12:35Your mother lives with you?
12:37No, I live with her.
12:42Swell.
12:43You're rescuing the army of American citizens
12:46from the Dunkirk of financial difficulty.
12:51Let us take them aboard.
12:54That's enough, Jethro.
12:55No wonder Mr. Drysdale
12:57needed himself a speechwriter.
12:58That's pitiful.
13:00I didn't understand it.
13:02Me neither, and I'm a banker.
13:04Well, I reckon I'd best get out
13:06to Miss Hathaway's desk.
13:08I ain't sure I know what to do.
13:11Well, just watch others early
13:13and do like them.
13:14That's the way we learn.
13:15Yes, sir, Pop.
13:18Now, listen, honey,
13:19is your mother going to be home tonight?
13:20I hope we're going to set our hair again.
13:26Well, hello there.
13:29Hello there.
13:32Well, she's sitting at my desk.
13:34Get lost, honey, huh?
13:35But, Pop, no.
13:36Mr. Billington.
13:37Well, Mr. Billington.
13:38Wait, in the vault.
13:39What about tonight?
13:41Can I tell Mom you're coming by?
13:43Not tonight, honey.
13:43I don't need my hair set.
13:55Hey.
13:56Hey.
14:01This is going to be wild.
14:02Tell me something.
14:03You don't live with your mother, do you?
14:04No, sir, do you?
14:05No, sir.
14:06What's your name?
14:07Ellie May Clampett.
14:08Well, there it is, Ellie,
14:09and you may clamp it.
14:12You don't by any chance
14:14wrestle at night, do you?
14:15Oh, I like to wrestle anytime.
14:17Oh, Scooby-Doo.
14:19Well, Scooby-Doo,
14:20you want to wrestle now?
14:21Later, baby, later.
14:22Listen, suppose I drop over
14:23to your place tonight.
14:24Well, fine.
14:26You haven't got a roommate, have you?
14:27No, sir.
14:28I've got a room all to myself.
14:29Now, listen, here's the action.
14:31I swing by your pad about seven.
14:33I bring some bossa nova records
14:34and we trample a few grapes, huh?
14:36And we blast off to the local coffee shop,
14:37one where they don't hit me
14:38for too much bread.
14:39Then we swing back to your pad
14:40for a little moon orbit.
14:43Do you dig?
14:43Oh, yes, sir.
14:45Crazy.
14:46Whenever Paul goes fishing,
14:48I dig his words.
14:51You wouldn't put me on, would you?
14:53Why, sure.
14:54Jethro?
14:55I ain't tall enough
14:56to put you on myself,
14:57but Jethro can do it.
14:58What is this?
14:59Who's Jethro?
15:00Yeah, Ellie May?
15:01Uh, this little fellow
15:02wants to be put on something.
15:04Okay.
15:05Where would you want me
15:05to put you, little fellow?
15:06Oh, I'd like to be put
15:08on your list of friends.
15:12And now, gentlemen,
15:13it's with a great deal of pleasure
15:14that I introduce
15:15our keynote speaker,
15:17the distinguished president
15:18of the Commerce Bank
15:19of Beverly Hills,
15:20Mr. Milburn Drysdale.
15:29fellow bankers.
15:31Four score and seven years ago,
15:34our fathers brought forth
15:35upon this continent
15:36a new nation.
15:42Well, now,
15:44some of you seem to be amused
15:47because I have chosen
15:48the humble words
15:50of Abraham Lincoln
15:51to keynote this convention.
15:53But those of you
15:54who understand banking
15:55at its highest level
15:57will understand
15:58the significance
16:00of these words,
16:00as I say,
16:02conceived in liberty
16:03and dedicated
16:05to the proposition
16:06that all men
16:07are created equal.
16:22Paul,
16:23here's Mr. Wilson,
16:24the man that called you
16:25about borrowing money.
16:26Well,
16:26howdy there,
16:27Mr. Wilson.
16:28I'm pleased to meet you.
16:29Sit down,
16:29a spell.
16:30Well,
16:30thank you.
16:31Thank you, sir.
16:32Hey,
16:32have a smoke?
16:34Yes,
16:34thank you.
16:36And may,
16:36may Mr. Wilson
16:37like a nice cold pitcher
16:39of spring water
16:40or some coffee
16:40or tea
16:41or something?
16:41Would you,
16:42Mr. Wilson?
16:42No,
16:43no thanks,
16:43young lady.
16:45You look old
16:46tuckered out.
16:47Yes,
16:47I am.
16:48I,
16:48I've been going
16:49from bank to bank
16:50trying to borrow
16:50some money.
16:51Oh,
16:52didn't they have none?
16:53Well,
16:55none that they wanted
16:55to loan me.
16:57You see,
16:58Mr. Clampett,
16:58my chicken ranch
16:59is mortgaged
17:00to the hilt.
17:01I have no credit,
17:02no collateral.
17:03I need money
17:03to buy feed.
17:05Well,
17:05we got a vault
17:06full of it.
17:06How much money
17:07do you need?
17:13See,
17:13take him out
17:14to the vault
17:14and show him
17:15the money.
17:15No,
17:15no,
17:16would you
17:17really lend
17:18me the money?
17:18Well,
17:19that's what
17:19banks his fur,
17:20ain't it?
17:22Well,
17:23yes,
17:23but I,
17:25I'm poor.
17:26I have no security.
17:27Ain't no shame
17:28being poor
17:29as long as
17:29you're honest.
17:30How do you
17:31know I'm honest?
17:32Well,
17:32if you wasn't,
17:33you'd be telling me
17:33about how much
17:34you got
17:34instead of
17:35how much
17:35you ain't got.
17:37Mr. Clampett,
17:38I've,
17:38I've never met
17:39a banker
17:39like you before.
17:40Oh,
17:41shucks,
17:41Mr. Drysdale
17:42can outbank me
17:43any day in a week.
17:44He must be
17:44a wonderful man.
17:45You bet he is
17:46the best banker
17:47around here.
17:47Now,
17:48how much money
17:49would you like
17:49to have?
17:50Well,
17:51sir,
17:51I,
17:52I really need
17:54$5,000,
17:54but I,
17:55I can squeeze
17:56by on three
17:57or four.
17:58Really me?
17:59Go fetch
18:00this man
18:00$5,000.
18:01Yes,
18:02sir,
18:02Pop.
18:02Bring him
18:02a cup of
18:03that cider
18:04that Granny
18:04sent down
18:05to ward off
18:05sick benefits.
18:06Talkin'
18:07if he don't
18:07look like
18:07he's coming
18:08down with it.
18:09Hey,
18:09Pop.
18:10Hey,
18:11doll,
18:12I hear some square
18:12put the bite
18:13on your old man
18:13for a gang of bread.
18:14What?
18:15Well,
18:15he laid $5,000
18:16on him.
18:16Oh,
18:16you mean
18:17Mr. Wilson.
18:18That's a cat.
18:19How'd he get it?
18:19Well,
18:19he told Paul
18:20he needed it
18:21for his chickens.
18:22You're kidding.
18:22What would chickens
18:23do with all that money?
18:24It was for Mr. Wilson
18:25to buy a feed.
18:26He's got a chicken ranch.
18:28And your dad
18:28gave him $5,000
18:30for chicken feed?
18:31Why,
18:31sure.
18:32Paul's got $35 million.
18:36$35 million?
18:37And he likes folks
18:38that raise his critters.
18:40Do you think
18:40he's got time
18:41to see a young
18:41critter raiser?
18:43Well,
18:43sure.
18:44Go on in.
18:45I'll dig you later,
18:46Chuck.
18:49Mr. Clampett,
18:50sir,
18:50my name's Bob Billington,
18:51and your lovely daughter
18:52told me that you could
18:52spare me a few moments
18:53of your valuable time.
18:55You better wait,
18:55young fellow.
18:56What's on your mind?
18:56Well,
18:57sir,
18:57I work here at the bank,
18:58but my heart's back
18:59on the ranch.
19:00The chicken ranch,
19:01that is.
19:01Or was.
19:02Until I lost
19:03all of my chickens.
19:05Sweet little critters.
19:06How'd you lose them?
19:07Well,
19:07sir,
19:07I'm not sure.
19:08I just woke up
19:08one morning
19:09and they were gone.
19:10I guess one of them
19:10left the gate open.
19:12What kind of chickens
19:13were they?
19:13Just regular kind,
19:14you know,
19:15with the wings
19:15and the feathers
19:16and those crazy
19:16looking feet.
19:19Mr. Clampett,
19:19if I could just
19:20borrow $10,000,
19:21then I could get back
19:22into the business
19:23that I love,
19:24raising chickens.
19:25I see.
19:26How many chickens
19:27do you want to start with?
19:28Oh,
19:28about $10,000 worth.
19:30How many roosters?
19:31Oh,
19:31no roosters,
19:32just chickens.
19:32These days,
19:33you've got to specialize.
19:38Ellie Mae?
19:38Oh,
19:39howdy,
19:39Mr. Drysdale.
19:40How was your speech?
19:41Sensational.
19:42The high point
19:42of the convention.
19:43Listen,
19:44did a man named
19:44Wilson come in here
19:45to borrow some money?
19:46Yes, sir,
19:47and Pa gave him
19:47$5,000.
19:49Oh,
19:49bless him,
19:50that's what did it.
19:51Did what?
19:52Got me named
19:52Banker of the Year.
19:54They're putting a plaque
19:55in the lobby
19:55calling this
19:56the bank
19:56with a heart.
19:58How come?
19:59Well,
20:00six banks
20:00were secretly
20:01nominated for the honor.
20:02Wilson went to each bank
20:03and this is the only one
20:04that gave him money.
20:06Well,
20:06that poor man
20:07needed it.
20:08Wilson?
20:09Oh,
20:09he's the biggest
20:11poultry rancher
20:12in the world
20:12and a stockholder
20:13in all six banks.
20:16Oh,
20:16is your
20:17wonderful father
20:18still in there?
20:19Yes, sir.
20:21How about it,
20:22Mr. Clampett?
20:23I'm going to give you
20:23just what you need.
20:25Great,
20:25lay it on me.
20:26A little advice.
20:27Get back to your job
20:28and forget about chickens.
20:30You were born
20:31to command, sir.
20:32The voice of authority,
20:33the greatest
20:33I've ever heard.
20:34What about me?
20:36You are the only one
20:37who cuts him,
20:38Skipper.
20:39What a privilege it is
20:40for a young fellow
20:41like me to see
20:42two great leaders together.
20:43It's a summit meeting,
20:44recreated.
20:46Out of my office,
20:47out of my bank.
20:47You're fired.
20:48You're an irresponsible loafer.
20:50May I give you
20:50as a reference, sir?
20:52A pleasure having served
20:53under your command, sir.
20:58Granny,
20:59this here's Mr. Billington
21:00and he wants to court me.
21:02Is that true,
21:03young fellow?
21:04You'd ever love it is,
21:04Granny.
21:05Have you got sick benefits?
21:07Loaded with them.
21:10Open your mouth
21:11and close your eyes
21:13and Granny
21:13will give you
21:14a little surprise.
21:16Follow this.
21:19Hey, you know something?
21:20When I was in the Navy,
21:21I tasted some jungle juice
21:22on...
21:22No!
21:26Come look at me,
21:27young fellow.
21:29Good dancer, too.
21:31I reckon that's a new dancer.
21:33He's been born to teach her.
21:34It's called
21:34the Bossy Nova.
21:55But now it's time
21:56to say goodbye
21:57to Jed and all his kin.
21:59They would like to thank you folks
22:00for kindly dropping in.
22:02We're all invited back
22:03next week
22:04to this locality
22:05to have a heaping
22:07helping of their hospitality.
22:09Hillbilly, that is.
22:11Set a spell.
22:13Take your shoes off.
22:14Y'all come back now.
22:16Here?
22:17This has been
22:18a Filmways presentation.
22:19location.
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