- 23 hours ago
When a couple who ran into the Clampett's car discover that they're rich, they fake injuries and sue the Clampetts.
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00:00Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed
00:02A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed
00:05And then one day he was shooting at some food
00:08And up through the ground come a bumbling crude
00:11Oil, that is, black gold, Texas tea
00:16Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire
00:18The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there
00:21Said, California is the place you ought to be
00:24So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly
00:26Hills, that is, swimming pools, movie stars
00:31The Beverly Hillbillies
01:10Wonder how much money ought to draw out
01:11Don't forget, I need school supplies
01:13And I need vittles for my critters
01:15And I need vittles for you critters
01:21I reckon I might as well draw out enough money to last us a month or two
01:25I reckon $10 will do it
01:27I never could sleep a wink with all that money in the house
01:35I told you not to drive with that hangover
01:44Anybody hurt?
01:45I don't think so
01:47Well, no harm done, huh, kid?
01:49Well, not to your car, but you kind of bent our bumper
01:52I reckon I can straighten it out, though
02:06Atta boy
02:09You going in the bank, old-timer?
02:11Yes, sir, I was playing it, too
02:12Well, come with me, they know me here
02:14Maybe I can do you some good
02:17I hope you'll forgive my stupid husband
02:20Had a bad day yesterday with an axe
02:22And he got stoned last night
02:24So now he's got to borrow some money to pay off his bookie
02:27What's a bookie?
02:28A little rat called Sam the Collector
02:31Oh, Jim could only stay away from the horses
02:33Your husband likes horses, does he?
02:36Loves them, especially losers
02:40Jed says a man who likes animals can't be all bad
02:43Here comes Uncle Jed, Granny
02:45Well, let's be on the way
02:47Bye, ma'am, glad there was no harm done
02:49And so am I
02:55Bye
03:04What happened to you, fall down in there?
03:06Shut up and act
03:07Heard that old geezer's worth $35 million
03:10What?
03:12Faint
03:12We'll sue him for a bundle
03:21Ace of Johnson versus Clampett
03:24Are the plaintiffs ready?
03:26We are, Your Honor
03:27Are the defendants ready?
03:31Mr. Clampett
03:32Yes, sir
03:33Please rise when addressing the court
03:36Yes, sir, Your Court
03:37Your Honor
03:39Oh, just call me Jed
03:42Mr. Clampett, let me warn you
03:44That any attempt at humor will be dealt with severely
03:47You're being sued for $100,000
03:49Do you consider that funny?
03:51No, sir
03:52Oh, well
03:55Are you represented by counsel?
03:58Am I what? By who?
04:00You have an attorney
04:02A lawyer
04:03Oh, no, sir
04:04I see
04:05You're appearing in proper
04:09Do you have any objections?
04:10No, Your Honor
04:11Not hearing no objection
04:13I'll permit your defense
04:14Well, thank you, sir
04:17The plaintiff will make his opening statement
04:21Thank you, Your Honor
04:25Although my clients, the Johnsons
04:27Are really in no condition to appear today
04:31I have persuaded them to come to court
04:33So that Your Honor can see the carnage
04:37Reeked by this criminally careless family of hoodlums
04:41Oh, excuse me, young fellow
04:43But our name ain't hoodlum
04:44It's Clampett
04:45That's all, sir
04:46Granny, she's a Moses
04:47And Jethro, he's a Bodine
04:50He's my cousin Pearl's boy
04:52Pearl's back home right now
04:53With Jethro and his sister
04:55Trying to get her married
04:56She's 18 and still single
04:59That is enough
05:01That's the way my cousin Pearl feels
05:03A girl passes 18
05:04And her chances of getting a husband
05:06Now, Mr. Clampett
05:08Will you please be quiet?
05:10I'm going to excuse yourself, Bursa
05:12Because apparently you're unfamiliar
05:13With court procedure
05:15However
05:16One more infraction
05:18And I will hold you in contempt
05:19You be seated
05:25Proceed, Counselor
05:26As I was saying, Your Honor
05:29I have prevailed upon my clients
05:31To appear today
05:32Although at the cost of
05:34Great personal suffering to themselves
05:37Bailiff, if you please
05:59Is them the people that run into us?
06:01It sure is
06:02What you reckon happened to them?
06:04I'm terrible by the looks of them
06:06Let's go see if Kim will comfort them
06:10Your Honor
06:11Protect my clients
06:12From these ruffians
06:14You've got a terrible memory for names
06:16We's Clampett
06:17Except for a friend
06:17I get them
06:18Mr. Clampett
06:19I declare you in contempt of this court
06:22And I'm going to give you a fine
06:24Of $100
06:25Well, thank you
06:26But I didn't do nothing
06:27To earn no $100
06:31The fine of $100 is suspended
06:34Now, please
06:35Take your seats
06:42The attorney for the plaintiffs will proceed
06:45Your Honor
06:46The maimed and broken bodies of my clients
06:49Speak more eloquently than any words of mine
06:52In condemning the criminal actions
06:55Of this lawless family
06:57What do you call us that time?
06:59Lawless?
07:00I know a family named Lawless
07:02Awful nice folks
07:04Raised pigs
07:08You approve, Your Honor
07:09That on the day and date
07:11Set forth in the complaint
07:12Said defendants
07:14Did willfully and maliciously
07:15Crash into the plaintiff's car
07:17Inflicting upon the bodies of the plaintiffs
07:20Numerous and grievous injuries
07:22For which we ask the court
07:24To award damages
07:25In the amount of $100,000
07:28To said plaintiffs
07:31He can't even remember the Johnsons
07:33He keeps calling them the plaintiffs
07:35I know two ways about it
07:37When it comes to recollecting names
07:38That young fella's pitiful
07:41I want you to tell the court
07:43In your own words
07:44Exactly what happened
07:46Well, Mrs. Johnson and I
07:48Had just driven up to the bank
07:49Where I hoped to borrow some money
07:51For my favorite charity
07:53The horse lovers
07:55Of America
07:59Although we've been married
08:00For 20 years
08:01Mrs. Johnson and I
08:03Are still
08:05Very affectionate
08:10Beceed in your testimony
08:12Mr. Johnson
08:14Well
08:15Being affectionate as we are
08:17We sat in the car
08:18For a few moments
08:19To speak of our love
08:21I love you
08:22Jim Johnson
08:23I love you
08:25Mabel
08:25What other man
08:26Would borrow the money
08:27To help those poor old horses
08:29On their way
08:29To the glue factory
08:30I do what my heart
08:32Tells me
08:35Mabel
08:36What is it, Angel?
08:38There's an old truck
08:39Carreaning down the street
08:40Out of control
08:44Oh, Jim
08:45He's having strength for us
08:47Well, have no fear
08:48I'll protect you, darling
08:54That's the last I remember, Your Honor
08:56Those monsters crashing into us
08:59In an alcoholic stupor
09:02Fine, please
09:05Court is recessed for 10 minutes
09:08Who you reckon smacked into them people like that?
09:11I don't know
09:12But they was driving something called a stupor
09:14What do we drive, dear, through?
09:16I ain't sure
09:17But I think it's called a studs
09:19If we wasn't there
09:20We could have helped him
09:23Excuse me, mister
09:23How do you get to the playground?
09:26Playground?
09:26Oh, yes, sir
09:27He just called recess
09:33Your Honor
09:33Please, sir
09:34Mr. Judge
09:35Yes, Mr. Clamid
09:37Do you wish to question Mr. Johnson?
09:39Oh, no, sir
09:40That poor woman's been through trouble enough
09:41I just want to say that me and my family here
09:44Is right good at tracking and trailing and hunting
09:46And we'd be right pleasured
09:48If you'd let us go out and hunt down them rascals
09:50That was so mean to the Johnson
09:52Mr. Clamid
09:53Do you expect the court to take those remarks seriously?
09:56Well, I reckon I did brag a little too strong on us
09:59But if we can't catch them
10:00We got a hound dog named Old Duke
10:03He can follow our trail a month old
10:05That's right again
10:06Why, you just give Old Duke to Sandy
10:08Why, after
10:09Is it possible that you people don't realize
10:13That you are the accused?
10:14What do you mean?
10:16You are the folks
10:17Who caused these injuries to the Johnsons
10:19Us?
10:20Who says, sir?
10:22They do
10:22That's a dad-bleem lie
10:24We hope it's even five
10:26Bill, let's restrain these people
10:27You know you restrain
10:29No, you want to die
10:31Please, please
10:33You want to die
10:46If you ask me
10:48This is a heck of a place to spend recess
10:51That fella said he put us in here to cool off
10:53It's hotter in here than it is in there
10:57Well, there's one good thing
10:58He's going to give each one of us a hundred dollars
11:00Fine
11:01Guess what I say
11:02Fine and dandy
11:10Dad, you look like you're counting hairs on a hog's back
11:14What you studying on?
11:16I'm studying on this whole situation, Granny
11:18Why would the Johnsons haul off and say we'd done something that we didn't?
11:22Well, maybe they stepping to get the money
11:24Maybe they's tits
11:26I agree with Ellie
11:27The way I got it figured, that accident they had knocked their memories loose
11:31I could have
11:32The way they's bandaged up, they must have took some awful hard knocks
11:37Granny, supposing you make some poultices for the Johnsons
11:40Then that'll draw the herd out of their heads and they'll be able to remember what smashed into them
11:45I'll do it, kid
11:46And I'll whop up a great big dose of wretch weed tonic
11:50There ain't nothing like wretch weed to get you speaking straight
11:53All right, folks
11:54Judge adjourned court till after lunch
11:57And then he wants you all back in that courtroom on your very best behavior
12:02He said he'd suspend your hundred dollar fines
12:05There he goes, spending our money again
12:16I'm gonna ask the court for a judgment by default
12:19Those hillbillies aren't coming back
12:21They've probably left town
12:23Hope we didn't keep you folks waiting
12:25We hurried the best we could
12:26Didn't even stop to eat
12:28For a piece over to our place
12:29You clearly got a lot of fixing to do
12:31And you're gonna feel a heap different when I get done with you
12:34How dare you threaten my clients
12:36Bad
12:37Quieting down, little man
12:38Ain't nobody threatening nobody
12:41They're back, Your Honor
12:45All rise
12:54You can uncover the bridge
12:55But keep the lid on the baked pots
12:57Well, how about the chitlin?
12:59They ain't just as good cold
13:00Smells good, don't it, Judge?
13:03We'd be a right pleasure to have you join us
13:05Everybody, we got plenty
13:07Thank you, that is very nice of you
13:10Oh, hot call
13:11You realize how long you've kept this court waiting?
13:14Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Judge
13:16But we'd done the best we could
13:17Granny was working like a whirlwind
13:19Baking possum, cooking grits, making tonic
13:24I am not interested in what Granny has been doing
13:27I wouldn't rile her up if I was you, Judge
13:30Not on an empty stomach
13:31Granny gets right on her when she ain't eat all day
13:34I am also not interested in her dietary
13:37Idiot increases
13:39Bailiff, remove that food from this courtroom
13:41Hold on!
13:43We's hungry!
13:44It's not your own fault for being late
13:47I wouldn't say too much about being late if I was you
13:50This is the second time today you've come in here in your nightgown
13:59Granny, I understand that you make very good moonshine whiskey
14:03I call it my rheumatism medicine
14:09I see
14:10But it is quite potent
14:13Quite strong
14:15Well, you don't want to stand too close to a fire when you uncork it
14:23Yes, well, now then, Granny
14:25Do you sometimes carry a jug of this rheumatism medicine around with you?
14:30Take it on trips, say?
14:32Only when I get my twinges
14:35Well, were you having twinges the day you and your family crashed into the Johnsons?
14:39No, and we didn't
14:41That's all, thank you
14:42Mr. Clampett, how many guns do you have in your home?
14:46Well, Granny's shotgun, a Jethro's lever action, my pistol, my squirrel rifle
14:51Uh, you needn't go on, Mr. Clampett
14:54That's, uh, quite an arsenal you have
14:56Thank you
14:58You're used to carrying a gun, aren't you?
15:00I've been toting a squirrel rifle since I was knee-high to a jackrabbit
15:05And I understand you're quite a good shot
15:07Back where I come from, if you didn't shoot good, you didn't eat
15:11I see you shot only for food
15:13Yes, sir
15:14And you were very poor
15:16Yes, sir
15:17And then oil was discovered on your land
15:20And you became very, very wealthy and moved to Beverly Hills
15:24Yes, sir
15:26But isn't it a fact, Mr. Clampett, that in spite of all your millions
15:31You are still frequently seen carrying a gun?
15:35Yes, sir, you see
15:35Now, just answer the question, yes or no
15:39Do you, to this day, frequently carry a gun?
15:43Yes, sir
15:44Were you carrying a gun the day you and your family crashed into the Johnsons?
15:48No, sir, and we didn't
15:49That's all, thank you
15:52Step down
15:55No, sir
15:58What do you mean, no, sir?
16:01I ain't stepping down
16:02Not until I've said a few things
16:03Your Honor, I object
16:06Now, Counselor, I have been very lenient with your conduct of this case
16:10Just as I've been very lenient with the conduct of the defendants
16:14However, since Mr. Clampett hears the defendant and will bear the financial burden if judgment is against him
16:19The court wishes to hear anything that is relevant and pertinent to this case
16:24Yes, Your Honor
16:26Well, Mr. Clampett
16:28Let us hear what you have to say
16:30Well, thank you
16:31Well, to begin with
16:32There ain't nobody told a real story about what happened the day the Johnsons backed into us
16:37I object, Your Honor
16:39There has not been one shred of evidence or testimony
16:43Supporting the allegation that my clients backed into the defendants
16:47That is very true, Counselor
16:49Perhaps now we might have it
16:51In the meantime, you be seated
16:54Yes, Your Honor
16:56Now, you may proceed, Mr. Clampett
16:58Realizing, of course, that you're still under oath to tell the truth
17:01Well, Your Honor, I learned how to tell the truth so long ago
17:04I reckon it's become a habit
17:06And what with making a promise on the good book, I'm going to be extra careful
17:10Proceed
17:12Well, me and my family drove down to the bank
17:21And then we drove on home, and that's the last receipt of the Johnsons
17:24Until somebody had come to the house and told us to come down here to the courtroom
17:29You may cross-examine
17:34Well, that's quite a story you told, Mr. Clampett
17:37Very simple and very sweet
17:40Just the truth, like I promised
17:42You're innocent of all these charges against you, aren't you?
17:46You've nothing to hide
17:47That's right
17:48Then why, Mr. Clampett, did you not answer the summons and complaints served upon you by the county marshal?
17:55Summons and complaints?
17:56That is right, complaint
18:03This is a complaint, Mr. Clampett
18:06In fact, it's a copy of the one delivered into your hands
18:10Is that a complaint?
18:12It is
18:12Why didn't you answer it?
18:15Would you mind reading that first line there?
18:22The people of the state of California send greetings to J.D. Clampett
18:28That just didn't seem like no complaint to us
18:32And as for answering it, well, Jethro says there's pertinent to 18 million people in California
18:38We just couldn't hardly see how we could get around to greeting them all back
18:45Any further questions?
18:48Not right now, Your Honor
18:50We'll recess for 30 minutes after which we'll hear final argument
19:04All rise
19:16Council of plaintiffs ready for his final summation?
19:21Uh, yes, yes, Your Honor
19:23Uh, Your Honor, sir, uh, Mr. Judge
19:26Could I say something that might save us all a lot of time?
19:30You have any objections?
19:32Uh, no, no, Your Honor
19:34Proceed, Mr. Clampett
19:36Uh, well, sir, uh, if it's all right with you
19:42I'd like to go ahead and, uh, give that $100,000 to the Johnsons
19:48Do you admit the claims made by the Johnsons?
19:51Well, no, sir, it don't
19:52But, uh, he deserves the money
19:54And I can afford to give it to him more if he needs it
19:58Would you mind telling the court why you think he deserves it?
20:01Well, Your Honor
20:02I got a daughter here, Ellie May
20:05And I reckon she means more to me than just about anything in the world
20:09And during the recess, when, uh, I seen Mr. Johnson with his daughter
20:13And seen how much he loved her
20:15Just like I do Ellie May
20:16Well, it kind of tore at my heart
20:19What daughter?
20:21Shut up
20:21There he was in his wheelchair in that little room across the hall
20:25And in walked this beautiful girl with the long red hair
20:28And I knowed right away she was his daughter
20:30Because she walked up to him and she says
20:32How's it going, Daddy?
20:35Judge, Your Honor
20:36With no nurse to help him
20:38That brave man got to his feet
20:40And stood there straight and tall
20:42So she wouldn't see he was suffering
20:44And he hugged her and he kissed her
20:46And right then is where I found out
20:48She was a heap like my daughter
20:50To find a critter
20:51Because he said
20:53Marsha, darling
20:54When I get this $100,000
20:56I'm going to take you to Mexico
20:57And we're going to watch the ponies run
21:01Sir, you're taking enough for that plan
21:04Mabel, Mabel, Mabel, Mabel, Mabel
21:06Your Honor, these developments surprised me as they did you
21:10I asked to be relieved from the case at once
21:12Request granted
21:14This court finds for the defendant
21:17Bill, bring those plaintiffs back into this court immediately
21:21They're to be held for perjury
21:39But now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin
21:43And they would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in
21:46You're all invited back next week to this locality
21:50To have a heaping helping of their hospitality
21:54Hillbilly, that is
21:55Set a spell
21:57Take your shoes off
21:58Y'all come back now, dear
22:12This has been a Filmways presentation
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