- 1 day ago
Jack's guest is 6'6" Western star Clint Walker, who sings a song and banters with Jack. Jack is insulted when the gigantic Walker snubs Jack's suggestion.
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00:00From Hollywood, the Jack Benny Program, with Jack's special guest, Clint Walker.
00:30Thank you, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show.
00:41Now, if I look a little tired tonight, it's because I was up until 3 o'clock this morning working on my autobiography.
00:51That's true, I'm writing the story of my life, you see.
00:55And if I do say it myself, it's going to be very good.
00:58Of course, my publisher told me that in order for a book to sell, you should have an exciting title.
01:08So I was going to call it, at first I was going to call it The Valiant Years.
01:16But then it seems that some fellow in England beat me to that one.
01:22Then I wanted to call it Crusade in Show Business.
01:26Then I heard that that's similar to Mr. Eisenhower's book.
01:31So finally, we came up with a wonderful idea that'll really sell it.
01:36I mean, no title.
01:38No title at all.
01:40Just a nude girl on the cover.
01:42So I have to go home tonight and work real late because I have to finish the book.
01:56You see, we've already sold 4,000 covers.
01:58And you should see her picture, the picture of this girl.
02:06I mean, we, in order to get by the censors, you know, they had to put her in a rocking chair like Whistler's mother.
02:16Whatever she's knitting, she better do it fast and get it on.
02:19But, you know, it isn't easy to write an autobiography, an interesting one, if you've never experienced poverty.
02:36Now, like, it was hard for me to write it because I was never poor.
02:42My parents were, but I wasn't.
02:50And you should really read this book because it takes you way back right to the date of my birth, which was February 14th.
02:59Of course, in those days, February 14th didn't mean anything, you know.
03:05But eight years later, it became Valentine's Day.
03:12But anyway, I know you'll enjoy it.
03:15It has a lot of goodies in this book, you know, wonderful information and everything.
03:19And now to get on with the show, I'd like to present my guest star.
03:23A young man who's been doing a lot of wonderful things in the movies.
03:27And I'm sure all of you Western fans will recognize him immediately as a star of his own television series, Cheyenne.
03:36And here he is, Clint Walker.
03:52Jack, it's nice to be here.
03:57Thank you, Clint.
04:00I'd, uh, I'd love to, I'd love to shake hands with you, but we checked into it.
04:06And it's not covered by my accident policy.
04:11Well, honestly, Jack, I don't think you've got a thing to worry about.
04:14Actually, I'm a very gentle person.
04:16This hand can pick up a peach and not even must the fuzz.
04:19Now, come on, what do you say?
04:24Well, all right.
04:28Gee, he is gentle, you know.
04:30And I'm glad, too, because this is the hand I use to bow my violin.
04:35Ow!
04:35Jack, I'm sorry.
04:40Honestly, uh, call it an involuntary reflex or something.
04:44I'm sorry.
04:44I've got to call it something.
04:45I mean, the last person who shook hands with me like that was Yasha Heifetz.
04:51But, Clint, come here to me.
04:57I want to tell you something.
04:59I'm telling you that I'm very happy you're on the show and that I'm a big fan of yours.
05:03Well, thank you very much, Jack.
05:05Say, by the way, I heard you telling the audience about the new book you're writing,
05:08your, uh, autobiography, and I think there's something you ought to know.
05:12What's that?
05:13Well, actually, we have a lot in, uh, common.
05:15There's quite a parallel there.
05:17You and I have a lot in common?
05:18Like what, for instance?
05:19Well, for instance, even though I, uh, play Western characters,
05:23I was born and raised in the state of Illinois.
05:26Say, then you're right.
05:28I was born in Illinois.
05:29That's right.
05:30And, uh, I was a seaman for three years.
05:33You were in the Navy?
05:34Well, so was I.
05:35It's amazing.
05:35I was in the Navy, too.
05:37And, uh, I also have blue eyes.
05:41Let's see.
05:42Wait a minute.
05:43Let's see.
05:43Let's see.
05:48They are blue.
06:06That he didn't expect.
06:07Well, I tell you, we, I must, you know, it's amazing, though, isn't it?
06:15Here, we were both born in Illinois.
06:18We were both in the Navy.
06:19Both have blue eyes.
06:21How old are you?
06:22Thirty-six.
06:28Well, there, we miss a little.
06:32If it'll make you feel any better, I'm almost thirty-seven.
06:34I wouldn't feel any better if you were almost sixty-three.
06:42Make you feel any better.
06:44Now, Clint, but listen, you should buy my book.
06:48Oh, I intend to.
06:49I've already got the cover.
06:53I told you.
06:55Going like hotcakes, you know?
06:57Say, Clint, I want to ask you something about westerns.
07:01That's your business.
07:01You see, western, you know, I'm a western fan.
07:04I like them.
07:05But they seem to be getting more popular every year.
07:09I can hardly understand it.
07:10And even the, the, the old western films on television are so good.
07:15They go on and on and on.
07:17Now, why, why is that?
07:19Well, I think one reason is because westerns are never dated, Jack.
07:23Not dated?
07:23What do you mean?
07:24Well, for example, can you tell the difference between a, a 1912 and a 1964 horse?
07:29Gee, I, I, I never thought of that.
07:42You know, you have to be careful nowadays when you're going to a used horse lot.
07:50That was good, wasn't it?
07:52That was very, very good.
07:54I ad-libbed that, you know.
07:55You know, uh, you know what an ad-lib is, don't you?
07:59Well, yeah.
08:00That's when you step outside the script and louse up the whole show.
08:03I don't, for a fella who has spent most of his life saying they went that-a-way, he's pretty funny.
08:19Now, Clint, I think we've stood out here and talked long enough.
08:24How about singing your song for the folks?
08:26Well, Jack, I'm a little worried about that.
08:28Well, now, don't be so modest.
08:31You, you sing better than George Burns or anybody.
08:34You do.
08:35Really, you, you, you have a beautiful voice.
08:37I know you can sing.
08:39Well, it's-
08:40I heard you sing it in, in your own show, Cheyenne.
08:43Well, that's different, Jack.
08:44It's amazing what you can get away with when you've got a whole tribe of Indians whooping and howling in the background.
08:48Well, I suppose so.
08:52Anyway, you go ahead and don't worry about it.
08:55Go over on the set and I'll set up your song for you.
08:58Go over and sing it.
08:58All right.
08:59Okay.
09:00Okay.
09:08I wonder, I wonder what those Indians are doing on Saturday night.
09:14I have to give a violin concert.
09:16Every day, along about evening, when the sunlight's beginning to fail,
09:37I ride through the slumbering shadows, along the Navajo trail.
09:48When it's night and crickets are calling, and coyotes are making a wail,
09:58I dream by a smoldering fire, along the Navajo trail.
10:09I love to lie and listen to the music, when the wind is strumming a sagebrush guitar.
10:17When over yonder hill the moon is climbing, it always finds me wishing on a star.
10:28Well, what do you know, it's morning already, there's the dawning, so silver and pale.
10:39It's time to climb into my saddle, and ride the Navajo trail.
10:48And ride the Navajo trail.
10:53I love it.
11:17I love it.
11:21It's silly for you to worry.
11:22You sang beautifully.
11:24Jack, thank you very much.
11:26Well, I guess I'd better be going.
11:27We're going to start a new picture in a couple of days.
11:30They want me to be down at the studio for the casting.
11:32Oh, you're starting a new picture?
11:34That's right.
11:35And we're really excited about it.
11:37It's a very fine story.
11:39Well, could you get a part in it for me?
11:46There's only one part.
11:47It's a part of my brother.
11:48I'll take it.
11:52Well, unfortunately, Jack,
11:54it happens to be the part of my twin brother.
12:02Couldn't you play it sitting down?
12:07No, I'm afraid not.
12:09Well, then I guess my height lets me out, huh?
12:13Well, I wouldn't feel too bad about it, Jack,
12:16if it wasn't, that'd be something else.
12:23Tells me not to feel too bad about it.
12:26Well, anyway, thanks very, very much.
12:29Jack, thank you.
12:31Goodbye.
12:31I'll be seeing you.
12:31I'd give anything to be in that picture with him,
12:43but that's always been my luck.
12:45Now, I'm too short to play Clint's twin brother,
12:49and I'm too tall for Toulouse-Lautrec.
12:51Would you stand up, please?
13:02I appreciate you gentlemen coming down for this audition,
13:05but the part we're trying to cast in this picture
13:07is Clint Walker's twin brother.
13:10Therefore, I'm afraid we can't use you two.
13:14I'm sorry.
13:15However, would you wait around?
13:17Thanks.
13:18Mr. Walker will be here in a few minutes
13:19to run over the scene with you.
13:20In the meantime, could I have your name?
13:22Uh, Houston.
13:23Pete Houston.
13:24Thanks.
13:25Say, I'm sorry I was late,
13:26but I was delayed at the Jack Benny show.
13:28You sure were.
13:29You said you were only gonna do a few minutes.
13:31Yeah, I know, but after he introduced me,
13:34he kept me there for the whole routine.
13:35I had to sing a song and everything.
13:37Holy smoke.
13:37What does he want, blood?
13:38Well, I had to give him a couple of pints of that
13:40before the show started.
13:43You're kidding.
13:44No, no.
13:45As a matter of fact, it says right in the contract
13:47when you're a guest star on the Benny show,
13:49you have to give him jokes, music, and a transfusion.
13:54Well, I was here and I was busy,
13:55so I missed the show.
13:56How'd it go?
13:57Oh, pretty good, I guess.
13:59I, uh, threw in quite a few ad libs.
14:02You know what an ad lib is, don't you?
14:04That's when you step outside the script
14:06and save the whole show.
14:07Hey, by the way, Clint,
14:13I want you to meet Pete Houston.
14:14We're going to audition him
14:16to play the part of your brother.
14:17Well, fine.
14:17He certainly looks big enough.
14:19Should we get started?
14:20Yeah, let's go.
14:21Come on.
14:21All right, you fellows,
14:22let's get ready for this scene now.
14:25I'll beg your pardon, Mr. Bentley.
14:26Yes?
14:26Another actor just came in
14:28and would like to audition for the part.
14:29If he's the right type,
14:30he can, uh,
14:31he can have the next audition.
14:33Send him in.
14:33You may come in now.
15:00Would you, uh,
15:02step down here a minute, please?
15:03How do you do?
15:14Howdy, partner.
15:18Would you mind giving me your name, please?
15:20My name, Morgan.
15:22My name, Tex Morgan.
15:24Tex Morgan, eh?
15:25Yep.
15:27And I'm here to audition for that part.
15:30No use trying anybody else
15:31because I'm all set for it.
15:34How tall are you?
15:36Well, I don't rightly know,
15:38but, uh,
15:39every time I go riding on my Pinto,
15:41he has to wear elevator horseshoes.
15:43Now, uh,
15:50in this edition,
15:51you play the part of Clint Walker's brother.
15:54I know.
15:55Tex Morgan,
15:56I want you to meet Clint Walker.
15:57I can't say as I recognize the name,
16:05but there's something mighty familiar
16:06about that spongy handshake.
16:12I don't think we've ever met,
16:15hombre.
16:15Maybe not, cowboy.
16:23Where are you from?
16:25Where I'm from?
16:26Here's my card.
16:31Lazy L,
16:32crooked T,
16:33triple star,
16:34smoking S,
16:34rattlesnake creek ranch.
16:37You ever heard of it?
16:39Not all of it.
16:40I left out Hillcrest.
16:52Now, look, fellas,
16:53might as well get this thing rolling now
16:55because I've got to leave town.
16:57I'm playing in a rodeo.
16:59A rodeo?
17:01Where's it going to be?
17:02He says Cheyenne,
17:03so help me,
17:04I'll ad-lib a bullet right between his eyes.
17:08What'd you say, shorty?
17:11Uh, look, friend,
17:12if it's all right with you,
17:13uh, can we get on with this?
17:15Sure.
17:15What I gotta do?
17:16Well, nothing yet.
17:17There's a gentleman ahead of you.
17:19Well,
17:20he better be good.
17:21That's all I got.
17:22I don't know why
17:22you're auditioning anybody else.
17:24I'm perfect for the part.
17:25Look,
17:26would you please sit down?
17:31All right,
17:32but remember,
17:33I'm next.
17:35All right, fellas,
17:36let's get on with it now.
17:37Now, this is the scene
17:38where you three fellas
17:38are playing cards
17:39with Clint's brother.
17:41Now, um,
17:42get your chairs in
17:43just a little bit closer,
17:44would you please?
17:45That's it.
17:45Home,
17:46a home on the ring
17:48Near any antelope plain
17:51Where never's a word
17:54A discouraging word
17:56Or something
17:58Some words
17:58Why, uh,
18:03I'm only trying to get in the mood
18:05You watch Mr. Houston here
18:08because this is the part
18:09you're gonna be auditioning for.
18:10All right, fellas.
18:12Now, let's start the scene.
18:13Ready?
18:15Action!
18:16Give me two cards.
18:18I'll take one.
18:20Two.
18:22And three to the dealer.
18:24Wait a minute,
18:25I saw that.
18:25You're dealing
18:26from the bottom of the deck.
18:27All right, drop those guns.
18:30There'll be no shooting.
18:31This is my twin brother
18:32and I aim to see
18:33he gets a fair fight.
18:35Okay.
18:36Okay.
19:06Two.
19:06Two.
19:20One.
19:29No.
19:30One.
19:31One.
19:32You're a jerk.
19:32Two.
19:32Two.
19:35Not too many
19:35Oh, my God.
20:05Oh, my God.
20:35Oh, my God.
21:05Oh, my God.
21:35Okay, Morgan, you're next.
21:41Where you going, Morgan?
22:04I just found out they're making a sequel to Toulouse-Lautrec.
22:09And Tim Walker will be back and jump them off.
22:22But first, these souls are guaranteed for a year.
22:37Well, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
22:42I hope you all enjoyed the show.
22:43Once again, I'd like to bring out my guest star, Clint Walker.
22:51It was a great pleasure having you on the show.
22:54Jack, it was a lot of fun.
22:56Good.
22:56I heard him.
23:12You see, there was an involuntary reflex I got when I thought of how much I was paying him.
23:17Well, good night, folks, and I'll be seeing you soon.
24:06¶¶
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