- 23 hours ago
Jethro needs a health certificate for school and accidentally visits Mrs. Drysdale's psychiatrist, Dr. Eugene Twombly. The psychiatrist struggles to analyze Jethro, and later Pearl Bodine, leading to misunderstandings, including Pearl thinking her virtue is threatened when asked to lie on his couch.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed
00:02A poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed
00:05And then one day he was shooting at some food
00:08And up through the ground come a bubble and crude
00:11Oil, that is, black gold, Texas tea
00:16Well, the first thing you know, old Jed's a millionaire
00:18The kinfolk said, Jed, move away from there
00:21Said, California is the place you ought to be
00:24So they loaded up a truck and they moved to Beverly
00:26Hills, that is, swimming pools, movie stars
00:31The Beverly Hillbillies
01:04Can I help you, Granny?
01:05Sure can, Ellie, I must be getting old
01:07This clothes basket is heavier than a bucket full of hogs' livers
01:16Don't touch it, it's ranted
01:19I bet you little Jasper crawled in there to get warm
01:22Who in tarnation is little Jasper?
01:32Ain't he cute, Granny?
01:35I declare it not a pussycat
01:36Only this one's all broke out with spots
01:39This here little fella is what you call a jaguar
01:42Where'd he come from?
01:45Critter doctor drove to zoo
01:46Said he comes all the way from South America
01:49Down Louisiana way
01:50Nice country
01:52He said, we'll bring you home to wing
01:55He says, I got away with critters
01:57You better get away with this one before your paw sees it
02:01He's getting a craw full of you dragging home them critters
02:04Where is paw?
02:05Out front, sold in shoes
02:08Come on, little Jasper
02:09I better hide you, Granny
02:28Jed, I'm back!
02:30Well, it's me, Pearl
02:32Don't you want to kiss me?
02:33Just didn't want to nail us together, Pearl
02:37Goodbye, doggies
02:38It's good to see you
02:39It's good to be here
02:40I thought I heard Pearl's voice
02:43Get it!
02:43Pearl, Mr. Granny!
02:46You old rascal, you, you're surprised
02:48Just call things back home
02:50Fine as frogs' hair
02:51Why didn't you let us know you was coming?
02:53We'd met you at the airport
02:54Oh, that is for the surprise
02:56Besides, I didn't want to take the airport out of school
02:58And Mr. Drysdale offered his limousine and livered chauffeur
03:03Thanks a heap
03:06Hey, Pearl!
03:07Pearl! I mean, man, it's good to see you
03:10Well, tell us all about Jeffrey and getting married
03:13Did you have a big fancy wedding in your parlor?
03:16Sure she did
03:17Pearl's been planning that for years
03:19It didn't quite come off the way I planned it
03:22What happened?
03:24You know, I had Jeffrey and all set to marry Albert Ledbetter
03:27That tall spring bean of undertake over to Ripley
03:30Good steady fella, Al
03:32Best undertaker in the old county?
03:34Only undertaker in the county
03:35Nice fella, too
03:38Oh, Granny
03:39I wish you could have seen the way he decorated my parlor
03:43Well, you couldn't look for the flowers
03:47They weren't all strictly fresh, mind you
03:50And some of them still had the black ribbon, so
03:54Oh, flowers is flowers
03:56Well, never was one to waste nothing
04:00Well, what happened, Aunt Pearl?
04:02Didn't cousin Jeffrey marry up with Undertaker?
04:06Stood him up, loped with another man
04:09There goes my free funeral
04:12Well, tell me, Pearl, who's Jeffrey and Lope with?
04:14That drummer from Joplin, Jasper Dubuque
04:17Why, he weren't no more than half her size
04:20I reckon love ain't measured by a yardstick, Grainy
04:24And they do look happy
04:26Sent me a snapshot from Turnersville
04:33That old Al, that better take it, Pearl
04:35It'll just reach and stand him up like that
04:37Took it right nasty, Jed
04:39He backed his hearse up to the door
04:41And hauled away every single flower
04:43Where'd he take him?
04:44Straight over to Elverna Bradshaw's parlor
04:46He up and married her daughter
04:48Before them flowers could wilt
04:50Well, there was one that wastes nothing
04:52Hello, Jed, I gotta help
04:54Hello, son
04:56Ma!
04:57Coming to you
04:58Jed, don't put me down
05:00Jepro, what are you doing home from school
05:03In the middle of the morning?
05:04Did you hear your ma was coming home?
05:06No, Uncle Jed
05:06They just found out over at school
05:08That I ain't got no certificate of health
05:09What's that?
05:11That's something that says that I'm healthy
05:12I say you're healthy
05:14Now, go on back to school
05:15You better have an examination first, Granny
05:17Stay out your tongue
05:19You're healthy
05:20Get back to school
05:23Granny, I reckon he's gotta be examined by a doctor
05:26I've been doctoring better than 60 years
05:28It's gotta be a doctor that's what they call a M.D.
05:32What does that stand for?
05:33Mr. Doctor, I reckon
05:35Well, I'm an M.D.
05:37Mrs. Doctor
05:39Granny, maybe he ought to do like the school says, hmm?
05:47City doctors
05:52Trouble is, we don't know no doctors
05:54Well, I know the critter doctor over to the zoo
05:58Jepro's a human being, Ellie Mae
06:00Thank you, Ma
06:03Why don't we ask Ms. Drysdale?
06:05I hear tell she's been to every doctor in Beverly Hills
06:08Hey, Marie the maid told me about a doctor she's been going to for seven years
06:12He must be a crackerjack
06:14What's his name?
06:15Uh, let me think
06:16Uh, it commences with a D
06:22I got it!
06:23Dr. Twombly
06:25Twombly don't commence with a D
06:27Well, doctor does
06:31Jepro, you run upstairs and, and take a bath and put on some clean underwear and, and get over and
06:38see him
06:38Okay, Ma
06:40I sure hope Dr. Twombly don't examine his brains
06:48Doctor, this is Jethro Bodine
06:53Howdy
06:55How are you Jethro?
06:56Uh, make yourself comfortable on the couch
06:58Thank you
07:05Well, would you, uh, like to tell me all about yourself and why you're here?
07:10Well, why I'm here is that I can't go to school till I get examined by you
07:14Yes
07:15Just lie back and relax
07:17Well, thank you
07:21Now, suppose you tell me about this problem you're having at school
07:25Well, my biggest problem is staying awake while the teacher's talking
07:30Well, that might be nothing more than a benign subconscious rejection of authority represented by the teacher
07:36It doesn't mean that you necessarily lack interest or capability or intelligence
07:43Above all, you mustn't let this cause you any distress
07:46Together, we will probe into the underlying causations and
07:59So good to feel needed
08:07Ellie
08:08This little critter just scared the living daylights out of your Aunt Pearl
08:12Now, something tells me it just might be yours
08:16Awful sorry, Pa
08:17I plumb forgot I hit him in Aunt Pearl's dress or drawer
08:20He just loves to get in between his clothes and snooze
08:24Give me a terrible start, Ellie
08:25I thought it was a fur muffin
08:27Start to stick my hand in any bit right down on it
08:30Oh, I let out a yell, I can tell you
08:32Pearl, I hear you clean down to the seaman pond
08:35You're yodeling better than ever
08:37Oh, Granny, I was telling you
08:38I reckon a quarry critter like this ought to be outside instead of in the house scaring folks
08:43Oh, leave her stage head
08:44I'm commencing to like her yodeling
08:47Oh, Granny
08:50Has anybody heard anything of Jethro?
08:52He's been at that doctor for a good spell now
08:55Ah, rest easy, Pearl
08:56There's a lot of boy there to examine
09:00Now, Jethro, during your few waking moments
09:02You have managed to tell me that your mother's a widow
09:04Oh, yes, sir
09:05I'd like you to tell me all about your mother
09:08I'm very interested in her
09:09Don't blame you
09:10She's pretty
09:11That's fine
09:13Now then, Jethro
09:15What's your relationship to your mother?
09:17I'm her son
09:21Yes, I know that
09:23But how do you feel about her?
09:24Do you like her?
09:25Oh, I sure do
09:26She's a dandy, huh?
09:29Does she ever give you hostile emotions or aggressive tendencies?
09:33Well, she would if I asked her for them
09:38Yes, well, suppose we talk about your father
09:41Do you remember him?
09:42Oh, yes, sir
09:43He used to take me hunting
09:44Taught me how to shoot with a rifle
09:46When I was just a little feller
09:47Oh, you were good buddies when he was alive
09:49Oh, yes, sir
09:50Did you miss him?
09:53I never shot at him
09:57Well, suppose you tell me about the rest of your family
10:00Do you have any brothers?
10:03Uh, no, sir
10:04But I got a sister that's got one
10:07Well, that would be you, Jethro
10:09Uh, no, sir
10:10Uh, her name is Jeth Raine
10:16Why don't you go back to sleep for a while?
10:22Oh, Granny, wait till you see what all's in here
10:25Every last thing you ask me to bring back from the hills
10:28Oh, bless you, Pearl
10:31But cool, Root
10:32Pearl, you'll never know how I needed this
10:35When you simmer this in slippery elm tea
10:38It is first break for chills and fever
10:42Dried crawdad tails
10:45Big rascals, too
10:47When they is ground up to powder
10:49You can't beat it for easing headaches
10:52Curing warts
10:54And seasoning sauerkraut
10:57Catfish whiskers
10:58Oh
11:00Salt water
11:01Oh
11:01Dogwood bark
11:05And the skins from three full-grown newts
11:09Caught at midnight under a full moon
11:13Well, you ain't gonna believe this
11:16But you just can't buy these in Beverly Hills
11:20That's a fact, Pearl
11:21Jethro drove me up to five big department stores out here
11:25And not one of them had a newt skin
11:27When it comes to charms and potions
11:29You might just as well not commence
11:31Unless you've got the midnight moonlight caught
11:34Fully-grown newt
11:36Earl, did you do all this gathering yourself?
11:39Oh, no, no, Jed
11:40I had company
11:41Especially for the midnight moonlight newt hunt
11:45Anybody I know?
11:47Oh
11:47Three of the most marriageable men in the hills
11:50That'd be Jack Cantrell
11:52Widower Lloyd
11:54And old man Casey
11:55Oh, he ain't so old
11:57I declare
11:59I had to watch out more for him than the noose
12:03I'm surprised you didn't get married while you was back home, Pearl
12:06I had plenty of chances, Granny
12:08But I got sport living out here
12:10So I'm gonna hold out for one of them good-looking, snappy-dressing, money-spending Beverly Hills fellas
12:18Bye
12:21Well, what'd the doctor say?
12:23Are you well?
12:23Are you healthy?
12:24I never did find out
12:25Well, when that Dr. Twombly heard that you was my mom, that's all he talked about from then on
12:30He talked about me?
12:31He must ask a dozen questions about you
12:34But, Jethro, I don't even know the man
12:36Well, he sure knows about you
12:38He'd like you to come to his office to see him
12:40When?
12:41Well, he says the sooner the better
12:42And he's a good looker, too
12:46Bet you Mrs. Drysdale told him about me
12:49I'll hurry and put on my star-bought hair and my society dress
12:56Jethro, this Dr. Twombly a pretty nice fella?
13:00Yes, sir
13:00But he's awful nosy, though
13:02Never stops asking questions
13:04He's interested
13:05But there's one thing about him I ain't gonna like
13:07He's a messy writer
13:08He is?
13:09Yes, sir
13:10You know how Ma's always fussing at me for spilling ink in my writing book?
13:13Yeah
13:13Well, he showed me one of his books
13:15And, Uncle Jed, it's the biggest mess of inkblots you ever saw
13:19Mrs. Bodine, how nice to see you
13:21I'm Dr. Twombly
13:23Bonjour, s'il vous plaît, monsieur
13:27You obviously are a more sophisticated woman than I was led to believe
13:32Merci, n'est-ce pas
13:35Excuse me
13:58Now, step over to the couch
14:01And make yourself comfortable
14:04Oh, sit down
14:06Sit down
14:09Relax
14:12Let's get acquainted
14:15You get the wrong idea
14:16Just because I talk French
14:19Oh, Dean, you don't
14:20You bet I don't
14:22Here you are, doctor
14:28And I postponed your golf date until three
14:31Thank you
14:32Dr. Twombly
14:32Yes, but I'm busy right now
14:34I'm sorry
14:35You cannot see the doctor without an appointment
14:37I wouldn't count on that, ma'am
14:39It might be a good idea for you to leave the room
14:41Who are you?
14:43Name's Jed Clampett
14:44Blood cousin to Pearl Bodine
14:48Good, it's all right, nurse
14:50Mr. Clampett, I'm glad to see you
14:52Before I shake your hand, maybe I better speak my piece
14:55By all means
14:57Sit down
14:58I'd rather stay on thanks
15:00And I'll get right to the point
15:01Back where I come from
15:03We don't take kindly to anybody trifling with our female kinfolks
15:07But, Mr. Clampett, I...
15:09Take into account that this is a big city and your ways are probably different than ours
15:13When my cousin Pearl tells me she had no more than said howdy
15:17And you commence pulling her to the settee
15:19My doggies, that's dropping a rusty bucket down my well
15:25Mr. Clampett, you don't understand
15:27I do this every day
15:30I'm a psychiatrist
15:31Well, I'd try to get cured of that if I was you
15:35Unless you're not able to wind up bad hurt
15:38Let me explain and apologize for the mistaken impression
15:41You can come out the house, explain to Granny, and apologize to Pearl
15:44I'd love to come to your house
15:46I want to meet every member of your family
15:49Well, that'll be fine
15:53But keep a tight hold on your feelings
15:55I reckon Cousin Pearl can look after herself
15:58But I got a daughter, Hellie Mae
16:00And I catch you making one move in her direction
16:04You're gonna find yourself weighing about three bullets heavier
16:11Pearl, drink this sassafras tea
16:14I bolstered it up with a little Mountain Dew
16:18Calm you down
16:19Thank you, Granny
16:20Pearl
16:21I wish you'd wear this thing or put it away
16:24I keep thinking it's one of Ellie's critters
16:27A bit ago, I tried to feed it a saucer of milk
16:37Pearl?
16:42You'd do something different to your hair?
16:45Oh, Pearl, uh, you're throwing me a brung that Dr. Formbly home here so he could apologize to you
16:50He can't, he, oh, I got it, I got it, I got it
16:58No mirror in here
16:59I hope you didn't whoop him to where he's no good for shooting
17:05Nobody's gonna shoot nobody, Granny
17:07That's why I come in here first
17:08You whooped him too bad, huh?
17:10I didn't whoop him at all
17:10I didn't whoop him at all
17:11How come?
17:11Poor fella's so sickly, he gotta have a nurse handy all the time
17:17Gethro!
17:18Bring him on in here
17:25Dr. Clongley, this here is Granny
17:26I'm pleased to meet you, Granny
17:28He don't look too sickly to whoop
17:31You want me to whoop him, Granny?
17:33You go look for some chores
17:35What, for instance?
17:36Put some air in a truck tire
17:38They won't hold no more air, Uncle Jet
17:40Well, let some out and then put some in
17:42I never get to do anything I want to do
17:44Somebody's always saying, do this, do that, put air in, take air out
17:48I don't know
17:51Granny, where's Ellie?
17:52She's out back running a new Jaguar around the yard
17:56Well, uh, I'll go fetch her
17:57I reckon, uh, you, you'll be safe with him
18:02Sit down, doctor
18:04Thank you
18:07So, you call yourself a doctor, do you?
18:11Well, I do hold several degrees
18:13All right, doctor
18:22How do you cure warts?
18:24Warts?
18:25Yeah, warts
18:26Well, dermatology isn't my field, but I assume electro-desiccation is still a preferred method
18:31Eh
18:32Oh, is there a newer method?
18:33Stump water
18:34And lye
18:35Mixed with ground-up crawdad tails
18:38Daubed on with the leg bone of a buzzard
18:41Just before the moon comes up
18:43Think you can remember that?
18:46Well, I'll try
18:48Mm-hmm
18:55How do you cure quincy?
18:57Quincy?
18:58Uh, tonsillitis
18:59No, that wouldn't cure it
19:01It's an inflammation of the pharyngeal area
19:03I don't care what you call it, that wouldn't cure quincy
19:05Quick, what kind of polis for rising in the ear?
19:08Polis?
19:09What's asafinity for?
19:11Well, uh...
19:12How would you cure the vapors?
19:14I...
19:15What about the drowsies?
19:16Bacon joints, stone bruises, corns, dander, twinges, and proud flesh
19:23These things are outside my field
19:25A doctor goes where he's needed
19:27He don't just stay on his own land
19:32Now you sit right back down, remember what I told you
19:36Hey, this here is Dr. Clumbly
19:37Howdy
19:38How do you do?
19:40Are you the young lady with the new jaguar?
19:41I sure am, you wanna see it?
19:43Well, yes, I'm an enthusiast myself, is it in the garage?
19:45No, out in the yard
19:47Come on
19:47Now you sit right there
19:48Enemy, bring it in the house
19:50A jaguar in the house?
19:52Is it alright, Pa?
19:53Yeah, as long as you don't take it upstairs again
20:08Bonjour again, doctor
20:09Oh, Mrs. Bodine, I... I'm so sorry my actions in the office were misconstrued
20:14Well, they was downright forward
20:17But if you wanna court me proper, you can come into the parlor
20:21Uncle Jen, looky here
20:24How'd that happen?
20:25Well, I was blowing air into it like this here
20:29When all of a sudden, POW!
20:33Jethro, I told you and I told you, use the pump
20:37You always brush the tires when you blow them up by mouth
20:42Okay, Ma
20:43Hey, is he gonna be my new daddy?
20:47Me?
20:48I reckon that's up to him, Jethro
20:51Well, we do have a nice parlor for proper court
20:54Watch out, Pearl
20:57Here comes Ellie and her jaguar
20:59Oh, goodbye, folks
21:00It's been weird
21:02Doctor, wait, we... we got... we got a big couch in the parlor
21:06As I suggest you get on it, all of you
21:09I'll send someone over
21:14Well, of all the... he run out on me
21:16Hey, Ma, you want me to catch him and tote him back?
21:19Let him go, let him go
21:21But, Graney, it might be my only chance to get a Beverly Hills doctor
21:26Doctor, my foot
21:28Unless Ellie brings home a six-foot duck
21:31You ain't never gonna run into a bigger quack
21:54Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin
21:58They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in
22:01You're all invited back next week to this locality
22:04To have a heaping helping of their hospitality
22:08Hillbilly, that is
22:10Set a spell, take your shoes off
22:13Y'all come back now, hear?
22:16This has been a Filmways presentation
22:18Philbilly, that is the ten days now
22:18We're also resting in theton of the year
22:18And indeed, we have... we have not just lost
22:21The four-day people are still alive
22:22That's all for the year
Comments