- 2 days ago
Category
🦄
CreativityTranscript
00:00Be right there.
00:07Well, that was a lie.
00:09One second.
00:10One.
00:12I said I'm coming!
00:14What happened to this country?
00:15No one hustles anymore.
00:17That's why Canada's killing us these days.
00:28You have a baby?
00:30I knew it!
00:31I knew you were lying to me!
00:33I thought I knew you.
00:35I thought you were my girlfriend.
00:37I let myself be vulnerable with you.
00:40I trusted you.
00:42Well, not anymore.
00:43Do you hear that?
00:45That's the sound of my walls going back up.
00:48Lose my number.
00:50Because you are dead to me.
00:53D. E. D. Dead.
00:56It's not my kid.
00:58It's my sister's.
00:59I'm babysitting.
01:00She's adorable!
01:02He's a boy.
01:04Looks like a girl.
01:06You want to grab some lunch?
01:17Great, I'm starving.
01:19Porky's coming.
01:20Uh, no thanks.
01:22You just said you were starving.
01:24Changes the dynamic.
01:25What dynamic?
01:26I already ate.
01:27No, you didn't.
01:29Porky's a bummer.
01:31You're a bummer.
01:32No, I'm not a bummer.
01:34I'm a jerk.
01:36Ugh.
01:43Hey, what are you doing after lunch?
01:45Nothing.
01:46Hey, but you want to do something fun?
01:47Great.
01:48What'd you have in mind?
01:49Go buy some ink.
01:50Ink?
01:51For my printer.
01:52Fun, right?
01:54Turns out the joke was right about the bummer.
01:56Huh?
01:57You guys all set to order?
01:58I'll have a club sandwich.
02:00Yeah, I'll have one of those, too.
02:02Can I start you off with some refreshing iced tea?
02:04What is fine?
02:05I'll have some refreshing iced tea.
02:07It sounds refreshing.
02:09Did you want to start with an appetizer?
02:11Some ooey-gooey nachos?
02:13Or maybe our famous spinach artichoke poppers?
02:16Nah, just a sandwich.
02:18They're really good.
02:20I'll get the spinach artichoke poppers.
02:22Great choice.
02:25Unbelievable.
02:26What?
02:26Don't you see what just happened?
02:29What?
02:30Cute waitress.
02:32Bubbly personality.
02:34Ooey-gooey.
02:36It was a classic upsell.
02:38Huh?
02:39Upsell.
02:40It's when someone gets you to buy something you didn't even want in the first place.
02:43Wow, you're right.
02:45I don't even like spinach.
02:47Or artichoke.
02:48Can I get you anything else?
02:50No, we're good.
02:51Are you sure?
02:53We have a chocolate lava cake for dessert.
02:55It's really good.
02:58Well, then I have to get it.
02:59Great.
03:00And maybe some of those ooey-gooey nachos.
03:03I'll be right there.
03:14One second.
03:21What happened to this country?
03:22No one takes the time to relax anymore.
03:25That's why Canada's killing us these days.
03:27Oh, thank goodness you're home.
03:32Someone called in sick at work, and I gotta cover this shift.
03:34Can you watch him?
03:35Oh, I can't.
03:37I'm busy.
03:37With what?
03:38You don't have a job.
03:39I got a bunch of stuff to do around the house.
03:41It's Bugs' house.
03:43I promised my girlfriend I'd help her out.
03:45I'm your girlfriend.
03:47Well, then I'll watch the baby.
03:50Well, that one kind of backfired on me.
03:52And if anything happens to him while I'm gone, I'll kill you.
03:58I can take care of a baby.
04:00I used to be a baby.
04:02I think.
04:03I don't really have any memories before the age of 15.
04:14So what's up, man?
04:18Not much of a talker?
04:21What are you into?
04:22You like jam bands?
04:25I used to be in a jam band.
04:28Wait.
04:29Hold on.
04:31Wait.
04:32Closer, but...
04:34Wait.
04:36Good jam, huh?
04:39Sounds like someone wants an encro.
04:42Wait.
04:43Hold on.
04:44Wait.
04:50What's wrong, baby?
04:51You want something to eat?
04:52It's a Reuben.
04:53No?
04:54You want something to drink?
04:57Milk?
04:58What?
04:58Am I crazy?
04:59Babies don't like milk.
05:01How about some clam juice?
05:02Here.
05:03We gotta get rid of it anyway.
05:04It's about to expire.
05:06You're not hungry.
05:07You're not thirsty.
05:08What's your problem?
05:09That better be the clam juice.
05:13Oh, before I ring you up, there is just one thing.
05:22Here it comes.
05:23Would you be interested in getting an extended warranty?
05:26And there it is.
05:27Uh-oh.
05:28Are you crazy?
05:29It's ink.
05:30All replacement parts would be covered up to 40%.
05:34You're not gonna need replacement parts.
05:36It's ink.
05:37If the product gets damaged, we'll ship it back to the manufacturer for you.
05:41It's not gonna get damaged.
05:43It's ink.
05:44It's only an additional $15.
05:47That's half the price of the ink.
05:56I'll take it.
06:01What's the matter with you?
06:02Did you get a bunch of bad news before you came over here?
06:06You're a bigger bummer than Porky.
06:07In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean...
06:16Come on, guys.
06:17We're gonna be late for choir practice.
06:20...lives a pack of whales...
06:23...trying to find their voice.
06:32Some trying a little harder than the rest.
06:36You like that?
06:43Marty the Whale.
06:45In theaters now.
06:46Well, then let's go to the movie.
07:03Popcorn.
07:06Sir, you're disturbing the other patrons.
07:13I'm not doing anything.
07:14Talk to him.
07:16Sir, please.
07:18Because he's crying?
07:19That's his emotional response to the material.
07:22You have to take your baby outside.
07:24Fine.
07:25I've already seen it anyway.
07:28Lieutenant Graves doesn't make it.
07:30He never sees Barbara again.
07:32You ought to see somebody.
07:36You're seriously depressed.
07:37Oh, I know how you feel.
07:39You know what helped me?
07:40Mommy and baby class.
07:42We're going to one now.
07:43You should come.
07:44Anything to stop that crying.
07:46Uh, your baby?
07:48Huh?
07:50Oh, right.
07:50Are you sure you don't want me to carry your ink?
07:58I'd hate for something to happen to it.
08:01Oh, that's right.
08:02It doesn't matter if something happens to it.
08:05You've got an ink warranty.
08:07He made it sound so important.
08:10You must think I'm a real jerk.
08:12No.
08:13Daffy's a jerk.
08:14You're a bummer.
08:15Right.
08:21Evilby, the battery's dead.
08:23Look on the bright side.
08:24If this ever happens to your ink, you're covered.
08:30So that'll be 89 bucks.
08:32You interested in joining the tow truck club?
08:34No.
08:35For just 250 bucks a month, you get 20 free tows a year.
08:38Who gets towed that much?
08:39What poison is breaking down 20 times a year?
08:42If you sign up today, I'll throw in some free stickers for just $10.
08:46Free $10 stickers?
08:48Gee, where do I sign up?
08:51Right here.
08:52You can use the pen after me.
09:01The itsy bitsy spider
09:05The itsy bitsy spider
09:05Down came the
09:08Out
09:11Out came the sun
09:13And we walked in
09:14And the rain
09:14And then the guy
09:16Went left and
09:17Let's do something else again
09:19Yay!
09:22Oh, my God.
09:25Has anyone's baby reached a new milestone this week?
09:28Charlie smiled at his daddy last night.
09:31He really did.
09:32It was amazing.
09:33Samantha rolled over for the first time.
09:36Oh, my God.
09:37What about your little guy?
09:41Oh, uh, him?
09:43He, uh, learned how to ride a bike?
09:45What?
09:46Why?
09:47Is that bad?
09:48Is he slow?
09:50Slow.
09:50Whoa.
09:51Ha ha ha.
09:52Ha ha ha.
09:53Whoa.
09:55Ha ha ha ha.
09:56Hello?
09:57Hello?
09:57Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
10:27Bye, ladies. See you next week.
10:34Janice, don't give up on sleep training. I know it's hard, but it's worth it.
10:38Marsha, I promise I'll get you the name of my pediatrician. Keep bugging me about it, though.
10:43Mom brain. Ha, ha, ha. Keep up the great work, moms. It's the hardest job we'll ever love.
10:57These will be ready next Tuesday.
10:59But the yard sale's this weekend.
11:02I said next Tuesday.
11:06What are you doing here?
11:10Just out for a little stroll. He tends to get a little fussy at the time of day.
11:15They call it the witching hour. You probably didn't know that.
11:19Your favorite, Patsy.
11:20Wow, I'm impressed.
11:23Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
11:24My shift just ended.
11:26Already? Can't you work overtime or something? Swing shift? Graveyard shift?
11:30I mean, you gotta put in the hours if you're gonna break through that glass ceiling.
11:33We'll go into the park.
11:38You forgot a schmoopy!
11:39We have a compact car available, or for just an extra $49 a day, we can upgrade you to a minivan.
11:48I'll take it.
11:49Great. Let me get your key.
11:51A minivan? What are you, a soccer mom?
11:54What happened to all my money?
11:56Appetizers, warranties, free stickers.
12:01And don't forget you're on the hook to the tow truck club for three grand a year.
12:05You're right. I fall for it every time.
12:07And no more upsells. I promise.
12:11You're all set.
12:12Oh, I almost forgot. Would you like insurance? It's just an additional $3 a day.
12:17I don't know what kind of fool you take me for, but I'm not interested in your insurance.
12:24Uh, Porky, I think you should get the insurance.
12:27It's an upsell.
12:28No. Artichoke poppers are an upsell. Insurance is practical.
12:33Just get it. It's hardly any money, and if anything happens, you're covered.
12:36No insurance.
12:38Just the van.
12:42Ow.
12:45It's starting to bruise.
12:46He doesn't like it when you do that.
13:02You're holding the bottle wrong.
13:04That's not even the right nipple.
13:06We've switched the soy formula.
13:07Just let me do it.
13:10What is wrong with you?
13:11I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
13:13You think what you do is so important because you work.
13:16Well, I work just as hard as you, and I don't even get a paycheck.
13:19You've never gotten a paycheck.
13:20I'm so busy taking care of him, I can't even tell you the last time I took a shower.
13:25You never shower.
13:26Uh, that's because I care about the earth.
13:29The point is, raising a baby is hard work, and it's twice as hard when you do it alone.
13:34I'm just so tired.
13:35You've known him for one day.
13:39You don't even know the baby's name.
13:40His name's not Baby.
13:43Where's Baby?
13:49Zachary!
13:51Zachary?
13:52Baby's a better name than Zachary.
13:56It is roomy.
13:57I'll give it that.
13:58Baby's a better name than Zachary.
14:28He doesn't like it when you do that.
14:50I probably should have gotten the insurance.
14:58Thanks again for watching, Em.
15:10I want to start a family with you.
15:12What?
15:12I finally realized what I was put on this earth to do.
15:17Be a mother.
15:20Or was it to open a frozen yogurt shop?
15:24Yes.
15:25That is exactly what I was put on this earth to do.
15:28I'll be known for my toppings.
15:30No.
15:31No toppings.
15:32Just yogurt.
15:33The best yogurt.
15:34That's what I'll be known for.
15:36With tons of flavors.
15:38No.
15:39One flavor.
15:40With tons of toppings.
15:42Okay, so just a pizza?
16:00Yep.
16:01That'll be $14.99.
16:02You know, for just a couple dollars more,
16:06I could throw in a two liter soda and some breadsticks.
16:10Eh.
16:10Or, for an even twenty,
16:12you get the soda,
16:13you get the breadsticks,
16:14and you get the cinnamon breadsticks.
16:16They're just like the regular breadsticks,
16:17but with cinnamon.
16:19Cinnamon, huh?
16:20For the dessert.
16:21All right.
16:22I'll take it.
16:22Classic of sell.
16:30Je, je, je.
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