- 23 minutes ago
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CreativityTranscript
00:00Darling, I probably shouldn't be writing to you, but I can't get you out of my mind.
00:07That weekend we spent in Vermont was the most powerful experience of my life.
00:12You were the most perfect man that was ever created, and I must have you.
00:17Uh, what are you doing?
00:19Reading a letter.
00:20That's not addressed to you.
00:22Oh, is that a crime?
00:23Yes. This is your mail.
00:26Look, here's a 20 spot if you give me back the letter.
00:29Bribing a government official is also a crime.
00:33And is this counterfeit money?
00:36What? You're gonna tell me that's a crime too?
00:39Last time I checked, I was living in America.
00:41Oh, look over there!
00:43Oh!
00:44Ah!
00:46Ah!
00:46Ah!
00:48Ah!
00:50See what happens when you people don't let me read your mail?
00:56Soon as I can make a counterfeit passport, I'm moving to Mexico.
01:11Restraining order.
01:13Medical bill.
01:15Invitation to my high school reunion.
01:17Another restraining order.
01:19What are you throwing that out for?
01:20You can't restrain me.
01:22I'm a free spirit.
01:24Not that.
01:24The invitation to your high school reunion.
01:27A bunch of people standing around talking about their babies and their minivans.
01:31Sounds thrilling.
01:33You should be excited to go to your reunion.
01:35You always said high school was the greatest time of your life.
01:38Hmm.
01:38That's true.
01:40High school was epic.
01:42I remember it like it was yesterday.
01:43There were three seconds left, and everyone knew I was taking the last shot.
01:52Hi.
01:53I'm Epo Epo Porky Pig.
01:55Yeah, that's great.
01:56I'm Daffy Duck, the guy who didn't ask.
01:59Now beat it!
02:00Now where was I?
02:01Oh, right.
02:03So I get the ball.
02:04The clock starts ticking.
02:06Three.
02:07Two.
02:08Nothing but net.
02:10Daffy Duck is all the pretty girls.
02:15Is this seat taken?
02:17No.
02:18It's right there.
02:19You're looking right at it.
02:22Greetings.
02:23I'm Marvin, the foreign exchange student.
02:27Oh.
02:28Where are you from?
02:29Mars.
02:31Well, ladies, I better get to class.
02:34Those straight A's aren't going to make themselves.
02:38Hi, Daffy.
02:40Well, aren't you sweet.
02:42In fact, the only thing sweeter than you is that cake over there.
02:46Hey, cake for the lady.
02:47You know what?
02:48Cake for everybody.
02:49It's on me.
02:51Yeah!
02:51Yeah!
02:53Woo!
02:54Yeah!
02:55Are you nerds enjoying the cake?
02:58It's stupendous.
02:59Yum.
03:00Is it really on you?
03:02No.
03:03It's on you.
03:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:06Daffy Duck!
03:07Daffy Duck!
03:08Daffy Duck!
03:10Daffy Duck!
03:11Eww.
03:12I bet Porky's not going to the reunion.
03:14But you were the big man on campus.
03:16Why wouldn't you want to go?
03:18Look at my life now.
03:19I live in a dump.
03:20No offense.
03:21I have a stupid roommate.
03:22No offense.
03:23And I've piled up tons of credit card debt.
03:25No offense.
03:26Why would I take offense to that?
03:28Because I used your credit card.
03:30The point is, I peaked in high school.
03:34At least you got to go to high school.
03:36You didn't go to high school?
03:38Let's just say my youth was unconventional.
03:42What was so unconventional about your youth?
03:45It's not important.
03:46My unconventional, incomparable, inimitable youth is not important.
03:51What is important is that you attend this reunion.
03:54Why do you want me to go to my reunion so bad?
03:56Because you can.
03:58Don't you see?
03:59You have the opportunity to do something I can only dream of.
04:03Stand around with people you barely remember.
04:06Reminiscing about the big game.
04:08Senior prom.
04:09Homework.
04:10You're weird.
04:11All right.
04:12The reunion's on Saturday.
04:14Which means you have a whole week to make something of your life.
04:16I can't make something of my life in five days.
04:20You can with my help.
04:22And a week is seven days.
04:24Five.
04:25I'm not letting this cut into my weekend.
04:27That's my me time.
04:29I'll see you on Monday morning.
04:31Eh, that's a little ambitious.
04:33Monday afternoon.
04:34You know what?
04:35Nothing ever gets done on a Monday.
04:36Let's start Tuesday.
04:38Noon.
04:40Ish.
04:46This is you in high school.
04:50Which I don't need to remind you, I never got to go to.
04:53And this is you now.
04:55There's only four days until your reunion.
04:57A reunion that I would love to attend, by the way.
05:01So we don't have much time to get you from here to here.
05:05How do we do it?
05:06Hmm.
05:07Let me think.
05:08You've got to do something special.
05:10Something admirable.
05:12Something heroic.
05:14Like destroy the Earth.
05:16More like, I don't know, climb Mount Everest?
05:20That's it!
05:21Everyone at the reunion would hail the conquering hero!
05:31You know what?
05:34I can't climb Mount Everest because I don't have a winter jacket.
05:38You could buy.
05:39Nope.
05:39You could borrow.
05:40Nope.
05:40I can't climb Mount Everest because I don't have a winter jacket.
05:45Shame.
05:46Nope.
05:47I think that was a good day one.
05:48Same time tomorrow?
05:50Probably not tomorrow.
05:51I'm pretty blown out.
05:53Let's shoot for Thursday.
05:54You know what?
05:55I have a thing on Thursday.
05:56Friday.
05:57I swear.
05:58See you Saturday!
05:58So when's this reunion again?
06:05It's tonight.
06:07What?
06:07What have you been doing this whole time?
06:10I guess I'm not going to my reunion.
06:12We've got to go!
06:13I mean, you've got to go.
06:15And there's still something you can do to impress everyone at the reunion.
06:18And it's not destroy the Earth.
06:21Then what is it?
06:22I'm ruining my manicure.
06:27Give me your quarter.
06:28I'm starting to think the odds of winning the lottery are pretty low.
06:32Three sixes?
06:34Three sixes!
06:35I won!
06:36I won the lottery!
06:38I'm rich!
06:38We can go to your reunion!
06:40I mean, you can go to your reunion!
06:43I'm so happy for you!
06:44Happy and jealous!
06:45Mostly jealous!
06:48I'm rich!
06:49I'm rich!
06:51I knew I didn't peak in high school!
06:54Daffy, you didn't get three sixes.
06:57You were holding it upside down.
06:59You got three nines.
07:01Besides, you were playing lucky eights.
07:05This is hopeless.
07:08Excuse me, do you have a quarter for the parking meter?
07:11No.
07:12But you're holding a quarter.
07:14What, this?
07:15This isn't a quarter.
07:16That's not a quarter?
07:17No, this is a fake.
07:19I'm Agent Jimmy Glass, and this is Agent Ira Bunnells, and we're with the Treasury Department.
07:23We're investigating a highly illegal counterfeit operation in the area.
07:26I'm going to need to see your wallet.
07:28Oh, uh, of course.
07:32Yep, this one looks a little iffy.
07:34Going to have to run some tests.
07:36Now get out of here, but keep your eyes and ears open!
07:38That's it!
07:40I thought in order to go to the reunion, you needed to be someone you're not.
07:44A success!
07:45But it turns out, you should just go with someone you already are.
07:49A liar!
07:50You want me to go to the reunion and just lie about how successful I am?
07:55That's a horrible idea!
07:57I'm lying.
07:59It's a great idea.
08:01Or was that a lie?
08:03This lying could get out of control.
08:07Or is that a lie?
08:09The lying is in control!
08:12Oh, brother.
08:13Well, after high school, I just had to get away from it all.
08:20Get back to what's important.
08:22The land.
08:24I've got about 30,000 acres in Montana.
08:27Probably about 50,000 head of cattle.
08:32That's about two heads of cattle per acre.
08:35Yeah.
08:37I love a cattle drive.
08:40Too much spitting.
08:42I signed up after graduation.
08:45I heard the call of duty, and I answered.
08:49Oh, this?
08:50What you call heroism?
08:52I call duty.
08:54Believe me.
08:55When you're doing your duty, you don't think about the fact that you're doing your duty.
08:59It's your duty.
09:00You just do it.
09:02You do your duty.
09:04Too much saying the word duty.
09:07I'm Batman.
09:11So what lie did you settle on?
09:13One lie is too limiting.
09:16It's going to be a big reunion.
09:18I can tell a lot of lies.
09:19That couldn't possibly backfire.
09:22What are you saying?
09:23Well, if I were you, I'd bring someone along to help you keep track of all those lies.
09:29But who would want to go to someone else's reunion?
09:32Me!
09:33I want to go to your reunion!
09:35You?
09:36Then why didn't you say something earlier?
09:42Just stay close.
09:44The lies are about to get complicated.
09:49Name?
09:50Count Leopold von Lichtenstein.
09:53How do you spell that?
09:54Bob Jones.
09:56Well, which one is it?
09:57Uh, both.
09:59Maybe he's into the lies.
10:01This is him.
10:04Phew.
10:04That was close.
10:05Promise me you won't leave my side the rest of the night.
10:08I promise.
10:10Are those lockers?
10:12Bugs!
10:13Bugs!
10:13Remember me?
10:24We were in homeroom together.
10:26Oh, hey, Tanya.
10:27Long time no see.
10:29What you been up to?
10:30Me?
10:31Oh, I, uh...
10:32Uh...
10:33Are you married?
10:34Married?
10:35Uh, yes.
10:36Happily married.
10:37Very happily married.
10:39To a model.
10:40Wow.
10:41Any kids?
10:42Two kids.
10:43Boy and a girl.
10:44Tegan and Cassidy.
10:45Also models.
10:47Gee.
10:47Well, it's great to see you.
10:49It's great to see you, Tanya!
10:52What was I so worried about?
10:53I don't need bugs.
10:55Elliot Hauser.
10:57Oh, Heidi Gardner.
11:00Timmy Bankett.
11:02Friends of yours?
11:03Oh, I don't know any of these people.
11:06Andy Friedman!
11:08Did you hear that Daffy Duck won a bronze medal at the Olympics?
11:13I'm supposed to be keeping track of Daffy's lies, and instead I've been standing around drinking punch.
11:23Well, I'm now the head of a very profitable non-profit organization.
11:28I used to be a pro surfer, but after the shark attack, I had an epiphany, and decided to dedicate my life to the betterment of society.
11:35And I'm also a model.
11:37Sorry, Daff.
11:39Okay, what lies have you told so far?
11:41Bugs.
11:42Relax.
11:43I've got this under control.
11:44Really?
11:45Easy breezy.
11:47It's like stealing babies from a candy store.
11:49Go enjoy the reunion.
11:51I don't know.
11:52I think you might need my...
11:54Is that somebody else's old algebra teacher?
11:57Pete!
12:00Marvin!
12:01What have you guys been up to?
12:03Oh, high school was a horrible time for me.
12:07Therefore, I have spent every moment since graduation plotting to destroy the Earth.
12:14Pfft.
12:14I hope you have better luck with that than I did.
12:16What about you, Pete?
12:18Oh, I'm still waiting to graduate.
12:21What about you?
12:22I'm the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.
12:26I thought you said you owned the Dallas Cowboys.
12:29Oh, uh, yeah, that's, uh, uh...
12:32Well, which is it?
12:34Uh, uh...
12:35Oh, look over there!
12:36Pfft!
12:53Pfft!
12:54Hi.
12:54I've heard you've become a famous movie star.
12:57Can I have your autograph?
12:58Oh, uh, sure.
13:00I've never had my picture taken with an astronaut before.
13:03Do you mind?
13:04You're an astronaut, too?
13:06Well, uh, before I was a movie star, I was, uh...
13:09Batman!
13:10Come quick!
13:11There's a break-in at the museum!
13:12Batman?
13:13Batman?
13:14Wait!
13:15Are you saying this man, the president of Mexico, is Batman?
13:19Uh...
13:20He's so cute.
13:30I don't remember him from high school.
13:32Bugs?
13:34What are you doing here?
13:35I'm here with Daffy.
13:37What are you doing here?
13:38From the story I heard, high school was pretty rough for you.
13:42It would be...
13:42It would be...
13:43Rough?
13:44High school was the greatest time in my life.
13:47I'm surprised Daffy came.
13:50Huh?
13:50Parky!
13:52Parky!
13:54Hey!
13:57Excuse me, but do you remember Daffy Duck?
14:00Who?
14:01Daffy Duck.
14:02Come on, you gotta remember him.
14:04He was the coolest guy at your high school.
14:08Daffy Duck, you know, black feathers, big beak, about this tall.
14:12Oh, you mean Daffy Dork.
14:15Ew, that guy was such a nerd.
14:20But I've been looking all over for you.
14:22My web of lies has entangled me in a web of lies.
14:26In high school, were you ever called Daffy Dork?
14:29Daffy Dork?
14:30Why would anyone call the coolest guy in high school Daffy Dork?
14:38There were three seconds left, and everyone knew I was taking the last shot.
14:43Hi, I'm Daffy Duck.
14:45Yeah, that's great.
14:47I'm the guy who didn't ask.
14:49Now, beat it.
14:52Is this seat taken?
14:56Cake for everybody!
14:58It's on me!
15:00Hey, nerd, are you enjoying the cake?
15:07It's delicious.
15:08Is it really on you?
15:10No, it's on you.
15:14Daffy Dork!
15:16Daffy Dork!
15:17Daffy Dork!
15:24So this means I wasn't the big man on campus.
15:27I was the big dork on campus.
15:31Wow.
15:31I really am a liar.
15:33And the greatest lie I ever told was to myself.
15:37Wait!
15:38Don't you see?
15:39This is good news.
15:41You thought you'd gone from here to here.
15:44But it turns out, you never went anywhere.
15:47What's good about that?
15:48It means you haven't peaked yet.
15:52You're right!
15:53You hear that, you losers?
15:55I didn't peaked in high school.
15:58But you did.
16:00And you did.
16:01And you certainly did.
16:04Daffy, I've apologized to you about a thousand times.
16:07And you!
16:10You used to be the prettiest girl in school.
16:12And now you're...
16:14Well, you're still very beautiful.
16:16The point is, you all peaked too soon.
16:18Except for you.
16:20So long, jerks!
16:21I'm off!
16:22And unlike you,
16:24I have nowhere to go but up!
16:26Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy, Daffy!
16:42I may have missed out on high school,
16:53But I got to go to one heck of a high school reunion.
16:58Oh, home movies from my unconventional youth.
17:01I haven't seen these in a while.
17:23You were the president of Mexico?
17:31Eh, interim.
17:32You did all that instead of going to high school?
17:36Do you know what this means?
17:41You peak too soon!
17:44Ha ha ha ha!
17:45Ha ha ha ha!
17:47Ha ha ha ha!
17:49Ha ha ha ha!
17:52Meh.
17:54I don't think I peaked quite yet.
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