- 18 hours ago
Season 3 Episode 23
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I love you like I do
00:30I love you like I do
01:00Keep those legs up ladies
01:02Even you short ones out there
01:03Hey
01:05How was your mother's?
01:07Good
01:07She said she was sorry
01:09You couldn't make it
01:10How'd your meeting go?
01:11What meeting?
01:12Good
01:12Good
01:13What's all this?
01:15Anniversary presents from my mom
01:17That's for you
01:18Oh, thank you
01:20Hey, hey, hey
01:23What?
01:24What, are you gonna wait till Friday?
01:25Whenever
01:25Open it up
01:27Hey, look at this
01:30Wow, that's beautiful
01:33This is real cashmere
01:35This is nice
01:36What'd you get?
01:42That's like, that's
01:43Wow, that's really
01:44It's vibrant
01:46Okay?
01:49Well, I think it's nice
01:50Yours is nice
01:51Mine is flame retardant
01:53I'm sure you're gonna love
01:54Whatever you return it for
01:55Yes, next time I'm in the Philippines
01:57More importantly
01:59She sent dessert
02:01Dessert?
02:02That's right
02:03I love your mother
02:03All right
02:04Anyway, what I'm gonna get
02:06She's gonna more than make up for that
02:08So we agreed not to do presents this year
02:10You were serious?
02:12Well, yeah
02:12Fine
02:13Good
02:14All right, here we go
02:15She sent brownies
02:16She sent cookies
02:17She sent a sponge cake
02:19I think we should get each other
02:20Like a little something
02:21Fine
02:22Good
02:22She sent cherries
02:24Hollabar
02:25Some sort of pie
02:26What if we agree
02:27Not to spend more than $10 each?
02:30Fine
02:30Or $20 tops
02:31Good
02:32Did I say brownies?
02:33Yes
02:34All right, she sent more brownies
02:35So
02:36We have milk
02:37So $20?
02:38Yeah, okay
02:38Hey, empty
02:40Don't look at me
02:40She sent milk
02:42You know what?
02:44Let's not limit ourselves
02:45Why don't you just get me whatever you want?
02:46All right
02:47Want me to make a list?
02:48No
02:49Because the other day I saw some beautiful
02:50Excuse me
02:50What, we just met?
02:52I just thought it would ease the pressure a little bit
02:54Hey, after three years
02:55I think I can pick out an anniversary present for you without your help
02:58It's perfect
03:00I don't get it
03:03Lisa, tell him
03:05Yeah, it's fine
03:05Come on, I'm gonna be late for my break
03:07Hold your horses, hold your horses
03:08Well, do you want my employee discount or not?
03:10Just feel it
03:11I still think the glass grapes are great
03:13No
03:13No
03:14It's designed by Mago
03:17I don't get it
03:18You don't have to get it, trust me
03:21No, but see, I told Jamie that I know what she likes
03:24Fine, what do you want to get her?
03:26Yeah, you tell me
03:27What do you think of this?
03:29No
03:30It's an antique inkwell
03:32I know
03:33Well, I think you'd like it
03:35Well, you wouldn't
03:37I'm sorry, but the chef says that we're all out of the chicken
03:41That's okay, we didn't order the chicken
03:43All right, I'll try again
03:44You know, when we were little, Jamie would always say
03:50All I want to do is marry a man who'll buy me a tray and I'll be the happiest woman on earth
03:54She did not
03:54Well, I have to go to the bathroom
03:56Plus, it's dented
03:58Where?
03:59Right here over Nagel
04:00Two dots?
04:00Yeah
04:00Over the E?
04:01Yeah
04:02That's the omelette
04:03I know, why don't you give him some money
04:08I'm not giving him money
04:11Well, when he was 12, he found like five bucks on a boardwalk, I'm telling you
04:14Hey, you're in luck, I found two more chickens
04:19No, no, no, no, we didn't order the chicken, we're splitting a club sandwich
04:22I'm sorry, there are no substitutions
04:24All right, all right, this is it
04:28Good
04:28All right, but you're gonna definitely bring this over after work
04:29Yeah, yeah, yeah
04:30No, not yeah, yeah, I have to give this to heart tonight
04:32Yeah, yeah, yeah
04:33Keep telling me if I give this to
04:35It's a Nagel
04:36You want me to just pick something up?
04:39No, I want it to be for my heart
04:40Which is why I'm getting him
04:42A weed whacker
04:43So what did you get him?
04:51I don't know
04:51It's your anniversary
04:53I choked, I told Ira to pick something up, where is he?
04:56You told Ira?
04:57Shh, Paul's right inside, I'm gonna go call him
04:59Hey, hey, where is Lisa with this thing?
05:03I don't know
05:04Shh, shh
05:05You know, you two should talk sometime
05:08Hey, look, just give me the present
05:10Fine, and how are you?
05:12What is this?
05:13Her present
05:14The tray?
05:15What tray?
05:18What, are you kidding me?
05:20That's what we talked about?
05:22I don't think so
05:24Fran, tell him
05:26That's no Nagel
05:27Take this back
05:29I can't, the stem's cracked
05:31For which I got you an extra 5% off
05:33I'm not giving her glass grapes
05:35You know, when Jamie was little
05:37She used to always say
05:38Oh, shut up, listen
05:39What do I do now?
05:40Don't you have anything around here you can wrap up?
05:42What?
05:44I don't know, go look
05:45Oh
05:46There's no answer
05:50What are you doing here?
05:51I don't know
05:52Hey, James
05:54Is it safe?
05:55He's in the bedroom, hurry up
05:57What happened to you?
05:57Yeah, Susanna yelled at the cabbie
05:59So he took us all the way to Brooklyn
06:00They called your mama
06:01So don't talk to people
06:02What is this thing?
06:04Paulie's gonna love it
06:05I'm telling you
06:05Hey, Ira?
06:06Hey, yeah
06:07What are you doing here?
06:08I don't know
06:09You wanna open your present?
06:11Uh, sure
06:12Do you wanna go get mine?
06:14Sure
06:14Give me a hand
06:17Cause it's a
06:17All right, help me find something
06:23What?
06:24Jamie, I didn't get her a gift yet
06:25Oh, that's nice
06:26No, no, no
06:27I got her one
06:28But I didn't
06:28Hey, jams
06:29Women like jams
06:30What women?
06:31You know, like a
06:32Like a whole assortment
06:33That's nice, right?
06:35No
06:35What do you think of something?
06:38Why don't you take her someplace?
06:39Where?
06:40I don't know
06:40Some big special surprise thing
06:42That's not bad
06:44Honey?
06:46What?
06:47I'm waiting
06:48What?
06:51I'm waiting
06:52What?
06:54I'm...
06:54What?
06:55Okay
06:56You go first
06:57Wow
06:58Yeah, hope you like it
07:00Well, it's from you, isn't it?
07:02Who else?
07:08Oh, my God
07:10Oh, my God
07:11This is amazing
07:14What a beautiful and thoughtful gift
07:16This is the first movie I ever saw
07:20I can't believe you remembered that
07:21Well, yeah
07:22Wow
07:23This is so cool
07:25I'm gonna...
07:26I'm gonna pry this over here
07:27Give me a hand
07:27This way
07:29You don't put it right here, sweetie
07:30When you walk in
07:30It's the first thing you see?
07:31Yeah
07:32Oh
07:32Hey, this looks really good here
07:36Don't you think?
07:37Oh, boy
07:37Come here, you
07:38So you really like it?
07:41Oh, I love it
07:42Because if you don't like it
07:42We can return it
07:43No, we can't
07:44No, seriously
07:44We can exchange it
07:45You can get anything else you want
07:46Anything
07:47No, no, no, no
07:48This baby's gonna stay right here forever
07:50Unless...
07:52What?
07:54You know what?
07:54Maybe it'll look good in the bedroom
07:55Oh, I don't know
07:56No, I'm gonna try it
07:57Um...
07:58And no, kid
07:58This is the best gift I ever got, sweetie
08:00Oh, well, I'm glad
08:01What is the matter with you?
08:04What?
08:04I have to hang that thing in my home
08:06What's wrong with it?
08:07She's got a bus in her uterus
08:09You know what?
08:11I was right the first time
08:12It's funny
08:12Go with your instinct, right?
08:13You know what I mean?
08:14Absolutely
08:14Put it here
08:16You know what?
08:17We'll get one of those museum lights
08:19You know?
08:19Light it up
08:20Give it a little spotlight
08:21Sure, sure
08:22So when did you get her?
08:23Yeah
08:23Oh, this is it
08:32This is it
08:33Open it up
08:34Open it up
08:34It's pretty good
08:35This note entitles the bearer
08:38To one magical night
08:40That's right
08:40Who wants a drink?
08:41Honey
08:42I'm not sure what this means
08:43What do you think it means?
08:45You're taking me somewhere tonight?
08:46That's right
08:47Tramboy
08:48Where are we going?
08:49Where are we going?
08:50She wants to know where we're going
08:51Only to the most romantic place in the city
08:53You're kidding
08:54Uh, nope
08:56The Twilight Room?
08:57Uh
08:57You got it
08:58How did you get reservations?
09:00They're booked up for like months in advance
09:02Well, you think you just came up with this on the spot?
09:05This is so wonderful
09:07Jamie, I thought you were going out with us tonight
09:10They are
09:10You got reservations for four?
09:13Well, don't ask us
09:15Let me finish
09:16Six
09:17Really?
09:18You guys are throwing me a party at the Twilight Room?
09:22What time do we have to be there?
09:23Late
09:24I love you
09:26This is wonderful
09:26All right
09:27Well, hey, I told you this didn't work out
09:37What worked out?
09:38We got a camp
09:39Where are we about it?
09:40Yeah
09:41We'll just walk into the Twilight Room
09:42And go, hey
09:43We're here
09:44Feed us
09:44Oh, yeah
09:45I got us in
09:45You couldn't get us into the Black Angus last week
09:48Well, I had that shrimp special
09:49Honey, look
09:50What?
09:50It's our new stint
09:52Hey
09:52Do you have a new stint?
09:53Mm-hmm
09:54That's where we met
09:54Right there
09:55He needed a paper
09:56And I needed a paper
09:57You remember?
09:57Yeah
09:58It was so romantic
09:59Wasn't it?
10:00Just hope you know what the hell you're doing
10:03All right, you guys check the codes
10:15We'll take care of business
10:17Sure
10:17All right
10:19You know what?
10:20Let's just get out of here
10:21Holy, relax, would you?
10:23I'm telling you, listen
10:24These guys can smell fear, so be careful
10:27Evening
10:29Yes, sir?
10:31Buckman, party of six
10:32For what time?
10:33Uh, 907
10:35Buckman with a B?
10:40Unless you misspelled it
10:41No, I'm sorry
10:44Well, that's puzzling
10:46Did you make the reservation or did Marcy?
10:50Marcy?
10:50That's his secretary
10:51She might have put it under another name
10:52Yeah
10:53No, she does that all the time
10:54Check Smith, Kennedy, Wilson or Harper
10:57No
11:01How about, uh, Cohen?
11:03Hollinger?
11:04Rogers?
11:06Channing or Channing?
11:06No, sir, I'm sorry
11:10Well, what do you have?
11:11A ping, ping, there we are
11:13Sir, I'm afraid the pings have already been seated
11:15At our table?
11:18You ready?
11:19Uh, uh, there's just a slight delay
11:21They're asking us to wait at the bar
11:22Is there a problem?
11:23No, there's no problem
11:24Go on, go ahead
11:24We'll be right there
11:25Drink something
11:25Isn't this place beautiful?
11:27It's lovely
11:27Go over there
11:28All right, Paulie
11:31Shmiron
11:32How much?
11:3350
11:33Yeah?
11:35About 20
11:3520, that didn't work at the Angus
11:37Uh, here you go
11:42This is for you
11:43For what?
11:48You know
11:49No, I'm sorry
11:51I don't know
11:51You know
11:53You misplaced it
11:54Like our reservations
11:55Oh, well
11:57Thank you very much
11:58So we got a table?
12:01No
12:01Oh, good evening, Mr. Randolph
12:03Your table's ready
12:04Damn, I was gonna say Randolph
12:07Now, uh, I don't know
12:08Beg
12:09I'll go wait at the bar
12:10Let me ask you something
12:15Have you ever been married?
12:18No
12:18All right, well
12:21Let me put it to you this way
12:21Please, please, please
12:24Give me a table
12:25We've been through this already
12:27Honey?
12:28What's going on?
12:29No, uh, they just
12:29They overbooked or something
12:31Hey, let me get one of those, please
12:32Did you make a reservation?
12:34Of course I made a reservation
12:36What do you think?
12:37Here for you
12:38Thank you
12:39Then why aren't they honoring it?
12:40No, they're honoring it
12:41They're honoring it
12:41They're just making us wait
12:43And you know what?
12:45It just makes me mad
12:46Honey, it's okay
12:47Don't stop
12:48That's just
12:48No, it really is wrong
12:49What kind of place is this?
12:50You know, we made reservations
12:51Weeks ago
12:52We show up
12:53We're dressed up
12:54We're here on time
12:55And this is the kind of treatment we get
12:56Honey, it's okay
12:56No, no, no
12:58I will not be treated this way
12:59I will not have our friends treated like this
13:01Get the coast
13:01No, you know what?
13:03This is not the only joining town
13:04No, no, no, please
13:05This is a big city
13:06There are plenty of places
13:07Just as good
13:09Just as classy
13:10And when you get around
13:11To calling our names
13:12That's where we'll be
13:13Come on
13:14This is great, huh?
13:21What?
13:22I know
13:22How'd you find this place?
13:25Oh, my band
13:26Play here sometime
13:27I'd love to hear them
13:28I'd love to hear anything
13:30Where's the ladies room?
13:34No, not alone
13:35Hang on, I'll go with you
13:37Where are we going?
13:41What is this?
13:43What?
13:44I got us right in
13:45You're the master, baby
13:47Honey, will you have me my purse?
13:49And trust me
13:49You're in the clear
13:50Honey
13:51Thanks
13:52I'm telling you
13:53You pulled it off
13:53Jamie totally bought the whole thing
13:55Honey?
13:59Hi
13:59You don't even get points for trying?
14:03No
14:03It's not my fault
14:05Your sister bought grapes
14:06What does that mean?
14:07Fran picked out this beautiful tray
14:08Fran picked out my gift?
14:10You know
14:11You're not the easiest person
14:11In the world to buy for
14:13Oh, take that back
14:14I take it back
14:15All right
14:16Are we done here?
14:18I just wanted something from your heart
14:20I tried
14:21No, you didn't
14:22As much as you did?
14:24What does that mean?
14:25I know you had Ira by mine
14:27Where do you get that?
14:29I picked it out with him
14:30You picked that thing out?
14:31Yeah, well don't change the subject
14:33I don't believe this
14:34Now where are you going?
14:34I don't want a cigarette
14:35You're not smoking
14:37Come on
14:38Sweetie
14:39This doesn't bother you
14:41What?
14:41That we're bad shoppers?
14:42No
14:43That we've been married for three years
14:44It's like we don't even know each other
14:46Here we go
14:47Well, excuse me
14:47I find this a little bit disturbing
14:49Would you stop?
14:50No, I won't
14:50I'm serious
14:51I know you are
14:52That's what's so nuts about this
14:53Not everything has to mean something
14:55You know
14:56Not everything is some big crisis
14:57Okay, don't minimize this
14:59Who's minimizing?
14:59You're minimizing
15:00You're maximizing
15:01Take that back
15:02You think the gods are up there every day saying
15:04Let's screw with the Buckmans today
15:06And see if they pass the test
15:07What test?
15:08The test
15:09What gods?
15:11The gods
15:11The gods
15:12Zeus and the jicama
15:13Jicama is the white stuff in salads you don't like
15:16What do I mean?
15:17Hecuba
15:18Hecuba
15:18Zeus and Hecuba
15:19Hecuba wasn't the god
15:20She was the queen of Troy
15:22You know what?
15:23I need a cigarette too
15:24Good
15:24Let's buy some of the
15:25What happened here?
15:30Oh my god
15:31It's our newsstand
15:32Somebody had a fire
15:35But it was just here
15:39Two hours ago
15:40Well
15:42Paper and wood
15:43How long does that take?
15:45It's just gone
15:47Well, let's
15:50Let's go
15:51Oh my god
15:53What?
15:55Do you realize
15:56If this had happened five years ago
15:57We never would have met?
16:01Probably right
16:02What?
16:03You think we never would have met?
16:05You know what?
16:06We probably would have met anyway
16:07Oh
16:07Just tell me what the right thing is
16:10Now I'll say that
16:11Come on
16:15You know what the right thing is
16:16You know what the right thing is
16:17You know what the right thing is
16:18You know what the right thing is
16:19You know what the right thing is
16:20You know what the right thing is
16:21You know what the right thing is
16:22You know what the right thing is
16:23You know what the right thing is
16:24You know what the right thing is
16:25You know what the right thing is
16:26You know what the right thing is
16:27You know what the right thing is
16:28You know what the right thing is
16:29You know what the right thing is
16:30You know what the right thing is
16:31You know what the right thing is
16:32You know what the right thing is
16:33You know what the right thing is
16:34You know what the right thing is
16:35You know what the right thing is
16:36You know what the right thing is
16:37yes i am no you're not i am you're not hanging that thing in our apartment
16:49well then why'd you buy it for me you bought it for you
16:52this is weird what my key my key doesn't fit is it the right key yes it's the right key
17:01are you turning it yes yes yes what are you doing here i live here what are you doing there who is
17:14it darling i don't know uh excuse me wait a second what did you do to our apartment your apartment
17:21where's our couch where's murray you have a couch named murray did ira put you up to this is like a
17:28big anniversary prank hey murray sophie come here what did i tell you about going to strangers
17:37darling get mr wicker do that please get mr wicker up here look i don't know what you people think
17:42you're doing here we live here no we live here so what we live over there no we live there
17:49i thought you said you live here yes
17:51how do you live there and here we used to live there then we broke through the connecting wall
18:00now we live here and there okay look i should warn you i was middleweight champion in my class at
18:05oxford wow what this place is huge is that a steam room what's going on here we called the police
18:12mr wicker mr wicker would you please tell them who we are sure who are you what is wrong with
18:20everybody they think they live here no no we do live here what does this say right here
18:26hello buckman thank you 196 west 93rd street what why don't we discuss this outside okay come on
18:34take a look at this look at this this is so weird come on come on party's over sorry for the
18:41trouble thank you so much you're telling me you gotta be kidding me just explain it to the police
18:47okay we're gonna remember this at christmas you just do that good night what is going on here i don't
18:52know let me see your license you actually call the cops you think they call the cop central park
19:00west jace stemple what
19:05it's not for us
19:09no
19:10all right so here's what i'm thinking a i've gone insane or two the gods really are schoolers
19:25i know what it is i know what it is in 1974 i went to a party at ricky niman's house and they
19:32had punch and it's just now kicking in
19:34what about me
19:36all right that's where i'm stymied
19:38you have the same social security number
19:41i'm still a member of the director's guild
19:43apparently i've joined a gym
19:46which one
19:47equinox on amsterdam
19:49why all the way up there
19:51i don't know maybe to be near my apartment
19:54stop it it's not your apartment
19:56what do you want from me
19:57wow
19:57what
19:58my business card farrar gantz stemple
20:01you don't work there anymore
20:03maybe not but they made me a partner
20:05good for you
20:07thank you
20:08all right
20:10what is that
20:12i don't know apparently i still get around
20:15as do you
20:22ursula how you doing
20:27hi
20:28hi
20:28hey hey
20:30you know us right
20:31yeah
20:32no
20:33you know she can't remember us
20:36she can't remember a chicken
20:38yeah but still
20:40wait a minute
20:42wait a minute
20:42we never ate here before we met
20:45right
20:45so
20:46i live somewhere else
20:48you live somewhere else
20:50your name is still stemple
20:51the newsstand
20:53it was gone
20:54the newsstand where we met
20:55obviously we met
20:58we're here right
21:00i know but i
21:02are you dreaming
21:04i don't know
21:06are you
21:08ow
21:10ow
21:10well i said ow
21:14okay how is this
21:17we go to my place
21:19see what we can figure out
21:20let's go check out my office
21:21honey i'm really curious
21:23how am i
21:23okay listen
21:24you go to yours
21:25i'll go to mine
21:26we'll see what we can find out
21:27and i'll meet you back here
21:28in one hour
21:29okay good
21:29one hour
21:30one hour
21:31yes
21:31okay
21:32good luck
21:34you too
21:34i'll see you next time
21:36bye
21:37bye
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