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00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30Hello!
00:34Welcome!
00:36Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38I'm Greg Davies.
00:39A juicy fillet steak of manhood, if I do say so myself.
00:42Take the heat off. I'm rare and I'm ready for the plate.
00:46Who dares to sit at the table of white-hot competition
00:50and complete tasks to make me sizzle on my judgmental skillet?
00:54Who dares to face my pepper-scorn sauce?
01:00Who wants my championships enough to risk getting their just desserts?
01:05Let's find out!
01:06Here they are!
01:07Anya Magliano!
01:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:10Maisie Abbott!
01:12Drew Ellis!
01:14Rick Shearsmith!
01:16And Sanjay Buster!
01:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:21And next to me, a man who told me that on a childhood visit
01:26to a fruit farm he once sneakily ate so many strawberries
01:29that he achieved the Holy Grail.
01:32The unbroken three-foot stool.
01:35LAUGHTER
01:38It's...
01:40L-l-l-l-toy!
01:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:43Well, look, it's time for the raffle, everyone,
01:48so if you want to get your tickets out at home.
01:51Do you want to do the honours today, Greg?
01:53Yeah.
01:54Who's going to win this week's raffle?
01:57So get your tickets out.
01:59Oh, it's a pink!
02:00It's a pink ticket.
02:01528.
02:03A pink 528.
02:04So get in touch if that's you.
02:07LAUGHTER
02:09LAUGHTER
02:10It's the...
02:11It's the raffle.
02:12It's the raffle.
02:13Incredible, isn't it?
02:14Did you buy a ticket?
02:15I didn't buy a ticket.
02:16I bought you a ticket.
02:17OK.
02:18You want...
02:19You want to check your pockets?
02:21LAUGHTER
02:22You're like, this is better.
02:24This is better.
02:25Oh, 528.
02:27I think 528.
02:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:31You win a hamper.
02:32You can have a look there.
02:33It's a good hamper.
02:34Genuinely good.
02:35Salt bin bags, shoe soles, cinnamon sticks.
02:37LAUGHTER
02:38Stuff you genuinely want from a hamper.
02:40OK.
02:41Let's get on with the prize task.
02:43Bang-tidy.
02:44And this week the category is
02:46the thing you were least likely to bring in from your home.
02:49Ooh.
02:50Big fingers crossed here for Lord Lucan.
02:53Five points will be given to this person
02:55that Greg thinks has brought in the least likely thing
02:57they've brought from their home.
02:59But you know how this works, Greg.
03:01You're all over the format by now, mate.
03:03Don't worry about it.
03:04LAUGHTER
03:07OK.
03:08Sanjeev, hello.
03:09Hello.
03:10Can I show you what it is?
03:11Sanjeev has brought this in.
03:12Yeah.
03:13LAUGHTER
03:15Come on!
03:16Did you just have it around, or is that decanted for the show?
03:22Oh, no, that was specially for the show.
03:23I mean, I don't have urine samples lying around the house.
03:26No.
03:27But, um...
03:28But you have the bottles.
03:29Well, yeah.
03:30I mean, you never know when you need them.
03:31I mean, you know, there's an age at which you have to go...
03:33Yeah.
03:34Those are doctors quite suddenly.
03:35Dip and check?
03:36Yeah, absolutely.
03:37Dip and check.
03:38I've got to say, Sanjeev, this marks a real turnaround in your fortunes, I think.
03:42Do you think?
03:43Well, the first two shows, your prizes were absolutely shit.
03:46It's very personal.
03:47Mm.
03:48Very.
03:49Do you know how he sent us a urine?
03:51Erm, no.
03:52We transferred it.
03:53LAUGHTER
03:55APPLAUSE
03:57OK, who's next?
03:59Anya.
04:00I've brought in my contraceptive coil.
04:03Oh, God.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:06Have a look at this, Greg, here it is.
04:08Oh, God.
04:09Look at it.
04:10Look at it.
04:11And if she's up there, then who's flying the plane?
04:13LAUGHTER
04:15APPLAUSE
04:21What's the blue thing?
04:23So, there are strings at the bottom of it and they're basically so you can check it's
04:26in place every month.
04:27OK.
04:28You put a...
04:29I'm not going to...
04:30I don't...
04:31I won't tell you.
04:32Well, don't get all squeamish, you brought it in.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:34Put fingers into your zones.
04:36Your zones.
04:37And you feel for the strings.
04:38And if the strings are there...
04:39Zones!
04:40LAUGHTER
04:41The reason that it's very unlikely that I was able to bring this in is because mine got
04:45lost within me.
04:47OK.
04:48And it took three doctors to get it out.
04:50On separate occasions.
04:51Not working simultaneously.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53They were in different zones.
04:55LAUGHTER
04:56LAUGHTER
04:57APPLAUSE
04:59Very impressive.
05:02Phil?
05:03I brought in a lovely clump of asbestos.
05:05Here it is.
05:06LAUGHTER
05:08One of lovely companies.
05:10LAUGHTER
05:11Where did you get the incredibly dangerous material from?
05:15My flat is riddled with it and, erm...
05:18As long as you don't interfere with it, it's quite safe.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:22Now, I have caused a few issues by rambling around in my walls to pull it out.
05:27Not least your own slow, painful demise.
05:30LAUGHTER
05:31But, you know, it's what a way to go.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:35Old school.
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37Urine, a coil and a death sentence.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:42Rhys.
05:43So, in 1973, there used to be things called public information films
05:46and they would tell children to not get trapped in fridges
05:49and not stand in front of tractors.
05:51And there was one in 1973 called The Spirit of Dark and Lonely Water
05:56and it was narrated by Donald Pleasance and it was about children
05:58that shouldn't play in near water because they would drown.
06:01And in that film, there is a sign that says,
06:04no swimming and in my downstairs toilet, I have the sign.
06:08Here it is.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:11So, there you go. That's surprising, isn't it?
06:15Lovely.
06:16Unfortunately, the horror bar has been raised so high...
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21It's very mundane now, isn't it?
06:23It's the first thing I see, I think, yeah, I could cope with that.
06:26LAUGHTER
06:27Hello, Maisie.
06:28I've brought in some... Nice and normal.
06:30Ah.
06:31Yeah. I've brought in all my doors.
06:33LAUGHTER
06:34APPLAUSE
06:35All our internal doors.
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40And I know what you're thinking, that's just a picture of doors
06:43with a made-up background. I can show you...
06:45Yep, here we go.
06:46This is my door in the flat.
06:48And I did that when my husband was out.
06:51LAUGHTER
06:52And then last.
06:54With the doors, so is the text I got from my husband.
06:57LAUGHTER
07:00Oh, my God.
07:01OK, so it's least likely to bring in from your home, Greg.
07:04Well, I mean, I really like your sign,
07:06but it's a framed photo, so he can only have one point.
07:09Yes. Fair enough.
07:10One point. Thank you.
07:11To Rhys.
07:12And it's incredible for me to say this,
07:13the one that horrified me the least was the deadly asbestos.
07:17LAUGHTER
07:18Two points to Phil.
07:19I'm going to say that Maisie's doors are equivalent to Sanjeev's urine.
07:25Fuck off!
07:27LAUGHTER
07:28I'm in so much trouble.
07:30And you won't get them back unless you win the episode.
07:33LAUGHTER
07:36APPLAUSE
07:38OK, he hates it when I do this,
07:40but I do think they all are remarkable
07:42that you would bring all three of those things in,
07:44so I'll give you all five points.
07:46Yay!
07:47One, two, three, five, five!
07:49OK.
07:50Could I get the trash, please?
07:51Yes, I have one right here,
07:52and it involves the greatest sporting team on planet Earth.
07:56MUSIC
08:06PHONE RINGS
08:08Hi, Rhys.
08:09PHONE RINGS
08:10Hello.
08:11Are you coming all the way to me?
08:12Well, I'm coming to you, yeah.
08:13Nice to see you.
08:14You can stand behind the barrel, that'll be great.
08:15What? A barrel?
08:16Ahem.
08:17Ahem.
08:18Make the most accurate little model...
08:20Of the Chesham...
08:21Chesham...
08:22The Chesham United mascot.
08:24So the locals call it Chesham.
08:26Ah.
08:27But if you've only just arrived there, Chesham is OK.
08:29OK, that's good to know.
08:31You may only see what is inside two of the toilet tents.
08:35Toilet? Oh, I thought it was spray tans.
08:37Toilets.
08:38Yeah, five toilet tents.
08:39You have ten minutes.
08:41Your time starts now.
08:43Go Generals.
08:45Go Generals.
08:47Oh!
08:48Thank God.
08:49You know.
08:50The one thing I like is mascots.
08:53Well, I hate football.
08:54I don't know anything about it.
08:55So I can't do it.
08:56APPLAUSE
09:02OK, so Chesham United is the team that you're a director on, right?
09:05Mm-hm.
09:06Yeah, but there's no conflict of interest.
09:07We're just...
09:09Well, it's funny you should say that,
09:10but when I read that you were doing this,
09:12I genuinely contacted a lawyer friend of mine
09:15and he has informed me that you talking about it
09:18as the director of Chesham United
09:20is a clear breach of the UK code of broadcast advertising,
09:23the BCAP code, sections 2, 4 and 10.
09:27And as a result, you genuinely could be in legal trouble.
09:31Ah.
09:32You've never done that much research about any aspect of this show.
09:35I know.
09:37I was absolutely thrilled.
09:41OK, well, there's a little joke here, but it doesn't feel appropriate.
09:43Here we go, then.
09:44And if you're a rap fan,
09:45you're going to love Rhys, Anya and Phil's initials.
09:51I'm hoping the Chesham United mascot
09:54will be in one of the three tenths.
09:56One of the five tenths.
09:57One of the five tenths.
09:58Oh, hello!
10:02Ooh, OK, that's heavy.
10:04Lovely.
10:05What we've got here is treasure chest.
10:07Lovely, that's nice.
10:08Chest.
10:09Chesham, no.
10:10What would be great now is if a child I didn't know I had came out.
10:14Oh, God, there's an actual person there that scared the crap out of.
10:20Oh, oh, my God, there's someone in there.
10:21Are you the Chesham United mascot?
10:24This is amazing.
10:25Have I nailed the task?
10:27Bear with me.
10:28Come on.
10:31We've got a game of chess.
10:33Yes.
10:34Oh!
10:35Ham.
10:36Chess.
10:37Ham.
10:38Oh, OK, I think that's the pig who's the mascot,
10:41and I've got to make a small pig.
10:43Oh, my God!
10:44He's got a plant pot on his head.
10:46Oh, it's a chess piece.
10:48Are you the mascot?
10:51I don't know what that is.
10:52I'm going to take it.
10:53You've either had a stroke or you're very much the mascot.
10:55Come on, baby!
10:57Daddy needs some new shoes.
11:01Go Generals.
11:02Yeah.
11:03What does it mean?
11:04How am I meant to, in isolation, understand what that means?
11:06That's the nickname of the football team.
11:07Well, I told you I hated football.
11:09Right.
11:10Do you know what?
11:12Please be careful.
11:15Oh.
11:16Right.
11:17Oh, that's half your time up.
11:18That's half my time.
11:20Well, this is great, isn't it?
11:22I've got half the time left and now you give me scissors.
11:24And face paint...
11:26It's pleasure.
11:27It's plasticine.
11:28I know.
11:30That could be his face.
11:33I'm going to make a football.
11:35Do you think the mascot of the football team is a football?
11:37Right.
11:38Yeah.
11:39I see that it might not be.
11:41I'm changing it.
11:42I'm changing it to a helmet.
11:43I'm very aware at this very late stage that I may have taken it for granted that that is the Chesham County mascot.
11:49You're pretty insistent that it's a county.
11:55I may have got football muddled up with territorial army.
11:59Five seconds.
12:00Oh, no!
12:01I'm from Chesham Town!
12:03Go Generals!
12:05APPLAUSE
12:10It's the usual bubbling rage during that, but my favourite moment of the whole task was just a moment of joy from you where I think we got the answer to the question, what will we do when David Dickinson retires?
12:24What we've got here is treasure chest.
12:27LAUGHTER
12:28APPLAUSE
12:34Simple as that.
12:36So the pig was the mascot.
12:37What?
12:38Oh!
12:39It's the official Chesham mascot and the bear was a red herring.
12:41OK, so Phil came up with this.
12:43Oh, there he is!
12:45There's that pig we all know and love.
12:49Flaking onto the pitch.
12:50Incredible.
12:51That would fool a seasoned farmer.
12:56Rhys came up with this.
13:04It didn't do.
13:06You would have thought I'd be saying the sentence,
13:08that's not as good as Phil's.
13:12Well, Anya did try to make the pig and she made this.
13:16Ooh!
13:18That is pretty good.
13:19Compare that to the real mascot.
13:20Yeah.
13:21That's good.
13:24OK, my friends, that's the end of part one.
13:27More mascot monstrosities will be made after some adverts to highlight the downward spiral of humanity.
13:34Work, spend, die!
13:35Oh, ho!
13:36Hello again!
13:37Welcome back to Tutsmaster.
13:38Hello.
13:39Sorry, Greg.
13:40As my gran always said, you can't hurry slurry.
13:41Before the break, the rivals were trying to craft the most accurate version of the Chesham mascot and they could only peep inside two of the tents for tips.
13:54Finally, it's the turn of Sanjeev and Maisie.
13:55Now, Maisie has of course had a huge advantage for this one having played football at the Chesham ground genuinely where the mascot was first unveiled.
14:00This is the picture of Maisie with the mascot on the pitch.
14:01There you go.
14:02You bastard.
14:03Go generals.
14:04That's a clue.
14:05Or a red herring.
14:06Whatever you want, Sanjeev.
14:07Or a red herring.
14:08And it's a bit creepy.
14:10Ooh, that's got something big there.
14:11Oh yeah, the way.
14:12The colour is done.
14:13To your head is quite interesting.
14:14We've got the right цвет of the Lakers!
14:15I'm wearing the yellows.
14:16And I'm wearing it.
14:17Not much more.
14:18We've got the yellows.
14:19But a lot of you?
14:20They weren't wearing it.
14:21No, no, no.
14:22You had the blackest color in there.
14:24That's the blue color that had in for sure.
14:25You don't have a blue color.
14:26And you have a blue color, too!
14:27I don't know how you'd like a green color in there.
14:29What it looks like.
14:30Well, these are the red color in there.
14:33We've got the green color in the middle of our Promo.
14:34Oh, that's got something big there, okay
14:48No these two do you need that back up right
15:00So someone in that
15:04Oh God generals stand up. Is there anything else?
15:10God's sake I was counting on you. Thank you very much. Not at all creepy
15:20You can sit yourself down it, okay
15:27Pig look for four-digit number. It'll be somewhere. I'm sure
15:30You wouldn't let me put them one hand there. Please don't break the box
15:42You could just point in that way
15:46This hand and point that way you need to salute like a general. Yeah, yeah, you've got that
15:53I see it. You're smashing it mate. Wait there
16:01That's general
16:03Go general
16:05You've actually run next to the mascot, which is a pig with a chess piece on its head
16:19And you have no recollection of it. It was a busy week that way
16:23You've got other things on a lot of pigs a lot of chess pieces. Yeah, it's more common in the modern game than you'd think
16:30Your attempt would be worrying if it weren't for
16:33Sanjeev god forgive me, but someone's got to point it out. You made the pig do a Nazi thing
16:37It was the the pig was leading the charge because they you can't they've had no fingers you couldn't point so in summary
16:50Yes, um you created a new mascot involving the pig the bear and the donkey
16:55I didn't I didn't create a new mascot. I involved the mascot in a new tableau
17:00Suggesting oh, yeah, that's according. That's what the US to do as well evolve the mascot into a new tableau was that their wording?
17:09It would make the most accurate little model of the Chesham United master
17:13Yeah, that was a smaller than one. I was going for
17:17Okay, do you want to see all five mascots with them real mess? I mean not really. Yep. Okay. The real ones bottom right
17:23I'm surprised that Sanjeev isn't further right
17:30Sanjeev's made the mascot bigger and more racially hateful
17:37To Sanjeev. I'm not sure about racially hateful. I'm gonna have to take a look at the diversity in mine
17:44Compared to any other picture
17:47It's a good point so two to Maisie because she hasn't made it smaller and she hasn't recreated it
17:51She's just taped a sign to it. I mean Reese's is definitely smaller than the original mascot, but has absolutely nothing to do with it
18:00You're telling me that that is less like a pig than Phil's
18:07I think mine looks more like the pig and a little chest piece on the top. What are you talking about?
18:14I think if I squint at both of them, I see more of the shape of the mascot in Phil
18:18Thank you because you're looking at the full body. I'm looking at the full body. Yeah, I get you
18:23I
18:25Take your point, but you can have three Phil can have four and five sweet points to Anya Magliano
18:36Me too, Anya is the only one in double figures. She's in the lead with ten points
18:40I've had a team fast well get ready for one of my favourites of all time
18:48Which is a big statement because I genuinely have almost zero opinions on anything. I'm a really bland guy
18:54I
19:07Back in here hi. Yep, couple of chairs. Lovely. Hello. Hello. Hello. How's the team?
19:13Really good good bonding. Yes working well together. Yeah, we think so. I think that's true, right?
19:20Ahem
19:22Discover the name of the person in the lab
19:27You must take it in turns to ask one question and the person may only say yes or no
19:33The other team members must remain in this room until the questioner returns
19:38Each person in your team must address the person in the lab by the correct name before the task is complete
19:45Fastest wins your time starts now
19:48I'll go. I'll go ask a question. All right, cool
19:51Right. Shall I go and ask if their name begins with a vowel? Is that is that clever? Okay?
19:57Yeah, go on you get thinking of your next question race, okay?
20:00I
20:01A-E-I-O-U
20:03I
20:04I
20:06I
20:07I
20:08I
20:09I
20:10I
20:11I
20:12I
20:13I
20:14I
20:15I
20:16I
20:17I
20:18I
20:19I
20:20I
20:21I
20:22I
20:23I
20:24likely to point out that he knows them.
20:25I
20:26Let's crack on and see how clever they are. Okay. Well, we are going to start with a team of two. It is Rhys and it is Maisie. Here we go.
20:30Hiya. Hi.
20:33Hiya. Hi.
20:36Does your name begin with a vowel?
20:39No. No. So we've got all the consonants to play with?
20:42Yep. What do you think the next question should be?
20:45Are you any of the women in the song Mambo No. 5?
20:48I know them all. Good, OK. Monica, Jessica.
20:53Hello. Is your name any of the women in the song Mambo No. 5?
20:57No. No?
21:00How many have we eliminated out of women's names in the world?
21:02I think 6. Good.
21:04How can we narrow down women's names?
21:07B to P.
21:08Does your name begin with any of the letters from A to P in the alphabet?
21:12Yes.
21:13It does, it does!
21:15B to G.
21:16Does your name, hi, does your name begin with B to G?
21:19No.
21:20Raise it G to P.
21:23Is it a K? Does your name start with a K?
21:26No. Thank you.
21:28Does your name begin with L? Yeah.
21:30Yes! It's L! It's L!
21:32OK.
21:33Not Lisa. Lisa's in Mambo No. 5.
21:35OK.
21:36Is it Laura?
21:37No.
21:40Is your name Louise?
21:41Yeah.
21:42Yes! It's Louise!
21:43Louise! Stop the clock! Stop the clock!
21:45Yes!
21:46You haven't completed the task.
21:47What?
21:48OK.
21:49Now, each person in your team must address the person in the lab by the correct name before
21:52the task is complete.
21:53Just say hi, Louise.
21:54I will.
21:55Hi, Louise.
21:57Hi, Louise.
21:59No.
22:00It's not!
22:01It's not Louise!
22:02Eh?
22:03He's really angry.
22:04He's really angry.
22:05What does it mean?
22:06She just said to me her name was Louise.
22:07What?
22:08Don't say, is your name Louise?
22:09I did that last time.
22:10Is your name Louise?
22:11Yes.
22:12Rhys!
22:13And she said yes.
22:14Oh, all the names in the world we got down to Louise and it's not.
22:29Yeah.
22:30Shall we maybe try to stay a bit calm?
22:32Yeah.
22:33Yeah.
22:34Calm and collected.
22:37Hello, Louise.
22:38Are you lying about your name?
22:40No.
22:41OK.
22:42We're missing something here.
22:43Yeah.
22:44What are we missing?
22:46Rhys, could it be a different person in the lab?
22:49SIREN SONG
22:51SIREN SONG
22:53SIREN SONG
22:55SIREN SONG
22:57SIREN SONG
22:59SIREN SONG
23:01SIREN SONG
23:03SIREN SONG
23:05SIREN SONG
23:07What are you found?
23:09They're twins! They're fucking twins!
23:11They keep swapping them out!
23:13They're swapping them out!
23:15Yes!
23:17Yeah.
23:19I'm on to you now.
23:21That's alright.
23:23I put a piece of sellotape on her.
23:27Does your sister's name begin with J?
23:29No. No!
23:31Does your sister's name begin with K?
23:33No.
23:35You're not asking her sister's name as well, are you?
23:37I'm going, is your sister's name?
23:39Yeah, and I'm saying is your sister's name.
23:41Oh, fuck off then!
23:43That's wrong, isn't it?
23:45You're not a sister!
23:47It's very confusing when there's twins.
23:49Does your name begin with an L?
23:51Yes.
23:52It does!
23:53It does?
23:54Yeah.
23:55I think I've got it.
23:56Lauren.
23:57No.
23:58Is your name Lynn?
23:59No.
24:00No, of course not.
24:01Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
24:03Is the second letter of your sister's name a consonant?
24:06Yes.
24:07What about L-U?
24:08That's a power!
24:09Oh, yes.
24:10That's right, yes.
24:11What else can you add on to Lynn to make a name?
24:13Lindsay.
24:14Is it Lindsay?
24:15Have we had it?
24:16No.
24:17Lindsay.
24:18With a Y?
24:21Is your name Lindsay?
24:22Yes.
24:23I've done the clock.
24:25That's amazing.
24:26We've done it.
24:27I mean, I have so many questions.
24:36I guess I'll start with, why was your go-to system mambo number five?
24:42I just tried to think of something where there's loads of women's names in one go.
24:47It allowed us later in the game to eradicate Lisa from the situation.
24:50Yeah, but Lisa's not in the song.
24:52There she is!
24:53Monica, Erica, Rita, Tina, Sandra, Mary and Jessica.
24:56All right, so she's not in the song?
24:58It doesn't matter, does it?
25:00Even you reading the note like that made me want to go,
25:02Arrgh!
25:10A lot of the time, you appeared as someone who was scared of her partner.
25:15Rhys is terrifying, I'll just say that.
25:17At one point, almost to yourself, you went,
25:19he's really angry.
25:21He's not angry, he's...
25:23Disappointed.
25:24LAUGHTER
25:25Didn't they say we were a good team?
25:27We were a good team?
25:28Yeah.
25:29He's like, good cop, furious cop.
25:30Yeah.
25:32Well, well.
25:33It looked like it took forever.
25:3544 minutes 30, a lovely massage.
25:37Wow.
25:3844 minutes 30.
25:3944 minutes 30.
25:40What I'd like to think now, before I throw to break,
25:42is that you'd be able to play in Mambo number five.
25:46And I know you haven't got it,
25:48but what I'm going to do is I'm going to read the link to break,
25:51imagining that it's playing.
25:53LAUGHTER
25:54OK.
25:55LAUGHTER
25:56Time for a much-needed break.
25:57We'll see you in a minute.
26:02Hello.
26:03Welcome back.
26:04It's part three, a taskmaster,
26:05and we're in the middle of a fiendish, a tricky team task.
26:06Hmm.
26:07It's not that tricky, Greg.
26:08I think some people are just thick.
26:09And at last, I've got an opinion.
26:10But now it's time to see how the team of three got on.
26:11It's Anya, Phil and Sanjeev.
26:12Oh, hello.
26:13Hi.
26:14Is your name Thompson?
26:15Yeah.
26:16Yeah.
26:17Yeah.
26:18Yeah.
26:19Yeah.
26:20Yeah.
26:21Yeah.
26:22Yeah.
26:23Yeah.
26:24Yeah.
26:25Yeah.
26:26Yeah.
26:27Yeah.
26:28Yeah.
26:29Yeah.
26:30Yeah.
26:31Yeah.
26:32Yeah.
26:33Yeah.
26:34Yeah.
26:35Yeah.
26:36Is your name Thompson?
26:38No.
26:41You all right?
26:42Yeah.
26:43Is that my question?
26:44Yeah.
26:45Out you come.
26:49Doesn't begin from A to G.
26:50Not H, R or J.
26:52Either K or L.
26:53Yes.
26:54Doesn't begin with a K.
26:55So it begins with an L.
26:56Yeah.
26:57Is your name Louise?
26:58No.
26:59It's not Louise!
27:00Is there a U?
27:01No.
27:05Snooker cue.
27:06Snooker clue.
27:09Right.
27:11Billiard snooker.
27:13Cue.
27:14Right.
27:15Is the second letter E?
27:18No.
27:22Are any letters repeated?
27:24No.
27:25There must be a quicker way to do this.
27:27I'll say, can you say yes when I point to the right letter?
27:31That's good.
27:32That's good.
27:33That's so clever.
27:34It is.
27:35The third letter of your name.
27:36Yes.
27:37Oh, right.
27:39I think it is Louise.
27:40I think they're lying.
27:41It's U.
27:42No, I asked her if there was a U in her name and she said no.
27:44I think she's a damn liar.
27:46The next letter is D.
27:48Loud.
27:50This isn't a name.
27:51It's called Loud.
27:52Yes.
27:53E?
27:54It's an E!
27:55Loud.
27:56OK, I'll just go.
27:57It makes no sense.
27:58Is that wrong?
27:59Yes.
28:00Guys, it's not.
28:01We've gone wrong.
28:02This has put me off making new people.
28:05The second last letter.
28:07Yes.
28:08OK.
28:09I asked about double letters before and you said there weren't any.
28:12That's a double letter.
28:13This is, like, insane.
28:14Why is nothing making sense?
28:15What the hell is going on?
28:16OK, guys, I said, are there clues as to how we can get your name somewhere?
28:20And she said yes.
28:21Oh, Thompson.
28:22Thompson.
28:23I was just thinking Thompson Twins.
28:24Got it.
28:25Is it in any way connected to the Thompson Twins?
28:27Yes.
28:28It is?
28:29She's a twin.
28:30They're twins.
28:31Twins are identical.
28:32They're repetition.
28:33Is it a name that sounds like...
28:34Oh!
28:35She's going to be like...
28:36Please say something good.
28:37I'm so panicked.
28:38Oh!
28:39Hi.
28:40There's two of them.
28:41There's two of them.
28:42There's two of them.
28:43There's two of them.
28:44Oh, it's a good one.
28:45You're a good one.
28:46Have you laid all the way?
28:47Is it in any way connected to the Thompson Twins?
28:49Yes.
28:50It is?
28:51She's a twin.
28:52They're twins?
28:53They're twins.
28:54Twins are identical.
28:55They're repetition.
28:56Is it a name that sounds like murder?
28:57Oh!
28:58She's going to be like...
29:00Please say something good.
29:01I'm so panicked.
29:02Oh, I'm so panicked.
29:03Oh!
29:04Hi.
29:05There's two of them.
29:06There's two of them.
29:07There's two of them.
29:08No, there's two of them. There's one behind the curtain.
29:11Oh, they keep swapping. They're twins.
29:13So Louise is probably right, I bet, for one.
29:15Yeah.
29:16We'll just keep going instead of your name Louise and we'll see what happens.
29:20Is your name Louise?
29:21No.
29:23Who did Phil ask?
29:25Are you Louise?
29:27No.
29:31Is your name Louise?
29:32No.
29:33No, this one's not Louise either.
29:36OK, hurry up.
29:37Yes.
29:38Yes.
29:39Yes!
29:40It's a swap.
29:42Is your name Louise?
29:43No.
29:44I was going to ask again.
29:46Is your name Louise?
29:47Yes.
29:48Brilliant, nice one, thanks.
29:49Are you having a nice time?
29:50Yes.
29:53Hello.
29:54Hi.
29:55Are you Louise?
29:56Yes.
29:57I've done the clock.
30:02Something that sums up the whole attempt was Anya,
30:05looking at Phil and going, please say something good.
30:10While Sanjeev was just sighing periodically.
30:15It felt like Sanjeev was babysitting us.
30:18You didn't have to find out both their names, you just had to say the name of the person in the lab.
30:21So you all got Louise, you never found out Lindsay's name.
30:24You took 19 and a half minutes longer than the other team.
30:28One hour and three minutes.
30:29Aw, Amy!
30:30Dream team!
30:31Dream team!
30:32One hour and three minutes.
30:33And also, at the end, Phil went in twice in a row.
30:35And you didn't take your turns at the end.
30:36There's that damn snooker cube!
30:39This has got a sting for you, Sanjeev, hasn't it?
30:42Do you know what?
30:43You just have to sit back, let the kids play.
30:46And, you know, at some point the parents will come back and you get paid and you go home.
30:51I mean, Remarkably, Maisie and Rhys have definitely won.
30:54So well done you.
30:55Five points for Maisie and Rhys.
30:56Do we get any points?
31:01Oh, I think...
31:02I'll give you one or two.
31:03I just haven't decided which yet.
31:05OK, when are you going to do that?
31:09I'll take one because it was my fault and I'd really like the other two to have two points.
31:14If you think...
31:15Wow!
31:16Do you know what, Phil?
31:17I agree!
31:18That is so lovely.
31:21Wow!
31:22That is lovely and sportsmanlike.
31:23And if you want one point, I agree, the whole team should help.
31:26LAUGHTER
31:31One point for the team of three.
31:32Well done.
31:35Let's have another task.
31:36Thank you for the opportunity, Greg.
31:37Right then, everyone.
31:38Come with me and let's have some good old-fashioned fun and games in the hutch.
31:43Ooh!
31:44MUSIC PLAYS
32:02Hiya.
32:04Traditional-looking game.
32:05It's a brand-new game.
32:06Oh, right, OK.
32:07Looks like an old game to me, but...
32:11Create your own snakes and steps board.
32:14You must add one snake and one set of steps.
32:18You must also add one mystery box.
32:20Ooh.
32:21The instruction inside the mystery box is up to you.
32:24You have ten minutes.
32:25Your time starts now.
32:27Ow!
32:28Oh, he really will stretch, won't he?
32:30Oops.
32:31Yeah.
32:33Right.
32:34Here we go.
32:35So, we're going to make some steps.
32:40They can grow back, anyway.
32:42I look at it as, like, life.
32:43You go, oh, well, first put on that old property step.
32:49Here I go.
32:50Oh!
32:52You must have a box.
32:53And this is just any rule?
32:54Yeah.
32:55So, you've got to do whatever this says.
32:57Mm-hm.
33:03That's going in the mystery box.
33:04And what number's that going on?
33:05It's on number 70.
33:0647, 48, 61, 62.
33:09It's a mystery.
33:10Thank you very much.
33:11Excellent, thank you.
33:12Look forward to playing your game.
33:13Er, you're on your own.
33:16Andrea thinks that if you cut a snake in half, it grows back.
33:20It does?
33:21No, it doesn't.
33:22OK.
33:23A worm, sure.
33:24If you cut a snake in half, it dies.
33:26LAUGHTER
33:29They're basically the same sort of guy.
33:31The film Worms on a Plane, it's not as...
33:33APPLAUSE
33:39OK, Greg, it's time to supersize things,
33:41while at the same time gaining further insight into Maisie Adams' memory.
33:45Ooh.
33:46Ooh.
33:47Oh, for fuck's sake.
33:48LAUGHTER
34:01Hello.
34:02Ooh.
34:03Oh.
34:04I remember this.
34:05Does it ring any bells?
34:06No.
34:07No, but I'm willing to venture into the unknown.
34:13Win, Snakes and Steps.
34:15This isn't the one I designed, though, is it?
34:17Well...
34:18Is it?
34:19Players will move from youngest to oldest.
34:22Players.
34:24Which players?
34:25So you're up against four other comedians.
34:27Oh, right.
34:28You must throw the die properly each time,
34:31and you must not tamper with the die.
34:33If you land on the head of a snake,
34:35you must slither down to its tail.
34:37I know the rules.
34:38If you land at the base of a step, you've got to climb it.
34:40If you land on the mystery box, you must do what it says.
34:44First to land exactly on the finishing seat wins.
34:47Your time starts...
34:50..now.
34:51And you'll be going fourth in the game because of your age.
34:53Oh, Christ!
34:57Which number do you think you'll be throwing?
35:00The...thanks.
35:01Mum taken.
35:02APPLAUSE
35:06So we've combined all their...
35:08That's what I was about to ask, just to clarify.
35:09Go for it.
35:10So that was all of them.
35:11That was all of them and one big bolt.
35:13It's worth noting that Phil's steps
35:15started at 11, 12, 13 and 14
35:18and went up to 71, the penultimate square,
35:22where his snake met the ladder
35:24and took you all the way back down to the beginning.
35:26But I presumed you would all think you would have to do it later on.
35:29None of you did.
35:31So, and you have no recollection of that whatsoever?
35:34There was a lot of weeks between when I did the one in the hutch
35:37and coming to that race course.
35:39Yeah, three.
35:40LAUGHTER
35:41OK, we're stopping for another break.
35:45In the final part of the show, someone will go home
35:48with all of the doors from Maisie Adams' home.
35:51LAUGHTER
35:52Don't worry, she won't remember.
35:54LAUGHTER
35:55We'll see you in a minute.
35:57APPLAUSE
35:58Hello.
35:59Thank you and welcome to the final part of the show.
36:10And if you think Tipping Point is exciting, get ready,
36:13cos you're about to see a giant game of snakes and steps.
36:17And also, you're wrong about Tipping Point.
36:19LAUGHTER
36:20That is bang out of order, Greg.
36:22Shout-out to Ben Shepard.
36:23Love you, bro.
36:24Seriously.
36:25LAUGHTER
36:26Now, for the game we've all been waiting for,
36:28and we're going to see four of them playing it.
36:31That's everyone apart from Rhys.
36:33And Rhys knows why.
36:35LAUGHTER
36:36Who do you think the youngest is, Anya?
36:37Me.
36:38You get to go first.
36:39Yes!
36:41Five!
36:43That's a five.
36:47Oh, that was lame, so I'm here.
36:48Correct.
36:50Come on, Daddy needs some new shoes.
36:52It's gone overboard.
36:54Six!
36:55That's good, that.
36:56Yeah.
36:57I think it's a six, innit?
36:58Why is it a six?
36:59Just nod the camera if you can see a six.
37:02We're on a six, baby!
37:03You're taking that as a six.
37:04One, two, three, four, five, six.
37:06That ladder goes all the way up to 71.
37:08Oh, really?
37:09Five.
37:10Three.
37:11Oh, these are ladders.
37:12Oh, these are for mine.
37:13Mm-hm.
37:14Oh, I know what's going to happen.
37:16What's going to happen, Phil?
37:17Can I throw this anywhere on the floor?
37:18Ideally, we're sort of just in front of you here.
37:21OK.
37:22Oh, you've got to the base of some steps.
37:23Right.
37:24Yeah, you're at number 71.
37:25That was a good move.
37:26OK.
37:27Can I throw it here?
37:28Oh, unfortunately, you're actually on a snake there.
37:30Well, that's kind of useless.
37:32That's a daft game.
37:33I agree with you.
37:34Should I just start again?
37:35Well, I think you have to, yeah.
37:36All right.
37:37Why would you put a ladder up to where you're going to have a snake?
37:39You're going to have to ask Phil.
37:41Phil?
37:42Phil Ellis.
37:43Did he design the course?
37:44Because that's favouritism if you're letting some of us design it.
37:48Whoever put a snake there is an absolute moron.
37:51Oh, no, there's a snake.
37:52Phil's snake.
37:53Phil is a snake.
37:54Right.
37:55Welcome back to the start.
37:56You do have an extra throw because you've got a six.
37:59Three.
38:00Three.
38:01Three.
38:02Three.
38:03Three.
38:04One, two, three.
38:05I think that goes to the end.
38:06Hey!
38:08That's Anya's ladder.
38:09Where does it take you?
38:10To the finish.
38:12Congratulations, Maisie.
38:13Why is it Anya's ladder, though?
38:15Don't worry about that.
38:17Come on.
38:18Congratulations.
38:19That is the end of Snakes and Steps.
38:21I feel sorry for the amount of set-up, for the amount of length of time that took, really.
38:25I feel guilty.
38:31I don't want to make you paranoid, but it is incredible, isn't it?
38:33I'm worried now.
38:34I think I need to get checked.
38:36So, Phil basically ruined everyone's.
38:39But luckily, Anya'd put one on number four, and they all threw a three,
38:42which got them to four, and they got to the end pretty quick.
38:44Very competitive.
38:45Mm.
38:46But why has Rhys been singled out?
38:49What happened?
38:50Brush your teeth.
38:51Grab a sleeping bag.
38:52It is time for Rhys's attempt, with thanks, of course, to Phil Ellis.
38:57Here we go.
38:58Oh, no!
39:00OK.
39:01Oh, you're at the base of a ladder.
39:02She goes all the way up to here.
39:05Oh, now I only need one.
39:07No, you don't, because where are you now?
39:09What?
39:10Isn't that the end?
39:11That's just one.
39:12That's the end, yeah, but there's something else on 71.
39:18Who put that there?
39:19Phil.
39:23Four.
39:24So, you're going up your own ladder.
39:27Oh, is it secure?
39:28No.
39:31Oh, a mystery boxed.
39:32Oh, look at it.
39:33Yeah, that's exciting.
39:34Urgh!
39:35Urgh!
39:36You are bitten by a snake.
39:38I need an antidote, and it's found on square nine.
39:41Do you remember who wrote that?
39:42I think I wrote it, didn't I?
39:4535.
39:47They're all doing this.
39:48Yeah.
39:51Urgh!
39:53I'm all right now.
39:54Great.
39:55Four.
39:56Ah, there's quite a big ladder.
39:57Oh, yep.
40:04Do you want a hand?
40:05No!
40:06I don't!
40:07You're going up Phil's ladder.
40:09But now I'm on Phil's snake.
40:10Yep.
40:11Does it activate again?
40:12It's not a single-use snake.
40:13Not a single-use snake.
40:16Oh, fuck.
40:17And then there's a five, okay?
40:18Three, four, five.
40:19Up to the top of there, down there.
40:22Four!
40:23Up the ladder down the snake, back to the start.
40:24There we go again.
40:25Up the ladder down the snake, back to the start.
40:26Down the snake, back to the start.
40:27Done with this.
40:28One.
40:29Oh.
40:30Maze's ladder.
40:31Yep.
40:32Can this be one?
40:33Will I ever be able to end it?
40:34Yeah, just with the right attitude.
40:36What do you mean?
40:37What's that supposed to mean?
40:39I've got to roll again, but I'm going to look at this.
40:41Hey, mate.
40:43Read the next one.
40:44Read the next note.
40:46How's things?
40:48PTO.
40:50Read the next one.
40:51Who did this?
40:52Phil.
40:54Go back to the start.
40:57Came to deserve this.
40:58I just did an antidote thing.
40:59It didn't affect anybody.
41:03I'm first.
41:04Back down.
41:05Four.
41:06Nice.
41:07So you just need a five or a six?
41:08What did you say? A five or a six?
41:09Mm-hmm.
41:11OK.
41:15Five.
41:16Five.
41:17Great.
41:18You cleared the ladder.
41:19Two.
41:20That's fine.
41:2117.
41:22Three.
41:23Six.
41:24Six.
41:2533.
41:26Five.
41:27Four.
41:28Six.
41:29Two.
41:30Three.
41:31Five.
41:3265.
41:33You've got to throw a seven to finish.
41:34I need a seven.
41:35Six.
41:38That's the worst you could have thrown.
41:40Six.
41:41I'll start again.
41:42I'll just tell you what you needed.
41:43The four is in this.
41:45It's just a bouncy stupid thing with the numbers on it.
41:47No.
41:48Spend downstairs.
41:49Three.
41:50You're at the base of Anya's ladder.
41:51And then I come all the way down.
41:53Follow it up and see what happens.
41:55Oh, my God!
42:07I do not... I think...
42:10Can we swap seats?
42:13I mean, I've suggested there's a bubbling rage in you, Rhys,
42:16but I thought you were remarkably well-humoured, considering.
42:19Thank you, yeah.
42:22Except when you went,
42:24it's just a bouncy, stupid thing with numbers on.
42:27I thought maybe the cracks were starting to show then.
42:29It was a lot of bad luck in that.
42:31It looked like it took a lifetime.
42:33Yeah, I mean, it's not even about speed, it's the number of rolls,
42:35but it did take 42 minutes, so...
42:37Same as with the twins, really.
42:39How many rolls?
42:4132 throws.
42:43And you did it in three and two and three?
42:45Yeah, two... Well, there's a system, you know, when you know...
42:48Avoid the snake, really.
42:51LAUGHTER
42:53Not rocket science, mate.
42:55LAUGHTER
42:58Rhys gets one point, two points to Anya, three throws,
43:01three points to Phil, but they both got two throws,
43:04so they get five points each.
43:06The winners are Maisie and Sam Jean.
43:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:11It is, of course, now time to head to the stage
43:14for the final task of the show!
43:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:22Who will be reading the task, though?
43:24Rhys Shearsmith, please.
43:26Turn your cup triangle completely upside down.
43:31Oh!
43:33Your upside down cup triangle must be freestanding
43:37and you must obey the instructions written on each layer.
43:41If any cups fall, you must completely start again.
43:44Mm-hm.
43:45You may not affect other people's cup triangles.
43:49Wait, what does it mean?
43:51I'm not finished.
43:52Oh.
43:53LAUGHTER
43:54Fastest wins.
43:56LAUGHTER
43:57On your mark.
43:58Get set.
43:59And they're off.
44:01Right hand behind back.
44:03Right hand behind back.
44:04Oh, borrowed.
44:07This is interesting.
44:08Right eye shut.
44:09Right eye shut.
44:10She's bypassed the first two instructions.
44:12There's no rules against that, I suppose.
44:14Right foot off the ground.
44:16What?
44:17Right foot off the ground.
44:18Right foot off the ground.
44:19Oh.
44:21So you need to rebuild your triangle.
44:23Get the fuck off!
44:29Oh, Sanjeev.
44:30Mouth open, tongue out groaning.
44:32Ah!
44:33Ah!
44:34Ah!
44:35Ah!
44:36Ah!
44:37Ah!
44:38Ah!
44:39Ah!
44:40If you could start again, please, Maisie.
44:41Can you start again, please, Maisie?
44:42Oh!
44:43Lovely!
44:44Right foot off the ground.
44:46Oh!
44:47Lovely!
44:48Right foot off the ground.
44:49Oh!
44:50Oh!
44:51Oh!
44:52Oh!
44:53Oh!
44:54Oh!
44:55Oh!
44:56Oh!
44:57Oh!
44:58Oh!
44:59Oh!
45:00Oh!
45:01Oh!
45:02Oh!
45:03Oh, Rhys.
45:04The cups are the wrong way up.
45:05Oh!
45:06Oh!
45:07Oh!
45:08Oh!
45:09Oh!
45:10Oh!
45:11Oh!
45:12Oh!
45:13Oh!
45:14Oh!
45:15Oh!
45:16Oh!
45:17Oh!
45:18Oh!
45:19Oh!
45:20Oh!
45:21Oh!
45:22Oh!
45:23Oh!
45:24Oh!
45:25Oh!
45:26Oh!
45:27Oh!
45:28Oh!
45:29Oh!
45:30Oh!
45:31Oh!
45:32Oh!
45:33Oh!
45:34Oh!
45:35Oh, is it going to be close?
45:37HE SINGS
45:39HE SINGS
45:41Give it up to him!
45:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:45It's actually done now, but let's see, old man.
45:47HE SINGS
45:49LAUGHTER
45:51Wonderful. We'll head back to your final scores.
45:53Come down and join me!
45:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:01That's exciting stuff.
46:03Yes. So Rhys got one point in that one.
46:05Maisie, two. Sanjeev, three. Phil, four.
46:07But the winner of the task was Anya, with five points.
46:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:13And so? I'm sorry.
46:14But the winner of the episode, with 19 points,
46:17it is...
46:19Maisie Adams!
46:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:23Maisie Adams wins!
46:25Please, five cups to the stage
46:27for your unlikely high cup party!
46:31So...
46:33What? What have we learnt today?
46:35Well, I believe we've learnt the very definition of victory.
46:39Is it the person with the most points?
46:41No.
46:42Is it the person who heads home with the prizes?
46:44No.
46:45The definition of victory is getting a fellow competitor
46:48to take home a vial of your own piss.
46:51LAUGHTER
46:52We'll see you next time, but for now,
46:54here's the episode winner, Maisie Adams!
46:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:57MUSIC PLAYS
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