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00:00:00Who's going to be the new Ranger?
00:00:02One, two, three!
00:00:12Come take a ride!
00:00:15We're just gonna dance this Wednesday night!
00:00:18This Wednesday night!
00:00:20And now the beauty of the
00:00:22Chris Kessler Show!
00:00:24Chris Kessler Show!
00:00:26Whoa!
00:00:27Chris Kessler Show!
00:00:29Chris Kessler Show!
00:00:36Okay.
00:00:40Okay.
00:00:53Thank you guys!
00:00:54Thanks everybody!
00:00:55So much.
00:00:56Thank you so much.
00:00:57Welcome to the Chris Kessler Show.
00:00:58I'm your host, Chris Gethard.
00:00:59I want to say hi to everybody watching at MNN.
00:01:01We want to say hi to everybody watching at thechrisgethardshow.com.
00:01:04We want to welcome you all to a very historic night at the Chris Gethard Show, because tonight
00:01:08we'll meet the people who may become the third random of the show.
00:01:13So, just to explain for any new viewers of the show, during our second episode we got a call
00:01:18from a young lady named Jean.
00:01:20She asked us why we were doing this show.
00:01:22We said, we don't know.
00:01:23Why don't you come to the studio, hang out?
00:01:25She wound up being a cast member for 15 straight weeks, and we called her Random Jean because
00:01:29she just randomly showed up.
00:01:31And she left.
00:01:32We went to the contest replacer.
00:01:33That's where we met Random Andrew.
00:01:35Tonight, Random Andrew, your last official night on the show.
00:01:39Very sad.
00:01:40Very sad.
00:01:41So, tonight we're going to meet, I believe we've got 11, all told, 11 contestants vying
00:01:46to be the new random.
00:01:47Each one gets 90 seconds to come out here, pitch their case for why they should be the
00:01:51new random.
00:01:52At 90 seconds, our producer Drew will blow a vulu zela.
00:01:55They've got to wrap it up.
00:01:56If they had two minutes, they will be forcibly dragged off the stage.
00:01:59And they're not a team player if they're taking up all that screen time.
00:02:02And you, the viewer at home, as soon as the show is over, you can go to thechrisgethardshow.com,
00:02:06vote for your favorite candidate.
00:02:08Top two vote-getters will come back next week.
00:02:10Polls close, 11.59pm on Valentine's Day.
00:02:13Top two vote-getters come back next week, go through a series of trials to see who will
00:02:18be the new random once and for all.
00:02:20So, I want to say hello to my friend Shannon O'Neill.
00:02:22How are you?
00:02:23Welcome.
00:02:24That's good.
00:02:25Bethany, how are you doing?
00:02:27I'm really sad that Andrew is leaving.
00:02:30You are.
00:02:31Now, Bethany and Shannon, what qualities are you looking for in the next random?
00:02:34Not a, like, no creeps.
00:02:36No creeps?
00:02:37No creeps.
00:02:38Okay.
00:02:39Like, I want you random, normal, but you can like, there can be something off about
00:02:44you.
00:02:45Okay.
00:02:46Bethany, what are you looking for?
00:02:47Yeah.
00:02:48Well, I always sit next to the random, so somebody that doesn't smell.
00:02:52Okay.
00:02:53And, and just, I like, I like nice people.
00:02:56Nice people.
00:02:57Great.
00:02:58So, I'd go for that.
00:02:59All right.
00:03:00Good to see you guys again.
00:03:01Thank you, LLC, for playing us in.
00:03:02The greatest band in public access history.
00:03:06We got the man behind the plant.
00:03:07We got Mimi on the hoops.
00:03:08Very happy to have them.
00:03:09And later on in the show, we will have the debutant hour playing live music.
00:03:13Very excited about that.
00:03:15And if you want to call us up, 212-757-1393.
00:03:18Say goodbye to Andrew and let us know what you look for in a random.
00:03:21What will influence your vote.
00:03:22So, why don't you give us a call?
00:03:24Yeah.
00:03:25Yeah.
00:03:26Yeah.
00:03:27Why don't you give us a call?
00:03:28Yeah.
00:03:29Yeah.
00:03:30Yeah.
00:03:31Yeah.
00:03:32Yeah.
00:03:33Yeah.
00:03:34Yeah.
00:03:35Yeah.
00:03:36Yeah.
00:03:37Yeah.
00:03:38And of course, random Andrew is here saying goodbye.
00:03:40Saying goodbye. I'm super sad. I'm going to try not to cry. That is genuine.
00:03:43I want to thank you for being here.
00:03:45I've learned so much about how this show works from being here with you.
00:03:49When you first took over for Gene, you were replacing a beloved member of the show.
00:03:53You took a lot of shit. People hated you.
00:03:55And you were just a very nice, fresh-faced, enthusiastic 19-year-old guy.
00:04:00And you just took it. You just took it and owned it.
00:04:03And you didn't get upset. We tried to figure out how to make something out of that.
00:04:07And we eventually killed that bit. No one's going to be mean to you.
00:04:09And I've got to say, Andrew, you're a real nice guy.
00:04:11And you also proved yourself to be quite the fighter.
00:04:14And I think you're going to go very far in your life because of those two qualities.
00:04:17If you're a good guy and you also know how to get in there and fight for stuff,
00:04:20I think you're going to turn out all right, random Andrew.
00:04:22So what do you want to say before we meet the people who will usurp you tonight?
00:04:27I'm really flustered because I showed up here late.
00:04:30You did?
00:04:30Yeah, because my class went out late so we could watch babies have skin disorders.
00:04:34Doesn't answer your question.
00:04:35No, I'm just saying. So I'm feeling not very focused.
00:04:39But I'm, you know, listen, I came on to the show.
00:04:41I knew the rules that I only had 15 or 16 or however many weeks.
00:04:45Didn't expect to last this long.
00:04:47I thought the night you made me fight people was like the night you were going to get me off the show finally.
00:04:52You did a great job fighting those people and kept me around.
00:04:55I'm really excited to meet the 13 new randoms.
00:04:58And, you know, I could really vouch for how they're probably feeling tonight.
00:05:01It's nerve-wracking.
00:05:01It's nerve-wracking.
00:05:02And a couple people have already bailed.
00:05:04I think we've got 11 all told.
00:05:05Right, Noah?
00:05:05Right, Drew?
00:05:0611.
00:05:07So why don't we, before we even get to the calls, remember, 212-757-1393.
00:05:10Say goodbye to Andrew.
00:05:11Tell us what you're looking for in a random.
00:05:13I think we should get our first one under the belt, right?
00:05:14Let's do it.
00:05:15We randomly drew the order.
00:05:16Once everyone submitted, this was totally random.
00:05:18First up, let's welcome Random Brian to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
00:05:22Who's gonna be the new random?
00:05:27Are you gonna be the new random friend?
00:05:32Brian.
00:05:32And, Brian, I'm going to ask you just straight to camera.
00:05:34Your 90 seconds begins as soon as you start talking.
00:05:37Rock on.
00:05:38Welcome to the show.
00:05:38Happy to have you.
00:05:40I had a whole thing planned, but I actually want to take the time to apologize to Random Andrew.
00:05:45Wow.
00:05:46You probably don't remember this.
00:05:47I wouldn't expect you to.
00:05:48What's your Twitter name?
00:05:49Brian versus you.
00:05:51Nothing on Twitter.
00:05:52The episode where you had to fight people.
00:05:54Yeah.
00:05:54You probably don't remember this.
00:05:56I'm the guy who called in asking for a nut shot.
00:05:58Kicked in the balls.
00:05:59I want to explain myself.
00:06:00Yeah.
00:06:00Because I got the jerk face song, and I felt terrible about it.
00:06:03Yeah, you were a jerk face, man.
00:06:05It was my second episode I had watched.
00:06:07And I'm like, all right, it's a bit.
00:06:08They got this guy.
00:06:09Everybody hates him.
00:06:10Everybody calls it.
00:06:10It's a thing.
00:06:10I want to play.
00:06:12And, uh.
00:06:13Okay.
00:06:13Turns out, I think I felt really bad about that.
00:06:16Okay.
00:06:17So I want to abandon what I was going to do.
00:06:18And, uh.
00:06:20Apologize.
00:06:21Thanks, man.
00:06:21What were you going to do?
00:06:22I just want to know.
00:06:23What's that?
00:06:23What were you going to do?
00:06:24Oh, well, I was going to go into.
00:06:26This is 16-year-old me.
00:06:29This is a flattering picture of 16-year-old me.
00:06:33Uh.
00:06:34Loser is the new nerd.
00:06:35This is the loser king.
00:06:37Wow.
00:06:38He has acne, hardcore, once again, flattering picture, at least three warts on every finger.
00:06:45I don't know if he couldn't talk to girls, because he couldn't get them to not run away
00:06:49screaming.
00:06:50Wow.
00:06:51Regardless, he would have loved this show.
00:06:54And he would have shit his pants that he could possibly have the opportunity to be a part
00:06:59of it.
00:06:59So, I'm not saying I'll cry if you don't vote me in, but, uh, 16-year-old Brian would
00:07:05appreciate it.
00:07:06Okay.
00:07:07Random Brian.
00:07:08Welcome to our family.
00:07:11Thanks, everybody.
00:07:11It's been a real pleasure.
00:07:13Viewers out there, hope you're taking notes.
00:07:15Random Brian, an apology to Andrew, uh, revealing of your, of your 16-year-old past.
00:07:20Uh, remember, if you want to vote for Random Brian, as soon as the show ends, thechrisgethertshow.com.
00:07:25Let's hook it up.
00:07:25Let's go to the phones.
00:07:26It looks like we've got Andrew in Ohio.
00:07:28Welcome to the show.
00:07:30Hey.
00:07:31How are you?
00:07:32Welcome, Andrew.
00:07:33How's it going?
00:07:35What do you want to talk about, Andrew?
00:07:37Um, well, I just started watching your show this week.
00:07:41Cool.
00:07:41And I really enjoy it.
00:07:43So, yeah, I've watched about, like, 15 hours.
00:07:47Oh, wow.
00:07:4815 hours in a week.
00:07:49Okay, okay.
00:07:49I have no life.
00:07:51Awesome.
00:07:51You belong here.
00:07:52You belong here.
00:07:55Did you have any opinions on the Random Contest based on what you've seen so far?
00:08:00I'm just afraid of for your guys' safety.
00:08:02Like, what if you guys, like, get one person who, like, goes insane?
00:08:05A valid question that I'm often wondering.
00:08:08You just let, like, anybody come here.
00:08:09Yeah.
00:08:10This is not a joke.
00:08:11We do not pre-screen these people.
00:08:12I've never met them.
00:08:13Yeah.
00:08:14Yeah.
00:08:14Yeah.
00:08:15Great.
00:08:16Well, Angie.
00:08:17Oh, I should also mention the human fish not here tonight.
00:08:20I forgot.
00:08:21Here's what happened.
00:08:22I was walking to the show with the human fish when I heard a conch.
00:08:27Someone blew a conch in the direction of the Hudson River, and he just sprinted towards
00:08:32the water.
00:08:33I don't know where he went, but hopefully he'll be back next week and explain himself.
00:08:36It's a cold night, too.
00:08:37It's a cold night, but someone in the water needed his help.
00:08:41I bet he's warmer underwater.
00:08:42I think so, yes.
00:08:44Well, Andrew from Ohio, thank you for the call.
00:08:47Should we get right into the next contestant, Drew?
00:08:49No?
00:08:49Yeah, okay.
00:08:51I believe that means we have Random Michelle, right?
00:08:53Random Michelle.
00:08:54Welcome to the show.
00:08:58Random Michelle, thank you so much for being a part of this.
00:09:02Random Michelle getting some cheers.
00:09:04So, Random Michelle, right to camera, whatever you want to say.
00:09:07So am I bright red already?
00:09:10So not only am I Random Michelle, but I'm convinced I'm the most horribly awkward human
00:09:15being on the face of the planet.
00:09:16And this is a discussion that you and I actually had via email that I bet when I finally work
00:09:23up the nerve for you to sign my book that I'd be really shy and awkward about it.
00:09:27And I'm convinced that I won.
00:09:29Even though you said that, you're pretty sure you won that battle.
00:09:32And I kind of have a confession to make as to why that I've been really shy and awkward
00:09:37about it.
00:09:38It's that I kind of have a crush on you.
00:09:40On me?
00:09:41On you.
00:09:41Yeah.
00:09:41Yeah.
00:09:41Yeah.
00:09:41Yeah.
00:09:41Yeah.
00:09:42Yeah.
00:09:43Yeah.
00:09:43Yeah.
00:09:43Yeah.
00:09:44Yeah.
00:09:45Yeah.
00:09:46Yeah.
00:09:46Yeah.
00:09:47Yeah.
00:09:48Yeah.
00:09:49Yeah.
00:09:50Yeah.
00:09:51Yeah.
00:09:52Yeah.
00:09:53Yeah.
00:09:54Yeah.
00:09:55Yeah.
00:09:56Yeah.
00:09:57So if you all want to watch me be giggly and bright red like I am now for the next 15
00:10:03weeks, then I really need all of your votes because it will be awkward and it will probably
00:10:08be really embarrassing.
00:10:09Sounds uncomfortable for everyone.
00:10:10Sounds uncomfortable for everyone.
00:10:11Sounds uncomfortable for everyone.
00:10:12Sounds uncomfortable for everyone.
00:10:13Wow.
00:10:14So are you ceding the rest of your time, Michelle?
00:10:16Or did you want to talk?
00:10:17I'm done.
00:10:18What do you have to say?
00:10:19I'm very flustered.
00:10:20That's just going to be a great like 15 weeks of like awkward gazing.
00:10:23Who is your second crush on the show?
00:10:27Oh my God.
00:10:28But I said it first.
00:10:29Clearly that would be you, Shannon.
00:10:30Yeah.
00:10:31Look at that right there.
00:10:32Okay.
00:10:33You're done.
00:10:34Rana Michelle.
00:10:35A guy.
00:10:36I believe that's James from Scotland.
00:10:37This guy watching the show from Scotland.
00:10:38Motherfucker, she's got my vote.
00:10:39Rana Michelle.
00:10:40Welcome.
00:10:41All right.
00:10:42Let's go back to the phone.
00:10:43What does that say?
00:10:44I can't read.
00:10:45Is that anonymous?
00:10:46No, I can't read.
00:10:47I can't read.
00:10:48I can't read.
00:10:49I can't read.
00:10:50I can't read.
00:10:51I can't read.
00:10:52I can't read.
00:10:53I can't read.
00:10:54I can't read.
00:10:55I can't read.
00:10:56I can't read.
00:10:57I can't read.
00:10:58I can't read.
00:10:59Is that anonymous?
00:11:00No, I can't read.
00:11:01That says Arian.
00:11:02Arian from Pittsburgh.
00:11:03Arian nation.
00:11:04Orion?
00:11:05Arian?
00:11:06Hello from Pittsburgh.
00:11:09You're on.
00:11:10You're about to be off.
00:11:12I feel bad.
00:11:13You've got to turn down your TV.
00:11:14You've got to answer us.
00:11:15Going one to Pittsburgh.
00:11:16Yeah, yeah.
00:11:17You're on.
00:11:18What's up?
00:11:19Hey.
00:11:20Yeah, really hard to hear you guys.
00:11:21Oh, sorry.
00:11:22Yeah.
00:11:23I don't know.
00:11:24I just want to say sorry the human fish isn't there.
00:11:26Me too.
00:11:27Me too.
00:11:28That whole conch thing, that's rough.
00:11:30Yeah.
00:11:31Yeah, that conch thing is rough.
00:11:34I mean, risk you take when you have a half human, half fish.
00:11:37It is.
00:11:38It is.
00:11:39I mean, you get a guy who's half man, half fish, and sometimes the sea will beckon him.
00:11:43Yep.
00:11:44Has to happen.
00:11:45Just want to give a shout out to Mimi.
00:11:47Oh, yeah.
00:11:48Mimi on the Woods.
00:11:49Got it.
00:11:50Driveway alley.
00:11:51Driveway alley.
00:11:52Driveway alley.
00:11:53Too small.
00:11:54Too small.
00:11:55Too small.
00:11:56Too small.
00:11:57Wrong side.
00:11:58I need a Tuesday, Friday hydrant walkway.
00:12:04If Pennsylvania had moved up.
00:12:07Funeral home, church, bad luck you'll get broken into.
00:12:11Do you think I can fit there?
00:12:17Do you think I can fit there?
00:12:22Do you—
00:12:25you can dance to this part, too.
00:12:27You think I can?
00:12:29Interpretive dancing is good, yeah.
00:12:30Do you think I can't?
00:12:35Do you think I can fit there?
00:12:39Do you—
00:12:43Do you think I can't?
00:12:46Do you think I can't?
00:12:49I think I see something .
00:12:51I think I see something, tell me, is that something up there?
00:13:02Tell me, I think I see something, I think I see, tell me, is that something up there?
00:13:21No, it's a hydrant, too small, too small, too small, driveway alley, driveway alley, driveway alley, too small, too small, too small, too small, wrong side, I need a Tuesday, Friday, hydrant walkway.
00:13:41Yeah, if Pennsylvania had moved up, funeral home, church, bad luck, you'll get broken into, do you think I can?
00:13:51How many gods must I appease today?
00:13:54How many gods, how many gods did I offend?
00:13:56In the city that seems so many more than in the Midwest, they say you just have to want it without wanting it, but that takes more cool than I've got.
00:14:09I wasn't born with a lot, so now I'm stuck, wanting the things that I want and wondering, do, do, do, do, do, do, do you think I'll fit?
00:14:19Debutan hour.
00:14:26Check them out Friday, Union Hall, don't miss it.
00:14:30Banana Man, what did you think of that?
00:14:32That was moving.
00:14:32That was moving.
00:14:34Alright, this Friday, Union Hall in New York City, get out there, let's go for it.
00:14:38In the meantime, we've got a very special caller on the line.
00:14:40Let's go ahead, let's check in with our old friend, Alyssa.
00:14:43Oh yeah.
00:14:45Checking in with Alyssa.
00:14:47Checking in with Alyssa.
00:14:49Alyssa, what's up?
00:14:51Alright, Alyssa, how are you?
00:14:53I'm good, how are you?
00:14:54Pretty good, so what did you want to tell us what's up with the new random, you want to tell us what's up with Andrew, and before you say a word, Shannon, cool out.
00:15:07Okay.
00:15:11What's up, Alyssa, what do you want to talk about?
00:15:13Oh, well, the other day in my English, this is really stupid, I don't know.
00:15:19The other day in my English class, we were getting our midterms back and I got kind of nervous, and my teacher called me out on that, and she said that I get very visibly nervous and that I need to stop.
00:15:31And then she asked everybody in my class if they've known me for a long time, which a lot of them I've known since kindergarten, and she asked me if I've always been, she asked them if I've always been this nervous, and they all said in unison, yes.
00:15:45And I get it, and I get it, I know, and I don't want to hear about it anymore.
00:15:51Yeah, that sounds like a traumatizing adolescent experience you'll never forget.
00:15:55I don't know.
00:15:56It definitely was.
00:15:57I don't like your English teacher.
00:16:00Yeah.
00:16:00Yeah.
00:16:01Yeah, she's kind of, she's really scary.
00:16:02Yeah, I've got, I have nothing, uh, terrible to say, except I want to find your English teacher, and I want to destroy her.
00:16:12She sounds like a terrible person.
00:16:16Yeah.
00:16:17I will, I will take a dildo and fuck her in half.
00:16:22Okay, okay, there we go.
00:16:25Now, Alyssa, can I reveal the big news coming in a couple weeks?
00:16:29Sure.
00:16:30Rumor is, Alyssa, you're going to make your live debut on the show in a couple weeks, February 22nd.
00:16:40Is that the truth?
00:16:42Yes.
00:16:42Now, hearing about, what did you say, about 80 people in here, 90 people, clap, cheer, your presence, does that make you nervous?
00:16:51Probably.
00:16:54Well, and I hear, are your parents coming down, too?
00:16:57My dad is.
00:16:58Your dad.
00:16:58Maybe we'll have old Shannon O'Neill apologize to your dad face to face.
00:17:02No, you would refuse?
00:17:04Well, I have nothing to apologize for.
00:17:06All right, so, Alyssa, anything else, anything else you want to talk about tonight?
00:17:09We're psyched to meet you in a couple weeks.
00:17:12Um, no.
00:17:13Okay.
00:17:15This is the last time you'll ever speak to random Andrew.
00:17:18Bye, Andrew.
00:17:19Bye, Alyssa.
00:17:20I'll talk to you on Twitter.
00:17:21Great hearing from you, Alyssa.
00:17:22I think we've got to get a couple randoms in, right?
00:17:24I believe, is this, uh...
00:17:25Okay, but I have more questions for Andrew.
00:17:27We do not have time.
00:17:28Me too, though.
00:17:29We've got to get...
00:17:29He's like the student of the week.
00:17:31We don't have time.
00:17:33One question.
00:17:34Okay.
00:17:35I'll read it.
00:17:36Okay, something I did, something I did that makes me very proud of myself is...
00:17:42Oh, ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome Random Sky.
00:17:46Random Sky.
00:17:48Sky, welcome.
00:17:50Random Sky, welcome to the show.
00:17:59So I get very inspired by Phil Jackson, who comes on the show and does slam poetry, so
00:18:03I did one myself, and it's called I'm Like.
00:18:06Here we go.
00:18:08I'm like a hurricane.
00:18:09I come prematurely.
00:18:11I've got a girl's name.
00:18:12I'm like a walking double entendre.
00:18:15Like if Jane Fonda and Wanda Sykes were in a Honda, gripping too tight on the steering wheel.
00:18:19I don't conceal my genteel.
00:18:21I'm like a quitter of sin.
00:18:22I'm like a for real Ally McBeal, bitter and thin.
00:18:26Ooga Chaka, Ooga Chaka, 1990s, dancing baby.
00:18:30Where's that baby's parents, JonBenet Ramsey?
00:18:34Did OJ do it?
00:18:35The glove was left handy.
00:18:37Now this seems shady, but these seams will rip like lickety-split.
00:18:42That's a tongue roll, because I'm an old soul.
00:18:44So from the YouTube troll to lately my own birth control, that I am not like the first lady,
00:18:50random Jean, I'm not like random Andrew, and damn, it's true, the most awkward first date
00:18:54that I have ever seen.
00:18:56I am not like random Chris, random Shannon, or random Murph.
00:18:59I'm like random Sky with 15 weeks of turf.
00:19:03I'm like a dirty oral award.
00:19:05I'm like a dental plaque.
00:19:07I'm like a Nicholson on call.
00:19:08I'm like a phone jack.
00:19:10I'm like a cutting-edge hobby.
00:19:12I'm like a Knicks knack.
00:19:13I'm like a paper with powers.
00:19:15I'm like a power book.
00:19:16Mac.
00:19:16Now somebody once said that your attitude determines your latitude,
00:19:20and if that's true, I'm in the mood to be booed in the nude and viewed on the boob tube
00:19:24on a live family feud.
00:19:25Ding!
00:19:26Survey says, or what can we conclude?
00:19:28That this is just my way for me to say hi,
00:19:32and that all of you should vote for me, because I'm like random Sky.
00:19:36Wow!
00:19:37Whoa!
00:19:38Very intense.
00:19:40Random Sky, welcome.
00:19:43An impressive verbal attack.
00:19:46Man, I've learned that all these randoms either have more talent or are more funny than I am.
00:19:52You did some bullshit, full house nonsense that I still don't understand.
00:19:56I just like, I thought I was doing the low-key thing,
00:19:59and then I was like sitting down with like Pat and another friend.
00:20:02You know, Pat works, he's right there, he doesn't work the phones now.
00:20:05And we're like, what to do?
00:20:06And I'm like, maybe I'll read a script, because I'm an actor.
00:20:09But people fucking hate actors.
00:20:11It did not work out well.
00:20:12That was stupid.
00:20:13Yeah, it was.
00:20:14And I still, and you panicked halfway through, it was awful.
00:20:17Really?
00:20:18You know what I like about Random Sky?
00:20:19What's that?
00:20:20We could make our own meth product and call it Random Sky.
00:20:24That's good.
00:20:25It's a good name for a drug that you sell on the street.
00:20:28Named after a drug.
00:20:29Random Sky.
00:20:29Seems like Shannon, very impressed with Random Sky.
00:20:32It's good.
00:20:32Okay, I think we'll get right to another one, right?
00:20:35Okay, let's go ahead.
00:20:36Random Lauren.
00:20:37Welcome to the show, Random Lauren.
00:20:41How are you, everyone?
00:20:43Welcome.
00:20:43Who's going to be in Random, Random Lauren?
00:20:48Whoa, she already got some fans.
00:20:50Yeah, that's wonderful.
00:20:52Random Lauren, I guess, sounds okay, right?
00:20:54Yeah.
00:20:54Yeah.
00:20:56Yeah, bullet points, it's fine.
00:20:58Okay, so I started watching the Chris Gethard Show about three weeks ago.
00:21:02And I don't know, I mean, if you guys want to do the math, go for it.
00:21:05But that obviously means I had to pull a few all-nighters, and it was totally worth it.
00:21:10No regrets.
00:21:11I'm fine with it.
00:21:12Okay.
00:21:12So I made a list of why I'd be a good Random on your show.
00:21:18So here we go.
00:21:19Six reasons why I would be a good Random and or contributor.
00:21:25All right, here we go.
00:21:25Number one, I'm Random.
00:21:31Number two, some people have called me the Black Tina Fey, so we can work with that.
00:21:36The Black Tina Fey!
00:21:38I like that!
00:21:40We can't get the White Tina Fey.
00:21:41We could never!
00:21:43We could never!
00:21:43I mean, yeah, next question.
00:21:44That's great.
00:21:45Number three, I'm smart, but I often confuse who Dennis Quaid and Dan Quayle are.
00:21:52So if that ever comes up in conversation, that's like, that's what I need.
00:21:57Especially if there aren't photos, it's a mess.
00:21:59Anyways, number four through six, I'm a loser.
00:22:03I failed at Girl Scouts, number four, which, I mean, I quit, but, like, why would you do
00:22:09that?
00:22:09That's, like, the funnest thing, you know?
00:22:13Five, baton twirling.
00:22:15They literally would not allow me to ascend to the next level because I injured too many
00:22:19people.
00:22:20No, it's not funny.
00:22:23Number, and last thing, I've read John Locke, but only because I initially thought it was
00:22:28lost fan fiction.
00:22:29Wow!
00:22:30You have philosophy.
00:22:31Yeah.
00:22:32It's got a little tidbits.
00:22:33Random Lauren.
00:22:34It's great for me.
00:22:35I am quite impressed.
00:22:37I am quite impressed.
00:22:39Random Lauren, good luck.
00:22:40Of course.
00:22:42I would love that.
00:22:43I gotta say, Random Lauren seemed very genuine.
00:22:46Uh-huh.
00:22:46Seemed like.
00:22:47Yeah, just very, like, real.
00:22:48Yeah.
00:22:48That's cool.
00:22:48A little nervous, but very genuine, very honest, and the Black Tina Fey is a fantastic nickname.
00:22:53Yeah.
00:22:54Coming to this show.
00:22:55Random Black Tina Fey.
00:22:56Random Black Tina Fey.
00:22:57Sounds a little racist the way you just said it.
00:22:59J.D. from Arizona.
00:23:02You're on the phone.
00:23:02Welcome.
00:23:03Hey, what's up, Chris?
00:23:04How's everyone doing?
00:23:05We're good, man.
00:23:06How are you?
00:23:07I'm pretty good.
00:23:08I just want to say first thing, hi to Bethany and Shannon.
00:23:11I think you guys are a nice group on the show.
00:23:14You know, kind of some evil, some good.
00:23:17Thank you very much.
00:23:18Bethany is very evil.
00:23:21But as far as the random so far, I want to say the guy who gave us the facts of why he's
00:23:24awesome should be the one.
00:23:26I mean, that is the closest thing to random gene as far as just, like, you know, point after
00:23:30point after point of randomness.
00:23:31I think you're saying random Vin, I believe, with the hat?
00:23:34Yes.
00:23:34Yes, sir.
00:23:35Okay, okay.
00:23:37Ben Folds Vin, as I like to call him.
00:23:40Good to know.
00:23:41So, Vin, you've got an endorsement.
00:23:42I was the guy who Twittered you about the facial hair.
00:23:44Okay.
00:23:45And I honestly think that that needs to be some kind of show you eventually where everyone
00:23:49needs to grow it out.
00:23:50Murph, I want to see what everyone's got with facial hair.
00:23:52I know that he's got a little Latin mustache like me.
00:23:55Okay.
00:23:55A number of people with beards just clapped for that.
00:23:59Great.
00:23:59Anything else you want to talk about?
00:24:00I didn't like Skye because he disrespected Murph.
00:24:04Yeah, not random Murph.
00:24:05He's Murph.
00:24:06Oh, you called him random Murph.
00:24:08Okay.
00:24:09Yeah, that's not right, man.
00:24:10Look at that.
00:24:11If you get that whistle ball back, he'll take you.
00:24:13You're a stickler for accuracy that way.
00:24:16Well, thank you.
00:24:16Yeah, you guys have a great night.
00:24:17Keep up the good work.
00:24:18You know, keep on the Twitter.
00:24:19I love it.
00:24:20You too.
00:24:20Thanks for the call.
00:24:21Hi.
00:24:21So much.
00:24:22Let's go to Ryan from Rhode Island.
00:24:24You're on the show.
00:24:24Welcome.
00:24:26Hello?
00:24:27Yes, Ryan.
00:24:27What's up?
00:24:28How are you doing?
00:24:29Pretty good.
00:24:31How'd you like the Michelle, Chris?
00:24:33Michelle was great.
00:24:34I thought she had a very impressive case for why she should be the random.
00:24:38Think she was cute?
00:24:39I mean, Michelle is an attractive lady, yeah.
00:24:42You're really putting me on the spot.
00:24:44Yeah, she doesn't make the show.
00:24:46Do you think you want to take her to Pizza or something?
00:24:48She doesn't make it on.
00:24:48I feel like my role on this show as a public figure shouldn't be mixed with my private life.
00:24:54What's that?
00:24:55She's not that cute, then.
00:24:57No, that's not the issue.
00:24:58That's not the issue.
00:25:00People have lives.
00:25:01Maybe we're just too...
00:25:02You know, you mixed this show with my private life.
00:25:05Everybody else.
00:25:06Everybody else.
00:25:08Wouldn't that be, like, tell your kids one day, are you guys men?
00:25:12I'm sorry, it's me.
00:25:14Random Michelle's whole campaign is just to, like, go out with you.
00:25:18Yeah, man.
00:25:19There's a plot going on, man.
00:25:21No.
00:25:22I trust Random Michelle.
00:25:23So, Ryan, we've got to keep the calls quick tonight.
00:25:25You've done a good job.
00:25:26Put me on the spot.
00:25:27Anything else you want to talk about?
00:25:28How about the Super Bowl?
00:25:29Any Giants fans out there?
00:25:32You're just going for the cheap heat calling New York, huh?
00:25:35So, I was going to call in and fucking just, you know, rip on you people.
00:25:40Just fucking have an outlet to say, ah, fuck Giants fans.
00:25:43So, you can, like, tell me to go fuck myself because I'm a big Patriots fan.
00:25:48So, if anybody wants an opportunity now to tell me to go fuck myself.
00:25:52I don't think any of us particularly care about sports.
00:25:57I was a comedy dork or whatever you guys want to call yourself.
00:26:00But I had sports jammed down my throat at the young one.
00:26:04So, it's a fair passion about it.
00:26:06Hey, Ryan.
00:26:07I feel like that's just a lot of fun.
00:26:09I can't ask, Andrew.
00:26:11Ryan, I got to say.
00:26:13If I was younger, I'd be beaten right now.
00:26:15We got to go, man.
00:26:17I want you to call back.
00:26:18We got to keep the calls quick tonight.
00:26:19But I want you to call back because you are a fascinating ball of rage.
00:26:22Thank you for the call.
00:26:25Right now, we have a video that we need to go to.
00:26:26And I believe, Random Andrew, you don't know about this.
00:26:29We have prepared a retrospective of your best moments from the Chris Gettlick show.
00:26:35So, we want to go ahead and play that now.
00:26:37We want to go ahead and play that now.
00:26:39So, Random Andrew, the floor is yours.
00:26:41Okay, cool.
00:26:42I have goodbye to one another after Jesse decides to do.
00:26:45You were a random to us.
00:26:47Now you're not random at all.
00:26:49You were an actor-y kid.
00:26:51We just showed up in the hall.
00:26:54Like nobody gets to stay.
00:26:56Random forever, you know.
00:26:58Now we can call you our friend.
00:27:00So, now we're letting you go.
00:27:02Don't worry, Andrew.
00:27:04You'll always be random.
00:27:05Anything I eat, you're going to test for poison first.
00:27:09I'm not dying before you do.
00:27:10You got it, Random Andrew?
00:27:11Random Andrew.
00:27:12Jackie!
00:27:13This is for you.
00:27:14You did a scene from Full House.
00:27:17It didn't go over well.
00:27:19They started giving you shit.
00:27:21They started giving you help.
00:27:23Forced to go on a blind date.
00:27:25Attacked with sildos and spoo.
00:27:27Andrew, you're such a good sport.
00:27:29Wish you weren't leaving so soon.
00:27:31Don't worry, Andrew.
00:27:33You'll always be random somewhere.
00:27:36Don't worry, Andrew.
00:27:38You'll always be random someone.
00:27:39We know you, Andrew.
00:27:42You showed up, but you were made of.
00:27:44Now you're just Andrew.
00:27:46You've taken a lot of shit on this show.
00:27:48Is that fair?
00:27:51Everywhere you look.
00:27:52Hands up!
00:27:53Hands up!
00:27:54Hands up!
00:27:55Hands up!
00:27:57I'm going to say, when our musical guest comes back up,
00:28:01let's get both of you guys dancing.
00:28:02See how it goes.
00:28:04And the mic, welcome.
00:28:06I'm going to say, Rob.
00:28:09Rob and Mike, don't do it in a way.
00:28:11We're not going to distract.
00:28:12We're not going to distract from the debutant hour,
00:28:13but show your skills.
00:28:14Show your skills.
00:28:15Feel free.
00:28:16Random Mike crying at the Pinewood Derby.
00:28:18Welcome to the show.
00:28:20Let's, what are we doing next, Noah?
00:28:22I can't see you.
00:28:23Okay.
00:28:24Sarah.
00:28:24Sarah from Ontario.
00:28:25What's up?
00:28:26Hey.
00:28:28Hey, how are you?
00:28:30Mimi might have just broken a cello.
00:28:32So sorry.
00:28:33So sorry.
00:28:34Sarah, what's up?
00:28:36Nothing.
00:28:36What's up with you guys?
00:28:37We're just doing a TV show.
00:28:39What did you want to talk about tonight?
00:28:44Sarah from Ontario.
00:28:46Um, not much.
00:28:47Just how you made fun of my tattoo
00:28:49when you have a Morrissey tattoo.
00:28:51I remember you.
00:28:53You have a Finding Nemo tattoo,
00:28:55which I made fun of last week.
00:28:57And then you researched me a little bit.
00:28:58And on Twitter, you told me,
00:29:00you got a fucking Morrissey tattoo.
00:29:01Yeah, that's true.
00:29:06Yeah, he said I'd regret mine.
00:29:08I said you'd never regret yours.
00:29:10Maybe I wasn't being sarcastic.
00:29:12No sarcasm in your voice, Ben.
00:29:14Now, Sarah, I know, on Twitter,
00:29:16you have told me you are a 16-year-old from Ontario
00:29:18calling up and yelling at me, right?
00:29:20Yeah.
00:29:21I'm a 31-year-old man.
00:29:24With a Morrissey tattoo.
00:29:26Whoa!
00:29:28But let's be honest,
00:29:34one day you'll be a 31-year-old woman
00:29:36with a Nemo tattoo.
00:29:38Whoa!
00:29:38I think I just got destroyed
00:29:42by a Canadian teenager.
00:29:45Sarah, thank you for the call.
00:29:47Where is her Nemo tattoo?
00:29:48Did she ever say?
00:29:48It's on her arm.
00:29:50She tweeted a picture of it.
00:29:51Oh.
00:29:51Let's go ahead.
00:29:52I think we got...
00:29:53Oh, we got to go back to the randoms.
00:29:55Okay, so we had Mike last,
00:29:57so that means that guy no-should...
00:29:59Oh, okay, I'm very excited about this one.
00:30:01Random Butch.
00:30:02Let's get Random Butch up here.
00:30:03Hey, Butch.
00:30:04Right?
00:30:05Random Butch, welcome.
00:30:07Thanks to have you.
00:30:08Random Butch.
00:30:10Random Butch.
00:30:11Now, Random Butch, you emailed.
00:30:12My understanding is
00:30:13you have never seen
00:30:14the Chris Gethard show.
00:30:15I didn't know you existed
00:30:16until like three days ago.
00:30:17Okay.
00:30:18Have you done any research,
00:30:19watched any back episodes?
00:30:20No, this thing.
00:30:21Andrew, good job.
00:30:22That video is all you see in the show.
00:30:25So, Random Butch,
00:30:26why do you think
00:30:26you should be a part of our show?
00:30:30He just checked his phone.
00:30:31That guy was like,
00:30:32do this thing.
00:30:32I was like, all right.
00:30:33Your friend, your friend emailed
00:30:35and forced you to do this, right?
00:30:36Oh, he said,
00:30:37do you want to do it?
00:30:37I said, okay.
00:30:38So, what's up?
00:30:38Why should you be a part of it?
00:30:40Did my 90 seconds start already
00:30:41or it's now?
00:30:42Yeah, let's do it.
00:30:42Let's do it.
00:30:43Okay.
00:30:44I only want to be a part of this
00:30:46if people think
00:30:46I should be a part of this.
00:30:47As I said,
00:30:47I don't care.
00:30:49I just found out about it yesterday.
00:30:50Hey.
00:30:50My name is Bush
00:30:56because when I was born,
00:30:57my mother said,
00:30:58what else do you call a 10-pound baby?
00:31:01I'm just glad you were born.
00:31:03Hey, baby.
00:31:04I'm just glad you were born.
00:31:07Yeah.
00:31:07So I don't have to be here alone.
00:31:10Ladies and gentlemen,
00:31:15thank you.
00:31:18Debutan Hour coming in,
00:31:20bringing down the house.
00:31:22Check them out,
00:31:22New Yorkers,
00:31:23Friday,
00:31:24Union Hall.
00:31:25I feel like there's a lot of losers
00:31:26and nerdy boys
00:31:27who watch this show
00:31:28are all right now
00:31:29deciding which member
00:31:30of the Debutan Hour
00:31:31they have a crush on.
00:31:31The green, the blue, and the red.
00:31:33Yeah, they're all.
00:31:33They're all.
00:31:34And I got to say,
00:31:35by far the most gentle song
00:31:37a dance battle
00:31:37has ever been conducted.
00:31:39Ever.
00:31:40Right?
00:31:41Okay, we got to go back
00:31:42to the randoms.
00:31:42Keep the show moving.
00:31:43I believe this is Noah?
00:31:45Yes.
00:31:46It's a random Noah.
00:31:47Random Noah,
00:31:47welcome to the show.
00:31:49All right.
00:31:51How are you, sir?
00:31:51Thank you for being here.
00:31:53Hey, random Noah.
00:31:55Hello.
00:31:58The floor is yours,
00:31:59random Noah.
00:31:59The floor is mine.
00:32:00Okay.
00:32:01I'm going to be the first one
00:32:03that does that.
00:32:03All right.
00:32:05Curveball.
00:32:05Set yourself apart.
00:32:07Did that.
00:32:07Butch.
00:32:08Did Butch?
00:32:09Did Butch didn't do that.
00:32:10Anyway,
00:32:11my name is Noah.
00:32:14I'm from Maine.
00:32:16And this is interesting to me
00:32:18because actually,
00:32:19just two weeks ago,
00:32:21I was seriously debating
00:32:23going back,
00:32:24moving back to Maine
00:32:25to pursue a lobstering career.
00:32:28That's true, though.
00:32:30Not a joke.
00:32:31And instead,
00:32:32I decided last minute
00:32:33to deny that.
00:32:35And so,
00:32:36this is great.
00:32:38It's pretty much
00:32:39the complete opposite
00:32:40of lobstering.
00:32:41This is the exact opposite.
00:32:42The exact opposite.
00:32:44So,
00:32:44I'm here,
00:32:45and it would be awesome
00:32:46to then get voted
00:32:47to be the new random.
00:32:48You know this is not a job
00:32:49or a career, right?
00:32:50No, I know.
00:32:51I know.
00:32:51Yeah.
00:32:51I know, but...
00:32:53You're right.
00:32:54It's a bad idea.
00:32:55Well,
00:32:55you're either staying in New York
00:32:57for this,
00:32:58or you're going to go...
00:32:59No, I've been back.
00:33:00Okay.
00:33:01Right.
00:33:01Okay.
00:33:02This isn't the only reason
00:33:03I stayed,
00:33:03but this is like,
00:33:04whoa,
00:33:05it's meant to be.
00:33:06Do you get what I'm saying?
00:33:07I do.
00:33:08I do get what you're saying.
00:33:10I'll go into a quick story now
00:33:11so you guys can get to know me
00:33:13a little bit.
00:33:14When I was in high school,
00:33:16I had to do a sport
00:33:18that was a thing
00:33:19each season,
00:33:20so...
00:33:20And I really didn't want
00:33:22to do football,
00:33:23so I chose the golf team
00:33:24just kind of as like,
00:33:26all right,
00:33:26I can just screw around.
00:33:29Screw around on the golf course
00:33:31with my friends,
00:33:32and that's what we did
00:33:32every day,
00:33:33and that was fine
00:33:35until I realized
00:33:36I had to...
00:33:36My coach told me eventually
00:33:38at the end of the season
00:33:38I had to play one match.
00:33:40It was awful at golf,
00:33:42but I did it anyway.
00:33:43I got up there
00:33:43to play my one match
00:33:45on the team,
00:33:46and actually,
00:33:47the button on my pants
00:33:48broke mid-match,
00:33:49but here's the hero aspect.
00:33:51I actually went up
00:33:53to a ball-washing stand,
00:33:55took the cloth off of it,
00:33:56and made a makeshift belt,
00:33:58a makeshift belt
00:33:59out of the ball-washing box.
00:34:00The first random day
00:34:01to physically remove.
00:34:02The first random day
00:34:03at the two-minute mark.
00:34:04Random Noah,
00:34:05thank you.
00:34:06Wonderful.
00:34:09We will never know
00:34:10what happened to his balls.
00:34:13What do we got?
00:34:14We got all the...
00:34:15Although,
00:34:15Butch is the front...
00:34:16Random and Truths,
00:34:22Random and Truths,
00:34:25Random and Truths,
00:34:29Random and Truths,
00:34:32Random and Truths,
00:34:41Random and Truths,
00:34:43That's just that.
00:34:44You guys are racing,
00:34:47and you're begging.
00:34:48We're ready to go
00:34:48to the next stage.
00:34:49Thank you guys so much.
00:34:52We're going to activate
00:34:53the phone right now.
00:34:54Decrease GetTheShow.com,
00:34:55all these new randoms
00:34:57You did great, and we're happy to have all these new members of the family.
00:34:59Let us know which one you want to come back next week and compete for the crown.
00:35:03You guys are the best.
00:35:04We love you.
00:35:05We love this guy, too.
00:35:07Bye, guys.
00:35:08Bye.
00:35:12Here's the star.
00:35:15Here's the star.
00:35:18You might even hear.
00:35:21Here's the star.
00:35:24It's a human business club.
00:35:28Human business club.
00:35:31Human business club.