- 9 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Good evening, weirdos!
00:02Welcome to the Chris Gethler Show!
00:04Playing us in, the greatest house band
00:06in the history of public access, the LLC!
00:09Featuring internet liaison, Bethany Hall!
00:12The creature from the sea, the human fish,
00:14America's favorite twink ran the messenger bag,
00:16the baddest mamma jamma, Shannon O'Neill!
00:20Hey, we got music from Sonera!
00:22I'm Mert. Fuck you, SeaWorld!
00:24Let's hear it for our host, Chris Gethler!
00:30All right.
00:32Sandwich Night!
00:34Sandwich Night!
00:36Sandwich Night!
00:38Sandwich Night!
00:40Sandwich Night!
00:42Sandwich Night!
00:44Sandwich Night!
00:46It is! It is Sandwich Night!
00:48It is the month of Sandwich Night.
00:50We are within weeks of Sandwich Night.
00:52Welcome back, everybody, to the Chris Gethler Show.
00:54Thank you guys all so much for coming out.
00:56I'm your host, Chris Gethler. I want to say hi to everybody watching live on MNN,
00:58anybody watching on the internet, anybody downloading this in the future.
01:00Very exciting show tonight.
01:02As you can see, shit is already going down.
01:04Meanie on the hoops, face painted, looking beautiful.
01:06Merck, Bethany, Shannon, your face is already painted.
01:10And we'll explain why that is.
01:14That's because someone showed up and that's because someone was delivered to us from one of our lovely fans.
01:18Yes, a human slave was delivered to us.
01:20No.
01:22No, no, no.
01:24Someone being paid for their...
01:26We do not support slavery here at the Chris Gethler Show.
01:28But, ladies and gentlemen, tonight,
01:30the reason all this is going down is because we are open for deliveries.
01:34Chris wants a soda to add to his collection.
01:38Fish needs a snorkel for undersea protection.
01:40JD gives direction, demands perfection.
01:42We are open for deliveries today.
01:46The LLC, ladies and gentlemen.
01:48Slim.
01:50LLC light tonight.
01:52LLC light tonight.
01:54The LL.
01:56The LL.
01:57Alright, here's what this means.
01:58We are open for deliveries.
02:00We are located at 537 West 59th Street between 10th and 11th Avenues in New York City.
02:06Anywhere in the world, if you can find someone willing to deliver something to us within the next hour before the show is over,
02:12we'll sign for anything.
02:14We'll sign for anything.
02:16Except for slaves.
02:17Any, yeah, no slaves.
02:18No slaves.
02:19Can't do it.
02:20I will sign for human slaves.
02:22This is already going in many directions.
02:25I do not like anything at all.
02:27Whatever you want to send towards us, we will incorporate it into the show.
02:30Sign for it.
02:31Take responsibility for it.
02:32We already have Julia, one of our most dedicated, loveliest fans.
02:35Has sent a professional face painter, I believe.
02:37That's what's going on here.
02:38That's what this is.
02:39I have not met this person yet.
02:40She has shuffled to a chair.
02:42Many people in our studio audience and on our cast already have their faces painted.
02:47Julia, do you want to introduce?
02:48Yeah, I can get her now.
02:49Yeah, whatever you want.
02:50It's your world, Julia.
02:51It's your world.
02:52Tonight's your night.
02:53Anybody else, remember.
02:54537 West 59th Street between 10th and 11th.
02:58It looks like Drew and Duke Ponzetti already have something.
03:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:01Why don't you give us some shit?
03:02Shit!
03:03Shit!
03:04Send us some shit, ladies and gentlemen.
03:05So, Duke Ponzetti, Drew Johnston, Headwriters, you are already here.
03:08We already have, it looks like a pizza, which is wonderful.
03:11Who sent that?
03:12Do we know?
03:13Yes.
03:14Well, this is for the Herman Fursh.
03:17This is sent to the Herman Fursh.
03:20Human fish!
03:21Did we just learn the human fish's human name?
03:24Oh my God!
03:25Human fish!
03:26Human fish!
03:27Human fish!
03:28Typo?
03:29Versus your real name is Herman Fursh.
03:33It's a typo.
03:34It's a typo.
03:35Okay, thank God.
03:36I thank God.
03:37I had no idea.
03:38So a pizza has been sent for the Herman Fursh.
03:40Oh, this is our face painting stand being sent up.
03:42Okay, Drew.
03:43Drew and Duke.
03:44Drew and Duke.
03:45Anything else you want to say about this?
03:49Well, we got some...
03:51Oh, lovely.
03:52One piece.
03:53Someone ate two thirds.
03:54I could not resist.
03:55I had to have a slice.
03:56But Drew, you couldn't even finish your slice?
03:58I wanted it to be a nice circle.
04:00Okay.
04:01So you got two thirds of...
04:02Oh no, message back.
04:03You can't eat here.
04:04If you want to eat it, just take it over there.
04:05Yeah.
04:06Okay.
04:07Chill out, dude.
04:08Holy shit.
04:09I'm hungry.
04:10Yeah, dude.
04:11Oh my God.
04:12He was like...
04:13He was insane.
04:14A fucking animal.
04:15This is a fucking pizza.
04:16What are you supposed to do?
04:17It's a full-on pizza.
04:18And we also have a full-on potato salad and something else.
04:20Whoa.
04:21Okay.
04:22A number of items.
04:24We don't know who sent this to the Herman Fursh.
04:26It says that pizza is from Australia.
04:28It says Mark from Australia.
04:29Mark from Australia.
04:30We got an Australian pizza sent all the way here.
04:33Thank you so much.
04:34Mark from Australia.
04:35That's super cool.
04:36This is A.
04:37Alyssa, just take it out of here.
04:38Wait.
04:39Hold on.
04:40Who...
04:41Alyssa?
04:42It's a veggie burger.
04:43Stop.
04:44We can't have food.
04:45We're breaking the rules.
04:46We're gonna get it kicked off the air.
04:47A list of all people gets us kicked off the air.
04:49Are you Herman Fursh?
04:51No.
04:54Dude, get this out of here where people can eat.
04:56I'll take it.
04:57I'll take it away.
04:58Okay.
04:59Messenger, go grab a slice.
05:00Alyssa, we're taking it over there.
05:01Everyone show up.
05:02A veggie burger.
05:03A veggie burger.
05:04A veggie burger.
05:05Wonderful.
05:06Fucking nasty.
05:07Any food that shows up will be set up over there where we're allowed to eat it.
05:09I'll be near it.
05:10A Jew will definitely be near it.
05:12I just want to put it there.
05:13No one else should ever fucking sprint up here like a lunatic and try to fight me for
05:17food again.
05:18That made no sense.
05:20Messenger, Bag and Alyssa, that made no sense.
05:22Bethany, what are the chat rats saying about this episode so far?
05:24It already feels manic in here.
05:25They're mostly saying Herman Fursh.
05:27It's our turn.
05:28Herman Fursh.
05:29Herman Fursh.
05:30That's the only thing I want to talk with the fish about.
05:32And someone tweeted this at me.
05:33Human Fish, did you buy a brewery in Slovenia?
05:37This is true.
05:39You can Google Human Fish Brewery right now.
05:42There is a Human Fish Brewery in Slovenia.
05:44Is that just a random name versus you own a brewery in Slovenia?
05:48I own a brewery in Slovenia.
05:50Wow.
05:51Congratulations.
05:52You're a business owner.
05:54Hell yeah.
05:56A Slovenian business owner.
05:58So wait, let's, hi.
05:59Half the staff is eating pizza right now.
06:01Half our staff has run away.
06:03Thank you so much for painting faces.
06:05What's your name?
06:06My name is Perla.
06:07Perla, thank you so much for coming to the Chris Gethard Show.
06:10Did you know what you were getting into tonight?
06:11No, I didn't.
06:12Wonderful.
06:13How are you enjoying it so far?
06:14Awesome.
06:15Okay.
06:16And what are you painting on the face of random Orlando?
06:17A puppy.
06:18A puppy.
06:19That's wonderful.
06:20It better not be the puppy that I ate and put its face on my face.
06:23I would love to get my face painted by you at some point if that's okay.
06:27Perla, definitely.
06:28Okay.
06:29Is this the best dragon ever?
06:30Welcome back to the show.
06:32Okay.
06:33This is a nook.
06:34Simple touch with gold.
06:35Wait, it says.
06:36Wait.
06:37What's this say?
06:38Deliver to Chris Gethard ASAP.
06:40What does it say?
06:41Wanted.
06:42This says wanted for pizza theft.
06:44Oh, secret pizza party.
06:45Oh, this is for Omar.
06:46Is Omar here?
06:47Omar's not here tonight.
06:48We'll make sure we get that to Omar.
06:50We've got other books marked.
06:51Oh, my God.
06:52Zig Ziglar.
06:53Okay.
06:54This is for Conor Ratliff.
06:55We'll make sure we get that to Conor Ratliff.
06:56It's a motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar.
06:58This is for Hot Dog.
06:59You got Top Dog.
07:00Who sent these?
07:01Who sent these books?
07:02Who sent these books?
07:03Someone who was moving and had to get rid of shit.
07:06Wow.
07:07This is a person who's done the research.
07:08Messenger Bag.
07:09They sent you a copy of Donna Thorland's The Turncoat.
07:16You're so lucky we rearranged the set and you no longer have to sit behind the plate.
07:19Human Fish.
07:20You get a book called Overseas by Beatriz Williams.
07:23This is so amazing.
07:25This is fucking nuts.
07:26Rob Malone.
07:27Where's Rob Malone?
07:28Where's Rob Malone?
07:29You get a book called Pee Shy.
07:30It's on how the rest of us live.
07:32But it says it's about how the rest of us live because you're not pee shy.
07:35Rob, congratulations on that.
07:37Let's see.
07:38Whose is this?
07:39Whose is this?
07:40I don't know whose this is.
07:41Beautiful, unique.
07:42Oh, that's mine.
07:43Beautiful, unique sparkle ponies.
07:44That's mine.
07:45No, this has to be for Bethany, right?
07:46Yeah.
07:47Beautiful, unique sparkle ponies.
07:48I mean, if this is not for Bethany, I'm giving it to Bethany.
07:50What else?
07:51Thank you so much.
07:52Do we know who sent this?
07:53Noah Foreman loved the people of Tumblr.
07:56Are you gonna kiss me or not?
07:58Ladies love Noah Foreman, a.k.a. Duke Ponzetti.
08:02The ladies do love you.
08:03You're getting flirted with via a book delivery note.
08:05I think this person works for a book company.
08:08These are the advanced uncorrected proofs.
08:10Look at this one.
08:11Murph.
08:12Swingland.
08:13Between the sheets of the secretive, sometimes messy, but always adventurous swinging lifestyles.
08:21There's so many.
08:22Look at this.
08:23Chris and Hallie.
08:24It takes two to tangle.
08:29This one is supposed to be published in hardcover in February 2013.
08:32So, you know, they have the edge on this.
08:34Shannon, this person sent you their day planner and said, I ran out of books.
08:40But this appears to be a filled out, a filled out day planner that has usernames, online codes.
08:47Let's go through that.
08:48And then what are these?
08:49What is this?
08:50Who is this?
08:51A message of hope from the angels.
08:53You ran out to the human fish.
08:55Let's go, fish.
08:56Come on up.
08:57Let's use the table.
08:58Let's get it going.
08:59What do we got here, fish?
09:01What do we got here, fish?
09:02Looks like more food.
09:03Somebody spent $7.35 on you, fish.
09:06I hope it's not your parents.
09:09Oh, fish.
09:10Do we know what this is?
09:12Okay.
09:13Some food items.
09:15Let's turn it right to camera.
09:17Oh, that's a tuna fish sandwich.
09:20That's a tuna fish sandwich.
09:22How original.
09:24So you're not mad at the presence of fish.
09:27You're mad at the lack of originality.
09:30Okay.
09:31Human fish.
09:32This is funny versus grow up.
09:35Who wins?
09:36Grow up.
09:37Oh, it stinks.
09:39Okay.
09:40Drew, tuna fish?
09:41Yep.
09:42Message your bag.
09:43There's two big hats there.
09:44Not your thing.
09:45You only want the unhealthy shit.
09:46All right.
09:48From West 59th Street.
09:49Okay.
09:50537 West 59th Street.
09:51Between 10th and 11th.
09:52We will take anything.
09:53We're getting a lot of food.
09:54That's cool.
09:55We got no deliveries left on the docket.
09:56Anything else?
09:57Untrue.
09:58Untrue.
09:59Untrue.
10:00Hot Dog Parish with another delivery.
10:01A steady, steady street.
10:03Oh, wow.
10:04Oh, wow.
10:05Wow.
10:06Wow.
10:07Wow.
10:08Wow.
10:09Let's get this.
10:10A Domino's Pizza.
10:11They sent us about 50 garlic butters to go in.
10:15Yeah.
10:16Now we can't eat out here.
10:19Message your bag.
10:20Do you just want a garlic butter?
10:22Yeah.
10:23Hold on.
10:26We got endless amounts of garlic sauce.
10:28I think we got to put it all on this pizza before we send the pizza to the eating area.
10:32Right?
10:33Right, Shannon?
10:34Let's not ruin the books.
10:35Shannon, that will do it.
10:36Ladies and gentlemen, our old friend, Carrie Ann Murphy from Bag Credit No Credit is here.
10:39Carrie Ann, how you been?
10:40I'm fine.
10:41You know.
10:42That's good.
10:43We're getting all sorts of free shit here.
10:44Oh, they're like, oh.
10:45Let's get it in.
10:46Don't make a mess.
10:47Hold on, Fish.
10:48I think you're blocking the camera.
10:50Yeah, these are nice and warm and gooey.
10:53Oh, it's like a thick vanilla pudding.
10:56Yeah, it's a garlicky, buttery cum.
10:58Message your bag.
10:59Yeah, it's like cum.
11:00Message your bag.
11:01Go to a doctor.
11:02Is your cum a sickeningly pale yellow?
11:07That stinks, Tom.
11:09A buttery yellow?
11:10It was the best time of my life.
11:12The best time of your life.
11:13Fundera, the best time of this guy's life was that song.
11:15That's awesome.
11:16All right.
11:17We've got a basketball being painted.
11:19We're accepting any deliveries tonight.
11:20We are open for deliveries.
11:21537 West 59th Street between 10th and 11th Manhattan, New York.
11:24Looks like we have something else coming in.
11:26Hot Dog?
11:27Or Drew?
11:28Yeah, yeah.
11:29What's that?
11:30Duke.
11:31Duke, I can't see.
11:32And for some reason I'm so excited.
11:33While we're waiting, uh, Messenger Bag, you got some sushi.
11:34Messenger Bag.
11:35The fuck is Duke Fonzetti's problem tonight?
11:40That's fine.
11:41Dude, okay.
11:42Messenger Bag, you received some sushi specifically for Messenger Bag?
11:45Yeah.
11:46Okay.
11:47Okay.
11:48Hold on, hold on, hold on.
11:49I gotta address this.
11:50I gotta address this.
11:51What?
11:52Everybody loves Messenger Bag, but...
11:55But we can't baby this guy.
11:58You're getting pampered here with sushi.
12:00Everybody else.
12:01Hello, how are you?
12:02Hi, man.
12:03Welcome to the show.
12:04Uh...
12:05Yeah!
12:06Thank you so much.
12:07You're on a TV show right now.
12:08We're on TV.
12:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:12Thank you so much.
12:14Okay.
12:16Yes!
12:17Yes!
12:18Yeah!
12:19Yeah!
12:20Yeah!
12:21Come back!
12:22Come back!
12:23Come back!
12:24Come back!
12:25The people loved you!
12:27Come on, man!
12:28That guy struck a chord with America!
12:30Yeah!
12:31Come back!
12:32Come back!
12:33Come back!
12:34I'm thinking about it.
12:35Take your time!
12:36Take your time!
12:37Take your time!
12:38Take your time!
12:39Take your time.
12:40That surprised gentleman, people loved him instinctively.
12:42Oh, this is from Meg from Ohio.
12:44Our good friend Meg from Ohio.
12:46They're sending brownies, messenger bag.
12:48Oh, look at this.
12:49There's a variety.
12:50How are you, messenger bag?
12:51You're just saying your name.
12:52A variety of cupcakes.
12:54Messenger bag!
12:55Do you eat at home?
12:56As opposed to what?
13:03Don't ever speak to me in that tone.
13:06Don't ever speak to me in that sarcastic...
13:09What the fuck do you think I do, Chris Guthrie?
13:11Hey, man!
13:16Jerk face!
13:17Jerk face, man.
13:18It's all desserts.
13:19A lot of cookies.
13:20A lot of desserts.
13:21Thank you, Meg from Ohio.
13:22People are just feeding us.
13:23Yeah!
13:24I think by far the weirdest thing we've gotten so far
13:26are the personalized books, right?
13:27Yeah, the best.
13:28Conor Ratliff!
13:29A future Olympian!
13:34Conor!
13:35It's not threatening.
13:36It's not threatening.
13:37But we are, we are...
13:38Mr. Speaker, we are coming...
13:39No, no, don't point!
13:40Don't point!
13:41I want to know...
13:42Conor!
13:43You have dead eyes.
13:44You cannot stare at the camera.
13:45We're coming for you.
13:46We're gonna make sandwiches.
13:47Conor, your eyes are doing that very, very intense thing.
13:49No, it's not.
13:50They are.
13:51Drew, Duke, they're doing that thing, aren't they?
13:54I don't see it.
13:57I see it.
13:59What town does she live?
14:00Uh, she's...
14:01She's...
14:02She was in Lynchburg.
14:03She may have moved.
14:04We'll find her.
14:05We're gonna find you.
14:06No, no, stop it!
14:07No, wait, Shannon.
14:08I've personally...
14:09I haven't seen this.
14:10I know this is unorthodox.
14:11There's a lot of fucking food on there that I'm not getting to eat.
14:12I'm gonna go have some of it.
14:13Okay, go have some.
14:14Are you into it or no?
14:15Yeah.
14:16Okay, Shannon...
14:17I'll take this delivery.
14:18I'm gonna eat food.
14:19All right, we've got another delivery here.
14:22Here we go.
14:23It's for the Chris Gethard Show from...
14:25Oh, Althea in Arizona.
14:29See what we've got.
14:31So, hey, Murph, at the beginning of the show, you said,
14:33Fuck Sea World.
14:34Why don't we tell the audience why?
14:36Well, has anyone seen the Doc Blackfish?
14:39A couple, seven people saw this documentary.
14:42Well, it's pretty sad.
14:45It's got me in a funk for the last few days.
14:48Sea World's torturing these creatures.
14:52Blackfish.
14:55Watch it.
14:56Okay.
14:57That's it.
14:58That's all.
14:59Also, I think Daniel Stern wrote this book.
15:00Chris, I think this is specifically for you.
15:01It's a soda.
15:02Although, it's Diet Black Cherry.
15:04I don't know if you're into the diet shit.
15:05It's cane sugar.
15:06And some more cupcakes.
15:08Diet soda?
15:09It's Diet Black Cherry.
15:10Cool, I'll be over here.
15:13Chris does not want it.
15:15All right, guys.
15:17Where's our next delivery?
15:20Right?
15:21What?
15:22Oh, my gosh.
15:23A human slave!
15:24Shit!
15:25A human slave!
15:26Hi, I'm here to deliver a message to the human fish.
15:30Okay.
15:31Oh.
15:32But, okay.
15:33So, okay.
15:34Human fish.
15:35Come on over here.
15:36This is the human fish.
15:37Oh, okay.
15:38Micah, um.
15:39So, turn on the camera.
15:40After my father takes you to the couch, you're going to be sleeping with the rest of your
15:44family.
15:45Whoa!
15:46Wait.
15:47Is this Colstead's daughter?
15:48Are you saying you are Colstead's daughter?
15:49Yeah.
15:50This is Sarah Lee Lee.
15:51Give it this.
15:52Colstead has sent a family member to threaten physical violence on you and throw a little
16:02sack at you.
16:03What's in it?
16:04What's in it?
16:05Face the camera fish.
16:06Is there something in it?
16:07Face the camera fish.
16:08You can tell Colstead your whole family can go fuck themselves.
16:15Whoa.
16:16Whoa.
16:17Whoa.
16:18Whoa.
16:19Whoa.
16:20And you can go back to your dirty couch where you belong.
16:25Way too much.
16:30Wait, wait.
16:31Let's, let's.
16:32I feel like.
16:33Way too much fish.
16:34Can we ask?
16:35Hold it.
16:36Have you ever, because you're on TV right now, you know that?
16:38Yeah.
16:39Yeah, yeah.
16:40Have you heard of the Chris Gethard show before?
16:41Yes.
16:42So you've been watching it with your father?
16:43Yes.
16:44Okay.
16:45So how do you feel that you're here now?
16:46Where's your father right now?
16:47Um, he's home on the couch.
16:49He's home on the couch?
16:50Yes.
16:51That makes a lot of sense.
16:52Yes.
16:53How'd you get here?
16:54You drove here?
16:55My, uh, Unky Hal drove me.
16:56Your Unky Hal drove me?
16:57Unky Hal.
16:58Yeah.
16:59Unky Halstead.
17:00Is Unky Hal...
17:01Is Unky Halstead here?
17:03Um, yeah.
17:04Is he...
17:05Will he come out on camera?
17:06Um...
17:07Unky Hal, are you here?
17:08He's in the car.
17:09We don't want to meet...
17:10I don't know if we want to meet Unky Hal.
17:11Let's let Unky Hal lie.
17:13What is this?
17:14This is an alligator.
17:15This is an...
17:16This is an alligator?
17:17Yeah.
17:18Alligators eat fish.
17:19Oh.
17:20But this is an alligator?
17:21Yeah.
17:22Okay.
17:23So I got a message for you, Kallstead.
17:25Okay.
17:26Okay.
17:27Fish has a message for Kallstead.
17:28In this burgeoning war.
17:29Now I apologize for what I said to your daughter.
17:32She seems like a very nice person.
17:35But you!
17:36We've got business to settle.
17:39We're taking it to the couch.
17:41And it's never gonna end.
17:44It's never gonna end.
17:46You're saying when you fight Kallstead on a couch,
17:48it is a battle that will last for you.
17:50Goodbye.
17:51So nice to meet you.
17:52Nice to meet you too.
17:53Kallstead's daughter.
17:54What was your name?
17:55Sarah Leah Lee.
17:56Sarah Leah Lee.
17:57Kallstead's daughter of her.
17:58Not planned.
17:59Not planned by us.
18:00We had no idea this was coming.
18:01Are you keeping the alligator?
18:03If you want...
18:07Goodbye Sarah Leah.
18:08Oh wow.
18:09Another delivery.
18:10Jamie, thank you.
18:11That was an amazing turn.
18:12And I want to be clear.
18:13We did not plan that.
18:14We did not plan that.
18:15Jamie, who brought the...
18:16Oh, this is to you.
18:18It's to me.
18:19It got delivered to me...
18:20Oh, here.
18:21Oh, thanks.
18:22I made it easy.
18:23It got delivered to me the other day via USPS
18:25from my mom.
18:26It's something that I bought in September.
18:28Your mom...
18:29You can't have the sweater.
18:30We can't have the sweater.
18:31You can't have the sweater.
18:32So you're gonna have the trouble.
18:33Who's this from?
18:34Oh, it's a head in a box.
18:37What's in the box?
18:38Oh, no.
18:39It's actually weird.
18:40It's actually weird.
18:41It's very weird.
18:42Oh, okay.
18:43Glamour magazine.
18:44Wonderful.
18:45A bunch of KY jelly.
18:46A bunch of nails.
18:48Some dog sticks.
18:50Some dog sticks.
18:55You took that.
18:58Murph got some KY and a Swingers book.
19:00We got some smoked barbecue chicken flavor.
19:02Messenger bag will eat that right now.
19:05And a cup of ice.
19:07Pig years ice.
19:08And some adult pack seven.
19:10Oh, those get your dick hard.
19:12Those are the vitamins that are supposed to get your dick hard.
19:15This is from Chris and Royce.
19:17Oh, in San Francisco.
19:18Our friends Royce and Chris.
19:19That's awesome.
19:20I don't know how you guys...
19:21Hello, sir.
19:22How are you?
19:23Thank you so much.
19:24Thank you so much.
19:25Thank you so much.
19:26Thank you so much.
19:27Oh, I have to sign for it?
19:28Where do I sign?
19:29Right there.
19:30Anywhere?
19:31Right there.
19:32Oh, I got it.
19:33Right here.
19:34How are you doing, sir?
19:35Good.
19:36What's your name?
19:38So nice to meet you, sir.
19:39Thank you for coming by.
19:40We don't know who it's from.
19:41It says on there who it's from.
19:42Shit, I missed it.
19:43Hello.
19:44How are you?
19:45Hello.
19:46You look very confident.
19:47A man has just shown up with a cooler.
19:48I need that mic.
19:49I need a mic.
19:50Okay, you showed up with a cooler.
19:51You came in here with an air of authority.
19:52I was just told to deliver it.
19:53Okay, you are.
19:54Where are you from?
19:55North Carolina, personally.
19:56Do you know anything about the order of Gimgul?
19:57Do you know anything about the order of Gimgul?
19:59Service animal training.
20:00Service animal training.
20:01Service animal training.
20:02No, inside it says service animal training.
20:04Okay, service animal.
20:05Oh, wait.
20:06Oh, wait.
20:08He's got rock hard.
20:17Oh, man.
20:19No, no.
20:20Oh, man.
20:21Oh!
20:22Oh, man.
20:23Oh, man.
20:24Oh, man.
20:25Oh, man.
20:26Oh, man.
20:29Oh, man.
20:30Fucking life happens, Shannon.
20:46Life happens every day.
20:48Oh, there's more.
20:49What's in here?
20:50Oh, there's more stuff in there.
20:51Sarah and Brooklyn, are you there?
20:52Yes.
20:53Hello, how are you?
20:54I'm good, thanks.
20:56What do you want to talk about tonight?
20:57We're being barraged with live animals, food, books, gymnasts, face painters.
21:01What do you want to talk about?
21:03Well, just so you know, this is Peter's friend Sarah.
21:06That's the only reference you have of me, Peter from Swarthmore.
21:10Peter from Swarthmore's friend Sarah?
21:13You taught him at a workshop.
21:15Every time I come to your show, I'm with Peter, and the reference is that I'm Peter's friend Sarah.
21:20I'm in the Rats Carlton.
21:23It's Peter's friend Sarah.
21:24Is Peter the redhead guy?
21:27What's that?
21:28Peter the redhead guy?
21:30Um, no.
21:31That's Skidmore Peter, not Swarthmore Peter.
21:34I mixed up my S-more Peters.
21:36Yeah.
21:36Okay, Sarah, we're really sidetracked on this Peter thing.
21:39Who gives a fuck?
21:39Too many Peters to keep track of, you know what I'm saying?
21:41Sarah, do you know how many people I've taught in fucking improv workshops in my life?
21:44I can't be expected to recall every single one at a moment's notice unexpectedly.
21:49Jesus Christ, Sarah, it's a lot to ask.
21:51What do you want to talk about?
21:52I'm sorry I just got so angry.
21:53I'm sorry I made you angry.
21:56I either saw Rob Malone or Rob Malone's doppelganger thing, and I was just wondering if it was Ken or if he has a twin.
22:06Where was it?
22:06Where was it?
22:08Running around Halsey Street in Brooklyn this afternoon.
22:13Rob, were you running on Halsey Street this afternoon?
22:15He probably was.
22:19Hot Dog is saying he probably was.
22:22He lives around there.
22:23He lives around there.
22:24We're being told he lives there.
22:25We're waiting for final confirmation.
22:26Sarah, you may have had a real-life Rob Malone sighting.
22:28You will be the envy of women nationwide.
22:31Of having a real-life Rob Malone in the wild sighting.
22:33I will say this.
22:34He probably was running because, Lord knows, it takes work to stay that beefy.
22:38Any sign of Rob Malone.
22:39Where the fuck would Rob Malone just go?
22:41Rob, where were you?
22:42I'm going to run.
22:43Okay.
22:46Sarah thinks she may have seen you running on Halsey Street in Brooklyn earlier today.
22:50Yeah, I was.
22:51That was Rob Malone.
22:52Sarah, you saw the real Rob Malone in the background.
22:54Yeah, I was going for a jog.
22:55What do you want?
22:56Sarah, did Rob look as beefy and handsome in real life as he does on the show?
23:00Yeah, he looked very beefy and handsome.
23:02Wow, Sarah's into you, Rob.
23:05I actually, I think I shared, I tried to communicate with my eyes.
23:09We had a meaningful stare.
23:11You had a meaningful stare?
23:13Yeah, it was Rob Malone.
23:13I was trying to communicate with my eyes.
23:16Are you the wrong place to be here?
23:17On Halsey and Bushwick?
23:19Halsey and Bushwick?
23:20Wait, which street?
23:21Which girl?
23:22It was around Halsey and Wilson.
23:24Oh, Halsey and Wilson.
23:25Yeah, yeah.
23:25I thought I heard someone yell Malone, but it might have been you staring at me at that time.
23:29No, I think actually that's amazing because I was trying to communicate it with my eyes.
23:34You may have just heard that.
23:35Rob, you may have an actual psychic connection with Sarah from Brooklyn.
23:39That's true.
23:39Now, Sarah, I want to get to the bottom of this.
23:41Rob, I don't want to put you on the spot if I'm crossing boundaries.
23:43I don't know your current status.
23:44Sarah, what are you getting at?
23:46What's the end game with this call?
23:47I just wanted to know if he had a doppelganger or not.
23:52I mean, I think that's pretty cool if he had a Twitter ring around, but I mean...
23:55She's trying to figure out what my exercise route is.
23:58She's going to find out when I was running.
23:59If that's all, because Sarah, if you're going for more, if this is...
24:02I'm reading the subtext, I can hook you up.
24:04Oh, my God, Chris.
24:05I can hook you up.
24:05Chris.
24:06I mean, I wouldn't say no.
24:07He's quite beefy and handsome.
24:09Sarah wouldn't say no.
24:10Rob Malone.
24:11I don't think there's a lot of people that would say no.
24:13What?
24:14Rob's saying not a lot of people.
24:17Not a lot of people would say no to him.
24:19Murph is passing up.
24:20I can't watch you.
24:21Oh, thank you, man.
24:22Rob, are you willing to meet up with this unseen stranger in real life?
24:27Yeah, like on Halsey and Wilson?
24:30Halsey and Wilson.
24:31What time tomorrow do you want to meet Sarah from Brooklyn at the corner of Halsey and Wilson?
24:35I'm pretty busy tomorrow.
24:36You're busy?
24:37Okay, Rob, when are you free?
24:38Are you free Friday?
24:38I don't know.
24:39Maybe like not till after four, but then it gets a little late.
24:41It's close to getting dark around Halsey and Wilson at that time.
24:44So, I don't know.
24:46Maybe like next week at some point.
24:47Rob, you're being really non-committal with me.
24:49What?
24:50Well, I'm like pretty busy over the next week or so.
24:53I don't really have too much time.
24:54Okay.
24:55But I feel like Halsey and Wilson is the time to meet, right?
24:58I mean, the place to meet.
24:59It's okay, Rob.
24:59Also, if you announce a place to meet, so many people named Sarah are going to show up.
25:03And let's put this out here.
25:05Anybody near Brooklyn, if you want to see Rob Malone, if you want to see the real Rob Malone in the flesh, in the flesh.
25:12I usually start sometime between 12 and 1.30.
25:15I run down Moffat Street towards the Wilson F. L train stop.
25:21I go all the way down to the warehouses.
25:24Then I turn.
25:25I run till about Halsey.
25:26And then I run back to Bushwick.
25:27Rob, we need that mic back.
25:29Rob Malone.
25:30Feel free.
25:30Ladies of Brooklyn, feel free to stop Rob Malone.
25:33In the meantime, Rob, you're the world's greatest dancer.
25:35Don't go anywhere, because you're a legendary performer.
25:51That was great.
25:52Heidi Zane, that was great.
25:54That was great.
25:55Oh, we're dancing.
25:57Thank you so much, Mandara, for joining us.
25:59Let's go to Sean and NJ.
26:02Welcome to the show.
26:05How are you doing, Sean?
26:07Good.
26:08That's great.
26:09What do you want to talk about tonight?
26:11I think someone should send Mrs. Dash to Connor.
26:16Mrs. Dash to Connor, but Connor, Sean, I mean, Connor hates Mrs. Dash.
26:20I was going to send it, but I didn't have the money.
26:24You don't have $2.27?
26:29I can't really hear you.
26:31Shannon asked if you have $2.27.
26:33Not to spare on bullshit like Mrs. Dash, right?
26:37Oh, Connor's running towards us.
26:39Connor is not happy that you brought it up.
26:40Sean, Connor is back.
26:42Sean, Connor, Sean's calling out a moment of weakness that was on display publicly.
26:46What moment of weakness?
26:48When you ate Mrs. Dash and collapsed on the ground crying.
26:51Oh, yeah.
26:51Completely shut down my body, but I'm a human being.
26:54I'm proud of it.
26:56I'm not a robot.
26:57I'm not a machine.
26:58I don't know if you are a robot or a machine.
27:01If you meet Mrs. Dash, I will get you in another movie with Tom Hanks.
27:06He'll get you in a meeting with Tom Hanks.
27:08Sean, Connor, Sean from New Jersey who cannot afford Mrs. Dash.
27:12Yeah.
27:13Does claim he can get you in a movie with Tom Hanks.
27:17It's been tried.
27:18I don't think, I don't, I think Mr. Hanks and I will work together again on something.
27:24I have no doubt of that.
27:25I will say this.
27:26I, I, I, I have had some luck in finding Will's, uh, math teacher.
27:32Uh, we're on, we're on the way to making it happen.
27:35Uh, and, you know, we talk about dreams.
27:38We talk about destiny.
27:39Uh, Mrs. Beaker is 35 years old.
27:43Right?
27:4435?
27:45Did you know that?
27:47No.
27:4735 years old?
27:48We're, hold on, but Connor, I also want to say.
27:50Yeah.
27:51We shouldn't be airing so much personal information about this teacher in Virginia.
27:55I mean, I'm just saying stuff that PQ.com, uh, says.
27:58Let's not give out the website where other people can find this information.
28:02We're on the hunt, though.
28:03We're going to make it happen.
28:03We're going to find, we're going to find this person to make her dreams come true.
28:06Absolutely.
28:07Right?
28:07Wonderful.
28:08Wonderful.
28:08Wonderful.
28:08What was the, I've already forgotten the dream.
28:10He wants to make, he had a dream.
28:11Make sandwiches.
28:11Make sandwiches with, uh, his math teacher.
28:13If we can find Mrs. Beaker and get her up here, I know the perfect night to make sandwiches.
28:16Do you know the night?
28:18Uh, sandwich night.
28:20Sandwich night!
28:20Sandwich night!
28:22Sandwich night!
28:23Sandwich night!
28:25Sandwich night!
28:26We have another delivery.
28:28Hello.
28:28How are you?
28:28Welcome.
28:31Good to see you.
28:32How's it going?
28:33Thank you so much for coming here tonight.
28:35This is the Chris Gethard Show.
28:36You guys, this is cool.
28:37What's, what is about to happen?
28:38Hi, how are you?
28:40Hi.
28:41What's your guys' names?
28:42Um, I'm Boogie Bear.
28:43Boogie Bear, welcome to the show.
28:44Freezer.
28:45Freezer, welcome to the show.
28:46Lucky.
28:47Lucky, welcome to the show.
28:48So, you guys, someone has hired you to appear tonight on our show?
28:51Yeah, it's all right.
28:52Hello, guys.
28:53You forgot me, man.
28:54Hey, hello, what's your name?
28:55Um, I'm B-Boy Zoe.
28:57B-Boy Zoe, welcome to the show.
28:58Okay.
28:59I'm going to roll my face, so everybody can show you.
29:00There you go.
29:01Okay.
29:02Welcome.
29:02Welcome to the show.
29:03So, you guys have been, someone has brought you here, it's, you are, you are B-Boys.
29:08Yes.
29:08I cannot wait to see what happens.
29:09From the streets.
29:10From the streets.
29:11That's awesome.
29:11Welcome.
29:12Welcome.
29:12Cannot wait to see how this goes down.
29:13Last time B-Boys were here, they did pull this man's pants off.
29:16Just so you guys know.
29:17I'd love to avoid that.
29:19No, no, no.
29:19I'm not going to pull my pants off.
29:20Yeah.
29:21I will be grabbing somebody from the audience for a certain thing.
29:25So, I'm just looking at...
29:25We have a grand finale.
29:26Hope you enjoy the show.
29:27Okay.
29:27Do you need a volunteer now, or do we just get into the show and grab the volunteer?
29:30We need to get into the show.
29:31I think we're handing you guys the floor.
29:32Before we do that, we, like, kind of, like, want to move this, because the stuff we're
29:35going to do, I don't think it's easy.
29:38Let's do it.
29:38Shannon, you got that?
29:40Yeah, sure.
29:40I may look short, but...
29:43No, let's clear some space.
29:46Thank you, B-Boys, though, for the warning.
29:51Whoa!
29:51This is so exciting.
29:53Sorry about that, Boogie Bear.
29:55Okay.
29:56We're clearing space.
29:58I don't know who's responsible for this.
29:59Do you guys know who sent you here?
30:03Was it Julia?
30:05Oh, it's yours, though.
30:06Julia?
30:07Oh, no, Tessa.
30:08Tessa.
30:08Okay.
30:09Tessa and Jamie.
30:10Thank you guys so much.
30:11All right.
30:11Is this enough room?
30:13Oh, shit.
30:15Okay.
30:15We have exactly five minutes until the show ends.
30:18She's so hyper.
30:18Give me a hug.
30:19Yeah.
30:20This girl can dance like a motherfucker.
30:22She can dance like a fucking maniac.
30:24Yeah.
30:25Do you like vanilla?
30:27All the time.
30:28Show set and vanilla go together.
30:30Yeah, that's not a new Oreo.
30:32We have four and a half minutes until the show's over.
30:35Yeah.
30:35All right.
30:35So we're going to tell this up.
30:37All right.
30:37Pretty much, we've got three simple rules for the show.
30:39Rule number one, you see something you like, you guys clap.
30:41Mike, Mike, Mike.
30:41Remember two, you see something you do not like, you still...
30:43Okay.
30:44There you go.
30:45Okay.
30:46It's on.
30:47It's on.
30:47It's just for the broadcast.
30:48Oh, cool.
30:48All right.
30:49We've got three simple rules for the show.
30:50We are the New York City break dancers, so our three rules are,
30:54if you see something you like, you guys clap.
30:55If you see something you do not like, you still clap.
30:57Please don't boo.
30:59I got self-esteem issues.
31:00I will cry.
31:02You are in the right place.
31:03I'm joking.
31:10And our final rule is, if you see anything inside this show
31:13that you can't not do, just show your appreciation with a donation.
31:16And this is our manager.
31:17He goes by the name of Mr. Phillip.
31:19Phillip who?
31:20Hold this.
31:24Phillip his bag, because it doesn't look that big.
31:27I think I'm just short.
31:27I'm only like 5'5".
31:28But just joking.
31:30Let's get into this.
31:31Okay.
31:32All right.
31:33Make some noise.
31:34Yeah!
31:34Yeah!
31:37Woo!
31:37Woo!
31:37Woo!
31:38Woo!
31:38Wow!
31:41Now, guys, I need you to have some rhythm.
31:43I don't want to see this.
31:47You're going to go to the beat.
31:48All right.
31:49If you don't have rhythm, tonight you're going to go home for some rhythm.
31:51Everybody.
31:51Go.
31:52Go.
31:52Go.
31:53Go.
31:53Go.
31:53Go.
31:53Go.
31:53Go.
31:53Go.
31:53Go.
31:54Go.
31:54Go.
31:54Go.
31:55Go.
31:55Go.
31:55Go.
31:56Go.
31:56Go.
31:57Go.
31:59Go.
32:25Go.
32:25All right, girl.
32:55All right, girl.
33:02You're still gonna be crazy.
33:05I'm gonna go.
33:08I'm gonna go.
33:11I'm gonna go.
33:16I'm such a cool thinking I won't get putting you down.
33:23I'm gonna go.
33:25I'm gonna go.
33:27It's a beautiful day of my mind.
33:34You're in a car.
33:37I'm gonna go.
33:40You're in a car.
33:42You're in a car.
33:44You're in a car.
33:46You're in a car.
33:48You're in a car.
33:50You're in a car.
33:53You can hear me.
33:54You can...
33:55Keep falling...
33:59Which you need to make?
34:01What do you want to drive?
34:02Check out from the archives.
34:06And I'll bet down.
34:08Touch the self.
34:09Touch the self.
34:10And down.
34:11Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
34:42Whoa!
34:44Whoa!
34:45Come on!
34:49Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
34:54Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
35:09Hey, hey, hey, hey.
35:24Come on, Livestreams, that was awesome, that was awesome, that was awesome, yeah, New
35:50York City!
Recommended
1:03:38
|
Up next
41:48
42:15
42:12
59:30
58:37
59:33
59:34
1:01:34
57:10
56:03
58:07
1:04:00
58:03
1:02:22
59:52
58:47
58:22
58:49
59:48