McHale's Navy - S02E04 - Is There a Doctor in the Hut - video Dailymotion

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McHale (Ernest Borgnine) and his men are determined that a glamorous film star (guest star Lisa Seagram) visit McHale's Island.

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00:00How do we look, Roe?

00:06Hey, ain't we a picture of combat fatigue?

00:09Gents, if we don't look like we need a week to leave a new Caledonia, we're in the wrong navy.

00:12Woo!

00:13Down, boy.

00:14I tell you, I still don't think Binghamton's gonna buy it.

00:16He's gotta buy it.

00:17We got 1,100 Yankee greenbacks invested in them war souvenirs.

00:21Either we get the new Caledonia and deliver the goods, or we look for a tall building to jump off of.

00:26Let's go, you bunch of kooks.

00:28Forward!

00:29Stagger.

00:30Now, see here, Colonel Pryor, according to my copy of your itinerary, Rita Howard has a free day on Wednesday.

00:41Now, I just thought it'd be nice if you could bring her whole show over here from New Caledonia and put it on here on our...

00:48Oh, you can't.

00:51You won't?

00:53I should do what?

00:55Oh, look here, Colonel, that's no way to talk to a...

00:58Hello there, Colonel.

00:59I know, that's no way to...

01:00Well, that gold-braided pipsqueak.

01:03Do you mean, sir, he had the nerve to hang up on you?

01:05Hmm.

01:06What a bitter pill to swallow, I'll tell you, Carpenter.

01:09You know, Admiral Rogers is a great admirer of Rita Howard's.

01:13Oh, and so am I, sir.

01:14I've seen all of her movies, and sure do you know, she is built like...

01:16Here, here, here.

01:17What's the matter with you?

01:18I know what she's built like.

01:20Oh, this is a foul blow.

01:21Foul blow!

01:22Admiral Rogers needs a new chief of staff.

01:25I wanted to have him down here and see the show, and then we could discuss the appointment.

01:29But now, I don't know.

01:30Now you'll have to try for the job on merit.

01:32Tough luck, sir.

01:33Yeah.

01:34Get out of here.

01:34Don't you have any friends of your own?

01:36Now!

01:36Did you hear that?

01:43Rita Howard's New Caledonia.

01:45Wow, what a dame!

01:46She's built like a...

01:47We know, we know, we know.

01:48Oh, boy, is that Binghamton steaming.

01:50Boy, oh, boy.

01:51Guys, this combat fatigue gag is out.

01:54I've just come up with an even better idea.

01:56What are you talking about?

01:56Yeah, what gives, group?

01:57Christy, you've got the best handwriting here, right?

01:59Yeah.

02:00Come on.

02:01We're going to write our own ticket to New Caledonia.

02:04And salute.

02:06We're going to write our own ticket.

02:36We're going to write our own ticket.

02:38did i hear right you cutthroats want me to give you a leave so you can go to new caledonia

03:02i know it's a little irregular going over the skipper's head like this sir but you see

03:06it's a hardship case the only hardship that you bandits will ever face is running out of rackets

03:12now get out of here out out out out yes sir sorry christie i guess you just have to write your

03:18cousin rita in caledonia and tell him the family reunion is off well i guess i can always see her

03:23in hollywood after the war at least you know you tried a trooper like your cousin rita howard knows

03:30the show must go on a minute you do did you say his cousin rita howard the movie star oh no captain

03:38i didn't say that you told and you swore that you would get me chris it slipped out of my mouth

03:43before i could stop do you realize what my life in the space will be now guys will be wanting my

03:48autograph my picture what guys will even be wanting to touch me yeah see i deserve it come on let's get

03:54out of here before you get me in anything now wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute are you

03:59trying to tell me that this cut this uh golden haired boy is a cousin to rita howard the movie star

04:08no captain i didn't say that hey group my cousin's letter it's gone oh is this it

04:16dear cousin george i'm so happy to know that we'll be seeing each other in new caledonia

04:24i can hardly wait to give you a big hug and a kiss from your little sister betty oh please sir

04:30that's very personal first of all i've got a whole day off wednesday to do anything my little heart

04:35desires christopher my boy do you suppose that you could get her little heart to desire to come

04:43here to our little base and put on a little show come on chris don't be so modest you know she'd do

04:50anything for you yeah but how can i ask her now that we can't get our leave who said anything about

04:56you don't did i yeah carpenter did you say anything about don't you say that he didn't say anything

05:00about no are you boys still here why aren't you packing go back with you cousin reed are waiting

05:05kelly back of all the lame brain stunts hold it you swabs but it worked it was a stroke of genius

05:18ah stroke of genius you christy yes sir so all of a sudden you're a movie star's cousin huh

05:24why didn't you go whole hogging and make it rinse tinted

05:28we had to do something if we don't get these souvenirs to new caledonia we'll go bankrupt

05:32yeah i made a great deal with sergeant wajahowski he runs the airstrip control tower there you know

05:36he's giving us three grand for that bunch of junk and what do you think binghamton will give you

05:40if rita harwood doesn't show up yeah i give you 30 days for insubordination and 60 days for false

05:45report and two years for being absent without leave condition red binghamton's gig oh no i hate

05:51i don't hate it for the hills yeah

05:53you come with me

05:57ah captain binghamton sir what a coincidence i was just on my way over to your base sir

06:04never mind the apple polishing mikhail i brought your leaf papers with me

06:08oh and now my boy i might have a little surprise for you when you get back like say another stripe on

06:14that arm ah no no wait a minute captain before this goes any further sir about miss howard sir

06:18you see i know about miss howard mikhail it's no good to try and pretend like she is not

06:22christopher's cousin the cat is out of the bag

06:24well i'll try and find her for you sir must be around here somewhere here

06:27what i meant sir was i don't care what you meant

06:35my boy this is a red letter day in my naval career

06:40you all right don't be nervous now i've invited admiral rogers over here for the show wednesday

06:46and i want to tell you he was delighted he was absolutely delighted admiral rogers

06:50captain you shouldn't have done that i mean uh what was it you see uh what was supposing miss howard

06:55didn't show up yeah you know people get laryngitis and broken legs yes and people also get broken

07:01next plus 60 days in the brig and that's what you're going to get if miss howard doesn't come

07:05here and put on her show wednesday for any reason whatsoever you read me

07:09loud and clear captain yes sir and what are we stalling for it's not polite to keep a lady waiting

07:14shove off get moving move out oh my boy don't hurt yourself cousin rita would never forgive me if you hurt yourself

07:21oh yes yes don't hurt

07:23all right come on let go for that come on let's go let's go

07:29let's get out

07:43wow now that's worth fighting the war for humber humber humber

07:48miss howard on behalf of the brave men of taratuba the fight in this pt base in the south pacific

07:53we'd like all right you guys move on up it's all right corporal i'd like to talk sorry miss howard

07:57kind of prize orders all right come on guys give the boys a hand i'm gonna make a direct run go

08:03ahead right skid all right you guys hold that line like admiral dewey said darn those tort people

08:10i told you guys you can't go in there yeah well now he may be right dewey didn't say anything about

08:15bayonets you guys

08:20gee i'm i'm sorry i hope the boys didn't upset you oh not at all

08:24in fact you'd be surprised how much a thing like this can do for a girl's morale

08:28commander uh mikhail uh quit mikhail ma'am i'm a skipper of the pt-73 out of taratuba

08:34look ma'am i want to be on a level with you you see one of my guys told a whopper to our commanding

08:41officer about you being his cousin oh and uh he also promised that he'd have you on our base tomorrow

08:48and frankly if we don't deliver we'll be fed to the sharks well i certainly couldn't let a thing

08:54like that happen first i'll have to clear it with the brass and then oh colonel prior this is commander

09:00mikhail from taratuba how do you do sir commander we were just discussing the possibility of bringing

09:06our show to his base tomorrow i'm afraid that's hardly practical miss out since we're flying out to

09:10pearl harbor tomorrow i thought i made that perfectly clear to that past binghamton oh yes

09:17sir uh but colonel taratuba wouldn't be too far out of your way uh maybe you could sit down say uh for

09:22about an hour or so negative mikhail now if you will miss hard the general is waiting sorry commander

09:31i guess we can't fight the pentagon bye and good luck uh bye miss howard and thanks for trying

09:41well skip what do we do now yeah if we show up without rita we're dead all on account of that

09:46fink colonel yeah he's another binghamton all right all right he's off you guys i'm trying to think

09:51while you're thinking skip we'll get this stuff over to the airstrip and deliver this junk to

09:54wajahowski at least that'll give us bribing money for the guards back at the bridge

09:58watch a house that's it that's why what is skip hey grub didn't you say that wajahowski was the

10:03control tower operator here right that's how he gets the worldwide delivery for the trinkets you see

10:08he lays out the flight plans of course skip you're beautiful hey great idea skip yeah all we do is

10:17get boji to reroute rita's plane to taratuba what we got to do is to figure out a plan to get that

10:23colonel out of the action while we uh your uncle dudley's done it again

10:44okay everybody up and out yeah to evacuate the plane let's go what are you doing here mcgail

10:50and furthermore what are we doing here oh you had to make an emergency stop colonel welcome to our

10:54tupa ma'am what's the trouble commander epidemic on new caledonia ma'am yes sir they discovered it

11:00right after you left somewhere isn't that right doctor doctor oh yeah well that's why the brand

11:07cookberry fever struck let's move out cookberry fever yes yes that's right the scourge of the

11:13solomon's wife the last time it hit it wiped out thousands millions thousands i didn't think it was a

11:18million all right all right come on let's move out like to say maybe your own just a second now who

11:24the devil are you dr parkage your service sir md dm bbc am and fm now look here doctor whatever your

11:31name is we are not budging

11:45all right

11:58all right everybody line up against the wall let's move it

12:02now see here they're expecting us at pearl harbor in just a few hours

12:06no talking

12:13think that thermometer was in long enough doctor uh oh yes yes it's the latest thing instant mercury

12:20normal oh thank heaven

12:22normal

12:29normal

12:33so normal

12:33normal that's the first symptom yeah

12:36all right everybody back this man may be contagious

12:39all right all you normals i'm sorry

12:41hurry hurry

12:42golly miss howard you don't know how happy i am that you're all right yes my fans would never

12:54forgive me if i die oh cocoa berry fever instant mercury hey you mean you knew it all the time

13:03and you're not sore you'll put on your act for us well i'll never be able to top your act but let's

13:08get the show on the road

13:21welcome to tarotuba miss howard it's the fighting as pt base in the south pacific

13:26well thank you captain captain binghamton isn't it yes yes but my friends call me wally

13:33yes oh oh miss howard may i present to admiral rogers

13:37all the kind of you to stop off here miss howard i don't see how i could have passed it up

13:43she'd do anything for me admiral anything oh and then cousin george cousin george i want

13:49to tell you miss howard this is a fine boy he's almost like a son to me this morning well i'm

13:53sure the whole family would be delighted to hear he's being so well taken care of dear cousin george

14:00family reunions always affect them this way oh yes uh how's that julius i mean uh uncle clary

14:11it sounds like showtime yes gentlemen we can't keep the troops waiting uh i'd better change oh i'll

14:16show you here ma'am right this way oh good good good hi admiral shall we take our seats

14:20sir i want to tell you a man with your background you ought to be at least a chief petty officer

14:29you can't keep me here my plane is due in pearl harbor at 2400 sorry sir doctor's orders you can't

14:36leave until he makes a thorough examination sorry sir can't have your spreading kookaberry

14:40bugs all over the pacific here's the doctor now

14:57well can't be too sterile you know around the hospital

15:00well you never use them in combat anyway

15:17oh no take a look here pardon me boy now where does it hurt where does what hurt i never felt

15:24better in my life oh fine fine classic simpson no pain well now we're just going to take a look

15:30here give me a light please you'll just fly forward face just straight up thanks thank you

15:37i see it it's definitely a marked inflammation of the anterior interior

16:01i'm not mistaken it's a hallucination of the central migraine area

16:12swelling in a low rep glass

16:15eddie's such a young man will you stop mumbling and tell me what this is about

16:20easy easy now colonel mayo clinic wasn't built in a day and i'll tell you something about your

16:24career easy please don't yell i have a headache aspirin please

16:31i'll tell you what this is about

16:33shoot shoot shoot shoot baby shoot you look baby bye bye bye baby

16:43your mama's off to seven seas don't cry baby don't sigh baby bye bye bye baby

16:55wow somebody's

16:57when i come back

16:57when i come back we'll live a laugh at least seems kind of tough now

17:04to say goodbye this way

17:08but mama's got to be rough now so that she can be sweet to you another day bye bye bye baby

17:16Bye, bye, bye, baby.

17:20Oh, don't cry, baby.

17:23Sure, baby.

17:26Your mama's off to the seven seas.

17:34Now, come back, Colonel.

17:36This won't hurt a bit.

17:37Can you see?

17:39There.

17:42Uh, how's the patient getting along, Doctor?

17:44Well, uh, not too good.

17:45We're going to have to put him on a pretty strict diet.

17:47You know, starve of fever, feed of cold.

17:49Oh, exactly.

17:49No, feed of cold, starve of fever.

17:51Oh, poppycock!

17:53I insist you let me up!

17:55Oh, he insists.

17:56I will let him up, too.

17:59McHale?

18:00What kind of doctor is this man?

18:03I've never seen such ridiculous medical procedure in my life.

18:06Oh, I've, uh, oh, well, Colonel, you're probably used to army doctors, sir.

18:10Uh, Dr. Parker here happens to be one of the finest medics in the Navy, sir.

18:14I don't care what he is.

18:15He's not laying another hand on me.

18:17The Pentagon will hear of this.

18:19Now, where's Miss Howard?

18:20And where's our plane?

18:22And where are my clothes?

18:27Guys, guys, come here.

18:29Now, we got to keep him here until I can hustle everyone back onto that plane.

18:35Forgive us.

18:36Hey, Skip, we can't do this.

18:43He's just a colonel.

18:44Why, what do you want us to try?

18:45You can try anything you want.

18:46After all, you're the doctor, aren't you?

18:49Oh, yeah.

18:50Yeah.

18:50Just keep him in that dressing room.

18:52See you later, boys.

18:53Yeah, well, I'm the doctor.

18:59Hi, fellas.

19:03Miss Howard.

19:04Miss Howard is wonderful.

19:05I loved your shoe shoe.

19:06It was marvelous.

19:07Oh, thank you, Captain.

19:08It was awfully kind of you to perform for us, Miss Howard.

19:11We're certainly indebted to you and Colonel Pryor.

19:13Colonel Pryor?

19:14Well, he didn't have anything to do with it, Admiral.

19:16Isn't that right, Cousin George?

19:18Cousin Reed, I mean, if anybody deserves the credit.

19:20By the way, where is the girl?

19:22I thought I heard one of the musicians say he's at the base hospital, sir.

19:24Base hospital?

19:26Well, Binghamton, maybe you'd better get over there and see if there's anything wrong.

19:29Oh, well, I don't think that's necessary, Admiral.

19:31No, I don't think that's necessary either, Admiral.

19:34In fact, I was planning on escorting Rita, Miss Howard, to the officer's club.

19:38Show her a little sample of Taratupa hospitality.

19:40Well, I will attend to that little chore myself.

19:43Meanwhile, you set your course with the hospital and see what's wrong with the colonel.

19:47Howard.

19:48Aye, aye, sir.

19:50Wipe that smile off your face.

19:51Hey, Skip, they're heading for the hospital.

20:03What?

20:04Hey, go!

20:05Don't!

20:06Captain Binghamton, don't go!

20:08Let's get in here, come on.

20:10Get in here!

20:10I command you to let me out!

20:27What is all the screaming about here?

20:28Come on, come on, come on!

20:30Let you mothers of mercy wait up with it!

20:33Well, well, well, well.

20:36Dr. Schweitzer, we meet again.

20:39Yeah, yeah, Schweitzer, yeah.

20:40Well, I get back to the boys in the hut, yeah.

20:43Wait a minute, I'll fall.

20:44Captain, Captain.

20:45Captain has a very simple explanation for all this, yes, sir.

20:48In the name of the United States Army, I demand you open this door!

20:55Who is that in there?

20:57Ho, ho, ho!

21:01Colonel Pryor?

21:04And you're Captain Binghamton, I take it.

21:06Well, I'm glad we had a chance to meet before I personally report you to the Secretary of the Navy!

21:14Why would you report me?

21:15You broke the door.

21:18I'm wise to your little scheme, Binghamton.

21:21Posing this imbecile as a doctor and locking me up so you could put on that show!

21:26You're just as deep as we are now, sir.

21:29How dare you?

21:30How what the hell?

21:31How dare you suggest that this imbecile is not a doctor?

21:36He's one of the top men in his field.

21:38Top men!

21:39Look at this equipment.

21:40Ever see anything like that?

21:41Come off it!

21:42This imposter doesn't know his eyeball from his elbow!

21:46And where the devil in my pants?

21:48Well, now, wait a minute.

21:49I resent that.

21:49Oh, shut up!

21:50I mean, I'll handle this, Doctor.

21:52I'll handle it.

21:53Look here, Colonel.

21:54Look here.

21:55I can personally testify to the ability of this ensign.

21:59This doctor.

22:00That's right, sir.

22:01Well, the captain's a regular patient of this doctor all the time.

22:03Oh, well, yes, sir.

22:04Absolutely, yes, sir.

22:05Of course, he's a bit neurotic, but, look, you expect him a hypochondriac.

22:08Oh!

22:09Oh!

22:10Come right over here, sir.

22:11Sit right down here, sir.

22:12He always imagined something wrong with him.

22:14Yes, sir.

22:15That's it.

22:16Well, we really got something this time.

22:18Primary whiplash of the secondary two-shary.

22:21Splint!

22:21Nothing.

22:24Boss!

22:24Cards!

22:25Nonsense!

22:26Nonsense!

22:42Hey, Skip, it's Admiral Rogers.

22:43He's heading this way.

22:44Admiral Rogers is coming here.

22:46Good!

22:47Then I can press my charges to him directly.

22:50All right, Chuck, Chuck!

23:05Can't be too sterile, sir.

23:14Now, what's going on here, Binghamton?

23:16I was told you were having a little trouble.

23:17Hey, I don't know how.

23:18All right, no, no trouble, sir.

23:20Whatever gave you that idea.

23:22Sir, Colonel Pryor at your service.

23:25I have a long list of serious charges to file against these men.

23:29For openers, they tried to pass off this nitwit Parker as a doctor.

23:36Is that a fact, sir?

23:37Well, Colonel, I'll have you know that Dr. Parker here is one of the finest young medics in my command.

23:42I wouldn't think of having anyone else touch my ulcer.

23:45You wouldn't?

23:47Colonel, I'll give you exactly ten seconds to change your mind and head for that plane.

23:51Or so help me.

23:52By the time it takes you to get there, you'll be a buck private.

23:55Oh, yes, sir.

23:56And put on your pants.

23:58You have a uniform.

24:02Colonel, before you start pressing any charges, Colonel, I want you to know I had nothing to do with this.

24:07Oh, well, then, McHale, I guess you have to take all the credits.

24:13Uh, me, sir?

24:14Certainly.

24:16I have been practically hysterical ever since Miss Howard told me the story.

24:21It's about time someone put that pompous colonel in his place.

24:25Well done, Commander.

24:26Your plan was sheer genius.

24:30Oh, that was good.

24:33Bye-bye, Admiral.

24:34I think I'm going to be sick.

24:39Oh, well, now, don't you worry about a thing, Wally.

24:40It's your doctor.

24:41Ah, wait, wait, wait, we got a house call to make.

24:43Let's go.

24:43All right.

24:45Bye.

25:04Bye.

25:05Bye.

25:06Bye.

25:07Bye.

25:08Bye.

25:09Bye.

25:10Bye.

25:11Bye.

25:12Bye.

25:13Bye.

25:14Bye.

25:15Bye.

25:16Bye.

25:17Bye.

25:18Bye.

25:19Bye.

25:21Bye.

25:23Bye.

25:23You

McHale's Navy - S02E04 - Is There a Doctor in the Hut

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