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Awkward (2011) Season 1 Episode 6

#RealityRealmUS
Reality Realm US
Transcript
00:00Three spots were open, and I was sick at the thought of actually landing one.
00:04Because the knickknackers weren't obsessed with helping the homeless.
00:07They were obsessed with plastic.
00:10Plastic was the power currency of Palos Verdes, in the skin and in the wallet.
00:15To be a certified PB mom meant you had to rock a bodacious body in a black Amex,
00:20neither of which were earned by a day job.
00:23To a PB mom, working meant working out, or working a room, or being a knickknacker.
00:29And my mom was going to stay up in my grill until she became one.
00:33Sweetie, please try and make a good impression.
00:36I'm trying.
00:37Try harder.
00:38Did we miss anything? Tamara was positively paranoid getting ready.
00:42Because you hijacked my fave footies.
00:43Mom, I did you a solid. You can't wear sandals with a tweaked toe sitch.
00:47Do these wedges look cheap-ski?
00:48No, not at all. They look very chic.
00:51Love you.
00:53Okay, now it's time to divide.
00:54And conquer.
00:59Where is your name tag?
01:01I'm trying to keep a low-pro.
01:02Heat off any embarrassment for you.
01:05Too late.
01:06As always, I was powerless to my mother's subtle persuasion.
01:10I was also strangely powerless to the feeling that the house belonged to someone emotionally disturbed.
01:16Or worse, evil incarnate.
01:23Moe to the foe.
01:25I was in Sadie Saxton's house.
01:27You know this is a charity league?
01:35Not a charity, right?
01:37Can I get a name tag?
01:38When you cut your name across your wrist, is it with one N or two?
01:42Ha, two.
01:46You're welcome.
01:47Whoa, there.
01:53Hi.
01:54I didn't expect to see you here.
01:56Just a little part-time gig.
01:58Sadie hooked me up.
02:00So what's going on?
02:01Do you want to be a knick-knacker?
02:02No, I do not.
02:03My mother does.
02:04I'm here under duress.
02:06Well, you look nice.
02:08I do?
02:08Yeah.
02:11So did you get my text?
02:13About hanging out tonight?
02:13Yes, but I just better get back to work.
02:19Is McKibben schlocking cocktails?
02:21Yes, we just talked.
02:22But he seemed a little distant.
02:24Do I look like a hooker?
02:25My mom made me wear mascara.
02:27Or do you think Maddie knows Jake kissed me?
02:29No way.
02:29Guys don't talk.
02:30Plus, you said it was an accident.
02:32I'd say the freak-a-deek was in response to your name tag.
02:38Bitch.
02:40You have to be cruel to be kind.
02:43Why does that expression sound so familiar?
02:46It's number seven on the letter.
02:48You have to be cruel to be kind.
02:50Sadie wrote the letter!
02:53Welcome, ladies.
02:54I am Darlene Saxton, president of the Knickknackers.
02:58And this is my beautiful and dedicated daughter, Sadie.
03:02Beautiful?
03:03Questionable.
03:04Dedicated?
03:05Not a question.
03:06Sadie was dedicated to making my life hell.
03:09After today's orientation, a few of you will be invited to join a chapter event.
03:15And from there, three of you will be initiated.
03:19Okay, go.
03:20Pretend to fit in.
03:23What do you think?
03:25It was the mother of my enemy.
03:27I like it.
03:28Is it Gessick?
03:30You have a good eye.
03:31My husband, he thinks it's pretentious vandalism.
03:33But really, it's my husband who's pretentious.
03:37Darlene seemed cool.
03:39Maybe Sadie was adopted.
03:40I just bought another piece.
03:42Come.
03:50Your home is spectacular.
03:54Oh, no.
03:55But it'll need a serious scrubbing after all the trash leaves.
03:59It must be frustrating putting on a show with girls you don't like.
04:02I don't.
04:03I tell it like I see it.
04:04And as I see it, there's a girl here who should be shot.
04:10Your hair has so much shine.
04:13It's natural.
04:14I wish my daughter had that shine.
04:17Do you know Jenna?
04:20Only by reputation.
04:22She seems very special.
04:24Oh, especially when she does her hair.
04:28So, why is she...
04:30Never mind.
04:32No, you can ask me anything.
04:33Is she mentally ill?
04:36Honey, can you fix up my friend up with a drink, please?
04:39Excuse me.
04:40Sabrina!
04:42What do you want?
04:43I wanted to hang out with him.
04:45Ginger ale?
04:45Any ginger ale down there?
04:47I hadn't seen Jake since he'd impulsively shoved his tongue down my throat.
04:51And by the look of him, you'd have thought I never gave it back.
04:56Babe!
04:56Babe!
04:56Babe!
04:56Babe!
05:02Anyway, babe, make sure you grab a bottle of schnapps for later, okay?
05:08Ellie!
05:11Dude!
05:12What's going on?
05:14Miss Montgomery fill you up, too?
05:16Okay, look.
05:17Here's the deal.
05:18Look, but you gotta promise you're not gonna tell anybody, okay?
05:21Yeah, put away your titties and tell me.
05:23I kissed Jenna Hamilton.
05:24What?
05:24What are you doing?
05:28Snooping.
05:28I found Satan's room.
05:32Oh, we should not be in here.
05:34Of course we should.
05:35The cow has perpetually tried sabotaging your life.
05:38Time to sabotage hers.
05:41What are you doing?
05:42I'm gonna pee on her bed.
05:44You can't.
05:45You're right.
05:45It'll leave DNA.
05:46Okay.
05:46She has straight A's?
05:55Made sense.
05:56To be a raging bitch, Sadie had to be clever.
05:59To be clever, she had to be smart.
06:03Of course.
06:04She rides horses.
06:07Dude, how big is that horse?
06:11OMG.
06:12I found the motherlode.
06:14That's not cool.
06:15That's her diary.
06:16What are you doing in here?
06:22Adjusting.
06:23Jenna sat on a votive, so we had to hide the whole,
06:25all done, no more ass crack.
06:30Okay.
06:33The diary was seductive, and yet reading it just didn't...
06:37Sit right.
06:39I think our chances are strong.
06:41Did you see how much Darlene took a liking to you?
06:44We are all but in.
06:45Are you sure this was a good idea?
06:47We can volunteer on our own.
06:49Yeah, but then what's in it for us?
06:53Sweetie, are you feeling too much pressure?
06:56Mrs. Saxton's daughter mentioned...
06:58Sadie, what did Sadie mention?
07:00She said you were acting a little strange at school.
07:02Are you feeling okay?
07:04She seemed really worried.
07:05I'm sure she is, but there's nothing to worry about, Mom.
07:08We are going to rock the knick-knackers.
07:10We are!
07:12Now I am going to go rock dinner.
07:18Enough was enough.
07:19I was tired of being powerless to Sadie's sinister savagery.
07:23It was time for me to employ my own mean girl ammunition.
07:26But turns out, I didn't just have Sadie's diary.
07:29I had her food journal.
07:31And the one thing Sadie would never want to get out.
07:34Her weight.
07:39It's her food diary?
07:41And a log of her weight.
07:42She's actually making a lot of strides.
07:43I gotta see it.
07:45Where is it?
07:46At home.
07:46I couldn't risk losing it.
07:48I mean, now that I have the upper hand, I need to figure out how to play it.
07:50You play your hand by letting her know you have a hand.
07:54Then you hold it over her head so she'll leave you alone.
07:57So I just walk up to her and say,
07:58Hey, Sadie, I have your food journal.
08:00And yeah, I stole it.
08:01That'll go over well.
08:02Think about the little people.
08:04She's not just ruining your life.
08:06She's ruining everyone's.
08:08You suck at being anorexic.
08:11Time to embrace bulimia.
08:13You're welcome.
08:14If you just admit your parents are cousins,
08:17people will stop making fun of your learning disability.
08:20You're welcome.
08:22Be muy excelente at gardening or bussing tables,
08:25and maybe you'll get to stay in this country.
08:28De nada.
08:29Jay, this is your chance to be a hero.
08:31You have all the power.
08:33Yeah, but with power comes responsibility.
08:36I have to be strategic.
08:37What I need is a plan and a mature perspective.
08:42Something neating you up?
08:43Actually, yes.
08:44There's this girl, this very mean girl,
08:46who's been out to get me.
08:47And recently, I came into possession of something
08:50that could bring her down.
08:52But I'm not ready to resort to fighting fire with fire,
08:54and yet I'm not really sure talking things out is a good idea.
08:58You did the right thing by coming to me.
09:00Who is this problem, child?
09:02Sadie Saxton?
09:04Oh, my.
09:04Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my.
09:08And you're not comfortable with blackmail?
09:12Oh, I can see why you're in a pickle.
09:14You and I both know how manipulative Sadie can be,
09:17and I bet that makes you angry.
09:18You probably want to fight her.
09:20Yeah, no, it makes me angry, but I don't...
09:22But she is bigger than you,
09:24she is stronger than you,
09:25and she's a whole lot meaner, so...
09:28If you're going to fight her,
09:29you have to fight dirty.
09:31Pull her hair, scratch her eyes out,
09:33punch her in those big old fun bags.
09:34Boom, boom.
09:35You're encouraging me to fight her?
09:37Of course not.
09:38I am a professional.
09:45Are you sure there isn't another solution?
09:48Can't you do something?
09:49Oh, see, that's a tricky sitch.
09:51On the one hand, Sadie has hurt a lot of people,
09:53but on the other, she could hurt me.
09:55See how that's a conflict of interest?
10:01So, you never told me
10:03what you were going to do about Jenna.
10:04There's nothing to do.
10:05Not into her?
10:07It was just an impulsive kiss, man.
10:09Come on.
10:09A real kiss, or like a...
10:11heck.
10:12I can't remember.
10:13Probably means it wasn't very good.
10:17Who started it, you or her?
10:18What does it matter?
10:19It doesn't.
10:20Just trying to help you sort things out,
10:22considering you have a girlfriend and all.
10:23Why do you care so much?
10:25I don't.
10:26I'm just trying to help you, ass...
10:28So, you think I should say something to Jenna?
10:32Oh.
10:33No, just let it go.
10:36You know, she's probably not thinking about it.
10:38Or you.
10:43Right?
10:43You're right.
10:45They're just terrible and elitist snobs.
10:47And named after crap that clutters up your house.
10:50See, now, you don't have to clutter up your calendar
10:53with all of their BS charity events.
10:55For shiz.
10:56We're better than them.
10:58We are.
10:59Now, you're going to go home,
11:01and you're not going to let them see you sweat.
11:08Mom, I am so sorry we didn't get in.
11:11That totally blows.
11:12It does.
11:14But not for us!
11:16We made it to the next round!
11:19I just didn't want to say anything in front of Tam
11:21because she was feeling so bad.
11:23Aren't you excited?
11:23I am on the inside.
11:25Oh, sweetie, don't worry about not having Tamora around.
11:29This is going to be a great opportunity
11:32for you to meet new friends.
11:33Oh, like that sweet, sweet Sadie.
11:36Don't even think about crossing me, Consuela.
11:40Because the last housekeeper that ratted me out
11:42was conveniently Deportate.
11:46No!
11:47Sadie!
11:47Don't come in.
11:54I said don't come in.
11:56I don't need a lecture right now.
11:59Well, you won't have the life you want
12:01if you keep up these bad habits.
12:03You could have scored any man you wanted.
12:05Why did you have to pick a man with a fat gene?
12:08He wasn't fat when we got married.
12:10Well, thanks to you and your lack of due diligence,
12:12I'm going to die alone because you fell in love
12:14with a man with strong, recessive chub.
12:16You won't die alone.
12:19Right.
12:20I forgot about Patty, my lesbian lover
12:22who'd rather eat pizza than have sex.
12:25You don't understand
12:28what it's like
12:31to be surrounded
12:32by all of the girls
12:34who can eat everything
12:35and do everything
12:37and they're perfect.
12:39Oh, pumpkin.
12:41They never have to think twice
12:43about calories
12:44or how they'll look
12:46in their plus-size party dresses.
12:48Which are really hard to find, by the way,
12:50because the only stores
12:51that sell sexy dresses in my size
12:53are cholo stores
12:54and I'm not a hoochie
12:55and I don't wear tangerine well.
12:56I just want to wake up
13:02and wear whatever I feel like wearing
13:07because it all fits
13:09and looks good.
13:12But instead, I'm powerless
13:15to the sausages that topple as my arms
13:18and the Jenny Craig that lives inside my head.
13:21You have no idea how hard I'm trying, Mom.
13:24I'm really trying.
13:28Honey, I know you are
13:30and you will be successful
13:32if you track what you eat.
13:38Are you still writing it all down?
13:41Good.
13:48Honey, you know who might be
13:50a good person to talk to?
13:51Jenna Hamilton.
13:53She is a darling figure.
14:02Don't tell anyone.
14:03So it's a knick-knacker secret?
14:05Tell Clarissa
14:06that the next event
14:07is actually formal
14:08even though it doesn't say it
14:09on the invite.
14:10All in-the-know mothers
14:12and daughters
14:13are going to be decked out.
14:15Am I in the know?
14:17Yes.
14:18I just told you.
14:24Suddenly, I knew the way in.
14:26Or I had a way out
14:27if I didn't tell my mother.
14:29But I was a sucker.
14:31Thank God
14:31you have the inside track.
14:33Could you imagine
14:33if we were the only ones
14:34to show up wearing jeans?
14:36It would be humiliating.
14:38Yes, which begs the question
14:39why would you want
14:40to be affiliated
14:41with horrible women
14:42who want to humiliate each other?
14:43Because...
14:44Being a knick-knacker
14:47means that
14:48I won't just be
14:49that girl
14:49who got knocked up
14:50in high school
14:51or that girl
14:52who didn't go to college
14:53and make something of herself.
14:56If we get in,
14:57I will finally be the person
14:59that I've always wanted to be.
15:00You'll be a knick-knacker.
15:03And I'll be in.
15:04Apparently,
15:05mean girls don't grow up.
15:06They just get older.
15:08Mom, you can still
15:08go to college.
15:10Yeah, but what's the point?
15:11I'm too old
15:12to pledge a sorority.
15:13I know exactly
15:14what I'm going to wear.
15:16It's dressy
15:16without being too fancy.
15:19Okay.
15:25I am going
15:26to kill you.
15:33I cannot believe
15:34you purposely sabotaged us.
15:36I didn't.
15:37I swear I heard Sadie
15:38say it was a formal event.
15:40I thought she told you.
15:41Well, not really
15:42on speaking terms.
15:44She sort of hates me.
15:45Now I get it.
15:46You made me look
15:47like an idiot
15:48so you could turn
15:48your nose up
15:49to her
15:50and this entire organization
15:51that you never
15:52really wanted to join.
15:53It's just selfish.
15:55Oh, great.
15:57Now I've ruined my dress.
16:01Way to be sensitive
16:03to the cause.
16:04Sadie had set me up
16:06and I was finally prepared
16:08to exact revenge.
16:10Or was I?
16:12Sadie didn't just hate me.
16:13She hated herself.
16:15She was as powerless
16:15to the stigma
16:16of her weight
16:17as I was
16:18to the stigma
16:18of my fake suicide.
16:20Was it possible
16:20that we had something
16:21in common?
16:23that.
16:24I had to take
16:25the bitch down.
16:25How does it feel
16:28to mock the homeless?
16:30Heartless much.
16:34Tea.
16:36You know what
16:36I've been craving lately?
16:38Fluffernutters.
16:39I have a real weakness
16:40for them.
16:43You?
16:45Oozing?
16:46Skitch.
16:48Give me my journal back
16:50or I will make
16:51your life miserable.
16:53Well, you kind of
16:53already do that
16:54so how about making
16:55my life a little better?
16:56How about ensuring
16:57I get a bid
16:57for the knickknackers?
16:59How about
16:59you go f*** yourself?
17:01Give it back.
17:03How do you want it?
17:03Post it all over the walls
17:05or over the web?
17:06We can make her
17:07a copy of it.
17:08That's a great idea
17:09but why not share
17:10the wealth?
17:11You wouldn't dare.
17:13You have to be cruel
17:14to be kind.
17:16You're welcome.
17:17The devil got my number
17:19and the devil got my size
17:21and the devil got my head
17:23and the devil got my head
17:24and the devil got my eyes.
17:25I'mma try not to get
17:26Let's welcome
17:27our new knickknacker.
17:28I had sealed the deal
17:29for my mom
17:30so it was time
17:31to see a one for myself.
17:34One more thing.
17:35Why did you write me
17:36that evil letter?
17:37What letter?
17:39You know,
17:39the one you were too cowardly
17:40to sign your name to.
17:42If I wrote you
17:43an evil letter
17:43you better believe
17:45I'd sign my name.
17:46She was telling the truth
17:48but if Sadie
17:49didn't write the letter
17:50who did?
17:51How do I know
17:51you didn't make a copy?
17:52You don't.
17:54I guess you're just
17:55going to have to trust me.
17:56Where Sadie's power
17:57was about being cruel
17:58I decided mine
18:00was about being kind.
18:12Hey.
18:13Hey.
18:16Looks like you're
18:17in the clear with Hamilton.
18:19Good thing you didn't
18:20make a big deal out of it.
18:21Yeah.
18:22I was thinking
18:22the same thing.
18:24You know, like
18:24if I would have said something
18:26it might encourage her,
18:27you know?
18:27Yeah.
18:28Yeah, not a good idea.
18:30You know, but then
18:30talking it out with you
18:31made me realize
18:32I might be kind of into her.
18:36And maybe it would be good
18:38to talk it out
18:38so something like that kiss
18:39doesn't happen again.
18:42I'm saving you, dude.
18:44Trust me.
18:44Well, Jenna,
18:46she has low self-esteem
18:48which is a strong marker
18:49she will follow
18:50in her mother's footsteps
18:51and get pregnant
18:52at 17.
18:54Sadie made a good point.
18:55She said
18:56as a charity organization
18:58you should have
18:58at least one charity case.
19:01No.
19:02It's bugging me.
19:04I'm going to text Jenna
19:04to see if she wants to talk.
19:06What if she hasn't
19:07texted you back?
19:08She's going to have
19:09all the power.
19:10What?
19:11This isn't junior high.
19:12Excuse us.
19:21I'm not feeling well.
19:23I've come to my senses.
19:24We don't belong here.
19:25Come on.
19:42She wants me to call her.
19:58Power was a zero-sum game.
20:00When you allow someone
20:01to take it,
20:02they will.
20:03Maddie had all the power
20:04in our relationship
20:05because I let him.
20:07But that
20:08was about to change.
20:09Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
20:11Go, go, go, go, go!
20:16Next on Awkward, we had an accidental kiss.
20:19You should go home.
20:20Figure out what you want, Maddie, because I'm tired of being your secret.
20:23Jenna has been chosen to play dead Stacey!
20:26The reason that I keep bringing up our kiss is because...
20:41...I don't know what you want, Maddie, because I don't know what you want.
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