Awkward (2011) Season 1 Episode 2 - Knocker Nightmare - video Dailymotion

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Awkward (2011) Season 1 Episode 2  #Awkward #RealityRealmUS Reality Realm US

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00:00Beginning. My sideshow status as the suicide freak was about to end, and my creeper gear was on the verge of retirement.

00:06Thank God. Because the high-five fake-out was getting old. Really old.

00:11For six weeks, I'd fantasized about two things.

00:15My first fantasy involved some intimate touching.

00:18Of the elbow.

00:21And my second was centered on any and all parts of Maddie McKibben.

00:26Um, it wasn't like I was obsessing. Or that I'd counted the seven times I'd caught Maddie looking at me since school started.

00:33I've swam through some crocodiles. Cutting myself on their smiles. And it's been a while till I can smile again.

00:43Eight, if you've counted the time I wiped out on the quesadilla.

00:47And I did. It counted.

00:50Okay, maybe I was obsessing. A little.

00:52But it was keeping me from fixating on something I was desperately trying to forget.

00:57The evil anonymous carefrontation letter.

01:00It could bite me. And it always did.

01:03Pull your head out of your ass and stand out.

01:06Standing out was not a problem.

01:08Blending in was the new name of the game, and I was...

01:11Jenna! We're gonna be late!

01:14Ready?

01:14On the count of three.

01:16One.

01:17Two.

01:19Wait!

01:19Is there anything that we need to be prepared for?

01:26Like what?

01:27Deformity.

01:29Yeah, I've heard that sometimes an arm can shrink up to a tenth of its size.

01:32It'll still function, and it'll probably look normal in a year.

01:36A year?

01:36You're scaring her! It's not like she's gonna have a gimpy baby arm.

01:41Or is that possible?

01:42Worst case scenario, if it's unsightly,

01:45can we might pose a good arm to match the bad one?

01:48Mom, stop! You're wigging me out!

01:49I just want to know what all of our options are!

01:51Mrs. Hamilton, can we speak privately?

01:58Distract me, please?

02:00I brought you a gift!

02:02Are you batsh is that?

02:03Put that away!

02:04I'm not aiding and abetting!

02:06It's for her pit!

02:07That thing's gonna need some serious weed whacking.

02:09You're never gonna see any action looking like Euro trash.

02:11Mara still didn't know I'd already seen action

02:13when I took a ride on Maddie's joystick at summer camp.

02:16I'd been dying to tell her, but...

02:18the timing wasn't right.

02:19Okay.

02:21No more distractions.

02:32Sweetie.

02:34Your cast is off.

02:35And your arm looks legit.

02:38What the hell is this?

02:40Tackiness.

02:40Your pediatrician obviously needs a lesson in style.

02:43As well as bedside manners.

02:45No, but why is Elmo on my arm?

02:47You dislocated your shoulder when you fell off the table.

02:50Don't tweak!

02:51You only have to wear it for like a week.

02:52Although you might want to upgrade that shiz neck

02:54because it glows in the dark.

02:58Half my life.

03:05Your mom was right.

03:07It's very slimming to your bicep.

03:09Yeah.

03:09I hear skinny slings are in.

03:11I could always add a little mingling

03:13to make it more eye-catching.

03:14Thanks, but I've had no eyes on me for a lifetime.

03:19Maybe people would stop staring at you

03:21if you could just finish the abortion your mom botched.

03:24We should have bitched that bitch out.

03:26I mean, what leg does she have to stand on

03:29giving you a hard time?

03:30A thick one.

03:31Let's not provoke the demon.

03:33I'm siding with ming.

03:40Look, nine.

03:41If I was counting.

03:43Okay, I was counting.

03:44Sue me.

03:45More tape.

03:48More tape.

03:51Who are you stalking, creeper?

03:53Nobody.

03:54What were you saying?

03:55Who are you bringing to the concert tonight?

03:57Who would I take, Jake?

03:58Oh, I don't know.

03:59I mean, anyone here would go with you.

04:01Look, just please bring someone.

04:03I don't want to listen to Alyssa bitch anymore

04:05about how we're always a threesome.

04:06She brought up a threesome.

04:10Can't you bring the mystery girl from camp?

04:12And miss an opportunity to annoy Alyssa.

04:14No.

04:15What's the deal?

04:16Does this chick have a d*** or something?

04:17Do you ever think it might be you that embarrasses me?

04:19As your best friend, it's my job to embarrass you.

04:22By the way,

04:23if you want to take our bromance to the next level,

04:25you're going to have to get me drunk first,

04:26you little slut.

04:27Look.

04:28Whoa, whoa, whoa.

04:31Enough with the bum chum.

04:32No one likes gay porn before noon.

04:39Hey, what happened to your tree branch?

04:41Oh, it was trimmed.

04:43It was a record.

04:44Two glances in less than 15 minutes.

04:47Maddie was definitely thinking about me.

04:49Hope for my fantasy to become my reality

04:51had been reignited.

04:52Reignited.

04:53I was high on hope and...

04:55It's rude to stare.

04:56Sadie's sweetness.

04:58You're welcome.

05:04Sadie?

05:05Sadie!

05:06The standard operating procedures of high school,

05:22like P.E.,

05:23were once again part of my routine.

05:26But not even the communal shower could bring me down.

05:28I was happily...

05:29Sorry!

05:32...back in action.

05:33Everything is getting so big on me.

05:40Jake thinks I have an eating disorder.

05:42How annoying is that?

05:45I don't know why you're stressing on that

05:46when jacked-up Jenna's all up in your boyfriend.

05:50Why would you check her out?

05:51She's jacked up.

05:54Or do you think she's pretty?

05:55Of course I don't think she's pretty.

05:57But since you're both hovering around a seven,

05:59I thought you might be a little worried.

06:01I'm a seven?

06:02Freaks like Hamilton wield the power of reckless abandon

06:05because they have nothing to lose.

06:07Especially with sex.

06:09Think she made a purity pledge?

06:13What should I say to Jake?

06:15Nothing.

06:16Unless you want to seem desperate.

06:18Personally,

06:19I would do something to highlight her nastiness.

06:21Take a nudie shot of her.

06:34It's brill.

06:36Now let's see what everyone else thinks

06:38of these itty, bitty titties.

06:43It was amazing.

06:45No one even got off the moon or in the mile.

06:46Your 15 minutes are officially up at last.

06:49You know, being invisible, completely underrated.

06:52I really miss being ignored.

06:53And I really miss having you focus on me

06:55because there's a crisis I can't ignore.

06:56It's major.

06:58Ricky Schwartz has been compulsively

07:00stirring the party mix in his pants.

07:02He's probably just adjusting.

07:03Is adjusting every 20 minutes normal?

07:05Or should I be worried he has some sort of infestation?

07:07I'm sure it's under the radar of concern.

07:10Just like me.

07:11I'm on the road to recovery and...

07:14Everything is status quo.

07:15And you're no longer an outcast?

07:18That was just a little humor.

07:21To disarm you.

07:25Tough crowd.

07:26So, how you feeling about the spike

07:28in the teen suicide rate?

07:30Wrists feeling itchy?

07:31Valerie still needed to work on her sensitivity,

07:33but even her lack of tact couldn't burst my bubble.

07:36Actually, the suckage level of my life

07:38is currently pretty low.

07:40In fact, I was thinking...

07:41Work it, girl!

07:42I love your thinking.

07:43That, um...

07:45Maybe we could turn our weekly meetings

07:46into monthly meetings instead?

07:50Why do you think your life doesn't suck?

07:53It's because of these meetings.

07:55Or because I'm fine.

07:56So there's absolutely nothing

07:57you're feeling bad about?

07:59No.

08:00Course load?

08:00No.

08:01Your body?

08:01No.

08:02Not even your big teeth?

08:03No.

08:11What about your breasts?

08:14I don't know what the big deal is.

08:31There's not much to cease.

08:36Not only did my reality still suck serious ass,

08:39but apparently,

08:41so did my fantasy.

08:44I was paralyzed.

08:50And the talk of the school.

08:52Again.

08:53But what I couldn't understand

08:54was why my brabusters were so fascinating.

08:58It's not so much that they're small

08:59as that the diameter of the areola

09:01is not proportionate to the size of the breast.

09:03No matter which way you look at them,

09:05they always look back at you!

09:08Lusso!

09:09Majide oki!

09:11I'm not a predator.

09:12This is my job.

09:13At least I was safe in the sanctuary

09:15where only one rule applied.

09:17Don't ask, don't tell.

09:19I really appreciated that the regular misfits

09:21didn't care about my knocker nightmare.

09:23They were busy.

09:27Sizing up my hooters.

09:30Evidently, the sanctuary got good reception.

09:33Jenna?

09:33We got your text.

09:37Where are you on the Britney meter?

09:39I might be Britney mid-head shave.

09:42Caught Maddie making fun of me.

09:43He is so what in whatever.

09:45Just be grateful you didn't hook up with that jackhole.

09:48I am.

09:49I needed to tell Tamara

09:50that I had given Maddie the gift of my vagi.

09:53But it still wasn't the right time.

09:55You need to ignore the stairs

09:57and act like it doesn't bother you.

09:58He's right.

09:58The more you let it roll,

09:59the less peeps will pay attention to you.

10:06I was trying to chillax,

10:08but the only thing I could let roll were my eyes

10:10because my mother had conveniently forgotten

10:12to pick me up or answer her phone.

10:15Do you think I love you more than you love me?

10:18What?

10:18Well, sometimes I just think

10:21that our love is not equal.

10:23Um.

10:26Hey, Hamilton.

10:28You need a ride?

10:30I'm cool with walking.

10:32Oh, no.

10:33Come on.

10:33We insist.

10:37Come on.

10:40Why can't she sit in the back?

10:42Because my amps are massive.

10:43She might bump her arm.

10:48Hop in.

10:48Just, um,

10:53it takes a minute to warm up.

10:57So, um,

10:59look, I heard what happened to you today,

11:01and how you holding up?

11:02I'm managing.

11:04Dude, I'm sorry.

11:06It was a massive blowhard maneuver.

11:08Really despicable.

11:09I'm over it.

11:10It's turning the other cheek

11:11the right thing to do.

11:12No.

11:13No, it's not.

11:16Jenna, you gotta find out

11:17who did this

11:18and get them expelled.

11:19I bet the culprit

11:20already feels bad.

11:21You know, sometimes guilt

11:22is punishment enough.

11:24Evil people don't feel guilty,

11:26Lisa.

11:26I mean, if the culprit

11:27had a conscience,

11:28he would have never done it

11:29in the first place.

11:29I was getting the distinct feeling

11:31that the incident

11:32wasn't gonna die down

11:33anytime soon.

11:35But at least I'd find refuge

11:36from all the pity at home.

11:40Oh, honey.

11:41Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

11:43It's okay.

11:44I mean, it's not like you

11:45haven't forgotten to pick me up

11:46from school before.

11:47I know, but considering

11:48what happened today,

11:50Tamara called you?

11:51I saw it on my news feed.

11:52Sad fact.

11:53My mom had more cyber friends

11:55than I did.

11:56But we are gonna turn

11:57that frown upside down.

11:59I have a surprise.

12:02What is that?

12:03It's you with a little enhancement.

12:05A little.

12:06It's perfectly fine

12:07to have Bangladeshi boobies

12:09these days because now

12:10we don't have to dream

12:12about having a new chest.

12:14We can buy one.

12:15I did.

12:17When did you get a boob job?

12:19After high school

12:19when I decided to forego college

12:21and raise you instead.

12:23My mother was never subtle

12:24about acknowledging

12:25that I was more of a burden

12:26than a blessing.

12:27Your Nana and Papa

12:28let me use my college fund

12:30to graduate my breast

12:31to a new bra size.

12:33Say hello to Princeton

12:34and Harvard.

12:35You do realize that

12:36I'm still in my formative years

12:38and what you're telling me

12:39could be potentially

12:40psychologically scarring.

12:41Oh, please.

12:42I had to grow up

12:43without a cell phone.

12:45That was scarring.

12:46Mom, when you were my age

12:47no one had a cell phone.

12:48I don't have to explain myself.

12:50As your mother

12:50it is my job to scar you.

12:52And give me

12:53body dysmorphic disorder.

12:54Well, you say that

12:55like it's a bad thing.

13:01No?

13:02No.

13:03My reality

13:04without having my fantasy

13:05to look forward to

13:06was becoming too hard to bear.

13:08But I knew just what to do.

13:12I'd take control

13:16of the situation.

13:26Hey, everyone!

13:28Have a good look!

13:29In my fantasy scenario

13:32I was going to be

13:33the badass

13:34the rebel.

13:35I'd be a legendary

13:36sophomore rock star

13:37that no one would ever forget.

13:39But in reality

13:40I had 30 more people

13:43taking pictures

13:44of my tits.

13:45Jenna Hamilton

13:46please report

13:47to the office.

13:48I know who sexted

13:54your ta-tas.

13:56I can't go down for this.

13:57Jake will break up with me.

13:58Calm down.

14:00The picture was on my phone.

14:01I'll take the fall.

14:03What can they do to me anyway?

14:04My dad built the planetarium.

14:07Skidab.

14:08I did it.

14:12Well, that's a good start.

14:14Now can you explain

14:15why you did it?

14:16It was an accident.

14:18I've seen the picture

14:19and while the framing

14:20was very amateurish

14:22it was taken with intent.

14:25You're right.

14:26I did do it on purpose.

14:28But it was

14:28a public service announcement

14:30to illustrate

14:31what can happen

14:32if you change in public.

14:34Sorry.

14:35Can I go now, Valerie?

14:37It's Ms. Marks.

14:38Okay, Valerie.

14:40Listen, Sadie.

14:41I can't let you go

14:42until you acknowledge

14:43that what you did

14:44was not very friendly.

14:46Jenna and I aren't friends.

14:47No offense.

14:48None taken.

14:50Well, she may not be offended

14:51but I am.

14:52Why?

14:54We're friends.

14:56We are?

14:57Absolutely.

14:59And since we're friends

15:00we probably shouldn't

15:01waste each other's time.

15:03Not so fast, friend.

15:06I mean,

15:06what is the most important

15:08friend rule?

15:09Friends don't let friends

15:10wear mom jeans.

15:14No.

15:17Friends don't hurt

15:18their friends.

15:20Friends.

15:21Is that a threat?

15:22Are you kidding me right now?

15:24She is going easy on you.

15:25Sexing a nude picture

15:26is illegal.

15:27It is?

15:27Yes, I'm a minor.

15:29She's a minor.

15:29Oh, I get it.

15:31You two are in cahoots

15:32and this is a total setup.

15:34You know, Valerie,

15:35there are laws

15:35against this kind of

15:36emotional manipulation

15:37by administrators.

15:39No, no, no, no.

15:39There's no emotional manipulation

15:41going on here,

15:41is there, Jenna?

15:42There is,

15:43but it's not coming from you.

15:44That was straight up bullying.

15:47Please don't shoot the pot.

15:48And you.

15:48Right then,

15:49your tone of voice

15:50was very menacing.

15:51I am not feeling

15:52very safe here.

15:53No, no.

15:53I don't want you

15:54to feel unsafe.

15:55Then I probably should go.

15:56But be advised, Val.

16:00People have gone to jail

16:01for less.

16:03So watch yourself.

16:05I will.

16:06I really appreciate

16:08that sage advice.

16:11You're welcome.

16:19I think that was productive.

16:21I think that was productive.

16:26From an early age,

16:29all girls are conditioned

16:30to expect a romantic fantasy.

16:33Maybe I wasn't going to be

16:34one of those girls

16:34who gets the fantasy

16:35in high school.

16:37Maybe I'd have to wait.

16:38I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:39I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:40I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:41I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:42I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:43I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:44I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:45I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:46I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:47I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:48I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:49I'm going to be one of those girls.

16:50You know there's an app for that.

17:20Your mother told me what happened at school today, and what she advised, and I want to be clear about something.

17:29You are to ignore her.

17:30Been covering that base for five years, Dad.

17:33She means well, but you've got to remember that we were only two years older than you when you were born.

17:38Sometimes I think the lines get blurred by her desire to be your friend instead of your mother.

17:43Maybe we should get her glasses.

17:46So, you're not going to do anything crazy to your body, and you're not going to hurt yourself.

17:50Right?

17:51Dad, I don't hate myself.

17:53Just high school, and it's okay.

17:55I know it's going to end.

17:57Eventually.

17:59You're never going to be able to control the things that happen to you, sweetheart, but you will be able to control how you feel.

18:05Turn your lemons into lemonade.

18:07All right, smartass.

18:09Sleep tight.

18:21Hello?

18:22Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

18:24Rip the band-aid off.

18:26Okay.

18:27Ricky Schwartz said your boobs look like tiny torpedoes.

18:30And the good news, he'd still rub one out to them.

18:32Oh.

18:32TMI.

18:33So since you won't let me read your blog, what's the title tonight?

18:37Overexposed and underappreciated.

18:40Really, Jenna?

18:40Now you're just being emo.

18:44I forgot to tell you something.

18:46What?

18:46I had sex with Maddie McKibbin.

18:50What?

18:50Ah!

18:51How could you forget to tell me you humped Maddie?

18:53When?

18:53Where?

18:54I need to know details, and I need to know them right now.

18:57Where did this happen?

18:58When?

18:58You should have told me sooner, Jenna.

19:00Jenna!

19:01I got to call you back.

19:02Hello?

19:02You better not hang up to...

19:03Hi.

19:10I'll take down all the photos of you around school.

19:13Huh?

19:18Yeah.

19:24I'm sorry.

19:26It's about what you heard me say.

19:28It's okay.

19:29I'm over it.

19:29No, it is not okay.

19:33I need you to know that I...

19:34I wasn't making fun of you.

19:36I was just trying to deflect all the attention away from your boobs.

19:41Incidentally, they're pretty awesome.

19:43I'm sorry.

19:46You were being my hero.

19:52I was trying.

19:53I was trying.

20:16Next, on Encore.

20:19Maddie invited me to a party.

20:20He's taking you public, outing you as a couple.

20:23Are you and Maddie together?

20:25Who the f*** invited you?

20:28Looks like Maddie invited a lot of people.

20:30You look like you're having about as much fun as I am.

20:32It's my anniversary.

20:35You have to be home right away.

20:37I have a few hours to kill.

20:38I have a few hours to kill.

20:40I have a few hours to kill.

20:41I have a few hours to kill.

20:42I have a few hours to kill.

20:43I have a few hours to kill.

20:44I have a few hours to kill.

20:45I have a few hours to kill.

20:46I have a few hours to kill.

20:47I have a few hours to kill.

20:48I have a few hours to kill.

20:49I have a few hours to kill.

20:50I have a few hours to kill.

20:51I have a few hours to kill.

20:52I have a few hours to kill.

20:53I have a few hours to kill.

20:54I have a few hours to kill.

20:55I have a few hours to kill.

20:56I have a few hours to kill.

20:57I have a few hours to kill.

20:58I have a few hours to kill.

20:59I have a few hours to kill.

Awkward (2011) Season 1 Episode 2 - Knocker Nightmare

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