Awkward (2011) Season 1 Episode 8

Reality Realm US

Awkward (2011) Season 1 Episode 8 - The Adventures of Aunt Ally and the Lil' Bitch  #RealityRealmUS Reality Realm US

Transcript

00:00of parenting was to parent she was all about crossing inappropriate boundaries so the fact

00:05that she was finally acting appropriate felt suspicious something was definitely up oh i

00:11forgot the cupcakes cupcakes what the hell is going on with your mom think she has cancer

00:17maybe it was 95 degrees in november and there was a funk in the air maybe an earthquake was about to

00:23hit unfortunately it was another natural disaster my mom's bff ali what's up little bitch

00:37i would have preferred the earthquake

00:44when were you going to tell me ali was coming to visit

00:53oh i didn't tell you my suspicions were correct my mom was buttering me up to cushion the blow

00:58and man did ali blow hard you're gonna say hi or what what hi ali what have you been doing lately i

01:06don't know little e special k basically whatever i can get my hands on or whatever can get its hands

01:17on me

01:22so talk to me ladies now that buzzkill's out of town what's the plan for this weekend in suburban hill

01:29does buzzkill your dad i desperately need an alley injection

01:33and your kid needs a makeover i try to kill myself too if i look like that

01:39oh

01:40kid gloves out

01:41it's still a sensitive subject

01:43gotcha gotcha

01:44i am the queen of treading lightly

01:47this was coming from a woman who had simply referred to me as little bitch since the day i was born

01:52don't worry little bitch i know how we can fix your pity party we're gonna throw a kick-ass kegger and shake things up around here

02:01yeah

02:02no way

02:04there's no way we are having a party

02:06think about the red cup photo ops

02:09you don't understand

02:10ali is like a hurricane of trouble every time she comes to town i end up at child services

02:16you like ponies little bitch cool we're gonna bet on some

02:22what is he something cool i just turned this apple into a pipe

02:30Robert and i were just on the couch playing sit and spin

02:34okay no party but what about a simple kickback 10 maybe 12 peeps

02:38with ali there is no such thing as simple

02:43hey why am i always the last to know know what that you're having a party

02:48where did you hear that it's on your status update and i can read call you back

02:53mom

02:55mom are you logged into my home page

02:57mm-hmm log out now

03:00as your mother it is my responsibility to monitor your internet activity

03:05and make sure she's not chatting up any barneys

03:11wait what's a barney i don't know and i don't care we are not having a party

03:15jenna stop being so ungrateful

03:18your aunt ali is being very generous and open with you

03:21the only thing open about ali were her legs

03:23ali is not my aunt and while i appreciate the gesture of her gift i don't want it

03:29so

03:31i will not be attending or participating i don't want anything to do with this party

03:39hey

03:40jaytown

03:41hey i got the invite for your party what time should i be there

03:44his name is ricky schwartz

03:47he's a barney

03:48oh he's just not photogenic

03:50nine-ish

03:51do you guys have any good beer or should i bring some

03:53nah we got that covered

03:54but um

03:55what's your fave

03:56uh

03:57german

03:59me too

04:00see you at nine

04:01okay fine

04:05i guess i'll help out with this party

04:08under one condition

04:09we have to get german beer

04:11finally one of my friends throws a party and i'm on house arrest

04:14we'll give you the play-by-play tomorrow

04:16if you leave your iChat on i can be your virtual party police and monitor any nastiness that might occur in your bedroom

04:21yes you can totally heat off any sexcretions that might hit jenna's bed god forbid we have to crash on that shiznat

04:27give me a call later don't leave anything out

04:30ricky schwartz

04:32ricky schwartz

04:34hello

04:36hello

04:37beautiful

04:38don't beautiful me

04:40i can't help it

04:41you're beautiful

04:42so hey is it cool if i bring my crew to your besties party

04:45are they cute

04:47they're in the band

04:48oh

04:49okay

04:50well

04:51no kiki

04:52my muffin jealous

04:53no

04:54we just want this to be a clean party

04:56and she's a dirty girl

04:58i know you digitized her

05:00oh whoa whoa slow down little lady

05:03these hands do not roll

05:04i got them unreserved for you

05:06see you soon

05:07or later

05:08i'm co-hosting

05:09ciao

05:10everyone who's everyone is coming

05:12okay are you ready to make an entrance

05:14because you're crossing over a new boundary

05:16you're not just a party goer

05:18you are now a party giver

05:21if my party is epically awesome

05:23maybe maddie will finally see me as girlfriend material

05:29maybe it's not too late to tell maddie not to come

05:31yeah finally cooled off

05:34have a drink and get ready to be the hostesses with the mostesses

05:39no no kev

05:41we're not doing much

05:42we're about to go to bed

05:44oh

05:45is it that early

05:47what's up with the long faces

05:50it's like a sarah jessica parker convention in here

05:53um to have a party we sort of need people

05:55god you guys are so new

05:58this is a good sign this means that the people that are coming are cool and they know the protocol

06:04no one worth token with shows up before 10

06:06ever

06:07oh

06:08little bitch

06:10can't host a rager looking like that

06:12do-over

06:13now

06:17all right

06:18we're gonna tape your girls up

06:20and give the boys something to talk about

06:22what

06:26all right

06:27pull

06:28pull

06:28and then bite it

06:29bite it

06:30bite it hard

06:30bite it

06:31you got it

06:31okay down

06:34and

06:35up

06:36oh

06:37wow

06:38totally gives the illusion she's got a bod

06:40and now that you have cleavage

06:41and now that you have cleavage

06:42I have a dress you can wear

06:47I'm nervous

06:48here

06:52pop this

06:53I've already had two drinks

06:54don't be a wuss

06:55it's a beta blocker

06:56it'll just calm you down

06:59got any tips for me

07:01you don't have enough time

07:10got any tips

07:16oh

07:24hello

07:28hey

07:35what'm

07:36right

07:38it

07:39Was it possible that my mother let a guy sleep in my bed?

07:47Dumb question. Of course it was.

07:52Fun party, little bitch.

07:55Get a little drink in you and the girl goes wild.

07:59What do you mean by wild?

08:00When you took that kid out with your tongue?

08:04I didn't know you had it in you.

08:09Funny thing about getting drunk?

08:12Nothing.

08:13For six hours I was walking and talking and the memory was non-existent in my brain.

08:18I was Spiral City in every sense.

08:22Tamara wasn't answering her phone so I needed a cyber forensic ASAP

08:26because according to Allie, I'd gotten some action.

08:29And apparently, so did my homepage.

08:39Leave a message.

08:44T, it's me.

08:46Again.

08:47I really need to download.

08:48Call me back.

08:51Get off your computer now.

08:53We have got five hours until your dad gets home.

08:57Ugh.

09:01So, um,

09:02this guy I made up with,

09:04was his name Maddie?

09:06I don't remember his name.

09:07Anything you do remember.

09:11Hmm.

09:12He had on green sneaks.

09:14It was possible that Maddie had green shoes.

09:16But green seemed more Jake's color.

09:18Hey!

09:19No more smoking in my house!

09:23God.

09:23Why's Mom so pissed?

09:25She's never been one to handle a hangover.

09:27And I think we sort of had a fight last night.

09:30What'd you do?

09:31It's just a misunderstanding.

09:33Don't worry about it.

09:33I couldn't worry.

09:35I was already maxed out on that emotion.

09:38What does that look like to you?

09:40Boobs.

09:44They're the dorks.

09:51Come on.

09:52Show me your boobs.

09:53I can't do that.

09:55But you want to.

09:56How do I know you're going to keep your hands to yourself?

09:59Where's the fun in that?

10:01Ricky?

10:03Just put your tits behind the glass and be done with it.

10:07Yeah.

10:08Put them on the glass.

10:10Put them on the glass.

10:12Put them on the glass.

10:13Put them on the glass.

10:15Put them on the glass.

10:17Put them on the glass.

10:18Gee, you had officially cut off.

10:20Is something wrong with my boobs?

10:30No.

10:30Well, then why did Ricky walk away?

10:32He's probably trying to hide his boner.

10:34He looked upset.

10:35Boners don't make you upset.

10:37Go talk to him and tell him I'm wasted.

10:39No kidding.

10:40Tell him I'm wasted, wasted.

10:43But keep your eyes above the belt,

10:44because if he's sporting wood,

10:45I want to be the first to see.

10:47I got your back.

10:48Hey.

10:53Hey.

10:56Hey.

11:01Okay.

11:03What's going on out here?

11:05Uh, just watching the show.

11:07Yeah.

11:08What show?

11:11You.

11:14Guess what I am doing.

11:16Wiping your boob smudge off the glass.

11:20And I think I made a PDA'd with Maddie.

11:23Do you see it?

11:24Call me.

11:36Whoa, whoa, whoa.

11:40Party file 101.

11:41Just flip over the cushion.

11:44Or, let's sit on it to cover it up.

11:48But, see, now there's a problem.

11:52You can never leave the couch.

11:53Jake, you are one of the nicest people I've ever known.

12:03How come you're so nice?

12:05You're like a puppy.

12:09I don't think that's a compliment.

12:11It is.

12:12Because...

12:13I love puppies.

12:18Everyone loves puppies.

12:19T, I'm wigging out.

12:27I just had partial recall.

12:28I'm not sure I got down with Maddie because I think it might have been Jake.

12:31Please confirm or deny.

12:33I'm losing it.

12:35What's your deal?

12:37I'm getting frostbite from your cold shoulder.

12:39You've really crossed a line.

12:42I cannot believe that you gave my daughter drugs.

12:45Relax.

12:47They're prescription.

12:48It's not like I have passed her a crack pipe.

12:50She's 15.

12:51Oh, don't go all martyr on me.

12:53We were doing way worse at her age.

12:55Yeah, and look where that got me.

12:57Ever think that I didn't want my daughter to make my mistakes?

13:01She's fine.

13:03Stop overreacting.

13:04You don't...

13:06Jenna!

13:14Door!

13:16You need to grow up.

13:18And put on some clothes.

13:29Welcome.

13:34Hi.

13:34Bad timing?

13:36Not at all.

13:37I was just about to put my head in the oven.

13:40I just wanted to get this back to you.

13:41Why do you have my dad's shirt?

13:43You loaned it to me.

13:45After you puked on mine.

13:47I what?

13:48You don't remember.

13:50Do you remember what you did before you puked?

13:52Did I give you a kiss?

13:55No.

13:56No, you gave me a lecture.

13:58Good God, I'm sorry.

13:59No, no, don't be.

14:00Look, you were right.

14:02I never should have kissed you after detention.

14:03It was a crappy thing to do, considering I have a girlfriend.

14:07You think you can forget about it?

14:09Forgetting things was not my problem.

14:11Already forgotten.

14:12Good.

14:13Good.

14:14So you're good.

14:15And I'm good, and we're good, and, uh, just friends.

14:18Oh, have you seen a Stanford hat?

14:26Laying around, I guess Maddie forgot it, asked me to pick it up for him.

14:28No, I haven't, but I will keep an eye out for it.

14:33Thanks.

14:35See you.

14:35Weird.

14:36If Maddie wanted his hat back, why wouldn't he call me?

14:42Where did you get that hat?

14:44I found it in the hall.

14:45All right, you're pretty messed up, Hamilton.

14:56I can't want to talk.

14:59Yeah, what's that supposed to mean?

15:01You think you're so great.

15:04I'm Maddie McKibben.

15:05Okay.

15:07I play soccer.

15:08I'm hot.

15:09Everyone loves me.

15:10Come on, that's not cool.

15:14Hey, it's true.

15:16You never want to be seen with me.

15:18Because I'm not cool.

15:21Because you think you're better than me.

15:25No, that's not it.

15:26Why would I be here if I didn't like you?

15:28Because you like to party.

15:33Hey, whatever.

15:34It's...

15:35Can I...

15:41Can I please have my hat back?

15:42You'll have to earn it.

15:45Fine.

15:46Keep it.

15:55In my attempt to remember the night,

15:58I discovered why some things

15:59were convenient to forget.

16:01Huh?

16:11Hello?

16:12Are you alive?

16:15Barely.

16:16Why are you whispering?

16:17I'm supposed to be learning Portuguese,

16:19but I had to call when I saw

16:20those crazy party pics that were posted.

16:22What crazy pics?

16:24Mimi!

16:25I have to go, Grandma.

16:27Yes, I'm studying hard.

16:30Check your page.

16:31I know where you've been.

16:37My head was throbbing.

16:39But it wasn't just from lack of hydration.

16:42It was also from excessive humiliation.

16:46And the question still remained.

16:49Had I attacked Maddie with my tongue?

16:51In more ways than one?

16:55And did I ruin his shoes?

16:57You say this is the end.

16:59You fell over me.

17:01I fell for the line.

17:07No.

17:09Epping.

17:10Way.

17:11So, I guess I'm going to go.

17:20Bye.

17:22Where are you going?

17:23I don't know.

17:24My parents, I guess.

17:26I f***ed up.

17:30Can I tell you a secret?

17:32You're a lesbian.

17:33I already knew that.

17:35No.

17:36What I was going to say is,

17:37my mom's pretty easy.

17:39Just apologize to her and mean it,

17:41then give her a compliment.

17:44You know, little bitch,

17:46you aren't as annoying as you were a year ago.

17:50Thanks.

17:50And I'm sorry I drugged you.

17:54And that I peed in your closet.

17:59Lace.

18:01What?

18:03I am sorry.

18:05I screwed up and it won't happen again.

18:13Mmm.

18:14You gotta put on some weight.

18:17I can feel your bones.

18:19I'm not that skinny.

18:22Yes, you are.

18:24In fact, I think you need to go

18:26take your kid out for a donut.

18:31Love you.

18:36Kid.

18:37Can we make a detour on the way home?

18:40A dozen donuts?

18:43Don't you think it's a bit overkill?

18:45Not given the situation.

18:46Honey, it's gonna be okay.

18:51You get to a point where your friends,

18:52they aren't just your friends anymore.

18:55They're family.

18:57Tamar's family.

18:58And she's...

18:59She's gonna forgive you.

19:09I'm sorry.

19:10T!

19:15T!

19:25T!

19:27Ali drugged me!

19:30I would never willingly make out with Ricky Schwartz.

19:33Ever!

19:33Why?

19:35Because you're too good for him?

19:37Because you're too good for me now that Maddie McKibben likes you?

19:40Jenna, wake up!

19:41He's just using you for sex.

19:44And you know what else?

19:46I'm so glad I wrote you that letter.

19:55You're dead to me, Jenna Hamilton.

19:57And for the first time, I felt dead to me, too.

20:08Next on Awkward.

20:09Little birdie told me you're the birthday girl, but don't eat so much cake that you wanna hurl.

20:14Happy birthday.

20:16Once more with feeling.

20:18Oh, what's happening, hot stuff?

20:22Jenna, over here!

20:23Friends?

20:27We'll see you next time.

20:28Bye.

20:29Bye.

20:30Bye.

20:57Bye.

20:58Bye.

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