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Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May travel across the world to meet different automobile manufacturers and drive cars made by them.
Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May travel across the world to meet different automobile manufacturers and drive cars made by them.
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LifestyleTranscript
01:02Thank you so much.
01:06Thanks, everyone.
01:08Hello.
01:14Thank you so much, everyone.
01:16Thank you and welcome.
01:18Welcome.
01:20And in this show we have literally everything the motoring enthusiast could possibly want.
01:28A shopping centre.
01:30An explosion.
01:32And a man banging a pole.
01:38Excited stuff, isn't it?
01:42That, that is all to come.
01:44But we start with this.
01:46If you're wealthy and you have nothing to do all day long, you're going to develop a drink problem.
01:52It's inevitable and it always happens.
01:54Paul Gascoigne.
01:56Queen Mother.
01:58James May.
02:00But if you're from the United Arab Emirates, you can't do that.
02:06So instead, they buy toys that run on the stuff that made them rich in the first place.
02:12What, gold?
02:13No, James, not gold.
02:14I'm not in the gym.
02:16That's why this week I've taken the grand tour to Dubai.
02:24So let's start out here.
02:30And let's start with this.
02:46This is what's called a sand rail.
02:50A vehicle built specifically to play in places like this.
03:02Admittedly, they were invented in the USA.
03:05But here, in the UAE, things are a bit more hardcore.
03:10In America, they turn these out with three, four hundred horsepower.
03:16Over here, they've dialed that up to fifteen hundred.
03:24And they run them on these incredibly aggressive paddle-style tires.
03:28Which means it can accelerate from 0 to 16 under three seconds.
03:32That supercar speeds on sand.
03:36Holy fuck!
03:42Scrapping hell!
03:45Shut the f***ing wheelies!
03:50Jesus!
03:55That is insane!
04:00I'm in love!
04:06I was keen to see what else the locals are driving.
04:10I headed back into town.
04:16This is called the Ripsaw.
04:19And it's built by a small American firm
04:21who specialize in extreme off-road vehicles.
04:25Their customers are mainly the military
04:27and the people who make the Fast and Furious films.
04:30However, if you have the money,
04:34er, look where we are,
04:36you can have a Ripsaw built just for you
04:38as your own private runabout.
04:40So, let's see what it's like.
04:42Oh, and straight away,
04:44we are in thumbs-up territory.
04:46Gold wing doors!
04:49Safety.
04:52Safety.
05:04It's a tank.
05:05I'm in a tank.
05:06It's matte black.
05:10I'm on the road!
05:11Because each Ripsaw is custom-made,
05:16there is no definitive price list.
05:18But I can tell you,
05:20this one cost its owner around £300,000.
05:25For that, you get what's billed
05:27as a high-end luxury supertank.
05:30And if you're nine, which I am,
05:32it doesn't get much better than that.
05:35On the luxury front,
05:37I've got air-con,
05:38electrically-adjusted leather seats,
05:40stereo.
05:41I mean, it's hardly a Bentley Bentayga in here,
05:43but look at all the controls and switches.
05:45I've got winches,
05:47work lights,
05:48a light bar.
05:50And who doesn't want
05:51a Thunderbird-style steering wheel?
05:58Ooh, roundabout.
06:00Yeah, I'll be honest,
06:12visibility is a bit poor out the sides.
06:14It should get marked down for that.
06:19And it turns out,
06:20visibility isn't the Ripsaw's only drawback
06:23as a city car.
06:25So here I am,
06:26at the shops,
06:27looking for a parking space,
06:29as you do.
06:31And, well,
06:32you can see for yourself.
06:34They haven't thought somebody
06:35might turn up in one of these.
06:38Thankfully,
06:39because the Ripsaw weighs nearly four tons
06:41and is a tank,
06:43it can get round this issue.
06:45there we go.
06:57There we go.
06:59I think,
07:00at the next management meeting,
07:01they'll be having a serious rethink
07:02about the width of their parking spaces.
07:09Morning, shoppers.
07:10To be fair,
07:11this is a very big shopping centre.
07:14It's,
07:15this is easier than walking.
07:16It's miles.
07:17Ooh,
07:18that reminds me.
07:19I need to get cat food.
07:20Unfortunately,
07:21I couldn't find the pet shop.
07:22So,
07:23it was time to leave.
07:24Now,
07:25I'm going to go out the way I came in.
07:26I don't want to make too much mess.
07:27And right now,
07:28you'll be thinking,
07:29well,
07:30how's he going to do a three-point turn
07:31in that thing?
07:32Nah,
07:33this is actually better than that.
07:34For in-town maneuverability,
07:35this is a tremendous feature.
07:36I'm surprised more manufacturers
07:37don't fit it.
07:38Although the Ripsaw is,
07:39in its own unique way,
07:40a good town run about,
07:41it's definitely a good life.
07:42You're probably going to do a pet shop.
07:43So,
07:44you're going to go out the way I came in.
07:45you're going to make too much mess.
07:46I'm going to go out the way I came in.
07:47I don't want to make too much mess.
07:49And right now,
07:50you'll be thinking,
07:51well,
07:52how's he going to do a three-point turn
07:53in that thing?
07:54Nah,
07:55this is actually better than that.
07:56For in-town maneuverability,
07:57this is a tremendous feature.
07:59I'm surprised more manufacturers don't fit it.
08:02town runabout, it's definitely at its happiest... out here.
08:24With a huge 6.6-litre diesel V8, the standard Ripsaw is acknowledged as the
08:31fastest tracked vehicle ever built. But this particular Ripsaw is not the standard model.
08:40In a normal state of tune, it's 400 brake horsepower. This one's been taken up to 700.
08:48And 975 pounds-feet of torque.
08:53Nearly four tonnes of off-road tank, travelling at 60 miles an hour perfectly happily.
09:01It is mighty!
09:04An equally surprising sensation is the ride.
09:08I thought because it's tracked, it'll just be solid and incredibly brutal.
09:15But it has suspension. More suspension travel than a Range Rover, so it's supple.
09:20Suddenly it's more gazelle than rhino.
09:26This thing rocks!
09:29And when it comes to bashing the dunes, the Ripsaw is in a league of its own.
09:34A Land Rover Discovery could climb a gradient of about 45%. This thing, 75.
09:45That's damn near vertical.
09:46This is the moment when, in desert driving, oh no, watch beyond, watch beyond!
10:03But I'm not worried, because I'll be fine.
10:08I've driven in deserts a lot. Never in something that just feels this capable.
10:26I mean, camels are good in the desert, yeah, but this is better.
10:32This is better.
10:46What a device.
10:48I love this thing.
10:49I love this thing.
10:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:01I really, really want one.
11:02I do.
11:04I don't know.
11:05I'm not bothered about that 1,400 horsepower thing, but that.
11:09I must ask, though, can you drive a tracked vehicle on the road in the UK?
11:14Well, the army can.
11:15Apart from the army.
11:16You're not allowed to drive a tracked vehicle that's going to damage the road,
11:19but the Ripsaw's OK because the tracks are rubber.
11:21Yeah, and of course, because they're rubber, if you're a complete nincompoop
11:24and you crash into somebody's treasured BMW, it does less damage.
11:28Did you see that?
11:29Did you know you'd even done that?
11:31No.
11:33It's a tank.
11:34Which is why I love it.
11:35And now it is time for us to pop into the post office of chat
11:39on Conversation Street.
11:41MUSIC PLAYS
11:46Now...
11:48APPLAUSE
11:50As this is the start of a new year, we thought we'd have a look at some of the cars
11:54we are looking forward to coming along in 2018.
11:57It's actually quite a car-y conversation street.
11:59And I want to start with the Bentley Continental GT,
12:01because that's been around for, what, 15 years now?
12:03Yeah, it is.
12:0415 years.
12:05Anyway, they've restyled it, given it an all-new look.
12:08Here it is.
12:09Well, that is radical, isn't it?
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Yes.
12:13What would have changed?
12:14What?
12:15Well, it's a good question.
12:16Anyway, on the inside, they say it has driver-orientated instruments.
12:20Well, as opposed to what?
12:22Yeah, no idea.
12:23They say the central command screen is retina quality.
12:27I hope it's not my retina quality.
12:29LAUGHTER
12:30It would be slightly blurry and a bit bloodshot round the edges.
12:33But actually, if you defocus my camera, you can see what it would look like.
12:36LAUGHTER
12:38Actually, that's better.
12:40Yeah.
12:41To be honest, I wish I had your retina sitting here looking at you.
12:43I do.
12:44It's better.
12:45I do.
12:46So, anyway, in short, this car, right, it looks the same as it did before.
12:49It has a speedometer you can see and a sat-nav screen that's in focus,
12:53all for £150,000.
12:55No, but actually, no, to be fair, for a W12 twin-turbo car like that,
12:59£150,000 these days isn't bad.
13:01That's not bad at all.
13:02And I bet that's a bloody good car.
13:04I think it probably will.
13:05I bet you it is.
13:06I bet that's going to be bloody good as well.
13:07The only thing I don't like about Bentley, I wish they'd stop going on
13:09about all that Bentley boys at Mulsanne and Men in Aprons making things.
13:14I've got a bit from their, um, from their blurb here.
13:17With your blurry eyes.
13:18There he goes.
13:19Retina quality reading coming up.
13:20It's really not working, is it?
13:21Oh, it's so depressing.
13:22It says designed, engineered and handcrafted in Britain,
13:26but the truth is that's a Porsche Panamera underneath
13:29and it has a VW engine and a Porsche gearbox, in fact.
13:32No, that's true, but the chief executive of Bentley
13:35is called Bunter Potherington Smythe.
13:38Is it?
13:39No, he's called Wolfgang Der Heimer.
13:40Is he?
13:41Yeah, it's a bit of a giveaway.
13:42But that's exactly the sort of thing they should celebrate, you see.
13:44They should say, Bentley, don't worry, it's reassuringly German.
13:48Precisely.
13:49That's what you want to hear, actually.
13:50Yeah, exactly.
13:51There's a chance it might work.
13:52Anyway, have you seen this?
13:54This is the AMG Project One developed by Lewis Hamilton,
13:59so presumably it will have pierced door mirrors.
14:02Yeah.
14:03And tattoo bodywork.
14:05Yeah.
14:06And when it gets to where it's going, the sat-nav says,
14:09hashtag blessed.
14:10It's going to cost two million pounds.
14:14Doesn't say whether that includes tax.
14:16LAUGHTER
14:19APPLAUSE
14:21Thank you, Dave.
14:24Cruel but fair!
14:25APPLAUSE
14:27A car I'm looking forward to driving this year is this.
14:30That is the new BMW 8 Series.
14:32And if it actually looks like that,
14:34that admittedly is the styling thing that they show the public,
14:36but if it looks like that, I think it will be fantastic.
14:39And I've heard that it will be available with a 6.6-litre V12.
14:43Mm, that's a waste of time.
14:45What?
14:46Well, V12...
14:47V12s actually don't make much sense, if you think about it.
14:49Well...
14:50That's a bit of a sweeping statement.
14:51No, because...
14:52No, seriously, because you get all the complexity
14:54and all the thirst, and where's the upside?
14:56Well, for a given capacity, you get a greater number of smaller pistons
14:58which have a lower reciprocation rate,
15:00which means you can have a higher red light on the engine.
15:02LAUGHTER
15:03There's a point.
15:04Yeah, the thing is, though, the power, the extra power you talk about
15:08as a result of whatever it was you just said,
15:10is offset by the weight, and they sound dreary,
15:13and all V12s depreciate like pianos falling off tower blocks.
15:17No, they do.
15:18A friend of mine, OK, he had a Ferrari GTC 4 Luso, the V12 one,
15:22kept it four months, and sold it after four months,
15:25and lost £55,000.
15:28Ouch!
15:29In four months.
15:30Four... Yes, I mean, if he'd have had the V8,
15:32it wouldn't have depreciated that much.
15:34Well, mainly because he wouldn't have wanted to sell it in the first place.
15:37Do you know, that is really good buyer's advice for every man, isn't it?
15:41We all now know...
15:42This from a man who's just reviewed a £300,000 tank!
15:46Has anyone got an expensive car?
15:48Yes.
15:49What?
15:50Range Rover.
15:51That's not expensive.
15:54The Range Rover, we use those as vans.
15:56Yeah.
15:57What's the most...
15:58A what?
15:59SBR.
16:00Oh, an SBR is quite expensive.
16:02Is that with the V8 in it?
16:03Yes.
16:04Do you not feel an idiot when you overtake?
16:05No, it's got a 1.3.
16:06Well, you just...
16:07With that supercharged V8, you feel like such an idiot when you overtake
16:10because of the noise it makes.
16:11It's genuinely embarrassing.
16:13I'll admit, OK, let's not talk about supercars anymore.
16:16Try and think of something that isn't about Lamborghinis.
16:19Well...
16:20It is...
16:21It's about...
16:22The car I most like the look of is this.
16:25It's the Lamborghini concept.
16:27Why'd you make me do it?
16:30It's called the Terzo Millenio.
16:32I don't know if that's how you pronounce that.
16:34Terzo Millenio.
16:35But think about that car.
16:36Interesting.
16:37It has supercapacitors instead of batteries, which are apparently better.
16:40And a motor in each wheel, you can see them and they glow when it's running,
16:44which is cool.
16:45But best of all, they say it has self-healing bodywork.
16:49It's got nanotubes in it, which can detect damage and then repair it.
16:54How does that work?
16:56I don't know.
16:57And they...
16:58No, they said they've been thinking outside the box to do it.
17:02I think they've been thinking inside the pub, haven't they?
17:05With it self-healing.
17:06But if you went...
17:07When that isn't a drawing anymore, and it's a real car,
17:09and you went on a motor show stand and ran a key down the side of it,
17:12I bet they wouldn't say,
17:13Well, that's good, now we can watch it mend itself.
17:15No, they might charge after you, bellowing,
17:17I hope you've got nanotubes, chum, you're going to get a kick in.
17:20Things I'm excited about, it's actually out about now.
17:23What?
17:24Look at that!
17:25What?
17:26Yeah.
17:27Why?
17:28Because the whole world wants one.
17:29Je suis un rouge nec.
17:31Je suis un nerd kicker.
17:35I'm sorry to say, that won't work,
17:36because the Americans don't want a Renault
17:38and the French don't want a pick-up truck.
17:40No.
17:41ISIS like a pick-up truck, don't they?
17:43ISIS...
17:45I'm just looking for a market!
17:46That's a good idea!
17:47This is business!
17:48That's what you do!
17:49No!
17:50If Renault shipped them all out to Syria...
17:52These crappy old Toyotas, it was a shiny new...
17:54Renault won't start!
17:56Solve ISIS in a heartbeat!
17:58Global peace!
17:59The drone's coming!
18:01And that will blow to business!
18:02Thank you, Renault!
18:03Well done, save the world!
18:04Renault has saved the world!
18:06Who knew?
18:07I'll tell you what I thought you'd like most of all for this year,
18:10is this.
18:11I do like the look of that.
18:12That is the new...
18:13It's the Dodge Challenger Demon.
18:14It's basically an even more powerful version of the Hellcat.
18:17I drove in the last series, 840 horsepower.
18:20And if you look, it's got those little wheels at the front,
18:22because it's set up there for drag racing.
18:24But it looks like a T-Rex!
18:25What?
18:26It's ridiculous!
18:27It's like that!
18:28It's just stupid!
18:29That's why T-Rex's died out, they couldn't reach anything!
18:32Well, they were good at drag racing though, weren't they?
18:35But they couldn't even pleasure themselves!
18:37Sorry?
18:38Well, how would a T-Rex pleasure themselves?
18:41How's your mind even gone there?
18:43I'm telling you, that's why...
18:44Is that why they were always in such a bad mood?
18:46Yes!
18:47And that is the end of Conversation Street!
18:50Thank you very much!
18:53APPLAUSE
18:55Excellent!
18:57Excellent!
18:58Now, moving on, I would like to talk a little about hot hatchbacks,
19:03because I think they might be getting a bit silly.
19:06The AMG Mercedes A-Class develops 375 horsepower.
19:11The Focus RS has 345 horsepower.
19:15Why do you need that much power in a hatchback?
19:18Well, James...
19:19Well, nothing!
19:20Because I think it's time we all just calm down a bit.
19:24This is the Golf GTI, and it's a perfect illustration of what I'm on about.
19:41Yes, it is quick, and it should be quick.
19:44It's got more power than a 1980s Ferrari.
19:47But then again, it needs a lot of power, because it's so big and so heavy.
19:53The hot hatch wasn't always like this.
19:56To show you what I mean, here's the original Golf GTI from 42 years ago.
20:02And it's a very different animal indeed.
20:06Now, that car wasn't about massive rear legroom or a big bulky body
20:11or a huge duvet of sound deadening or all this equipment or any of that stuff.
20:15It was just about having a bit of a laugh,
20:18darting around in a biscuit-tin body of a car.
20:23Sadly, they don't make them like that anymore.
20:26Well, except when they do.
20:31This is the Volkswagen Up.
20:33The smallest car VW sells.
20:36And now they've made a GTI version.
20:39A car that's been created to resurrect the spirit of that original Mark I Golf.
20:45In fact, the similarities are uncanny.
20:54Let's start with horsepower.
20:56The original had just 108.
20:59And the Up GTI has a similarly modest 113.
21:04Giving both cars a 0-60 time of around nine seconds.
21:10It's also a little bit 80s retro in here.
21:13For a start, you've started by turning a key.
21:16There's no button to press for people who want to pretend to be fighter pilots.
21:19You change gear using a stick and an old-fashioned clutch pedal.
21:23I haven't actually looked in the boot yet, but I expect there's a minor strike in there
21:26or the speeches of Margaret Thatcher.
21:34However, one of the reasons the Mark I GTI was so much fun to drive
21:39was because it was so light.
21:41But the Up, being a modern car, weighs a portly 200 kilograms more.
21:50So, with all that extra weight to lug around,
21:52is the new boy actually any fun on the move?
22:02Well, its modernity does pay under the bonnet.
22:06This has just a one-litre engine with only three cylinders,
22:10but it does have a turbocharger for a bit of extra oomph,
22:14and it makes a fantastic growly noise.
22:16Listen to this.
22:20You don't get that in a modern Golf GTI.
22:22It's all smooth and asinine.
22:27Now, that noise, there it is there.
22:30It's a bit of a cheat, to be honest,
22:31because there's something called a sound actuator under the bonnet,
22:35and it artificially pumps that growl into the cabin.
22:38But so what?
22:41It's very satisfying.
22:43So, the engine's a bit of a hoot.
22:46And, despite the extra weight,
22:48the Ups pretty nimble through corners, too.
22:50There you see, small, chuckable, enjoyable.
23:07It is proper fun.
23:08It feels like I'm doing hundreds of miles an hour.
23:16You know what this is like?
23:17It's a bit like an 80s action movie,
23:19where the same thing blows up ten times.
23:22And it's that compared with, say, a CGI blockbuster full of amazing effects.
23:33One is a simple laugh.
23:35The other is a bit too bloated and, frankly, up its own arse.
23:39But even though the up harks back to simpler times,
23:44it still comes with climate control, heated seats, Bluetooth, a reversing camera,
23:51and, for when your 17-year-old borrows it, traction control that you can't turn off.
23:57So, it's quicker than it sounds, it scampers around like a spaniel,
24:05and it's got just enough kick to make it comfortable.
24:08But no more than that.
24:11And it gives you all this for about £14,000.
24:15Or, to put it another way,
24:17it's half the price of a new Golf GTI,
24:20and, I honestly believe, twice the fun.
24:23I might actually want one.
24:32Nice little car.
24:33Nice little car.
24:35So...
24:40So, that is interesting.
24:42What you're saying is the up GTI is half the price of a modern Golf GTI,
24:47and more fun.
24:48Yeah, and cheaper to run.
24:49And, actually, to be honest, it's more characterful.
24:51Yeah.
24:52So, really, the conclusion is that, to own a Golf GTI,
24:55you'd have to be a moron.
24:58To be honest, you'd have to be demented.
25:00Yeah.
25:01Shall we see how fast the up goes around the Ebola drone?
25:04Oh, wait!
25:05You own a Golf GTI, don't you?
25:07Yes, I do.
25:08I knew somebody had one.
25:10It's when you said a moron, that's when it all clicked on the phone.
25:12She isn't.
25:13Anyway, the lap.
25:16Right, let's see what you got.
25:19And she's off.
25:21A murky day out there, and I'm sure she'd rather be in a Golf.
25:26On to the Izzard Strait.
25:27That's from standing water out there, but she's showing no fear at all.
25:31Smooth line through there, now trundling down towards your name here.
25:36A Golf, of course, would have arrived hours ago.
25:40She still isn't there! Come on!
25:43The little up exclamation mark GTI dawgling through there.
25:48Golf GTI has a clever diff, of course.
25:50This doesn't.
25:52And now back onto the Izzard.
25:54Perfect line along there.
25:56And down the gears now for old lady's house.
25:58Well, not yet, but in a minute she will be.
26:00Hang on.
26:01Any minute now.
26:02There she is down through the gears.
26:05Will it understeer through here?
26:07No.
26:08Because, of course, you can't turn off the traction control,
26:10whereas you can in a Golf GTI,
26:12because it's a car for brave and brilliant people.
26:15Right, down the bumpy back straight to Substation.
26:18It really is awful weather out there.
26:20If she was in a Golf, it'd be sunny.
26:23Right, just the last corner to crawl round.
26:26There it is.
26:27And across the line.
26:34Right, let's find out where it goes on the board, shall we?
26:37Let's have a look.
26:41Literally the slowest car in the world.
26:44Yeah, but it was chucking it down. Come on.
26:46So, you're saying if it had been dry,
26:48it would have challenged the Aston Martin Vulcan, no?
26:50Yes, it would.
26:51Anyway, we must now move it on,
26:53because it is time to play Celebrity Face Off.
26:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:09And once again, we are asking an important question,
27:12and it's this.
27:14Who is the fastest person in the world
27:16who has a failed former career in a band?
27:19Well, to help us find out, please welcome Dominic Cooper
27:22and Bill Bailey!
27:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:27For that.
27:29Twins!
27:31You're literally twins.
27:32Hello.
27:33Welcome.
27:34Nice to meet you.
27:36Welcome, gentlemen.
27:38Welcome, welcome.
27:39I have to tell you, I had a great one last night, Dominic.
27:40I actually met you in a restaurant just last night.
27:41No.
27:42No.
27:43Exactly.
27:44That was the problem.
27:45I was with a couple of theatrical and film people.
27:46They said, I was seeing you coming on the show,
27:47and they went, it was sitting on the next table.
27:48So I went over and actually said to this person,
27:50I hear you coming on the show.
27:51And he went, oh, are you talking about?
27:53Clearly quite a little bit.
27:54You went over to someone that wasn't me last night,
27:55thinking it was me,
27:56but you were persuaded by the people you were with
27:57that it was me.
27:58Yes, but it was incredible.
27:59Who was it?
28:00I don't know who he was.
28:01He was a complete stranger.
28:02Jenny Clarkson.
28:03Perhaps it was Danny Dyer.
28:04No.
28:05No, no, no, no, no.
28:06That is not fair.
28:07So anyway, I made a bit of a fool of myself.
28:08Anyway, right.
28:09Well, thank goodness you haven't done that before.
28:10Yeah.
28:11No.
28:12No, no, no, no, no.
28:13That is not fair.
28:14So anyway, I made a bit of a fool of myself.
28:15Anyway, right.
28:16Well, thank goodness you haven't done that before.
28:17It's a new experience.
28:18It's a new experience.
28:19It's a new experience.
28:20How are you laughing at this point?
28:21Oh, dear.
28:22Anyway, the link, of course, between you two is that you both had failed careers in bands
28:35early on.
28:36I wouldn't say fail.
28:37I don't, I don't, fail, really?
28:39Well, interesting.
28:40What, what success in terms of a band?
28:42Yeah.
28:43Well, okay, I think, were you not ones that have band outnumbered the audience?
28:46Every time we played.
28:47That's a failure.
28:48Is it?
28:49It is.
28:50I call that a failure.
28:51Well, it was one particular gig in Greenwich where, yeah, there was one audience member.
28:56What?
28:57Five fan members, one audience member.
28:58Oh, that's tricky.
28:59You, you, before you start with the, you did, what was your band called?
29:04Well, the band was called The Famous Five, and there was actually four people in it.
29:09And nobody had heard of us, so it still didn't make any sense.
29:14We did have a photo shoot, and the drummer was quite a vain man.
29:19And he decided what a great idea it would be to, if we all painted our little fingers
29:24with black nail varnish, because that looked cool.
29:27Yeah.
29:28Right?
29:29And then we saw the photo shoot and it looks like we've all trapped our hand in a door.
29:32And it just looks very stupid.
29:34Now, I've got a question actually from Richard Hammond, because I was in a band.
29:37We were talking about this the other day.
29:38Yeah.
29:39James May was in a band.
29:40He was in a band.
29:41Now, he still does actually wear socks down the front of his underpants to do the show.
29:43Whoa, what?
29:44He was wondering, did you ever put anything down the front of your town?
29:47I did not ask that.
29:49You did, you did, you said.
29:50Can you make, ask them what they put down?
29:52I guess you've written that down yourself.
29:54Well, I may have made it up a bit, but you never went down that route.
29:57Yeah.
29:58No, no, no, never.
29:59Yeah.
30:00Did you?
30:01Well, very recently, because I had to wear a lot of spandex in the thing I'm filming
30:04at the moment, all in one spandex, sort of...
30:07This is Mamma Mia.
30:0870s ABBA suit.
30:09Yeah.
30:10So, we were all discussing, it was quite a logistical and quite problematic thing.
30:13It makes you look like you have absolutely very little going on in that department.
30:17So, we had to decide whether and what we would use to...
30:20Right.
30:21Do you know what I mean?
30:22What did you put down the front of your trousers?
30:24This is what Hammond was asking.
30:25I wasn't asking.
30:26Just to be clear.
30:28I tried two make-up sponges at first.
30:31Two make-ups?
30:32Yeah.
30:33Anyway, listen, can I get on to...
30:35We've got to get on to cars.
30:36You're united, I think, by a love of French cars.
30:38Yes.
30:39Because you have a Citroën DS, I understand.
30:41I do, yes.
30:42Beautiful, yeah.
30:43Which is beautiful.
30:44Stunning car.
30:45It's one of the...
30:46It's the most beautiful car I've ever made.
30:47I agree.
30:48And it's a piece of work.
30:49And why did you buy such a thing?
30:50Why?
30:51Well, because of the Icelandic volcano with the unpronounceable name.
30:55I...
30:56When it erupted and there was a big ash cloud, we were trapped.
31:00We were in southern Spain.
31:02Couldn't get home.
31:03All the flights were cancelled.
31:04The ferries were full.
31:06We thought we'd get the train back through France.
31:08But, of course, perfectly, the French decided to have a rail strike during the time of the greatest travel upheaval in recent memory.
31:17No, I don't care.
31:18I don't care about yours.
31:19But there's no flights.
31:20No.
31:21So, we...
31:22I just...
31:23I'm just checking my...
31:24Blood pressure.
31:25And so...
31:26So, what happened was, we thought, let's just buy a car and drive home in it.
31:32And then I thought, well, let's not just buy any car, let's buy the car I've always wanted to own.
31:41So, we found a little garage just outside Marseille.
31:44And it was just...
31:45It was wrecks of every kind of French car you could imagine.
31:47But amongst them was this old black DS.
31:50And it was a bit of a wreck, but it went...
31:53And it got you home?
31:54It got us home.
31:55And then, over the last few years, I've refurbed it into its former glory.
31:59And you still drive it around today?
32:00I still drive it around today.
32:02Now, you started on this Citroen thing.
32:04Did you learn to drive in a 2CV?
32:06Yes, I did, in a field.
32:08Because the thing about the 2CV is, if you learn in one of those, and I've often wondered that,
32:12when you get into an actual proper car,
32:14you think, well, I literally don't know what anything does,
32:17because the gear leave is all in a different place and everything feels different.
32:19Yeah, the gear's all backwards, isn't it?
32:21And it didn't help that, I think, my stepdad at the time put the engine in backwards
32:24so it had four reverse gears and one forward.
32:26That's what he did at that particular point.
32:28But they're so simple.
32:29And the fount, they had those fountains, you just had a fountains,
32:32you just opened just a hole into the...
32:34I love the fact, I love the basic nature of it.
32:36Yeah, yeah.
32:37You could open it with just a screwdriver, a coin.
32:40I had a Citroen Diane, which, if you can believe it,
32:43the more basic version of the 2CV, and I left it parked up somewhere
32:48and I forgot my key and I thought, nah, don't worry about that,
32:50I can break in.
32:51So I broke into my own car and I got into the back seat
32:54and there was a child seat there.
32:56I don't have a child.
32:57Oh, no.
32:58Oh, dear.
33:00And, er, but it's very easy for you to put back together again, you know.
33:05For when the real owner comes back.
33:07Yes.
33:08Because, now, your first car, not French, was that...
33:10No.
33:11It was a Healey?
33:12Austin Healey Sprite, yeah.
33:13Oh, a Sprite, right.
33:14Not a big Healey.
33:153,000, no, no.
33:16It's a tiny little thing.
33:17I don't know how I dare drive it.
33:18Actually, it was my brother's and I needed to get to Stratford to do a play
33:22and I don't know why or how I had the nerve.
33:24I wasn't insured.
33:25The car had a...
33:26I think it had a hole about that high above the petrol tank
33:28so you could put 55p's worth of petrol in it, which would get you there.
33:31It's like an Uber driver.
33:32With no wipers.
33:33It's like an Uber driver.
33:34Wipers on strings.
33:35Perfect.
33:36And, erm, one headlight.
33:37What are you running now?
33:39The Healey.
33:40The Healey around London and an RS, an Audi RS7.
33:43Hang on, so you still have the Healey?
33:45Yeah, I got another one from eBay.
33:47It works quite well.
33:48Really?
33:49Yeah.
33:50It's the only thing that's ever turned up or that I bought on eBay.
33:53Yeah, and it's quite good.
33:55Because it's interesting, you both drive old cars and why would you?
33:58Because you are quite a speedy driver, if we're honest.
34:01Well, I like the speed.
34:02I like to go fast.
34:03How many points did you get on your licence at one point?
34:06Er, well, all of them.
34:08I had 12 points and then I went over the 12 points
34:12and I had to go on a speed awareness course.
34:14And I've done that three times now.
34:16So I'm quite used to that.
34:19So you do get pulled a lot?
34:20Yes.
34:21I was driving down to Devon and I forgot to put my seatbelt.
34:25My bad.
34:26Terrible thing to do.
34:27I'd just pulled out the service station.
34:28I hadn't had it on.
34:29I was just in the process of putting it on.
34:31And anyway, so I got pulled over and the copper, he said to me,
34:36right, he goes, now, he said it was from up north.
34:38He goes, very dangerous what you did there.
34:40I went, oh, yeah.
34:41He said, you know the band Def Leppard?
34:43And I said, yeah, I know the band Def Leppard.
34:45He goes, yeah.
34:46He goes, you know, the drummer, you know, lost his arm.
34:48He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
34:49He was thrown from the vehicle, lost his arm.
34:52And he went, oh, right.
34:53And he goes, his girlfriend, she was wearing a seatbelt.
34:56Killed instantly.
34:57Right?
34:58What was his point?
34:59I don't know.
35:00I know.
35:01And he didn't back up his story at all, did it?
35:05Right, so anyway, you came here, you did all this, and was it fun?
35:11It was great fun.
35:12I just loved it.
35:13Loved every second of it, yeah.
35:14I'm trying to work out whose lap should we see first.
35:16We'll go...
35:17You're nearest.
35:18All right.
35:19Shall we have a look at Bill's lap?
35:20Yeah!
35:21I'm very worried about this.
35:22Come on, then, let's see it.
35:23And away we go.
35:24It's looking good today, the Jack.
35:25It is.
35:26Ha-ha!
35:27Lovely lady of acceleration.
35:28A few helmet issues there, if I may be so bold.
35:30Yes.
35:31A few helmet issues there, if I may be so bold.
35:33Yes.
35:34And away we go.
35:35It's looking good today, the Jack.
35:36It is.
35:37Ha-ha!
35:38Lovely lady of acceleration.
35:39A few of the helmet issues there, if I may be so bold.
35:41Yes, I know.
35:42It looks like I've been punched.
35:43Yeah, fat kid stuck in a lift.
35:44Yeah.
35:45Ha-ha!
35:46That's a bit steady through there, but I agree with that, because otherwise it's a bit
35:50tricky when you get onto the gravel.
35:51Yes.
35:52Holding it nicely together.
35:53Holding it nicely together.
35:54Into difficult bit one.
35:55Tricky bit there.
35:56You're so good at this.
35:57Oh, horrible gravel, horrible gravel, horrible gravel.
36:01Into the gravel cell, holding it nicely through.
36:05That's very well done.
36:06Oh, well, it's not too bad.
36:08No, right.
36:09Now, into difficult bit too.
36:10This is tricky.
36:11This is tricky.
36:12Oh, you're in the thick gravel out there.
36:13I was in the horrible, nasty, thick stuff there.
36:15Slow you down.
36:16Now, coming back on the track, very slippery here.
36:17It's very slippery.
36:18Suddenly the...
36:19Suddenly you just...
36:20There's a bit of fishtailing because...
36:21That's all right.
36:22You're back on the tarmac.
36:24Right, now, we're into the very fast bit now.
36:27Very exciting.
36:28There's a man who likes a bit of speed.
36:34And, ooh, there's a couple of lines chosen for there.
36:37And another one there.
36:39Coming up to the final corner.
36:41A little bit of understeer, but not like Casey the Bear Man had the other day.
36:44And there we are across the line, everybody.
36:46Well done.
36:47Wow.
36:48Well done.
36:49That's furious.
36:50That's furious.
36:51Looked good.
36:52That did look good.
36:53Now, Dominic.
36:54Yes.
36:55You had a bit of a problem.
36:56What's that?
36:57Well, with one of your practice laps.
36:58Would anybody like to see you?
36:59Yes.
37:00Why, which bit?
37:01This bit.
37:02Here he comes.
37:03And onto the slippery bit.
37:04All obsidating.
37:05Yes, yes, yes, yes.
37:07What?
37:08What?
37:09This bit.
37:10This bit.
37:11Here he comes.
37:12And onto the slippery bit.
37:13All obsidating.
37:14Oh, man.
37:15This is what I love.
37:16Keeping it going.
37:17Yes.
37:18Yes.
37:19That was very good.
37:20Yeah.
37:21It was a bad moment.
37:22That was a bad moment.
37:23Eventually, you've got a lap put together.
37:24Would you like to see it?
37:25Yes.
37:26It's not going to be as good.
37:27It seems to take a while getting off the line.
37:28Now, I'm going to have to break quite hard into this corner.
37:31Ah!
37:32Okay, now you've got to...
37:33Hang on, let's listen.
37:34Oh, feathering the throttle through there.
37:35That's nicely done.
37:36Holding it as we head toward the gravel.
37:38Yeah, you can see it's starting to fishtail.
37:39That is slightly bowel loosening when it does that.
37:40Yep.
37:41Very wide through there.
37:42Oh, no.
37:43It looks like it's manure.
37:44Come on, Carl.
37:45Flaming the car.
37:46It is the cars respond when you shout at them.
37:47It's what people don't understand but they do.
37:49They're such good.
37:50Oh, no.
37:51Well, I'm not going to shed my cosas down, no.
37:52It's hard to stand my cosas down.
37:53Yeah, it's hard to get out.
37:54I mean, it's hard to get out of my life.
37:55But I don't get out of my life.
37:56I don't think I'm going to be here for you.
37:57I think it's hard to get out.
37:58Yeah.
37:59I don't do this.
38:00Yes.
38:01OK, now you've got to...
38:02Hang on, let's listen.
38:03Ooh, feathering the throttle through there.
38:04That's nicely done.
38:05Holding it as we head toward the gravel.
38:07Yeah, you can see it's starting to fishtail.
38:08Flaming the car.
38:09It is. The cars respond when you shout at them.
38:12It's what people don't understand, but they do.
38:14It's such good fun, that gravel bit.
38:16That's tidy through there.
38:18Right, difficult bit two. Tidy.
38:20Sometimes tidy is fast.
38:21Sometimes it isn't, I admit, but it could be.
38:25More fishtailing there. You've got to try and get it right for this.
38:28Can you do it properly this time? Yes! Look at that.
38:31Now, this is the corner. Nicely done. It's greasy.
38:33Is it very slippery? It's hard.
38:34It's hard coming out of the gravel onto the tarmac.
38:36Be confident! Keep going! Keep going!
38:39It is exciting, because it's supposed to...
38:41So, I'm going to stop.
38:42It's just... Ooh, another... Ooh, there's another one.
38:44Ooh, shall I turn it? Ooh, maybe not.
38:45There we go. Coming up now to the last corner.
38:48You can lose so much time here, but I don't think you are doing there.
38:52And there we are. Across the line, everyone.
38:54APPLAUSE
38:55Well done. Thank you.
38:57That is such fun.
38:58Oh, nice.
39:02I've got the times here.
39:03Mm-mm-mm-mm.
39:06Bill Bailey. Yes.
39:07It's a 125-1, is what it is.
39:09All right, then.
39:10Now, it's a good time.
39:11It's a greasy track out there.
39:13It was wet. It was wet.
39:15No question, that's a greasy track out there,
39:17and that's pretty good.
39:18At times we've been having, that's ballpark,
39:21and they've been in the dry, so you could be proud of them.
39:23Oof.
39:24Dominic Cooper.
39:25One.
39:26One.
39:27Pfft.
39:28Twenty.
39:29Mm-mm.
39:30Three.
39:30Ooh!
39:31Point six.
39:32Well done.
39:33APPLAUSE
39:34I thought I failed.
39:36LAUGHTER
39:37So, there we are, ladies and gentlemen.
39:40Let's get this right, shall we?
39:41It's Bill Bailey, and the fastest person with a beard
39:45who went on into either stand-up or acting
39:48with a failed early career in a band,
39:50Dominic Cooper!
39:51Dominic Cooper.
39:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:53Thank you, gentlemen.
39:54APPLAUSE
39:55Very good.
39:56Now, if you go on the internet,
39:59there's lots of films on there
40:01with people skidding around in cars.
40:03I've got an example here of what I'm on about.
40:33MUSIC PLAYS
40:38Yes, yes.
40:39APPLAUSE
40:41I know what you're thinking.
40:42You're thinking,
40:42oh, that's very impressive.
40:44You're thinking, that's very impressive, but is it?
40:47Well, yes, it is.
40:49That's the thing, I don't think it is.
40:51Anyone could do it.
40:52What? No, they couldn't.
40:53They could, seriously, because every time you make a bit of a mistake,
40:56you cut to a shot of the rev counter, right, or changing gear, yeah,
40:59or, you know, your face is a bit heroic,
41:01and then you get back to the action again.
41:03It's just editing.
41:04Now, I think it's a bit more complicated than that.
41:06No, it isn't, honestly.
41:07And I decided to prove my point
41:09by making a skidding about film of my own, OK?
41:13No, it's really simple, OK?
41:15You just need a pretentious opening with some smoke,
41:17and then lots of shots of me looking heroic, like that.
41:20Why... Why are you doing that?
41:22Well, so I look heroic, I just said, like that.
41:24Well, you don't. I do, and I will.
41:26This'll be good. It is.
41:27I bet it isn't. It is.
41:31It is.
41:58That's all right.
42:28That's all right.
42:58That's all right.
43:28That's all right.
43:58That's all right.
44:28That's all right.
44:58That's all right.
45:00Why did you stop it?
45:01Why did you stop it?
45:02Because...
45:03Because it's rubbish.
45:04It isn't rubbish.
45:05The ladies and gentlemen were enjoying it.
45:06Were you enjoying that?
45:07Exactly.
45:08Why did you stop it?
45:09Because the whole thing is fake.
45:10What was faked in that?
45:11What was faked in that?
45:12All right.
45:13Then take that rev counter shot for a start.
45:14Pull it up.
45:15Let's have a look.
45:16Okay.
45:17So you are doing 6,750...
45:18...and no miles an hour.
45:21Speedometer was broken.
45:23Was it?
45:24Yes, it was.
45:25Hang on.
45:26What about that bit where your feet were dancing around on the pedals?
45:28You know that bit?
45:29Skillful work.
45:30Really?
45:31Yeah, it was.
45:32Would anybody like to see the unedited footage of how he did that?
45:34Yes, we would.
45:35Yes, we would.
45:36Is there a GoPro in here?
45:37Yeah.
45:38So I can get my feet just wiggling around on the pedals.
45:40Will you cut that in?
45:41Yeah.
45:42Good.
45:43Heel and toe.
45:44Heel and toe.
45:49Do you wobble the car a bit as well?
45:50Just do it like it's on the move.
45:51Yeah, rock it.
45:54And then drop these in just every so often.
45:56Yeah.
45:57You could do the gear change as well to paint the windows out.
46:04Do you want to get a rev counter shot, Phil?
46:07We'll just, um, we'll just stick a camera on here.
46:10Like that on there.
46:11Okay.
46:12We can use that one from the footwell.
46:13Yeah.
46:23Totally convincing, that.
46:24You can just, I'm keeping it so that it looks like it's in gear, you know.
46:27Not just revving it, you know.
46:28Yeah, exactly.
46:34Wait.
46:35Wait, wait, wait.
46:37And then, then there was that bit where you were donating around in the bar.
46:40Remember that?
46:41We remember that?
46:42What about it?
46:43Who would like to see the rushes of that one?
46:45Let's see what was on the cutting room floor.
46:48What scenes?
46:49Scene four.
46:50Scene two to seven in car.
46:53So I just look heroic.
46:54Yeah, but you've really got to throw it in and give it a bit of a pop-o, yeah?
46:58Yeah.
46:59I can do that.
47:0120 years of practice.
47:02Farm car to the introduction, take one.
47:15Handbrake!
47:18Had an accident.
47:26Damn.
47:32Oh, shit.
47:42Got it?
47:43Yeah.
47:45That looked pretty good.
47:46Nice one.
47:47It didn't, it didn't look good though, did it?
47:48No, and on that terrible disappointment, it's...
47:49No, no, no, no.
47:50No, no, no, no.
47:51We haven't got time for any more of your nonsense.
47:52Oh, yes, we have.
47:53Because we haven't got to that bit yet where you slid through the gate.
47:54Oh, for God's sake!
47:55Who wants to see what happened?
47:56Nobody wants...
47:57Nobody does!
47:58The truth!
47:59The truth!
48:00The truth!
48:01Speak!
48:02Farm car to the gate, take one.
48:03Let's do this!
48:05Oh, shit!
48:06I may have clipped something there.
48:08Damn, sorry about that Phil.
48:09Well, from now on, we just...
48:12Why can't we shoot everything from the other side?
48:13I can't do that because the car's turning around all the way.
48:14The car's turning around all the way.
48:16No, no!
48:17For the car's turning around all the way.
48:18No!
48:19No!
48:20No, no, no, no.
48:21No!
48:22No!
48:23No!
48:24No!
48:25No!
48:26No!
48:27No!
48:28No!
48:29No!
48:30No!
48:31No!
48:32No!
48:33No!
48:34No!
48:35No!
48:36No!
48:37No!
48:38I can't just film for one side, it's going to look absolutely terrible.
48:40But if you... You can barely see that.
48:43You can, look.
48:44Why don't we just mend the fence and have another go at it?
48:49The gate, take two.
48:52Concentrating, concentrating.
48:54And turn and flick.
48:57Oh, gearing me.
48:59He's done it again.
49:00What? A massive twat.
49:02You just can't do it.
49:03I can. You can't.
49:04Well, I clipped it once. I'm getting better.
49:07It's still not going through, is it?
49:09Could you just rebuild it once more, honestly?
49:13I think I know what the problem is.
49:15My angle's too shallow, so I'm going to come up this side of the bog and swing it round.
49:20Gate, take three.
49:22Action, when you're ready.
49:24Turn, yank, let go of power.
49:27Action, when you're ready.
49:28Right, here we go.
49:34And handbrake. Oh, shit, that's the...
49:36What happened was, you won't believe this,
49:43but I went for the handbrake, but I changed into second by mistake.
49:48Well, he wedged it in there.
49:49Yeah.
49:50Well, at least we don't have to reset the gate post again.
49:53Exactly. There, you see, that's the sort of bright thinking I like.
49:57That's not a good thing, though.
49:59What?
49:59That's worse.
50:00Phil, let's get the other guy in the car.
50:02Can somebody get Mark?
50:08Oh, don't show this.
50:09I should explain, that is three times British Rally Champion Mark Higgins.
50:13If you just drive through there about... I was doing about 85, 90.
50:19Right.
50:20I wasn't quite getting it.
50:21So, if you could just come through there, sideways, power up and power out.
50:27Right.
50:29The thing is, you'll have to move it, actually.
50:31It's me. It's what they're used in Hollywood.
50:32Yeah, but how can I see through them?
50:34Yes, you do.
50:35Just look through the slits.
50:36Put it on. Seriously, it works.
50:37This is what they're used to...
50:38All Hollywood manufacturers use them.
50:40Do you want to look?
50:41And then, look, it's like looking in a mirror.
50:44Look, that is...
50:45Look.
50:45What?
50:46Seriously, can you tell that that's not...
50:48Look at this.
50:52Identical.
50:53Now, put your helmet on.
50:54What, on top of this?
50:55Yeah.
51:04Shall we see what Mark looked like with the helmet on?
51:06Yes.
51:06Shall we?
51:08Oh!
51:09It's...
51:10It's uncanny.
51:11It really is. Look at that.
51:12What it is, is wanton cruelty on your part.
51:15But anyway, listen, I did use Mark for that one scene, I admit.
51:19Yeah, you did.
51:20It's a shame you didn't use him for the sheep herding scene, though, isn't it?
51:23No, don't show that.
51:25No, no, seriously, do not show that.
51:30All right, Senator, try me when you're ready.
51:32So, I've got to get these sheep in that pen in the far corner,
51:37in an exciting and exuberant YouTube-y way.
51:42Here we go.
51:46Speed and power, that's the solution.
51:52Nothing.
51:55Right, just get these stragglers.
51:56I can't believe this.
52:08Listen, you can either round them up really slowly, which is quite boring television,
52:14or you can give it some of that.
52:16And if you give it some of that, which is exciting for the ladies and gentlemen,
52:20you're inevitably going to hit some sheep.
52:22You've done one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven sheep.
52:31And broken the windscreen.
52:33I think the windscreen is the least of our worries, to be honest with you.
52:35Well, not really, not for continuity, because it's hard to cover that up.
52:40This isn't how they do it on a normal film.
52:43How do they do it?
52:44Well, he doesn't crash it every five minutes.
52:45I haven't crashed it.
52:46But you have crashed it.
52:47And you've killed things now.
52:48Well, that was a bit.
52:53Oh, no.
52:57Please.
52:58Don't, don't clap.
53:00He's a murderer.
53:02They would have been jumpers by now, or Sunday lunches.
53:05Not the end of the world.
53:06No, no, all right, but the next bit nearly was, wasn't it?
53:13What the f*** am I supposed to, am I going to film with that?
53:16I might do it.
53:18Phil!
53:21Just make it go the other way up, whenever you've got a moment.
53:31Now I know what it's like to be Richard Hammond.
53:35Thanks, chaps.
53:40Look, we can edit that out.
53:41I can't look at it.
53:42Look at it.
53:43What? Look at what?
53:44The door.
53:44Look.
53:45I can't do any of the drone shots now.
53:47This is all smashed to bits.
53:49You're such a fusspot.
53:51How do you come out of it?
53:53Honestly, it still works well.
53:58You haven't asked about me.
53:58Well, you're fine.
54:00I haven't got your helmet on.
54:04Mate.
54:06They didn't care.
54:07I was risking my life for the ladies and gentlemen, nobody cares.
54:12What?
54:12Right, all right.
54:13Let's move on to the end of your film.
54:16The big finale, which was brilliant.
54:19Yeah, well, it wasn't.
54:20Yes, it was.
54:20No, but this is the bit, ladies and gentlemen,
54:22where Jeremy attempted to jump over a river.
54:25I did jump over a river.
54:27No, you didn't.
54:28I did.
54:28No, you didn't.
54:29As we shall now prove.
54:37Dyke jump.
54:38Take one.
54:40Action, action.
54:42Let's do this.
54:43Sorry.
55:01What a prick.
55:07Really f***ed it now.
55:09Yeah, no, I think that's pretty much had it.
55:11Look at it.
55:11Look at it.
55:14We haven't got an ending.
55:16We're supposed to go over and we haven't got an ending.
55:18It's a big stunt.
55:18I've got a backup car.
55:21We'll use that.
55:24Is that it?
55:25Is that enough now?
55:28Right, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
55:31Let's move on, shall we?
55:32We are still going on about it.
55:34Because I think we would like to see the grand finale of Jeremy's film
55:37and his backup car, yes?
55:39Yes.
55:39Yes, right.
55:41I've got a house.
55:43I think we're going on to be the closest area of Jeremy's film.
55:46Let's move on.
55:47If we are in the next room.
55:48I think we can have a house.
55:48We'll notice.
55:50Oh, God.
55:51We're in the next room.
55:52Let's move on.
55:53We'll let it go.
55:57Here's my time.
55:59Oh, shit.
56:29No, no, I'm sorry.
56:41Hold on.
56:43Your backup car, it was an Audi.
56:46OK, who here, who here noticed that was an Audi?
56:50So that's us, everybody noticed that, because it was obvious.
56:55I tell you what, why don't you explain to everyone how magicians cut
56:59a lady in half in the box.
57:00I don't know how that's done.
57:01Well, exactly, because it's magic.
57:03People don't want to know how it's done,
57:05and nobody wanted to know how I'd made my film,
57:08and you told them, and now you've spoiled everybody's year.
57:10Yeah.
57:11And on that terrible disappointment, it is time to end this time.
57:14Thank you so much for watching. I'm sorry about these two.
57:17See you next time. Goodbye.
57:29I'm sorry about these two.
57:30I'm sorry about these two.
57:31I'm sorry about these two.
57:32I'm sorry about these two.
57:33I'm sorry about these two.
57:34I'm sorry about these two.
57:35I'm sorry about these two.
57:36I'm sorry about these two.
57:37I'm sorry about these two.
57:38I'm sorry about these two.
57:39I'm sorry about these two.
57:40I'm sorry about these two.
57:41I'm sorry about these two.
57:42I'm sorry about these two.
57:43I'm sorry about these two.
57:44I'm sorry about these two.
57:45I'm sorry about these two.
57:46I'm sorry about these two.
57:47I'm sorry about these two.
57:48I'm sorry about these two.
57:49I'm sorry about these two.
57:50I'm sorry about these two.
57:51I'm sorry about these two.
57:52I'm sorry about these two.
57:53Transcription by CastingWords