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Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May travel across the world to meet different automobile manufacturers and drive cars made by them.
Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May travel across the world to meet different automobile manufacturers and drive cars made by them.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:01:03Thank you, everybody.
00:01:06Thank you, everybody.
00:01:08Wow.
00:01:09Look.
00:01:10We've got a rowdy bunches.
00:01:11We are.
00:01:12We are.
00:01:13Thank you so much.
00:01:14Thank you, everybody.
00:01:15Thank you, and welcome.
00:01:16Thank you, everybody.
00:01:17Thank you, and welcome.
00:01:20And in this edition of our car show...
00:01:25Richard steals some sun cream.
00:01:28I drink some wine.
00:01:35And James says 40.
00:01:3840.
00:01:39Yeah.
00:01:40All that...
00:01:41All that is to come, but we begin with Jaguar.
00:01:50Now, us three, we love Jags because they're so roguish.
00:01:54You can take a girl out for dinner if you have a Jag and then she will pay.
00:01:58You can go and stay with people for the weekend.
00:02:01Help yourself to all their belongings.
00:02:03And no one will mind because you have a Jag.
00:02:07Exactly.
00:02:08In fact, people expect it.
00:02:10You have somebody to stay at your house who owns a Jag.
00:02:13You've got to accept you're going to lose some paintings.
00:02:15Yeah.
00:02:16And some cutlery.
00:02:17The thing is, though, okay, even though a Jaguar is an international get-out-of-jail-free
00:02:22card, very few people actually ever buy one.
00:02:25I mean, who here's got a Jag?
00:02:27One, two...
00:02:28Only three people in Britain drive Jaguars.
00:02:32It's astonishing.
00:02:33Yeah, I've actually got the sales figures here and they are pretty tragic
00:02:37because in the five years up to 2016, Jaguar sold 200,000 cars worldwide
00:02:44and in the same period, Audi, Mercedes and even BMW each sold over 8 million.
00:02:51Yeah.
00:02:52It's a staggering statistic.
00:02:53It really is.
00:02:54And we were talking about this in the office the other day
00:02:56and Mr. Wilman said people don't buy Jags because they used to break down.
00:03:01Yeah, but that's just not true.
00:03:02And we decided to prove this by taking the Grand Tour this week
00:03:06to Colorado.
00:03:07The car I've chosen is, I think, the best car Jaguar ever made.
00:03:31The V8 supercharged XJR.
00:03:36It's cool without being cool Britannia.
00:03:39It's caddish without being laddish.
00:03:41It's violent without being vicious.
00:03:45And it is just the last word in sophistication.
00:03:50Hannibal Lecter had one and I think that says it all
00:03:53because the last we saw of him, he was on a plane, scot-free, eating a district attorney's head.
00:04:02Soon I reached the meeting point where I found James, who'd bought an XK8 convertible.
00:04:08There we are, look. A big cat near an old dog.
00:04:27Greetings, mate.
00:04:28Moron.
00:04:29It's not a Subaru. You're supposed to be upholding the reputation of the Jag driver.
00:04:34Why have you bought that?
00:04:35Because it's excellent.
00:04:36It isn't?
00:04:37It is.
00:04:38No, this was a very poor Jaguar.
00:04:39No, this was a very good Jaguar.
00:04:40It wasn't. You could go camping in the wheel arches of it. Look, it was so high up.
00:04:44They looked all right when they were supercharged and lower, but this is...
00:04:47No, but they didn't work properly when they were supercharged and lower
00:04:49because they had a terrible ride.
00:04:51The one thing you get from a Jag is a nice ride.
00:04:54You're disconnected from the world. That's the point. Anyway.
00:04:57And those wheels, what's the matter? There's no anyway about it.
00:05:00That's the best Jag probably ever made.
00:05:02Mmm.
00:05:03Well, it is.
00:05:04No.
00:05:05Tell me, what's wrong with that?
00:05:07One of the wheels is odd.
00:05:09Yes, ah, right. I know exactly what's happened here.
00:05:15Uh-huh.
00:05:16Previous owners had a puncture.
00:05:18He simply borrowed a wheel from another car to use.
00:05:22And he's going to give it back?
00:05:23Of course he is.
00:05:24Yeah.
00:05:25Because he drives a Jag.
00:05:26Exactly.
00:05:27And look in here.
00:05:28It looks as if there's been a knife fight in the car.
00:05:31That's because he went to stay with some friends, obviously, thought,
00:05:35I'll borrow their cutlery, tucked it into his trousers,
00:05:38and then he's cutting his seat.
00:05:39I see.
00:05:40That's what's happened.
00:05:42At this point, Mr. Hammond hooved into view.
00:05:47God, is that a Mark 10?
00:05:48That is a Mark 10.
00:05:49That's a...
00:05:50That's a properly villainous Jag.
00:05:52That is a proper Jag.
00:05:53Jag, yes.
00:05:55Whatever you do, okay, do not tell him this.
00:05:58No, no.
00:05:59Hammond, you idiot.
00:06:01What?
00:06:02Well, we're supposed to be upholding the reputation of Jaguar.
00:06:04You've...
00:06:05You've brought an antique...
00:06:06You've brought an old piece of furniture.
00:06:07I am celebrating and revelling in the glories of Jaguar.
00:06:11This is 1967 420G.
00:06:14This is a...
00:06:15This is...
00:06:16Look at the...
00:06:17This front end started with this car.
00:06:18That's the Jaguar look, isn't it?
00:06:19The four headlamps...
00:06:20No, but Hammond, seriously, what is that?
00:06:23It's a 420G.
00:06:24This was the...
00:06:25No, no, not that.
00:06:26That.
00:06:27This was my jacket.
00:06:29I thought, you know, a bit of style.
00:06:31We're in Jaguars.
00:06:32There's no style in your jacket at all.
00:06:34This is riddled with style, mate.
00:06:35That is...
00:06:36Some of your jackets are terrible, but I can't...
00:06:38Anyway, this was favoured by every villainous bank robber and baddie in and around England
00:06:43in the 60s.
00:06:44And how much did you pay for it?
00:06:45£6,500.
00:06:46What?!
00:06:47I know.
00:06:48That is a lot of car for £6,500.
00:06:49Look at the size of it.
00:06:50Hammond, that is £1,000.
00:06:52No, wait.
00:06:53£2,500 more than I paid for a supercharged Jaguar.
00:06:58That is Jaguar's embarrassing attempt to recapture their own design that started with
00:07:03this, the four headlamps, the narrow grille.
00:07:04This is definitive.
00:07:05Your car is derivative.
00:07:07And Hammond wasn't finished there.
00:07:10Look at the size of this.
00:07:12Imagine how many oil paintings borrowed I could get in there.
00:07:15Smells terrible.
00:07:17Toolkit.
00:07:18Let me have a look.
00:07:19That's for opening windows.
00:07:21That's his name.
00:07:22This is not necessarily for fixing the car.
00:07:25None of them.
00:07:26That's for cutting through somebody's fence.
00:07:28This is for undoing the paintings from the walls.
00:07:33All the Jaguar toolkit is just for murdering.
00:07:36It's got Jemmy in it.
00:07:42At this point, we set off into the heart of Colorado, eager to demonstrate the magnificence
00:07:53of our cars.
00:07:59Now, it is telling me here that the traction control has failed, the stability control has
00:08:04failed, and that the anti-lock brakes have failed.
00:08:07And that's brilliant, because Jaguar obviously realised when they made this car that drifting
00:08:13would one day become very popular and that driver aids like this would be unwelcome and
00:08:18unnecessary.
00:08:19So they were designed to brake, and they have done.
00:08:28This particular 420G is from 1967.
00:08:31Quite well equipped.
00:08:33This row of toggle switches here on the dash.
00:08:35Six of them.
00:08:37Wiper.
00:08:39Look at that!
00:08:40Look at...
00:08:41Oh.
00:08:43There!
00:08:44That's the wipers there.
00:08:46And then this is...
00:08:47No, they won't turn off.
00:08:48This is the fan.
00:08:50That doesn't do anything at the moment.
00:08:52These are features.
00:08:54This is character that has evolved over the years.
00:08:57These are the beauty spots, or the slight squint to one eye that makes a person beautiful.
00:09:02If anything...
00:09:03If anything...
00:09:04If anything...
00:09:05Oh.
00:09:06The glove box has come open.
00:09:07I'll close that.
00:09:11It's done it again.
00:09:16Normally I'd say at this point, now we're alone viewers, let me talk you through a couple
00:09:20of things that aren't right with my car.
00:09:21But I'm afraid I can't do that, because everything in here works perfectly.
00:09:25There is, if you look in the left-hand dial, which is the rev counter, there's an engine
00:09:29warning light on, to remind me that the engine warning light works, and that it's there.
00:09:36And when you brake, like that, the brake pedal judders for you so that you know you're braking.
00:09:43I mean, that's brilliant.
00:09:45Why doesn't everybody do that?
00:09:50I will give Hammond's car one thing.
00:09:52It does give good rear-view mirror.
00:09:55It looks villainous.
00:09:57The Cray twins actually had 420s, just like Hammond's Jag.
00:10:03And if you're watching this in America and you don't know who the Crays are, they're the
00:10:06reason the Mafia never got to London.
00:10:09They were too scared of the Crays.
00:10:13Some incredibly strong smells in this car.
00:10:16There's a sort of gluey, resin-y smell.
00:10:20And burning.
00:10:22Yeah.
00:10:23Burning.
00:10:24It's having a smoke.
00:10:29It's from the 60s.
00:10:30Everybody smoked in the 60s.
00:10:31Yes.
00:10:32It would smoke.
00:10:33It's a Jag.
00:10:34That's what it's...
00:10:35You have a smoke, mate.
00:10:36It's seen this nice view of the other pipe and contemplate it.
00:10:39Like a red native.
00:10:41Native American?
00:10:42Yes, that.
00:10:45Once Hammond's car had finished its smoke, we resumed our fuss-free journey.
00:10:51And I got my foot down.
00:10:55It's still got tons of poke. Look at that.
00:11:00Which went well.
00:11:05It's just not changing gear. It's...
00:11:08That's neutral.
00:11:10Right, now it's in, I think, second.
00:11:12Tell me, why are we going so slowly?
00:11:15I'll tell you exactly why.
00:11:16Because the only German part in here, the Mercedes gearbox, has gone wrong.
00:11:22That was a sad lapse of judgement on Jaguar's part.
00:11:25Any idiot knows you don't put German bits in a car.
00:11:28Manually changing gear.
00:11:29What exactly is wrong with it?
00:11:32It's selecting a gear for the moment and then just sticking with it.
00:11:35I can't wait for it to choose reverse.
00:11:41This problem with shoddy German engineering couldn't have come at a worse time.
00:11:47Because we were now arriving at the location for Mr. Wilman's first challenge.
00:11:53And I'd have to fix things sharpish.
00:11:57Now look.
00:11:59Now look what?
00:12:00Don't let us distract you, Professor.
00:12:01Doctor.
00:12:02Listen.
00:12:03I have worked this out all by my own.
00:12:06The gearbox is overheated.
00:12:08Okay?
00:12:09So I'm going to put some fluid in it.
00:12:10How much do you need to put in?
00:12:12I don't know. How much do you need to put in?
00:12:14Just put enough in.
00:12:15Yeah, put some in.
00:12:16Go on.
00:12:19It's like watching a really, really old drunk pour himself a scotch.
00:12:25Just another one.
00:12:26That concentration phase is coming out. There it is.
00:12:30Good to see a man operating at his absolute limit.
00:12:35With the problem solved, it was time to get cracking.
00:12:49We'd be competing against one another here at an off-road course which Mr. Wilman was convinced.
00:12:56would break our ancient Jaguars into a thousand pieces.
00:13:03However, James had worked out a way to prove him wrong.
00:13:08Okay, are you ready?
00:13:09In, three, two, one, go!
00:13:15It's a long car. It takes a long time to go past.
00:13:17That's what it is.
00:13:19I better break for this left-hander. Change down.
00:13:22Ooh, concentrate.
00:13:24And approaching the jump.
00:13:27You may get air here.
00:13:31There you go.
00:13:33Know this, if you're turning over now to watch Man in a High Castle or something of that nature,
00:13:37James is going to finish this course.
00:13:39Which, eventually, he did.
00:13:42And...
00:13:43There he is!
00:13:44Across the line!
00:13:46Yeah.
00:13:48James and May, you just set a lap record.
00:13:51Yes!
00:13:52The fastest ever lap in a Jaguar XK8 around this track.
00:13:58As you can see, the perfect track day car.
00:14:02This Jaguar has done a lap of this very demanding race circuit and it's perfect.
00:14:07Next up was me in the tight fit XJR.
00:14:12It's quite snug in here.
00:14:15No, look, really.
00:14:16There is a problem there, yeah.
00:14:18If I hit the top of your head really hard...
00:14:19Oh, why not?
00:14:21That's what that's for!
00:14:23It's a helmet hatch.
00:14:24Yeah.
00:14:25That's what it is.
00:14:26You'll almost certainly be killed, though.
00:14:28Yeah, you know, when they take the top off a boiled egg.
00:14:30You do the count, then.
00:14:32In...
00:14:33Three, two, one, go!
00:14:38Yep, there's some dust.
00:14:39And there we are.
00:14:41I have unleashed 385 horsepower.
00:14:46And I would now demonstrate that this 17-year-old car had lost none of that horsepower.
00:14:54Or any of its razor-sharp handling.
00:14:58Oh, yeah.
00:14:59I just feel the tail going nicely.
00:15:02Oh, bollocks.
00:15:03They didn't...
00:15:05They have slightly got that wrong, but we can edit that out and...
00:15:08Cut to this and it looks good.
00:15:11Oh, my God, he's all over the place in there. Look at that.
00:15:14What you're watching here is liquid poetry.
00:15:18And flick it in!
00:15:20Oh, he's completely messed it up.
00:15:22Yeah, he's just...
00:15:24What is he doing?
00:15:26I've had a spin there. A slight spin has gone.
00:15:29I'm blind as a bat now.
00:15:30That's...
00:15:31That's added to his time quite a lot.
00:15:33There we go. Speed up again now.
00:15:35And...
00:15:37You ready?
00:15:39Across the line!
00:15:441.54.
00:15:45But the important thing is, that is a lap record for the XJR.
00:15:51And it's still working.
00:15:54Finally, it was the turn of Ronnie and Reggie Hammond.
00:15:59Here we go. In 3, 2, 1...
00:16:02Go!
00:16:04Here we go. Unleashing 4.2-litre straight six.
00:16:08Because Hammond's 50-year-old Jag was a senior citizen, we hoped he'd take it easy.
00:16:15However...
00:16:17Let's do this properly. Come on!
00:16:21Oh, his boot's coming.
00:16:23He hasn't really got the point of this from the start, has he?
00:16:25No. No, he hasn't.
00:16:28You've got a bit more than that. You've got more. I know you have. You've got more to give me. Give me more!
00:16:32Oh, no, look. Tons of black smoke.
00:16:38Yeah!
00:16:40Yeah!
00:16:42Come on!
00:16:57Back at the finish line, my colleagues were not impressed with me.
00:17:01There's oil everywhere, and coolant.
00:17:04All you had to do was go round pretending it was a bit dramatic.
00:17:07Exactly.
00:17:08And proving that a Jaguar worked properly and was durable.
00:17:10It just simply... I gave it a bit of the beans in the corner, a bit of a tail out.
00:17:13This is like a homer fool. They think I was trying my hardest.
00:17:16I pulled the face. I went... like that.
00:17:18What did you do?
00:17:20Look at the back of your car.
00:17:22Smash through a window. Boot lid.
00:17:25No other words. Off.
00:17:27Does it actually start?
00:17:28I think he just threw a rod. And it's all fixable.
00:17:41What was that? What was that galang noise?
00:17:45It could be a rod going through the side of the wall.
00:17:46I can fix this.
00:17:50And sure enough...
00:17:52I would have bet my left ear that Hammond would never be able to get that Jag going.
00:17:59And yet... he has.
00:18:00Turns out the actual damage was nowhere near as bad as we thought.
00:18:08All had to do. Straighten the boot lid. Top up the water in the radiator. That did need doing. That was it.
00:18:16Yep.
00:18:19Never noticed the sunroof before. That's good.
00:18:21So there we are. Proof. You can go off-road racing with three Jaguars and all of them will survive.
00:18:31Well, it is just good that we're back as a three with the three cars running well.
00:18:36I can't believe. I simply cannot believe how robust those Jags were.
00:18:50I can't believe. I simply cannot believe how robust those Jags were.
00:19:04Oh, I can. They are tremendously well-made cars. They really are.
00:19:08Swiss watchmakers. They gasp sometimes when they look at an old Jag and go,
00:19:12I cannot believe how much perfection there is in there.
00:19:14Exactly. And we will come back to that later on.
00:19:17But right now, it's time to slide across an icy puddle of chat on Conversation Street.
00:19:31Right, now, we begin with this.
00:19:34You know the fire brigade these days have been issued with those big hydraulic poultry shears?
00:19:39Yeah, you mean the jaws of life?
00:19:40What have they called? Yeah. The thing is, though, if you give a man a tool like that,
00:19:45he is going to use it all the time, which means whenever the fire brigade now turn up,
00:19:50even the most minor car accident, out they come and they cut the car's roof off.
00:19:53Yep, they do. Are there any firemen here?
00:19:55No, because they're too busy out there cutting people's roofs off.
00:19:58There's loads of them out there. No, it is getting out of hand.
00:20:01There was a story recently, somebody had a pretty much brand-new Range Rover Sport.
00:20:05It had done 400 miles. They had a bit of a shunt.
00:20:07I think we've got a picture of it there. It's broken a headlamp, but that's about it.
00:20:11Fire brigade come along and immediately cut the roof off.
00:20:14There you go.
00:20:16I mean, that's made everything worse, hasn't it?
00:20:18I can actually beat that, OK? A couple of years ago, there was this woman driving along.
00:20:21There'd been a minor accident. She wasn't involved, but the people who were involved were standing around.
00:20:25She said, do you want to sit down in the back of my car?
00:20:27Fire brigade turned up, cut the roof off her car.
00:20:31LAUGHTER
00:20:33So that hadn't been in the crash?
00:20:35No, they got in through the doors of fire brigade and said, well, we'll cut the roof off, easier to get you out.
00:20:39The doors are working, look.
00:20:40She was being a good Samaritan and that's what she got.
00:20:43Yeah.
00:20:44They actually did this to the police.
00:20:46Who, the fire brigade?
00:20:47Yeah, the police turned up at the scene of an accident, a very minor one.
00:20:50The people were unhurt, they got out of the car, but it was raining.
00:20:52They said, would you like to rest in the police car?
00:20:55LAUGHTER
00:20:56The fire brigade turned up and cut the roof off the police car.
00:21:00That's going to escalate.
00:21:01It is going to escalate.
00:21:02I think what happened later on was the police went in their convertible police car,
00:21:06round to the fire station and they blew up the fire engine in a controlled explosion, which is awesome.
00:21:10That's where it's going to go, it's going to be...
00:21:12I was actually quite worried, I curbed the wheel on my car the other day
00:21:15and I thought, oh no, I hope the fire brigade didn't see me do that, they'll cut the roof off.
00:21:19Actually, they wouldn't cut the roof off your car because that's only a Golf.
00:21:22What they like to do is cut the roof off a Porsche.
00:21:24No, exactly, because that's more exciting.
00:21:26When you go to the pub at night, you've got to cut the roof off a Porsche tonight,
00:21:28it's better than to cut the roof off a Golf or a Hyundai, isn't it?
00:21:30It's a better story.
00:21:31Exactly.
00:21:32And I know why they're doing it.
00:21:33To be brutally honest, they're doing it because they can.
00:21:35They should take a lesson from the Queen.
00:21:37She's been the Queen now for what, 65 years?
00:21:40Now, she has the constitutional right and power...
00:21:49Really, this is actually their displating.
00:21:52This bit better go in because that's going to be...
00:21:55I'll f***ing editable, that is.
00:21:57They should take a lesson from the Queen.
00:21:59She's been in power now, what, 65 years?
00:22:01Yeah.
00:22:02And she has the constitutional right to declare war on another country.
00:22:06Okay?
00:22:07She can do that and she never has.
00:22:08Yeah.
00:22:09I mean, how long would you last before you declared war if you had the ability to do it?
00:22:11I'd give it two days.
00:22:12Exactly.
00:22:13And it'll be all over.
00:22:14I'm declaring war on France.
00:22:16That's what I'm doing.
00:22:17But you would if you could.
00:22:18That's the problem.
00:22:19That's why they do it.
00:22:20I actually sympathise with the Fire Brigade because I bought a chainsaw the other day.
00:22:23Oh, my God.
00:22:24No, I did.
00:22:25Are you sure?
00:22:26Yes, but when you've got a chainsaw, you use it for everything.
00:22:28I was thinking, oh, I've got to carve the Sunday joint.
00:22:30I'll get the chainsaw.
00:22:31Opening a letter, get the chainsaw.
00:22:33Brad, use the chainsaw.
00:22:35Your eyebrows could do with a bit of a trim.
00:22:38As soon as the show's over, they're coming off with a chainsaw.
00:22:41But I know what you mean.
00:22:42You've got it, so you use it.
00:22:43Exactly.
00:22:44And they've got, what's it called, Jaws of Life.
00:22:45Jaws of Life.
00:22:46They're going to use it.
00:22:47And they are doing.
00:22:48Yeah, and we've got an important message, actually, for all firemen and firemen women.
00:22:51Stop cutting the roofs off our cars, or we'll come round and cut the roof off your painting and decorating band.
00:23:10Right, that's covered the Fire Brigade.
00:23:13Hope we don't need it from any time soon.
00:23:16So do I, because we're going to be trapped in a car.
00:23:18Yeah, now, Aston Martin's launched this.
00:23:20It's the new Vantage.
00:23:22That looks great, doesn't it?
00:23:23It does look good.
00:23:24It does absolutely spectacular.
00:23:25That actually looks like the one-off Aston they made for the Bond film.
00:23:28Oh, from the back, especially.
00:23:30We've got a picture of it from the back.
00:23:31I mean, look, that is just a spectacular looking thing.
00:23:34And it's been fitted with the twin turbocharged four-litre V8 from Mercedes.
00:23:39Ooh.
00:23:40You know, the MG engine.
00:23:41Yeah.
00:23:42And that is brilliant.
00:23:43It's the work, actually, of the man with the best name in the motor industry.
00:23:46No, the second best name.
00:23:47The man with the best name is Lamborghini's chief test driver.
00:23:50He's called Max Venturi.
00:23:51Yeah.
00:23:52He's never had sex.
00:23:53No, no, no.
00:23:58Good-looking.
00:23:59Yeah, so I know.
00:24:00Anyway, the guy at Aston, the technical officer.
00:24:01It's called Max Swalze wage.
00:24:03What?
00:24:04Max Swalze wage.
00:24:05Swalze wage.
00:24:06No, it's Swalze.
00:24:07I said itonly.
00:24:08No, it's Swalze.
00:24:10You sound like a broken dentist drill.
00:24:11Just being racist.
00:24:13I'm not.
00:24:14The man's iris.
00:24:15I'm not being racist.
00:24:16You're not.
00:24:17Just because you wanted to be called Paddy O'Malley.
00:24:19What are you saying? You can score a few people who races on television.
00:24:22Anyway, we'll gloss over your...
00:24:24I'm not... I'm not. That is...
00:24:27It's embarrassing. They've also... He, I should say, Max...
00:24:30has also put the Mercedes engine in the DB11.
00:24:34And I love that engine and I love that car.
00:24:37That's going to be one hell of a combination.
00:24:39That could be amazing, couldn't it? How much is it going to be?
00:24:41Well, weirdly, not much less than the V12, actually.
00:24:45But I think that the V8 will be better because the engine will be lighter.
00:24:48So, what you're saying, in fact, is smaller is better.
00:24:55No. Er...
00:24:59You know, Chinese companies like to give themselves Western names, OK?
00:25:03Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah.
00:25:04Well, there's a Chinese spare part company,
00:25:07they do breaks and what have you, that's called...
00:25:10Erm... This.
00:25:15Well! Well, it's...
00:25:16Who it is?
00:25:17Well, it's memorable, isn't it?
00:25:18It is memorable. The thing is, though, if you type that into Google...
00:25:21Oh, don't!
00:25:24You've really got some strong images for 27 pages
00:25:27before you get to your break-list.
00:25:29Sitting there an hour later with eyes like that.
00:25:31Only wanted to break pads and now I've seen things I can't unsee.
00:25:35Hello!
00:25:36What were you looking for when you came across...
00:25:38Oh!
00:25:40What had you put in?
00:25:41Yeah.
00:25:42Had you been through all 27,000 pages to get to that one?
00:25:44I was just looking at a...
00:25:45Oh!
00:25:46LAUGHTER
00:25:47And that is the end of this week's Conversation Street.
00:25:51APPLAUSE
00:25:53And now it's time to get back to our film,
00:25:59in which we're proving that Jaguar's reputation for unreliability
00:26:03is completely unfounded.
00:26:05Yes, we pick up the action at a hotel where,
00:26:08because we're driving jerks,
00:26:10we'd spent the night in rooms that were as far away as possible
00:26:14from the reception desk and its pesky checking-out requirements.
00:26:18The next morning we were up way before the hotel staff
00:26:24to get back on the road.
00:26:42Morning.
00:26:43Morning.
00:26:44What's the tools?
00:26:46Well, they had this sign that explained how environmentally damaging
00:26:49and expensive it is to wash them,
00:26:51so I've saved him the trouble.
00:26:53That's a good thing.
00:26:54He's kind.
00:26:55That is.
00:27:03Because we'd had such an early start,
00:27:05we decided, after a little while,
00:27:07to pull over and admire some of the beautiful rock formations.
00:27:11Do you see the sandstone has been eroded by time, wind,
00:27:18and the pressure of water seeping through it?
00:27:24It's baffling, isn't it,
00:27:25how a simple stream can have carved such an extraordinary gorge.
00:27:32I don't think there's any point continuing to do that.
00:27:35I think you're going to just melt the starter motor.
00:27:38Well, no.
00:27:39It's a heck of a battery, though, isn't it?
00:27:42How have you managed to break it so quickly?
00:27:44I mean, literally.
00:27:45You've had it five minutes.
00:27:46We left the hotel 40 minutes ago.
00:27:48It's something I've done.
00:27:49It's something I've done.
00:27:50It's certainly not the car.
00:27:51Look at those cross braces.
00:27:52Mmm.
00:27:53I fitted those as well that it didn't have before.
00:27:58Because the problem was bound to be minor,
00:28:01James and I left Richard to it
00:28:03and continued onwards to our next destination.
00:28:07This is one hell of a road.
00:28:16Surface is good, scenery is fantastic, no traffic.
00:28:21These were ideal conditions for a Jag like mine.
00:28:26One of the things I absolutely love about the XJR
00:28:30is the way the faster you go,
00:28:32the more it starts to sort of float.
00:28:36It's like you're sort of powder skiing.
00:28:42It actually encourages you to go faster
00:28:44because you're so relaxed.
00:28:47And this, let's not forget,
00:28:48is a 155 mile an hour machine.
00:28:530 to 60, five and a half seconds.
00:28:55It's quick even by today's standards.
00:29:02Right, problem is fuel pump not working
00:29:04and that's because there is no power to it.
00:29:06But the really clever thing about a Jag is you get lots of spare stuff
00:29:09that you can use when a problem arises should it,
00:29:13which is very unlikely.
00:29:14In this instance, I've disconnected this,
00:29:16which powers the electric aerial.
00:29:17That has got power.
00:29:18Obviously, I can do without the electric aerial.
00:29:20I didn't want to use it anyway.
00:29:21Hook this up to the fuel pump.
00:29:23Job done. We're away.
00:29:24We're away.
00:29:27Sure enough, he was soon back on the move.
00:29:33I love this thing. It's a beautiful little car.
00:29:38Unlike me.
00:29:41Not that this is much of an issue for someone who's driving a Jag.
00:29:45Yes, Constable, however, if I could draw your attention
00:29:49to the first page of my passport here,
00:29:51Her Britannic Majesty, that's the Queen,
00:29:54requests and requires in the name of Her Majesty
00:29:59all those whom it may concern to allow the bearer,
00:30:02that's me, to pass freely without let or hindrance.
00:30:07Did you get away with that?
00:30:16Yeah, I just hit him with the passport thing.
00:30:19Very good, yes.
00:30:21Policy works every time.
00:30:23Never fails in America, that.
00:30:26I also told the officer I was travelling
00:30:29with Mrs May, the British Prime Minister.
00:30:34And he believed me.
00:30:36Meanwhile, quite a few miles further back.
00:30:46That's just having a rest.
00:30:51Oh, it's a Brit and it's overheated.
00:30:54No, no, it's fine.
00:30:58Do you know why the English like warm beer?
00:31:01Because Lucas makes refrigerators too.
00:31:06Good. Thank you so much.
00:31:08Yeah, you bet.
00:31:14Oh, this isn't helping our case.
00:31:21Higher in the sky, James and I had arrived at the location
00:31:24for our next challenge.
00:31:28A runway.
00:31:30And once our colleague had arrived,
00:31:32I explained what Mr Wilman had planned.
00:31:36We're going to go from here, one at a time,
00:31:390 to 100, and then back to 0 again.
00:31:43And you've got to stop before the end of the runway.
00:31:45And you really do have to stop,
00:31:46because this airport has a slightly unusual feature.
00:31:53Perched on the summit of a rocky mountain,
00:31:56Telluride is the highest commercial airport in the US.
00:32:00And at the end of the runway, there is...
00:32:06Nothing.
00:32:08Just a thousand-foot drop to an uncomfortable end.
00:32:15Here we go!
00:32:17Yes! There it is.
00:32:18There it is.
00:32:19It has got some shove there.
00:32:22Forced induction, of course,
00:32:23is what you need at this kind of altitude.
00:32:26That's why superchargers were fitted to the Spitfire
00:32:29and the Messerschmitt.
00:32:3380...
00:32:3590...
00:32:37There's 100!
00:32:38Oh, those brakes are medium good.
00:32:45And that's a worry...
00:32:47for Hammond and May.
00:32:49On the plus side, that's further proof of the power of a Jaguar.
00:32:53On the negative side, Jeremy isn't right now going...
00:32:56Which is a shame.
00:32:58It is. The other thing we need to bear in mind, of course, Hammond,
00:33:00is that his car is very much the most powerful one here.
00:33:03And you're going next.
00:33:05Why am I going next?
00:33:06Well, because I just said you're going next.
00:33:08And that's like a bagsy.
00:33:09That's how a Jag driver would work.
00:33:10Right!
00:33:15Three, two, one...
00:33:16Begin!
00:33:20Oh!
00:33:21Yeah, I think it's lost some ponies over the years.
00:33:25The big question is,
00:33:26will his ancient XJ6 be able to beat the yardstick I've laid down?
00:33:32Uh, 55.
00:33:3760.
00:33:41Still accelerating.
00:33:43You're going to have to work a bit harder, Jaguar!
00:33:46You really are!
00:33:47Because that's not good enough!
00:33:50S...
00:33:51Silly!
00:33:5385!
00:33:54Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to witness the death of Richard Hammond...
00:33:57...again.
00:33:59Silly!
00:34:02100!
00:34:07Oh, my God!
00:34:11Ah!
00:34:12And...
00:34:13Shut down.
00:34:24How much excrement?
00:34:27Um...
00:34:29Well, brown seats would have been a better choice.
00:34:31Yeah.
00:34:32Um...
00:34:34Rigorous.
00:34:35Would you like to know how much further you went than me?
00:34:37Yeah, go on.
00:34:380.4 of a mile.
00:34:42Of a mile.
00:34:45Finally, it was my turn.
00:34:47And I was going to need as much runway and as much streamlining as possible.
00:34:53For good reason.
00:34:55Right, now we're alone, viewers.
00:34:57I'm going to admit to you that my car has gone into limp home mode.
00:35:02Which is not ideal for this sort of thing.
00:35:04In three, two, one.
00:35:1940.
00:35:22It's moving.
00:35:24I mean, just barely, but...
00:35:2850.
00:35:2960.
00:35:40He's still accelerating.
00:35:4270.
00:35:4475.
00:35:4980 miles... 80.
00:35:5080 miles an hour.
00:35:5690.
00:36:00Oh, my God!
00:36:19Having completed the zero to a hundred and back to zero test, we got back on the road.
00:36:25Well, all credit to James's XK8.
00:36:31He's come out of it unharmed, and the car pretty much, too.
00:36:35If anything, the engine seems to have become even smoother, almost as if it's gained 50% more cylinders.
00:36:43But that's the thing about Jags, they just get better.
00:36:46With all three cars still running well, we headed off to face our final and toughest challenge.
00:36:57In the ski resort of Telluride.
00:37:00We're applauding his death, though.
00:37:01We applauded your death.
00:37:02Yes, very much.
00:37:03I have to say, though, James, it really was extraordinary that you went down that thousand-foot fall.
00:37:18Not a scratch.
00:37:19No, completely unharmed.
00:37:21It's weird that Jag don't make more of that in their commercials, isn't it?
00:37:25Oh, yeah.
00:37:26Anyway, we'll pick that up later on.
00:37:27Now, though, it's time for Celebrity Face-Off!
00:37:29Yeah, and today we're asking another important question, and it's this.
00:37:46Who is the world's fastest actor whose middle name is George?
00:37:52Surprisingly hard to find contenders for this one, but we've managed it, so please welcome Luke Evans and Kiefer Sutherland!
00:38:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:38:04Greg Bauer!
00:38:06How are you?
00:38:07How are you?
00:38:08How are you?
00:38:09Have a seat!
00:38:12We're not messing about this week.
00:38:14We're not messing about.
00:38:20Can I just explain before we start, yes?
00:38:22You get a Canadian flag because you're Canadian, yes?
00:38:25Yeah.
00:38:26But if you win, it'll become British.
00:38:27It'll become British, yeah.
00:38:28It's because you weren't born...
00:38:29I was born in London.
00:38:30Born in London.
00:38:31Yeah.
00:38:32So do you have a British passport?
00:38:33I do.
00:38:34And you're a Canadian citizen?
00:38:35Yes.
00:38:36But you live in America?
00:38:37Yes.
00:38:38I am a well-travelled man.
00:38:39Yeah.
00:38:40You should have all the colonies.
00:38:42Um...
00:38:43You're Welsh whatever happens.
00:38:46Good.
00:38:47Now this business of middle names, yours is just, you've just got the one middle name.
00:38:52Yes, yes.
00:38:53Which is George.
00:38:54George, yes.
00:38:55You...
00:38:56I've got the five.
00:38:57Which are...
00:38:59So you're Kiefer?
00:39:00William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland.
00:39:02Oh.
00:39:03Wow.
00:39:04So your dad...
00:39:05My father owed a lot of people money.
00:39:08So I think he would just say, you know, I can't pay you but I'll name my son after you.
00:39:14LAUGHTER
00:39:15Now we're going on to...
00:39:16You look, if we may, obviously your new blockbuster is Beauty and the Beast, yeah?
00:39:20Oh, yeah.
00:39:21But you're best known, certainly among this audience, I should imagine...
00:39:23I have a feeling I know which one it is.
00:39:24Fast and Furious.
00:39:25Yeah.
00:39:26Fast and Furious 6.
00:39:27Yeah.
00:39:28APPLAUSE
00:39:29Now, what fascinates me about this Fast and Furious business is somehow you make a living
00:39:38from driving around and smashing up very expensive cars.
00:39:42I mean, how is that even possible?
00:39:44LAUGHTER
00:39:45You tell me.
00:39:46LAUGHTER
00:39:47Touche.
00:39:48It must be a riot.
00:39:49It is a riot, yeah.
00:39:50Especially when they make them from scratch, like the flip car that I drove in Fast 6.
00:39:56That was handmade by this genius in Los Angeles who makes all the cars in the films.
00:40:01And the flip cars...
00:40:02So it's got like a tongue on it, which...
00:40:03It's basically like a door wedge, basically, which had a... I think it was a Formula One engine.
00:40:08But it was just the shell, so the sound was deafening.
00:40:11We all had to have earplugs and stuff and...
00:40:14But it was great.
00:40:15All the wheels could crab, so they all could turn at the same time, so they could...
00:40:18You could go underneath lorries, trailer lorries and...
00:40:21Tricky to drive, I presume.
00:40:22Very tricky, yeah.
00:40:23It wasn't a normal sort of gear shift.
00:40:26It was a ratchet.
00:40:28So you'd have to press a button and then you had to pump the clutch and then you had to ratchet it up to first.
00:40:35And it was so complicated.
00:40:37While doing acting?
00:40:38While doing acting, yes.
00:40:40LAUGHTER
00:40:41He's so cool.
00:40:42Why didn't you have me on this show?
00:40:44LAUGHTER
00:40:45No, cos it is...
00:40:46I mean, you do crash even more cars than Hammond does.
00:40:49I've got the figures here.
00:40:51You've destroyed, or the Fast and Furious people, 1,478 cars.
00:40:56Wow.
00:40:57In the franchise, which is quite a lot.
00:40:59Shocking.
00:41:00And someone's worked out the cost of the damage.
00:41:01You've only done £3.7 million of the damage.
00:41:03That's not bad.
00:41:04Jason Statham's got through £148 million of the cars.
00:41:08LAUGHTER
00:41:09Actually, Richard Hammond has provided me with a question here.
00:41:12He said, is it because he can't drive very well?
00:41:14I did not say that!
00:41:15Why would I fall out with Jason Statham?
00:41:18I didn't say that.
00:41:19You thought it.
00:41:20Can you drive?
00:41:21Because I've always wanted to get Jason Statham.
00:41:22I have no idea.
00:41:23Yes, I'm sure, yeah.
00:41:24Are you sure he can't drive?
00:41:25There you go, Hammond.
00:41:26Oh, I didn't ask that.
00:41:27Yeah, I'm sure he can.
00:41:28Did you ever crash any cars?
00:41:30I mean, not to the same extent they do, but did you...?
00:41:32No, actually, I was thinking how cool all your stories were.
00:41:34Mine was so embarrassing.
00:41:36I had a scene, all I had to do, in a very normal car,
00:41:40the wheels didn't crab, I just had to drive it to the mark,
00:41:43get out, draw my weapon and say something,
00:41:45and that day they had a really wonderful actress,
00:41:49and I had a bit of a crush on her,
00:41:51and I was really trying to show off,
00:41:53and I spun the car a little bit,
00:41:55threw it into a stop, threw it open the door,
00:41:58pulled out my weapon, said my line,
00:42:00and slowly the car passed.
00:42:02I had forgot to put it in park,
00:42:06and it hit the fence that the camera operator was sitting on,
00:42:10he fell off.
00:42:12The girl never talked to me again,
00:42:14and that was the end of my life.
00:42:15Anyway, can we actually get on to cars that we make,
00:42:17because you both started with Mustangs, I think I'm right in saying.
00:42:19Yeah.
00:42:20You're...
00:42:21Well, sort of, yeah.
00:42:22Because you were very late to...
00:42:23Yeah, I was 30 when I passed my driving test,
00:42:25and I'd never been to LA,
00:42:26and I had to go there for a screen test,
00:42:28and the first time I got in a car on my own
00:42:30was a hire car from LAX airport,
00:42:33which is a Mustang,
00:42:34and then I went on the 405 to West Hollywood.
00:42:37That'll teach you how to drive.
00:42:39It's like, my hands were so wet
00:42:42that they were sliding off the steering wheel.
00:42:45The steering wheel's on the wrong side.
00:42:47The wrong side of the road,
00:42:48I mean, five lanes.
00:42:50I do love saying wrong side of the road
00:42:52in front of people who aren't...
00:42:54It's the right side of the road.
00:42:55We're the idiots.
00:42:56I don't have the...
00:42:58Stuart Mill's on the wrong side,
00:42:59on the wrong side of the road.
00:43:00And the 405 is a nightmare,
00:43:01if anybody knows.
00:43:02It's a nightmare.
00:43:03It's an absolute...
00:43:04I would not want to do my first solo drive.
00:43:06Yeah.
00:43:07Now, your first car was...
00:43:08My first car was a 1967 Mustang,
00:43:10and I had a couple jobs in New York
00:43:14that allowed me to buy the car,
00:43:16and then I was going to drive it
00:43:17from New York to Los Angeles,
00:43:19where I had another job waiting for me.
00:43:21And I was driving across Texas,
00:43:24and this was the cheaper model
00:43:26of the 1967 Mustang.
00:43:28It was a straight six,
00:43:29not a lot of power.
00:43:30And I guess there was an 80-mile-an-hour wind
00:43:33coming east.
00:43:35And I was trying to go west,
00:43:37and the wind was more powerful than my car,
00:43:39so in the middle of the highway,
00:43:41it just stopped.
00:43:42And I'm not a mechanically inclined guy,
00:43:45so I got rid of the Mustang as quickly as I could.
00:43:49You, on the other hand,
00:43:50are mechanically minded, aren't you?
00:43:52Yeah.
00:43:53Well, my best mate as I grew up
00:43:55was a farmer's boy,
00:43:57and so I was always on the farms with him,
00:44:00and there was, like, tractors and quads and motorbikes.
00:44:03Are you a bike enthusiast?
00:44:04My dad is a big biker,
00:44:06like, big, big biker,
00:44:07so I was brought up as,
00:44:08I was always on the back of his bike,
00:44:10pillion passengers through the Brecon beacons,
00:44:12you know.
00:44:13Did your dad have a 1600E?
00:44:14That was, yeah,
00:44:15when I was born,
00:44:16he had a 1600E Cortina in azure blue,
00:44:20and when I was born,
00:44:21he put my name on his number plate,
00:44:23so I grew up with this very special car.
00:44:25Now, you're into my specialist subject here,
00:44:27you may have to tune out for a moment here,
00:44:29because,
00:44:30I don't think it was available in blue, the 1600E.
00:44:33No, it wasn't,
00:44:35but you'll need to ask him the answer to that.
00:44:37Why is he here?
00:44:38He's there.
00:44:39Was it, how did you get,
00:44:41you brought his dad?
00:44:42I brought my dad, yeah.
00:44:43You brought your dad?
00:44:44No.
00:44:45That would be hilarious.
00:44:47How did you have a blue Cortina 1600E?
00:44:50Well, the Mark IIs,
00:44:51they came out in the Silver Fox,
00:44:52but after a few years,
00:44:53it started to fade,
00:44:55so I bought one,
00:44:56and then I had it recently.
00:44:58You painted it,
00:44:59I thought, because I saw...
00:45:00I mean, it's stylish for a valley boy, though.
00:45:01Yeah.
00:45:02I mean, azure blue, I mean, come on.
00:45:04You see, I had a 1600E,
00:45:05it was amber gold.
00:45:06They were the coolest cars,
00:45:07do you remember it?
00:45:08Yeah, I do remember it,
00:45:09it was beautiful.
00:45:10I mean, I remember that I chipped the,
00:45:12the walnut dashboard,
00:45:14because I was in the car like this,
00:45:16and my teeth,
00:45:17and he braked,
00:45:18and I split,
00:45:19and I literally have guilt,
00:45:20even now,
00:45:21and I was only five at the time.
00:45:22It was precious.
00:45:23Your dad was cross with you
00:45:24for smashing your teeth out,
00:45:25because he braked too hard.
00:45:26Yeah, the car was everything,
00:45:27like, yeah.
00:45:28So you smashed your face in on the dashboard?
00:45:30Yeah, I lost my front teeth,
00:45:31but it was the walnut veneer
00:45:33that was the real...
00:45:34This is the poor parenting award.
00:45:35Yeah.
00:45:36Here, this is.
00:45:37Well, now we've got to find out,
00:45:39well, basically,
00:45:40whether we're going to call you
00:45:41Canadian or British.
00:45:42Who wants to see their lads?
00:45:43We!
00:45:44So, Keefer,
00:45:45we're going to have a look at yours first.
00:45:46Okay.
00:45:47If that's all right.
00:45:48So, here we go.
00:45:49It's a beautiful day once again
00:45:51in the heartland of England.
00:45:53Accelerate.
00:45:54Accelerate.
00:45:55Break.
00:45:56That's the right way to do it.
00:45:58Oh, cutting that corner nicely.
00:46:00It's tricky here,
00:46:01because you've got to slow down
00:46:02and then get on the power,
00:46:03which you've done very well
00:46:04as you go left
00:46:05and into what we're calling
00:46:06the difficult bit.
00:46:10And there we go.
00:46:11Oh, that's tidy.
00:46:12That is tidy.
00:46:13Not exuberant.
00:46:19Through the banked turn,
00:46:20the gravel cell,
00:46:22and back down toward
00:46:23the difficult bit too.
00:46:24I must say,
00:46:25you are holding that
00:46:26very nicely through there.
00:46:27We've had the traction control
00:46:28wound back,
00:46:29so you've got
00:46:30a loose rear end.
00:46:32Now it goes very slippery.
00:46:34Oh, nicely held there.
00:46:36And on the power,
00:46:37ready to go down
00:46:38the straight bit
00:46:39that isn't really very straight
00:46:40like our other track.
00:46:43Now let's see if you've got
00:46:44any bottle.
00:46:45This is supposed to be
00:46:46flat through.
00:46:47That is actually
00:46:48very quick through there.
00:46:49That is very nicely done indeed.
00:46:51Hard on the brakes.
00:46:52And through the last corner,
00:46:54also very nicely,
00:46:55and across the line.
00:46:56That is tidy.
00:47:01Tidy left.
00:47:02It was quite good.
00:47:03It was quite good.
00:47:04You've got people
00:47:06that are very helpful out there.
00:47:07Yeah.
00:47:08Well they do,
00:47:09let me teach you around,
00:47:10but then you've got to go solo,
00:47:11you know.
00:47:12You have to do it.
00:47:13So how was yours?
00:47:14Good fun?
00:47:15I loved it.
00:47:16I didn't want to get out.
00:47:17They had to peel me out of the car.
00:47:18Who would like to see the lab?
00:47:19Yes!
00:47:20Come on then,
00:47:21let's have a look at Luke's.
00:47:26Come on!
00:47:27Come on!
00:47:28Okay, right.
00:47:29Also cutting the corner.
00:47:31Taking it slightly.
00:47:32I think it's a good idea
00:47:33to go slow.
00:47:36Just about hold it together there.
00:47:38And on to the gravel.
00:47:41Oh, listen to that exhaust
00:47:42popping away.
00:47:43That's good for a two-litre engine.
00:47:44That's all exuberant.
00:47:46And coming blommed through there.
00:47:47That looks good.
00:47:48This gravel is crazy!
00:47:52This is not necessarily
00:47:53the fastest way
00:47:54to have the arse of it
00:47:55hanging out like that,
00:47:56but it does look good.
00:47:58Right.
00:48:00Yep.
00:48:01Looking good through there as well.
00:48:02Oh, this is keeping it tidier.
00:48:03This is better.
00:48:04It can get a bit fishtaley down here
00:48:06if you're not careful,
00:48:07but it's all right.
00:48:08And on to the slippery,
00:48:10dusty bit.
00:48:13Keeping it wide.
00:48:15Now, flat out.
00:48:16Do you keep it flat through
00:48:17the last corner?
00:48:18Yeah.
00:48:19Now I should break,
00:48:20but I'm not gonna.
00:48:22Are you not gonna break?
00:48:23No, you are not.
00:48:24Ooh, that is fast.
00:48:26Nearly losing it,
00:48:27but just got it together
00:48:28in time to break
00:48:29for the last corner.
00:48:31Nicely held through there
00:48:32and across the line.
00:48:35Well done.
00:48:38Well done.
00:48:40Right.
00:48:41I have got your times here.
00:48:43So, Kiefer Sutherland,
00:48:48you did it.
00:48:49In one minute,
00:48:5117.8.
00:48:53OK.
00:48:54I'll pop that up there.
00:48:55Now.
00:49:02Luke Evans.
00:49:03One minute.
00:49:04Twenty-one point three.
00:49:06So, I'm definitely good about that.
00:49:08I loved it.
00:49:09Now you're British.
00:49:10Now I'm British.
00:49:11Now I'm British.
00:49:12Woo-hoo!
00:49:13So, there we are.
00:49:14Just in case you're thinking,
00:49:15oh no, I'm gonna have to hang myself.
00:49:16We've had a 1.24.4, 1.24.1, 1.23.6, 1.23.
00:49:21You were actually there
00:49:22before fifth fastest.
00:49:23So, that's really not a bad time.
00:49:24It's just his with Stella.
00:49:25Wait.
00:49:26Wait.
00:49:27Wait.
00:49:28Wait.
00:49:29Wait.
00:49:30Wait.
00:49:31Wait.
00:49:32Wait.
00:49:33Wait.
00:49:34Wait.
00:49:35Wait.
00:49:36Wait.
00:49:37Wait.
00:49:38Wait.
00:49:39Wait.
00:49:40Wait.
00:49:41Wait.
00:49:42Wait.
00:49:43Wait.
00:49:44This was stellar.
00:49:45Absolutely stellar.
00:49:46So, there we are.
00:49:47Ladies and gentlemen.
00:49:48Well.
00:49:49Luke Evans.
00:49:50Fantastic.
00:49:51And the fastest actor in the world,
00:49:52whose middle name is George.
00:49:53Keep us up!
00:49:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:49:56Now, tonight we are proving that old Jaguars are reliable and brilliant.
00:50:09Yep.
00:50:10we rejoin the action just as we are about to embark on one of the biggest challenges us three
00:50:15have ever faced.
00:50:16Avoiding the expense of ski passes and hiring all the kit by going skiing in our cars.
00:50:23Easter Sunday.
00:50:36Telluride.
00:50:37Rich pickings for a man with a jag.
00:50:40Hello, my dear.
00:50:44Having found somewhere to park, Hammond checked into the hotel.
00:50:51Check in, please.
00:50:52Yes.
00:50:54Can I borrow your pen?
00:50:56Fill that out.
00:50:57All right.
00:50:58Can you use a key?
00:50:59Oh, thank you very much.
00:51:00One more Wi-Fi.
00:51:02Mm-hmm.
00:51:03I'm meanwhile headed for the restaurant.
00:51:17You're welcome back.
00:51:19I'm now leaving for a few minutes.
00:51:21Go in and eat for two minutes.
00:51:22I'll sit here.
00:51:23I'm done if you've reached the floor.
00:51:24I liked the floor.
00:51:25I'll be back tonight.
00:51:26Let's go.
00:51:27I like this.
00:51:28I'm done.
00:51:29I'm done.
00:51:30I'm done.
00:51:31You're done.
00:51:33I'm done.
00:51:34You're done.
00:51:35I've been 46 years old.
00:51:36I'm 3 minutes, everybody.
00:51:38I'm completely nervous.
00:51:39I'm getting the right now.
00:51:40It's definitely cooked.
00:51:55Sorry.
00:52:00The next morning, it was cold outside,
00:52:04so we needed warm clothes for our trip up the mountains.
00:52:07James, therefore, went shopping Jag-style.
00:52:15And I didn't.
00:52:21Ah, welcome to the hotel, sir.
00:52:22I could take your coat.
00:52:25Thank you very much.
00:52:27Had a pleasant trip?
00:52:28Yes.
00:52:29Lovely. Your hat.
00:52:31Oh, thank you.
00:52:32That's your bag as well, sir. Thank you very much.
00:52:34If you'd like to go and see my colleague on reception,
00:52:36that would be marvellous.
00:52:37Thank you very much.
00:52:43Right, that's my warm weather gear sorted out.
00:52:46I actually nicked that idea from Peter Sellers.
00:52:49I don't think he'll mind, because, of course, he had a jag.
00:52:54Once we were fully equipped with suitable clothing,
00:52:58we drove straight past the lifts and hit the gradients.
00:53:02Ah-ha!
00:53:03Ah-ha!
00:53:03There we go.
00:53:04Here we go.
00:53:05Here we go.
00:53:06Here we go.
00:53:07Speed and power.
00:53:10Unfortunately, for once, speed and power didn't seem to do the trick.
00:53:15Oh, ski, damn you. Come on, ski, Jack.
00:53:20We're going to have to admit this isn't working.
00:53:24Luckily, James then had a brainwave.
00:53:27And down at the resort's workshop, he borrowed some metal poles,
00:53:33which he used to shackle our cars together.
00:53:36If this works, I'll eat my own head.
00:53:45Six-wheel drive, all at the same time.
00:53:48Right, everybody select drive in three, two, one, gently.
00:53:53Yes, I think we've got this.
00:54:03Yeah.
00:54:06We're like the human centipede.
00:54:09Yeah, no, I've got that wrong.
00:54:15Well, James is getting a bit skewy.
00:54:18I'll give him more power.
00:54:19Hammond, you're jackknifing me towards the edge.
00:54:23Or Clarkson, one of you, somebody.
00:54:25I'm not doing anything!
00:54:27You're steering, you're at the front, you're the head of this caterpillar.
00:54:30I'm not steering, you are, it's jackknifing.
00:54:33No, it's the edge, stop!
00:54:35Stop!
00:54:37Right, everybody in reverse.
00:54:41Three, two, one, gently go.
00:54:46Jeremy, where are you going?
00:54:47You're the one that steers his going backwards.
00:54:50Well, I wasn't steering you that way, why are you there?
00:54:53How many do you jackknifed us down, you stupid idiot?
00:54:56I'm not doing that!
00:54:58I'm not!
00:55:00Eventually, after much bickering...
00:55:02No, no, you're pushing me over the edge, you bling...
00:55:04No, you're really going backwards, you're steering you.
00:55:07Whose idea was this?
00:55:08I don't know, Hammond, you're doing it again!
00:55:10...we started to get the hang of it.
00:55:11I knew this would work.
00:55:13All you've got to do is co-ordinate the brains.
00:55:15This is what comes from many, many years of working together,
00:55:17that intuitive bond that links us.
00:55:19Bond of hatred.
00:55:20And there we are, the summit.
00:55:2312,500 feet.
00:55:24And there we are, the summit.
00:55:2512,500 feet.
00:55:29of hatred there we are the summit twelve and a half thousand feet we have made it
00:55:59good right let's unhitch
00:56:05having bypassed the lifts and cable cars it was time to start skiing which was a bit of a worry
00:56:14don't look over that edge but there's a bit of lead gets really steep
00:56:20people do this for fun yeah not in old jags oh yeah you're right look look look if you went wrong
00:56:27here look you'd have time to phone your insurance company i thought you'd start filling the floor
00:56:33man well there's the airfield look i could see he throw from here
00:56:37but since the only way down was down we set off gingerly
00:56:45just an ordinary drive just an ordinary drive
00:56:52jeez that that don't look um it's in case i need to bail out steering wheel's working a bit
00:57:15oh god
00:57:21what you've got to be wary of is losing the back of the car
00:57:26oh god practice braking practice braking
00:57:31nothing
00:57:33i'm just going to write a book while we don't stop yeah here we are still not stopping
00:57:39picking up speed oh my god
00:57:42can't no control now
00:57:44it won't stop
00:57:49i'm going to hit that tree there's nothing like no
00:57:52jesus christ mercifully the gradient eventually leveled out but then it became very narrow
00:58:01oh my god look at the drop on our left
00:58:06holy shit
00:58:09oh god
00:58:14oh that's genuinely alarming
00:58:19i'm grabbing
00:58:21bloody hell
00:58:27just why don't you just go in a straight line just please just briefly
00:58:32james is your car crabbing as well for absolutely no reason
00:58:38yeah it's absolutely terrifying
00:58:40oh
00:58:42oh
00:58:44don't look at the view don't look at the drop
00:58:46oh
00:58:48oh
00:58:50oh
00:58:52oh
00:58:56oh
00:58:58oh shit shit shit
00:58:59having not fallen over the terrifying drop we then had to drive down one
00:59:04holy
00:59:06holy mother of god
00:59:08oh
00:59:10my god
00:59:12oh
00:59:14my god
00:59:16oh my giddy art
00:59:18this is quick now
00:59:20oh
00:59:22oh
00:59:24oh
00:59:26oh
00:59:28oh
00:59:30oh
00:59:32oh
00:59:33oh
00:59:35oh
00:59:39oh
00:59:41oh
00:59:43oh
00:59:45oh
00:59:47oh
00:59:49oh
00:59:59oh
01:00:01oh
01:00:02Skiing now is what I'm doing, and I'm doing it well.
01:00:12Woo-hoo!
01:00:14And let's be honest, after one day on normal skis,
01:00:18we'll still be pretty rubbish.
01:00:20Whereas here, we are absolutely brilliant.
01:00:25I'd love to do this with other people on the slopes at the same time.
01:00:29Could actually run into a snowboarder.
01:00:32Oh, I'm sorry, was that annoying?
01:00:34Now you know what it feels like.
01:00:37Eventually, we started on the final leg down into the town,
01:00:41and Richard and I got into a bit of a race.
01:00:45Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
01:00:47Give it a little bit more go.
01:00:50Oh, bumpy. Oh, very bumpy. Very bumpy.
01:00:53Oh, yes.
01:00:55Oh, no!
01:00:59Oh, that was a biggie.
01:01:01Meanwhile, a little further back...
01:01:05Oh, God.
01:01:07I've got a brake warning light on.
01:01:09I don't know what that means.
01:01:10Pad wear.
01:01:11System failure.
01:01:12God knows.
01:01:16There's the town.
01:01:17They're coming in hot and stylishly.
01:01:21And we wouldn't have to walk to the hotel in silly boots.
01:01:26We'd simply drive there.
01:01:29Oh, hello.
01:01:31Whoa!
01:01:32Whoa!
01:01:33Whoa!
01:01:33Oh, no!
01:01:39Oh, there's been an accident!
01:01:42Ah, damn.
01:01:48Right.
01:01:51Only we.
01:01:53No, look.
01:01:54We meant to park them there.
01:01:55They look good.
01:01:57Oh, no.
01:01:58Oh, well, just keep working brakes for another ten seconds or so.
01:02:04Exactly where we wanted them to be.
01:02:06And that's where they are, and that's good.
01:02:08Uh, anyway, the thing is that we got here, well, there, without a single problem and with
01:02:16a very definite conclusion, by an ex-JR.
01:02:19Whoa, no, hang on.
01:02:20The whole point of this exercise is to demonstrate Jaguar's reliability as a make.
01:02:25Yes, but we have, and we've also...
01:02:27What?
01:02:28Oh.
01:02:32Oh, well, uh...
01:02:37Brilliant.
01:02:40So, we get all the way to the very end,
01:02:45and then you ruin it.
01:02:47Well, it was hardly my fault, was it?
01:02:48The brakes failed.
01:02:50But, no, you've just told everybody.
01:02:51And now they all think that Jaguars have faults and they won't buy one,
01:02:55which means this entire program has been a complete waste of time.
01:03:00And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end.
01:03:02Thank you so much for watching.
01:03:04See you next time.
01:03:04Goodbye.
01:03:05Goodbye.
01:03:05Goodbye.
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