- 2 months ago
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00:00You ask anyone in the street what they think of Britain's public buildings and they'll probably look at you and say,
00:04well, they're a lot of old rubbish.
00:06That's why the Day-to-Day has commissioned a special fly-on-the-wall documentary series about every single one of them.
00:11Starting this week with St. Lambspool in Acton.
00:23Let's go up to the counter.
00:26Hi.
00:26Can we have two, please?
00:30One adult and a child.
00:36How much is that?
00:41£85.
00:43£85.
00:50Thanks.
00:54No, it's not for the phones.
00:55I mean, it's just for the pool.
00:57Just two for the pool.
01:01What?
01:03I don't think I've got the exact money. I mean, it's only, you know, just keep the change. It doesn't matter.
01:09No, I don't keep the change.
01:10Well, I mean, I haven't got the exact money, but, you know, I mean, it's only a pound.
01:14I can't. I can't. I don't have the authority to just, like, you know, give you 25 pence.
01:19Just keep it. I'm not asking...
01:20No, I can't give you a change. I'm sorry.
01:22Look, just give me two tickets, please.
01:24Well, if you want to keep a pound, you know, I'll keep it, but I can't let you in the pool.
01:26Come on up along here, please.
01:28No duck.
01:29No duck. Michael, put it down. No ducking.
01:49Stephanie. Stephanie. Leave her here alone. I'm talking. I'm talking.
01:57Right, all down this end.
02:01All down. Free swim. Free swim.
02:05I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know very well in English.
02:17Swimming. I go to the natation.
02:25You go what?
02:26No. No. No. No, not the block. No. No, they're not for us. Not the block, no.
02:39Put them back. Put them all back.
02:41Oh, he's...
02:43Excuse me. I wonder if you could help me. I've just been for a swim and I just found I've lost my locker key, the ring thing.
02:51Have you got a spare I could use?
02:53No, no. We don't give you out spares.
02:54It's 207, something like a number.
02:57Well, it doesn't matter what number it is. You better go and look for it.
02:59I haven't got a master or something.
03:01I can't give you a master key. I can't give you a master key, but it'll be in a bottom in a pool. Go and look for it.
03:06Look, I'm in a bit of a hurry. I'll get it back to the office. So if you could just give me a master key, I...
03:27I haven't got the authority to give you a master key, because we need a £10 deposit.
03:31Look, I'll give you a £10 deposit. My money is in the locker with my clothes.
03:35No, I can't help you.
03:36Look, give me a key.
03:37I don't have the authority. Give me a master key.
03:38Give me a key.
03:40You better get off to your office.
03:41You better get off to your office.
04:11Stand over there.
04:19It's heavy moving.
04:20Right, well, just listen to me.
04:22Now, listen.
04:23I was watching you out there, right?
04:26I saw the path you were swimming in.
04:28I analysed it for quite some time.
04:30There was a young lady there who was treading water.
04:35I watched the path you took, and you swam directly into her chestal area.
04:41I was watching you.
04:43You swam back and forth several times.
04:46Don't look at me like that, like you're trying to deny it, because I saw you do it.
04:50I don't know.
04:50What?
04:51Whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:52Right?
04:53Now, I was a young man once.
04:55Very nice, I'm sure.
04:57But if you're going to do that kind of thing, whoa.
04:59I'm not a cruel man.
05:01I won't inform your parents or the school, as long as you undertake not to swim into any
05:06young or middle-aged ladies' breasts in a pool, in a pool, in this municipal borough.
05:12I won't be afraid.
05:29I've just been watching you there, can you swim?
05:56No.
05:57I've just been watching you, I think you should save your money.
06:08You know, because I see a lot of people here, and some people...
06:15You see, you're afraid of water, you don't like water.
06:24In the nicest possible way, you're not going to be able to learn to swim.
06:30It's just not worth your while.
06:33Feel free to use the sauna and stuff, but if you could get out now...
06:39We'll give you your money back, obviously.
06:43It's very nice.
06:45There are some things people can do and some things they can't.
06:47And you're never going to be able to swim.
06:49I don't mean it in a nasty way.
06:51No, no, I know.
06:52I'm just trying to tell you, you know, I'm just telling you the truth.
06:54OK.
06:55You know.
06:56All right.
06:57But, you know, use the canteen by all means.
07:00Play pool if you want.
07:02But just don't get in the pool.
07:03OK.
07:04Because, you know, you're a danger to other people as well, as well as to yourself.
07:08Yeah, I can see that.
07:09I can see that.
07:10You know, you're a hazard.
07:11Yeah.
07:12OK.
07:13I'm a pool supervisor, the night supervisor.
07:17I basically watch the monitors at night, see if anything occurs.
07:23There was one incident.
07:25I remember it quite clearly.
07:27I was filling in a puzzle and I heard the noise.
07:31It was a commotion up in the rafters.
07:34And somehow, we never know even to this day, a pigeon had got in.
07:39It was flapping around in the rafters.
07:42They called the bird specialists.
07:44They...
07:45They removed it in the morning.
07:47Do you want to come in?
07:48Hi.
07:49Hello.
07:50Thanks very much for coming in.
07:51Hi.
07:52I'm Sue.
07:53I'm pool manageress.
07:54Vicki Ray Craig.
07:55Can you tell us what happened?
07:58Yes.
07:59I was swimming up and down, lengthways, which is what I normally do.
08:04Yeah.
08:05And I was swimming along and I saw what I thought was something floating in the water.
08:09Yeah.
08:10It was...
08:12And I think...
08:13I've got it here.
08:14It appears to be a beetle or a cockroach of some sort.
08:16It's a cockroach.
08:17Just put it on the table.
08:18I'll just put it there.
08:19It's...
08:20And it's...
08:21It's dead now.
08:22Yeah.
08:23It's dead.
08:24I was swimming along and I was swimming along and it appeared to be swimming towards me.
08:30It was floating in the water.
08:31It was the other way up, actually.
08:32It was more like this.
08:33Yeah, whooping.
08:34Yeah.
08:35If you can imagine, if you watch me, it was kind of floating with its legs and arms dangling,
08:40like this.
08:41I can't do all four, obviously.
08:43But it was swimming.
08:44It was like this.
08:45And then suddenly, I think it saw me coming towards it, knew the game was up.
08:48And it's actually one of those flying ones because its wings suddenly opened.
08:53They sort of went...
08:54And then it flew away.
08:58Right.
09:02OK, thank you very much.
09:03Look, I'm really sorry this has occurred.
09:06If you'd like to talk to Vicky afterwards...
09:09Stop it!
09:10We're here!
09:11We welcome you having a few free swims at the pool at our expense because it's very unfortunate.
09:16So, please do talk to Vicky.
09:18I mean, I think...
09:19Very sorry about that.
09:20I think it's file access to the health and something like that.
09:21Yeah.
09:22You'll get to an early bird swim, alright?
09:23Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
09:25Just shut it.
09:26Just shut it, right?
09:28Because that's...
09:29Cut it out now.
09:30Cut it out now.
09:31All right, I'll show you.
09:32Just come down here.
09:33There's a couple of doors.
09:35All right.
09:36Here, down here.
09:37There's some steps here.
09:39They're a bit steep, so...
09:41All right.
09:43This is where I mainly keep all the stuff that's sort of left behind, really.
09:48As you see, look, there's a...
09:50There's a missile here.
09:52There's a...
09:53There's three kids that...
09:55What have we got here?
09:57A Bible, a toilet roll, there's a suit.
10:01I'm never tempted to use the pool myself at night.
10:05Um...
10:06Although, some time ago, I used to go down and take showers.
10:11Um...
10:12And, uh...
10:13On one occasion, I went down and...
10:16To the pool and, uh...
10:17Found a woman's swimming costume, which I put on and, uh...
10:20Paraded around, uh...
10:22Singing, uh...
10:24Singing a song.
10:25Joan Byer's protest song.
10:27And, uh...
10:30I've, uh...
10:31Still actually...
10:32I've still got that on video.
10:33Um...
10:34But I don't allow anyone to see that, because, of course, it's very personal.
10:38Um...
10:39And...
10:40I...
10:41I...
10:42I...
10:43I don't swim, uh...
10:44So much anymore.
10:45Um...
10:46Because I don't have any legs.
10:49I lost those some years ago.
10:52Um...
10:53But, uh...
10:54I do still have the video of me walking round.
10:57Um...
10:58Which I watch now and again.
10:59Because I reminisce about when I had legs.
11:02Um...
11:03Unfortunately, I'm dressed as a woman.
11:05But at least I'm walking in the video.
11:08This is procedural inaccuracy.
11:10What are we supposed to do when there's a roach in the pool?
11:12Ooh.
11:13What are we supposed to shout?
11:14Say, Mr Linus is in the pool.
11:16What did you shout?
11:17Oh, my God, there's a cockroach.
11:18Yeah, well...
11:19I mean, it's...
11:20This is indicative of what's been going on all along.
11:22You just shut up.
11:23It's not funny.
11:24It's not funny, actually.
11:25It's not the drill, is it?
11:26This is just procedure gone wrong.
11:27This is exactly...
11:28I can't just say...
11:29Don't talk about procedures soon.
11:30The only time...
11:31The only time you ever have anything to do with us is when you've got to slag us.
11:35Yeah, because I'm bloody managing the pool.
11:37Oh, yeah, that's hard work.
11:38And it's very wrong.
11:39What happened a couple of weeks ago?
11:41That's hard work, innit?
11:42What happened?
11:43What happened?
11:44It wasn't a roach procedure.
11:45It was that whole big problem, that whole turd problem.
11:47Are you talking about turd Tuesday?
11:48Yes.
11:49And the procedure was flouting then and it's flouting then.
11:52Oh, let's talk about procedure.
11:53Where were you on turd Tuesday?
11:54I was in my bloody office, that's what I'm supposed to do.
11:56What were you doing in your office?
11:57Working.
11:58Filing.
11:59Oh!
12:00That's good, innit?
12:01Can't we just...
12:02I'll tell you what I was doing.
12:03You brought it up.
12:04We were doing...
12:05Mickey, where were you?
12:06I'd done a turd on Tuesday.
12:07See, did we at one turd?
12:08I'll tell you what I did.
12:09It'd come apart and I did it with a flip float, all right?
12:11Yeah, sure.
12:12Yeah, I'll tell you what I did.
12:13I did 17 floaters, I did 10 sinkers, I had beads all over the place.
12:16You were nowhere to be seen.
12:17Hello, hello.
12:18I scooped a discharge out with a baseball cap.
12:21That respect is due to you, I wouldn't have done that.
12:23This pool's been open nearly 40 years, and in all that time, I only slipped up once, to
12:33my mind.
12:34I was engaged in a particularly tricky word puzzle, and 40 people had broken in, were
12:42in the pool, playing around, sort of ducking, bombing, doing all manner of prohibited activities,
12:52and eventually someone was killed.
12:57But given that your sole responsibility is to maintain the security of the pool, isn't
13:03that an indictment against yourself?
13:05Well, I would say this.
13:08I've been working here for 18 years.
13:11In 1975, no one died.
13:14In 1976, no one died.
13:17In 1977, no one died.
13:20In 1978, no one died.
13:23In 1979, no one died.
13:27In 1980, someone died.
13:30In 1981, no one died.
13:34In 1982, there was the incident with a pigeon.
13:39In 1983, no one died.
13:42In 1984, no one died.
13:45In 1985, no one died.
13:49In 1986, I mean, I could go on.
13:52No.
13:53Right.
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